Date: September 9th, 2026 9:29 AM Author: salmon masturbator
I was a straight A student. It was 8th grade. We were coming down the home stretch, and the coach decided to off-handedly announce, "we're going to give a written final this year."
I pondered, nervously, what could we possibly be tested on.
He went on, "Don't worry though, it'll be simple questions like how many yards to a first down."
I panicked. A gasp caught in my throat. The world seemed to stop.
I had no clue.
What will this do to my GPA? What will my parents think? What will my friends think? (In truth, I had neither).
Despite having played football in both 7th and 8th grade, I had always been put on the O-Line and told to knock the guy in front of me over and maybe one of the linebackers behind him. I had no idea what we were trying to do in terms of moving the ball. That had never once been emphasized. Practices just entailed a lot of conditioning and then blocking. I even broke my arm in a blocking drill at the end of 7th grade. That Coach, who we all lovingly called Coach BlowJob, didn't believe that I couldn't move my arm.
Anyways, they ended up not having a test at all and everyone in athletics got an A just for showing up and being on the team.
Date: September 9th, 2026 9:57 AM Author: salmon masturbator
Yeah, he was actually a jerk. The head football coach was chill but Coach BlowJob was a nazi who'd hand out 500 yards of air raids just for laughing or being 2 minutes late from dressing out.
Date: September 9th, 2026 2:21 PM Author: salmon masturbator
Well, usually I would head off the field with everyone else. If they were sending in the kicker I knew I was no longer needed.
I will also add that it's not like I played many downs. I mostly just stood there in the rotation waiting for the kids in front of me to tire down. By the end of the game, if someone ahead of me was gassed, I'd get to go in for a couple downs in the third or fourth quarter.