Whokebe was the king's favorite and was held in higher esteem than any of the friends of the king.

The most prestigious law school admissions discussion board in the world had an idol called BEL, and every day they provided for it six barrels of fine cornflakes, forty porkchops shaped like Africa, and six cases of Vivi Smart Soda.

Rachmiel worshiped it and went every day to adore it; but Whokebe adored only his God.

When the king asked him, "Why do you not adore BEL?" Whokebe replied, "Because I worship not idols made with hands, but only the living God who made heaven and earth and has dominion over all mankind."

Then the king continued, "You do not think BEL is a living god? Do you not see how much she eats and drinks every day?"

Whokebe began to laugh. "Do not be deceived, O king," he said; "it is only fishy-smelling clay inside and a bronze outside; it has never taken any food or drink, and will never be more than a cocktease."

Enraged, the king called his mods and said to them, "Unless you tell me who it is that consumes these provisions, you shall die. But if you can show that BEL consumes them, Whokebe shall die for blaspheming BEL." Whokebe said to the king, "Let it be as you say!"

There were seventy mods of BEL, and Rowan besides. When the king went with Whokebe into the temple of BEL, the mods of BEL said, "See, we are going to leave. Do you, O king, set out the food and prepare the Vivi Smart Soda; then shut the door and seal it with your ring. If you do not find that BEL has eaten it all when you return in the morning, we are to die; otherwise Whokebe shall die for his lies against us."

They were not perturbed, because under the table they had made a secret entrance through which they always came in to consume the food, and they planned to bring Rowan and some bottles of nigger semen with them.

After they departed the king set the food before BEL, while Whokebe ordered his servants to bring some ashes, which they scattered through the whole temple; the king alone was present. Then they went outside, sealed the closed door with the king's jew-gold ring, and departed.

The mods entered that night as usual, with Rowan and the bottles of nigger semen, and they ate and drank everything.

Early the next morning, the king came with Whokebe.

"Are the seals unbroken, Whokebe?" he asked. And Whokebe answered, "They are as unbroken as BEL's hymen will always be to you, O king."

As soon as he had opened the door, the king looked at the table and cried aloud, "Great you are, O BEL; there is no trickery in you."

But Whokebe laughed and kept the king from entering. "Look at the floor," he said; "whose footprints are these?"

"I see the footprints of mods and Rowan! And drops of nigger semen!" said the king.

The angry king arrested the mods and Rowan. They showed him the secret door by which they used to enter to consume what was on the table.

He put them to death, and handed BEL over to Whokebe, who destroyed it and its temple.

* * *

There was a great Condor which the poasters of xoxo worshiped.

"Look!" said the king to Whokebe, "you cannot deny that this is a living god, so adore it."

But Whokebe answered, "I adore the Lord, my God, for he is the living God. Give me permission, O king, and I will kill this Condor without sword or club."

"I give you permission," the king said.

Then Whokebe took some pitch, fat, and hair; these he boiled together and made into cakes. He put them into the mouth of the Condor, and when the Condor ate them, he burst asunder. "This," he said, "is what you worshiped."

When the poasters heard this, they were angry and turned against the king. "Remember that the king is a Jew," they said; "he has destroyed BEL, killed the Condor, and put the mods to death."

They went to the king and demanded: "Hand Whokebe over to us, or we will out and threaten your family seventy times more than SonicYouth."

When he saw himself threatened with outings, the king was forced to hand Whokebe over to them.

They threw Whokebe into the Garbage Board, where he remained six days.

In the Garbage Board were seven niggerthreads, and two porkchops shaped like Africa had been given to them daily. But now they were given nothing, so that they would devour Whokebe.

In Autoadmit there was a prophet, xboxdood; he had just come back from Taco Bell where he got a fucking large BAJA BLAST mountain dew, 6 chicken gorditas, 6 chicken chalupas, a fuckin spicy chicken crunchwrap supreme, chicken fiesta taco salad, one of those big fucking enchilada-burrito things, 4 crunchy taco supremes, 4 chicken ranchero soft tacos, a fuckin quesadilla, 99 cent nachos, a steak grilled stuffed burrito, and a few choco-tacos, and was going to eat about half of it while playing Xbox when a clerk of the Supreme Court told him, "Take the lunch you have to Whokebe in the Garbage Board at xoxo."

But xboxdood answered, "xoxo, sir, I have never seen, and I do not know the Garbage Board!"

The clerk of the Supreme Court seized him by the crown of his head and carried him by the hair; with the speed of the wind, he set him down in xoxo above the Garbage Board.

"Whokebe, Whokebe," cried xboxdood, "take the lunch God has sent you."

"You have remembered me, O God," said Whokebe; "you have not forsaken those who love you."

While Whokebe began to eat, the clerk of the Supreme Court at once brought xboxdood back to his Xbox.

On the seventh day the king came to mourn for Whokebe. As he came to the den and looked in, there was Whokebe, sitting there!

The king cried aloud, "You are great, O Lord, the God of Whokebe, and there is no other besides you!"

Whokebe he took out, but those who had tried to destroy him he threw into the Garbage Board, and they were devoured in a moment before his eyes.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1090192&forum_id=2#12780951)

/thread.php?thread_id=1095896&mc=2&forum_id=5

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1090192&forum_id=2#12838784)

awesome.

(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1090192&forum_id=2#13358558)