"St. James Davis had severe facial injuries and would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach his nose, Dr. Maureen Martin of Kern Medical Center told KGET-TV of Bakersfield. His testicles and a foot also were severed, Kern County Sheriff's Cmdr. Hal Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian.

...

Buddy, a 16-year-old male chimp, initiated the attack and after he was shot, Ollie, a 13-year-old male, grabbed the gravely injured man and dragged him down the road, authorities said."

Holy shit!

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2255772)

Maybe they should have brought in the horse video.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2255937)

What the fuck? He was packing a handgun and decided he needed a rifle?

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2255784)

I fucking hate chimps. I'm never going to go into pro bonobo work.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2255826)

That was so absolutely terrible I laughed.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2255828)

If you're going to do pro bonobo, at least team up with a pubic defender.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2255835)

Holy shit, it took .45 ACP hollowpoints to down these fuckers. Do you know how much stopping power that is?

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2256069)

Have you seen Shamu? Orcas are the most physically impressive and powerful carnivores on the planet. Fucking T-Rex in the water, and smart as shit.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2256138)

so very much!

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2260067)

Modern-day hunters shoot from a distance and aim for the head, due to the heart thing described above.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2256149)

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2256196)

How can a bear even run with no heart? Is that possible?

Finally, what makes chimps so fucking strong? Are their muscles just a different composition? WTF?

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#4408307)

I figure our ancestors had big cocks to strut around peacock-like in order to impress the caveladies.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2255922)

Of course, unlike you, they would someday produce the complete works of Shakespeare, while you might never get out of the cage.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2255891)

"It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times"

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2255903)

Chimpanzees look mighty cute trucking around on their roller skates, wearing funny hats, and going "ook, ook," but when roused they are vicious little bastards and not to be trifled with. Blessed with a muscle structure considerably superior to that of Homo sapiens (if not nearly as fetching in a bathing suit), chimpanzees can handle almost anything that comes along. Three drunks at a carnival would be no sweat.

It's a lot easier to get a chimp in roller skates than it is to get him to pump iron--hence, most of the data on chimp strength is anecdotal and decidedly unscientific. In tests at the Bronx Zoo in 1924, a dynamometer--a scale that measures the mechanical force of a pull on a spring--was erected in the monkey house. A 165-pound male chimpanzee named "Boma" registered a pull of 847 pounds, using only his right hand (although he did have his feet braced against the wall, being somewhat hip, in his simian way, to the principles of leverage). A 165-pound man, by comparison, could manage a one-handed pull of about 210 pounds. Even more frightening, a female chimp, weighing a mere 135 pounds and going by the name of Suzette, checked in with a one-handed pull of 1,260 pounds. (She was in a fit of passion at the time; one shudders to think what her boyfriend must have looked like next morning.) In dead lifts, chimps have been known to manage weights of 600 pounds without even breaking into a sweat. A male gorilla could probably heft an 1,800-pound weight and not think twice about it.

As you might deduce, therefore, the word on keeping chimps as pets is a big negatory. Chimpanzees can never be fully domesticated; they're aggressive by nature and sooner or later they'll start to threaten their keepers in subtle ape ways that the untrained eye won't recognize, until one day--blammo.

But maybe you're thinking, I'll just keep the little beast until it starts to act tough, and then toss it back into the jungle. Wrong. A chimpanzee brought up in captivity won't be accepted by its brothers in the wild. Shunned, the citified chimp will either starve to death or be set upon by a simian hit squad. No matter how you look at it, keeping a chimp as a pet is dangerous and inhumane.

--CECIL ADAMS

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#6711236)

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2255862)

It's funny but not the most savage

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2255909)

Agreed. Chimp vs. a pack of Rottweilers would be gully as well.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2256098)

Two escaped chimps shot dead during vicious mauling at sanctuary; 2 others caught

By CHRISTINA VANCE and MISTY WILLIAMS, Californian staff writers e-mails: cvance@bakersfield.com; mwilliams@bakersfield.com

Posted: Thursday March 3rd, 2005, 11:25 PM

Last Updated: Thursday March 3rd, 2005, 11:32 PM

HAVILAH -- Escaped chimpanzees ripped a man to pieces Thursday morning at an animal sanctuary near Havilah.

The two male apes who mauled West Covina resident St. James Davis were shot to death during the attack, Kern County sheriff's Cmdr. Hal Chealander said.

Davis was listed in critical condition at Loma Linda University Medical Center as of Thursday evening.

The savage attack at Animal Haven Ranch, a kind of retirement home for exotic zoo animals, came as Davis and his wife, LaDonna, were visiting Moe, a chimp they'd kept at their home for more than 30 years before it was removed after biting off a woman's finger.

It was during the morning visit to celebrate Moe's birthday that four chimps owned by the ranch's caretakers, Ralph and Virginia Brauer, escaped, Chealander said.

The apes were in a separate cage from Moe, and it wasn't immediately clear how they escaped. Once everyone at the ranch noticed the four chimps were out, they tried to calm and contain them.

The Brauers' son-in-law, Mark Carruthers, was holding his baby when the animals escaped, Chealander said.

Carruthers placed the child in a bedroom to protect him, but Mrs. Brauer ran in moments later, saying one of the animals was killing Davis, Chealander said.

After grabbing his .45-caliber handgun, Carruthers ran outside to stop the bloody attack.

Buddy, a 16-year-old male chimp, was biting Davis all over his face and body, Chealander said.

"Everybody was trying to get the chimp off," he said. "(Davis') face was literally ripped off."

As LaDonna Davis tried to help her husband Buddy bit her, causing an injury to her arm or hand.

Nearby, Ollie, a 13-year-old male chimp, was lunging back and forth acting like he wanted to attack, Chealander said.

Carruthers reportedly took a shot at Ollie and realized he had to reload with stronger ammunition to stop the powerful creatures.

He ran inside and returned, this time taking careful aim and shooting Buddy down, Chealander said.

As soon as Buddy let go of Davis, Ollie grabbed the helpless man and began dragging him down the road, Chealander said.

Carruthers fired again. Ollie fell.

The gunshots and shouting spooked the other escaped apes, Susie, 59, and Bones, 40, Chealander said. Neither of the females had joined in the attack.

Sheriff's officials got the call for help around 11 a.m., and medical crews rushed to the scene.

Medics bagged Davis' severed nose and eye in hopes of reconstruction. His foot was gnawed off during the attack and he suffered a severe groin injury, Chealander said.

Both Davises were taken by helicopter to Kern Medical Center, Chealander said.

After the attack, the search for the missing apes was on.

"We don't want to hurt them," Chealander said around 1 p.m. Thursday. "(Mrs. Brauer) has a relationship with these animals."

The chimps' caretakers joined state and county officials in the search for the missing animals, twisting up and down the dirt roads cutting through the mountain ridges around the ranch.

Around 2 p.m., they spotted the chimps. Brauer coaxed them in a cheerful tone.

"Come on girl! Come on girl!" Brauer said. "Su-zie!" "Bo-ones!"

No luck that time. The chimps slipped away and the search stretched on.

Neighbors sympathized with the Brauers' predicament. Teresa Randazzo said area children used to visit the ranch and bring bananas for the chimps.

"Nobody ever complains about these people," neighbor Debbie Hay said. "I think they tried to do a good thing."

Around 3:15 p.m., the searchers won a victory. They managed to get close enough to one of the chimps to give her water and tranquilizers. The situation improved from there.

By 4:30 p.m., both chimps were back with the Brauers.

One ape was found along a dirt road off of Caliente Bodfish Road and was gently coaxed into the Brauers' red Toyota pickup cab.

"I see a chimp walking down the road with Virginia," said Terry Mullen, a Fish and Game warden.

The second one soon followed. That chimp had found a family along the same road and was standing with them as they tried to keep her calm, Mullen said.

"These two people were actually petting this chimp," he said.

The elderly chimps were driven home together in the cab with their human caretakers. One watched the world go by the passenger's side window with a steady gaze.

Back at the cages, Bones left the truck first, but she didn't go into the cage.

Instead, Chealander said, she wandered through an open gate that no one closed. They tried using cauliflower to call her back, but it didn't work.

"Get some ice cream!" Mrs. Brauer said, according to Chealander.

That did it. Soon, both chimps were safely in their cages.

Chimps can weigh up to 200 pounds and are five times stronger than humans, said Martine Colette, animal services director at Wildlife WayStation in Southern California.

The animals have complex personalities and might attack for a number of reasons, especially if they're approached by someone they don't know and feel threatened, Colette said.

"For all they know, you may want to harm them," she said. "There's a defense mechanism that just comes right into being immediately."

The animals also have excellent memories and will retaliate against someone they don't like, the director said.

Chimps can live to be 55 or 60 years old and bond closely with those around them, she said.

Typically, when a chimp gets out of its cage, it's because someone didn't close or lock a gate, Colette said.

These apes have the mentality of a 6-year-old child and will quickly figure out if they can escape.

Chimps may also become aggressive if they get out of their normal enclosure and become frightened, said Jennie McNary, a mammal curator at the Los Angeles Zoo.

The chimps aren't violent or dangerous as long as you respect them and their environment, said Brauer friend Pam Stewart, who sometimes trucks oranges and other fruit to the sanctuary.

"They're cute little things, but they grow and they get big," Stewart said.

Virginia Brauer devoted her whole life to taking care of the chimpanzees at Animal Haven, said friend Jeanne Miller.

The couple cared for the animals with their own money and the help of friends, who brought fruit, she said. Mr. Brauer drives trucks, and Mrs. Brauer takes care of the chimps, Miller said.

"She's a wonderful person. She's devoted her whole life to taking care of these chimpanzees," Miller said. "She only leaves that mountain once a year to go to the doctor."

Brauer always took time to educate visitors about the apes and the importance of not trying to keep them as pets, she said.

Animal Haven Ranch is one of about three animal sanctuaries scattered throughout Kern County, said county Planning Director Ted James.

"A lot of times, neighboring property owners are concerned about what if the animals get out," he said.

Neighbor Veronica Evans said the chimps never worried her until Thursday.

"The most concern was always mountain lions, never monkeys," she said.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2256059)

Payback's a bitch.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2256077)

2) To add insult to the injury of their poor woman who is now permanently disfigured (yes, for a woman this counts as disfigurement - think about how often they get their nails done), they go to celebrate the birthday of this dumb animal.

I can't believe I even had to explain this...

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2256111)

I'm not sure that's how Karma works.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2256135)

The Law of Karma

In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.' A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.)

http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/freenet/rootdir/menus/sigs/religion/buddhism/introduction/truths/karma2.html

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2256157)

I will assert that there is a ´Law of Ptdollar´ where, for every event that occurs, there will follow two other events which may be good or bad depending on the consistency of the residue from the first event. Too many events in a row with bad consistency puts things in ´arrears.´ Hence, Africa.

See?

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2256191)

Im launching a preemptive strike with a 2x4 or a shotgun on any monkey anyone is dumb enough to let get close to me after reading this story.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#2263430)

(OP has best name of all)

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#3912770)

In order to rip off said testicle, the chimp obviously had to squeeze it. Imagine the pain seering through his crotch during those seconds that chimp was squeezing it?

Lord have mercy

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#3912841)

Chimps have warm hands.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#3912847)

A female chimpanzee's vagina is 3 degrees celcius hotter than a

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#3912916)

Ok, my pathetic attempt at witty humor for the day is officially over. I'll now go catch up on my Evidence reading. Good night, all.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#3912928)

BAKERSFIELD, California (AP) -- A couple's plans for a birthday party for their former pet chimpanzee turned tragic when two other chimps at an animal sanctuary escaped from their cage and attacked. The man was critically injured with massive wounds to his face, body and limbs, and the attacking animals were shot dead.

St. James and LaDonna Davis were at the Animal Haven Ranch in Caliente to celebrate the birthday of Moe, a 39-year-old chimpanzee who was taken from their suburban Los Angeles home in 1999 after biting off part of a woman's finger.

Moe was not involved in Thursday's attack, said Steve Martarano, a spokesman for the California Department of Fish and Game.

The couple had brought Moe a cake and were standing outside his cage when Buddy and Ollie, two of four chimpanzees in the adjoining cage, attacked St. James Davis, Martarano said. Officials have not determined how the chimps got out of their enclosure, he said.

LaDonna Davis, 64, suffered a bite wound to the hand while trying to help her 62-year-old husband, Martarano said.

The son-in-law of the sanctuary's owner killed the attacking animals, Martarano said.

"He saw what was happening and had one kind of weapon with him and then got another he felt would be more substantial and shot them," Martarano said. "He pretty much saved a life."

St. James Davis had severe facial injuries and would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach his nose, Dr. Maureen Martin of Kern Medical Center told KGET-TV of Bakersfield. His testicles and a foot also were severed, Kern County Sheriff's Cmdr. Hal Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian.

Davis was transported to Loma Linda University Medical Center, where he was undergoing surgery late Thursday, Martarano said.

Buddy, a 16-year-old male chimp, initiated the attack and after he was shot, Ollie, a 13-year-old male, grabbed the gravely injured man and dragged him down the road, authorities said.

"Everybody was trying to get the chimp off," Chealander said.

Two other chimps, females named Susie and Bones, also escaped from the cage they shared with Ollie and Buddy, prompting sheriff's deputies, animal control workers, and Fish and Game officials to launch a search.

The wayward pair were recovered by Animal Haven owner Virginia Brauer after five hours. Martarano said one chimp was two miles from the sanctuary, located 25 miles southeast of Bakersfield.

The Davises had waged an unsuccessful legal fight to bring Moe back to their West Covina home and visited him regularly at the sanctuary where he had been living since October. They brought the chimp from Africa decades ago after a poacher killed his mother.

Animal Haven Ranch has held state permits to shelter animals since 1985 and serves as a sanctuary for animals that have been confiscated or discovered lost, Martarano said.

It is allowed to house up to nine primates at one time and is home to one spider monkey and six chimpanzees, he said. The permits are held by Virginia and Ralph Brauer, whom neighbors described as responsible animal lovers.

"She's devoted her whole life to taking care of these chimpanzees," said Jeanne Miller, a family friend.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#3932106)

nah who am I kidding, I dreamt of him last night

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#4408275)

someone metnioned this link.....monkeys at typewriters..

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#4408335)

*jumps out window*

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#5641666)

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#6243834)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rjzD8C3Wh5A&mode=related&search=karate%20chimp%20ponytail%20monkey

http://youtube.com/watch?v=El4M5tk-N1A&mode=related&search=

http://youtube.com/watch?search=karate+chimp+ponytail+monkey&mode=related&v=PMyADHpwJfE

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3sATcyuAC0g&mode=related&search=karate%20chimp%20ponytail%20monkey

http://youtube.com/watch?v=K3zEnyjS0rY&mode=related&search=karate%20chimp%20ponytail%20monkey

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#6711605)

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/10/01/coverstory.tm/index.html

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#6711637)

assuming i was 4 1/2 feet, it was probably 2 times smaller than me. i dont think a grown chimp is much more than 1/2 a grown man's size. it's not a gorilla. i think the only way it could beat up a man is if it beat him. just like any animal it could bite you in half. but its punching power is pretty weak.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=144093&forum_id=2#6711743)