GJR is a junior at Yale stumbling back to her dorm one Sunday morning. She passes a tradcath schoolgirl on the way to the Latin Mass, and bumps into her. Enraged, GJR scolds her. Unbeknownst to her, the tradcath girl is the Virgin Mary.

(Go away Madam, Iolanthe)

GJR: Go away, little girl;

I should say, little girl,

You display, little girl,

Shocking taste.

You're a prude, little girl,

Too subdued, little girl,

Sisterhood, little girl,

Pious-chaste!

You come here, little girl,

Interfere, little girl,

With a Sister, little girl.

(Sorority, I am one.)

You're a bore, little girl,

An eyesore, little girl,

Take your lore, little girl,

And begone!

Tradcath: Oh! Sorority sister unwary

It's highly necessary

Your tongue to teach

Respectful speech —

Your attitude to vary!

Your conversation's airy,

Your men are arbitrary,

Are out of place

When face to face

With the virgin Mother Mary.

(Sir Rupert Murgatroyd, Ruddigore)

Mary: Since GJR is a whore

This I will ask her for

She shall fuck one man, or more

Once, every day, forever!

This fate she can't defy

However she may try,

For should she stay

her legs, that day

In torture she shall die!

--------

The curse was thus established-- GJR was to fuck a different man every day. But should she through virtue pure and true, marry a man who has not known her once, then she shall be free from Mary's curse. From that day forward, she clandestinely and relentlessly fucked men night and day, while playing the role of the pious virgin in front of potential suitors. But each time, the suitor finds out about her past and dumps her. One day she meets BP/Mike Fart, who sweeps her off her feet. Finally thinking she has found her true love, GJR is torn, and feels guilty about her cuckolding him.

(Am I alone and unobserved, Patience)

(Recitative)

GJR: Am I alone

And unobserved? I am!

Then let me own

I'm a Catholic sham!

This virgin pure

Is but a mere

Veneer!

This innocent smile

Is but a wile

Of guile!

This costume chaste

Is but good taste

Misplaced!

Let me confess!

A celibate love of men does not blight me!

No sex, only hand-holding does not delight me!

I do not care for a lover green

By which I mean

I do not long for post-marital sex

With rubber or latex.

I am not fond of beads and rosaries

My ovulating ovaries

In short, my chastity's affectation

Born of a curs`ed love of degradation!

(Aria)

If you're anxious for to shine

In the high priesthood line

As a woman of conscience chaste

You cannot do as you please

Place an Advil between the knees

And stockings up to your waist.

You must not lie upon men's couches

Neither touch nor look at crotches

For their simple state of mind

You may think it's idle chatter

But there's only a single matter

No sex of any kind

And every one will say

As you walk your maiden way

"If this young girl expresses herself in terms too whole for me

Why, what a very singular pure young girl,

this pure young girl must be"

Be eloquent in praise

Of the very dull old days

Which have long since passed away

And convince them if you can

That the presidency of Reagan

Was America's proudest day

Of course you will pooh-pooh

Whatever's fresh and new

And declare it's crude and mean

For sex stopped short

When a man you start to court

A young maiden, you'll be seen.

And everyone will say

As you walk your maiden way

"If that is good enough for her which is not good enough for me

Why, what a gentle kind of youth, this kind of youth must be!"

Remember, no sentimental passion

Or of a vegetable fashion

Never excite your languid spleen

An attachment a la Thatcher

For a one of a stoic stature

A woman's not to be heard, only seen

Though the Jezebels may gyrate

You will rank as a matronly saint

In the high Catholic band

If you walk through New York or Philly,

With a purity ring

on your lily-white hand

And everyone will say

As you walk your prudish way

"If she's content with a celibate love which would certainly not suit me

Why, what a most particularly pure young girl, this pure young girl must be!"

--------

One night when Mike Fart is fast asleep, all the men who have fucked GJR and subsequently ghosted her appear to him in a dream to warn him of her.

Haunting processional music begins to play as the poasters line up. CSLG, TSINAH, HVAC, Gunner, MASE, There's always a link, GayPumo, Sam Hyde, Martin Shkreli, Noam Chomsky

(Painted Emblems of a Race, Ruddigore)

Balding poasters of a board

Law students in days of yore

Once with GJR we've scored

Speak to her now never more

---

Handsome chads of XO

Last of the ones from Princeton Review

Every one of us she did blow

Green jolly rancher in her mouth too

Harlot, strumpet, runner, screamer

Whiner, poseur, dullard, dreamer

Shirker, scrubber, crawler, creeper

Sniffler, snuffler, wailer, weeper

Trollop, nympho, sloven, harpy!

Leave this course of celibacy

Lest the Queen of plow

Set on thee her marriage vow!

(Rachmiel appears)

Beware! Beware! Beware!

Mike Fart: Gaunt vision, who art thou?

That thus, with icy glare

And stern relentless brow,

Appearest, who knows how?

Rach: I am the spectre of the late

Sir Rachmiel the poaster

Who comes to warn thee that thy fate

Thou can and must deter

Alas, poor SIMP!

The piety you

express and never skimp

We poasters are a more carnal crew

To you, GJR, we pimp!

--------

Eventually the truth of GJR's activities are revealed to Mike Fart. He does not take kindly to the news and leaves her.

(Duet from The Pirates of Penzance)

BP: Oh, false one, you have deceived me!

GJR: I have deceived you?

BP: Yes, deceived me!

---

BP: You told me you were pure as gold!

GJR: And Mike Fart, am I not so?

BP: And now I see you can't withhold

GJR: I'm sure I still can do so.

BP: My innocence you do abuse

GJR: I'm not the one to plot so

BP: Your legs are bowed, your lips are loose

GJR: It's gradually got so.

BP: Faithless woman, to deceive me,

I who trusted so!

GJR: Mike Fart, Mike Fart, do not leave me!

Hear me ere you go!

(BP and GJR, alternating)

Faithless woman!

Mike Fart, Mike Fart

Faithless woman

Mike Fart, Mike Fart

etc.

---

GJR: My love without reflecting,

Oh, do not be rejecting,

Take a maiden tender

her affection raw and green,

At very highest rating

Has been accumulating

Summers twenty-four

summers twenty four

Don't beloved Mike Fart

Crush my lonesome heart

--------

Dejected, GJR decides to become a lolyer and attends Hahvahd Lol school, graduates cum loud and joins DLA Piper, where she fucks men (over in court) each day. This satisfies the requirement of the curse. Meanwhile, she meets Lord High Gee Jay Aww SIMP who is fine with a kissless and sexless courtship, and doesn't mind her past. They get married, and the curse is lifted. The curtain falls.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5112049&forum_id=2#44534386)

https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010790&mc=42&forum_id=2

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5112049&forum_id=2#44537847)

Author: COOL

But I’m being real here: I’ve seen some of your posts and you take this place way too seriously and need help. I would never consider meeting someone so disturbingly attached to this site and so obsessed with people he doesn’t know (and so oblivious to social norms that he spends time thinking and posting detailed fantasies about the sex lives of strangers). Nothing you write is funny or clever. Didn’t read your “opera” but I saw the thread and how long it was. It was so creepy that it got like five blank bumps despite you obviously spending hours and hours on it.

Do yourself a favor and get out of here

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5113044&forum_id=2#44543136)

=(

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5112049&forum_id=2#44544234)

Date: June 13th, 2022 9:27 AM

Author: COOL

I’ve had more sex with my ex (“BP”) than I’ve had with anyone else in my life. You’re such a creepy pathetic dork. I actually woke up this morning laughing at myself for making this thread. I wish I never met BP and that I never started posting on this hellsite with you people. I’m glad that I’m surrounding myself irl with supportive, happy, well-adjusted people who don’t secretly resent me. I’m honest with any guy I date/hang out with.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5129605&forum_id=2#44674513)

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5112049&forum_id=2#44674552)

Nice to know GJR won't see this!

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5112049&forum_id=2#44681890)

I’ve regretted breaking things off at times since I did it but I also know I could not have continued seeing him while engaged in Church life and while calling myself a Catholic. I know better. It was kind of exhilarating to have a secret like that. At the same time, I don’t want to have to be hidden away. He said he’s disappointed but that he understands. I feel bad because I know he’s probably hurt. I knew I was becoming too infatuated with him so I called it off at the right time. We had a lot of fun together and had fantastic chemistry. It was so hot. I remember he kissed me after our first date (before I knew he was married) and I got back in my car and was like, “Wow,” because it was a really passionate kiss and his hand felt so warm and sturdy around my waist. I wanted more. We were perfectly balanced and had a great push-and-pull dynamic. Usually when I date I’m too paranoid about if he likes me or if we’ll be together long term, but with Redacted, I could just relax. We had some weird connection that I can’t really describe. Phenotypically we’re both oddly similar in certain ways and we’re both very intense people who do things not expected of us and are kind of outcasts. There was some strange connection and it was perfect. There’s a lot more I wish I could say but I can’t for privyacy reasons. I thought he was so fascinating and attractive and cool. I’ll miss him but it’s for the best. He really doted on me. His wife looked so sweet in the pictures I saw and I just felt so awful. And no, we never did it in their marital bed. There’s a lot more I wish I could say. He’s a turbochad and is so skilled in so many ways. There’s a 0% chance I’ll post anything with identifying info so don’t bother asking. I will miss him a lot.

https://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5194415&forum_id=2#45196110

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5112049&forum_id=2#45196213)