Date: October 26th, 2017 1:02 PM Author: cowardly purple field
My wife INSISTED on moving to Southern California for a job opportunity over my objections that it was too expensive and we have no support network. We have a three month old and moving further away from family/friends at this time seemed stupid (because it was). Last night she saw some things on the nanny cam she didn't like, freaked out and decided that she was going to quit her new job. Leaving me with sole responsibility to pay for this mistake. JFC. I am so irate right now. She fired the nanny and now I am trying to work from home, with a bunch of conference calls all day, and taking care of the baby.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:13 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Babby crying and nanny ignoring her while talking on the phone. Nanny spending the day on Netflix and texting. Ignoring specific directions she gave her. Also, the nanny didn't show up one day last week with minimal notice and had two friends cover for her. The nanny sucks and needs to go, but we have an au pair that is on her way in 4-6 weeks and can just hire another one in the interim or fly my parents out.
Unfortunately nannies texting and ignoring baby is almost the norm. I see so many nannies at the playground just zoned out ignoring the kids. I feel bad for the families paying $4-5k for that shit. It’s hard to get a good nanny, that’s why my kid is in daycare because nobody is on a phone and there’s constant stimulation and activities. But I wouldn’t do daycare til at least age 1 once they’re walking around.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:25 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Don't have any, but she is a bubbly blonde with an 8 face that is maybe 10 pounds overweight. Super cheerful as I walk out the door for my hour commute. Makes me want to kill self.
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:46 PM Author: thriller forum travel guidebook
he's going to pay either way. he should have divorced while she was still working. actually, that's a better ploy. wait til she's working again and then divorce and thus she has to pay.
Nah state mandated guidelines are 4:1 ratio and I pay for white women with BS degrees in “child development.” But they just need a sandbox books, oys and outdoor space.
It’s also 3x/week and he chills with grandma the other 2 days. She could do it 5 days/week but he’s a social kid who needed more. Believe it or not, lots of kids benefit from daycare.
Again, I had a choice. My mom was fine watching him 5 days/week. We noticed around 1 year old, he really enjoyed Gymboree classes and liked music and being around other kids. Also he doesnt go to a center but an in home one where the lady has been running it for 20 years with the same 2 workers. Daycare they do messy shit like finger painting, music classes, dumping rice and flour everywhere, play in the dirt and sandbox, etc. my mom can’t offer the same activities. His language skills also exploded after daycare since there are older kids there and he’s learning to negotiate and share. He runs in everyday and barely says goodbye. Not all kids are extroverts like that though and some want one on one attention from one caregiver. I wouldn’t stick a second child in daycare automatically and would see what his or her personality was first.
Date: October 31st, 2017 11:41 PM Author: Twisted sinister national jap
TMF and MND's half-retarded kid walks out, Montell calls in the IFNB drill sergeant to scare the pants off their clothmo son, Alexandr screams back IT'S MY BODY I'LL DO WHAT I WANT
Date: October 26th, 2017 4:02 PM Author: Dead site
"No son, those people are haters, and they are #neverwinning so we do not speak to them directly. Now log in with your quotemo and make a thread about your primary moniker like mommy showed you."
Date: October 26th, 2017 4:06 PM Author: nubile trust fund pit
Don't you also use pumos to sock puppet? So in addition being an outed poaster who openly talks about her husbands non-functioning dick and how she wishes her son was a girl, you are also in fact a pumo
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:19 PM Author: Dead site
LMAO, never not obsessively trolling for the way you choose to handle your life.
Unwillingness to pay for a nanny somehow = all nannies are shit. Quite the rigorous analysis! I don't want to get into it with you, but seriously. I know families where the nanny is essential and beloved.
Date: October 31st, 2017 10:25 PM Author: Twisted sinister national jap
"I feel bad for the families paying $4-5k for that shit."
link to nannies that only cost 4K? I am a SAHD and had assumed nannies ran more like 20-30K/yr plus employment tax since they're an employee for IRS purposes and you have to pay dat shit
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:06 PM Author: cowardly purple field
I just got a new job here and don't think I can get my old job back. We were living in Austin and don't have family/friends there either. I wanted to move to Denver and she had a job offer there she turned down. I have friends there and family that could routinely visit.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:27 PM Author: sticky canary son of senegal school cafeteria
From the 45 to the 103. South of there until downtown prices are still well below 2k. Then downtown ATX isn’t nearly as expensive as downtown LA either. Much much lower crime rate as well. Better public schools. Not really a comparison imo
Give her your resume and email password, and tell her she needs to start applying for jobs and reaching out to recruiters on y our behalf as her new part-time job.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:09 PM Author: cowardly purple field
No shit. She is incredibly impulsive and makes rash decisions without thinking through the consequences. When I try to bring logic and reason to the discussion she will have none of it.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:46 PM Author: 180 Gas Station
Try speaking to her in a somewhat more stereotypically female way. Remind her of the backgroun on how you *felt* about the move the SoCal. Tell her how it makes you *feel* like she doesn't take your concerns into account when she makes decisions like this without discussion/agreement, especially given the *feelings* you already expressed to her.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:53 PM Author: 180 Gas Station
Those are short-term, surface problems. I think the bigger problem is making decisions without taking his legitimate concerns into account. If she/they can start doing that, the decision they reach together will be more acceptable to both.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:07 PM Author: Wonderful pontificating dragon
Congrats. Having a true SAHM will be awesome.
You should have a sparkling clean house, fresh affordable food in the fridge and healthy homecooked meals waiting for you. Your clothes should be immaculate. Your child should dominate the kindergarten scene when he/she get there, already reading, already proficient at basic adding and subtracting. Your wife should provide seasonal bonuses, like decorating the house for Halloween or Christmas, etc, with special edible treats included. You should not have to actually sit down and pay any bills or go to the bank. A fresh cold alcoholic drink and a back rub are yours at 530PM.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:16 PM Author: cowardly purple field
LMAO. She will be shoving our daughter in my face at 6:00 saying I have no idea how exhausting it is to be a SAHM with no support and bitching I didn't bring home sushi. Also, she needs a back rub.
Date: October 27th, 2017 11:59 AM Author: Concupiscible Hunting Ground
I was thinking of this thread last night as I sat in my easy chair with chip crumbs all over the floor from three nights before.
I then went upstairs where wife was watching youtube videos and said very gently, "Hey, sort of messy downstairs, don't you think?"
Wife said, "What part? Those chips!? You made that mess yourself so you clean it up. I cleaned up the kitchen" __the kitchen is literally the only thing she "cleans" but she always leaves out all the dishes and pans from dinner overnight__
I said, "Oh, is that the rule? You clean up the kitchen and I clean up the mess I make? I didn't know that was the rule."
She then left the room, cursing me in another language under her breath, then started to put the kid to bed--which was something I had asked her to do but she said it was my turn.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:18 PM Author: cowardly purple field
She is a doctor. TBF, she is proposing working one day a week now and can bring home 6K a month just doing that. Also, she said this isn't permanent. But you know how that will go once she is used to being a SAHM.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:30 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Gross. She doesn't want to do it long-term. But it will likely be at least this first year. And then she wants to move after I just got a new job here.
I think it’s obvious she needs to stop unilaterally make decisions about where your family is living and her job/childcare based on how she is feeling since shes pretty bad at decision making.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:19 PM Author: cowardly purple field
I told her that was what we needed to do before the baby. We could live in a huge house, have a bunch of family/friends nearby and I could give a shit less if she worked right now.
Uh wut....she can’t just unilaterally decide to quit. she’s going to throw away everything because she didn’t like something she saw on the nanny cam? Get a new nanny then. Your wife has consistently shown bad judgment, least of which is moving to the hell that is SGV. It’s a shame there’s now a kid involved.
Good food, but terrible weather and awful suburban sprawl. Schools are a mixed bag depending on where you live and can easily be gang infested. The good ones are 100% Asian, but do you really want to compete with super study azns in Arcadia or whatever.
There's two people in every marriage bro. I mean, congrats if you happen to have a mentally stable wife, but that's somewhat luck based in my experience. Poor bro now has a kid and would have to litigate against a mentally unstable person to bring some stability back to his life.
Sure, but (1) that's often only apparent in retrospect, plus (2) they could have been the right person for you at the time and then either you or she changed in a way that makes you no longer compatible - - people are not exactly fixed commodities.
Nah there are always warning signs before marriage but people ignore them because they don’t want to be alone or they don’t think they can do better, don’t want to start over etc. People don’t fundamentally change past early-mid 20s. OP and his wife are likely in their 30s if she’s now working as a doctor so I highly doubt she pulled a 180 on him.
When we remember our past selves, they seem quite different. We know how much our personalities and tastes have changed over the years. But when we look ahead, somehow we expect ourselves to stay the same, a team of psychologists said Thursday, describing research they conducted of people’s self-perceptions.
They called this phenomenon the “end of history illusion,” in which people tend to “underestimate how much they will change in the future.” According to their research, which involved more than 19,000 people ages 18 to 68, the illusion persists from teenage years into retirement.
“Middle-aged people — like me — often look back on our teenage selves with some mixture of amusement and chagrin,” said one of the authors, Daniel T. Gilbert, a psychologist at Harvard. “What we never seem to realize is that our future selves will look back and think the very same thing about us. At every age we think we’re having the last laugh, and at every age we’re wrong.”
Why? Dr. Gilbert and his collaborators, Jordi Quoidbach of Harvard and Timothy D. Wilson of the University of Virginia, had a few theories, starting with the well-documented tendency of people to overestimate their own wonderfulness.
“Believing that we just reached the peak of our personal evolution makes us feel good,” Dr. Quoidbach said. “The ‘I wish that I knew then what I know now’ experience might give us a sense of satisfaction and meaning, whereas realizing how transient our preferences and values are might lead us to doubt every decision and generate anxiety.”
Yes people change over time, priorities change, different life experiences have an impact, etc. but I don’t think fundamental personality traits change since you can’t change genetics. Like if someone is emotional and irrational, they don’t stop being so at age 30 or 40 or whatever. Same thing if you’re unemotional and cold, it doesn’t change as you age. but I really don’t want to get into a nature v nurture debate about things.
I can just say anecdotally that every single of my friends who have bad marriages and relationships, I’m not surprised by it and could see it coming.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:17 PM Author: Big-titted Hairy Legs Point
agreed.
i remember when my first friend from high school got married. a bunch of my old hs friends and i were sitting in the church during the ceremony and my one friend leans over towards me and goes, looks like he's the first of us to get married and will probably be the first to get divorced too.
To be fair, I was talking more about priorities than personality traits. Stuff like careers and being a SAHM and where to live and how to spend time are pretty big things to a marriage and can be exacerbated by personality traits that otherwise wouldn't bother you if you still shared the same priorities
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:20 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Probably CR...but I was infatuated with her, lonely and afraid I missed my window to have a family with someone without baggage (LOL at me for thinking this).
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:23 PM Author: glittery scourge upon the earth
agree with this like 95% - for the most part the pre-marriage/pre-babby relationship should reveal major attachment/identity issues but there's something specific about the birth of a babby that can crack open untapped neuroses/anxieties in men or women
Date: October 26th, 2017 4:16 PM Author: Dead site
Yes, because you're perfectly content as a marriedmo. People who like being married compulsively troll for the fundamental soundness of marriage just so long as you do everything right, like they did!
Not trying to be an ass, but hardly anyone is truly objective when it comes to these things, no matter what position they're arguing. The closest thing to 'truth' here is that some people are a hell of a lot more naturally inclined to enjoy monogamy and domesticity than others and those people are largely more successful with marriage.
Date: October 27th, 2017 1:22 AM Author: Dead site
Does anyone dispute this?
You guys are so hilariously defensive the moment anyone implies that family life is anything less than endless bliss. I'm only saying that it's silly to simply advise people to 'choose well.' That's a keyhole view analysis of one of the most important and complex relationships most people engage in.
Date: October 27th, 2017 1:17 AM Author: Dead site
No, this is the ego-fed view of it, amounts to no more than "You have to choose well, like I did!"
What I'm saying is your natural disposition matters a great, great deal. Got lucky and chose a person who will remain statically capable of being your partner in life without tradeoffs that slowly make unhappy? Well done! Just do that!
I'm also not making a judgment on marriage as a net positive or negative in a vacuum. What I am saying is that everyone's homespun advice about what makes a sound marriage is suspect. And the idea that you can predictively choose well is useless. Your ability to sink into married life and find pleasure in it, as well as your partner, is just as critical as 'choosing well.' Some people are simply more capable of monogamy and crave the routine and stability of normal married life. Those people are more likely to have a good experience with it no matter how well or poorly they 'choose.'
Any time somebody on this board questions the sanctity of your domestic bliss you get chippy. No need to protest so loudly when all is well, pal.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:29 PM Author: Appetizing school
Something to be concerned about is when she decides in 2 weeks (days?) that she doesn't really want to be a SAHM anymore because it's exhausting, no breaks, etc.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:35 PM Author: Appetizing school
I LOLed at this once, too, IRL. I learned to never LOL at it again. Remember: There is nothing more difficult than being a SAHM or a schoolteacher. Never say anything different in the presence of women.
Lol you work from home. You should know how exhausting it is to run after a toddler and deal with their tantrums. I think SAHM is legit really difficult with multiple kids, toddlers, and very young infants who need to be fed all the time and don’t sleep.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:08 PM Author: Appetizing school
I'm exaggerating slightly. My wife is (mostly) level-headed about this, but there are days when she's acting like it's the most stressful thing in the world during the 2-3 DAYS/WEEK when she's >50% caregiver. If she needs a break or needs to make dinner, she can plop the kid in front of the TV for an hour -- the house could be burning down and our daughter would just sit there so long as Sesame Street is on. Ours is still sleeping for 14 hours/day or so (and could go longer if we didn't wake her up).
If it were 7 days/week with 3 kids of different ages while living on a LMC paycheck (like our generation's mothers and grandmothers did it), then I'd get it more.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:32 PM Author: Infuriating Whorehouse
Lmao so much to unpack here.
She caused you guys to move to shitty SoCal for HER MY SHREW JOB LIFESTYLE and then wants to quit out of the blue? Also, when did that kid show up? Wow things sound like they're getting crazy. You need to get her in line, asap.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:39 PM Author: Know-it-all plum library
Whoa, she dumped her OBGYN in the last MONTH of pregnancy? And wanted to take on the stress and hassle of moving during this time? She sounds unstable.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:12 PM Author: 180 Gas Station
lolwtf? You moved a month before the baby was due?
You guys need a fucking weekend retreat or something to take stock and figure out WTF is going on. Too bad that's damn near impossible with a 3 month old and no family nearby.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:36 PM Author: Know-it-all plum library
For the third month in a row, prospective homebuyers in Los Angeles County faced a median sale price of $575,000 in September, according to real estate tracker CoreLogic. That’s the highest price ever recorded in the area.
On the bright side, after four straight months of record shattering prices, the cost of buying is finally holding steady.
That’s not the case in other parts of Southern California; Orange and San Bernardino counties both saw median prices shoot up more than 3 percent between August and September—a very sizable increase in such a short time. Across all of Southern California, the median sale price rose to $505,000, up from $500,000 the month before.
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:38 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Hey dickhead, I was fine with her being a SAHM. I was not fine with her deciding to move to ONE OF THE MOST EXPENSIVE PLACES IN THE WORLD against my objections and THEN deciding to be a SAHM. She could be a SAHM in Denver right now and I wouldn't be complaining.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:01 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Harsh, but fair. I am not a lawyer, but have a good job and she still makes way more than me. This has created a fucked up power dynamic where she thinks she can dictate decisions like this because we need to "maximize her income for the family." So we have an irrational, emotion-driven woman making decisions that should be made in a rational manner.
As a doctor, if maximizing income were the goal, you’d move to bumfuck instead one of the most expensive markets in the country. I don’t see the logic there.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:27 PM Author: 180 Gas Station
I'm sympathetic to the notion that family decisions should accommodate the career of the bigger earner, but only if it's a joint decision (i.e. the lesser earner doesn't want to live on less money with more earning responsibility).
Date: October 26th, 2017 1:58 PM Author: beady-eyed cruel-hearted halford
Are both your families from the same area (Omaha?) Take your stand now. she can be a stay at home mom but not in LA. She wants to do that, you get to pick where you live. You just started a new job, but you gotta start looking at where you are going to settle down permanently and be happy. You can't let her make that decision because she seems flighty. Either she goes back to work and you attempt to make LA work or she is a SAHM -- which you are totally fine with -- and you move to x. If she is capable of reason, you can win her over.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:09 PM Author: beady-eyed cruel-hearted halford
Does seem a little hasty. If they move near family, she can work part time and have family help her out. Best of both worlds. Then, when baby is older, she can transition to full time work if she wants
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:16 PM Author: cowardly purple field
MD is paid off, she has no loans. She could work part-time and make good money still. Her current job offered to pay her 80% of her salary for 32 hours a week with three day weekends. Also, they provide free healthcare for our family, gave her a $75K signing bonus and paid for our move (guess who will have to pay this back if she quits). She finds this unacceptable.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:09 PM Author: cowardly purple field
She is from the East coast and has two brothers in Atlanta. She refuses to consider Omaha. I don't know what to do. You are 100% correct, but my best option would be to transfer to another location internally like Charlotte or Tampa (where I have family) after I have been here a year or so. Quitting is not an option right now.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:18 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Bingo. She would be "sacrificing" for me and would resent me once it is a little chilly outside/my mom annoys her/it appears I am enjoying spending time with my lifelong friends.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:24 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Yeah, it sucks. I really wanted to move to Denver because I get not wanting to live in Omaha. But she found Denver to be too much of a sacrifice somehow.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:48 PM Author: Appetizing school
Staying here worked out but by pure luck.
Buffalo would have been attractive for big house (which she doesn't care about after having grown up in an urban Asian hellscape, and then the American version of the same) and family reasons, but in every other way it's a sacrifice. It was a tough sell. If I were making $140K as a low-level corp counsel and we were still in a tiny townhouse, I'd still be pushing for it.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:24 PM Author: Stimulating Ultramarine Temple
she can re-enter easily in medicine no? don't let it get too long. don't have another. leverage this to move where things make sense.
i used to think lots of women planned to fuck their employers over when they decide to not come back but irl your situation is pretty common (not the moving to Cali part). they were also blindsided. it feels biologically wrong handing a kid under 3 to a non-relative fulltime (it's true frankly).
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:37 PM Author: Stimulating Ultramarine Temple
don't trust any chick to keep her job after form babby unless they are hard as fuck entjs/intjs like nutella/29, etc. especially if the $$$ isn't necessary.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:02 PM Author: odious fortuitous meteor
tbh I have no expectation that my wife actually make substantial $$$. This thread isn't terrifying to me because his wife is throwing $$$ away, but because she is making life-altering decisions due to childish impulses he can't stop.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:05 PM Author: odious fortuitous meteor
OFS, I'm not a lunatic "all women suck" MGTOW, but shit like this is still terrifying to me, and it seems like it's hard to predict exactly how a woman will change once she has a kid.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:08 PM Author: cowardly purple field
She is totally irrational Charles. Purely emotion driven and makes huge, life-altering decisions on whims. No appeal to reason, logic, practicality, or future consequences will dissuade her from what FEELS right in the moment. She was literally talking about buying a house in California and how great her job was the night before. I feel like my life is out of my hands and being controlled by a crazy person.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:48 PM Author: 180 Gas Station
I got nothing for you there. My wife and I fell in love in college, broke up once or twice, got back together, got engaged after we'd known each other 6 years, and got married a year later.
She was not the type I was looking for, but I could just tell she was a good person.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:54 PM Author: Appetizing school
Will make a suitable mother. Not all women (and not all good women) are cut out for it in 2017 now that it's all but discouraged for women to prioritize families.
Parents aren't divorced. Good relationship with parents, siblings, and grandparents and speaks to them regularly.
Same goals as you (e.g., having a family, living in the suburbs, and living near aging parents v. moving to London for work and sending kids to $45k/yr schools).
Some shared interests; no directly opposing interests. You love nothing more than going to the opera? Don't marry someone who's been going to punk shows since age 12, because planning weekends/free time will be a major compromise.
Understands money and lives below her means. Ideally is not supported by her parents.
Has friends and healthy relationships with them. If it's all drama all the time, run.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:59 PM Author: 180 Gas Station
I'll co-sign some of this, but I think prioritizing similarity of life goals is overrated. Matching those kinds of things on paper is less important than finding someone that you can work well with as a team to solve mutual problems. Someone you can talk to honestly and work together with is the key, IMO.
I dunno, the crazy ass women I know who drive their husbands nuts all have a crazy sense of entitlement. Like they were used to getting their way since they were a child and expect the world to revolve around them. This isn’t a career woman v gold digger thing though. Lots of career women are incapable of making the sacrifices necessary to be a good wife or mother.
I think you can sense of entitlement well before you get married. Obviously someone who grew up upper middle class or more is more likely to have it. Somebody with useless degrees prob has it. It’s not that hard to tell.
Date: October 26th, 2017 4:01 PM Author: bisexual deranged house juggernaut
You'll never hear me advise anyone to get married. As far as I'm concerned, there's a 3.7 billion way tie for "worst person in the world," being held by all women on Earth.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:29 PM Author: odious fortuitous meteor
I mean, same here. My life is pretty 180 right now. It's toxic because I sometimes think of pursuing marriage and then this stuff makes me think "haha WOW fuck no."
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:36 PM Author: 180 Gas Station
It's impossible to judge "marriage." You can only judge marriage to a particular person. If you find the right person, then marriage to that person is awesome. Otherwise, it's a different ballgame.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:54 PM Author: Ebony nowag
She just had a kid. Both her brain chemistry and life priorities have been altered dramatically in a short period of time.
OP should tell her to take a few weeks off work to babysit kid until the au pair arrives. Does she still have some unpaid FMLA she can exhaust? That's better than quitting her job.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:58 PM Author: Ebony nowag
The she should ask for a few weeks off work using PTO. Or you should. Either way, the net benefit is that she gets to keep her job/income and engage in overall better decision-making once this fatuousness wears off.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:57 PM Author: Stimulating Ultramarine Temple
You should take this as a blessing in disguise and run for Lincoln or wherever now. That will be a bigger mistake than a doctor taking a sabbatical for family reasons.
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:59 PM Author: Appetizing school
cr, maybe some good can be made of this.
Still, he'd have to pay back signing bonus, relocation expenses, they have a lease, he just started a job and would have to leave quickly and then have to explain it, etc. They also can't decide where to move.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:00 PM Author: Stimulating Ultramarine Temple
they'd trade 1.5M shitbox for 500K mcmansion potentially. they have room to run. they have no connections to Cali other than work which his wife isn't going to do FT for a while.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:02 PM Author: cowardly purple field
I am not moving now. It makes no sense. In 9 months or so when the lease is up, baby is a year old and I have been at my job for a year we will decide where we want to live. I am not going to compound this mistake.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:13 PM Author: Stimulating Ultramarine Temple
So move in 9 months. You have the option to correct that mistake right now and that mistake just got compounded because it turns out your wife's plan to shrew in LA (or SF?) isn't actually going to happen.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:03 PM Author: Impressive floppy hospital
real talk: in OP's wife's mind, she settled for OP. he's a beta-ass bitch whose career isn't even as good as hers. she literally thinks OP deserves no say in any decisions she makes about HER life because what he brings to the table is so beneath her. this isn't something you can fix with a "very serious discussion"
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:12 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Oh fuck off bro. You don't know me. I have a good job and make money. Her current decision making is EXACTLY how she has behaved in relationships in the past - including with people that make far more money than me. The difference is they cut her loose when she acted this way and I have a kid with her and can't do that.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:16 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Update: She found a job paying $200K a year where she would be working every weekend and then stays home during the week with the baby and is going to apply for it.
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:23 PM Author: odious fortuitous meteor
Chances she decides within 6 months that "I can't handle losing all my weekend" and loses it because psychologically she views this arrangement as "working 7 days a week?"
Wtf that’s weird since weekends are the only time you can spend together as a family. She’s fine just leaving you with the kid and not spending any time with you on the weekends?
Date: October 26th, 2017 3:34 PM Author: Know-it-all plum library
Having your wife turn on you right after birth to extract maximum concessions is everyone’s deepest fear. That’s when she has maximal leverage and you have to hope she isn’t machevellian enough to use it.
Date: October 26th, 2017 6:16 PM Author: aqua abode rigor
So if there is a lesson to be learned here, (1) don't marry a crazy wife, but (2) if you do marry a crazy wife and she starts to do something crazy, fight it?
Date: October 26th, 2017 6:58 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Yeah, but this has been unbelievably difficult. There is more to it than I posted. I think she has a personality disorder and had a psychotic break after the baby. Some CRAZY shit has gone down. I am exhausted and stressed and feel like I am on the verge of losing it every day.
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:15 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Details: She routinely threatens divorce and has said she will ruin my life if that happens, has physically assaulted me, would scream at me for hours over minor stuff, she would get manic and wouldn't sleep, cried uncontrollably over small stuff. Blames me for everything and refuses to take accountability for her actions. Major rage issues.
Before the baby she wasn't like this. She is very temperamental, but nothing like this. She would have rage episodes, but took mood stabilizers to control them and was pleasant to be around most of time. She is not taking anything and has been hormonal, can't sleep and under extreme stress and it has resulted in her losing it constantly. She is delaying getting back on medication or seeing a therapist.
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:25 PM Author: Talented Tantric Brethren
This is not going to end well. The milk is sour. You don't put it back in the fridge. You throw it out and buy new milk.
Get a divorce, but first file a TRO against her. Actually, what you do is you start an argument with her, get her to be psychotic, get her to attack you, call the cops, have her arrested, then file the TRO the very next morning before she does (because she will as soon as she bails out), and serve her with the move out papers.
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:30 PM Author: Talented Tantric Brethren
She's been making his life a living hell. He doesn't even fully realize how unhappy he is. His love is just an irrational emotion at this point. He can get the kid.
Maybe a divorce and TRO would be a wake up call for this bitch. It would permanently put him back in the driver's seat if he decided to reconcile.
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:26 PM Author: Appetizing school
You probably have to keep your head down for a few months and deal. Having an infant, not getting enough sleep, etc. is stressful even for mentally healthy people. Then at some point (6 months?) have a sit-down and make it clear that this can't continue this way and she needs to get back to the therapist and on the pills -- the alternative isn't an option.
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:22 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Mom just died and went through a nasty dispute with her brother over the inheritance, one brother tried to murder/suicide his wife and is going to prison, we moved cross-country when she was 8 months pregnant, she had to take her board exams and start a new high-stress job that involves two hours of commuting in hellish LA traffic and she had a baby with no family or friends anywhere nearby
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:28 PM Author: cowardly purple field
We are both stuck in a nightmarish situation. I love her an have genuine empathy for what she has been through. But she uses me as a literal and figurative punching bag.
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:26 PM Author: narrow-minded mauve church prole
why the fuck would you agree to the move? grow some balls and put your foot down. appeasing crazy women is never the cr move. as you noticed with the SAHM decision they just push the boundaries further
deciding UNILATERALLY to go SAHM would be such a deal breaker for me personally. Its not about being SAHM but about not even consulting you at all on this big decision. she doesn't look at you as a traditional Husband (household leader) or even a fucking partner. You are being looked at as an associate right out of business school while she is the MD.
So you are at an inflection point. Either completely cuck up or take a stand. your choice
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:31 PM Author: cowardly purple field
Yeah, she is definitely treating me that way. There is no partnership in her eyes because she makes more money, even though I make an upper-middle class professional salary.
I don't think she will go through with SAHM move. She will probably go part time. We are going to have to have a major talk.
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:39 PM Author: narrow-minded mauve church prole
SAHM is just the symptom. At the core the real issues are the fact that she seems to have some personality disorder AND she has very little respect for you.
so good luck and maybe just go full cuck for the sake of the baby bcos i just dont see a fully grown adult changing their personality and becoming a new person. it will be a miracle
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:41 PM Author: Azure theatre
lol at having "a talk".
I'm gonna be blunt with you man, you made a huge mistake marrying this woman and having a kid with her. I have firsthand experience with these types of women, they are raging whirlwinds and no amount of reason or "talking" is going to accomplish anything, You might as well go start a conversation with a black hole.
I can also tell that you're a bit of a pushover and codependent, making you a prime target for these types of marriages. It is too late to sack up and try to "fix" anything because a) she doesn't respect you and b) it isn't worth it anyway. Make no mistake, this woman is your ENEMY and she WILL try to destroy you.
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:22 PM Author: Talented Tantric Brethren
Bro, if she ever initiates the divorce, you will 100% get DVTRO pwnd. Not 99%. 100%.
I have seen this a million times. Guys like you would come into my office and tell me, "Nah, I've never hit her or anything."
She will lie her ass off, you will have a TRO on your permanent record.
You need to document these times she has assaulted you, been "psychotic" with dates and summaries that you can give you lawyer to draft the declaration in support of your TRO against her.
The person who pulls the trigger first on this wins the kids. The other one gets supervised visits and loses the house.
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:28 PM Author: Talented Tantric Brethren
Bro, the best thing you can do is hit record on your phone in the middle of one of her psychotic episodes. At least capture the audio, the video isn't important.
Make sure you yell, "I'm recording this," if you are in a dual consent state.
I've had many clients pull out their phone, hit record, say they are recording, and their spouse keeps on acting crazy.
The key is not sitting on this evidence long. Act fast and file. Bam! Now you have the kids, the house, 95% custody, you file for a move-away back to wherever you want to go. With 95% custody you will win the move away.
If you wait until she gets 50% custody, you won't win the move away.
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:38 PM Author: Talented Tantric Brethren
Not many people know this, but you cannot use an illegal recording in a California court to prove anything. There is ONE exception: to defend yourself against a false DV allegation.
I would always advise my clients that were going through a divorce, but still interacting with their spouse to have their phone recording 100% of the time just in case the spouse filed a false DV claim.
Most false allegations surround an actual verbal argument, but the woman will then pick up the phone, call 911, and say her husband just hit her. Usually she is the one who hit him and they just reverse the facts.
A lot of times, the woman hits the man, the man calls the police, the police come, the woman tells the police the man hit her, the police take the man to jail who is screaming, "I'M THE ONE WHO CALLED YOU!" as they are shoving him into the police cruiser.
Date: October 27th, 2017 1:02 AM Author: aqua abode rigor
I still hope this is all flame but if it is I've got to tip my cap to the OP--terrifying. I'd be worried about the stress of pregnancy for any modern woman given the huge change in lifestyle, high likelihood of postpartum depression, physical trauma to the body, and issues related to stopping/continuing mood stabilizers, stims, benzos, etc.
Date: October 26th, 2017 8:54 PM Author: cowardly purple field
We dated for a year before we got married and had like a 4-5 month engagement.
It is a possibility. We started dating at a time where she really wanted to get married and have a family and I happened to be who she was with at the time. I was coming off a broken engagement and she was younger, hot, and fun to be with. I was hooking up with a lot of app girls before dating her and feeling like a loser and wanted to get marriied and have a family too.
Date: October 27th, 2017 11:34 AM Author: cowardly purple field
Working for now, but she told me again this morning she is going to quit her job. She has a meeting with her boss today and going to ask for an unpaid leave of absence and is looking at different part-time options where she would do telemedicine one day a week or work a weekend shift.
Date: October 27th, 2017 11:59 AM Author: cowardly purple field
IDK, she was talking about working part time this year because the first year is most important for the baby to develop healthy attachment and then finding a full time job in a year. She has been grinding hard for a decade (she did an I-banking analyst stint before med school and residency), just had her mom die and had a baby and is burnt out.
She is obsessed with "building wealth" and will go back to work I think.
Date: October 27th, 2017 2:36 PM Author: magenta swollen piazza
Real talk: it isn't PPD. It's a permanent change.
You can't understand this until after you have kids, but no matter where a woman falls on crazy spectrum she will incrementally move towards the crazier end of the spectrum after each kid. Maybe it's the horomomes, the stress or the changes to the body, but it happens.
My SAH wife is truly 180, but she went from tenth percentile crazy prekids to fifteenth percentile after the first and twentieth percentile after the second kid. I'm still very happy and wouldn't change a thing, but the changes for her after kids are real.
Date: October 27th, 2017 12:54 PM Author: cowardly purple field
I need to protect myself and have no illusions about the situation I am in. If shit gets really crazy, I need to be prepared. Also, my wife is in desperate need of psychiatric help and I need to push this harder than I have been with her. Finally, I made a huge mistake accommodating her desire to move to SoCal and was too much of a pushover. She wants to move when our lease is up in June and have me just quit my job to move to the East Coast. I told her no way and that we were going to rationally think through our next move and not make another decision like this.
the MAJOR takeaway is never marry a woman who makes more than you; more broadly, ALWAYS BE DOMINATING the relationship, and always have total power over your woman or else you're gonna be completely miserable. hth charles
Date: October 27th, 2017 2:16 PM Author: lilac racy party of the first part
there should be a balance. Like I was in a long term relationship where I was making $200k a year in biglaw and my gf was a libtard making $12/hr doing office work. That is an unhealthy dynamic as well
that said i respect our friend's need for some kindness and delicacy at this time. i don't want the writers killing him off i think he should stay for the next few seasons at least
Date: October 27th, 2017 2:25 PM Author: cowardly purple field
I don't know if I would say for sure. Just she would really nut out and who knows what she would do. I didn't know she was this type of person entering the marriage. I saw warning signs of a personality disorder and she got on mood stabilizers and seemed to get better. Then her mom died when she was in her last trimester and my life has been a total nightmare ever since.
Date: October 27th, 2017 3:32 PM Author: glittery scourge upon the earth
that last sentence is so sad
your wife sounds like a real piece of work, but of all the things to be a fucking lunatic over, becoming a mother at the point of losing your own mother is pretty much at the top of the list
being a mother was always going to be hard for her (if this personality disorder stuff is legit); but doing it right after facing her own mothers' death?
Date: November 22nd, 2017 10:11 AM Author: domesticated principal's office
OP, if you didn't have a 3 month old, I would advise you to get a divorce asap. However, since you already have a kid with her, you're pretty much stuck.