Wife FUMING at 7th grade son (and now me) about his grades. Who is right?
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: January 18th, 2023 4:37 PM Author: underhanded saffron gas station
Fall grades from my oldest son's middle school just posted. I'm working from home. Went downstairs and wife asked if I had seen them. I hadn't. She had been checking for them all day.
He got a mix of As and Bs and a C+ in Spanish. She was talking about not letting him play basketball the rest of the season and taking away his Switch. I said he tests in the 99th percentile, doesn't hate school, and can pick it up when he gets to high school when grades start mattering for college. He's doing fine.
She was incredulous. I told her that school is flame and grades are particularly flame until they're going to be used for something like admission to a magnet hs (which were not doing) or for college (which doesn't apply until 9th grade). Now she's mad at both of us and just stewing into he comes home.
Son will be home from basketball practice in about an hour. What do?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45807527) |
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Date: January 18th, 2023 8:52 PM Author: ruby stage
Oh shit it’s happening right now. He’s sick w COVID and has a billion NTIs (“not turned in” is NTI) and wife just caught him playing Valerent with his buddies instead of doing his science homework.
If he’s going to mess around and play video games with his bros I wish he’d have the good sense not to get caught by his mother when she creeps up on him. Now I have to step in and break up the yelling.
So. Much. Screaming. By. His. Mom.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45808645) |
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Date: January 18th, 2023 8:03 PM Author: Appetizing bawdyhouse cuckoldry
that's part of the problem. middle school is that easy.
just ask him what he's actually doing and call him on his bullshit. then tell him he has to just do his homework, readings, etc. as scheduled by the teacher because he's not pulling it off as is.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45808403)
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Date: January 19th, 2023 9:14 AM Author: dead misunderstood prole trailer park
this. sign him up for mandarin classes.
local courses at community college.
go to the woods and show him how to live on the bush and not be a faggot.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45810373) |
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Date: January 18th, 2023 5:02 PM Author: Erotic sadistic business firm people who are hurt
CR
A C+ means he just doesn't give a fuck.
That's a habit you need to stop EARLY
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45807675) |
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Date: January 18th, 2023 8:54 PM Author: swollen stage yarmulke
He can be a contrarian asshole when he graduates.
But until then, he needs to do as he's fuckin' told and do his homework.
C+ means he doesn't do homework and just wants for the exam.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45808652) |
Date: January 18th, 2023 4:50 PM Author: umber lettuce set
you should sit down with your boy and tell him to stop being a lazy POS
primary school is all about memorization, and if your kid can't sit straight for two hours doing work, it's going to be very bad for him going forward
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45807582) |
Date: January 18th, 2023 4:50 PM Author: vigorous gold blood rage
We only get one shot at this. He should be getting almost all As now and through HS. There’s a world of difference between Penn and Tufts (I also went to one like the latter because I was a lazy shit in HS and then had to go to law school to right the ship).
Make him promise that he’ll do better next quarter and that you don’t want to have to do tickytack shit like putting a timer on for his Switch but that you aren’t going to have a choice if this continues.
Mom is mostly right but her over-emotional response and yelling won’t have the desired effect.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45807585) |
Date: January 18th, 2023 4:50 PM Author: Copper half-breed
Maybe you should talk about this with your kid instead of your wife/your internet friends. Ask him about Spanish. Maybe he just doesn't like the teacher, maybe he's distracted by her big tits, etc. Most likely is that Spanish/foreign languages requires practice and discipline, you can't just use intellectual horsepower to get an A.
Your wife might have a point. You don't want to raise a lazy kid who is taught that they can just show up and get an A/A- with little effort. That path sucks. You want to raise a kid with good work ethic, which is 40-50x more important that raw intellectual horsepower imo.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45807587) |
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Date: January 19th, 2023 6:20 PM Author: Anal Masturbator Legend
Cardiovascular fitness is largely genetic, in terms of not just baseline propensity, but also response to exercise (e.g., https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/10/211014142032.htm ("genes can explain up to 72% of the difference in outcome between people after a specific fitness exercise")) and, even moreso, character and propensity to stick to an exercise program. Parents can of course, with great expenditure of energy, and at great loss of hedonic enjoyment to themselves and kids, slightly to moderately shift their kids along the curve -- but the energy is largely wasted (you can't keep it up forever so kids will revert to type + kids will hate you if you do enough to really make an impact).
Now apply this to this situation. Do you really think OP is suddenly just _discovering_ that screen time is bad, Switch should be curtailed, etc., when his kid is in 7th grade -- and that on the strength of this bracing discovery, he will not devote his every waking hour to tiger-momming his lazy underachieving smart-but-no-genius kid? No way! It is to laugh.
That is why I gave him practical advice.
(I'd argue with you more, but your beliefs are probably largely genetically mediated so w/e.)
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45813242) |
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Date: January 18th, 2023 8:05 PM Author: Appetizing bawdyhouse cuckoldry
im a lot smarter than him, his wife, or his kid. why shouldnt he ask us?
we also have no reason to lie to him.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45808412) |
Date: January 18th, 2023 4:50 PM Author: Anal Masturbator Legend
Your wife is dumber than you and had to work harder to get into Tufts [or whatever]. Your son is mean-regressed and more similar in intelligence to your wife than to you. Worse, though, he is a male, and probably stale and pale. And that he is already getting bad grades in grades smart kids either skip or do advanced shite in is, as others noted, a warning sign.
So what to do? Do you try to instill a good work ethic and brio in him? No, because that stuff is genetic and he'll eventually return to baseline when you stop putting energy into the situation.
Instead, you should be laser-focusing on crafting a Personal Story for him, and teaching him how to Sell it in a smooth way. Thus, he should have some sort of learning disability (doctor-certified, easy to get) so he always qualifies for extra time; some sort of Native / Hispanic ancestry (or even Black, who is going to call him out?); a tale of trauma and overcoming (for example, maybe he was raped by a January 6 terrorist, which taught him the necessity of LGBTQ activism -- you get the idea).
Learning to spin these fraud narratives is a useful skill you can actually impart, and which will last for life.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45807589) |
Date: January 18th, 2023 6:32 PM Author: snowy pistol
make sure to send him to an "elite" high school or at least one with programs for gifted kids
i was always 99.9th percentile and didn't give a shit in school and the reason why i didn't give a shit was because i was smarter than all the other proles and so i saw no reason to put any effort in. he needs to be among his genuine peers so he feels an urge to apply himself and compete against his equals
if he's in a prole normie school like i was, it doesn't matter what you or your wife say or do. he will *never* care or put any effort in. you have to get him among his peers
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45808060) |
Date: January 18th, 2023 6:52 PM Author: Aromatic hospital
Your wife sounds azn. I was 3.0 in eighth grade and had an unweighted 4.0 from 9th-12th grade and was confident I would be able to do so based on 99th percentile standardized test scores. While I do think it’s more difficult for white conservahero bros to get A’s from shitlib teachers than it was 20 years ago, make it clear to him that you know he’s smart enough to turn things on when the academic preseason ends next year and that for the sake of the rest of his life he should do so.
Have you asked your wife about Christian domestic discipline re: her unacceptable behavior towards you? It’s questionable that she talks that way to your adolescent male heir, but she certainly shouldn’t be speaking that way towards you. Don’t spank her without her consent, but let her know that you think that CDD would improve your relationship.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45808142) |
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Date: January 19th, 2023 9:23 AM Author: yapping casino macaca
Lmfao at this fsggot
Nah make him miss basketball. Call his coach in front of him and say he can’t participate because he’s being insolent. Happened to me once. Never happened again!
You guys are so fucking soft
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45810417) |
Date: January 19th, 2023 9:06 AM Author: yapping casino macaca
Dude my brother was the same way. We both tested 99th percentile across the board but I tried in school (through grade 12) while he smoked weed and did shrooms in the woods with his girlfriend and their hippie friends. He’s smarter than I am but regretted not trying after he realized he dashed his chances to get into a lot of good colleges. His teachers and my parents were pissed at him for not trying. Like he wouldn’t do schoolwork but would teach himself complex coding from textbooks.
As someone above said, it’s hard to completely change your habits in ninth grade. That’ll especially be the case if the kid is like, “Heh, dad’s on my side and he doesn’t think this stupid school stuff matters either.”
You should make it an expectation that your kids get all As. Some of my friends would get paid a certain amount of $ for each A they got. When I asked my dad if I could get paid too, he said, “Why? In this house you’re expected to get As.”
You really don’t want to set the wrong tone for your kid moving forward
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45810349) |
Date: January 19th, 2023 9:18 AM Author: Pea-brained aquamarine forum halford
I was essentially your son 25 years ago.
Your wife's approach is 100% wrong. Don't take away positive activities as a punishment for underperforming in school.
He's not doing that badly but seems to be not performing up to his potential. Rather than approaching it with anger and negativity, you and your wife should figure out the reasons why and work with your son as a team to help him improve.
Punishing him, making him feel badly about himself or like a disappointment or failure at age 13 will make things much, much worse.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45810388) |
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Date: January 19th, 2023 9:19 AM Author: yapping casino macaca
“ Punishing him, making him feel badly about himself or like a disappointment or failure at age 13 will makes things much, much worse.”
LMAO
Everyone here is SOFT AF!!!!!!!!!
Don’t be a redacted and punish your kids
My phone was taken away like over half the time between seventh grade and high school graduation
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45810393) |
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Date: January 19th, 2023 9:28 AM Author: Pea-brained aquamarine forum halford
My response was directed at the:
"Wife FUMING at 7th grade son" and taking away sports parts.
Limiting video games and screens is always a good idea regardless of school performance.
If the report card was a surprise, this means the parents have no structure at home and OP and his wife don't take an active role in the kid's education. Parents can see their kids' progress in real time online with grades posted and homework completion tracked. Good parents also make sure their kids has a specific time and space each day to do their homework. Getting a C in middle school means the kid isn't doing his homework.
The approach of "hands off" all semester and then yell and scream at report card time will yield no positive results. That was my parents' approach and it was a disaster.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45810447) |
Date: January 19th, 2023 10:08 AM Author: Free-loading chapel haunted graveyard
I'm just hoping OP was quoting directly and not just summarizing.
"I told her that 'school is flame and grades are particularly flame.'"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45810586) |
Date: January 19th, 2023 12:29 PM Author: excitant crackhouse scourge upon the earth
At this point, it’s apparent already that your kid is mediocre intellectually and lacks discipline since school is a total fucking joke and takes nothing to keep up with homework and tests. Your kid won’t be able compete with the super study azns and truly smart people anyway so might as well drop out and encourage them to do a useful trade. Their best outcome would be to go to tufts or wustl and end up with a useless degree and get a killself office job. What’s the point of forcing them into this sort of situation? Best to try to encourage them to become general contractors or something.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45811362)
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Date: January 19th, 2023 1:11 PM Author: excitant crackhouse scourge upon the earth
I think you’re confused. The azn predisposition is to grind and work hard in school to become drs, engineers, and lawyers (for those not smart enough/hard working enough to be drs and engineers). I don’t really believe that path leads to money or happiness for the vast majority and frankly don’t see why people still push that sort of traditional success, starting very early on in school.
Generationally speaking, millennials are worse off than the previous generation and it’s only going to get worse with younger generations. And if the kid has already demonstrated lack of discipline/impulse control in not being able to follow simple rules like doing homework (largely genetic) and gets some shitty grades, it’s rather pointless to keep pushing in that direction and waste hundreds of thousands of dollars on a useless college degree.
Time to pivot and think of what will make him happier in the long run and what will help him develop a real skill set that he can monetize later in life.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45811684) |
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Date: January 19th, 2023 4:54 PM Author: Aphrodisiac opaque heaven
That was certainly not my experience going to public school. In my experience, elementary school (through 6th grade), you had no control over your class or academics and only a very select few had an advanced curriculum (I was not invited).
At the end of 6th grade, you and your teachers could ask to be put onto an accelerated track (they called this "Honors" for some reason), but generally, if you weren't on the advanced track already there was no way to get there.
In 9th grade, you had a lot of freedom and could choose the most advanced classes (if you wanted to). The only exception ot this would be maths, because they wanted you to take the maths in the right order. So you couldn't sign up for Algebra II if you hadn't already passed Algebra I.
7th grade locked in nothing. It was like this dead zone of required face time that does very little for the academic growth of children. It's more of a waiting period for the worst of puberty to pass before giving kids some freedom of movement and choice in high school.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45812930) |
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Date: January 19th, 2023 5:07 PM Author: Pea-brained aquamarine forum halford
Yeah i guess slightly different for me.
i think starting in like 5th grade there was advanced math and also the G&T class which was then merged with english in middle school.
Starting in 8th grade there was also other advanced classes like humanities which was some combination of reading and history.
In HS there were all honors classes but it wasn't at the student's discretion. It was based on teacher recommendations and prior year grades.
7th grade is where I fucked up. Started playing in punk rock bands, not caring about school, stopped doing homework, never studied, then started smoking weed. So in 8th grade i was removed from honors math and G&T/english. I was still in honors humanities, but was removed from that too at the start of 9th grade and put in all "college prep" level classes. Even if I'd done well after that, there would have been virtually no path back to the honors classes for me.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45812990) |
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Date: January 19th, 2023 1:17 PM Author: excitant crackhouse scourge upon the earth
I did get waitlisted at Y at least!
But guess what… I definitely had straight As all the way through even at a magnet school with people way smarter than me. It wasn’t hard. This kid is fucked.
One of the things about being a parent is learning about your kids’ limitations and not pigeonholing them into what you think is the right path in life.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45811730) |
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Date: January 19th, 2023 3:29 PM Author: Pea-brained aquamarine forum halford
I think you are projecting or inferring or have some other agenda you are trying to force in here.
The kid has to go to school for another 5 years. Regardless of his path thereafter, he's better off doing well and learning how to work hard and be disciplined.
What's your advice then? Just let the kid slack off and be content underperforming? If the child were trying hard and this was the best he could do that would be different.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45812541)
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Date: January 19th, 2023 11:12 PM Author: stubborn spectacular dog poop
you were and are an introverted shut-in who never were distracted by having a realistic chance at attention from boys or making friends.
I underperformed until law school due to social life and getting laid priorities, before graduating summa
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45814659)
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Date: January 19th, 2023 3:02 PM Author: Pea-brained aquamarine forum halford
Discipline can be taught. I know a good amount of smart, successful people in white collar jobs who didn't have the self-discipline to do well in middle and high school. Parents have it a bit easier now being able to track and monitor all of their kids assignments and progress.
If, as the OP claims, the kid tests in the 99th percentile, the parents need to make sure he's doing his homework every day. Eventually it'll become routine.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45812401)
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Date: January 19th, 2023 2:47 PM Author: contagious pearly codepig
This really depends on context.
What grade is your child in? How rigorous are their courses? What is the reason for the Bs and Cs? Is it consistently scoring 85% Or is it consistently scoring 95% with 3 unsubmitted assignments that average out to a B.
My child (8th) is very bright and in the "most rigorous" classes but these are still not difficult for them, in part due to capability but largely because of the pace and the rigor and the opportunity for endless retakes and late work. My kid is generally not heavy on the effort (putting it lightly). For them, As are easy. The few Bs they have gotten have been -- without exception -- because they slacked on turning something in, absolutely did not study at all then failed to take the retake opportunity, or similar reasons. If my child demonstrates this for 1/4 of their classes (2 of 8) because they'd rather text and game than put forth minimal effort, you best believe we will be enforcing new screen and studying consequences.
But that is NOT the same as a child who earned As and Bs through actual effort and got a C in a difficult high school level subject.
If the former, your wife absolutely needs to chill and meet him where he is.
If the later, you need to step up and force your child to realize that they sometimes need to step outside their comfort zone to meet their potential, which is a gift to be able to do, really. If they develop bad habits now it's not like they are going to auto-switch easily in high school when it matters.
Sounds like one of you needs to be more honest. Or perhaps meet in the middle if it's a mixed situation (like a super hard class he got the C in and Bs for no good reason).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5273092&forum_id=2#45812311) |
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