Date: May 18th, 2025 9:59 AM Author: Comical maroon property famous landscape painting
The power of fame is incredible. He's a pretty minor celebrity, not Brad Pitt or something. But that's enough to overcome a 27 year age gap and a dad bod. And not just for a one time hook up but for freaking marriage.
NYT Opinion | “Whatever Happened to Dane Cook? He Made Partner, You Got PIP’d.”
By “Juris Doctor” Evan39 Vance (Safeway Night Manager | Equity Partner, Perkins Coie – Seattle, Coroner’s Office Subdivision | U.S. Vice President)
May 18, 2025
It begins—as most humiliations do now—with Tabitha accusing me of “emotional time theft” for clocking out five minutes early to mourn the death of irony.
I had just watched our shift pharmacist (age 50, Twitch hoodie, GPA tattoo) demand we restock the blue Monster Energy “not that turquoise slop you keep pushing.”
And that’s when I realized: Dane Cook didn’t fall off. He just made partner.
You remember him: sold out MSG riffing about Kool-Aid Men and anxiety. You laughed, then laughed at people who still laughed, then defaulted on your graduate PLUS loan.
Now he’s married to a 24-year-old named Kelsi, streams Call of Duty to 53 viewers, owns three homes, and has residuals from Mr. Brooks.
He didn’t fail. He rotated.
While you made fun of his “teen game nights,” he quietly equity-hedged the algorithm that replaced your freelance copy job.
He’s sipping rosé on a rooftop with Pilates baddies. You’re in a #wellness Slack channel muting your manager’s gifs.
He won. The Mahchine™ won. And you? You’re still formatting bullet points for a regional compliance deck no one reads.
Postscript: These remarks do not reflect the views of the U.S. Government, the Perkins Coie Coroner’s Office, or the Safeway Night Management Guild (District 12). Tabitha, do not redact this again.
Date: May 18th, 2025 9:29 PM Author: Umber Address Hominid
He made an unfathomable amount of money doing stand up, he did some movies and didn't find too much success, and then everyone turned on him and shit on him all the time - and i assume he got sick of it.
I think he continued to do stand up locally in LA, and looks like he did 1 tour in 2018, but he probably doesn't feel the need to do all that much.
Showing up and doing 20 minutes of stand up and thrilling 150 people is probably a ton of fun, whereas standing around for 3 months to shoot a movie that people on Twitter are just going shit on just isn't that appealing.
Date: May 18th, 2025 10:25 PM Author: tantric sooty reading party haunted graveyard
I saw him on a lineup at the Hollywood Improv about 2 years ago and he told a really crazy, elaborate story about a stalker he says he had. A woman who sent him 10K messages on IG and a video of herself buzzing her hair on his doorstep, but then she started taking her meds and sent him an apology.
Date: May 19th, 2025 5:23 AM Author: gunneratttt (gunneratttt)
as i get older the more i understand that "washed up" performers are still a 0.001% life outcome. most people would kill to be in a cover band with a handful of regular fans at a local bar. selling out moderately sized venues nationwide isnt too bad.
Date: May 19th, 2025 7:35 AM Author: smoky fantasy-prone mad cow disease temple
i dont understand how this isnt obvious to anyone over the age of 4. shadeur sanders could get cut by the browns tomorrow and will still have already had a better life than basically everyone on earth and will continue to have a better life than everyone on earth.
Date: May 19th, 2025 8:46 AM Author: lime patrolman
getting cut by the browns seems like a positive outcome more often than not. Joe Thomas would have been much more successful long term and have a few rings had that somehow happened.
Date: May 19th, 2025 9:01 PM Author: Umber Address Hominid
Not only is this true, but Dane Cook isn't even "washed up."
He could still do a theater tour and make an easy $5 mm this year playing to thousands of adoring fans.
He could still probably audition and get a couple of supporting movie or TV roles a year.
Its just that he was a 99.999% comic in terms of success for a couple of years, and now he's like 99.8% - and for him its better to slum it like a 99% comic at the LA Improv a couple of nights and be a hero rather than try to have the footrpint of the 99.8% comic - which would cause him to be shit on by the media.