Date: November 26th, 2005 11:47 PM Author: smoky free-loading stock car
I just got through reading the pensive posts about his departure, and then the posts by "West Coast Guy", who is very clearly pensive.
I am a Carleton gradudate who had, and still has, access to pensive's Carleton userfile. In that userfile, which is part of an internal message board system at the college, pensive posted exactly the same kind of messages he has posted here. There is the same mindboggling defensiveness, the pathetic retreat to claims of "schtick" whenever his posts become too incendiary or offensive, the misogyny, the delusions of grandeur. He ended his user file with in a depressed, conciliatory tone like he did here, though the system prevented him from commenting on his file using alternate monikers. There were several occasions throughout the file on which he threatened, or promised, to close it, but most of those statements proved to be meaningless. When he finally ended the user file, which had existed only for his senior year, there were over 1600 posts. Many of those were made by other students, but many of them were also made by pensive. Some of them were almost hilariously long, perhaps upwards of three pages. That user file was actually his second file; he had a different one during his freshman and sophomore years which he had removed from the system.
After he closed his user file, he began posting on XOXO (or maybe his XOXO posting began before he closed his user file; I'm not sure).
There are two things I wish to emphasize: 1) pensive has used this "it was all schtick" excuse many times in the past, when it very clearly was not at all schtick. 2) the concialatory tone in which he ended his posts here is probably nothing more than posturing, though he himself may believe in his own sincerity temporarily.
This is the sad story of pensive and his "schtick".
EDIT: I am posting this because I am tired of pensive doing the same thing over and over again. I hope that exposing the repetitiveness of this cycle does something to weaken it, but I'm probably too late at this point.
Another edit -- here are some thoughts I have on pensive: I have interacted with him once or twice, and many of my friends have had much longer interactions with him. He is by no means a bad or malicious person. But he is very, very, very socially awkward in addition to being overtly self-promoting and unrelenting when he wants to be part of a group no matter how many times he is rebuffed. That combination of traits makes him unpleasant to be around and widely avoided. But in face-to-face situations he is not at all mean or insulting.
I can only speak to how he behaved while at Carleton, though it seems that he has not changed much. His extreme lack of social success, especially in the girlfriend department, apparently frustrates him greatly and makes him more and more bitter. I can understand why it is so difficult for him, and I hope he will realize how deep a hole he has dug for himself. But I doubt it. There were many people who posted in his user file with very kind, helpful comments, and he managed to ignore, dismiss, or mentally twist all of them enough to perpetuate his self-delusions. I have no idea how to get through to him. I honestly think if he had more social success the negative aspects of his personality would be significantly (though not wholly) mitigated.
Date: November 27th, 2005 12:53 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
"He is by no means a bad or malicious person. But he is very, very, very socially awkward in addition to being overtly self-promoting and unrelenting when he wants to be part of a group no matter how many times he is rebuffed. That combination of traits makes him unpleasant to be around and widely avoided. But in face-to-face situations he is not at all mean or insulting."
I don't know anything about the Carleton file, but I think your synposis of him is inaccurate. He alluded to being that way when he was really young (like 18 or 19) but this was because he power-trained for math contests and had no social life in high school. He said he was completely unaware of social norms and extremely aggressive at seeking entry into social circles where he might be inappropriate. All signs of this were gone when I met him, which was age 22, and he seemed to have an understanding of what he had been doing wrong when he was younger.
I've met him and been in public places (bars, restaurants) with him. Most often, he's socially normal, but he gets extremely nervous around approaching women, to the point that he sticks out like a sore thumb. He may behave strangely in isolated episodes; he has a family history of cyclothymia and has suspected himself of having the same disease. He refused to go into treatment (instead seeking insomnia treatment) because he feared a diagnosis would black-ball him from certain career opportunities. According to what I have from him, and I talked to him today, he has reached a point where he cannot ignore the condition anymore and is seeking "significantly more aggressive treatment" in December.
No I'm not fucking pensive, and if you say I am, I will track you down and kill you in front of your parents.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:10 AM Author: titillating home
I think its a good idea for him to try to get treatment for his disorder. He will soon come to realize that the psych profession is a bunch of bullshit, hopefully they put him on some meds and let him be on his merry way.
Date: November 27th, 2005 12:17 AM Author: Cheese-eating Comical Brethren
oh, that. i have always suspected that the mystery of pensive is far more evolved than trite "board shtick" or similar shenanigans. have you considered the quite likely possibility that he was using "departure" not for its literal meaning but rather as a figurative, ominous foreboding of some sort? in that sense, doesn't the idea of pensive become a much more elaborate psychological maze than one might think? personally, i think that fucker's mind defies simple explanation
Date: November 27th, 2005 12:04 AM Author: Charismatic Gas Station Trump Supporter
this is easily more interesting than the usual thread where people pretend to know exactly what admission decisions someone will get. and it's all about the details behind "insecure." for some reason the post that feigns indifference to information that has just been consumed is just as much a staple as those that broadly affirm the sorts of people who post here. but genuine indifference rarely merits pointing it out. it's hard to imagine who might have a strong opinion that the original post ought never have been made.
Date: November 27th, 2005 12:26 AM Author: Charismatic Gas Station Trump Supporter
fair point on that last one. i concede that it's complete bull shit when the claim is made "ifyou really didn't care you would have nothing to say."
in fact, all your points are reasonable and well taken. i just didn't wan to seea source of good information dry up. for some reason, i find this guy interesting, perhaps because you rarely see anyoneso transparent. but it's certainly understandable that you've seen enough
Date: November 27th, 2005 12:34 AM Author: Azure razzmatazz associate step-uncle's house
"i find this guy interesting, perhaps because you rarely see anyoneso transparent."
I suppose "interesting" depends on your disposition, but Pensive's combination of moderate (or better) intelligence and utter unwitting transparency is objectively odd. I just wish we'd leave him alone, and vice versa--likely to be better for all parties.
Date: November 27th, 2005 12:49 AM Author: smoky free-loading stock car
You are absolutely right--if he avoided this attention in the first place, I believe he would be better off. And I'm probably not helping things by posting. But I've sat idly by up until this point and things have become remarkably repetitive. I wanted to make a post for once.
Date: November 27th, 2005 12:09 AM Author: chest-beating big patrolman mad-dog skullcap
How is it that the userfile/message board got so much exposure at your college? We tried doing something similar at our college, and came up with a grand total of maybe ten messages the entire year.
Date: November 27th, 2005 12:28 AM Author: smoky free-loading stock car
I'm not so sure. There are a few user files on the message board that receive frequent posts. But the board is often used for classes as well; profs tell students to post questions about the reading on the board and then compile a list of questions to use for class, etc. So students pretty much have to be familiar with the system. pensive's user file was particularly "popular" (if that's the right word) because of the immense flame wars it sparked. For example, imagine that pensive's mysoginistic posts actually had female readers who knew who he was and saw him in person every day... you get the idea.
Date: November 27th, 2005 12:29 AM Author: smoky free-loading stock car
Yeah, pensive would have no motivation whatsoever to do this. And it's very uncharacteristic of him to call himself on his bullshit. See if you can find one pensive post where he goes out of his way to deprive himself of the "it's all schtick" excuse.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:00 AM Author: smoky free-loading stock car
A fair question.
It's probably not the best moniker, but I chose it because his "schtick" never really dies. Imagine my surprise, after he had closed his user file months and months ago, to find him on this board, a law school discussion board no less. He closed his file sophomore year, then closed it his senior year, then I stumbled upon him again. He never seems to go away, and I can't tear myself away from the drama as long as he keeps posting.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:02 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
Can you send me a copy of the file? Please don't send it to anyone else. I want to see it because I'm his friend and maybe I can understand what happened to him.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:27 AM Author: smoky free-loading stock car
I got so frustrated with seeing this pensive schtick happen over and over again that I finally wanted to post something for once. This will probably be the only time I do something like this. I just had to try it once.
Date: November 27th, 2005 12:58 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
I doubt it. Today, over AIM:
"my appetite for attention is part of what's fucking me. it amplifies the up and down swings. i'm in a world where i can't be myself because of the public eye but it's all my fault because i'm addicted to it. i'm cutting away from this xo identity for good, it was a dishonest schtick and it was stupid."
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:11 AM Author: Charismatic Gas Station Trump Supporter
those who profess to being beleaguered by being in the "public eye" often seek the very sensation of lamenting all the attention. the reliability of that except is highly questionable, too. it's meant to appear as if it's a candid slice of his unmediated thoughts, but it was clearly intended to end up here. he can't altogether avoid moments of truth and accuracy, though. he's quite genuinely invested here, and made the unambiguously bad choice of involving his real identity. consider who the relatively few posters are who have let their actual identity be known and yet still kept appearing.
what appears to be lost on him is that everyone, to one degree or another, has has committed similar acts of pretense. it's a bit like an infant who discovers crude methods of deception and is unaware that they are obvious to everyone else.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:05 AM Author: smoky free-loading stock car
Sorry. I'm not willing to because as far as I know pensive never posted with the intention of having his writing viewed outside of the Carleton community. There may also be legal issues involved with that, and I'd rather stay on the safe side. You may be able to find someone who is willing to do it, though.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:06 AM Author: Peach Really Tough Guy
I'm not going to because I'd hate to think of anyone reading this massive file. You're right, though, it does bear striking resemblance to his behavior on xoxo, and it predates it. He never did learn.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:08 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
pensive:
Smart, personable guy with a fucked-up past who appears to have nearly chronic emotional pain because of it. Based on what he's told me, he had periods of hypomania and depression during high school that became entrenched as a permanent part of his personality after trauma; he was stalked in early college.
I've met him once, long after the drama subsided (September 2005). He seems completely normal in person, and probably is normal in most of his life. However, he lashes out erratically and bizarrely on Internet forums because these are the parts of his personality he takes great pains to hide from people around him.
With his permission and prior password, I have changed the PW of the pensive account so he cannot access it. Hopefully he will seek help without need of public exposure.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:12 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
I don't think the stalking had anything to do with desire. He pissed some people off and a couple of them harassed him for years. Can't edit me away! is an example of this.
He's charismatic, though socially awkward. He even admits to having been outright inept as a teenager. This can be the worst combination, because it attracts trouble like a magnet.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:43 AM Author: outnumbered range
I mean can't edit me away doesn't even know pensive, he just knows people who know him and one girl who pensive went creep on. And he's witnessed pensive hitting on a girl in a coffee shop, i think.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:45 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
This is probably bullshit. I think can't edit me away knows pensive, has a serious grudge, and simply has not been forthcoming about the fact. He probably made up the detachment from the drama to seem more objective. If all pensive did to him was hit on one of his friends, why the fuck would can't edit be stalking him on a message board, years after the fact?
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:11 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
I'm not pensive and I definitely have nothing to do with that can't edit fucker. I'm sure we'll hear from that sick bastard later tonight, obnoxious tone and all.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:53 AM Author: slate gaming laptop lodge
I don't think he ever seriously claimed he was being stalked in real life. He would talk about how he was being falsely accused of stalking all the time. I only personally knew one girl who claimed he stalked her and while she was probably overreacting, Mike did do things like wait for her outside of the dining hall and follow her home from parties when she clearly didn't want him to.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:17 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
He was definitely stalked, given that the Dean of Students considered suspending some students over their intrusive behavior toward him. (I know a bit more about this case than I've let on, but won't say more because I don't have pensive's permission.) They often made up rumors about him doing sketchy, bizarre shit, as in the case of that girl you mentioned. You forgot to mention that she was almost suspended, and what for, but I'll pretend to read you in good faith and presume you didn't know.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:19 AM Author: Nighttime Disrespectful Police Squad
"Date: November 27th, 2005 2:17 AM
Author: Media Kid
He was definitely stalked, given that the Dean of Students considered suspending some students over their intrusive behavior toward him. (I know a bit more about this case than I've let on, but won't say more because I don't have pensive's permission.) They often made up rumors about him doing sketchy, bizarre shit, as in the case of that girl you mentioned. You forgot to mention that she was almost suspended, and what for, but I'll pretend to read you in good faith and presume you didn't know.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:23 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
I happen to know him, and unlike you fuckers with your stupid conjectures I've corresponded with him often and know the true story. I know him better than you do so STFU.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:28 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
Pensive is working on a nonfiction account of what happened to him at Carleton, which he plans to publish anonymously. He has about 100 pages of a book finished. I've done some editing work for him, and so I'm familiar with the story.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:36 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
Which is why he'll probably never publish it.
My family has been helping him with fact-checking and identity protection, but we're pretty sure that he'll never be able to launch it without making the situation worse. The intrigue that surrounds him will probably be dead by the time he is finished with grad school, and he'll have 5 years of references to his credit as a decent, normal human being. If he launches the book and someone outs him, it could seriously fuck him.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:38 AM Author: slate gaming laptop lodge
I don't know if Govoni ever even pretended to be considering suspension for the "stalkers," but he clearly never did, while Mike did sketchy and bizarre shit all the time. Just a couple of examples: the "head injury" story he made up to excuse his social awkwardness, his bizarre internet relationship with some girl that he told everybody about all the time and when he told everyone that he was going to act as "the vulture" during Screw Your Roommate, "swooping in" to pick up any girls abandoned or stood up by their dates. This is to say nothing of the poetry recitals or any time Mike tried to dance at a party (although, to be fair, he wasn't much more awkward than most guys at Carleton and he was at least willing to try).
Also, there was apparently some weird thing where he claimed that the evil cabal that was out to get him was also involved in some kind of kiddie porn traficking ring. I don't know what that was all about.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:44 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
I actually know about some of this, too. The "head injury" was an indirect and probably slightly dishonest reference to the post-traumatic worsening of his mental condition after being stalked for two years. I can see that it would do that to a person.
I haven't heard of "the vulture", but that's actually pretty funny.
Dean didn't suspend the stalkers because they all signed papers saying they wouldn't go near the fucker for the rest of their time at college, and given the greyness as to who-did-what when it came to harrassing them, there wasn't enough material to bring any one person to criminal prosecution.
Let me ask: even if these stories are true, why do you bring them up when they were so long ago?
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:03 AM Author: slate gaming laptop lodge
I'm pretty sure Mike eventually admitted that he flat-out made up the head injury, though I really didn't pay a lot of attention, so I don't know. In an event, the point is that at least a few girls were legitimately creeped out by Mike, even if I don't think he ever really meant any harm and some of them were probably getting a little carried away.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:08 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
Ever consider the possibility that the girls had a grudge and might be completely unreliable? There seems to have been a lot of bullshit that was flung about, and it smells like you're fanning it.
Also, it's known (and confirmed by Dean) that all the girls who made this claim of him were in the bottom quarter of the class, and most in the bottom tenth. At least in his "memoir", pensive's argument, which is convincing, is that they were trying to make up for their own intellectual insecurities by claiming the attentions of a person who was clearly gifted.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:17 AM Author: slate gaming laptop lodge
I was there, so I really don't need to rely on a wildly-biased second-hand account, the way that you presumably would. And one of the girls (the only one I knew personally and the one I was talking about earlier) graduated magna cum laude and is in a Ph.D. program at Berkeley, so I kinda doubt the "intellectual insecurity" theory.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:41 AM Author: slate gaming laptop lodge
The girl was a really short chem major in Mike's year. Aside from all the things I mentioned above, there was also the endless stream of sex/masturbation jokes he would tell in any setting, including to girls who he met at parties.
Date: November 27th, 2005 10:16 AM Author: Charismatic Gas Station Trump Supporter
you're really quite bad at this. it sounds like the kitsch version of batman -- "i'm going to IM bruce wayne right now and find out who this girl is once and for all."
you already seem quite certain of the answer, anyway.
by the way, mike, the standard cover story for "memoirs" like yours is that it's "too hot for the big manhattan publishing houses." not doubt an internet-driven teasing drama from carleton college is something they would get behind if only the public could take Truth given in such a potent dosage.
[now you get angry, assiduously channeling that anger through "media kid's" comically thin knowledge of the publishing industry. here's one piece of advice: do a little more fact checking on how fact checking goes down before you deploy it again as one of the three or so phrases you invoke to sell this "memoir" story. it really is the ultimate fantasy, isn't it mike: that someone would actually pay money for your dime-a-dozen story of social ostracism. this is where the fantasy is most vital to sustaining you in reality, so it is perhaps best that we not upset you and your special friend "media kid" any more.]
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:17 PM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
I finally get the Renada schtick: throw together a bunch of ungrammatical and illogical prose to make a weak attack on someone not present in the argument, and because the writing will be so insufferably painful to parse and read, people will mistake this disorganization and intellectual laziness for intelligence and admire you! That's a fucking brilliant schtick. I wish I had come up with it myself.
Anyway, I doubt that he's going to go through with publishing the book, for various reasons of identity-protection. While the material is publishable (it's not "dime-a-dozen" for someone to be stalked for two years) it would also present severe risk to the author. So the probability of its publication is very low. I was merely bringing the fucking thing up to explain how I am privy to the details of this fiasco about which loser-fucker low-class trash like you can only bandy about imbecilic conjectures.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:13 AM Author: outnumbered range
I'm glad his trusted friend, whom he met once, has his beloved password and his permission to go on the board and give us insights into personal conversations between the two of them.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:19 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
Well, 174, pensive and I all stuck together in this gig. It started as a game (we had several board-pwns planned, including a phony MKid/174 cross-outing) but seemed to have become much more serious in my absence. Prestigious people watch each others' backs.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:32 AM Author: histrionic transparent hissy fit house
i see. but what is the link? you three seem to be very distinctively different posters; and i'm having trouble understanding the relationship. without reciting a preconceived epic, can you very very briefly tell me how the fuck you three met, and who else is in this prestigious clan of yours?
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:37 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
We both met through 174. He told me that when I went to Madison (to visit my cousin) I should meet pensive, and gave me his email address.
Since pensive's last snafu (a massive flamewar with Joe Caltech, GTO, and some slut from Carleton) was on the college board, I told him he should come to the law board to fill out our triumvarete.
Then I left because of my writing job, staying away from XO for a long time. I get an IM from pensive that the board's going insane and that he needs me to take his account away.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:25 AM Author: Charismatic Gas Station Trump Supporter
how was it decided that media kid would be the persona that would not advertise a supreme intelligence? being smart is of course central to the identities of the other two. with media kid, not so much.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:18 AM Author: smoky free-loading stock car
I know many people who have met pensive. None of them has ever made an assessment even remotely like yours. Not even people who thought he was a reasonably good guy to be around (and there were a few of them) called him "completely normal in person."
Aside from your uncanny ability to channel pensive, that also makes me suspcious.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:22 AM Author: smoky free-loading stock car
They knew him for at least two years of his time at Carleton, including his senior year. It's not like everyone disliked him, but every single person I spoke to thought he was socially awkward.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:26 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
Well, I understand that his name was pretty much raped by his sophomore year. That might have clouded peoples' judgments. I can't say because I wasn't there, but I really think that some of these people were being disingenuous, to have a story. That, or you're making shit up.
I heard that during his senior year, when he went to Budapest, he developed much more confidence and became pretty normal.
I'm sorry. You really don't deserve all the crap you've had to endure, but a lot of it stems from your own actions and unwillingness to admit your faults and work on them.
EDIT: There were a lot of kids on campus who made fun of you because you were an easy target. Who was going to stand up to defend you when someone started trash-talking? So many people have had uncomfortable encounters with you and your awkwardness was well known and often immediately visible. Nobody I ever spoke to bought this "reputation was raped" stuff for a minute. Nobody ever maligned you to me (as in, "Hey, you don't know pensive, but stay away from him"). But I soon realized that there was one particular student who was extremely awkward and largely avoided. And you were so self-promoting that people found a moral ground for insulting you, I think. Also, people feel better about themselves when they talk about what a loser someone else is. And you were the biggest target for that. But the "pensive is a loser" stuff came up pretty rarely. Enough that I felt bad for you, but not enough to influence my opinion before I saw you in person.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:42 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
1. He is not here to defend himself. I have the PW to his old account, and any new one that he created would be obvious.
2. I know him through IM and email, and like him more than the rest of you fuckers.
3. From a third-party point of view, what has happened to him (stalking that seems to have continued, in some measure, after his college career ended) is objectively unjust if not sickening.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:38 AM Author: Charismatic Gas Station Trump Supporter
neglecting the thousand other indicators is the shitty logic. and not acting at all like anyone really does when it's erroneously suggested that they are two different personas is shitty performance.
and, in case you require it to be spelled out: it's ot that you recall the exact timing of his trip to a particular foreign city. it's that you instantly and uncritically link it with the same psychological theme and interpretation that only the person who had the experience would.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:38 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
I work in the media you fucknut. "Name-rape" is a common phrase behind the press for what we try to avoid engaging in. We wouldn't use it in public, of course.
And then his comeback is always something along the lines of "[whatever pensive just made up] is actually a very common term among [select group of people]."
He once posed on this board as a psychiatrist claiming that pensive's experience was in line with a hot new trend in psych research, something called "cluster harrassment." A Google search thereof, if I recall correctly, turned up zero hits.
True to pensive form, of course, he stuck with his story.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:07 AM Author: slate gaming laptop lodge
I don't see why, if you were trying to hide these parts of your personality from people around you, you would choose to "lash out" on message boards that weren't anonymous and were populated entirely by other people at the small school you attended.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:21 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
Oh, that's really funny, the subtle suggestion that I'm pensive. Right, cause I'm also 174 and can't edit and GTO and Chauncey and Joe and Renada. Get raped.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:43 AM Author: slate gaming laptop lodge
Oh my God, are you also J.?? Anyway, I think the underlying point stands: you can't really anonymously "lash out" on a board where you post under your real name and most of the people there know you in real life. That's kind of a silly justification for the Caucus postings no matter who is making it.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:56 AM Author: slate gaming laptop lodge
If you want to pretend it was flame, then yes. It wasn't anonymous and most of the people that posted there were people that knew and interacted with Mike in real life. Even people who didn't post there were at least aware of it. Why don't you just ask Mike for his username and password so you can see for yourself? I'm sure he'll give them to you.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:08 AM Author: slate gaming laptop lodge
I never had a problem with Mike. He was kind of weird and annoying freshman and sophomore year, but he wasn't a bad guy and he toned it down a lot by senior year. He was never really a jerk or anything.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:24 AM Author: slate gaming laptop lodge
I think he was a jerk to people he perceived as his enemies, such as the various targets of his profanity-laced missives in the CLAP. But he was never a jerk to me personally or to any of my friends. He wasn't condescending and he would always help people with math or whatever. I don't think he was ever trying to be creepy or to bother people, but he did anyway, and a lot of them either thought it was deliberate or tried to bait him and make fun of him.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:47 AM Author: insecure regret laser beams
It's really too bad that pensive had to leave, but I suppose it's for the best. He seemed to have some psychological problems and this board was probably not healthy for him. We've lost a good poster here.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:18 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
I have. He's either a pensive sympathizer or someone trying to impersonate pensive undercover. He only posts on the pensive matter, but at face value his posts are unobjectionable and reasonable.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:31 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
It's unlikely. Having edited a fucking book he's writing I know his writing style pretty well. Though I suppose it could be pensive masking his prose style.
Date: November 27th, 2005 10:20 AM Author: Charismatic Gas Station Trump Supporter
yes; people sometimes even write books in a "voice" that is quite distinct from how they normally conduct themselves.
(by the way, files of old message board conflicts from carleton college don't constitute a "book." of course i could recommend several agents should you ever wish to step out of fantasy land.)
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:12 PM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
I finally get it. Because pensive and 174 are (at least in appearance) breaking down, you're devolving into an idiot as well. Nice board-pwn. Now say something intelligent or get off the thread.
Date: November 27th, 2005 4:23 PM Author: Charismatic Gas Station Trump Supporter
i imagine there's quite a lot of interest in the book, mike. unfortunate that you've got the eventual non-publication already justified by "the family's" concerns. another way to resolve it is this: call some agents, and pitch to them "mike church's memoir of being teased and 'stalked' to the point of post-traumatice stress disorder." there's always a market for the latest carleton memoir, and there's no telling what this sort of exposure will do for the popularity of ambition.
now, run your overwhelming compulsion to respond through the increasingly agitated "media kid," and pretend anyone would ever listen to you when you tell them to do something.
(you might have to reconsider how effective the anonymous authorship of the "book" is going to be at this point.)
Date: November 27th, 2005 4:33 PM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
Your conspiracy theories are hilarious. You should join the elite alliance. You seem creative, if somewhat deficient. We'd also want to work on those writing skills.
Date: November 27th, 2005 4:45 PM Author: Charismatic Gas Station Trump Supporter
it's a conspiracy of one, mike. look around, and you'll see the usual stampede of people coming to the aid of their close friend mike church.
and in that you're trying to salvage the idea that mike church retains at least some sanity, perhaps invitations to join the "elite alliance" aren't your best angle in responding.
Date: November 27th, 2005 4:55 PM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
I'm going to ignore the bullshit and simply point out that you have no writing skills whatsoever. In addition to being ungrammatical and illogical, your posts are riddled with vomit-inducing pseudointellectualism. Please go back and retake 8th grade English; it'll help you quite a lot.
Date: November 27th, 2005 5:33 PM Author: Charismatic Gas Station Trump Supporter
no one reads what you write, mike; no one cares. you have no friends, and a frail person like you can't survive without a lot of allies. do you ever wonder what sort of extraordinary circumstances would have to converge for a girl to willingly fuck you? your fear that it will never happen is entirely well placed.
and why are you trying to be "cured" of depression? being depressed is one of the few things you've gotten right.
Date: November 27th, 2005 5:37 PM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
I see that you are directing the matter away from your embarrassing lack of writing skill, style, and intellect, and moving it, rather, into matters merely conjectural about another person. This tactic is beyond idiotic; I am offended that you would use it in front of a social superior. Your irreverence does not allay your current paucity of life prospects.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:53 AM Author: Magenta supple stain bawdyhouse Subject: p3ns1v3 l1v3s f0r3v3r
p3ns1v3 l1v3s f0r3v3r
why does Carlton sound so much like fucking high school???
I thought people just grew up in college and left people alone who they didn't like.
is it the smallness of the school? because none of this shit ever happens at my school. people hang out with their friends, and if they don't like them, make new ones in completely different circles.
Date: November 27th, 2005 1:58 AM Author: claret impressive old irish cottage
small college in the middle of frigid fucking minnesota. supposedly among the best for academics and the worst for social life among the top 25 undergrads. reasonably selective but with some stragglers who couldn't get into tops, so you can see the high school mentality coming from them.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:01 AM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
That sounds about right. I don't know if the social life is so much bad there, as that the size makes it impossible to get away from small shit that, in a larger school, would be easily avoidable.
Date: November 27th, 2005 4:46 AM Author: vigorous site
The pensive thing is idiotic: smart poster, terrible schtick, worthless people taunting him with an unremarkable past. (Yes, I went to Carleton, yes, I'm familiar with that garbage drama. No one intelligent at Carleton took it seriously; we all thought he was a chill guy.)
It sounds like pensive's going to get the help he needs, which he obviously isn't going to find on this board.
Date: November 27th, 2005 2:45 PM Author: Spruce metal deer antler
media kid -
i'm willing to take your claims at face value that you're not pensive. however, you're clearly being fed a line by him - and one that has some, but only a little, relation to reality.
regarding the head injury - this was an out and out lie, that he perpetuated for more than two years, even well after nobody believed it. it would arise in contexts such as when someone would post in his user file about something he had done to them (followed home after a party, told an off-color joke to strangers, otherwise creeped someone out - anyone who was at carleton and read the user files can verify that there were several dozen of these first-hand accounts over a two year or so period). he would use it as a defense, claiming that this head injury, sustained while defending someone else's honor, had left him unable to determine when he was acting inappopriately (yet he refused to seek help for it, claiming it (the help, not the injury) would somehow prevent him from obtaining future employment). it had no relation to the stalking charges he makes, and in fact predated it, since he used the head injury defense from the middle of his frosh year on. however, it was transparently false, and he was constantly called on it. after a few years, he finally admitted it was entirely made up.
about the stalking - carleton has a vicious rumor mill, as do most small schools, i'm sure. i have no doubt that people said bad things about him, but in no way was he denigrated more than hundreds of other people. i personally was also a victim of the rumor mill during my time at carleton. i had one guy who hated me so much that he literally shuddered when i'd walk into the same room as him. he would befriend anyone who was close to me, and feed them a stream of lies until they stopped talking to me. did it make me mad? of course. but did i start using as an excuse for anti-social behavior? of course not. i admit that i did a lot of things there that could be interpreted as sketchy (mostly a result of being stoned 90% of the time i was there), but once i straightened out, and exposed the liars for what they were, i was able to have a semi-normal social life (i'm introverted by nature and don't maintain a lot of relations by choice). also, i know of a woman who had the rumor spread that she had aids, which was entirely untrue. again, she survived without managing to piss off a good percentage of the people she encountered, or resorting to pathological lies to excuse her behavior...
in other words, all of his problems are brought about by his behavior.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:16 PM Author: Spruce metal deer antler
don't be sorry, it made me a better person today. because, you see, unlike pensive, i learned from my mistakes instead of dwelling on them.
as for small schools, i don't know. i can't imagine it was any worse than the frat-house atmosphere at larger schools. i mean, if you're into theater or video/role playing games, carleton is like heaven. i just think that people who spend all day playing games are losers.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:22 PM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
Social life was pretty miserable at my large school, too. I think the problem is the people; a lot of these elite school kids aren't actually very smart, studied to the exclusion of all else, and have defective personalities and various status-related complexes. So college becomes a mixing pot of their bullshit. What I'd be scared about at a small school is not being able to get away from it. Where I went, I'd just find a new group.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:00 PM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
"regarding the head injury - this was an out and out lie"
My understanding is that it was a metaphor for the post-traumatic complications of being stalked for two years. Most people who have post-traumatic issues are either dishonest or completely unforthcoming about the matter, for the good reason that people won't understand the problem anyway. Add to this the fact that most PTs have no idea, for a long time, that they are PT and will tend to misattribute the problem. He did have a minor head injury (less severe than an average soccer concussion) at about the same time-- the story checks-- but so minor that it would not have caused any psychological damage, much less the PT symptoms.
"followed home after a party, told an off-color joke to strangers, otherwise creeped someone out - anyone who was at carleton and read the user files can verify that there were several dozen of these first-hand accounts over a two year or so period"
Yeah, I know people made a lot of shit up about him. What I can't understand-- and this is part of why the family has reservations about him writing the book-- is why he maintained such a public exposure while people were continually stalking/harassing him. That seems bizarre to me, because if I were in his situation (and it could have happened to absolutely anyone, which is what makes it so fascinating) I would remove all public exposure and deal with the problem as privately and silently as possible.
"he would befriend anyone who was close to me, and feed them a stream of lies until they stopped talking to me. did it make me mad?"
You should've nailed the loser-fucker. Did you have any rich/powerful friends? By which, I mean powerful enough that they could have a malignant, life-impeding character set down without any consequences? It seems like pensive would have had a better life if he had pursued that with regard to at least the more vicious detractors. I don't advocate this as a way of dealing with any but the worst of enemies but sometimes it really does call. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. I like schools like Carleton a lot (I went to an impersonal "prestigious" place and wish I had gotten a real education) but it seems like they have some pretty severe social problems.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:11 PM Author: Spruce metal deer antler
>My understanding is that it was a metaphor for the post-traumatic complications of being stalked for two years.
you have the timeline wrong - that was the point of my post. he was using the head injury as an excuse basically from the day he entered carleton.
>Yeah, I know people made a lot of shit up about him.
no, this wasn't made up shit. it was corroborated, first hand accounts of things he did.
>You should've nailed the loser-fucker. Did you have any rich/powerful friends?
no, he was far more rich and powerful than i am. but i got the last laugh. at his graduation (he was a year ahead of me), i went and spent like ten minutes talking to his family, complimenting them on their son's acheivements. he was standing right there, and had a look on his face like he was about to vomit. i really wish i had a camerca with me that day...
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:18 PM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
"you have the timeline wrong - that was the point of my post. he was using the head injury as an excuse basically from the day he entered carleton."
I would have to read the file, if that's what you're referring to. Anyway, since the stalking of him started in, what, like his first month (?) it wouldn't be unreasonable that he'd start having PT issues in winter (3 month mark). He wouldn't develop these problems after the stalking concluded, but shortly after it started and while it was still going on.
"this wasn't made up shit. it was corroborated, first hand accounts of things he did."
Knowing him, I really doubt your claim. A lie from anyone can be "corroborated" and "first-hand". I'm sure that he was awkward at 18, because most people are, but the shit that was put out about him is unreasonable and no one in their right mind would believe it.
"no, he was far more rich and powerful than i am."
This is irrelevant, if you have one rich friend willing to do some dirty work, you're good. :)
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:30 PM Author: Spruce metal deer antler
> Knowing him, I really doubt your claim. A lie from anyone can be "corroborated" and "first-hand". I'm sure that he was awkward at 18, because most people are, but the shit that was put out about him is unreasonable and no one in their right mind would believe it.
whatever. again, he didn't deny that a lot of it happened - he just used the head injury as an excuse for his actions. and didn't you say that you've met him . . . once?
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:36 PM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
Yeah but it was for three days. I've also talked to him on IM and over email re: the book. So I actually know him, I would assume, better than most people. Did you know him personally?
I think he didn't "deny" that a lot of it happened because these fuckers were crazy and going to come after him with weapons if he told anyone what they were doing. I'm sure he did some college goofball shit, but the hyperbolic stuff is just outlandish.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:40 PM Author: garnet station nowag
What's more "outlandish" -- the notion that a dozen "fuckers were crazy and going to come after him with weapons if he told anyone what they were doing" or the idea that Mike Church did some extremely creepy stuff because he was a socially retarded math nerd?
I'm going to go with the latter, if that's OK with you, pensive.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:44 PM Author: buff magical jewess love of her life
1. I'm not pensive, you white trash piece of shit, and I've proven the fact in the past just as it has been proven that 174 is not pensive.
2. Your transparent attempts to impersonate 174 are ridiculous. You can be tracked and your combined insult on pensive, myself, and 174-- three people from good backgrounds-- leads to a high probability of you being set down if you do not behave. Market value for a nail is only about $20k.
3. You know nothing about anything and should shut the fuck up before you make matters worse for yourself.
Date: November 27th, 2005 3:53 PM Author: garnet station nowag
I'm not trying to impersonate 174, you idiot. It's obviously a joke moniker.
Even if you aren't pensive, what possible motivation could you have for defending him to this degree? You haven't posted here for months, supposedly. Pensive is now "gone," by YOUR OWN REPEATED STATEMENTS. He's gone, right? He doesn't need to be "defended" for hours on end. If you'd let it drop, pensive would be forgotten within a few days. But you can't let it drop, can you, Media Kid. You just can't. You and the other random pro-pensive posters in this thread are laughable. "Potential," "Null0" -- a "carleton student" and first-time poster who shows up with praise for pensive at 4:30 in the morning, you... it's so transparent as to be FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
Just get off the board, for your own mental health. Whether you're Mike Church or "Media Kid," drop it and leave and you'll be better off.
Date: November 28th, 2005 6:37 AM Author: effete senate
gee, if I had gone to Carlton I'd be in prison by now.
i'm lucky as it stands to not have been seriously injured or have seriously injured someone in the fights i've had; if it ever got to that level one of us would probably be going to the hospital and the other to jail
Date: November 28th, 2005 8:26 AM Author: Purple goyim piazza
this is a lot of fuss over a mundane poster who had a lot of unremarkable things happen to him a long time ago. Nerd was picked on; nerd posts online; nerd gets picked on online; nerd needs help; nerd leaves; yawn.
Date: November 28th, 2005 11:27 AM Author: pungent domesticated juggernaut
Agreed. As much as can be said to pensive's credit, he was not at all humble and tried to stick out at Carleton and be well-known. While his story is essentially true (his enemies were and are underachievers motivated by envy) he is so openly arrogant toward them that it is essentially his fault that they have continued to harass them. He needs to take words like "loser-fucker" out of his vocabulary and stop telling his detractors how much smarter he is, because it ends up getting on everyone's nerves. Other than reacting explosively and haughtily to adversity, he's pretty normal.
That's all I'm going to say in this thread about pensive.
Date: November 28th, 2005 7:35 PM Author: Ruby curious factory reset button international law enforcement agency
Good fucking god.
I'm glad Carleton waitlisted me and I wound up at Macalester instead - even though I hated Macalester, it sounds like the lesser of two evils.
I really think all the people who psychoanalyze pensive so thoroughly are pensive himself, whether the analysis is ultimately positive or negative. I mean, seriously, what normal person spends so much time thinking about a fucking worthless message board poster?
Date: July 11th, 2008 11:57 AM Author: Jade center
I think about 15 or so. This really is the most insane thing I've ever seen on xoxo. I just can't imagine what would motivate someone to continue registering new screen names, over and over, to talk about being stalked/pissing people off/having head injuries.