I am in extremely deep financial trouble
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: September 28th, 2022 4:36 AM Author: lavender yarmulke
Simply do not make enough money to keep up. Getting snowed over.
My family is losing the fight.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45242977) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 10:17 AM Author: Fighting scarlet giraffe
the morning routine fucks me up too.
i have to get the older kids up and fed. and do the same with my 3 year old twins who i then have to drive to pre-school.
wife leaves for work just as everyone else is waking up.
luckily i have my MIL who is a huge help.
My wife then starts hounding me to come home at 5:01.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45243823) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 6:02 AM Author: Irradiated Puppy
its insane to me ppl spend so much on childcare in US
unless ur wife is making bank she shld stay the furk home
grocery budget seems wild but i have no idea since i eat out every meal in asia for $10 a day, but lots of prowls claim they spend like $200 a month on food
utilities is just lolzy
dining out is whatever but if u really are broke u shldnt be going to anything
i never ever pay for fuking CC's, wtf are u paying over 1k a year for a credit card, jfc goy
general merch is shit ur frking wife buys she doesnt really need, dont let her buy shit
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45243118)
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Date: September 28th, 2022 6:08 AM Author: lavender yarmulke
My wife brings home about $2900/mo in bacon.
Groceries are insane in the USA. No idea how to improve this.
Utilities are lulzy, but there's nothing you can do. You have no control over utilities and they are just charging like crazy.
We really do try to limit dining out, but you go places and we have kids and life is hard.
$95 is once a year, and I get cash back, so it's one of those spend some to get some back type things. Not a great deal and probably not worth it.
Kids need crap for school I guess. Wife just buys it. She spent over $655 on Amazon just last night. Buying toothbrushes and god knows what.
People don't seem to understand how hard it is to live a minimalist lifestyle when you have kids and a house and so many people in your fucking pocket. I can't get any rest. I don't want any of this crap, but I can't throw up my hands becasue of other people.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45243124) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 6:10 AM Author: Effete dun locale
Okay, the basic formula for financial survival/success is your after-tax income has to exceed your expenses. Then, your leftover savings after expenses should be invested in stocks and real estate and left to grow over many many years such that you can ignore short-term market fluctuations.
If your expenses are greater than your income you have to reduce your expenses or increase your income. "Duh", you'll say, but it's just a fact. Why do you need almost any expenses at all? Most fun and beneficial activities for kids are free. Parks, forests, trails, watching movies at home etc. Of course you need housing, utilities, transportation and food, but beyond that you shouldn't need to be spending much money. Those things are all roughly set at the "market rate" for your area, such that the typical person making a typical salary pays a typical amount. You shouldn't be heavily underwater on these core expenses unless you are making much less than the typical earners in your area or spending much more than them.
Could you move somewhere that has a better income-to-expense relationship for you? Could you do legal work remotely from somewhere that's less expensive but still beautiful and enjoyable? There are tons and tons of beautiful, safe, inexpensive communities around the US like the coast of Maine, the coast of Oregon, northern Michigan etc., they just aren't in major metros so you have to hustle more to make money.
Anyway the income:expenses equation is the key starting point for analysis of your financial problems.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45243127) |
Date: September 28th, 2022 10:41 AM Author: stirring fanboi
Your wife needs to be on board with whatever budget and can’t be going on amazon spending hundreds.
The thing with grocery shopping is that you need to buy things on sale. For produce and meat, we buy it on sale. For things like cheerios, we buy it in bulk when it’s on sale. Otherwise it’s like $3.99 a box. You diss Costco but you meaningfully save there when buying in bulk and the item is on sale. This applies to paper goods, dry foods, anything you can freeze. You also get gas there for cheaper.
If you break down grocery shopping, I bet you’re spending a lot of snacks and pantry items. We don’t buy much of those.
The other area you can cut back on are misc spending like clothing, gadgets etc. we spend about $300 on clothes per year for the whole family. The kids mainly wear hand me downs and there’s no reason you should be spending money on clothes for your younger kids. We also don’t buy random stuff. We have 5 year old phones and mine is cracked.
All this penny pinching will save you an extra $10-15k/year which would be meaningful.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45243965) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 11:02 AM Author: stirring fanboi
It’s about $100 for 4-5 pairs of shoes for the kids. Another $200 on clothes for the kids (had to buy uniforms for my son which cost $100 and the rest on things like things like tshirts for future years). I’ve spent nothing on clothes for my daughter this year btwn wearing her brother’s old stuff and hand me downs and cheap clothes I bought in years past.
You know old navy sells clearance tshirts and pants and dresses for like $2-3 right? When that happens I buy it in 3-4 sizes for the next 3 years.
https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=678366042&vid=8&tid=onpl000079&kwid=1&ap=7&gbraid=0AAAAAD_AT8uDqAZW9iGdCFjys64iwAbbp&gbraid=0AAAAAD_AT8uDqAZW9iGdCFjys64iwAbbp&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIxq25jN-3-gIVkj-tBh3xPAgtEAQYDyABEgJQK_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#pdp-page-content
Also when I see shoes on clearance for cheap like under $20, I stock up in various sizes. For example I found $18 adidas soccer cleats and bought 3 years worth.
This way of shopping means you don’t buy anything “cute” or what they want, but whatever that’s life.
My husband and I haven’t shopped for ourselves in clothes in a few years. When we moved I realized I don’t even wear half the shit I own.
Kids have tons of hand me downs. I’m sure you have friends with same age kids.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45244090) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 12:13 PM Author: Fighting scarlet giraffe
most of my american friends' kids are younger than mine. my ukrainian friends send their stuff to needier kids. i have an older niece and we get a good amount of stuff from her.
old navy is a good idea. i never think to go there even though i drive past one every day.
i just bought my 6 year old son $60 soccer cleats. Rate me.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45244497) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:14 PM Author: lavender yarmulke
1740 for my wife. My 401k gets another 1960.
Haven’t saved a penny other than that since like May.
Just getting buried.
What set me off yesterday was the goddamn landscaper being like “oh yeah man, your grass is long so that’s gonna be like $275 amigo. Alright? We all good?”
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45245751) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 4:45 PM Author: Fighting scarlet giraffe
Excluding your employer match youre saving $45k/year. Your wife is also contributing to a pension.
What happened after May? I can't put anything away in the summer because my wife is a teacher and doesn't get paid.
$275 for 1 cut? Where do you live man? I was quoted $100 per week which was enough for me to get a lawnmower.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45246321) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 4:10 PM Author: stirring fanboi
Here are the areas where I think you can trim down:
Grocery $1,631.04 - $300/week for a family of 6 is totally doable if you pay attention to sales.
Medical $876.44. - are your kids particularly accident prone? My medical bills are like $800/year. well visits are free and pay a bit out for some dental cleanings or random office visit for some rash. Are there cheaper plans you can get? This sort of cost gets you to a very high OOP max.
Restaurant $689.51 - cut this down to $100/week. This means one sit down without any alcohol for a family of 6. If you order from like Uber, only do so when there’s a deal ($25 off $40) and stack with the places that do BOGO. We have a Indian place that does BOGO chicken tikka masala and we end up with 4 entrees for $45 after tip that we can eat over 6 meals, which you can also freeze. Better yet, don’t eat out at all. We go out to eat once every 2 weeks.
General Merchandise $427.39 (amazon and wal-mart – just stuff we need I guess, wife buys from. this is by far the biggest category of waste. There is no way you “need” $400 of stuff every month. I looked at my Amazon spend this month and it’s $120 for everything ranging from vitamins to a birthday gift. Most of my Amazon orders are also subscribe and save items (which saves me 15% for 5 items). I don’t see how you can’t keep this to $200/mo on average. You and your wife needs to take stock of exactly what you’re buying and whether you indeed need it. When we were moving, there was so much crap that you look at and wonder, why did I buy this? Don’t even get me started on toys. Stuff they played with for a week. I donated 75% of that crap away.
I believe in you; you just need to get serious if you truly want to cut down, and your wife needs to be on board because it looks like she’s the one handling online ordering.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45246127) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 4:53 PM Author: Fighting scarlet giraffe
a good tool that we use in family law is the case information statement.
It has a monthly budget section broken down into 3 categories: Shelter, Transportation and Miscellaneous. Pages 6 and 7.
https://www.njcourts.gov/forms/10482_fam_cis.pdf
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45246369) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 12:00 PM Author: stirring fanboi
You remind me of the yelp reviews that give 1 star because “service was bad, restaurant was dirty” lol. Prices are #1. Be careful of amazon too. Crayola markers cost $8 a pack 2 weeks before school started. I went to target and they were selling their own brand for $1 a pack!
I agree this takes time and energy and planning. You can’t just be like “oh we are going to the beach next week, need new rash guards for the kids.” When I see cheap rash guards, I buy 5 at a time. I buy Christmas decorations after Christmas, boots at spring time, that sort of thing. And as a female, it requires focusing all spending on the kids. Female “self care” stuff is very expensive; mani pedis, massages, skincare, makeup etc. I quit (most) of that spending. That’s why you wife needs to be on board.
And I’m not talking life changing money savings, but you will feel like you have control over your spending and save a bit more per year.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45244406)
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Date: September 28th, 2022 4:59 PM Author: stirring fanboi
It’s not about saving money but rather the satisfaction of getting a good deal and/or feeling bad about not getting a rock bottom price. But if I were poor, this would be real savings.
During our home renovation, I would go buy lowes $20 off $200 coupons for $2 each that contractors sell online and then split up the purchases into $200 increments so I could maximize the discount. Huge PITA to save $300-$400 but I can’t stand the thought of getting ripped off.
Then we drop $14k on a subzero fridge. Clearly it’s not about real savings.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45246397) |
Date: September 28th, 2022 4:11 PM Author: Lemon dashing queen of the night marketing idea
Painful situation, but I think Nutella is giving good advice. It takes some practice to be frugal, but once you get the habits and mindset going it could save a few hundred per month. With 4 kids and stressful jobs it's hard to increase income. I spent one year working two full time jobs and it nearly killed me. Don't recommend it. Also don't recommend reducing long term savings. If you start thinking of savings on a purchase as extra income maybe it helps psychologically. We spent many years being very frugal. Now we don't have to be frugal, but the habits are still there. It's still hard for me to talk myself into buying something expensive.
Wife was always a SAHM, unlike most of her peers and my colleagues' spouses. We suffered by comparison and could not keep up with the Joneses, but screw it. I was the only guy who mowed his own grass. We never had child care expenses except for baby sitters, and even then we used to be in a babby sitting co-op in which we swapped time instead of money. We rarely went anywhere without kids anyway. Kids went to a cooperative nursery school where tuition was almost zero but we had to contribute labor. One year my wife signed me up to be the auditor because it was the volunteer job with the most points. I was not happy, but got it done. We also belonged to a food co-op. Don't know if people do that anymore. A group of us bought fresh food in bulk quantity at bulk prices and divvied it up. We also made bread at home, had a garden, used coupons, shopped and took advantage of any and all discounts. Dining out was very rare. We did a lot of supper parties with friends in which we all pitched in and cooked. We had a regular swap a meal deal with one couple with whom we alternated having dinner (with kids) at each other's house once/week. It was like going out, but cheap. Unfortunately they got divorced. Deterioration of food quality at their house was a leading indicator.
This was long ago and far away and YMMV. One thing that made it easier to be cheap was to find friends who were in the same boat. We were doing this in the 70s and into the 80s, so maybe that is an extinct mindset.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45246129) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 4:19 PM Author: lavender yarmulke
Thank you friend. I am going to print out Nutella's post and show it to my wife this evening.
Nutella you are right about the Wal-Mart/Amazon. Here is an example of recent Amazon purchases:
1. Three toothbrushes, 1 pair of kids shoes, 1 water bottle . . . $93.86
2. Stickers, paper bags, and small toys . . . $43.26
3. Legos . . . $17.32
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45246165) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 6:41 PM Author: stirring fanboi
The legos are the cheapest things on there! Sounds like your wife put together goody bags for a bday party. Here’s the solution: don’t do goody bags. I’ve never been to a party and left thinking “wow I’m so offended they didn’t give my kids more useless plastic Amazon junk”
One thing I do is take water bottles from the school lost and found before the end of the school year. Amazes me how many people never bother to check for their swell, yeti bottles! If my son doesn’t come home with a Tupperware or bottle, I pester him constantly to go. I did the same at the little league and AYSO lost and found at the end of the season. So many bats, backpacks, shin guards whatever you want.
I don’t give a fuck if that’s ghetto. I’m from a ghetto poor background so it’s ingrained in me.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45246912) |
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Date: September 28th, 2022 5:22 PM Author: House-broken outnumbered associate
But doing it is unrelatable. Disco Fries is fucking infuriating because he knows what he ought to do, but doesn’t have the willpower to not eat or the backbone to tell his wife no.
Disco, you should go to Overeaters Anonymous and get involved in traditional therapy. I suspect you are enormously codependent and you will need all the help you can get in setting boundaries that will allow you to lead a normal life and not raise psychopaths.
Edit: if you’re not familiar with codependency you should read up on it; it’s going to hit you like a ton of bricks
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5201004&forum_id=2#45246494) |
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