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| ebony pisswyrm | 11/22/04 |
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| Appetizing self-centered halford codepig | 11/22/04 |
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| cerebral rebellious casino dog poop | 03/01/05 |
| cracking locus cuck | 03/01/05 |
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| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
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| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
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| sienna sadistic | 03/21/05 |
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| at-the-ready stimulating toaster theater stage | 04/02/05 |
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| at-the-ready stimulating toaster theater stage | 04/05/05 |
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| cracking locus cuck | 04/23/05 |
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| cracking locus cuck | 04/23/05 |
| Cobalt liquid oxygen | 04/23/05 |
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| ultramarine maniacal rigor | 05/12/05 |
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| razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building | 05/23/05 |
| Striped hyena | 05/23/05 |
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| Slap-happy church | 05/27/05 |
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| Striped hyena | 06/02/05 |
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| arrogant walnut puppy doctorate | 06/02/05 |
| Claret cowardly telephone | 06/02/05 |
| Slap-happy church | 06/03/05 |
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| Hairless partner | 06/03/05 |
| Slap-happy church | 06/04/05 |
| Claret cowardly telephone | 06/09/05 |
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| Claret cowardly telephone | 06/09/05 |
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| Claret cowardly telephone | 06/09/05 |
| bat-shit-crazy primrose trust fund | 06/16/05 |
| transparent cuckold stock car | 06/16/05 |
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| Flushed | 06/17/05 |
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| Hairless partner | 06/17/05 |
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| Striped hyena | 06/17/05 |
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| excitant forum twinkling uncleanness | 07/02/05 |
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| excitant forum twinkling uncleanness | 07/02/05 |
| confused nubile pistol | 07/02/05 |
| excitant forum twinkling uncleanness | 07/02/05 |
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| tan persian | 07/16/05 |
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| domesticated | 07/27/05 |
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| 07/28/05 |
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| Dead overrated | 08/06/05 |
| Striped hyena | 08/12/05 |
| Water buffalo | 08/12/05 |
| Appetizing self-centered halford codepig | 08/12/05 |
| Striped hyena | 08/17/05 |
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| Striped hyena | 08/20/05 |
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| Appetizing self-centered halford codepig | 09/14/05 |
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| Rose frum | 09/04/05 |
| White Macaca | 09/04/05 |
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| excitant forum twinkling uncleanness | 09/09/05 |
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| cocky | 05/05/07 |
| Lilac | 09/10/05 |
| puce philosopher-king stage | 09/12/05 |
| giraffe | 09/12/05 |
| Striped hyena | 09/10/05 |
| topaz | 09/12/05 |
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| Appetizing self-centered halford codepig | 09/14/05 |
| cordovan pontificating | 09/14/05 |
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| Striped hyena | 09/17/05 |
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| Striped hyena | 09/19/05 |
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| Striped hyena | 10/04/05 |
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| topaz | 10/09/05 |
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| Turquoise Narrow-minded Brunch | 10/10/05 |
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| Striped hyena | 10/11/05 |
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| Striped hyena | 10/11/05 |
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| excitant forum twinkling uncleanness | 10/14/05 |
| mad cow disease | 10/14/05 |
| excitant forum twinkling uncleanness | 10/14/05 |
| Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive | 10/14/05 |
| Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive | 10/14/05 |
| Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive | 10/14/05 |
| Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive | 10/14/05 |
| Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive | 10/14/05 |
| Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive | 10/14/05 |
| Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive | 10/14/05 |
| Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive | 10/14/05 |
| Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive | 10/14/05 |
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| Aquamarine | 10/15/05 |
| White Macaca | 10/21/05 |
| giraffe | 10/21/05 |
| Appetizing self-centered halford codepig | 10/24/05 |
| Striped hyena | 10/24/05 |
| Appetizing self-centered halford codepig | 10/24/05 |
| magical community account shrine | 10/24/05 |
| Striped hyena | 11/04/05 |
| lemon | 11/04/05 |
| INSANE 80S MUSIC LYRIC GUY | 11/04/05 |
| dark | 11/05/05 |
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| Ruddy | 11/05/05 |
| doobsian copper | 11/05/05 |
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| very tactful | 11/05/05 |
| emerald | 11/05/05 |
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| Coral | 11/05/05 |
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| feces | 11/05/05 |
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| doobsian copper | 11/09/05 |
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| Striped hyena | 11/11/05 |
| Striped hyena | 11/11/05 |
| Striped hyena | 11/11/05 |
| Striped hyena | 11/11/05 |
| Striped hyena | 11/11/05 |
| Striped hyena | 11/11/05 |
| Striped hyena | 11/11/05 |
| Striped hyena | 11/11/05 |
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| doobsian copper | 11/11/05 |
| Striped hyena | 11/11/05 |
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| doobsian copper | 11/11/05 |
| Striped hyena | 11/11/05 |
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| very tactful | 11/15/05 |
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| Flushed | 11/19/05 |
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: April 20th, 2004 3:59 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig ready, set, go. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#243936) |
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Date: September 26th, 2004 4:09 AM Author: green main people area THIS THREAD IS CLOSED. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1393021) |
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Date: October 2nd, 2004 4:34 PM Author: Angry associate reopened. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1425778) |
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Date: June 3rd, 2005 1:21 AM Author: Laughsome clear stag film and reopened again. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2919532) |
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Date: July 28th, 2005 12:20 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale And again... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#3429833) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 5:56 PM Author: frisky goal in life You are so cute and sexy. HTH. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4023126) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:23 PM Author: wonderful pale queen of the night therapy Meg Ryan is the perfect woman (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4025019) |
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Date: February 19th, 2006 10:08 AM Author: Coiffed immigrant Feh. I like titties and ass on mine. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5129787) |
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Date: August 13th, 2007 3:40 AM Author: exciting judgmental lettuce ape Reply (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8508829) |
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Date: January 25th, 2006 5:32 PM Author: Geriatric Circlehead Up? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4906643) |
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Date: February 17th, 2006 8:49 AM Author: irradiated mood I've always wanted to be at the top of this important thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5111033) |
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Date: June 11th, 2006 10:23 PM Author: Beady-eyed abusive market (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5962276) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:23 PM Author: wonderful pale queen of the night therapy Meg Ryan is the perfect woman (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4025023) |
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Date: March 8th, 2007 10:42 AM Author: irradiated mood Flapjack titties though? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7725097) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:36 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale No, I win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514341) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:44 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290162) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:52 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290197) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:22 PM Author: wonderful pale queen of the night therapy Meg Ryan is the perfect woman (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4025016) |
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Date: November 21st, 2005 9:34 AM Author: Demanding indian lodge THE WINNER!!!!! for the next ten seconds (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4346766) |
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Date: December 11th, 2005 11:05 AM Author: Splenetic Stirring Piazza Hominid hi (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4526847) |
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:06 PM Author: multi-colored center place of business How will you announce the winner without becoming the winner yourself ?
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:07 PM Author: contagious deranged jewess resort A few years ago, while browsing around the library downtown, I had to take a piss. As I entered the john a big beautiful all-american football hero type, about twenty-five, came out of one of the booths. I stood at the urinal looking at him out of the corner of my eye as he washed his hands. He didn't once look at me. He was "straight" and married -- and in any case I was sure I wouldn't have a chance with him.
As soon as he left I darted into the booth he'd vacated, hoping there might be a lingering smell of shit and even a seat still warm from his sturdy young ass. I found not only the smell but the shit itself. He'd forgotten to flush. And what a treasure he had left behind. Three or four beautiful specimens floated in the bowl. It apparently had been a fairly dry, constipated shit, for all were fat, stiff, and ruggedly textured.
The real prize was a great feast of turd -- a nine inch gastrointestinal triumph as thick as a man's wrist. I knelt before the bowl, inhaling the rich brown fragrance and wondered if I should obey the impulse building up inside me. I'd always been a heavy rimmer and had lapped up more than one little clump of shit, but that had been just an inevitable part of eating ass and not an end in itself. Of course I'd had jerk-off fantasies of devouring great loads of it (what rimmer hasn't), but I had never done it. Now, here I was, confronted with the most beautiful five-pound turd I'd ever feasted my eyes on, a sausage fit to star in any fantasy and one I knew to have been hatched from the asshole of the world's handsomest young stud. Why not? I plucked it from the bowl, holding it with both hands to keep it from breaking. I lifted it to my nose. It smelled like rich, ripe limburger (horrid, but thrilling), yet had the consistency of cheddar. What is cheese anyway but milk turning to shit without the benefit of a digestive tract? I gave it a lick and found that it tasted better then it smelled. I've found since then that shit nearly almost does.
I hesitated no longer. I shoved the fucking thing as far into my mouth as I could get it and sucked on it like a big brown cock, beating my meat like a madman. I wanted to completely engulf it and bit off a large chunk, flooding my mouth with the intense, bittersweet flavor. To my delight I found that while the water in the bowl had chilled the outside of the turd, it was still warm inside. As I chewed I discovered that it was filled with hard little bits of something I soon identified as peanuts. He hadn't chewed them carefully and they'd passed through his body virtually unchanged. I ate it greedily, sending lump after peanutty lump sliding scratchily down my throat. My only regret was the donor of this feast wasn't there to wash it down with his piss.
I soon reached a terrific climax. I caught my cum in the cupped palm of my hand and drank it down. Believe me, there is no more delightful combination of flavors than the hot sweetness of cum with the rich bitterness of shit.
Afterwards I was sorry that I hadn't made it last longer. But then I realized that I still had a lot of fun in store for me. There was still a clutch of virile turds left in the bowl. I tenderly fished them out, rolled them into my hankerchief, and stashed them in my briefcase. In the week to come I found all kinds of ways to eat the shit without bolting it right down. Once eaten it's gone forever unless you want to filch it third hand out of your own asshole. Not an unreasonable recourse in moments of desperation or simple boredom. I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing, letting it slowly dissolve. I had liquid shit trickling down my throat for nearly four hours. I must have had six orgasms in the process.
I often think of that lovely young guy dropping solid gold out of his sweet, pink asshole every day, never knowing what joy it could, and at least once did, bring to a grateful shiteater.
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:27 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig i win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#251999) |
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:28 PM Author: puce philosopher-king stage No, you lose. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#252025) |
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:28 PM Author: carmine pit I win!
edit: Damn! |
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:29 PM Author: Startled sable whorehouse foreskin i have defeated you. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#252036) |
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:31 PM Author: High-end Faggotry Digit Ratio *yawn* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#252049) |
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Date: April 21st, 2004 1:14 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I'm the champ!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#252462) |
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Date: April 21st, 2004 1:15 PM Author: aromatic mauve rehab headpube . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#252481) |
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Date: April 28th, 2004 1:02 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Take that!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#317854) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:21 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I'm still winning. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385182) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:21 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness Subject: L oser (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385192) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:24 PM Author: heady masturbator spot If I win this, it will compete with my National Hispanic Recognition Scholarship from the College Board as the least prestigious thing I have ever won. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385233) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:25 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish You won't win this. Give up now. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385250) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:30 PM Author: heady masturbator spot If you really want it that badly, you can have it. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385299) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:31 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Thanks. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385307) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:31 PM Author: heady masturbator spot Anytime. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385313) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:33 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness LOSERS
take that |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:34 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Take what? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385337) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:34 PM Author: green main people area WINNA WINNA WINNA (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385338) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:34 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Stick to morning radio. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385347) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:36 PM Author: Henna site really tough guy Not anymore (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385362) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:35 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness bastards (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385357) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:36 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish All of us? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385363) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:43 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness fuck yeah!
this still counts, you only have to respond last, not at the bottom. |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:36 PM Author: Henna site really tough guy I'm the winner! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385369) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:36 PM Author: Twisted Drunken Corner "Wudda I win?" (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385374) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:37 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Nothing. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385391) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:46 PM Author: Twisted Drunken Corner The correct answer would have been:
"Uh, anything in this general area right in here. Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses. Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble. Anything in this three inches right in here in this area. That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers." |
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Date: May 4th, 2006 9:12 PM Author: Splenetic Stirring Piazza Hominid OMG SECRET NAZI POST!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5715550) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:37 PM Author: Henna site really tough guy Nothing, cause you're not the winner (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385386) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:37 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Neither are you. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385394) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:43 PM Author: Henna site really tough guy damn you! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385474) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:37 PM Author: green main people area Hello hello (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385398) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:38 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Goodbye Booey Maguire. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385405) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:38 PM Author: green main people area you complete me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385415) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:38 PM Author: alcoholic crackhouse Next Person to respond has sex with his/her mom and dad (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385414) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:38 PM Author: green main people area Aye Papi (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385418) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:39 PM Author: alcoholic crackhouse Ouch, I don't want to win this war anymore... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385430) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:39 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Yeah, except that it's opposite day, dumbass. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385424) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:41 PM Author: alcoholic crackhouse I guess your saying I'm the opposite of a dumbass then. And if you say it's opposite day on opposite day then it must not be. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385452) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:42 PM Author: green main people area so you think it is opposite day? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385458) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:43 PM Author: alcoholic crackhouse Are you aksing me if I think it's NOT opposite day? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385471) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:45 PM Author: green main people area god we aren't pathetic (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385505) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:42 PM Author: carmine pit Tomorrow is opposite day. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385467) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:44 PM Author: Henna site really tough guy If it's opposite day thent he last person to post loses. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385493) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:43 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Uh, I think that violates some part of the time-space continuum. I'm not sure. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385477) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:43 PM Author: cruel-hearted blood rage milk I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385475) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:43 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Hey, congratulations. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385482) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:43 PM Author: cruel-hearted blood rage milk Thanks. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385489) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:43 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness we tied
But now I win. |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:44 PM Author: cruel-hearted blood rage milk Stop it. I already won. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385499) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:44 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish or do you? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385502) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:44 PM Author: alcoholic crackhouse weak (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385492) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:45 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish What's weak? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385507) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:45 PM Author: Slap-happy church You are. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385516) |
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Date: May 6th, 2006 9:41 AM Author: Chest-beating glittery set Your mom is. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5726442) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:46 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOm VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOM
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:46 PM Author: cruel-hearted blood rage milk Hey, ouch! Jerk! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385524) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:46 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I think you misspelled a couple of words there. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385526) |
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Date: November 8th, 2004 1:46 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building sneaky (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1618713) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:47 PM Author: green main people area I win. If you respond anymore I will take a dump on you EYES (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385536) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:48 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Yawn. Been there. Done that. Bitch. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385546) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:48 PM Author: green main people area my dump has hepititis. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385553) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:48 PM Author: Up-to-no-good Brethren Is that supposed to STOP me? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385551) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:48 PM Author: cruel-hearted blood rage milk There's nothing you can do to me that Castro has not already done, mayn. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385555) |
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Date: September 5th, 2005 10:52 PM Author: Trip Nursing Home say hello to my little friend (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#3755062) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:49 PM Author: heady masturbator spot If this is going to continue, the thread should at least be devoted to a fruitful discussion of whether or not this is a new low. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385561) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:49 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Subject: I'm quitting my job in a few weeks.... and I'll have all the time in the world to devote to this. Give up. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385562) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:50 PM Author: green main people area you will have to get around me though. I am the king of all last posters. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385571) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:51 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I'm the Don Imus of all last posters. I'll start a cancer ranch and outlast you. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385581) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:51 PM Author: green main people area haha that was hilarious. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385585) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:52 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I see through your thinly veiled cordiality (if that's even a word). (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385598) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:52 PM Author: green main people area (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385602) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:53 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385615) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:53 PM Author: green main people area (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385621) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:53 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290200) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:53 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: im just being a prick (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290203) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:53 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290204) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:54 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: yup (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290209) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:54 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: no doubt about it (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290210) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:55 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: who would start such a stupid thread anyway? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290211) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:55 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: nevermind. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290212) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:58 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: That was post 300 wasnt it? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290221) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:59 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: this thread is gonna be a bitch to navigate (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290226) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:59 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: Know who i dont like? lawyerbird (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290229) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:00 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: and arrow (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290231) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:00 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: and affirmative counteraction (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290237) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:02 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: bust most of all bush (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290241) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:04 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: god im tired (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290252) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:04 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: i need to sleep (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290256) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:05 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: ahh screw it (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290260) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:05 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: i need no sleep (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290263) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:06 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: oh shit im talking to myself (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290267) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:08 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: am i crazy? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290283) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 4:16 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: guess i am (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290955) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 4:23 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: nope, i do (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290966) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 4:25 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address at the bottom bitch, oh well YHL (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290967) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 4:27 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: I'm doing this to see how wide the thread'll go. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290969) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 4:27 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: see? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290971) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 4:32 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290977) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 4:38 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290984) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 3:08 PM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291956) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 3:16 PM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: i win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291985) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 5:09 PM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: ....... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1292608) |
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Date: September 6th, 2004 11:47 PM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: bump (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1300110) |
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Date: September 7th, 2004 1:24 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: again (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1300764) |
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Date: July 16th, 2006 5:03 PM Author: vibrant generalized bond parlour (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6226456) |
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Date: November 22nd, 2004 7:50 AM Author: Hideous poppy bawdyhouse legal warrant Will anybody find this? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1688170) |
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Date: November 22nd, 2004 7:51 AM Author: ebony pisswyrm I certainly did. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1688171) |
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Date: November 22nd, 2004 7:51 AM Author: Hideous poppy bawdyhouse legal warrant bastard. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1688172) |
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Date: May 23rd, 2005 8:28 PM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building fuck you, sucka (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2844426) |
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Date: February 8th, 2006 2:39 AM Author: Impertinent Dilemma . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5026885) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:54 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I am the champion, my friends. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385634) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:54 PM Author: green main people area *hits samhorn in the head with a baseball bat* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385641) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:54 PM Author: hairraiser light national security agency ha (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385637) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:57 PM Author: green main people area this thread is now closed. No one may post.
P.S. I won |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 5:58 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish You all have your fun. I'll be back in 30 days to claim my crown. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385690) |
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Date: May 5th, 2004 6:11 PM Author: carmine pit You win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#385834) |
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Date: May 7th, 2004 9:00 AM Author: Mewling snowy police squad w (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#403848) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 6:56 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish The end. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514073) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:01 PM Author: Insecure sneaky criminal splurt. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514098) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:08 PM Author: Lavender talented den Very clever way to run up the response tally.
A+ |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:09 PM Author: Titillating bbw hospital Me. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514149) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:15 PM Author: Insecure sneaky criminal squirt (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514191) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:16 PM Author: Lavender talented den (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514196) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514248) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514249) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514250) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514251) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514252) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514253) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514254) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514255) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514256) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514257) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514258) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:24 PM Author: Titillating bbw hospital No, you lose. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514259) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:26 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I win! win! WIN! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514270) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:25 PM Author: Lavender talented den (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514264) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:29 PM Author: Lavender talented den (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514290) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:30 PM Author: floppy hall hehe (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514299) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:31 PM Author: Lavender talented den (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514303) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:31 PM Author: maize bespoke principal's office Mark my words. I will win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514306) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:36 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Highly doubtful (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514347) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 12:23 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building mrjizz wins (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005083) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:49 PM Author: Dashing preventive strike I won! I won! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514433) |
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Date: May 18th, 2004 8:03 PM Author: infuriating library i just won. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#514498) |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 11:34 AM Author: hairraiser light national security agency i win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#528100) |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 11:34 AM Author: sapphire temple tattoo I'm not going to win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#528107) |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 11:57 AM Author: federal hell factory reset button I WIN I WIN I WIN YEAAAAAAAHHH!!! ... ... ... <sigh> |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 11:58 AM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I will finally win something. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#528382) |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 12:01 PM Author: puce philosopher-king stage Did I win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#528407) |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 12:01 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Yep. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#528418) |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 12:02 PM Author: puce philosopher-king stage Sweet! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#528421) |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 12:02 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish You're on a roll. Keep entering contests. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#528432) |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 12:03 PM Author: puce philosopher-king stage I will! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#528439) |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 12:03 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Which ones? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#528446) |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 12:05 PM Author: puce philosopher-king stage All of them!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#528470) |
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Date: May 20th, 2004 12:11 PM Author: histrionic indirect expression ticket booth I will make my donation to the never-ending thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#528550) |
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Date: May 21st, 2004 9:32 PM Author: federal hell factory reset button *tiptoes sneakily across the finish line* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#542215) |
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Date: May 21st, 2004 9:32 PM Author: Olive supple range mediation not yet, glacialspeed (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#542216) |
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Date: May 21st, 2004 9:44 PM Author: federal hell factory reset button And I'd have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you pesky kids. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#542255) |
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Date: May 21st, 2004 9:44 PM Author: obsidian cumskin Subject: POST # 130 These pretzels are making me thirsty. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#542257) |
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Date: May 21st, 2004 10:01 PM Author: federal hell factory reset button Well played, Kramer. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#542353) |
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Date: May 21st, 2004 11:21 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness Subject: I win I win I win I was looking for this (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#542763) |
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Date: June 1st, 2004 11:41 AM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Ha. Ha. Ha. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#600802) |
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Date: June 1st, 2004 11:45 AM Author: High-end Faggotry Digit Ratio I don't need this thread to confirm what a loser I am. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#600819) |
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Date: June 1st, 2004 11:45 AM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish You're right. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#600822) |
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Date: June 1st, 2004 11:45 AM Author: internet-worthy maroon state scourge upon the earth bitches. i win of course (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#600820) |
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Date: June 1st, 2004 12:16 PM Author: fragrant lay Losers
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Date: June 1st, 2004 12:18 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig what assshole started this thread? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#601013) |
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Date: June 1st, 2004 12:43 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Seriously. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#601168) |
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Date: June 1st, 2004 12:52 PM Author: Thriller Insanely Creepy Menage Trump Supporter :) (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#601233) |
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Date: June 2nd, 2004 9:59 AM Author: puce philosopher-king stage I win! Again! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#609144) |
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Date: June 2nd, 2004 10:04 AM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Nice work. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#609169) |
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Date: June 8th, 2004 4:09 PM Author: Angry associate I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#660956) |
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Date: June 8th, 2004 4:11 PM Author: yellow personal credit line False. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#660973) |
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Date: June 8th, 2004 4:15 PM Author: comical flesh abode This is dumb.
But I win. |
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Date: June 14th, 2004 2:13 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I'm doing it all for the nookie. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#710326) |
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Date: June 16th, 2004 1:21 AM Author: puce philosopher-king stage *sneaking across the finish line in the middle of the night* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#727643) |
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Date: June 16th, 2004 1:22 AM Author: Hideous poppy bawdyhouse legal warrant that wasn't the finish line, that was my sister.
crap. |
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Date: June 16th, 2004 1:35 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing I predict this will remain for a very long time the longest thread in XO history... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#727704) |
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Date: June 16th, 2004 1:36 AM Author: bat shit crazy mother stage What kind of sap would fall for such a lame...
hey I win!!! |
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Date: January 18th, 2005 1:48 PM Author: territorial alpha (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1955414) |
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Date: June 16th, 2004 1:59 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig biotches, all of you (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#727809) |
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Date: June 16th, 2004 5:02 PM Author: hairraiser light national security agency win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#733542) |
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Date: June 16th, 2004 5:05 PM Author: Seedy ratface idea he suggested this is pretty sad
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Date: June 17th, 2004 12:35 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig reclaiming the lead (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#737582) |
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Date: June 17th, 2004 12:41 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness Subject: I'm not sure I even have an attention span... every time I post on this thread I tell myself to remember to find it later and post on it when no one's around and every single time, I forget. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#737629) |
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Date: June 17th, 2004 11:22 PM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#747662) |
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Date: June 17th, 2004 11:24 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness Next person who psost on this thread DIES FUCKERS!!!!!!
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM VRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Date: June 17th, 2004 11:28 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig beep beep (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#747696) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:45 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness BANG BANG
SMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH |
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Date: June 18th, 2004 11:26 AM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I'm here to claim my victory prize before I leave. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#750983) |
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Date: June 18th, 2004 11:26 AM Author: Avocado native idiot Yoink! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#750988) |
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Date: June 18th, 2004 11:29 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig *slaps slapjohnson upside the head, 3 stooges style*
whoooooooopwwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoop |
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Date: June 18th, 2004 11:36 AM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Ha. Ha. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#751097) |
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Date: June 18th, 2004 11:48 AM Author: bipolar filthy jap I WIN! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#751222) |
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Date: June 18th, 2004 12:47 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Win what? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#751912) |
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Date: June 18th, 2004 12:53 PM Author: big office athletic conference cockmaster. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#752015) |
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Date: June 18th, 2004 12:54 PM Author: bipolar filthy jap I WIN AGAIN (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#752046) |
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Date: June 24th, 2004 8:57 AM Author: bipolar filthy jap I'd just like to remind everyone that I won. Last post! (for a whole week) (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#796764) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:47 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllloser! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806310) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 6:03 AM Author: spectacular internal respiration becky WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWINNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806326) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 12:34 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness tip toes in quietly (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1564913) |
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Date: June 25th, 2006 10:55 AM Author: drab swashbuckling quadroon tanning salon i win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6066545) |
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Date: June 25th, 2006 10:56 AM Author: Naked Station Newt no (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6066547) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:48 AM Author: honey-headed electric furnace parlor a winner is me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806312) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:51 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness dammit, it's 5 am, go away! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806315) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:52 AM Author: honey-headed electric furnace parlor dude... i'm going to bed now. i just wanted to say I WIN one last time before sleep :) (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806316) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:52 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806317) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:53 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806318) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:53 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806319) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:53 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806320) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:53 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806321) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:54 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806322) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:54 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806323) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 5:54 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness ME (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806324) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 6:04 AM Author: spectacular internal respiration becky ME (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806327) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 6:06 AM Author: honey-headed electric furnace parlor winner (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806328) |
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Date: October 20th, 2006 2:21 AM Author: honey-headed electric furnace parlor I'm saddened by the fact that I posted this two years ago, and I'm still posting now. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6822330) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 6:11 AM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate I'm the wiener.
Bidding is now closed on this eBay auction. |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 6:12 AM Author: spectacular internal respiration becky REIGNING CHAMP (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806330) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 6:35 AM Author: adventurous navy famous landscape painting sorry sloth (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806333) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 6:41 AM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate PWN3D (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806336) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 6:42 AM Author: adventurous navy famous landscape painting konichiwa, bitches (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806337) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 6:58 AM Author: spectacular internal respiration becky I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know? this aggression will not stand, man. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806340) |
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Date: June 4th, 2005 11:11 PM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building hee hee (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2932700) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 7:15 AM Author: Sickened Shimmering Patrolman Subject: what do we win?? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806342) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 7:19 AM Author: spectacular internal respiration becky There's more to life than a little money, ya know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are. And it's a beautiful day. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806344) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 9:22 AM Author: spectacular internal respiration becky I WON! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806493) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 10:15 AM Author: charismatic useless skinny woman hi (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806852) |
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Date: June 25th, 2004 10:22 AM Author: spectacular internal respiration becky They got this guy, in Germany. Fritz Something-or-other. Or is it? Maybe it's Werner. Anyway, he's got this theory, you wanna test something, you know, scientifically -- how the planets go round the sun, what sunspots are made of, why the water comes out of the tap -- well, you gotta look at it. But sometimes you look at it, your looking changes it. Ya can't know the reality of what happened, or what would've happened if you hadn'ta stuck in your own goddamn schnozz. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#806903) |
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Date: June 26th, 2004 1:14 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness All future posters on this thread will gain weight and become FATTT (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#816060) |
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Date: June 26th, 2004 2:57 AM Author: honey-headed electric furnace parlor looks like i'm a big faTTT WINNER!!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#816679) |
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Date: June 26th, 2004 2:55 AM Author: Wild curious sanctuary POTATOe (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#816666) |
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Date: June 26th, 2004 12:43 PM Author: aqua crawly public bath french chef I'm in (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#817761) |
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Date: December 22nd, 2004 1:35 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing Sneak victory (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1827714) |
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Date: December 22nd, 2004 1:38 AM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive yeah but you get no credit (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1827738) |
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Date: June 26th, 2004 12:45 PM Author: passionate effete property w00t (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#817763) |
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Date: June 27th, 2004 10:52 PM Author: Angry associate Don't call it a comeback. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#826040) |
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Date: June 27th, 2004 10:54 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig i've been here for years (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#826069) |
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Date: July 9th, 2004 7:21 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing Subject: V (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#919711) |
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Date: July 9th, 2004 9:21 AM Author: cerebral rebellious casino dog poop What do you win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#919816) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:26 AM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate Boomshakalaka (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#994939) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:36 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig greatest thread in xoxo history (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#995043) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:43 AM Author: Turquoise Narrow-minded Brunch winnar. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#995116) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:43 AM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE AND RESCUE MY DAUGHTER (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#995125) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:44 AM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen *yawn*
I WIN I WIN I WIN |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:44 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#995143) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:46 AM Author: Turquoise Narrow-minded Brunch winnar. uncontested. where's the prize? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#995151) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:47 AM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen blech (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#995165) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:50 AM Author: yellow personal credit line Perfect time to declare myself the winner. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996383) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:52 AM Author: Massive sick national not quite perfect. also where are you going to law school i remember seeing you on LSN.com?? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996385) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:54 AM Author: yellow personal credit line I should still be on LSN.com, but I'm going to Wash U next year. Did you used to have another moniker? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996388) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:03 AM Author: Massive sick national yeah i am zmtl492 also. lol jk. i dont post much on here except for at night. i just asked because i used to check uiuc and i remember you being on there esp bc of your memorable name. what does it mean btw if you dont mind? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996400) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:06 AM Author: yellow personal credit line It comes from an SNL skit a few years ago with Will Ferrell and Christopher Walken. Ferrell was playing the guy playing the cowbell for Blue Oyster Cult's 'Don't fear the Reaper', and Walken's character (record producer) kept on calling for even more cowbell. "Fellas, I got a fever. And the only prescription is for more cowbell!" The birth of a moniker. So I take it its the Horde for you in the fall? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996403) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:08 AM Author: honey-headed electric furnace parlor that skit was a classic. and now, a moment of silence to honor the genius that is will ferrell. ... ... ... amen. |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:09 AM Author: yellow personal credit line I don't know how to put this...but I'm kind of a bid deal. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996408) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:20 AM Author: Massive sick national oh i see. well at least that wont be botherig me later on in the night when i would have got up in the middle of the night and wondered exactly what more-cowbell meant.
no way on the mich for me part. i just picked this cause people were posting as harvard and yale sucks and i thought it would be fairly funny to pick a lower ranked school and act all prestigious about it--as my email tagline says. i wouldnt get into umich. not going anywhere this year, but congrats to you on uwash. |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:52 AM Author: honey-headed electric furnace parlor a winner is me! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996386) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:53 AM Author: Massive sick national nope no way. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996387) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:54 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness I've stopped trying to win, but I do still make sure no one else does.
Ah, the beauty of achievable standards... |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:55 AM Author: yellow personal credit line I love how all it takes is my bumping this thread and immediately a bunch of posters emerge from the woodwork. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996392) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:55 AM Author: yellow personal credit line Au contraire mon frere. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996390) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:55 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address hi@ (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996391) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:56 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness Hi!1!@ (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996393) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:59 AM Author: Black Exhilarant Gas Station Incel how are you? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996395) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:03 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness good, survived my big trip, came home alive and well even. GOt a lot of calc done.
How are you? |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:24 AM Author: Massive sick national im not trying to be an a-hole but seriously how long have you been taking a calc course? is it 2 in a row? i must also ask why calc courses/ arent you into ls already? sorry if this comes across like an a-hole post but i really am just curious bc i see you post about calc often. not trying to be an idiot. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996430) |
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Date: November 22nd, 2004 6:58 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness I think I took it for about 2 months. Extended summer course. I need it to graduate, one of my last equirements. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1690790) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:59 AM Author: yellow personal credit line Vieni, vedi, e vinci. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996396) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:00 AM Author: Black Exhilarant Gas Station Incel I miss normal conversations (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996397) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:02 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address kthxdie (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996398) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:09 AM Author: Black Exhilarant Gas Station Incel good point. you're a fount of wisdom (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996407) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:10 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address i know, i'm so fucking cool (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996410) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:12 AM Author: Black Exhilarant Gas Station Incel not (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996413) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:21 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address i'm cooler than you (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996424) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:28 AM Author: Black Exhilarant Gas Station Incel Pastor Fred is not cool. have a cookie. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996435) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:31 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address OMG are you Pastor Fred (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996440) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:12 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing Subject: LAST PERSON TO POST BEFORE THE MILLIONTH POST - WINS! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996412) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:22 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address OMG U HAV STARS NEX 2 YR NAM!!!111one (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996426) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:24 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing Subject: OMGZZZZZZZZZ So - uhhh what's the point of this? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996431) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:31 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address Subject: ONOES what the stars (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996441) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:33 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing Yea! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996444) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:35 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address Subject: OMG JOOOOOD did it first i think to mock mandy i think, and hten other people did it, so i figured i would do it too. and then you did it also (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996448) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:37 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing Lets get this thread up to 3500 before dawn so one of us can claim to be the millionth poster! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996454) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:40 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address you post the millionth post for me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996459) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:12 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness You're all faTTT!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996414) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:16 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing Do you think fish posts on this forum as a means of controlling you? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996417) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:20 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness no (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996422) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:22 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing Be honest in the confines of this anonymous, tiring, and uninviting thread! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996427) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:14 AM Author: Black Exhilarant Gas Station Incel You're scared of me. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996416) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:22 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address eat me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996429) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:34 AM Author: Black Exhilarant Gas Station Incel i sense your terror (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996447) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:35 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address who are you and why are you here (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996450) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:34 AM Author: 180 mustard wrinkle Subject: come from behind win by culov this is not an empty message body (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996446) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:35 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996449) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:36 AM Author: 180 mustard wrinkle i win by forfeit. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996452) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:36 AM Author: Massive sick national wait, overtime. umich wins in overtime! culov is disqualified due to an empty message body. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996451) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:37 AM Author: 180 mustard wrinkle Subject: no subject you lose. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996453) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:39 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address Subject: OMGSTFUOKDIEIWINKULOVVOMGOMG this space intentionally blank (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996458) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:40 AM Author: Massive sick national ok you win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996460) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:41 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing Why do you not have stars! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996461) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:42 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address Subject: OMG because he is not cool (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996462) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:43 AM Author: 180 mustard wrinkle i dont think im cool enough (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996463) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 5:43 AM Author: Massive sick national yeah i feel left out. here *******UMICH******** i should be welcomed now. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#996464) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:13 PM Author: hairraiser light national security agency (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#997824) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:16 PM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen the winner is... me! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#997836) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:22 PM Author: passionate effete property All Hail! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#997869) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 12:22 PM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen Fuck you! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#997875) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 2:58 PM Author: Big-titted racy lodge Ha!!! Bow before me, losers! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#999644) |
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Date: July 19th, 2004 4:27 PM Author: yellow personal credit line Can't get the millionth post, but for the time being I'll settle for owning this thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1001411) |
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Date: July 28th, 2004 12:04 PM Author: Angry associate And now you don't. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1068458) |
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Date: September 3rd, 2004 4:17 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness I said ME (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1282780) |
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Date: September 3rd, 2004 4:19 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness Subject: I WIN ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
so there |
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Date: September 3rd, 2004 10:42 PM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1285215) |
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Date: September 3rd, 2004 10:43 PM Author: gay razzle-dazzle affirmative action OMG I've never won anything in my life! Yay! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1285216) |
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Date: September 3rd, 2004 10:43 PM Author: Cerise Knife Heaven YOU ALL LOSE! HAHAHA (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1285219) |
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Date: September 3rd, 2004 10:48 PM Author: obsidian cumskin as if (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1285239) |
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Date: September 4th, 2004 1:00 PM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen I WIN I WIN I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!
*runs around field and tears shirt off, revealing lovely sports bra* |
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Date: September 4th, 2004 1:02 PM Author: Sinister theater laser beams NUH UH GIRLFRIEN! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1286606) |
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Date: September 4th, 2004 1:03 PM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen ha HA!
I win. |
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Date: September 4th, 2004 1:05 PM Author: Sinister theater laser beams BOOM SHAKA LAKA LAKA!
WHAT NOW?! |
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Date: September 4th, 2004 1:08 PM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen fuck bitches, get money (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1286634) |
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Date: September 4th, 2004 1:31 PM Author: yellow personal credit line The King returns. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1286753) |
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Date: September 4th, 2004 8:37 PM Author: Khaki Vivacious Mexican YOu all just wasted a lot of time. I win :) (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1289105) |
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Date: September 4th, 2004 8:40 PM Author: Smoky plaza reading party I'm the winner, and I did it without AA. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1289120) |
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Date: September 4th, 2004 8:41 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Worst thread EVER! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1289122) |
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Date: September 4th, 2004 8:46 PM Author: Khaki Vivacious Mexican I hate this thread. But i just can't help it. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1289137) |
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Date: January 23rd, 2005 7:50 PM Author: Trip Nursing Home lol (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1988277) |
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Date: September 4th, 2004 8:47 PM Author: ocher step-uncle's house victory is mine (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1289141) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:45 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig *fart* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290168) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:52 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290195) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:06 AM Author: green main people area PWN3D (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290269) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:08 AM Author: flirting nighttime stead jew Subject: Like my slave ancestors? You are a bigot and would be glad to accept your suicide as a form of reperations.
That's sarcasm. |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:23 AM Author: yellow personal credit line Victory is mine. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290354) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 4:28 AM Author: green main people area Inconceivable (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290972) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 4:18 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290961) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 4:27 AM Author: green main people area or not (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1290970) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 5:14 AM Author: ivory aphrodisiac house Shhhhhhhhhhh. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291050) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 5:22 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale Winner right here. Tadow Whats up Now (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291051) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 5:26 AM Author: green main people area huh? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291057) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 6:26 AM Author: obsidian cumskin UR so gey! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291090) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 7:53 AM Author: ocher step-uncle's house The end is nigh (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291114) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:12 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness in Cartman's voice:
I hate you guys. |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:13 PM Author: honey-headed electric furnace parlor totally weak (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291424) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:13 PM Author: puce philosopher-king stage Hellaweak (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291426) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 1:15 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291430) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 2:12 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Game over! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291676) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 3:09 PM Author: Slap-happy church Not likely. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1291961) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 3:28 PM Author: yellow personal credit line I own this thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1292047) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 6:56 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Consider this a foreclosure than. Biatch (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1293241) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 7:34 PM Author: yellow personal credit line False. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1293452) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 7:36 PM Author: Brilliant Rigpig hi. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1293458) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 8:22 PM Author: Galvanic Translucent Field an upset victory if i ever did see one. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1293702) |
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Date: September 5th, 2004 8:24 PM Author: Trip Nursing Home Subject: 173 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1293713) |
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Date: September 6th, 2004 11:51 PM Author: Trip Nursing Home Subject: anybody else not studying too hard? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1300132) |
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Date: September 7th, 2004 12:50 AM Author: yellow personal credit line this guy. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1300533) |
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Date: September 7th, 2004 1:03 AM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive it's all about timing. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1300619) |
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Date: September 7th, 2004 1:09 AM Author: yellow personal credit line you blew your load too early. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1300657) |
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Date: September 9th, 2004 2:46 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig i declare this thread over and myself the winner.
HTMFH. |
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Date: September 9th, 2004 2:51 PM Author: Boyish Gunner Box Office you sonofabitch. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1312127) |
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Date: September 9th, 2004 2:53 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig i'm a cop you eedeiot! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1312136) |
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Date: September 9th, 2004 2:56 PM Author: Boyish Gunner Box Office you're a choir boy compared to me, a CHOIR BOY! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1312156) |
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Date: September 9th, 2004 7:32 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Did I win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1313818) |
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Date: September 10th, 2004 3:39 AM Author: yellow personal credit line I claim this thread as mine via theory of adverse possession.
*I am such a tool |
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Date: September 10th, 2004 4:11 AM Author: Vigorous bearded address you lose, bitch (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1316542) |
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Date: September 13th, 2004 4:38 AM Author: Zombie-like sound barrier Bump, bitches. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1329796) |
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Date: September 13th, 2004 5:28 AM Author: obsidian cumskin >ò
peace
(yeah///ok.. so its suppose to be a Jesus fish...so fucking sue me!) |
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Date: September 18th, 2004 5:25 PM Author: Angry associate >'//>><{
my fish kicks your fish's ass.
also I am a winner again. |
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Date: September 20th, 2004 2:57 AM Author: yellow personal credit line Not so fast. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1362273) |
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Date: September 20th, 2004 3:03 AM Author: Motley free-loading clown Score! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1362298) |
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Date: September 20th, 2004 4:14 AM Author: yellow personal credit line Swatted! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1362414) |
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Date: September 20th, 2004 4:39 AM Author: odious elastic band (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1362446) |
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Date: September 20th, 2004 5:13 AM Author: yellow personal credit line Bicuspid, we meet again... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1362481) |
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Date: September 20th, 2004 5:16 AM Author: odious elastic band g'night (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1362483) |
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Date: September 20th, 2004 5:22 AM Author: yellow personal credit line toodles (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1362484) |
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Date: September 20th, 2004 5:25 AM Author: odious elastic band im so tired but I cant fucking sleep (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1362486) |
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Date: September 20th, 2004 6:08 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing V (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1362492) |
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Date: September 20th, 2004 7:02 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Looks like we have a winner folks, and its me! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1364596) |
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Date: September 26th, 2004 1:52 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale 0 Challenge (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1392667) |
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Date: September 26th, 2004 1:58 AM Author: Soul-stirring garrison ? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1392687) |
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Date: September 26th, 2004 2:01 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale not really sure (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1392697) |
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Date: September 26th, 2004 4:09 AM Author: green main people area dumb idea for a thread (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1393019) |
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Date: September 29th, 2004 6:06 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness loser (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1410756) |
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Date: September 29th, 2004 6:07 PM Author: green main people area wow, i was winning for 3 days. SWeet (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1410758) |
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Date: September 29th, 2004 6:08 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness lllllllllllllllllllllloser (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1410761) |
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Date: September 29th, 2004 6:08 PM Author: green main people area i know (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1410763) |
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Date: September 29th, 2004 6:09 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness DAMMIT (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1410770) |
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Date: September 29th, 2004 6:10 PM Author: green main people area *whistles* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1410771) |
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Date: September 29th, 2004 6:12 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness I'll be back. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1410779) |
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Date: September 29th, 2004 6:12 PM Author: green main people area you win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1410781) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 12:20 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness I came back! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1564773) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 12:21 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building vote kerry (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1564781) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 12:33 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness damn, how did you even notice that? good eye. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1564896) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 12:35 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building The fact that it's bright red helps (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1564921) |
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Date: October 2nd, 2004 3:10 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig i declare howard stern the winner of this thread (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1425385) |
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Date: October 2nd, 2004 3:13 PM Author: passionate effete property touche (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1425390) |
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Date: October 2nd, 2004 4:33 PM Author: Angry associate yyyoink (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1425776) |
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Date: October 8th, 2004 5:10 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus PWN3D. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1455117) |
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Date: October 8th, 2004 5:32 AM Author: elite ceo wow, this thread really sucks (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1455123) |
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Date: October 10th, 2004 9:18 PM Author: Cyan dingle berry Mmm. This thread tastes good. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1467548) |
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Date: October 16th, 2004 2:10 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale I take the lead (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1497577) |
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Date: October 26th, 2004 1:28 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building It is short-lived. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1548798) |
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Date: February 19th, 2006 10:06 AM Author: Lascivious Jade Space Organic Girlfriend You should know. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5129784) |
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Date: October 26th, 2004 1:29 AM Author: tripping adulterous new version stop posting on this thread you bastards (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1548806) |
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Date: October 26th, 2004 1:33 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building That cheap tactic will not ensure you victory.
By the way, I don't want to win, I just want to keep everyone else from winning. |
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Date: October 26th, 2004 1:41 AM Author: Smoky plaza reading party Posting on this thread with give your computer a virus. HTH. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1548857) |
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Date: October 26th, 2004 1:54 AM Author: ebony pisswyrm is it an std? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1548920) |
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Date: October 26th, 2004 3:36 AM Author: Smoky plaza reading party No, it will erase your hard drive and your LSAC file. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1549384) |
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Date: October 26th, 2004 10:12 AM Author: ebony pisswyrm My hard drive is backed up and i'm already in law school so i'm not worried about LSAC. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1549726) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 12:18 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building You're not winning, neo-con. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1564759) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 1:48 AM Author: ebony pisswyrm i'm not a neo-con :( i'm just a regular con! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565289) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 12:21 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness SOB's, all of you (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1564782) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 12:22 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building just accept defeat (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1564793) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 12:36 AM Author: yellow personal credit line You all suck. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1564927) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 12:37 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building I've got a fevuh (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1564938) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 12:43 AM Author: yellow personal credit line Boys boys take it easy. I'm like you, each morning I put on my pants one leg at a time. Except once my pants are on, I make gold records. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1564969) |
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Date: November 22nd, 2004 2:26 PM Author: Bronze Home *cough* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1689424) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 1:37 AM Author: Cerise Knife Heaven Me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565237) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 1:39 AM Author: Soul-stirring garrison no, me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565244) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 1:42 AM Author: Cerise Knife Heaven Um, NO! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565262) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 1:45 AM Author: Soul-stirring garrison um, YES....ME, ME, ME...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ME!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565276) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 1:46 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building this thread will hit 1K, unless the board dies first
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Date: October 29th, 2004 1:47 AM Author: Soul-stirring garrison ME....i will be up until the wee wee hours!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565285) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 1:51 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness me? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565306) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 1:53 AM Author: Cerise Knife Heaven SORRY! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565311) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 1:55 AM Author: Soul-stirring garrison DING!!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565320) |
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Date: January 6th, 2007 2:52 AM Author: fuchsia senate (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7361245) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 2:01 AM Author: diverse ruby haunted graveyard Booyah. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565341) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 2:02 AM Author: ebony pisswyrm Sunflower seeds dammit (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565348) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 2:04 AM Author: diverse ruby haunted graveyard Booyah. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565356) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 2:06 AM Author: histrionic indirect expression ticket booth I win again, Wilbon! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565367) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 2:16 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig gimme some dap (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565408) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 2:26 AM Author: Soul-stirring garrison *tip-toes in* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565426) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 2:39 AM Author: Bistre Chapel This fucking thread better not be at the top of my screen for the next three months... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565453) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 3:16 AM Author: provocative cuckoldry orchestra pit posting late at night to let it sink some seems like a good strategy, if I really wanted to win I'd post this and then start spamming the board with new threads to bury this one, I won't go that far though (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565533) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 3:27 AM Author: Bistre Chapel I think edits should count. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565578) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 4:45 AM Author: Zombie-like sound barrier I disagree. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565659) |
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Date: October 29th, 2004 4:47 AM Author: marvelous harsh genital piercing V (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1565660) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 1:37 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building Nice try asshole.
Welcome to November. |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 1:40 AM Author: Hyperactive Sandwich University hmm (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1613783) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 1:41 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building I love that this thread was clearly created by a very stoned individual. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1613788) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 1:47 AM Author: cracking locus cuck I claim this thread in the name of the great (Reggie) Bush. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1613801) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 3:15 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness AHA!
Thought you had, it didn't ya? |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 3:26 AM Author: obsidian cumskin i vote we give this thread a proper burial at sea. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1614212) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 3:27 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness Subject: so close and yet so far.
good try though |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 3:30 AM Author: Slap-happy church Yep, very good try. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1614231) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 3:52 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale No way. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1614313) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 3:53 AM Author: bateful location Douchebags. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1614317) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 4:35 AM Author: at-the-ready stimulating toaster theater stage This is 500K worth of dumb. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1614499) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 4:46 AM Author: green main people area i agree (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1614548) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 1:17 PM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building lick my butt and suck on my balls (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1615180) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 4:52 PM Author: Angry associate I forgot about this thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1615935) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 8:47 PM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building Your shitty-ass memory will not allow you to be victorious, dick. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1617146) |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 8:59 PM Author: Angry associate Then perhaps my knack for quickly coming up with haikus will, jerkass. |
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Date: November 7th, 2004 9:04 PM Author: Arousing thirsty psychic I finally won something! I've never won anything before now. Its overwhelming! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1617253) |
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Date: November 8th, 2004 1:55 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness Post below to show that you think I pwned you 3 times. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1618747) |
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Date: November 8th, 2004 1:57 AM Author: ebony pisswyrm I don't think you owned me, but you can if you want! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1618761) |
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Date: November 8th, 2004 11:31 AM Author: Greedy business firm It's me. I just know it's me!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1619334) |
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Date: November 8th, 2004 12:02 PM Author: Boyish Gunner Box Office I heart this thread.
Eat it nurse bitchass. |
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Date: November 8th, 2004 12:04 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Is this threas still around? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1619407) |
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Date: October 14th, 2005 11:33 PM Author: Silver Meetinghouse (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4049034) |
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Date: November 16th, 2004 9:49 AM Author: misanthropic milky institution Lick my balls bitches. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1660909) |
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Date: November 20th, 2004 3:56 PM Author: slate fat ankles (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1680119) |
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Date: November 20th, 2004 3:56 PM Author: Hideous poppy bawdyhouse legal warrant Shackleton is quality. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1680122) |
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Date: November 22nd, 2004 6:11 PM Author: Hideous poppy bawdyhouse legal warrant Apparently not quality enough, bitch. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1690590) |
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Date: November 20th, 2004 4:00 PM Author: magical community account shrine I am Sam. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1680144) |
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Date: November 20th, 2004 4:01 PM Author: Hideous poppy bawdyhouse legal warrant blast! thwarted again! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1680151) |
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Date: November 20th, 2004 4:01 PM Author: magical community account shrine I am Sam. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1680149) |
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Date: November 20th, 2004 4:16 PM Author: Talking charcoal round eye chad Subject: Check this out H.B. No. 1394
AN ACT
relating to a revision of the general provisions of the Uniform Commercial Code. BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF TEXAS: SECTION 1. Chapter 1, Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: CHAPTER 1. GENERAL PROVISIONS
SUBCHAPTER A. GENERAL PROVISIONS [SHORT TITLE, CONSTRUCTION, APPLICATION AND SUBJECT MATTER OF THE TITLE]
Sec. 1.101. SHORT TITLES [TITLE]. (a) This title may be cited as the Uniform Commercial Code. (b) This chapter may be cited as Uniform Commercial Code--General Provisions. Sec. 1.102. SCOPE OF CHAPTER. This chapter applies to a transaction to the extent that it is governed by another chapter of this title. Sec. 1.103. CONSTRUCTION OF TITLE TO PROMOTE ITS PURPOSES AND POLICIES; APPLICABILITY OF SUPPLEMENTAL PRINCIPLES OF LAW. [PURPOSES; RULES OF CONSTRUCTION; VARIATION BY AGREEMENT.] (a) This title must [shall] be liberally construed and applied to promote its underlying purposes and policies, which[. [(b) Underlying purposes and policies of this title] are: (1) to simplify, clarify and modernize the law governing commercial transactions; (2) to permit the continued expansion of commercial practices through custom, usage and agreement of the parties; and (3) to make uniform the law among the various jurisdictions. (b) [(c) The effect of provisions of this title may be varied by agreement, except as otherwise provided in this title and except that the obligations of good faith, diligence, reasonableness and care prescribed by this title may not be disclaimed by agreement but the parties may by agreement determine the standards by which the performance of such obligations is to be measured if such standards are not manifestly unreasonable. [(d) The presence in certain provisions of this title of the words "unless otherwise agreed" or words of similar import does not imply that the effect of other provisions may not be varied by agreement under Subsection (c). [(e) In this title unless the context otherwise requires [(1) words in the singular number include the plural, and in the plural include the singular; [(2) words of the masculine gender include the feminine and the neuter, and when the sense so indicates words of the neuter gender may refer to any gender. [Sec. 1.103. SUPPLEMENTARY GENERAL PRINCIPLES OF LAW APPLICABLE.] Unless displaced by the particular provisions of this title, the principles of law and equity, including the law merchant and the law relative to capacity to contract, principal and agent, estoppel, fraud, misrepresentation, duress, coercion, mistake, bankruptcy, or other validating or invalidating cause shall supplement its provisions. Sec. 1.104. CONSTRUCTION AGAINST IMPLIED [IMPLICIT] REPEAL. This title being a general act [body of law] intended as a unified coverage of its subject matter, no part of it shall be deemed to be impliedly repealed by subsequent legislation if such construction can reasonably be avoided. Sec. 1.105. [TERRITORIAL APPLICATION OF THE TITLE; PARTIES' POWER TO CHOOSE APPLICABLE LAW. (a) Except as provided hereafter in this section, when a transaction bears a reasonable relation to this state and also to another state or nation the parties may agree that the law either of this state or of such other state or nation shall govern their rights and duties. Failing such agreement this title applies to transactions bearing an appropriate relation to this state. [(b) Where one of the following provisions of this title specifies the applicable law, that provision governs and a contrary agreement is effective only to the extent permitted by the law (including the conflict of laws rules) so specified: [Rights of creditors against sold goods. Section 2.402. [Applicability of the chapter on Leases. Sections 2A.105 and 2A.106. [Applicability of the chapter on Bank Deposits and Collections. Section 4.102. [Governing law in the chapter on Funds Transfers. Section 4A.507. [Letters of Credit. Section 5.116. [Applicability of the chapter on Investment Securities. Section 8.110. [Law governing perfection, the effect of perfection or nonperfection, and the priority of security interests and agricultural liens. Sections 9.301-9.307. [(c) If a transaction that is subject to this title is a "qualified transaction," as defined in Section 35.51 of this code, then except as provided in Subsection (b) of this section, Section 35.51 governs the effect of an agreement by the parties that the law of a particular jurisdiction governs an issue relating to the transaction or that the law of a particular jurisdiction governs the interpretation or construction of an agreement relating to the transaction or a provision of the agreement. [Sec. 1.106. REMEDIES TO BE LIBERALLY ADMINISTERED. (a) The remedies provided by this title shall be liberally administered to the end that the aggrieved party may be put in as good a position as if the other party had fully performed but neither consequential or special nor penal damages may be had except as specifically provided in this title or by other rule of law. [(b) Any right or obligation declared by this title is enforceable by action unless the provision declaring it specifies a different and limited effect. [Sec. 1.107. WAIVER OR RENUNCIATION OF CLAIM OR RIGHT AFTER BREACH. Any claim or right arising out of an alleged breach can be discharged in whole or in part without consideration by a written waiver or renunciation signed and delivered by the aggrieved party. [Sec. 1.108.] SEVERABILITY. If any provision or clause of this title or its application [thereof] to any person or circumstance [circumstances] is held invalid, the [such] invalidity does [shall] not affect other provisions or applications of this [the] title which can be given effect without the invalid provision or application, and to this end the provisions of this title are [declared to be] severable. Sec. 1.106. USE OF SINGULAR AND PLURAL; GENDER. In this title, unless the statutory context otherwise requires: (1) words in the singular number include the plural, and those in the plural include the singular; and (2) words of any gender also refer to any other gender. Sec. 1.107 [1.109]. SECTION CAPTIONS. Section captions are parts of this title. Sec. 1.108. RELATION TO ELECTRONIC SIGNATURES IN GLOBAL AND NATIONAL COMMERCE ACT. This title modifies, limits, and supersedes the federal Electronic Signatures in Global and National Commerce Act (15 U.S.C. Section 7001 et seq.) but does not modify, limit, or supersede Section 101(c) of that Act (15 U.S.C. Section 7001(c)) or authorize electronic delivery of any of the notices described in Section 103(b) of that Act (15 U.S.C. Section 7003(b)). SUBCHAPTER B. GENERAL DEFINITIONS AND PRINCIPLES OF INTERPRETATION
Sec. 1.201. GENERAL DEFINITIONS. (a) Unless the context otherwise requires, words or phrases defined in this section, or in the additional definitions contained in other chapters of this title that apply to particular chapters or parts thereof, have the meanings stated. (b) Subject to [additional] definitions contained in other [the subsequent] chapters of this title that apply [which are applicable] to particular [specific] chapters or parts [subchapters] thereof[, and unless the context otherwise requires, in this title]: (1) "Action," in the sense of a judicial proceeding, includes recoupment, counterclaim, set-off, suit in equity, and any other proceeding [proceedings] in which rights are determined. (2) "Aggrieved party" means a party entitled to pursue [resort to] a remedy. (3) "Agreement," as distinguished from "contract," means the bargain of the parties in fact, as found in their language or inferred [by implication] from other circumstances, including course of performance, course of dealing, or usage of trade [or course of performance] as provided in Section 1.303 [this title (Sections 1.205 and 2.208)]. [Whether an agreement has legal consequences is determined by the provisions of this title, if applicable; otherwise by the law of contracts (Section 1.103). (Compare "Contract".)] (4) "Bank" means a [any] person engaged in the business of banking and includes a savings bank, savings and loan association, credit union, and trust company [solely for the purposes of Sections 3 and 4 of this Act includes any depository institution as defined by federal law]. (5) "Bearer" means a [the] person in possession of a negotiable [an] instrument, document of title, or certificated security that is payable to bearer or indorsed in blank. (6) "Bill of lading" means a document evidencing the receipt of goods for shipment issued by a person engaged in the business of transporting or forwarding goods[, and includes an airbill. "Airbill" means a document serving for air transportation as a bill of lading does for marine or rail transportation, and includes an air consignment note or air waybill]. (7) "Branch" includes a separately incorporated foreign branch of a bank. (8) "Burden of establishing" a fact means the burden of persuading the trier [triers] of fact that the existence of the fact is more probable than its nonexistence [non-existence]. (9) "Buyer in ordinary course of business" means a person that buys goods in good faith, without knowledge that the sale violates the rights of another person in the goods, and in the ordinary course from a person, other than a pawnbroker, in the business of selling goods of that kind. A person buys goods in the ordinary course if the sale to the person comports with the usual or customary practices in the kind of business in which the seller is engaged or with the seller's own usual or customary practices. A person that sells oil, gas, or other minerals at the wellhead or minehead is a person in the business of selling goods of that kind. A buyer in ordinary course of business may buy for cash, by exchange of other property, or on secured or unsecured credit, and may acquire goods or documents of title under a preexisting [pre-existing] contract for sale. Only a buyer that takes possession of the goods or has a right to recover the goods from the seller under Chapter 2 may be a buyer in ordinary course of business. "Buyer in ordinary course of business" does not include a [A] person that acquires goods in a transfer in bulk or as security for or in total or partial satisfaction of a money debt [is not a buyer in ordinary course of business]. (10) "Conspicuous," with reference to a term, means so written, displayed, or presented that a reasonable person against which it is to operate ought to have noticed it. Whether a term is "conspicuous" or not is a decision for the court. Conspicuous terms include the following: (A) a heading in capitals equal to or greater in size than the surrounding text, or in contrasting type, font, or color to the surrounding text of the same or lesser size; and (B) language in the body of a record or display in larger type than the surrounding text, or in contrasting type, font, or color to the surrounding text of the same size, or set off from surrounding text of the same size by symbols or other marks that call attention to the language[: A term or clause is conspicuous when it is so written that a reasonable person against whom it is to operate ought to have noticed it. A printed heading in capitals (as: Non-Negotiable Bill of Lading) is conspicuous. Language in the body of a form is "conspicuous" if it is in larger or other contrasting type or color. But in a telegram any stated term is "conspicuous". Whether a term or clause is "conspicuous" or not is for decision by the court]. (11) "Consumer" means an individual who enters into a transaction primarily for personal, family, or household purposes. (12) "Contract," as distinguished from "agreement," means the total legal obligation that [which] results from the parties' agreement as determined [affected] by this title as supplemented by [and] any other applicable laws [rules of law]. [(Compare "Agreement".)] (13) [(12)] "Creditor" includes a general creditor, a secured creditor, a lien creditor and any representative of creditors, including an assignee for the benefit of creditors, a trustee in bankruptcy, a receiver in equity and an executor or administrator of an insolvent debtor's or assignor's estate. (14) [(13)] "Defendant" includes a person in the position of defendant in a [cross-action or] counterclaim, cross-claim, or third-party claim. (15) [(14)] "Delivery," with respect to an instrument, document [instruments, documents] of title, or chattel paper, [or certificated securities] means voluntary transfer of possession. (16) [(15)] "Document of title" includes bill of lading, dock warrant, dock receipt, warehouse receipt or order for the delivery of goods, and also any other document which in the regular course of business or financing is treated as adequately evidencing that the person in possession of it is entitled to receive, hold and dispose of the document and the goods it covers. To be a document of title a document must purport to be issued by or addressed to a bailee and purport to cover goods in the bailee's possession which are either identified or are fungible portions of an identified mass. (17) [(16)] "Fault" means a default, breach, or wrongful act or[,] omission [or breach]. (18) [(17)] "Fungible[" with respect to] goods" [or securities] means: (A) goods [or securities] of which any unit [is], by nature or usage of trade, is the equivalent of any other like unit; or (B) goods that by agreement[. Goods which are not fungible shall be deemed fungible for the purposes of this title to the extent that under a particular agreement or document unlike units] are treated as equivalent [equivalents]. (19) [(18)] "Genuine" means free of forgery or counterfeiting. (20) [(19)] "Good faith," except as otherwise provided in Chapter 5, means honesty in fact and the observance of reasonable commercial standards of fair dealing [in the conduct or transaction concerned]. (21) [(20)] "Holder" [with respect to a negotiable instrument] means: (A) the person in possession of a negotiable [if the] instrument that is payable either to bearer or[, in the case of an instrument payable] to an identified person that is[, if] the [identified] person [is] in possession; or (B)[. "Holder" with respect to a document of title means] the person in possession of a document of title if the goods are deliverable either to bearer or to the order of the person in possession. [(21) To "honor" is to pay or to accept and pay, or where a credit so engages to purchase or discount a draft complying with the terms of the credit.] (22) "Insolvency proceeding [proceedings]" includes an [any] assignment for the benefit of creditors or other proceeding [proceedings] intended to liquidate or rehabilitate the estate of the person involved. (23) "Insolvent" means: (A) having generally [A person is "insolvent" who either has] ceased to pay [his] debts in the ordinary course of business other than as a result of a bona fide dispute; (B) being unable to [or cannot] pay [his] debts as they become due; or (C) being [is] insolvent within the meaning of the federal bankruptcy law. (24) "Money" means a medium of exchange currently authorized or adopted by a domestic or foreign government. The term [and] includes a monetary unit of account established by an intergovernmental organization or by agreement between two or more countries [nations]. (25) [A person has "notice" of a fact when [(A) he has actual knowledge of it; or [(B) he has received a notice or notification of it; or [(C) from all the facts and circumstances known to him at the time in question he has reason to know that it exists. [A person "knows" or has "knowledge" of a fact when he has actual knowledge of it. "Discover" or "learn" or a word or phrase of similar import refers to knowledge rather than to reason to know. The time and circumstances under which a notice or notification may cease to be effective are not determined by this title. [(26) A person "notifies" or "gives" a notice or notification to another by taking such steps as may be reasonably required to inform the other in ordinary course whether or not such other actually comes to know of it. A person "receives" a notice or notification when [(A) it comes to his attention; or [(B) it is duly delivered at the place of business through which the contract was made or at any other place held out by him as the place for receipt of such communications. [(27) Notice, knowledge or a notice or notification received by an organization is effective for a particular transaction from the time when it is brought to the attention of the individual conducting that transaction, and in any event from the time when it would have been brought to his attention if the organization had exercised due diligence. An organization exercises due diligence if it maintains reasonable routines for communicating significant information to the person conducting the transaction and there is reasonable compliance with the routines. Due diligence does not require an individual acting for the organization to communicate information unless such communication is part of his regular duties or unless he has reason to know of the transaction and that the transaction would be materially affected by the information. [(28)] "Organization" means a person other than an individual [includes a corporation, government or governmental subdivision or agency, business trust, estate, trust, partnership or association, two or more persons having a joint or common interest, or any other legal or commercial entity]. (26) [(29)] "Party,"[,] as distinguished [distinct] from "third party,"[,] means a person that [who] has engaged in a transaction or made an agreement subject to [within] this title. (27) [(30)] "Person" means an individual, corporation, business trust, estate, trust, partnership, limited liability company, association, joint venture, government, governmental subdivision, agency, or instrumentality, public corporation, or any other legal or commercial entity [includes an individual or an organization (See Section 1.102)]. (28) "Present value" means the amount as of a date certain of one or more sums payable in the future, discounted to the date certain by use of either an interest rate specified by the parties if that rate is not manifestly unreasonable at the time the transaction is entered into or, if an interest rate is not so specified, a commercially reasonable rate that takes into account the facts and circumstances at the time the transaction is entered into. (29) [(31) "Presumption" or "presumed" means that the trier of fact must find the existence of the fact presumed unless and until evidence is introduced which would support a finding of its non-existence. [(32)] "Purchase" means [includes] taking by sale, lease, discount, negotiation, mortgage, pledge, lien, security interest, issue or reissue, gift, or any other voluntary transaction creating an interest in property. (30) [(33)] "Purchaser" means a person that [who] takes by purchase. (31) "Record" means information that is inscribed on a tangible medium or that is stored in an electronic or other medium and is retrievable in perceivable form. (32) [(34)] "Remedy" means any remedial right to which an aggrieved party is entitled with or without resort to a tribunal. (33) [(35)] "Representative" means a [includes an agent, an officer of a corporation or association, and a trustee, executor or administrator of an estate, or any other] person empowered to act for another, including an agent, an officer of a corporation or association, and a trustee, executor, or administrator of an estate. (34) "Right" [(36) "Rights"] includes remedy [remedies]. (35) [(37)(A)] "Security interest" means an interest in personal property or fixtures which [that] secures payment or performance of an obligation. "Security interest" [The term also] includes any interest of a consignor and a buyer of accounts, chattel paper, a payment intangible, or a promissory note in a transaction that is subject to Chapter 9. "Security interest" does not include the [The] special property interest of a buyer of goods on identification of those [such] goods to a contract for sale under Section 2.401 [is not a "security interest"], but a buyer may also acquire a "security interest" by complying with Chapter 9. Except as otherwise provided in Section 2.505, the right of a seller or lessor of goods under Chapter 2 or 2A to retain or acquire possession of the goods is not a "security interest,"[,] but a seller or lessor may also acquire a "security interest" by complying with Chapter 9. The retention or reservation of title by a seller of goods notwithstanding shipment or delivery to the buyer under [(]Section 2.401[)] is limited in effect to a reservation of a "security interest."[. [(B)] Whether a transaction in the form of a lease creates a [lease or] security interest is determined pursuant to Section 1.203 [by the facts of each case; however, a transaction creates a security interest if the consideration the lessee is to pay the lessor for the right to possession and use of the goods is an obligation for the term of the lease not subject to termination by the lessee, and: [(i) the original term of the lease is equal to or greater than the remaining economic life of the goods; [(ii) the lessee is bound to renew the lease for the remaining economic life of the goods or is bound to become the owner of the goods; [(iii) the lessee has an option to renew the lease for the remaining economic life of the goods for no additional consideration or nominal additional consideration upon compliance with the lease agreement; or [(iv) the lessee has an option to become the owner of the goods for no additional consideration or nominal additional consideration upon compliance with the lease agreement. [(C) A transaction does not create a security interest merely because it provides that: [(i) the present value of the consideration the lessee is obligated to pay the lessor for the right to possession and use of the goods is substantially equal to or is greater than the fair market value of the goods at the time the lease is entered into; [(ii) the lessee assumes risk of loss of the goods or agrees to pay taxes, insurance, filing, recording, or registration fees or service or maintenance costs with respect to the goods; [(iii) the lessee has an option to renew the lease or to become the owner of the goods; [(iv) the lessee has an option to renew the lease for a fixed rent that is equal to or greater than the reasonably predictable fair market rent for the use of the goods for the term of the renewal at the time the option is to be performed; or [(v) the lessee has an option to become the owner of the goods for a fixed price that is equal to or greater than the reasonably predictable fair market value of the goods at the time the option is to be performed. [(D) For the purposes of this subdivision, additional consideration is nominal if it is less than the lessee's reasonably predictable cost of performing under the lease agreement if the option is not exercised. Additional consideration is not nominal if: [(i) when the option to renew the lease is granted to the lessee, the rent is stated to be the fair market rent for the use of the goods for the term of the renewal determined at the time the option is to be performed; or [(ii) when the option to become the owner of the goods is granted to the lessee, the price is stated to be the fair market value of the goods determined at the time the option is to be performed. [(E) For the purposes of this subdivision, "reasonably predictable" and "remaining economic life of the goods" are to be determined with reference to the facts and circumstances at the time the transaction is entered into. [(F) For the purposes of this subdivision, "present value" means the amount as of a date certain of one or more sums payable in the future, discounted to the date certain. The discount is determined by the interest rate specified by the parties if the rate is not manifestly unreasonable at the time the transaction is entered into. Otherwise, the discount is determined by a commercially reasonable rate that takes into account the facts and circumstances of each case at the time the transaction was entered into]. (36) [(38)] "Send" in connection with a [any] writing, record, or notice means: (A) to deposit in the mail or deliver for transmission by any other usual means of communication with postage or cost of transmission provided for and properly addressed and, in the case of an instrument, to an address specified thereon or otherwise agreed, or if there be none to any address reasonable under the circumstances; or (B) in any other way cause to be received any record[. The receipt of any writing] or notice within the time at which it would have arrived if properly sent [has the effect of a proper sending]. (37) [(39)] "Signed" includes using any symbol executed or adopted [by a party] with present intention to adopt or accept [authenticate] a writing. (38) "State" means a State of the United States, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, the United States Virgin Islands, or any territory or insular possession subject to the jurisdiction of the United States. (39) [(40)] "Surety" includes a guarantor or other secondary obligor. (40) [(41) "Telegram" includes a message transmitted by radio, teletype, cable, any mechanical method of transmission, or the like. [(42)] "Term" means a [that] portion of an agreement that [which] relates to a particular matter. (41) [(43)] "Unauthorized["] signature" means a signature [one] made without actual, implied, or apparent authority. The term [and] includes a forgery. (42) [(44) "Value". Except as otherwise provided with respect to negotiable instruments and bank collections (Sections 3.303, 4.210, and 4.211) a person gives "value" for rights if he acquires them: [(A) in return for a binding commitment to extend credit or for the extension of immediately available credit whether or not drawn upon and whether or not a charge-back is provided for in the event of difficulties in collection; [(B) as security for or in total or partial satisfaction of a pre-existing claim; [(C) by accepting delivery pursuant to a pre-existing contract for purchase; or [(D) generally, in return for any consideration sufficient to support a simple contract. [(45)] "Warehouse receipt" means a receipt issued by a person engaged in the business of storing goods for hire. (43) "Writing" [(46) "Written" or "writing"] includes printing, typewriting, or any other intentional reduction to tangible form. "Written" has a corresponding meaning. Sec. 1.202. NOTICE; KNOWLEDGE. (a) Subject to Subsection (f), a person has "notice" of a fact if the person: (1) has actual knowledge of it; (2) has received a notice or notification of it; or (3) from all the facts and circumstances known to the person at the time in question, has reason to know that it exists. (b) "Knowledge" means actual knowledge. "Knows" has a corresponding meaning. (c) "Discover," "learn," or words of similar import refer to knowledge rather than to reason to know. (d) A person "notifies" or "gives" a notice or notification to another person by taking such steps as may be reasonably required to inform the other person in ordinary course, whether or not the other person actually comes to know of it. (e) Subject to Subsection (f), a person "receives" a notice or notification when: (1) it comes to that person's attention; or (2) it is duly delivered in a form reasonable under the circumstances at the place of business through which the contract was made or at another location held out by that person as the place for receipt of such communications. (f) Notice, knowledge, or a notice or notification received by an organization is effective for a particular transaction from the time it is brought to the attention of the individual conducting that transaction and, in any event, from the time it would have been brought to the individual's attention if the organization had exercised due diligence. An organization exercises due diligence if it maintains reasonable routines for communicating significant information to the person conducting the transaction and there is reasonable compliance with the routines. Due diligence does not require an individual acting for the organization to communicate information unless the communication is part of the individual's regular duties or the individual has reason to know of the transaction and that the transaction would be materially affected by the information. [PRIMA FACIE EVIDENCE BY THIRD PARTY DOCUMENTS. A document in due form purporting to be a bill of lading, policy or certificate of insurance, official weigher's or inspector's certificate, consular invoice, or any other document authorized or required by the contract to be issued by a third party shall be prima facie evidence of its own authenticity and genuineness and of the facts stated in the document by the third party.] Sec. 1.203. LEASE DISTINGUISHED FROM SECURITY INTEREST. (a) Whether a transaction in the form of a lease creates a lease or security interest is determined by the facts of each case. (b) A transaction in the form of a lease creates a security interest if the consideration that the lessee is to pay the lessor for the right to possession and use of the goods is an obligation for the term of the lease and is not subject to termination by the lessee, and: (1) the original term of the lease is equal to or greater than the remaining economic life of the goods; (2) the lessee is bound to renew the lease for the remaining economic life of the goods or is bound to become the owner of the goods; (3) the lessee has an option to renew the lease for the remaining economic life of the goods for no additional consideration or for nominal additional consideration upon compliance with the lease agreement; or (4) the lessee has an option to become the owner of the goods for no additional consideration or for nominal additional consideration upon compliance with the lease agreement. (c) A transaction in the form of a lease does not create a security interest merely because: (1) the present value of the consideration the lessee is obligated to pay the lessor for the right to possession and use of the goods is substantially equal to or is greater than the fair market value of the goods at the time the lease is entered into; (2) the lessee assumes risk of loss of the goods; (3) the lessee agrees to pay, with respect to the goods, taxes, insurance, filing, recording, or registration fees, or service or maintenance costs; (4) the lessee has an option to renew the lease or to become the owner of the goods; (5) the lessee has an option to renew the lease for a fixed rent that is equal to or greater than the reasonably predictable fair market rent for the use of the goods for the term of the renewal at the time the option is to be performed; or (6) the lessee has an option to become the owner of the goods for a fixed price that is equal to or greater than the reasonably predictable fair market value of the goods at the time the option is to be performed. (d) Additional consideration is nominal if it is less than the lessee's reasonably predictable cost of performing under the lease agreement if the option is not exercised. Additional consideration is not nominal if: (1) when the option to renew the lease is granted to the lessee, the rent is stated to be the fair market rent for the use of the goods for the term of the renewal determined at the time the option is to be performed; or (2) when the option to become the owner of the goods is granted to the lessee, the price is stated to be the fair market value of the goods determined at the time the option is to be performed. (e) The "remaining economic life of the goods" and "reasonably predictable" fair market rent, fair market value, or cost of performing under the lease agreement must be determined with reference to the facts and circumstances at the time the transaction is entered into. [OBLIGATION OF GOOD FAITH. Every contract or duty within this title imposes an obligation of good faith in its performance or enforcement.] Sec. 1.204. VALUE. Except as otherwise provided in Chapters 3, 4, and 5, a person gives value for rights if the person acquires them: (1) in return for a binding commitment to extend credit or for the extension of immediately available credit, whether or not drawn upon and whether or not a charge-back is provided for in the event of difficulties in collection; (2) as security for, or in total or partial satisfaction of, a preexisting claim; (3) by accepting delivery under a preexisting contract for purchase; or (4) in return for any consideration sufficient to support a simple contract. Sec. 1.205. [TIME;] REASONABLE TIME; SEASONABLENESS. ["SEASONABLY."] (a) Whether a time for taking an action required by this title is reasonable [Whenever this title requires any action to be taken within a reasonable time, any time which is not manifestly unreasonable may be fixed by agreement. [(b) What is a reasonable time for taking any action] depends on the nature, purpose, and circumstances of the [such] action. (b) [(c)] An action is taken seasonably if ["seasonably" when] it is taken at or within the time agreed or, if no time is agreed, at or within a reasonable time. Sec. 1.206. PRESUMPTIONS. Whenever this title creates a "presumption" with respect to a fact, or provides that a fact is "presumed," the trier of fact must find the existence of the fact unless and until evidence is introduced that supports a finding of its nonexistence. SUBCHAPTER C. TERRITORIAL APPLICABILITY AND GENERAL RULES
Sec. 1.301. TERRITORIAL APPLICATION OF THE TITLE; PARTIES' POWER TO CHOOSE APPLICABLE LAW. (a) Except as provided hereafter in this section, when a transaction bears a reasonable relation to this state and also to another state or nation the parties may agree that the law either of this state or of such other state or nation shall govern their rights and duties. Failing such agreement this title applies to transactions bearing an appropriate relation to this state. (b) Where one of the following provisions of this title specifies the applicable law, that provision governs and a contrary agreement is effective only to the extent permitted by the law (including the conflict of laws rules) so specified: Rights of creditors against sold goods. Section 2.402. Applicability of the chapter on Leases. Sections 2A.105 and 2A.106. Applicability of the chapter on Bank Deposits and Collections. Section 4.102. Governing law in the chapter on Funds Transfers. Section 4A.507. Letters of Credit. Section 5.116. Applicability of the chapter on Investment Securities. Section 8.110. Law governing perfection, the effect of perfection or nonperfection, and the priority of security interests and agricultural liens. Sections 9.301-9.307. (c) If a transaction that is subject to this title is a "qualified transaction," as defined in Section 35.51 of this code, then except as provided in Subsection (b) of this section, Section 35.51 governs the effect of an agreement by the parties that the law of a particular jurisdiction governs an issue relating to the transaction or that the law of a particular jurisdiction governs the interpretation or construction of an agreement relating to the transaction or a provision of the agreement. Sec. 1.302. VARIATION BY AGREEMENT. (a) Except as otherwise provided in Subsection (b) or elsewhere in this title, the effect of provisions of this title may be varied by agreement. (b) The obligations of good faith, diligence, reasonableness, and care prescribed by this title may not be disclaimed by agreement. The parties, by agreement, may determine the standards by which the performance of those obligations is to be measured if those standards are not manifestly unreasonable. Whenever this title requires an action to be taken within a reasonable time, a time that is not manifestly unreasonable may be fixed by agreement. (c) The presence in certain provisions of this title of the phrase "unless otherwise agreed," or words of similar import, does not imply that the effect of other provisions may not be varied by agreement under this section. Sec. 1.303. COURSE OF PERFORMANCE, [1.205.] COURSE OF DEALING, AND USAGE OF TRADE. (a) A "course of performance" is a sequence of conduct between the parties to a particular transaction that exists if: (1) the agreement of the parties with respect to the transaction involves repeated occasions for performance by a party; and (2) the other party, with knowledge of the nature of the performance and opportunity for objection to it, accepts the performance or acquiesces in it without objection. (b) A course of dealing is a sequence of [previous] conduct concerning previous transactions between the parties to a particular transaction that [which] is fairly to be regarded as establishing a common basis of understanding for interpreting their expressions and other conduct. (c) [(b)] A "usage of trade" is any practice or method of dealing having such regularity of observance in a place, vocation, or trade as to justify an expectation that it will be observed with respect to the transaction in question. The existence and scope of such a usage must [are to] be proved as facts. If it is established that such a usage is embodied in a [written] trade code or similar record, [writing] the interpretation of the record is a question of law [writing is for the court]. (d) [(c)] A course of performance or course of dealing between the parties or [and any] usage of trade in the vocation or trade in which they are engaged or of which they are or should be aware is relevant in ascertaining the meaning of the parties' agreement, may give particular meaning to specific terms of the agreement, and may supplement or qualify the terms of the [an] agreement. A usage of trade applicable in the place in which part of the performance under the agreement is to occur may be so utilized as to that part of the performance. (e) Except as otherwise provided in Subsection (f), the [(d) The] express terms of an agreement and any [an] applicable course of performance, course of dealing, or usage of trade must [shall] be construed whenever [wherever] reasonable as consistent with each other. If[; but when] such a construction is unreasonable: (1) express terms prevail over course of performance, [control both] course of dealing, and usage of trade; (2) course of performance prevails over course of dealing and usage of trade; and (3) course of dealing prevails over [controls] usage of trade. (f) Subject to Section 2.209, a course of performance is relevant to show a waiver or modification of any term inconsistent with the course of performance. (g) [(e) An applicable usage of trade in the place where any part of performance is to occur shall be used in interpreting the agreement as to that part of the performance. [(f)] Evidence of a relevant usage of trade offered by one party is not admissible unless that party [and until he] has given the other party [such] notice that [as] the court finds sufficient to prevent unfair surprise to the other party [latter]. Sec. 1.304. OBLIGATION OF GOOD FAITH. Every contract or duty within this title imposes an obligation of good faith in its performance and enforcement. Sec. 1.305. REMEDIES TO BE LIBERALLY ADMINISTERED. (a) The remedies provided by this title must be liberally administered to the end that the aggrieved party may be put in as good a position as if the other party had fully performed but neither consequential or special damages nor penal damages may be had except as specifically provided in this title or by other rule of law. (b) Any right or obligation declared by this title is enforceable by action unless the provision declaring it specifies a different and limited effect. Sec. 1.306. WAIVER OF RENUNCIATION OF CLAIM OR RIGHT AFTER BREACH. A claim or right arising out of an alleged breach may be discharged in whole or in part without consideration by agreement of the aggrieved party in an authenticated record. Sec. 1.307. PRIMA FACIE EVIDENCE BY THIRD-PARTY DOCUMENTS. A document in due form purporting to be a bill of lading, policy or certificate of insurance, official weigher's or inspector's certificate, consular invoice, or any other document authorized or required by the contract to be issued by a third party is prima facie evidence of its own authenticity and genuineness and of the facts stated in the document by the third party. Sec. 1.308 [1.206. STATUTE OF FRAUDS FOR KINDS OF PERSONAL PROPERTY NOT OTHERWISE COVERED. (a) Except in the cases described in Subsection (b) of this section a contract for the sale of personal property is not enforceable by way of action or defense beyond $5,000 in amount or value of remedy unless there is some writing which indicates that a contract for sale has been made between the parties at a defined or stated price, reasonably identifies the subject matter, and is signed by the party against whom enforcement is sought or by his authorized agent. [(b) Subsection (a) of this section does not apply to contracts for the sale of goods (Section 2.201) nor of securities (Section 8.113) nor to security agreements (Section 9.203). [Sec. 1.207]. PERFORMANCE OR ACCEPTANCE UNDER RESERVATION OF RIGHTS. (a) A party that [who,] with explicit reservation of rights[,] performs or promises performance or assents to performance in a manner demanded or offered by the other party does not thereby prejudice the rights reserved. Such words as "without prejudice,"[,] "under protest,"[,] or the like are sufficient. (b) Subsection (a) does not apply to an accord and satisfaction. Sec. 1.309 [1.208]. OPTION TO ACCELERATE AT WILL. A term providing that one party or that party's [his] successor in interest may accelerate payment or performance or require collateral or additional collateral "at will" or when the party "deems itself ["when he deems himself] insecure," or [in] words of similar import, means [shall be construed to mean] that the party has [he shall have] power to do so only if that party [he] in good faith believes that the prospect of payment or performance is impaired. The burden of establishing lack of good faith is on the party against which [whom] the power has been exercised. Sec. 1.310. SUBORDINATED OBLIGATIONS. An obligation may be issued as subordinated to performance of another obligation of the person obligated, or a creditor may subordinate its right to performance of an obligation by agreement with either the person obligated or another creditor of the person obligated. Subordination does not create a security interest as against either the common debtor or a subordinated creditor. SECTION 2. Section 2.103(a)(2), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (2) [Reserved.] ["Good faith" in the case of a merchant means honesty in fact and the observance of reasonable commercial standards of fair dealing in the trade.] SECTION 3. Section 2.202, Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: Sec. 2.202. FINAL WRITTEN EXPRESSION: PAROL OR EXTRINSIC EVIDENCE. Terms with respect to which the confirmatory memoranda of the parties agree or which are otherwise set forth in a writing intended by the parties as a final expression of their agreement with respect to such terms as are included therein may not be contradicted by evidence of any prior agreement or of a contemporaneous oral agreement but may be explained or supplemented (1) by course of performance, course of dealing, or usage of trade (Section 1.303 [1.205]) [or by course of performance (Section 2.208)]; and (2) by evidence of consistent additional terms unless the court finds the writing to have been intended also as a complete and exclusive statement of the terms of the agreement. SECTION 4. Section 2A.103(c), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (c) The following definitions in other chapters apply to this chapter: "Account". Section 9.102(a)(2). "Between merchants". Section 2.104(c). "Buyer". Section 2.103(a)(1). "Chattel paper". Section 9.102(a)(11). "Consumer goods". Section 9.102(a)(23). "Document". Section 9.102(a)(30). "Entrusting". Section 2.403(c). "General intangible". Section 9.102(a)(42). ["Good faith". Section 2.103(a)(2).] "Instrument". Section 9.102(a)(47). "Merchant". Section 2.104(a). "Mortgage". Section 9.102(a)(55). "Pursuant to commitment". Section 9.102(a)(69). "Receipt". Section 2.103(a)(3). "Sale". Section 2.106(a). "Sale on approval". Section 2.326. "Sale or return". Section 2.326. "Seller". Section 2.103(a)(4). SECTION 5. Section 2A.501(d), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (d) Except as otherwise provided by Section 1.305(a) [1.106(a)] or this chapter or the lease agreement, the rights and remedies referred to in Subsections (b) and (c) are cumulative. SECTION 6. Section 2A.518(b), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (b) Except as otherwise provided with respect to damages liquidated in the lease agreement (Section 2A.504) or otherwise determined pursuant to agreement of the parties (Sections 1.302 [1.102(c)] and 2A.503), if a lessee's cover is by a lease agreement substantially similar to the original lease agreement and the new lease agreement is made in good faith and in a commercially reasonable manner, the lessee may recover from the lessor as damages (1) the present value, as of the date of the commencement of the term of the new lease agreement, of the rent under the new lease agreement applicable to that period of the new lease term which is comparable to the then remaining term of the original lease agreement minus the present value as of the same date of the total rent for the then remaining lease term of the original lease agreement, and (2) any incidental or consequential damages, less expenses saved as a consequence of the lessor's default. SECTION 7. Section 2A.519(a), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (a) Except as otherwise provided with respect to damages liquidated in the lease agreement (Section 2A.504) or otherwise determined pursuant to agreement of the parties (Sections 1.302 [1.102(c)] and 2A.503), if a lessee elects not to cover or a lessee elects to cover and the cover is by lease agreement that for any reason does not qualify for treatment under Section 2A.518(b) or is by purchase or otherwise, the measure of damages for nondelivery or repudiation by the lessor or for rejection or revocation of acceptance by the lessee is the present value, as of the date of the default, of the then market rent minus the present value as of the same date of the original rent, computed for the remaining lease term of the original lease agreement, together with incidental and consequential damages, less expenses saved in consequence of the lessor's default. SECTION 8. Section 2A.527(b), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (b) Except as otherwise provided with respect to damages liquidated in the lease agreement (Section 2A.504) or otherwise determined pursuant to agreement of the parties (Sections 1.302 [1.102(c)] and 2A.503), if the disposition is by lease agreement substantially similar to the original lease agreement and the new lease agreement is made in good faith and in a commercially reasonable manner, the lessor may recover from the lessee as damages (1) accrued and unpaid rent as of the date of the commencement of the term of the new lease agreement, (2) the present value, as of the same date, of the total rent for the then remaining lease term of the original lease agreement minus the present value, as of the same date, of the rent under the new lease agreement applicable to that period of the new lease term which is comparable to the then remaining term of the original lease agreement, and (3) any incidental damages allowed under Section 2A.530, less expenses saved in consequence of the lessee's default. SECTION 9. Section 2A.528(a), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (a) Except as otherwise provided with respect to damages liquidated in the lease agreement (Section 2A.504) or otherwise determined pursuant to agreement of the parties (Sections 1.302 [1.102(c)] and 2A.503), if a lessor elects to retain the goods or a lessor elects to dispose of the goods and the disposition is by lease agreement that for any reason does not qualify for treatment under Section 2A.527(b) or is by sale or otherwise, the lessor may recover from the lessee as damages for a default of the type described in Section 2A.523(a) or (c)(1), or, if agreed, for other default of the lessee, (i) accrued and unpaid rent as of the date of default if the lessee has never taken possession of the goods, or, if the lessee has taken possession of the goods, as of the date the lessor repossesses the goods or an earlier date on which the lessee makes a tender of the goods to the lessor, (ii) the present value as of the date determined under clause (i) of the total rent for the then remaining lease term of the original lease agreement minus the present value as of the same date of the market rent at the place where the goods are located computed for the same lease term, and (iii) any incidental damages allowed under Section 2A.530, less expenses saved in consequence of the lessee's default. SECTION 10. Sections 3.103(a)(4) and (10), Business & Commerce Code, are amended to read as follows: (4) [Reserved.] ["Good faith" means honesty in fact and the observance of reasonable commercial standards of fair dealing.] (10) "Prove" with respect to a fact means to meet the burden of establishing the fact (Section 1.201(b)(8) [1.201(8)]). SECTION 11. Section 4.102(c), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (c) Notwithstanding Section 1.301 [1.105], the laws of this state govern a deposit contract between a bank and a consumer account holder if the branch or separate office of the bank that accepts the deposit contract is located in this state. For purposes of this subsection, "consumer account holder" means a natural person who holds a deposit account primarily for personal, family, or household purposes but does not include a natural person who holds an account for another in a professional capacity. SECTION 12. Section 4.104(c), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (c) The following definitions in other chapters apply to this chapter: "Acceptance" Section 3.409. "Alteration" Section 3.407. "Cashier's check" Section 3.104. "Certificate of deposit" Section 3.104. "Certified check" Section 3.409. "Check" Section 3.104. ["Good faith" Section 3.103.] "Holder in due course" Section 3.302. "Instrument" Section 3.104. "Notice of dishonor" Section 3.503. "Order" Section 3.103. "Ordinary care" Section 3.103. "Person entitled to enforce" Section 3.301. "Presentment" Section 3.501. "Promise" Section 3.103. "Prove" Section 3.103. "Teller's check" Section 3.104. "Unauthorized signature" Section 3.403. SECTION 13. Sections 4A.105(a)(6) and (7), Business & Commerce Code, are amended to read as follows: (6) [Reserved.] ["Good faith" means honesty in fact and the observance of reasonable commercial standards of fair dealing.] (7) "Prove" with respect to a fact means to meet the burden of establishing the fact (Section 1.201(b)(8) [1.201(8)]). SECTION 14. Section 4A.106(a), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (a) The time of receipt of a payment order or communication cancelling or amending a payment order is determined by the rules applicable to receipt of a notice stated in Section 1.202 [1.201]. A receiving bank may fix a cutoff time or times on a funds transfer business day for the receipt and processing of payment orders and communications cancelling or amending payment orders. Different cutoff times may apply to payment orders, cancellations, or amendments, or to different categories of payment orders, cancellations, or amendments. A cutoff time may apply to senders generally or different cutoff times may apply to different senders or categories of payment orders. If a payment order or communication cancelling or amending a payment order is received after the close of a funds transfer business day or after the appropriate cutoff time on a funds transfer business day, the receiving bank may treat the payment order or communication as received at the opening of the next funds transfer business day. SECTION 15. Section 4A.204(b), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (b) Reasonable time under Subsection (a) may be fixed by agreement as stated in Section 1.302(b) [1.204], but the obligation of a receiving bank to refund payment as stated in Subsection (a) may not otherwise be varied by agreement. SECTION 16. Section 4A.507(b), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (b) If the parties described by each subdivision of Subsection (a) have made an agreement selecting the law of a particular jurisdiction to govern rights and obligations between each other, the law of that jurisdiction governs those rights and obligations as to matters of construction and interpretation, whether or not the payment order or the funds transfer bears a reasonable relation to that jurisdiction, and as to validity, to the extent permitted by Section 1.301 [1.105] of this code. SECTION 17. Section 5.103(c), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (c) With the exception of this subsection, Subsections (a) and (d), Sections 5.102(a)(9) and (10), Section 5.106(d), Section 5.110(c), and Section 5.114(d) and except to the extent prohibited in Sections 1.302 [1.102(c)] and 5.117(d), the effect of this chapter may be varied by agreement or by a provision stated or incorporated by reference in an undertaking. A term in an agreement or undertaking generally excusing liability or generally limiting remedies for failure to perform obligations is not sufficient to vary obligations prescribed by this chapter. SECTION 18. Section 8.102(a)(10), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (10) [Reserved.] ["Good faith," for purposes of the obligation of good faith in the performance or enforcement of contracts or duties within this chapter, means honesty in fact and the observance of reasonable commercial standards of fair dealing.] SECTION 19. Section 9.102(a)(43), Business & Commerce Code, is amended to read as follows: (43) [Reserved.] ["Good faith" means honesty in fact and the observance of reasonable commercial standards of fair dealing.] SECTION 20. Sections 2.208 and 2A.207, Business & Commerce Code, are repealed. SECTION 21. This Act takes effect September 1, 2003. |
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Date: November 20th, 2004 4:22 PM Author: Talking charcoal round eye chad Subject: HERE CONSTITUTIONAL LAW I
FALL 2003
I. The Constitution of the United States 4 II. JUDICIAL REVIEW 5 III. The Equal Protection of the Laws 6 A. The Basic Structure of Equal Protection Review 6 1. Background and Early Decisions: Centrality of Race 6 Dred Scott v. Sanford (1857, p. 427) 6 From pp. 431-35 (Note 2 through end of 435) 7 Ho Ah Kow v. Nunan (9th Cir. 1879, AR) 7 2. Standards of Review: Mere Rationality and Heightened Scrutiny 8 Railway Express v. NY (1949, p. 484) 8 Williamson v. Lee Optical (1955, p. 485) 8 Minnesota v. Clover Leaf Creamery Co. (1981, p. 485) 8 Korematsu v. United States (1944, p. 501) 8 Loving v. Virginia (1967, p. 533) 8 Washington v. Davis (1976, p. 514) 8 From pp. 519-21 (Notes 1-2) 8 Village of Arlington Heights v. Metropolitan Housing Development Corp. (1977, p. 523) 8 Massachusetts Board of Retirement, et al. v. Murgia (1976, AR p. 6) 8 City of Cleburne v. Cleburne Living Center (1985, p. 488 & 679) 8 B. Separate But Equal Brown v. Board of Education 8 Plessy v. Ferguson (1896, p. 437) 8 Brown v. Board of Education (1954, p. 446) 8 C. Sex 8 From pp. 596-97 (Note 1) 8 Craig v. Boren (1976, p. 602) 8 Mississippi University for Women v. Hogan (1982, p. 609 paragraph 3 only) 8 J.E.B. v. Alabama ex rel. T.B. (1994, p. 619) 8 Michael M. v. Sonoma County Superior Court (1981, p. 621 Note 3b) 8 Nguyen v. Immigration and Naturalization Service (2001, Supplement p. 97) 8 D. Bush v. Gore 8 Bush v. Gore (2000, Supplement p. 3) 8 E. Affirmative Action 8 Adarand Constructors, Inc. v. Pena (1947, p. 574) 8 Grutter v. Bollinger (2003, Supplement p. 70) 8 Gratz v. Bollinger (2003, Supplement p. 91) 8 F. Homosexuality 8 Romer v. Evans (1996, p. 638) 8 IV. THE SEPARATION OF POWERS 8 A. The Allocation of Powers between the Federal Government and the States 8 1. Background 8 McCulloch v. Maryland (1819, p. 55) 8 2. The Commerce Power 8 Gibbons v. Ogden (1824, p. 143) 8 US v. E.C. Knight Co. (1895, p. 161) 8 Houston, East & West Texas Railway v. US (The Shreveport Rate Cases) (1914, p. 162) 8 Champion v. Ames (The Lottery Case) (1903, p. 164) 8 Hammer v. Dagenhart (The Child Labor Case) (1918, p. 147) 8 Carter v. Carter Coal Co. (1936, p. 169) 8 United States v. Darby (1941, p. 179) 8 Wickard v. Filburn (1942, p. 149) 8 Heart of Atlanta Motel v. United States (1964, p. 183) 8 Katzenbach v. McClung (1964, p. 184) 8 United States v. Lopez (1995, p. 186) 8 United States v. Morrison (2000, p. 197) 8 3. Section 5 of the Fourteenth Amendment and the Eleventh Amendment 8 General Question: Can Congress enforce a liberty that courts have not recognized? 8 Katzenbach v. Morgan (1966, p. 222) 8 City of Boerne v. Flores (1997, p. 226) 8 From p. 230-31 Note 8 Board of Trustees of the University of Alabama v. Garrett (2000, Supplement p. 37) 8 4. Unwritten states rights 8 Printz v. United States (1997, p. 248) 8 Reno v. Condon (2000, p. 251 Note 1) 8 B. Allocation of Powers within the Federal Government 8 1. The President as Lawmaker 8 United States v. Curtiss-Wright Corp. 8 Youngstown Sheet & Tube Co. v. Sawyer (1952) (page 336) 8 Introduction to The Two Modes of Separation of Powers Analysis 8 Clinton v. City of New York (1998) (page 368) 8 2. Congressional Delegation to and Vetoes of Administrative Agencies 8 Note: Nondelegation Doctrine and Quasi-Constitutional Statutes 8 INS v. Chadha 8 3. Appointment and Removal of Administrative Officers 8 The Two Modes of Separation of Powers Analysis (Reloaded) 8 Myers v. United States 8 Humphreys Executor v. United States 8 Bowsher v. Synar 8 Morrison v. Olson 8 Mistretta v. United States 8 Rust v. Sullivan 8 Summary, and Separation of Powers According to Jed 8 4. Enemy Combatants 8 Padilla v. Bush 8 Hamdi v. Rumsfeld 8 Hamdi v. Rumsfeld II 8 Al Odah v. United States 8 The Slaughter-House Cases 8 B. Substantive Due Process: The Lochner Era 8 Dred Scott v. Sanford (1857) 8 Munn v. Illinois (1877) 8 Railroad Commission Cases (1886) 8 Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad (1886) 8 Mugler v. Kansas (1887) 8 The Minnesota Rate Case (1890) 8 Allgeyer v. Louisiana (1897) 8 Lochner v. New York 198 U.S. 45 (1905) (page 713) 8 Note: The Lochner Era (1905-1934) & Nebbia, West Coast Hotel 8 Muller v. Oregon (1908) 8 Bunting v. Oregon (1917) 8 Adair v. United States (1908) 8 Adkins v. Childrens Hospital (1923) 8 Williams v Standard, Ribnik v. McBride, Tyson & Brother v. Banton 8 New State Ice Co. v. Liebmann (1932) 8 Nebbia v. New York (1934) (page 725) The end of Lochner 8 West Coast Hotel Co. v. Parrish (1937) (page 727) 8 Williamson v. Lee Optical of Oklahoma (1955) (page 731) 8 Ferguson v. Skrupa (1963) (page 731) 8 C. The Incorporation Controversy 8 Barron v. Mayor & City Council of Baltimore (1833) p. 702 8 Murray v. Hoboken Land & Improvement Co (1956) Page 703 8 Twining v. New Jersey (1908) page 704 8 Palko v. Connecticut (1937) p. 704 8 Adamson v. California (1947) p. 705 8 Duncan v. Louisiana (1968) page 707 8 VI. Unenumerated Rights Modern Developments 8 A. The Right of Privacy 8 1. Antecedents of Roe 8 Meyer v. Nebraska 8 Pierce v. Society of Sisters 8 Griswold v. Connecticut 8 Skinner v. Oklahoma 8 Eisenstadt v. Baird 8 2. Abortion 8 Roe v. Wade 8 Planned Parenthood of Southeastern Pennsylvania v. Casey 8 Stenberg v. Carhart 8 From Jed Rubenfeld. The Right of Privacy. 102 Harv.L.Rev. 737 (1989) 8 Unenumerated Rights and the Ninth Amendment 8 3. Homosexuality 8 Bowers v. Hardwick 8 Lawrence v. Texas 8 4. Other Applications 8 Moore v. City of East Cleveland 8 Zablocki v. Redhail 8 Boddie v. Connecticut 8 Roberts v. Jaycees 8 Washington v. Glucksberg 8 Troxel v. Granville 8 VI. Unenumerated Rights Modern Developments 8 B. The Right to Travel 8 C. Positive Rights Minimum Entitlements 8 VII. The Freedom of Speech 8 A. Introduction: speech and conduct 8 B. Dangerous speech 8 C. Content-Neutrality, the Public Forum, and Time, Place and Manner Regulations 8 D. Unprotected Speech 8 1. Overview and Libel 8 CLASS NOTES ON FREEDOM OF SPEECH: 8 Rubenfeld on 1st Amendment tests: 8 Relationship between OBrien Test and Time Place and Manner Test 8 2. Indecency, Pornography, Obscenity 8 3. Fighting Words/ Hate Speech 8 E. The Freedom of Expressive Association 8 F. Equalizing Political Speech 8 G. Subsidies, Penalties, and Government Speech 8 VIII. STATE ACTION 8 A. Background 8 B. Judicial Intervention 8 C. Entanglement 8 D. Public Function 8 Marsh v. Alabama (1946, p. 1544) 8 Note 3(a), p. 1547 8 IX. RELIGION 8 A. Background 8 B. Free Exercise 8 C. Establishment 8 The School Prayer Cases (p. 1450 Note 3) 8 Content of viewpoint-based discrimination (p. 1497 Note 1) 8 X. THE JUST COMPENSATION CLAUSE 8 A. The Public Use Requirement 8 B. Determining whether a taking has occurred 8
(Vijay) I. The Constitution of the United States
Introduction Constitutional Law applies in all jurisdictions Binds governmental (state) actors; does not bind private actors o Exceptions: two clauses which apply to private as well as governmental actors 1) Article (Art) IV, Section (Sec) 2, Clause (Cl) 3: Fugitive Slave Clause. Slaves must be returned to their owners, even if they had escaped to a state without slavery 2) 13th Amendment (Am): Abolition of slavery 3) 18th Am: Prohibition
Other Restraints on Governmental Actors Powers: Grants explicit power (original Con strategy to restrain Congress), limiting power that is granted o Congress (Art I, Sec. A). When it acts, two questions are asked:  Was it within Congresss granted powers?  Does it violate someones rights?  14th Am: made Bill of Rights applicable to all States o 10th Am makes the point that powers not delegated to the US are reserved for the States or the people Rights: Protection of specific rights (9th Am make the point that not all rights must be enumerated) o Roe v Wade: Right to privacy, no explicitly granted right to privacy in the Con o Note: Con has no State of Emergency Clause or National Security override
Important Points on the Constitution The Exceptions Clause Art 3, Sec 2, Clause 2: Says that Congress can change the breadth of the Supreme Courts appellate jurisdiction does not apply to the Supreme Courts original jurisdiction (but Congress can put something in the SCs original jurisdiction into its appellate jurisdiction) The Supremacy Clause Art 6, Sec 2: The Constitution, the laws that further it, and treaties of the U.S. are the supreme law of the land (contrary state laws will not prevail) The Equal Protection Clause 14th Am, Sec 1: Requires states to treat equally all similarly situated classes of people Due Process Clause 5th Am: SC has used this clause to declare that the federal government must abide by the equal protection measures spelled out in the 14th Amendment Due Process Clause 14th Am: Used to partially incorporate some of the Bill of Rights (see below) The Necessary and Proper Clause Art 1, Sec 8, Cl 18: Very important to the McCulloch decision Commerce Clause Art 1, Sec 8, Cl 3: Congress has power to regulate interstate commerce and trade with other nations The Due Process Clause has also been utilized to recognize unenumerated rights, like privacy (Roe v. Wade) Important: Which of the first 8 amendments in the Bill of Rights are not incorporated into the 14th Am Due Process Clause and thus not made to apply to the states specifically? Answer: Using the selective incorporation doctrine, the Court has incorporated every amendment save these four: 2nd Am, 3rd Am, 5th Am requirement of grand jury indictment, and the 7th Am.
II. JUDICIAL REVIEW
Marbury v. Madison (1803, p. 22) Facts: In the last days of his Presidency, Adams appointed justices whom the Senate confirmed but whose commissions had not been delivered by the time Adams left office. Jefferson succeeded Adams and refused to deliver Marburys commission. Marbury sought a writ of mandamus to compel Madison, Jeffersons Secretary of State, to deliver the commissions. Issue/Holding: Does the Supreme Court (SC) have power, under Judiciary Act of 1789 (JA 1789) (bottom p. 26), to issue a writ of mandamus (court order forcing someone to do something)? Yes. Reasoning/Major Points: Marbury has a right to the delivery of his commission. He was appointed by Adams to a position that is not removable at will by the executive. He is therefore entitled to all evidences of offices that pertain to this position. Since Marbury has a right, he has a remedy. Marshall states that the very essence of civil liberty certainly consists in the right of every individual to claim the protection of the laws, whenever he receives an injury. Further, he holds that this is a government of laws, and not of men. Marshall establishes the right to judicial review, meaning that the courts have the power to interpret the Con and that the other branches of government are bound by this interpretation. Marshall does not primarily use the text of the Con, which addresses the judiciary (Art III and Art VI) to establish judicial review. To do so would be circular: these are the very things that are being called into question. Marshall turns to these 4 propositions: 1) The fact of a written constitution. Inherent within written cons is that they are the paramount law of the land. The law established by the legislature is binding only in so far as it conforms to the con. It is the emphatically the province and duty of the judicial department to say what the law is. This is the very essence of judicial duty. [Note: this justification does not answer why the JUDICIARY has the power to say what is binding as constitutional on the national government. It just posits that this is the essence of judicial duty.] 2) The judicial power is granted to all cases arising under the con. This must mean that the judiciary must look into the con, all parts of it, to determine the validity of the law. 3) Judges take an oath to support the Con. 4) The Supremacy Clause: the Con is the supreme law of the land. Political Question Doctrine: The courts do not have jurisdiction over questions that are merely political or discretionary. They have jurisdiction over questions concerning the rights of individuals. The jurisdiction of the SC is confined to its original and appellate jurisdiction as laid out in Article III. [The Congress does have exceptional power to add to the appellate jurisdiction, see below]. Courts are given the power to issue writs of mandamus to a Secretary of State as stated in JA 1789 creating the judicial courts: the US authorizes the supreme court to issue writs of mandamus to any courts appointed, or persons holding, office, under the authority of the US [this power will be shown to be unconstitutional]. Courts do not have power to inquire how the executive or executive officers, perform duties in which they have discretion. Marshall insists that the Court has no jurisdiction over purely political questions that are a part of the inner workings of the executive office. While the Supreme Court was granted the power to issue writs of mandamus by the JA 1789, it does not have jurisdiction over this issue. Issuing a writ is not within the original jurisdiction of the SC which is given in all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls, and those in which a state shall be a party. Marshall then insists that b/c issuing this writ is like delivering the original commission there is no appellate review involved. Without original or appellate powers, the Court here has no jurisdiction. Congress does not have the authority to grant original jurisdiction where there is appellate and vice versa. Power granted to SC by JA 1789 to grant writs of mandamus is unconstitutional. The Court has the authority to hold that a legislative act is unconstitutional and the legislature must be bound by these judgments in its duties: judicial review is the province of the courts.
NOTE: Marbury has been overruled insofar as it suggests that Congress cant give lower courts jurisdiction over cases that fall within the original jurisdiction (OJ) of the SC. The opposite doesnt apply: SCs OJ cannot be added to. Further, congressional power to make exceptions means that Congress can change scope of appellate jurisdiction.
III. The Equal Protection of the Laws A. The Basic Structure of Equal Protection Review
1. Background and Early Decisions: Centrality of Race
Dred Scott v. Sanford (1857, p. 427) Facts: Scotts former owner took him from MO to IL then to MN (part of LA Territory). He returned to MO, where Scott was sold as slave to Sandford (from NY). Slavery is legal in MO, but illegal in IL (by state constitution) and MN (by federal statute outlawing slavery in LA territory as provision of the MO Compromise). Scott claims he is a free man and citizen of MO, brings suit in federal court based on diversity of citizenship. Issues/Holding: Was Scott a citizen of Missouri for diversity purposes? No. Did Scott remain a slave after sojourn to the LA Territory and IL? Yes. Reasoning/Major Points: Scott is NOT a citizen of MO for diversity jurisdiction purposes, thus federal court lacks jurisdiction. o The framers never intended to confer federal citizenship upon blacks: they thought that blacks were inferior and were rightly enslaved. o Just because a state confers citizenship upon a person, does not mean he is vested with the privileges of federal citizenship that are the predicate of diversity jurisdiction. Scott was therefore NOT made free by residence in IL or MN. Due process: Cant justify taking someones property when they havent committed a crime. o The MO Compromise is unconstitutional insofar as it prohibits slavery in the LA territory. o The right to property in a slave is granted by the Constitution and the Compromise cannot abrogate this right. JRs comments: First part of the opinion classic originalist rhetoric. Court says that it is not the Courts job to say whether laws are good or bad but to enforce the law as intended. The role of the Court is not to pronounce on the justness of the Con, just to interpret it. **14th Am specifically overrules Dred Scott: equal protection laws refer not just to citizens but persons.
From pp. 431-35 (Note 2 through end of 435) Slaughterhouse Cases (1873, p. 433): Rejected equal protection attack on LA statute granting to a single company the exclusive right to slaughter livestock, reasoning that it was the job of the States rather than the federal government to protect civil rights generally, and that the one pervading purpose of the 14th Amendment was the freedom of the slave race and the protection of the newly-made freeman from the oppressions of those who had formerly exercised unlimited dominion over him. Strauder v. West Virginia (1879, p. 434): Struck down murder conviction of black man tried before a jury from which blacks were excluded. Strauder stands only for the proposition that statutory discrimination which deprives blacks of enjoyment of their rights is unconstitutional; it does not maintain that the state cannot draw distinctions among citizens based on gender, land ownership, age, education, etc. United States v. Cruikshank (1875, p. 434): Following an election dispute, 60 freedmen were killed and mutilated. 3 of 97 defendants were convicted under the 1870 Enforcement Act, passed to enforce the 14th Am. The Court reversed all three convictions, holding that the 1870 Act did not apply to the actions of private individuals. The Civil Rights Cases (1883, p. 435): Denied that the 13th and 14th Amendments empowered Congress to prohibit private discrimination in public accommodations.
Ho Ah Kow v. Nunan (9th Cir. 1879, AR) Facts: HAK convicted under state statute and sent to prison, where his queue is cut off. Ordinance that states that male prisoners, for sanitary reasons, must have their hair cut to within one inch of their scalp. HAK challenges this as cruel and unusual punishment, arguing ordinance targeted Chinese in particular. Issue/Holding: Is the Queue Ordinance constitutional? No. Reasoning/Major Points: Law exceeds the authority of the Board of Supervisors. The legislature did not authorize them to add to the fine imposed by the court or the right to change and add punishments. Equal Protection (EP) analysis: Structure used in this case is EP doctrine today, seems to be rudimentary strict scrutiny analysis. o Even though this legislation is neutral on its face it is clear to everyone that this law was created to target Chinese people, to single them out, and try to coerce them into compliance. o Law was INTENDED to hurt Chinese people in particular in an invidious way. o Can look to statements of supervisors (for all intents and purposes here akin to legislators) for the meaning of certain terms used, but the court cannot shut its eyes to the obvious and known purpose of this legislation. When we take our seats on the bench we are not struck with blindness o The justification given for the law (to urge Chinese people into compliance with housing statutes) is invalid because it seeks enforcement through a method akin to torture. Thus, the ordinance violated the 14th Am.
2. Standards of Review: Mere Rationality and Heightened Scrutiny
Rational Basis (RB) Review TEST: In the absence of interference with a fundamental constitutional right in relation to a suspect class, a law must be REASONABLY or RATIONALLY related to a legitimate state interest to pass Con muster (very difficult to fail this test).
Cases: Railway Express v. NY (1949, p. 484) Facts/Issue/Holding: NY traffic regulation which prohibited advertising vehicles but which permitted placing on a truck business notices relating to the business of the trucks owner was ruled constitutional. Deference is given to legislatures in discerning a rational relationship between classifications and the goals of the statute. Reasoning/Major Points: When not dealing with a suspect class deference given to local authorities (municipal govt., state legislature) in how they view the fulfillment of the laws goals through the classifications they set up. Assumes some rational relationship between these classifications and goals of statute. o Court defers to Citys assessment that distinctions set up by ordinance further aim of eliminating pedestrian distraction. o It is no requirement of equal protection that all evils of the same genus be eradicated or nothing at all. Concurrence: Maintains there is no rational difference between the classifications of statute in relation to statutes goals, but maintains that discrimination constitutional because statute distinguishes between groups who contribute to the evil out of their own self-interest (constitutional) and groups who do so for hire (unconstitutional).
Williamson v. Lee Optical (1955, p. 485) Facts/Issue/Holding: OK law made it unlawful for anyone not optometrist or ophthalmologists to fit lenses. Statute specifically exempted ready-to-wear sellers. In effect, statute prevented opticians from fitting old glasses into new frames. Court held did not violate EP clause. Reasoning/Major Points: EP clause extends ONLY to invidious discrimination. In cases where invidious discrimination not apparent, legislatures may take steps to eliminate some evils but not all without violating the EP clause. Legislature may have felt that the ready-to-wear branch did not pose as great a problem as the other branches.
Minnesota v. Clover Leaf Creamery Co. (1981, p. 485) Facts/Issue/Holding: MN law banned milk sales in plastic non-returnable bottles, but permitted non-returnable paperboard containers. Court upholds law as constitutional. Reasoning/Major Points: The Court assumes that objectives articulated by legislature are the actual objectives of statute (exceptional circumstances may force Court to alter this assumption). Proof that legislature was MISTAKEN in creating classifications to serve a state goal does NOT show that the classifications are not rationally related to the furtherance of a state goal. o If issue was at least debatable to legislature creating the statute, evidence showing classification is not rational will not prevail. o States do not have to convince Court of correctness of legislative judgments. Even if shown that statute does not fulfill the objectives intended to fulfill, still cannot be used as proof of statutes irrationality for rational basis review.
Strict Scrutiny (SS) TEST: Law must be narrowly tailored to further a compelling state interest Use heightened means of scrutiny to smoke out underlying irrational prejudice If over- or under-inclusive, law gets struck down. Virtually impossible to pass strict scrutiny due to the narrow requirement, law rarely so well tailored
JRs two modes of analyzing state actions under SS: 1) Justificatory. Balance state interest with harm to the individuals involved. In the case of racial profiling, provide evidence on how well it stops crime. Cost/benefit analysis, balancing of interests. 2) Purposivist (very different). What were the reasons behind the state legislation or objectives behind the action? Some state interests are illegitimate to pursue no matter what the cost/benefit.
Cases: Korematsu v. United States (1944, p. 501) Facts/Issue/Holding: Korematsu, Japanese-American citizen refuses to leave his home for internment camp during WWII. Executive Order 9066, issued by military commander, required all persons of Japanese descentincluding U.S. citizensto report to Assembly Centers. Court upholds the order, saying it was based on a public necessity rather than racial antagonism. Reasoning/Major Points: Laws curtailing civil rights of single racial group are immediately suspect and warrant SS, but this does not mean laws that facially discriminate are automatically unconstitutional. (Today, Korematsu stands for proposition that laws that are facially racially discriminatory almost always unjust and unconstitutional (see p. 505 Note).) Pressing public necessity can justify racially discriminatory laws if shown to have a definite and close relationship to a state aim. o Deference given to the military authorities in their determination of what is necessary in this instance. o Important to the majority that Korematsu was not excluded because of hatred of him or his race. Rather, he was excluded because of military necessity. Dissent: When dealing with a military order we can use rational basis test instead of SS. Even so, however, there is no rational basis for confining ALL Japanese people because some may be disloyal.
Loving v. Virginia (1967, p. 533) Facts: Interracial couple convicted under a Virginia statute making it a felony for any white person to marry any "colored" person, or for any "colored" person to marry any white person. Issue/Holding: Does a state statute preventing marriages between persons solely on the basis of racial classifications violate the EP and Due Process clauses of 14th Am? Yes. Reasoning/Major Points: State defended statute because it punished both members of an interracial couple equally, and thus did not use racial classifications to make invidious discrimination in furtherance of its "legitimate" state purpose. Court held that "equal application" of a statute containing racial classifications does not remove the classifications from 14th Am's proscription of invidious racial discrimination. o First time Court says that the purpose of the law was racist, making it unconstitutional o White supremacy is at issue, holding does not necessarily turn on the effect. Court uses strict scrutiny to smoke out the purpose. EP clause requires consideration of whether such classifications constitute arbitrary and invidious discrimination. o Racial classifications in a statute must be shown to be necessary to some permissible state objective, independent of the racial discrimination. o Statute patently has no legitimate overriding purpose independent of invidious racial discrimination, as shown by the fact that it barred only interracial marriages involving whites, not, for instance, those between African-Americans and Asians.
Washington v. Davis (1976, p. 514) Facts: Unsuccessful African-American applicants to D.C. police force claimed that verbal skills test unconstitutionally discriminated against them because a higher percentage of African-Americans than of white Americans failed the test. They claimed that there was no evidence establishing the test's accuracy in measuring subsequent job performance, but NOT that the test constituted "intentional" or "purposeful" discrimination against them. Issue/Holding: Is a law or other official act is unconstitutional solely because it has a racially disproportionate impact? No. Reasoning/Major Points: Court holds that 1) there is a rational basis for test; and 2) there was no invidious purpose in administration The invidious quality of a law claimed to be racially discriminatory must be traced to a racially discriminatory purpose. This is not to say that the necessary discriminatory racial purpose must be express or appear on the face of the statute (J. Stevens's concurring opinion elaborates on this). An invidious discriminatory purpose may often be inferred from the totality of the relevant facts. o Nevertheless, the Court has not held that a law, neutral on its face and serving ends otherwise within the power of government to pursue, is invalid under the EP clause simply because it may affect a greater proportion of one race than of another. o Disproportionate impact is not irrelevant, but it is not the sole touchstone of an invidious racial discrimination forbidden by the Con. JRs comments: Dont conflate concepts of rationality and discrimination. Discrimination can be perfectly rational o Instrumental rationality depends on preferences; must start somewhere. Preferences provide the basis for judgment on rationality of actions o Impact can be evidence of purpose, but then that has to be the claim and plaintiff must convince that it is true Shows that modern EP doctrine is purposivist in its sense Many people think that EP law went fundamentally wrong with Washington v. Davis with the requirement that invidious purpose be shown
From pp. 519-21 (Notes 1-2) What about if disproportionate racial impact is intentional? Yick Wo v. Hopkins (1886, p. 519): Overturned conviction of Chinese man for operating laundry without a permit when it was shown that the permit statute was applied in a discriminatory manner: each of over 200 applications by Chinese nationals was rejected, while all but one application by non-Chinese were accepted. Gomillion v. Lightfoot (1960, p. 521) AL statute altered shape of Tuskegee in a manner which excluded all but 4 or 5 of the 500 black voters while not removing a single white voter. Court held that if these allegations were proved, the statute infringed on the right of blacks to vote in violation of the 15th Am.
Village of Arlington Heights v. Metropolitan Housing Development Corp. (1977, p. 523) Facts: Metropolitan applied for re-zoning of land to permit construction of low- and moderate-income housing. Village denied the request; Metropolitan sued, claiming denial was racially discriminatory in violation of the EP clause. Issue: On what basis can official action be deemed to be motivated by invidious discriminatory purpose? (Opinion as excerpted in the CB is about evidence.) Reasoning/Major Points: Determining whether invidious discriminatory purpose was a motivating factor demands a sensitive inquiry into such circumstantial and direct evidence of intent as may be available. Impact is one possibility, especially if a clear pattern emerges which is unexplainable on grounds other than race. Historical background, including departures from the normal procedural sequence and substantive departures, is one evidentiary source; the legislative or administrative history another. J. Powell places the burden of proving discriminatory purpose on the original plaintiff (here, respondent, Metropolitan), and says that it failed to carry this burden.
Massachusetts Board of Retirement, et al. v. Murgia (1976, AR p. 6) Facts: Former Massachusetts State Police officer, who retired at age 50 as required by state statuted, sued on the ground that the statute violated the EP clause of 14th Am. Issue/Holding: Does a state statute requiring the retirement of uniformed state police officer upon attaining the age of fifty denies the officer EP of the laws in violation of 14th Am? No. Reasoning/Major Points: 3-Judge District Court held that the compulsory retirement provision did not pass the rational basis test. Supreme Court agrees that rationality, rather than SS, is the correct test, but disagrees that the provision is not rationally related to furthering a legitimate state interest. o SS is the proper test only when a legislative classification interferes with a fundamental right or operates to the peculiar disadvantage of a suspect class. o Right of governmental employment is not fundamental, and uniformed state police officers over 50 do not constitute a suspect class. o A suspect class is one "saddled with such disabilities, or subjected to such a history of purposeful unequal treatment, or relegated to such a position of political powerlessness as to command extraordinary protection from the majoritarian political process." Decision to apply rational basis test reflects Court's awareness that drawing lines that create distinctions is peculiarly a legislative task and an unavoidable one. o Perfection in making the necessary classifications is neither possible nor necessary. o State choosing not to determine fitness more precisely through individualized testing after age 50 only means that perhaps the State has not chosen best methods to accomplish its purpose. Does not mean that objective of assuring physical fitness is not rationally furthered by maximum-age limitation.
City of Cleburne v. Cleburne Living Center (1985, p. 488 & 679) Facts: Texas city denied special use permit for operation of group home for the mentally retarded, pursuant to municipal zoning ordinance requiring permits for such homes. Ordinance permitted a wide variety of operations, including hospitals, sanitariums, nursing homes, and homes for convalescents or aged, on the site without a special permit, but required special permits for homes for the insane, feeble-minded, alcoholics or drug addicts. City Council objected to the use of the location for home for the retarded because: nearby property owners were opposed; facility was across the street from a junior high school whose students might harass the retarded residents; and home was located on a flood plain. Issue/Holding: Does ordinance violate EP clause? Yes. Also, on what basis should an ordinance discriminating against the mentally retarded be reviewed to ensure equal protection? Reasoning/Major Points: Court holds that the lower court erred in treating the retarded as a "quasi-suspect class", which demanded "middle level scrutiny" of the law. Court does not really make a policy decision regarding the retarded, because it can, on narrower grounds, make a decision using rational basis test. Court held that mere negative attitudes, or fear, unsubstantiated by factors which are properly cognizable in a zoning proceeding are not permissible bases for treating a home for the mentally retarded differently from other uses of the property. Concern for a flood does not distinguish the use for a home for the retarded from other uses, which do not require the special permit. Court thus finds reason to believe that requiring the special permit for the home for the mentally retarded rests on an irrational prejudice against the mentally retarded and thus constitutes invidious discrimination. JRs comments: This is an unusual rational review case because the Court performs under/over-breadth analysis associated with SS. Questioned use of irrational prejudicethe concept of rationality may not deliver the right concept of discrimination that the 14th Am opposes; 14th Am not about rationality Can we subject emotions to rationality tests? o Some people say no, rationality and emotion are mutually exclusive o Preferences are the basis for decisions on rationality Court has been extremely reluctant to recognize other suspect classes. Why? Why did the court not classify handicapped as suspect class under strict scrutiny doctrine?
B. Separate But Equal Brown v. Board of Education
Plessy v. Ferguson (1896, p. 437) Facts: Louisiana statute required railroad companies to provide "equal but separate accommodations for the white and colored races." Plessy, who claimed to be 7/8 Caucasian, was prosecuted when he failed to leave the coach reserved for whites. Issue/Holding: Do racially segregated accommodations on railroad cars constitute a violation under 13th and 14th Ams? No. Reasoning/Major Points: Court distinguishes 14th Am's goal of enforcing absolute political equality of the two races from what it would see as enforcing absolute social equality. o If civil and political rights of both races are equal, one cannot be inferior to the other civilly or politically. o If one race be inferior to the other socially, Con cannot put them upon the same plane. Court holds that laws permitting, and even requiring, the separation of the two races, do not necessarily imply the inferiority of either race to the other. Underlying fallacy of Plessy's argument is that the enforced separation of the two races stamps the colored race with a badge of inferiorityif this is so it is solely because the colored race chooses to put that construction upon it. Court says every exercise of the state's police power must be reasonable, and extend only to such laws as are enacted in good faith for the promotion of the public good, and not for the annoyance or oppression of a particular class. In determining reasonableness, the legislature is at liberty to act with reference to the established usages, customs, and traditions of the people (thus, in a circular fashion, using the status quo to justify itself). J. Harlans dissent notes the purpose behind the law, namely to exclude colored people from coaches occupied by or assigned to white persons. States that decision will encourage belief that it is possible, by means of state enactments, to defeat the beneficent purposes of the recent amendments to the Con. Did the court apply SS? No, not as would be recognizable by contemporary doctrine o Employs standard of reasonableness. Reasonable because separate does not necessarily mean superior/inferior o Holding on the effect of the statute and denies race based purpose of the law
Brown v. Board of Education (1954, p. 446) Facts: Legal representatives of African-Americans sought admission for them to public schools in their community on racially non-segregated basis. In each instance, blacks were denied admission to schools attended by white children under laws requiring or permitting racial segregation. Issue/Holding: Does segregation of children in public schools solely on the basis of race, even though the physical facilities and other "tangible" factors may be equal, deprive the children of the minority group of equal educational opportunities, in violation of the EP clause of 14th Am? Yes. Reasoning/Major Points: Court argues against originalist interpretation of 14th Am, because: o What members of Congress and state legislatures who were neither avid proponents nor opponents had in mind cannot be determined with any degree of certainty; and o What anyone in 1868 would have thought of public education in light of 14th Am is irrelevant to modern conditions given the enormous changes in the status and extent of public education. Court says that public education is perhaps the most important function of state and local governments, and it is doubtful that any child may reasonably be expected to succeed in life if he is denied the opportunity of an education. Court relies on Kansas lower court's finding that "segregation of white and colored children in public schools has a detrimental effect upon the colored children. The impact is greater when it has the sanction of the law; for the policy of separating the races is usually interpreted as denoting the inferiority of the negro group," even though lower court ruled against black plaintiffs. Finding serves as evidence enabling the Court to hold that "separate educational facilities are inherently unequal." Court does not use SS doctrinal structure, even though case after Korematsu o Facilities are not at question here, even though in practice the facilities were actually unequal o Holding on effect of statute. Separation has deleterious effect on children. Purposivist not justificatory, which doesnt square with subsequent decisions.
Equal Protection Doctrine Review Question: What is the appropriate standard of review? 1) Strict Scrutiny Triggered when state action: i) Interferes with a constitutional or fundamental right; or ii) Places a "suspect class" at a disadvantage with respect to the enjoyment of a constitutional or a fundamental right. Test: Is the law narrowly-tailored and necessary to the furtherance of a compelling state interest? Test triggers an over/under-breadth analysis that most laws cannot pass. "Suspect class" applies to groups who have suffered from "discrimination" in the ordinary pejorative-political sense of the word. The group must be "discrete and insular," the victim of a "history of purposeful and unequal treatment," or so despised that its ability to assert its interests through coalition building is fatally undermined. 2) Rational Basis Triggered in all other cases when legislation or governmental action discriminates against non-suspect class, with exception for sex/gender discrimination, which requires intermediate scrutiny. Test: Is law rationally related to a legitimate state interest? State only has to show that the discrimination was made in the furtherance of a legitimate state purpose; it does not have to show that the law is the best, most efficient way to achieve that purpose. JRs comments: Everything depends on the standard of review chosen: o If Court applies SS it has in a sense already decided that there is something wrong with the governmental action; o If chooses RB it will most likely uphold the action. Big difference between the two tests is whether over-breadth counts against you--it does in SS, but not in RB. There are a few cases where laws were upheld under SS (Korematsu) and struck down under RB review (Cleburne) Traditional view is that SS applies when the classification impermissibly interferes with the exercise of a fundamental right or operates to the peculiar disadvantage of a suspect class. S. Ant. School Dist. v. Rodriguez (1973). o Fundamental rights prong is rarely invoked, since most fundamental rights are provided constitutional protection independent of equal protection clause o Suspect classes: race, color, but NOT age (Murgia), poverty (Maher), gender nor sexual orientation. o Religious groups: Court has never decided the issue of whether religious groups are a suspect class. Circuit courts have held that religious groups are a suspect class. Today SS applies to any racial classification subjecting [a] person to unequal treatment Adarand v. Pena (1995, p. 574). Generally applied when Court thinks there was ulterior motive behind enactment and wants to smoke out prejudicial motives behind a putatively rational law. Doctrinal apparatus is imperfect, as Cleburne shows. Court is not in fact applying a RB test, but doing the under/overbreadth analysis associated with SS. However, if the Court were to hold the mentally retarded as a "suspect class," then every law regarding them would be subject to SS, including Special Ed. programs. Washington shows that disparate impact is not enough by itself to raise the presumption of discriminatory purpose. In order for state action to be found unconstitutional under the EP clause, it must be motivated by purposeful invidious discrimination. Burden of proof on plaintiff to show discriminatory purpose. o "Purposeful" is the basis of Harlan's dissent in Plessy and the majority's reversal in Loving; also the problem that Washington plaintiffs ran up against. o "Invidious" is basis for the "Suspect Class" Doctrine, which, taking the treatment of African-Americans in the US as the paradigm, is based on rooting out the subordination of a minority group to the majority, the reduction of that group to a socially inferior caste which can be exploited, "instrumentalized" for the "superior" group's benefit. (On this basis, JR contends you can distinguish between "separate but equal" bathrooms for the sexes as opposed to the races.) o "Impact" does not count in itself, though is central to Warren's reasoning in Brown. But there impact was evidence of the invidiousness of purpose.
C. Sex
Intermediate Scrutiny **Only applies to gender/sex discrimination TEST: Law must serve important governmental objectives and must be substantially related to achievement of those objectives. Craig v. Boren. See also U.S. v. Virginia (VMI case) requiring exceedingly persuasive justification.
From pp. 596-97 (Note 1) Early cases decided against the backdrop of The Slaughter-House Cases: Bradwell v. Illinois (1873, p. 596): Right to practice law was not a privilege or immunity of national citizenship, therefore not protected by the 14th Am, women could be denied license to practice law. Minor v. Happersett (1894, p. 597): Right to vote was not a privilege of citizenship, therefore women could be denied the franchise. Muller v. Oregon (1908, p. 597): Constitutional to prohibit the employment of women in factories for more than ten hours a day, distinguishes Lochner v. New York because inherent difference between the two sexes justified limitations on womans right to contract, in conflict with Adkins v. Childrens Hospital (1923, p. 597). Goesaret v. Cleary (1948, p. 597): Constitutional to prohibit a woman from working as a bartender (MI statute), court found no equal protection claim. Quong Wing v. Kirkendall (1912, p. 597): Upheld as rational a jury selection system excluding women who did not affirmatively indicate a desire to serve, because of the special place a woman has in the home. Reed v. Reed (1971, never discussed in class or assigned, yet cited in these cases, p. 598): Statute preferring men to women as administers of intestate estates overturned using SS. First SC decision to invalidate a gender classification under the EP Clause.
Craig v. Boren (1976, p. 602) Facts: OK statute prohibited the sale of non-alcoholic beer to males under the age of 21, but to females under the age of 18. Issue/Holding: Is a denial of males 18-20 years of age of the equal protection of the laws a violation of the 14th Am? Yes. Reasoning/Major Points: Not a sufficient correlation between the males and the subject of drinking. Overrules Goesaret in any portions of the opinion that may be inconsistent. Interprets Reed to be saying that gender-based difference must be substantially related to achievement of the statutory objective, and is trying to follow Reed Does not distinguish between discrimination against men verses discrimination against women Establishes Intermediate Scrutiny: Any gender-based classification must be substantially related to important governmental objectives (but not explicitly announced in the opinion) JRs comments: Believes Craig is wrongly decided because the purpose of the test of intermediate scrutiny with regard to gender is to smoke out invidious discrimination against women on the basis of gender. Agrees with Rehnquist in his dissent, who apparently would not have objected to intermediate scrutiny for discrimination against women, but saw no reason why discrimination against males should be given any greater scrutiny than that given to most other statutes attacked on equal protection grounds.
Mississippi University for Women v. Hogan (1982, p. 609 paragraph 3 only) Facts: Nursing School at MUW barred men from enrolling in courses. Hogan wished to enroll because it was the closest nursing school to his home. Issue/Holding: Is women-only policy constitutional? No. Reasoning/Major Points: Intermediate Scrutiny was applied, with the addition that an exceedingly persuasive justification must be shown for any sex-based classification, also important that the important governmental purpose be an originally intention of the legislature, and whether that purpose was substantially related to achievement of an important governmental objective Not Affirmative Action because the field of nursing was not a field in which women found disadvantages, so the program was not compensating for anything JR agrees with OConnor who wrote the opinion
United States v. Virginia (1996, p. 611) Facts: Virginia Military Institute (VMI) was a public, military focused, all-male college run by the State. In response to threats of gender-integration, VA had created an all-female program at a private college in the state, which had a similar, yet admittedly less rigorous program for women. Issue/Holding: Does VMIs all-male policy violate the EP Clause? Yes. Was the States alternative program similar enough to VMI to overcome the equal-protection claim? No. Reasoning/Major Points: Court used Intermediate Scrutiny and stated that State must demonstrate an exceedingly persuasive justification. State must show at least o Important governmental objectives; and o Discriminatory means employed are substantially related to the achievement of those objectives Differences between mere rationality o Justification must be genuine, not invented post hoc in response to litigation o Burden lies on the State Court left open possibility of SS JRs comments: According to this case, sex-segregated bathrooms in state buildings would likely be unconstitutional, but we dont see this as reflecting discrimination against either group
J.E.B. v. Alabama ex rel. T.B. (1994, p. 619) Facts: Trial to determine whether the defendant was the father of a child and the extent of his child support obligations. State used gender-based peremptory jury challenges; and, as a result of the challenges, jury was made up entirely of women. Issue/Holding: Are gender-based peremptory challenges unconstitutional? Yes. Reasoning/Major Points: Using Intermediate Scrutiny, Court stated that assumption that women would have particular views in certain types of cases (such as paternity) reinforced stereotypes about women that laws sought to get rid of. Linked to Batson v. Kentucky (1986), which forbids peremptory challenges based on race
Michael M. v. Sonoma County Superior Court (1981, p. 621 Note 3b) Facts: Statute made it a crime to have sexual intercourse with a female under the age of 18. Thus, only men could be liable for statutory rape Issue/Holding: Plurality decision of four upheld statute. Using Intermediate Scrutiny, Court found that state had a strong interest in preventing illegitimate pregnancies, and consequences fall almost entirely on females Dissent believes goal would be better advanced by being applied equally to men and women (JR seemed to agree)
Nguyen v. Immigration and Naturalization Service (2001, Supplement p. 97) Facts/Issue/Holding: Upheld INS rule requiring an unwed citizen father (but not a citizen mother) of a child born overseas to demonstrate that there was an opportunity to form a relationship during the childs minority years before the child can become a citizen. Reasoning/Major Points: The mother is always present at birth, but the father need not be, [so] the facially neutral rule would sometimes require fathers to take additional affirmative steps [to prove parenthood]. Not doing purposive analysis as in VMI, court more accepting of proffered justification as real justification
D. Bush v. Gore
Bush v. Gore (2000, Supplement p. 3) Facts: Outcome of 2000 Presidential election rested on FL recount, which had been disputed due to method of vote counting in various counties. Issue/Holding: Recount to discern intent of the voterdifferent counting standards in various counties was a violation of EP clause. Three main pieces: 1) SC issued stay against recount 2) Opinion issued: a) Finding of EP violation b) No possible remedy, so must shut recount down Reasoning/Major Points: Fundamental Right case: right to vote fundamental, Court applies heightened scrutiny End of opinion Court states there can be no remand and recount must stop, because it is impossible to complete recount by Dec 12th in a manner that complies with EP JRs comments: Manual recounts have been going on for 150 years, so peculiar that it would violate EP. But concerns over differing standards was legitimate Remedy was legally indefensiblesingle worst piece of reasoning to come out of SC during JRs lifetime Court gave its decision on Dec 12 at 10am making it impossible to get it done by Dec 12. But why Dec 12? Federal statute does not require the recount to be completed by Dec 12. Actually safe harbor statute that says that if a state completes its recount by Dec 12, then that determination by the state will be conclusive in D.C. against certain types of challenges o Hawaii failed in Kennedy v. Nixon, and submitted its votes in January o Some states have a state law requirement because they want to complete its recount under safe harbor requirements. But the Florida election code has no such requirement. SC states that the Florida SC said that the Florida legislature intended complete recount by Dec 12. Florida SC had never said that. o Court said the Supreme Court of Florida has said that the legislature intended the States electors to participate fully in the federal electoral process. o In prior ruling on certification, SC had overruled Florida SC because FSC had interpreted Florida election code to state a date which it hadnt THERE WAS NO DEC 12 DEADLINE o Court just made it up, legally indefensible o No one defends this part of the opinion, without this it would have been remanded
E. Affirmative Action
Adarand Constructors, Inc. v. Pena (1947, p. 574) Facts: Central Federal Lands Highway Division (CFLHD), part of Dept. of Trans., awarded highway construction contract to Mountain Gravel Construction Co. (MG), which then solicited subcontractor bids. Adarand submitted lowest bid but Gonzales Construction Co. was awarded subcontract. CFLHDs contract, as per federal requirements, gave financial incentive to hire subcontractors certified as small businesses controlled by socially and economically disadvantaged individuals. Adarand challenged govts race-based assumption in identifying socially and economically disadvantaged individuals. MG submitted an affidavit stating it would have accepted Adarands bid if not for additional payment it received for hiring Gonzales. Issue/Holding: By what standard should a 5th Am challenge against race-based affirmative action be reviewed? Appellate court incorrectly used intermediate scrutiny and therefore its ruling is vacated and the case is remanded. SS should be applied: federal racial classifications, like those of a State, must serve a compelling governmental interest, and must be narrowly tailored to further that interest. Reasoning/Major Points: Precedent prior to Metro Broadcasting, Inc. v. FCC (1990) established three propositions with respect to racial classifications: o Skepticism: any preference based on racial or ethnic criteria must necessarily receive a most searching examination (Wygant) o Consistency: the standard of review under EP Clause is not dependent on the race of those burdened or benefited by a particular classification (Croson) o Congruence: EP analysis in the 5th Am area is the same as that under the 14th Am (Buckley v. Valeo) i.e. congruence between federal (5th Am) and state (14th Am) EP Above three propositions together stand for the idea that any person, of whatever race, has the right to demand that any governmental actor subject to the Constitution justify any racial classification subjecting that person to unequal treatment under the strictest judicial scrutiny . (emphasis added) Metro Broadcasting undercuts all three of the above principles and stands for the proposition that benign race-conscious measures mandated by Congress are permissible to the extent that they serve important governmental objectives and are substantially related to the achievement of those objectives (emphasis added) i.e. that benign race classifications are subject to intermediate scrutiny only. Court states that because it may not always be clear whether a race classification is benign, the SS outlined by Croson should apply. o According to Croson, the purpose of SS is to smoke out illegitimate race classifications. o This is purpose-based view of SS, which is consistent with Washington v. Davis, unlike a cost-benefit view (see below). o SS ensures that government measures fit [its] compelling goal so closely that there is little or no possibility that the motive for the classification was illegitimate racial prejudice . i.e. narrowly tailored Idea of compelling state interest relates to consistency principle outlined above. Principle of consistency means that whenever the government treats any person unequally because of his or her race, that person has suffered an injury that falls squarely within the language and spirit of the Constitutions guarantee of equal protection. The application of SS determines whether a compelling government interest justifies the infliction of that injury . o This the cost-benefit view of SS. o Cost-benefit view, which is concerned with unintended harms, is inconsistent with welfare, veterans benefits, etc. JRs comments: Racial classification cases are subject to SS, Adarand settled this issue Adarand transforms SS from a method of smoking out invidious purposes into justificatory balancing test. It hypothesizes an effect from all racial classifications (perpetuation of racial stereotypes) and inverts the Washington v. Davis rule that effects are only relevant as evidence of intent Justificatory view (p. 578) of SS: Unequal treatment triggers SS, which, when applied, determines whether compelling government interest justifies infliction of that injury o Should we distinguish between good and bad intentions? Recall Murgia: SS only applies when statute operates to the peculiar disadvantage of a suspect class (Suspect Class Doctrine) o But SS doctrine no longer based on suspect classes, now based on suspect classifications. SS Classification Doctrine: Classifications themselves are bad o Whites are now treated as a suspect class for EP o Other groups cannot be granted suspect class status. Wealth based classifications favor the poor (taxes, welfare). But rich are not a suspect class. Why does Court think classifications are bad? o Consequences are pernicious, unintentionally really bad for minorities, which is why SS must be applied. Though there are unintended harms for minorities, benefits could (not likely under SS) outweigh the costs. o Can we accept this as the constitutional analysis? Doesnt Washington v. Davis say that unintended consequences can never be the purpose for triggering SS? o What about standardized tests? Greater effect in promoting notions of racial superiority/inferiority Court would say that it is unintended, basically contradicting itself. Court is just inconsistent on this point Whats the defense for subjecting classifications to SS? Three possible ones: o Unintended consequencescontradicts Washington v. Davis o Just bad on face, color consciousness is just really, really bad: this would be a different argument. Not a morally plausible claim. o Discriminates against white people. But many laws are unfair to many people. After Adarand, not a single decision by a lower court upholding an affirmative action program until the Michigan cases.
Grutter v. Bollinger (2003, Supplement p. 70) Facts/Issue/Holding: Grutter, a white Michigan resident whose application to Michigan Law School was denied, claimed that she was rejected because the Law School used race as a predominant factor in violation of the EP clause. SC upheld law school Affirmative Action (AA) program. Reasoning/Major Points: As per Adarand, SS applied for racial classification case. Court found compelling state interest in diversity in higher education (p. 73). o Educational benefits flow from student body diversity. o Law schools represent training ground for large number of Nations leaders. Law schools use of race as a + factor to achieve critical mass to achieve that interest was narrowly tailored. o Not a quota system like undergrad program, because Law School awards no mechanical, predetermined diversity bonuses based on race or ethnicity o Significant variance in percentage of minority students in entering classes over a period of years. o Narrow tailoring requires serious, good faith consideration of workable race-neutral alternatives but not exhaustion of every conceivable race-neutral alternative (p. 76).
Gratz v. Bollinger (2003, Supplement p. 91) Facts/Issue/Holding: SC struck down Michigan undergraduate AA admissions program because it was not narrowly tailored to serve government interest in diversity. Reasoning/Major Points: Admissions policy included point system, which awarded a significant number of points for minority status (Court says disproportionate to points awarded for other characteristics). Admissions policy did not provide for individualized consideration, and had the effect of making the factor of race decisive for virtually every minimally qualified underrepresented minority applicant. F. Homosexuality
Romer v. Evans (1996, p. 638) Facts: Colorado constitutional amendment would have prevented the state or any of its cities from enacting or enforcing any statute, ordinance, etc. whereby homosexual orientation, conduct, etc. could be the basis for a claim of minority status, quota preferences, protected status or claim of discrimination. Issue/Holding: Amendment constitutional? No. Reasoning/Major Points: Court found that the measure flunked mere rationality review on two separate grounds: o (1) No legitimate state interest being served; o (2) Means chosen by the state were not rationally related to the interest that the state asserted (legitimate or not) Fundamental right to equal participation in the governmental process. o Amendment withdraws from homosexuals, but no others, specific legal protection from the injuries caused by discrimination, and o Forbids reinstatement of these laws and policies. JRs comments: Used purposivist analysis to determine that amendment was motivated by animus Amendment targeted people rather than conduct (i.e. smokers rather than the action of smoking), conduct v. status (conduct can be regulated, status should not be). Person can be separated from the conduct. Court applies mere rationality review, like Cleburne one of the rare cases where the SC strikes down something under rationality review o Perception that this law born of animosity that EP law does not allow. This is not a plausible rationality review case o Covertly SC is viewing homosexuals as a suspect class. SC is suspicious of the intent of this law, that there is actually an invidious purpose Legal methods for preventing discrimination o Common Carrier. Hotels, transportation companies. General law prohibiting arbitrary discrimination o Forbidden Grounds. Cannot exclude someone on basis of lays down specific criteria (race, creed, color, gender, etc). Controversy over what etc. is
IV. THE SEPARATION OF POWERS
JR Preview: Turning to structural side of Con Law: Federal vs. States Rights Two methods of restraining governmental power o Limit domain: define spheres o Articulate rights: cant violate certain things, doesnt matter what the subject matter is Original Constitution more about limiting domain than setting out rights. Concerned that rights would be construed as exhaustive Strategy of enumerating powers of Congress failed by around 1940, because there failed to be limitations Federalists were in favor of national power, less government for the States o Anti-federalists were those who wanted more power for the States o Now, federalists are the opposite
A. The Allocation of Powers between the Federal Government and the States
1. Background
McCulloch v. Maryland (1819, p. 55) Facts: Cashier at US Bank allegedly failed to pay state tax and denied that he is obligated to follow state legislature because sovereign immunity claim. Issue/Holding: Does Congress have power to incorporate bank? Yes. Can a state tax a US government bank? Yes, if a uniform tax not specifically targeting federal employees. Reasoning/Major Points: Maryland claims that the power to establish a bank is not an enumerated power and that federal government gets powers from states. Court responds that the Con that gives Federal authority. Federal government gets power from the people in form and substance it emanates from them (p. 59). Asserts supreme authority of US government over States. Feds given broad power to regulate commerce, wage war, etc. Court says that banking provides the means for the Feds to carry out its duties. Art I, Sec 8 gives Congress all laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into execution the foregoing powers says necessary, not absolutely necessary or indispensably necessary. o Court reads necessary in a mitigated sensecites example of Con creating post office, which implies power to deliv |
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Date: December 8th, 2004 1:20 AM Author: cracking locus cuck I own this thread (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1758449) |
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Date: December 8th, 2004 1:41 AM Author: Avocado native idiot yoink! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1758547) |
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Date: December 8th, 2004 1:45 AM Author: cracking locus cuck *pulls rug out* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1758571) |
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Date: December 8th, 2004 1:46 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building Purdue's going undefeated, bitches. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1758574) |
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Date: December 8th, 2004 1:47 AM Author: cracking locus cuck *high five* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1758581) |
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Date: December 9th, 2004 4:27 AM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive Cleveland rocks! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1764208) |
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Date: December 9th, 2004 4:29 AM Author: peach dopamine OOOOOOOOOOHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOO (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1764209) |
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Date: December 9th, 2004 5:36 AM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive did you really think I'd stay up till 5:30 and still let you win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1764252) |
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Date: December 9th, 2004 6:01 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale nope (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1764280) |
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Date: December 9th, 2004 6:34 AM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1764288) |
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Date: December 9th, 2004 7:28 AM Author: Blue Subject: Gotcha.
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Date: December 9th, 2004 11:27 AM Author: cracking locus cuck nope (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1764831) |
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Date: December 12th, 2004 3:44 AM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive Seriously don't post after me... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1778649) |
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Date: December 12th, 2004 3:46 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale weird, I just searched to bump this at the same exact time you did. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1778663) |
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Date: December 12th, 2004 3:45 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale Takes the lead (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1778656) |
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Date: December 12th, 2004 3:46 AM Author: Nowag Me! Me! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1778662) |
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Date: December 12th, 2004 3:59 AM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive What is the ideal time to hit this thing?
Are you guys on the West Coast or something? |
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Date: December 12th, 2004 5:14 AM Author: cracking locus cuck Nope. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1778858) |
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Date: December 12th, 2004 5:29 AM Author: hateful disrespectful So much for being on top.
Guess I'll leave that up to Fish. |
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Date: January 1st, 2005 4:10 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness Get off my boyfriend, bitch!
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Date: October 9th, 2005 2:19 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness slut (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005640) |
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Date: December 13th, 2004 11:53 AM Author: tank turdskin Subject: Thank you very much. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1784295) |
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Date: December 13th, 2004 6:53 PM Author: yellow personal credit line King of the Pathetic. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1786357) |
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Date: December 13th, 2004 8:04 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale not at all (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1786728) |
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Date: December 14th, 2004 3:50 AM Author: bright people who are hurt since this is an open account, can we agree just to leave me (ie..all of us) as the winner?
doesn't that make everyone happy? |
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Date: December 15th, 2004 4:30 PM Author: magical community account shrine I call truce. This is an unwinnable war. Let's just end it now. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1796609) |
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Date: December 15th, 2004 4:37 PM Author: erotic bonkers friendly grandma what are your terms of surrender? you must give me the Ruhr. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1796671) |
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Date: December 21st, 2004 3:01 PM Author: misanthropic milky institution Never Say Die (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1824381) |
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Date: December 21st, 2004 3:57 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive hmmm...the 4 PM bump...unconventional, but maybe that's exactly what it takes to win this. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1824596) |
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Date: December 21st, 2004 11:14 PM Author: fighting Subject: No, I won Ha ha, take that, bastards! I win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1827013) |
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Date: December 22nd, 2004 2:30 AM Author: Smoky plaza reading party Victory from the jaws of defeat. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1827896) |
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Date: December 22nd, 2004 5:54 AM Author: Chestnut half-breed This baby's heading into the new year! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1828281) |
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Date: December 22nd, 2004 5:55 AM Author: Well-lubricated flickering candlestick maker a boy can dream. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1828282) |
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Date: December 24th, 2004 3:08 PM Author: Plum Indecent Gaming Laptop I'm a Wario... I'm a gonna ween! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1836972) |
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Date: December 25th, 2004 4:35 AM Author: tripping adulterous new version You can now stop posting on this ridiculous thread
Merry Christmas john and yoko |
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Date: December 25th, 2004 4:45 AM Author: ebony pisswyrm Merry Christmas (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1839474) |
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Date: January 1st, 2005 4:07 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig happy new year mother fuckers. yet again, you snooze you lose. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1865757) |
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Date: January 1st, 2005 11:12 PM Author: Turquoise Narrow-minded Brunch (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1868048) |
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Date: January 2nd, 2005 3:28 AM Author: yarmulke Change of rules: Any posters beyond this point will be automatically disqualified. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1869103) |
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Date: January 2nd, 2005 4:49 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale Change of rules: Any posters above this point will be automatically disqualified (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1869263) |
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Date: January 3rd, 2005 6:38 AM Author: Zombie-like sound barrier Is this thing still going? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1872337) |
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Date: January 3rd, 2005 10:33 AM Author: feces I guess (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1872586) |
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Date: January 15th, 2005 1:10 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale ... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1934868) |
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Date: January 15th, 2005 1:21 AM Author: Violent bung chala chala chala dee dee dee (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1934932) |
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Date: January 15th, 2005 1:26 AM Author: cracking locus cuck (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1934973) |
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Date: January 15th, 2005 5:48 AM Author: Frozen Love Of Her Life Subject: burp (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1935910) |
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Date: January 15th, 2005 6:07 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus This thread has a habit of getting bumped late night. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1935915) |
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Date: January 16th, 2005 12:38 AM Author: Violent Indeed (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1940277) |
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Date: January 16th, 2005 12:46 AM Author: Angry associate I haven't felt like a winner in a while. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1940311) |
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Date: January 16th, 2005 12:47 AM Author: Vermilion And you won't start today. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1940315) |
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Date: January 18th, 2005 1:45 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Predictions on when this will reach 1,000 posts? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1955387) |
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Date: July 2nd, 2005 5:06 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale SHUT THE FUCK UP FAG1 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#3169108) |
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Date: January 18th, 2005 1:46 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish Soon. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1955403) |
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Date: January 18th, 2005 1:48 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale How soon? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1955409) |
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Date: January 18th, 2005 1:50 PM Author: Godawful Messiness Shitlib wednesday? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1955417) |
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Date: January 18th, 2005 1:50 PM Author: Flatulent Roommate Pozpig (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1955416) |
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Date: January 18th, 2005 1:51 PM Author: Red gay wizard Booger. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1955418) |
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Date: January 18th, 2005 1:52 PM Author: kitty cat I've managed to resist this thing for months, but I have no willpower today. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1955421) |
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Date: January 18th, 2005 2:02 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale and you didn't even win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1955452) |
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Date: January 18th, 2005 2:03 PM Author: kitty cat :( (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1955454) |
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Date: January 18th, 2005 2:20 PM Author: Boyish Gunner Box Office still no cigar. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1955511) |
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Date: January 19th, 2005 8:10 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Bump (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1963669) |
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Date: January 19th, 2005 8:13 PM Author: cracking locus cuck Purdue should go undefeated! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1963696) |
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Date: January 19th, 2005 10:54 PM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen You all suck big, FAT cock. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1965109) |
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Date: January 20th, 2005 4:34 AM Author: mad cow disease *crickets* *crickets* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1966587) |
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Date: January 23rd, 2005 7:51 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig BRIAN DAWKINS! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1988288) |
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Date: January 23rd, 2005 8:00 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Already been broughtin. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1988391) |
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Date: January 23rd, 2005 8:01 PM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen *smiles sweetly* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1988397) |
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Date: January 23rd, 2005 11:41 PM Author: Azure Useless Brakes It aint over yet. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1990051) |
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Date: January 23rd, 2005 11:42 PM Author: Vermilion You've got that right. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1990055) |
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Date: January 25th, 2005 1:46 PM Author: Lilac #1 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1999330) |
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Date: January 25th, 2005 1:47 PM Author: saffron bossy degenerate Do you want fries with that? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#1999339) |
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Date: January 31st, 2005 2:20 AM Author: Unholy nofapping sex offender I WON FUCKERS! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2033646) |
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Date: January 31st, 2005 2:21 AM Author: Slap-happy church You really are an idiot. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2033651) |
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Date: January 31st, 2005 2:23 AM Author: Unholy nofapping sex offender Are you really are the meanest fish. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2033657) |
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Date: January 31st, 2005 2:28 AM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen Wow, this thread may just reach 1000 posts... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2033684) |
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Date: January 31st, 2005 2:28 AM Author: Unholy nofapping sex offender Slowly but surely. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2033687) |
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Date: January 31st, 2005 2:39 AM Author: Slap-happy church This thread says a lot about the toolishness of legal culture. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2033732) |
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Date: January 31st, 2005 2:40 AM Author: Unholy nofapping sex offender Youre quite bitchy tonite. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2033736) |
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Date: January 31st, 2005 2:42 AM Author: Slap-happy church I'll give you that. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2033739) |
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Date: January 31st, 2005 2:42 AM Author: Unholy nofapping sex offender Word. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2033741) |
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Date: January 31st, 2005 3:08 AM Author: Slap-happy church See, now that's just rude. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2033783) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 12:46 AM Author: rusted son of senegal I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the football game were total jerks
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 12:52 AM Author: cracking locus cuck fag (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053374) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:02 AM Author: saffron bossy degenerate slut. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053431) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:03 AM Author: transparent cuckold stock car hinter striped. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053433) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:05 AM Author: saffron bossy degenerate thought you left? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053438) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:38 AM Author: Lake Party Of The First Part I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the football game were total jerks (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053600) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:41 AM Author: ebony pisswyrm If anyone else posts, this thread will self destruct. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053616) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:42 AM Author: Lake Party Of The First Part I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the football game were total jerks (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053626) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:44 AM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen I won! I won! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053633) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:47 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale 597! Fuck Yeah! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053647) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:48 AM Author: kink-friendly leave it to a major U.K. department to write me on Monday to say they needed the letter by Friday! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053652) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:47 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale 599! Fuck Yeah! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053648) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:48 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale 600! Fuck Yeah! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053650) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 1:48 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale 601! Fuck Yeah! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053655) |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 2:27 AM Author: saffron bossy degenerate Subject: FUCK YEAH! FUCK YEAH!
McDonalds, FUCK YEAH! Wal-Mart, FUCK YEAH! The Gap, FUCK YEAH! Baseball, FUCK YEAH! NFL, FUCK, YEAH! Rock and roll, FUCK YEAH! The Internet, FUCK YEAH! Slavery, FUCK YEAH!
FUCK YEAH!
Starbucks, FUCK YEAH! Disney world, FUCK YEAH! Porno, FUCK YEAH! Valium, FUCK YEAH! Reeboks, FUCK YEAH! Fake Tits, FUCK YEAH! Sushi, FUCK YEAH! Taco Bell, FUCK YEAH! Rodeos, FUCK YEAH! Bed bath and beyond (Fuck yeah, Fuck yeah)
Liberty, FUCK YEAH! White Slips, FUCK YEAH! The Alamo, FUCK YEAH! Band-aids, FUCK YEAH! Las Vegas, FUCK YEAH! Christmas, FUCK YEAH! Immigrants, FUCK YEAH! Popeye, FUCK YEAH! Democrats, FUCK YEAH! Republicans (republicans) (fuck yeah, fuck yeah) Sportsmanship Books
---
The essence of the US.
EDIT: I win. y'all lose. |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 2:29 AM Author: Angry associate poo. i win. |
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Date: February 3rd, 2005 2:31 AM Author: saffron bossy degenerate fuck, no! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2053959) |
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Date: February 9th, 2005 2:10 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale Bump (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2093683) |
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Date: February 9th, 2005 10:19 PM Author: arrogant walnut puppy doctorate Looks like I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2099217) |
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Date: February 9th, 2005 10:20 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale victory is fleeting. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2099229) |
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Date: February 9th, 2005 10:48 PM Author: dun deer antler you should know (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2099380) |
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Date: February 16th, 2005 1:48 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale Incorrect
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Date: February 23rd, 2005 9:26 PM Author: puce philosopher-king stage I win! I win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2194969) |
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Date: February 23rd, 2005 9:28 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate Wow. The coward thread has surpassed this one.
Oh, and I win. |
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Date: February 23rd, 2005 9:29 PM Author: puce philosopher-king stage Damn you, Skeletor! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2194994) |
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Date: February 23rd, 2005 9:30 PM Author: bat shit crazy mother stage It's ovah! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2195014) |
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Date: February 23rd, 2005 9:33 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig *gouges macanudo's eyes out* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2195041) |
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Date: February 23rd, 2005 9:35 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Peace out biatches.... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2195068) |
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Date: February 23rd, 2005 9:46 PM Author: cracking locus cuck This thread should declare war on the Madame Cunt thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2195199) |
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Date: February 23rd, 2005 9:51 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale No worries, this thread will win in the end, there is no doubt... By the way, you lose. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2195242) |
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Date: February 23rd, 2005 9:58 PM Author: cracking locus cuck You blew your load too soon. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2195328) |
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Date: February 26th, 2005 12:46 PM Author: crotch (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2212776) |
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Date: February 26th, 2005 12:53 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale fag (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2212808) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 7:47 PM Author: bat-shit-crazy primrose trust fund ... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236518) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 7:55 PM Author: cracking locus cuck no chance (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236558) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 8:17 PM Author: cerebral rebellious casino dog poop Oooohhhh... I want to win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236682) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 8:18 PM Author: Slap-happy church No ones going to let you win. HTH. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236691) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 8:29 PM Author: cerebral rebellious casino dog poop No, really... I win! I always win ;) (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236744) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 8:32 PM Author: cracking locus cuck False (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236759) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 8:35 PM Author: cerebral rebellious casino dog poop No, really... I win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236786) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 8:36 PM Author: cracking locus cuck Second place is the first loser. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236798) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 8:38 PM Author: cerebral rebellious casino dog poop I am not second place. I'm number 1! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236811) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 8:40 PM Author: cracking locus cuck ... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236825) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 9:02 PM Author: dun deer antler The next person who posts is admitting that they suck. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236955) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 9:11 PM Author: Slap-happy church Hi. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2237034) |
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Date: March 14th, 2005 9:14 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness Meh, I've already tried the last person who posts will get fat and I'm pretty sure I tried will die a horrible ugly death as well. Never works. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2332998) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 9:05 PM Author: Sooty cruise ship karate Oh, I'm sorry - this thread is still funny? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236975) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 9:06 PM Author: mad cow disease Not really...but oh well. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2236990) |
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Date: March 1st, 2005 9:12 PM Author: Slap-happy church Actually its tragic. It demonstrates exactly what is wrong with the legal profession. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2237041) |
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Date: March 7th, 2005 2:10 PM Author: Deep boltzmann Bump (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2276413) |
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Date: March 7th, 2005 2:19 PM Author: at-the-ready stimulating toaster theater stage Next person to lose in this thread wins! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2276469) |
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Date: March 11th, 2005 12:27 AM Author: Garnet out-of-control dragon I lose. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2305086) |
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Date: March 14th, 2005 9:16 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOM |
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Date: March 14th, 2005 10:10 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig smack (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2333332) |
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Date: March 14th, 2005 10:12 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness die thhhhhhucker (in Daffy Duck voice) (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2333355) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:35 AM Author: mad cow disease Prestigious. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371542) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:43 AM Author: sienna sadistic . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371548) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:43 AM Author: sienna sadistic . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371549) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:44 AM Author: sienna sadistic 453453 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371551) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:44 AM Author: sienna sadistic 1344314455354 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371552) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:44 AM Author: sienna sadistic 3454544435543 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371553) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:44 AM Author: sienna sadistic 51454435454545 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371554) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:44 AM Author: sienna sadistic 45415551514153 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371555) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:44 AM Author: sienna sadistic 43541515354 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371556) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:44 AM Author: sienna sadistic 13414335154 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371557) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:44 AM Author: sienna sadistic 545451454514 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371558) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:44 AM Author: sienna sadistic 53535 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371559) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:44 AM Author: sienna sadistic 34135153554 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371560) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:45 AM Author: sienna sadistic 1355153513554 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371561) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:45 AM Author: sienna sadistic 5415354553154 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371562) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:45 AM Author: sienna sadistic 45155335 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371564) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:45 AM Author: sienna sadistic 513513513 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371566) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:45 AM Author: sienna sadistic 5151355541 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371567) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:45 AM Author: sienna sadistic 13451353513135 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371568) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:45 AM Author: sienna sadistic 431413434334 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371569) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:45 AM Author: sienna sadistic 355385373758 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371570) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:45 AM Author: sienna sadistic 99878978978964 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371571) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:45 AM Author: sienna sadistic 6396369693693697 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371572) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 5:48 AM Author: mad cow disease You should have done all prime numbers. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371574) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 6:13 AM Author: at-the-ready stimulating toaster theater stage It's important to move beyond this. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371609) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 6:15 AM Author: bateful location I'll give 10 bucks to the next person who doesn't respond to this thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371612) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 6:39 AM Author: Hilarious Hi. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371635) |
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Date: March 21st, 2005 8:09 AM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I'm glad this thread is still around. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2371684) |
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Date: March 24th, 2005 7:18 PM Author: Chartreuse azn suckers (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2399049) |
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Date: March 24th, 2005 7:25 PM Author: Wine Pea-brained Incredible how many foolish victims this thread has claimed. You can't win because you'll never know. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2399086) |
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Date: March 24th, 2005 7:32 PM Author: Irate International Law Enforcement Agency what if everyone who posts after you dies? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2399120) |
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Date: March 24th, 2005 9:11 PM Author: umber antidepressant drug The next person who responds is a fag. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2399818) |
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Date: March 24th, 2005 9:12 PM Author: at-the-ready stimulating toaster theater stage I'm a fag! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2399826) |
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Date: March 27th, 2005 6:03 AM Author: at-the-ready stimulating toaster theater stage So am I! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2421036) |
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Date: March 27th, 2005 3:20 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Seriously, Rach said that this thread is taking up too much bandwidth and that if we don't stop posting it will be deleted. Please comply. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2422614) |
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Date: March 27th, 2005 3:21 PM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen Ok- I win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2422618) |
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Date: March 27th, 2005 3:24 PM Author: Angry associate nipples (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2422638) |
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Date: April 5th, 2005 12:34 AM Author: spruce goyim THEN WHY ARE YOU POSTING ON IT FOO? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2487344) |
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Date: March 27th, 2005 4:07 PM Author: bisexual sticky hairy legs travel guidebook I traveled 100 years into the future and posted in this thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2423108) |
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Date: March 29th, 2005 2:42 AM Author: sepia filthpig What Is Contra Dancing?
Contra Dancing is a form of American folk dance in which the dancers form a set of two parallel lines which run the length of the hall. Each dance consists of a sequence of moves that ends with couples having progressed one position up or down the set. As the sequence is repeated, a couple will eventually dance with every other couple in the set. Contra Dancing was all the rage in 1800.
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Date: April 2nd, 2005 4:14 AM Author: at-the-ready stimulating toaster theater stage respond. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2467129) |
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Date: April 2nd, 2005 4:15 AM Author: obsidian cumskin I WIN
I ALWAYS WIN
LOSER_FUCKERS |
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Date: April 2nd, 2005 4:15 AM Author: at-the-ready stimulating toaster theater stage If you say so. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2467139) |
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Date: April 2nd, 2005 4:26 AM Author: obsidian cumskin FUK.
EXACTLY
YOU! |
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Date: April 5th, 2005 12:36 AM Author: bat shit crazy mother stage It's ovah! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2487365) |
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Date: April 5th, 2005 12:43 AM Author: at-the-ready stimulating toaster theater stage send me my money (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2487440) |
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Date: April 9th, 2005 5:22 AM Author: Impressive pearly locale I haven't won in a while... UNTIL NOW! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2521651) |
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Date: April 9th, 2005 10:39 AM Author: saffron bossy degenerate absolvo te. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2521827) |
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Date: April 9th, 2005 10:57 AM Author: giraffe i win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2521848) |
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Date: April 9th, 2005 11:49 AM Author: Misunderstood coldplay fan nope (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2521915) |
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Date: April 9th, 2005 2:25 PM Author: Striped hyena No, I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2522258) |
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Date: April 9th, 2005 2:44 PM Author: cracking locus cuck Champ again. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2522339) |
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Date: April 9th, 2005 2:49 PM Author: spruce goyim EAT BANDWITH COMMIE BASTARDS (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2522379) |
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Date: April 11th, 2005 5:43 AM Author: honey-headed electric furnace parlor whorebags and assmouths... i'm a winner. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2534361) |
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Date: April 11th, 2005 2:11 PM Author: cracking locus cuck false. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2535415) |
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Date: April 14th, 2005 9:48 PM Author: at-the-ready stimulating toaster theater stage congrats. you just "almost" won. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2560662) |
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Date: April 14th, 2005 9:50 PM Author: aggressive slimy corn cake <wack> (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2560673) |
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Date: April 14th, 2005 9:52 PM Author: obsidian cumskin "Ass-hattery shall nay be rewarded in heaven"
HTH |
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Date: April 20th, 2005 6:20 PM Author: Flatulent Roommate Pozpig 1 year! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2600514) |
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Date: April 23rd, 2005 6:21 AM Author: mad cow disease Fuck you all. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2616593) |
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Date: April 23rd, 2005 1:35 PM Author: cracking locus cuck Good to be back on top. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2617257) |
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Date: April 23rd, 2005 1:35 PM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen This computer almost had a seizure trying to load this thread.
I WIN! |
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Date: April 23rd, 2005 1:42 PM Author: cracking locus cuck ZOINK! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2617287) |
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Date: April 23rd, 2005 1:43 PM Author: Cobalt liquid oxygen *bonk* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2617292) |
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Date: April 23rd, 2005 1:44 PM Author: Claret cowardly telephone Bush Encounters Hurdles on Energy Agenda
1 hour, 5 minutes ago
Add to My Yahoo! Top Stories - AP
By TOM RAUM, Associated Press Writer
WASHINGTON - Running for president five years ago, George W. Bush pledged to jawbone energy-exporting nations to keep oil prices low and to win passage of legislation to spur more domestic energy production. Delivering on either count has proved difficult for the Texas oilman.
Photo AP Photo
Soaring oil and gasoline prices are beginning to take a toll on U.S. economic growth and on Bush's approval ratings. To get his long-stalled energy agenda passed, the president is putting more of his political prestige on the line.
The House voted 249-183 last week for White House-backed legislation that would give tax cuts and subsidies to energy companies and open a wildlife refuge in Alaska to oil exploration.
At a meeting Monday at his Texas ranch, Bush is promising to press Saudi Arabia's de facto ruler, Crown Prince Abdullah, to do more to help ease global oil prices. Still, the president acknowledges that there is little that he or Congress can do to quickly lower gasoline prices, which have climbed past $2.20 a gallon nationwide.
Critics also claim that Bush's energy bill does little to promote conservation or alternate energy approaches, and that he has done little of the lobbying of oil-country leaders that he promised during in his first presidential campaign.
Robert Ebel, an energy analyst at the Center for Strategic and International Studies, said nothing that Bush is proposing "is going to have any immediate, or even near-term impact" on prices.
Bush s responding politically to consumer concerns that "gasoline prices are high, we haven't yet entered the summer driving season, and what is the president going to do about it?" Ebel said.
Ebel said increasing world demand for oil, particularly from fast-growing China, and lack of new refineries in the United States will exacerbate the problem for years.
With his Social Security overhaul plan winning few converts, Bush may find that promoting his energy agenda has a more immediate political payoff for jittery Republicans.
In a last week, Bush said high prices are "like a foreign tax on the American dream." He challenged Congress to send him an energy bill by August and described the proposal as making energy "more affordable and secure" in the future.
Similar legislation passed the House twice in Bush's first term, only to bog down in the Senate under a Democratic filibuster that was waged, in part, to protest possible exploratory drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska.
Crude oil prices have risen 40 percent in the past year. But finding ways to curb them pose a particular dilemma for Bush complicated by his own actions.
The war in Iraq, for instance, limited Bush's influence among Persian Gulf oil-producing nations.
The president recently ruled out releasing oil from the nation's emergency stockpile, saying he would only tap the 700 million barrel reserve in a national crisis.
Bush criticized President Clinton for tapping into the reserve in 2000, suggesting it was a political gesture to help Vice President Al Gore, then Bush's Democratic rival for the White House.
Bush also criticized the Clinton administration for not lobbying the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries, saying Clinton "must jawbone OPEC members to lower prices." Yet as president, Bush mostly has emphasized that market forces should set world oil prices.
In a CNBC interview, Bush said he would press the Saudi crown prince to boost production. "I'll be talking to our friends about making sure they understand that if they pinch the world economy too much, it'll affect their ability to sell crude oil in the long run," Bush said.
Still, he said, there was a chance the Saudis already were pumping crude at "near capacity" levels. Ahead of the crown prince's visit, Saudi Arabia said it would do what it could to step up oil production.
Saudi oil minister Ali Naimi said the kingdom is now pumping about 9.5 million barrels per day and could increase that to 12.5 million barrels per day by 2009 if necessary to maintain "market stability."
But, he told a conference in Paris, "The measures taken by OPEC in general and by Saudi Arabia in particular are only a few factors among those which affect oil prices; consequently, our influence is limited."
Bush's expected appeal to the Saudi leader already is drawing scorn from some Democrats. "The president is right to meet with this powerful man, but it is wrong that the leader of the United States must ask favors from a foreign prince," Rep. Ed Markey, D-Mass., said Saturday in his party's weekly radio address.
Jerry Taylor, an energy analyst at the Cato Institute, a Washington-based think tank that advocates less government regulation, said the idea that "jawboning OPEC or arranging for nice relations with OPEC will somehow get us more oil is utter illusion."
"The Saudis will produce as much oil as they think is necessary to maximize revenue. Period," Taylor said. China's rising thirst for oil, not supply shortages, is the main factor driving up global oil prices, he and other oil analysts suggested. |
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Date: May 12th, 2005 2:10 PM Author: ultramarine maniacal rigor you all suck (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2764662) |
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Date: May 12th, 2005 2:12 PM Author: bat shit crazy mother stage It's ovah! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2764672) |
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Date: May 12th, 2005 2:13 PM Author: FUCK YOU I WIN HAHAHAHAHA
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Date: May 12th, 2005 2:16 PM Author: ultramarine maniacal rigor Ahh..sweet victory. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2764697) |
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Date: May 12th, 2005 2:23 PM Author: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2764738) |
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Date: May 12th, 2005 2:23 PM Author: On this thread, everyone's a winner!
YAY!!!! |
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Date: May 12th, 2005 2:28 PM Author: ultramarine maniacal rigor except you. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2764783) |
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Date: May 14th, 2005 6:47 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus Heyyyy-Ooooooooooooooooooo. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2781351) |
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Date: May 14th, 2005 6:50 AM Author: I will QWN you all!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2781356) |
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Date: May 14th, 2005 6:55 AM Author: brass double fault Last person to respond to this thread wins (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2781362) |
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Date: May 14th, 2005 7:17 AM Author: Glassy Fortuitous Meteor what a stupid thread (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2781376) |
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Date: May 14th, 2005 2:19 PM Author: Mint hot regret It is asymptotic towards infinity. The beast will live for eternity. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2782129) |
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Date: May 23rd, 2005 8:29 PM Author: low-t d (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2844429) |
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Date: May 23rd, 2005 8:43 PM Author: Vermilion *tip-toes* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2844542) |
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Date: May 23rd, 2005 8:44 PM Author: citrine boistinker voyeur *farts audibly* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2844547) |
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Date: May 23rd, 2005 9:58 PM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building *passes out* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2845009) |
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Date: May 23rd, 2005 8:46 PM Author: Striped hyena Author: Rear_Admiral_Darth_Butt_Monkey (what becomes of the borken hearted?)
A few years ago, while browsing around the library downtown, I had to take a piss. As I entered the john a big beautiful all-american football hero type, about twenty-five, came out of one of the booths. I stood at the urinal looking at him out of the corner of my eye as he washed his hands. He didn't once look at me. He was "straight" and married -- and in any case I was sure I wouldn't have a chance with him.
As soon as he left I darted into the booth he'd vacated, hoping there might be a lingering smell of shit and even a seat still warm from his sturdy young ass. I found not only the smell but the shit itself. He'd forgotten to flush. And what a treasure he had left behind. Three or four beautiful specimens floated in the bowl. It apparently had been a fairly dry, constipated shit, for all were fat, stiff, and ruggedly textured.
The real prize was a great feast of turd -- a nine inch gastrointestinal triumph as thick as a man's wrist.
I knelt before the bowl, inhaling the rich brown fragrance and wondered if I should obey the impulse building up inside me. I'd always been a heavy rimmer and had lapped up more than one little clump of shit, but that had been just an inevitable part of eating ass and not an end in itself. Of course I'd had jerk-off fantasies of devouring great loads of it (what rimmer hasn't), but I had never done it. Now, here I was, confronted with the most beautiful five-pound turd I'd ever feasted my eyes on, a sausage fit to star in any fantasy and one I knew to have been hatched from the asshole of the world's handsomest young stud.
Why not? I plucked it from the bowl, holding it with both hands to keep it from breaking. I lifted it to my nose. It smelled like rich, ripe limburger (horrid, but thrilling), yet had the consistency of cheddar. What is cheese anyway but milk turning to shit without the benefit of a digestive tract? I gave it a lick and found that it tasted better then it smelled. I've found since then that shit nearly almost does.
I hesitated no longer. I shoved the fucking thing as far into my mouth as I could get it and sucked on it like a big brown cock, beating my meat like a madman. I wanted to completely engulf it and bit off a large chunk, flooding my mouth with the intense, bittersweet flavor. To my delight I found that while the water in the bowl had chilled the outside of the turd, it was still warm inside. As I chewed I discovered that it was filled with hard little bits of something I soon identified as peanuts. He hadn't chewed them carefully and they'd passed through his body virtually unchanged. I ate it greedily, sending lump after peanutty lump sliding scratchily down my throat. My only regret was the donor of this feast wasn't there to wash it down with his piss.
I soon reached a terrific climax. I caught my cum in the cupped palm of my hand and drank it down. Believe me, there is no more delightful combination of flavors than the hot sweetness of cum with the rich bitterness of shit.
Afterwards I was sorry that I hadn't made it last longer. But then I realized that I still had a lot of fun in store for me. There was still a clutch of virile turds left in the bowl. I tenderly fished them out, rolled them into my hankerchief, and stashed them in my briefcase. In the week to come I found all kinds of ways to eat the shit without bolting it right down. Once eaten it's gone forever unless you want to filch it third hand out of your own asshole. Not an unreasonable recourse in moments of desperation or simple boredom. I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing, letting it slowly dissolve. I had liquid shit trickling down my throat for nearly four hours. I must have had six orgasms in the process.
I often think of that lovely young guy dropping solid gold out of his sweet, pink asshole every day, never knowing what joy it could, and at least once did, bring to a grateful shiteater.
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Date: May 23rd, 2005 8:47 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig more feces (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2844585) |
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Date: May 27th, 2005 4:15 AM Author: Slap-happy church Fucking gunner douches... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2868205) |
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Date: May 27th, 2005 4:18 AM Author: violet legend you stealthy fag (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2868207) |
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Date: June 2nd, 2005 4:53 PM Author: Striped hyena ., (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2914896) |
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Date: June 2nd, 2005 4:57 PM Author: learning disabled gaping boo radley! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2914918) |
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Date: June 2nd, 2005 4:57 PM Author: arrogant walnut puppy doctorate I win! I win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2914919) |
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Date: June 2nd, 2005 4:58 PM Author: Claret cowardly telephone In a standard comic book dystopian near-future Americans are ensconced in mega-cities which protect them from the desolation of the world outside, and the peace is kept by The Judges. This elite group who upholds "The Law" is police, jury, and executioner all in one. Judge Dredd, the most formidable and revered of the Street Judges, is convicted of the murder of a snooping reporter. With the help of a prisoner who he himself convicted, Dredd sets out to clear his name while leaving a trail of destruction, snappy catch- phrases, and dazzling special effects in his wake.
Summary written by T.C. Johnston {tcjonston@aol.com}
In a dystopic future, where urban areas have grown into megacities that cover entire coastal regions, the justice system has evolved to a single person invested with the power of police, judge, jury, and executioner: the Judge. Among the Judges of Mega-City One, Judge Dredd is one of the best, and a particular favorite of the Head of the Council, Judge Fargo. But there are evil forces at work in the Justice Dept: block riots and the escape of Rico, a homicidal maniac, are only steps in a plan that ultimately lead to the sentencing of Dredd for a murder he didn't commit. And Dredd must discover the secrets of his own past and survive to stop the evildoers.
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Date: June 3rd, 2005 1:15 AM Author: Slap-happy church Never trust someone with an aol email address. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2919476) |
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Date: June 3rd, 2005 1:25 AM Author: Chocolate mental disorder loser. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#2919574) |
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Date: June 9th, 2005 10:07 AM Author: fluffy orange hunting ground prole Subject: GONZALEZ V. RAICH GONZALES, ATTORNEY GENERAL, et al. v. RAICH et al.
certiorari to the united states court of appeals for the ninth circuit
No. 03-1454.Argued November 29, 2004--Decided June 6, 2005
California's Compassionate Use Act authorizes limited marijuana use for medicinal purposes. Respondents Raich and Monson are California residents who both use doctor-recommended marijuana for serious medical conditions. After federal Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) agents seized and destroyed all six of Monson's cannabis plants, respondents brought this action seeking injunctive and declaratory relief prohibiting the enforcement of the federal Controlled Substances Act (CSA) to the extent it prevents them from possessing, obtaining, or manufacturing cannabis for their personal medical use. Respondents claim that enforcing the CSA against them would violate the Commerce Clause and other constitutional provisions. The District Court denied respondents' motion for a preliminary injunction, but the Ninth Circuit reversed, finding that they had demonstrated a strong likelihood of success on the claim that the CSA is an unconstitutional exercise of Congress' Commerce Clause authority as applied to the intrastate, noncommercial cultivation and possession of cannabis for personal medical purposes as recommended by a patient's physician pursuant to valid California state law. The court relied heavily on United States v. Lopez, 514 U. S. 549, and United States v. Morrison, 529 U. S. 598, to hold that this separate class of purely local activities was beyond the reach of federal power.
Held: Congress' Commerce Clause authority includes the power to prohibit the local cultivation and use of marijuana in compliance with California law. Pp. 6-31.
(a) For the purposes of consolidating various drug laws into a comprehensive statute, providing meaningful regulation over legitimate sources of drugs to prevent diversion into illegal channels, and strengthening law enforcement tools against international and interstate drug trafficking, Congress enacted the Comprehensive Drug Abuse Prevention and Control Act of 1970, Title II of which is the CSA. To effectuate the statutory goals, Congress devised a closed regulatory system making it unlawful to manufacture, distribute, dispense, or possess any controlled substance except as authorized by the CSA. 21 U. S. C. §§841(a)(1), 844(a). All controlled substances are classified into five schedules, §812, based on their accepted medical uses, their potential for abuse, and their psychological and physical effects on the body, §§811, 812. Marijuana is classified as a Schedule I substance, §812(c), based on its high potential for abuse, no accepted medical use, and no accepted safety for use in medically supervised treatment, §812(b)(1). This classification renders the manufacture, distribution, or possession of marijuana a criminal offense. §§841(a)(1), 844(a). Pp. 6-11.
(b) Congress' power to regulate purely local activities that are part of an economic "class of activities" that have a substantial effect on interstate commerce is firmly established. See, e.g., Perez v. United States, 402 U. S. 146, 151. If Congress decides that the " 'total incidence' " of a practice poses a threat to a national market, it may regulate the entire class. See, e.g., id., at 154-155. Of particular relevance here is Wickard v. Filburn, 317 U. S. 111, 127-128, where, in rejecting the appellee farmer's contention that Congress' admitted power to regulate the production of wheat for commerce did not authorize federal regulation of wheat production intended wholly for the appellee's own consumption, the Court established that Congress can regulate purely intrastate activity that is not itself "commercial," i.e., not produced for sale, if it concludes that failure to regulate that class of activity would undercut the regulation of the interstate market in that commodity. The similarities between this case and Wickard are striking. In both cases, the regulation is squarely within Congress' commerce power because production of the commodity meant for home consumption, be it wheat or marijuana, has a substantial effect on supply and demand in the national market for that commodity. In assessing the scope of Congress' Commerce Clause authority, the Court need not determine whether respondents' activities, taken in the aggregate, substantially affect interstate commerce in fact, but only whether a "rational basis" exists for so concluding. E.g., Lopez, 514 U. S., at 557. Given the enforcement difficulties that attend distinguishing between marijuana cultivated locally and marijuana grown elsewhere, 21 U. S. C. §801(5), and concerns about diversion into illicit channels, the Court has no difficulty concluding that Congress had a rational basis for believing that failure to regulate the intrastate manufacture and possession of marijuana would leave a gaping hole in the CSA. Pp. 12-20.
(c) Respondents' heavy reliance on Lopez and Morrison overlooks the larger context of modern-era Commerce Clause jurisprudence preserved by those cases, while also reading those cases far too broadly. The statutory challenges at issue there were markedly different from the challenge here. Respondents ask the Court to excise individual applications of a concededly valid comprehensive statutory scheme. In contrast, in both Lopez and Morrison, the parties asserted that a particular statute or provision fell outside Congress' commerce power in its entirety. This distinction is pivotal for the Court has often reiterated that "[w]here the class of activities is regulated and that class is within the reach of federal power, the courts have no power 'to excise, as trivial, individual instances' of the class." Perez, 402 U. S., at 154. Moreover, the Court emphasized that the laws at issue in Lopez and Morrison had nothing to do with "commerce" or any sort of economic enterprise. See Lopez, 514 U. S., at 561; Morrison, 529 U. S., at 610. In contrast, the CSA regulates quintessentially economic activities: the production, distribution, and consumption of commodities for which there is an established, and lucrative, interstate market. Prohibiting the intrastate possession or manufacture of an article of commerce is a rational means of regulating commerce in that product. The Ninth Circuit cast doubt on the CSA's constitutionality by isolating a distinct class of activities that it held to be beyond the reach of federal power: the intrastate, noncommercial cultivation, possession, and use of marijuana for personal medical purposes on the advice of a physician and in accordance with state law. However, Congress clearly acted rationally in determining that this subdivided class of activities is an essential part of the larger regulatory scheme. The case comes down to the claim that a locally cultivated product that is used domestically rather than sold on the open market is not subject to federal regulation. Given the CSA's findings and the undisputed magnitude of the commercial market for marijuana, Wickard and its progeny foreclose that claim. Pp. 20-30.
352 F. 3d 1222, vacated and remanded.
Stevens, J., delivered the opinion of the Court, in which Kennedy, Souter, Ginsburg, and Breyer, JJ., joined. Scalia, J., filed an opinion concurring in the judgment. O'Connor, J., filed a dissenting opinion, in which Rehnquist, C. J., and Thomas, J., joined as to all but Part III. Thomas, J., filed a dissenting opinion.
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ALBERTO R. GONZALES, ATTORNEY GENERAL, et al., PETITIONERS v. ANGEL McCLARY RAICH et al.
on writ of certiorari to the united states court of appeals for the ninth circuit
[June 6, 2005]
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Justice Stevens delivered the opinion of the Court.
California is one of at least nine States that authorize the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes.1 The question presented in this case is whether the power vested in Congress by Article I, §8, of the Constitution "[t]o make all Laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into Execution" its authority to "regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States" includes the power to prohibit the local cultivation and use of marijuana in compliance with California law.
I
California has been a pioneer in the regulation of marijuana. In 1913, California was one of the first States to prohibit the sale and possession of marijuana,2 and at the end of the century, California became the first State to authorize limited use of the drug for medicinal purposes. In 1996, California voters passed Proposition 215, now codified as the Compassionate Use Act of 1996.3 The proposition was designed to ensure that "seriously ill" residents of the State have access to marijuana for medical purposes, and to encourage Federal and State Governments to take steps towards ensuring the safe and affordable distribution of the drug to patients in need.4 The Act creates an exemption from criminal prosecution for physicians,5 as well as for patients and primary caregivers who possess or cultivate marijuana for medicinal purposes with the recommendation or approval of a physician.6 A "primary caregiver" is a person who has consistently assumed responsibility for the housing, health, or safety of the patient.7
Respondents Angel Raich and Diane Monson are California residents who suffer from a variety of serious medical conditions and have sought to avail themselves of medical marijuana pursuant to the terms of the Compassionate Use Act. They are being treated by licensed, board-certified family practitioners, who have concluded, after prescribing a host of conventional medicines to treat respondents' conditions and to alleviate their associated symptoms, that marijuana is the only drug available that provides effective treatment. Both women have been using marijuana as a medication for several years pursuant to their doctors' recommendation, and both rely heavily on cannabis to function on a daily basis. Indeed, Raich's physician believes that forgoing cannabis treatments would certainly cause Raich excruciating pain and could very well prove fatal.
Respondent Monson cultivates her own marijuana, and ingests the drug in a variety of ways including smoking and using a vaporizer. Respondent Raich, by contrast, is unable to cultivate her own, and thus relies on two caregivers, litigating as "John Does," to provide her with locally grown marijuana at no charge. These caregivers also process the cannabis into hashish or keif, and Raich herself processes some of the marijuana into oils, balms, and foods for consumption.
On August 15, 2002, county deputy sheriffs and agents from the federal Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) came to Monson's home. After a thorough investigation, the county officials concluded that her use of marijuana was entirely lawful as a matter of California law. Nevertheless, after a 3-hour standoff, the federal agents seized and destroyed all six of her cannabis plants.
Respondents thereafter brought this action against the Attorney General of the United States and the head of the DEA seeking injunctive and declaratory relief prohibiting the enforcement of the federal Controlled Substances Act (CSA), 84 Stat. 1242, 21 U. S. C. §801 et seq., to the extent it prevents them from possessing, obtaining, or manufacturing cannabis for their personal medical use. In their complaint and supporting affidavits, Raich and Monson described the severity of their afflictions, their repeatedly futile attempts to obtain relief with conventional medications, and the opinions of their doctors concerning their need to use marijuana. Respondents claimed that enforcing the CSA against them would violate the Commerce Clause, the Due Process Clause of the Fifth Amendment, the Ninth and Tenth Amendments of the Constitution, and the doctrine of medical necessity.
The District Court denied respondents' motion for a preliminary injunction. Raich v. Ashcroft, 248 F. Supp. 2d 918 (ND Cal. 2003). Although the court found that the federal enforcement interests "wane[d]" when compared to the harm that California residents would suffer if denied access to medically necessary marijuana, it concluded that respondents could not demonstrate a likelihood of success on the merits of their legal claims. Id., at 931.
A divided panel of the Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit reversed and ordered the District Court to enter a preliminary injunction.8 Raich v. Ashcroft, 352 F. 3d 1222 (2003). The court found that respondents had "demonstrated a strong likelihood of success on their claim that, as applied to them, the CSA is an unconstitutional exercise of Congress' Commerce Clause authority." Id., at 1227. The Court of Appeals distinguished prior Circuit cases upholding the CSA in the face of Commerce Clause challenges by focusing on what it deemed to be the "separate and distinct class of activities" at issue in this case: "the intrastate, noncommercial cultivation and possession of cannabis for personal medical purposes as recommended by a patient's physician pursuant to valid California state law." Id., at 1228. The court found the latter class of activities "different in kind from drug trafficking" because interposing a physician's recommendation raises different health and safety concerns, and because "this limited use is clearly distinct from the broader illicit drug market--as well as any broader commercial market for medicinal marijuana--insofar as the medicinal marijuana at issue in this case is not intended for, nor does it enter, the stream of commerce." Ibid.
The majority placed heavy reliance on our decisions in United States v. Lopez, 514 U. S. 549 (1995), and United States v. Morrison, 529 U. S. 598 (2000), as interpreted by recent Circuit precedent, to hold that this separate class of purely local activities was beyond the reach of federal power. In contrast, the dissenting judge concluded that the CSA, as applied to respondents, was clearly valid under Lopez and Morrison; moreover, he thought it "simply impossible to distinguish the relevant conduct surrounding the cultivation and use of the marijuana crop at issue in this case from the cultivation and use of the wheat crop that affected interstate commerce in Wickard v. Filburn." 352 F. 3d, at 1235 (Beam, J., dissenting) (citation omitted).
The obvious importance of the case prompted our grant of certiorari. 542 U. S. 936 (2004). The case is made difficult by respondents' strong arguments that they will suffer irreparable harm because, despite a congressional finding to the contrary, marijuana does have valid therapeutic purposes. The question before us, however, is not whether it is wise to enforce the statute in these circumstances; rather, it is whether Congress' power to regulate interstate markets for medicinal substances encompasses the portions of those markets that are supplied with drugs produced and consumed locally. Well-settled law controls our answer. The CSA is a valid exercise of federal power, even as applied to the troubling facts of this case. We accordingly vacate the judgment of the Court of Appeals.
II
Shortly after taking office in 1969, President Nixon declared a national "war on drugs."9 As the first campaign of that war, Congress set out to enact legislation that would consolidate various drug laws on the books into a comprehensive statute, provide meaningful regulation over legitimate sources of drugs to prevent diversion into illegal channels, and strengthen law enforcement tools against the traffic in illicit drugs.10 That effort culminated in the passage of the Comprehensive Drug Abuse Prevention and Control Act of 1970, 84 Stat. 1236.
This was not, however, Congress' first attempt to regulate the national market in drugs. Rather, as early as 1906 Congress enacted federal legislation imposing labeling regulations on medications and prohibiting the manufacture or shipment of any adulterated or misbranded drug traveling in interstate commerce.11 Aside from these labeling restrictions, most domestic drug regulations prior to 1970 generally came in the guise of revenue laws, with the Department of the Treasury serving as the Federal Government's primary enforcer.12 For example, the primary drug control law, before being repealed by the passage of the CSA, was the Harrison Narcotics Act of 1914, 38 Stat. 785 (repealed 1970). The Harrison Act sought to exert control over the possession and sale of narcotics, specifically cocaine and opiates, by requiring producers, distributors, and purchasers to register with the Federal Government, by assessing taxes against parties so registered, and by regulating the issuance of prescriptions.13
Marijuana itself was not significantly regulated by the Federal Government until 1937 when accounts of marijuana's addictive qualities and physiological effects, paired with dissatisfaction with enforcement efforts at state and local levels, prompted Congress to pass the Marihuana Tax Act, Pub. L. 75-238, 50 Stat. 551 (repealed 1970).14 Like the Harrison Act, the Marihuana Tax Act did not outlaw the possession or sale of marijuana outright. Rather, it imposed registration and reporting requirements for all individuals importing, producing, selling, or dealing in marijuana, and required the payment of annual taxes in addition to transfer taxes whenever the drug changed hands.15 Moreover, doctors wishing to prescribe marijuana for medical purposes were required to comply with rather burdensome administrative requirements.16 Noncompliance exposed traffickers to severe federal penalties, whereas compliance would often subject them to prosecution under state law.17 Thus, while the Marihuana Tax Act did not declare the drug illegal per se, the onerous administrative requirements, the prohibitively expensive taxes, and the risks attendant on compliance practically curtailed the marijuana trade.
Then in 1970, after declaration of the national "war on drugs," federal drug policy underwent a significant transformation. A number of noteworthy events precipitated this policy shift. First, in Leary v. United States, 395 U. S. 6 (1969), this Court held certain provisions of the Marihuana Tax Act and other narcotics legislation unconstitutional. Second, at the end of his term, President Johnson fundamentally reorganized the federal drug control agencies. The Bureau of Narcotics, then housed in the Department of Treasury, merged with the Bureau of Drug Abuse Control, then housed in the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare (HEW), to create the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs, currently housed in the Department of Justice.18 Finally, prompted by a perceived need to consolidate the growing number of piecemeal drug laws and to enhance federal drug enforcement powers, Congress enacted the Comprehensive Drug Abuse Prevention and Control Act.19
Title II of that Act, the CSA, repealed most of the earlier antidrug laws in favor of a comprehensive regime to combat the international and interstate traffic in illicit drugs. The main objectives of the CSA were to conquer drug abuse and to control the legitimate and illegitimate traffic in controlled substances.20 Congress was particularly concerned with the need to prevent the diversion of drugs from legitimate to illicit channels.21
To effectuate these goals, Congress devised a closed regulatory system making it unlawful to manufacture, distribute, dispense, or possess any controlled substance except in a manner authorized by the CSA. 21 U. S. C. §§841(a)(1), 844(a). The CSA categorizes all controlled substances into five schedules. §812. The drugs are grouped together based on their accepted medical uses, the potential for abuse, and their psychological and physical effects on the body. §§811, 812. Each schedule is associated with a distinct set of controls regarding the manufacture, distribution, and use of the substances listed therein. §§821-830. The CSA and its implementing regulations set forth strict requirements regarding registration, labeling and packaging, production quotas, drug security, and recordkeeping. Ibid. 21 CFR §1301 et seq. (2004).
In enacting the CSA, Congress classified marijuana as a Schedule I drug. 21 U. S. C. §812(c). This preliminary classification was based, in part, on the recommendation of the Assistant Secretary of HEW "that marihuana be retained within schedule I at least until the completion of certain studies now underway."22 Schedule I drugs are categorized as such because of their high potential for abuse, lack of any accepted medical use, and absence of any accepted safety for use in medically supervised treatment. §812(b)(1). These three factors, in varying gradations, are also used to categorize drugs in the other four schedules. For example, Schedule II substances also have a high potential for abuse which may lead to severe psychological or physical dependence, but unlike Schedule I drugs, they have a currently accepted medical use. §812(b)(2). By classifying marijuana as a Schedule I drug, as opposed to listing it on a lesser schedule, the manufacture, distribution, or possession of marijuana became a criminal offense, with the sole exception being use of the drug as part of a Food and Drug Administration pre-approved research study. §§823(f), 841(a)(1), 844(a); see also United States v. Oakland Cannabis Buyers' Cooperative, 532 U. S. 483, 490 (2001).
The CSA provides for the periodic updating of schedules and delegates authority to the Attorney General, after consultation with the Secretary of Health and Human Services, to add, remove, or transfer substances to, from, or between schedules. §811. Despite considerable efforts to reschedule marijuana, it remains a Schedule I drug.23
III
Respondents in this case do not dispute that passage of the CSA, as part of the Comprehensive Drug Abuse Prevention and Control Act, was well within Congress' commerce power. Brief for Respondents 22, 38. Nor do they contend that any provision or section of the CSA amounts to an unconstitutional exercise of congressional authority. Rather, respondents' challenge is actually quite limited; they argue that the CSA's categorical prohibition of the manufacture and possession of marijuana as applied to the intrastate manufacture and possession of marijuana for medical purposes pursuant to California law exceeds Congress' authority under the Commerce Clause.
In assessing the validity of congressional regulation, none of our Commerce Clause cases can be viewed in isolation. As charted in considerable detail in United States v. Lopez, our understanding of the reach of the Commerce Clause, as well as Congress' assertion of authority thereunder, has evolved over time.24 The Commerce Clause emerged as the Framers' response to the central problem giving rise to the Constitution itself: the absence of any federal commerce power under the Articles of Confederation.25 For the first century of our history, the primary use of the Clause was to preclude the kind of discriminatory state legislation that had once been permissible.26 Then, in response to rapid industrial development and an increasingly interdependent national economy, Congress "ushered in a new era of federal regulation under the commerce power," beginning with the enactment of the Interstate Commerce Act in 1887, 24 Stat. 379, and the Sherman Antitrust Act in 1890, 26 Stat. 209, as amended, 15 U. S. C. §2 et seq.27
Cases decided during that "new era," which now spans more than a century, have identified three general categories of regulation in which Congress is authorized to engage under its commerce power. First, Congress can regulate the channels of interstate commerce. Perez v. United States, 402 U. S. 146, 150 (1971). Second, Congress has authority to regulate and protect the instrumentalities of interstate commerce, and persons or things in interstate commerce. Ibid. Third, Congress has the power to regulate activities that substantially affect interstate commerce. Ibid.; NLRB v. Jones & Laughlin Steel Corp., 301 U. S. 1, 37 (1937). Only the third category is implicated in the case at hand.
Our case law firmly establishes Congress' power to regulate purely local activities that are part of an economic "class of activities" that have a substantial effect on interstate commerce. See, e.g., Perez, 402 U. S., at 151; Wickard v. Filburn, 317 U. S. 111, 128-129 (1942). As we stated in Wickard, "even if appellee's activity be local and though it may not be regarded as commerce, it may still, whatever its nature, be reached by Congress if it exerts a substantial economic effect on interstate commerce." Id., at 125. We have never required Congress to legislate with scientific exactitude. When Congress decides that the " 'total incidence' " of a practice poses a threat to a national market, it may regulate the entire class. See Perez, 402 U. S., at 154-155 (quoting Westfall v. United States, 274 U. S. 256, 259 (1927) ("[W]hen it is necessary in order to prevent an evil to make the law embrace more than the precise thing to be prevented it may do so")). In this vein, we have reiterated that when " 'a general regulatory statute bears a substantial relation to commerce, the de minimis character of individual instances arising under that statute is of no consequence.' " E.g., Lopez, 514 U. S., at 558 (emphasis deleted) (quoting Maryland v. Wirtz, 392 U. S. 183, 196, n. 27 (1968)).
Our decision in Wickard, 317 U. S. 111, is of particular relevance. In Wickard, we upheld the application of regulations promulgated under the Agricultural Adjustment Act of 1938, 52 Stat. 31, which were designed to control the volume of wheat moving in interstate and foreign commerce in order to avoid surpluses and consequent abnormally low prices. The regulations established an allotment of 11.1 acres for Filburn's 1941 wheat crop, but he sowed 23 acres, intending to use the excess by consuming it on his own farm. Filburn argued that even though we had sustained Congress' power to regulate the production of goods for commerce, that power did not authorize "federal regulation [of] production not intended in any part for commerce but wholly for consumption on the farm." Wickard, 317 U. S., at 118. Justice Jackson's opinion for a unanimous Court rejected this submission. He wrote:
"The effect of the statute before us is to restrict the amount which may be produced for market and the extent as well to which one may forestall resort to the market by producing to meet his own needs. That appellee's own contribution to the demand for wheat may be trivial by itself is not enough to remove him from the scope of federal regulation where, as here, his contribution, taken together with that of many others similarly situated, is far from trivial." Id., at 127-128.
Wickard thus establishes that Congress can regulate purely intrastate activity that is not itself "commercial," in that it is not produced for sale, if it concludes that failure to regulate that class of activity would undercut the regulation of the interstate market in that commodity.
The similarities between this case and Wickard are striking. Like the farmer in Wickard, respondents are cultivating, for home consumption, a fungible commodity for which there is an established, albeit illegal, interstate market.28 Just as the Agricultural Adjustment Act was designed "to control the volume [of wheat] moving in interstate and foreign commerce in order to avoid surpluses ..." and consequently control the market price, id., at 115, a primary purpose of the CSA is to control the supply and demand of controlled substances in both lawful and unlawful drug markets. See nn. 20-21, supra. In Wickard, we had no difficulty concluding that Congress had a rational basis for believing that, when viewed in the aggregate, leaving home-consumed wheat outside the regulatory scheme would have a substantial influence on price and market conditions. Here too, Congress had a rational basis for concluding that leaving home-consumed marijuana outside federal control would similarly affect price and market conditions.
More concretely, one concern prompting inclusion of wheat grown for home consumption in the 1938 Act was that rising market prices could draw such wheat into the interstate market, resulting in lower market prices. Wickard, 317 U. S., at 128. The parallel concern making it appropriate to include marijuana grown for home consumption in the CSA is the likelihood that the high demand in the interstate market will draw such marijuana into that market. While the diversion of homegrown wheat tended to frustrate the federal interest in stabilizing prices by regulating the volume of commercial transactions in the interstate market, the diversion of homegrown marijuana tends to frustrate the federal interest in eliminating commercial transactions in the interstate market in their entirety. In both cases, the regulation is squarely within Congress' commerce power because production of the commodity meant for home consumption, be it wheat or marijuana, has a substantial effect on supply and demand in the national market for that commodity.29
Nonetheless, respondents suggest that Wickard differs from this case in three respects: (1) the Agricultural Adjustment Act, unlike the CSA, exempted small farming operations; (2) Wickard involved a "quintessential economic activity"--a commercial farm--whereas respondents do not sell marijuana; and (3) the Wickard record made it clear that the aggregate production of wheat for use on farms had a significant impact on market prices. Those differences, though factually accurate, do not diminish the precedential force of this Court's reasoning.
The fact that Wickard's own impact on the market was "trivial by itself " was not a sufficient reason for removing him from the scope of federal regulation. 317 U. S., at 127. That the Secretary of Agriculture elected to exempt even smaller farms from regulation does not speak to his power to regulate all those whose aggregated production was significant, nor did that fact play any role in the Court's analysis. Moreover, even though Wickard was indeed a commercial farmer, the activity he was engaged in--the cultivation of wheat for home consumption--was not treated by the Court as part of his commercial farming operation.30 And while it is true that the record in the Wickard case itself established the causal connection between the production for local use and the national market, we have before us findings by Congress to the same effect.
Findings in the introductory sections of the CSA explain why Congress deemed it appropriate to encompass local activities within the scope of the CSA. See n. 20, supra. The submissions of the parties and the numerous amici all seem to agree that the national, and international, market for marijuana has dimensions that are fully comparable to those defining the class of activities regulated by the Secretary pursuant to the 1938 statute.31 Respondents nonetheless insist that the CSA cannot be constitutionally applied to their activities because Congress did not make a specific finding that the intrastate cultivation and possession of marijuana for medical purposes based on the recommendation of a physician would substantially affect the larger interstate marijuana market. Be that as it may, we have never required Congress to make particularized findings in order to legislate, see Lopez, 514 U. S., at 562; Perez, 402 U. S., at 156, absent a special concern such as the protection of free speech, see, e.g., Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. v. FCC, 512 U. S. 622, 664-668 (1994) (plurality opinion). While congressional findings are certainly helpful in reviewing the substance of a congressional statutory scheme, particularly when the connection to commerce is not self-evident, and while we will consider congressional findings in our analysis when they are available, the absence of particularized findings does not call into question Congress' authority to legislate.32
In assessing the scope of Congress' authority under the Commerce Clause, we stress that the task before us is a modest one. We need not determine whether respondents' activities, taken in the aggregate, substantially affect interstate commerce in fact, but only whether a "rational basis" exists for so concluding. Lopez, 514 U. S., at 557; see also Hodel v. Virginia Surface Mining & Reclamation Assn., Inc., 452 U. S. 264, 276-280 (1981); Perez, 402 U. S., at 155-156; Katzenbach v. McClung, 379 U. S. 294, 299-301 (1964); Heart of Atlanta Motel, Inc. v. United States, 379 U. S. 241, 252-253 (1964). Given the enforcement difficulties that attend distinguishing between marijuana cultivated locally and marijuana grown elsewhere, 21 U. S. C. §801(5), and concerns about diversion into illicit channels,33 we have no difficulty concluding that Congress had a rational basis for believing that failure to regulate the intrastate manufacture and possession of marijuana would leave a gaping hole in the CSA. Thus, as in Wickard, when it enacted comprehensive legislation to regulate the interstate market in a fungible commodity, Congress was acting well within its authority to "make all Laws which shall be necessary and proper" to "regulate Commerce ... among the several States." U. S. Const., Art. I, §8. That the regulation ensnares some purely intrastate activity is of no moment. As we have done many times before, we refuse to excise individual components of that larger scheme.
IV
To support their contrary submission, respondents rely heavily on two of our more recent Commerce Clause cases. In their myopic focus, they overlook the larger context of modern-era Commerce Clause jurisprudence preserved by those cases. Moreover, even in the narrow prism of respondents' creation, they read those cases far too broadly. Those two cases, of course, are Lopez, 514 U. S. 549, and Morrison, 529 U. S. 598. As an initial matter, the statutory challenges at issue in those cases were markedly different from the challenge respondents pursue in the case at hand. Here, respondents ask us to excise individual applications of a concededly valid statutory scheme. In contrast, in both Lopez and Morrison, the parties asserted that a particular statute or provision fell outside Congress' commerce power in its entirety. This distinction is pivotal for we have often reiterated that "[w]here the class of activities is regulated and that class is within the reach of federal power, the courts have no power 'to excise, as trivial, individual instances' of the class." Perez, 402 U. S., at 154 (emphasis deleted) (quoting Wirtz, 392 U. S., at 193); see also Hodel, 452 U. S., at 308.
At issue in Lopez, 514 U. S. 549, was the validity of the Gun-Free School Zones Act of 1990, which was a brief, single-subject statute making it a crime for an individual to possess a gun in a school zone. 104 Stat. 4844-4845, 18 U. S. C. §922(q)(1)(A). The Act did not regulate any economic activity and did not contain any requirement that the possession of a gun have any connection to past interstate activity or a predictable impact on future commercial activity. Distinguishing our earlier cases holding that comprehensive regulatory statutes may be validly applied to local conduct that does not, when viewed in isolation, have a significant impact on interstate commerce, we held the statute invalid. We explained:
"Section 922(q) is a criminal statute that by its terms has nothing to do with 'commerce' or any sort of economic enterprise, however broadly one might define those terms. Section 922(q) is not an essential part of a larger regulation of economic activity, in which the regulatory scheme could be undercut unless the intrastate activity were regulated. It cannot, therefore, be sustained under our cases upholding regulations of activities that arise out of or are connected with a commercial transaction, which viewed in the aggregate, substantially affects interstate commerce." 514 U. S., at 561.
The statutory scheme that the Government is defending in this litigation is at the opposite end of the regulatory spectrum. As explained above, the CSA, enacted in 1970 as part of the Comprehensive Drug Abuse Prevention and Control Act, 84 Stat. 1242-1284, was a lengthy and detailed statute creating a comprehensive framework for regulating the production, distribution, and possession of five classes of "controlled substances." Most of those substances--those listed in Schedules II through V--"have a useful and legitimate medical purpose and are necessary to maintain the health and general welfare of the American people." 21 U. S. C. §801(1). The regulatory scheme is designed to foster the beneficial use of those medications, to prevent their misuse, and to prohibit entirely the possession or use of substances listed in Schedule I, except as a part of a strictly controlled research project.
While the statute provided for the periodic updating of the five schedules, Congress itself made the initial classifications. It identified 42 opiates, 22 opium derivatives, and 17 hallucinogenic substances as Schedule I drugs. 84 Stat. 1248. Marijuana was listed as the 10th item in the third subcategory. That classification, unlike the discrete prohibition established by the Gun-Free School Zones Act of 1990, was merely one of many "essential part[s] of a larger regulation of economic activity, in which the regulatory scheme could be undercut unless the intrastate activity were regulated." Lopez, 514 U. S., at 561.34 Our opinion in Lopez casts no doubt on the validity of such a program.
Nor does this Court's holding in Morrison, 529 U. S. 598. The Violence Against Women Act of 1994, 108 Stat. 1902, created a federal civil remedy for the victims of gender-motivated crimes of violence. 42 U. S. C. §13981. The remedy was enforceable in both state and federal courts, and generally depended on proof of the violation of a state law. Despite congressional findings that such crimes had an adverse impact on interstate commerce, we held the statute unconstitutional because, like the statute in Lopez, it did not regulate economic activity. We concluded that "the noneconomic, criminal nature of the conduct at issue was central to our decision" in Lopez, and that our prior cases had identified a clear pattern of analysis: " 'Where economic activity substantially affects interstate commerce, legislation regulating that activity will be sustained.' "35 Morrison, 529 U. S., at 610.
Unlike those at issue in Lopez and Morrison, the activities regulated by the CSA are quintessentially economic. "Economics" refers to "the production, distribution, and consumption of commodities." Webster's Third New International Dictionary 720 (1966). The CSA is a statute that regulates the production, distribution, and consumption of commodities for which there is an established, and lucrative, interstate market. Prohibiting the intrastate possession or manufacture of an article of commerce is a rational (and commonly utilized) means of regulating commerce in that product.36 Such prohibitions include specific decisions requiring that a drug be withdrawn from the market as a result of the failure to comply with regulatory requirements as well as decisions excluding Schedule I drugs entirely from the market. Because the CSA is a statute that directly regulates economic, commercial activity, our opinion in Morrison casts no doubt on its constitutionality.
The Court of Appeals was able to conclude otherwise only by isolating a "separate and distinct" class of activities that it held to be beyond the reach of federal power, defined as "the intrastate, noncommercial cultivation, possession and use of marijuana for personal medical purposes on the advice of a physician and in accordance with state law." 352 F. 3d, at 1229. The court characterized this class as "different in kind from drug trafficking." Id., at 1228. The differences between the members of a class so defined and the principal traffickers in Schedule I substances might be sufficient to justify a policy decision exempting the narrower class from the coverage of the CSA. The question, however, is whether Congress' contrary policy judgment, i.e., its decision to include this narrower "class of activities" within the larger regulatory scheme, was constitutionally deficient. We have no difficulty concluding that Congress acted rationally in determining that none of the characteristics making up the purported class, whether viewed individually or in the aggregate, compelled an exemption from the CSA; rather, the subdivided class of activities defined by the Court of Appeals was an essential part of the larger regulatory scheme.
First, the fact that marijuana is used "for personal medical purposes on the advice of a physician" cannot itself serve as a distinguishing factor. 352 F. 3d, at 1229. The CSA designates marijuana as contraband for any purpose; in fact, by characterizing marijuana as a Schedule I drug, Congress expressly found that the drug has no acceptable medical uses. Moreover, the CSA is a comprehensive regulatory regime specifically designed to regulate which controlled substances can be utilized for medicinal purposes, and in what manner. Indeed, most of the substances classified in the CSA "have a useful and legitimate medical purpose." 21 U. S. C. §801(1). Thus, even if respondents are correct that marijuana does have accepted medical uses and thus should be redesignated as a lesser schedule drug,37 the CSA would still impose controls beyond what is required by California law. The CSA requires manufacturers, physicians, pharmacies, and other handlers of controlled substances to comply with statutory and regulatory provisions mandating registration with the DEA, compliance with specific production quotas, security controls to guard against diversion, recordkeeping and reporting obligations, and prescription requirements. See 21 U. S. C. §§821-830; 21 CFR §1301 et seq. (2004). Furthermore, the dispensing of new drugs, even when doctors approve their use, must await federal approval. United States v. Rutherford, 442 U. S. 544 (1979). Accordingly, the mere fact that marijuana--like virtually every other controlled substance regulated by the CSA--is used for medicinal purposes cannot possibly serve to distinguish it from the core activities regulated by the CSA.
Nor can it serve as an "objective marke[r]" or "objective facto[r]" to arbitrarily narrow the relevant class as the dissenters suggest, post, at 6 (O'Connor, J., dissenting); post, at 12 (Thomas, J., dissenting). More fundamentally, if, as the principal dissent contends, the personal cultivation, possession, and use of marijuana for medicinal purposes is beyond the " 'outer limits' of Congress' Commerce Clause authority," post, at 1 (O'Connor, J., dissenting), it must also be true that such personal use of marijuana (or any other homegrown drug) for recreational purposes is also beyond those " 'outer limits,' " whether or not a State elects to authorize or even regulate such use. Justice Thomas' separate dissent suffers from the same sweeping implications. That is, the dissenters' rationale logically extends to place any federal regulation (including quality, prescription, or quantity controls) of any locally cultivated and possessed controlled substance for any purpose beyond the " 'outer limits' " of Congress' Commerce Clause authority. One need not have a degree in economics to understand why a nationwide exemption for the vast quantity of marijuana (or other drugs) locally cultivated for personal use (which presumably would include use by friends, neighbors, and family members) may have a substantial impact on the interstate market for this extraordinarily popular substance. The congressional judgment that an exemption for such a significant segment of the total market would undermine the orderly enforcement of the entire regulatory scheme is entitled to a strong presumption of validity. Indeed, that judgment is not only rational, but "visible to the naked eye," Lopez, 514 U. S., at 563, under any commonsense appraisal of the probable consequences of such an open-ended exemption.
Second, limiting the activity to marijuana possession and cultivation "in accordance with state law" cannot serve to place respondents' activities beyond congressional reach. The Supremacy Clause unambiguously provides that if there is any conflict between federal and state law, federal law shall prevail. It is beyond peradventure that federal power over commerce is " 'superior to that of the States to provide for the welfare or necessities of their inhabitants,' " however legitimate or dire those necessities may be. Wirtz, 392 U. S., at 196 (quoting Sanitary Dist. of Chicago v. United States, 266 U. S. 405, 426 (1925)). See also 392 U. S., at 195-196; Wickard, 317 U. S., at 124 (" '[N]o form of state activity can constitutionally thwart the regulatory power granted by the commerce clause to Congress' "). Just as state acquiescence to federal regulation cannot expand the bounds of the Commerce Clause, see, e.g., Morrison, 529 U. S., at 661-662 (Breyer, J., dissenting) (noting that 38 States requested federal intervention), so too state action cannot circumscribe Congress' plenary commerce power. See United States v. Darby, 312 U. S. 100, 114 (1941) ("That power can neither be enlarged nor diminished by the exercise or non-exercise of state power").38
Respondents acknowledge this proposition, but nonetheless contend that their activities were not "an essential part of a larger regulatory scheme" because they had been "isolated by the State of California, and [are] policed by the State of California," and thus remain "entirely separated from the market." Tr. of Oral Arg. 27. The dissenters fall prey to similar reasoning. See n. 38, supra this page. The notion that California law has surgically excised a discrete activity that is hermetically sealed off from the larger interstate marijuana market is a dubious proposition, and, more importantly, one that Congress could have rationally rejected.
Indeed, that the California exemptions will have a significant impact on both the supply and demand sides of the market for marijuana is not just "plausible" as the principal dissent concedes, post, at 16 (O'Connor, J., dissenting), it is readily apparent. The exemption for physicians provides them with an economic incentive to grant their patients permission to use the drug. In contrast to most prescriptions for legal drugs, which limit the dosage and duration of the usage, under California law the doctor's permission to recommend marijuana use is open-ended. The authority to grant permission whenever the doctor determines that a patient is afflicted with "any other illness for which marijuana provides relief," Cal. Health & Safety Code Ann. §11362.5(b)(1)(A) (West Supp. 2005), is broad enough to allow even the most scrupulous doctor to conclude that some recreational uses would be therapeutic.39 And our cases have taught us that there are some unscrupulous physicians who overprescribe when it is sufficiently profitable to do so.40
The exemption for cultivation by patients and caregivers can only increase the supply of marijuana in the California market.41 The likelihood that all such production will promptly terminate when patients recover or will precisely match the patients' medical needs during their convalescence seems remote; whereas the danger that excesses will satisfy some of the admittedly enormous demand for recreational use seems obvious.42 Moreover, that the national and international narcotics trade has thrived in the face of vigorous criminal enforcement efforts suggests that no small number of unscrupulous people will make use of the California exemptions to serve their commercial ends whenever it is feasible to do so.43 Taking into account the fact that California is only one of at least nine States to have authorized the medical use of marijuana, a fact Justice O'Connor's dissent conveniently disregards in arguing that the demonstrated effect on commerce while admittedly "plausible" is ultimately "unsubstantiated," post, at 14, 16, Congress could have rationally concluded that the aggregate impact on the national market of all the transactions exempted from federal supervision is unquestionably substantial.
So, from the "separate and distinct" class of activities identified by the Court of Appeals (and adopted by the dissenters), we are left with "the intrastate, noncommercial cultivation, possession and use of marijuana." 352 F. 3d, at 1229. Thus the case for the exemption comes down to the claim that a locally cultivated product that is used domestically rather than sold on the open market is not subject to federal regulation. Given the findings in the CSA and the undisputed magnitude of the commercial market for marijuana, our decisions in Wickard v. Filburn and the later cases endorsing its reasoning foreclose that claim.
V
Respondents also raise a substantive due process claim and seek to avail themselves of the medical necessity defense. These theories of relief were set forth in their complaint but were not reached by the Court of Appeals. We therefore do not address the question whether judicial relief is available to respondents on these alternative bases. We do note, however, the presence of another avenue of relief. As the Solicitor General confirmed during oral argument, the statute authorizes procedures for the reclassification of Schedule I drugs. But perhaps even more important than these legal avenues is the democratic process, in which the voices of voters allied with these respondents may one day be heard in the halls of Congress. Under the present state of the law, however, the judgment of the Court of Appeals must be vacated. The case is remanded for further proceedings consistent with this opinion.
It is so ordered.
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ALBERTO R. GONZALES, ATTORNEY GENERAL, et al., PETITIONERS v. ANGEL McCLARY RAICH et al.
on writ of certiorari to the united states court of appeals for the ninth circuit
[June 6, 2005]
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Justice Scalia, concurring in the judgment.
I agree with the Court's holding that the Controlled Substances Act (CSA) may validly be applied to respondents' cultivation, distribution, and possession of marijuana for personal, medicinal use. I write separately because my understanding of the doctrinal foundation on which that holding rests is, if not inconsistent with that of the Court, at least more nuanced.
Since Perez v. United States, 402 U. S. 146 (1971), our cases have mechanically recited that the Commerce Clause permits congressional regulation of three categories: (1) the channels of interstate commerce; (2) the instrumentalities of interstate commerce, and persons or things in interstate commerce; and (3) activities that "substantially affect" interstate commerce. Id., at 150; see United States v. Morrison, 529 U. S. 598, 608-609 (2000); United States v. Lopez, 514 U. S. 549, 558-559 (1995); Hodel v. Virginia Surface Mining & Reclamation Assn., Inc., 452 U. S. 264, 276-277 (1981). The first two categories are self-evident, since they are the ingredients of interstate commerce itself. See Gibbons v. Ogden, 9 Wheat. 1, 189-190 (1824). The third category, however, is different in kind, and its recitation without explanation is misleading and incomplete.
It is misleading because, unlike the channels, instrumentalities, and agents of interstate commerce, activities that substantially affect interstate commerce are not themselves part of interstate commerce, and thus the power to regulate them cannot come from the Commerce Clause alone. Rather, as this Court has acknowledged since at least United States v. Coombs, 12 Pet. 72 (1838), Congress's regulatory authority over intrastate activities that are not themselves part of interstate commerce (including activities that have a substantial effect on interstate commerce) derives from the Necessary and Proper Clause. Id., at 78; Katzenbach v. McClung, 379 U. S. 294, 301-302 (1964); United States v. Wrightwood Dairy Co., 315 U. S. 110, 119 (1942); Shreveport Rate Cases, 234 U. S. 342, 353 (1914); United States v. E. C. Knight Co., 156 U. S. 1, 39-40 (1895) (Harlan, J., dissenting).1 And the category of "activities that substantially affect interstate commerce," Lopez, supra, at 559, is incomplete because the authority to enact laws necessary and proper for the regulation of interstate commerce is not limited to laws governing intrastate activities that substantially affect interstate commerce. Where necessary to make a regulation of interstate commerce effective, Congress may regulate even those intrastate activities that do not themselves substantially affect interstate commerce.
I
Our cases show that the regulation of intrastate activities may be necessary to and proper for the regulation of interstate commerce in two general circumstances. Most directly, the commerce power permits Congress not only to devise rules for the governance of commerce between States but also to facilitate interstate commerce by eliminating potential obstructions, and to restrict it by eliminating potential stimulants. See NLRB v. Jones & Laughlin Steel Corp., 301 U. S. 1, 36-37 (1937). That is why the Court has repeatedly sustained congressional legislation on the ground that the regulated activities had a substantial effect on interstate commerce. See, e.g., Hodel, supra, at 281 (surface coal mining); Katzenbach, supra, at 300 (discrimination by restaurants); Heart of Atlanta Motel, Inc. v. United States, 379 U. S. 241, 258 (1964) (discrimination by hotels); Mandeville Island Farms v. American Crystal Sugar Co., 334 U. S. 219, 237 (1948) (intrastate price-fixing); Board of Trade of Chicago v. Olsen, 262 U. S. 1, 40 (1923) (activities of a local grain exchange); Stafford v. Wallace, 258 U. S. 495, 517, 524-525 (1922) (intrastate transactions at stockyard). Lopez and Morrison recognized the expansive scope of Congress's authority in this regard: "[T]he pattern is clear. Where economic activity substantially affects interstate commerce, legislation regulating that activity will be sustained." Lopez, supra, at 560; Morrison, supra, at 610 (same).
This principle is not without limitation. In Lopez and Morrison, the Court--conscious of the potential of the "substantially affects" test to " 'obliterate the distinction between what is national and what is local,' " Lopez, supra, at 566-567 (quoting A. L. A. Schechter Poultry Corp. v. United States, 295 U. S. 495, 554 (1935)); see also Morrison, supra, at 615-616--rejected the argument that Congress may regulate noneconomic activity based solely on the effect that it may have on interstate commerce through a remote chain of inferences. Lopez, supra, at 564-566; Morrison, supra, at 617-618. "[I]f we were to accept [such] arguments," the Court reasoned in Lopez, "we are hard pressed to posit any activity by an individual that Congress is without power to regulate." Lopez, supra, at 564; see also Morrison, supra, at 615-616. Thus, although Congress's authority to regulate intrastate activity that substantially affects interstate commerce is broad, it does not permit the Court to "pile inference upon inference," Lopez, supra, at 567, in order to establish that noneconomic activity has a substantial effect on interstate commerce.
As we implicitly acknowledged in Lopez, however, Congress's authority to enact laws necessary and proper for the regulation of interstate commerce is not limited to laws directed against economic activities that have a substantial effect on interstate commerce. Though the conduct in Lopez was not economic, the Court nevertheless recognized that it could be regulated as "an essential part of a larger regulation of economic activity, in which the regulatory scheme could be undercut unless the intrastate activity were regulated." 514 U. S., at 561. This statement referred to those cases permitting the regulation of intrastate activities "which in a substantial way interfere with or obstruct the exercise of the granted power." Wrightwood Dairy Co., 315 U. S., at 119; see also United States v. Darby, 312 U. S. 100, 118-119 (1941); Shreveport Rate Cases, 234 U. S., at 353. As the Court put it in Wrightwood Dairy, where Congress has the authority to enact a regulation of interstate commerce, "it possesses every power needed to make that regulation effective." 315 U. S., at 118-119.
Although this power "to make ... regulation effective" commonly overlaps with the authority to regulate economic activities that substantially affect interstate commerce,2 and may in some cases have been confused with that authority, the two are distinct. The regulation of an intrastate activity may be essential to a comprehensive regulation of interstate commerce even though the intrastate activity does not itself "substantially affect" interstate commerce. Moreover, as the passage from Lopez quoted above suggests, Congress may regulate even noneconomic local activity if that regulation is a necessary part of a more general regulation of interstate commerce. See Lopez, supra, at 561. The relevant question is simply whether the means chosen are "reasonably adapted" to the attainment of a legitimate end under the commerce power. See Darby, supra, at 121.
In Darby, for instance, the Court explained that "Congress, having ... adopted the policy of excluding from interstate commerce all goods produced for the commerce which do not conform to the specified labor standards," 312 U. S., at 121, could not only require employers engaged in the production of goods for interstate commerce to conform to wage and hour standards, id., at 119-121, but could also require those employers to keep employment records in order to demonstrate compliance with the regulatory scheme, id., at 125. While the Court sustained the former regulation on the alternative ground that the activity it regulated could have a "great effect" on interstate commerce, id., at 122-123, it affirmed the latter on the sole ground that "[t]he requirement for records even of the intrastate transaction is an appropriate means to a legitimate end," id., at 125.
As the Court said in the Shreveport Rate Cases, the Necessary and Proper Clause does not give "Congress ... the authority to regulate the internal commerce of a State, as such," but it does allow Congress "to take all measures necessary or appropriate to" the effective regulation of the interstate market, "although intrastate transactions ... may thereby be controlled." 234 U. S., at 353; see also Jones & Laughlin Steel Corp., 301 U. S., at 38 (the logic of the Shreveport Rate Cases is not limited to instrumentalities of commerce).
II
Today's principal dissent objects that, by permitting Congress to regulate activities necessary to effective interstate regulation, the Court reduces Lopez and Morrison to "little more than a drafting guide." Post, at 5 (opinion of O'Connor, J.). I think that criticism unjustified. Unlike the power to regulate activities that have a substantial effect on interstate commerce, the power to enact laws enabling effective regulation of interstate commerce can only be exercised in conjunction with congressional regulation of an interstate market, and it extends only to those measures necessary to make the interstate regulation effective. As Lopez itself states, and the Court affirms today, Congress may regulate noneconomic intrastate activities only where the failure to do so "could ... undercut" its regulation of interstate commerce. See Lopez, supra, at 561; ante, at 15, 21, 22. This is not a power that threatens to obliterate the line between "what is truly national and what is truly local." Lopez, supra, at 567-568.
Lopez and Morrison affirm that Congress may not regulate certain "purely local" activity within the States based solely on the attenuated effect that such activity may have in the interstate market. But those decisions do not declare noneconomic intrastate activities to be categorically beyond the reach of the Federal Government. Neither case involved the power of Congress to exert control over intrastate activities in connection with a more comprehensive scheme of regulation; Lopez expressly disclaimed that it was such a case, 514 U. S., at 561, and Morrison did not even discuss the possibility that it was. (The Court of Appeals in Morrison made clear that it was not. See Brzonkala v. Virginia Polytechnic Inst., 169 F. 3d 820, 834-835 (CA4 1999) (en banc).) To dismiss this distinction as "superficial and formalistic," see post, at 6 (O'Connor, J., dissenting), is to misunderstand the nature of the Necessary and Proper Clause, which empowers Congress to enact laws in effectuation of its enumerated powers that are not within its authority to enact in isolation. See McCulloch v. Maryland, 4 Wheat. 316, 421-422 (1819).
And there are other restraints upon the Necessary and Proper Clause authority. As Chief Justice Marshall wrote in McCulloch v. Maryland, even when the end is constitutional and legitimate, the means must be "appropriate" and "plainly adapted" to that end. Id., at 421. Moreover, they may not be otherwise "prohibited" and must be "consistent with the letter and spirit of the constitution." Ibid. These phrases are not merely hortatory. For example, cases such as Printz v. United States, 521 U. S. 898 (1997), and New York v. United States, 505 U. S. 144 (1992), affirm that a law is not " 'proper for carrying into Execution the Commerce Clause' " "[w]hen [it] violates [a constitutional] principle of state sovereignty." Printz, supra, at 923-924; see also New York, supra, at 166.
III
The application of these principles to the case before us is straightforward. In the CSA, Congress has undertaken to extinguish the interstate market in Schedule I controlled substances, including marijuana. The Commerce Clause unquestionably permits this. The power to regulate interstate commerce "extends not only to those regulations which aid, foster and protect the commerce, but embraces those which prohibit it." Darby, 312 U. S., at 113. See also Hipolite Egg Co. v. United States, 220 U. S. 45, 58 (1911); Lottery Case, 188 U. S. 321, 354 (1903). To effectuate its objective, Congress has prohibited almost all intrastate activities related to Schedule I substances--both economic activities (manufacture, distribution, possession with the intent to distribute) and noneconomic activities (simple possession). See 21 U. S. C. §§841(a), 844(a). That simple possession is a noneconomic activity is immaterial to whether it can be prohibited as a necessary part of a larger regulation. Rather, Congress's authority to enact all of these prohibitions of intrastate controlled-substance activities depends only upon whether they are appropriate means of achieving the legitimate end of eradicating Schedule I substances from interstate commerce.
By this measure, I think the regulation must be sustained. Not only is it impossible to distinguish "controlled substances manufactured and distributed intrastate" from "controlled substances manufactured and distributed interstat |
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Date: September 1st, 2005 5:38 PM Author: Disturbing Private Investor I thought it was about time I posted in this thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#3721786) |
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Date: September 14th, 2005 7:00 PM Author: cordovan pontificating Whoever makes the next post enters into a binding contract to suck the stuff off of Guadalupe's tits. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#3823057) |
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Date: September 15th, 2005 5:41 PM Author: White Macaca Defense of duress - today seems to be Bump the Classics Day (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#3829712) |
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Date: September 15th, 2005 5:45 PM Author: duck-like Subject: I am the last poster.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 what do I win, huh whatda I win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#3829752) |
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Date: September 19th, 2005 3:25 PM Author: Wine Pea-brained Chapter 1 - Marley's Ghost
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Scrooge knew he was dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Scrooge and he were partners for I don't know how many years. Scrooge was his sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole assign, his sole residuary legatee, his sole friend, and sole mourner. And even Scrooge was not so dreadfully cut up by the sad event, but that he was an excellent man of business on the very day of the funeral, and solemnised it with an undoubted bargain.
The mention of Marley's funeral brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt that Marley was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. If we were not perfectly convinced that Hamlet's Father died before the play began, there would be nothing more remarkable in his taking a stroll at night, in an easterly wind, upon his own ramparts, than there would be in any other middle-aged gentleman rashly turning out after dark in a breezy spot -- say Saint Paul's Churchyard for instance -- literally to astonish his son's weak mind.
Scrooge never painted out Old Marley's name. There it stood, years afterwards, above the ware-house door: Scrooge and Marley. The firm was known as Scrooge and Marley. Sometimes people new to the business called Scrooge Scrooge, and sometimes Marley, but he answered to both names. It was all the same to him.
Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shrivelled his cheek, stiffened his gait; made his eyes red, his thin lips blue; and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice. A frosty rime was on his head, and on his eyebrows, and his wiry chin. He carried his own low temperature always about with him; he iced his office in the dog-days; and didn't thaw it one degree at Christmas.
External heat and cold had little influence on Scrooge. No warmth could warm, no wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew was bitterer than he, no falling snow was more intent upon its purpose, no pelting rain less open to entreaty. Foul weather didn't know where to have him. The heaviest rain, and snow, and hail, and sleet, could boast of the advantage over him in only one respect. They often came down handsomely, and Scrooge never did.
Nobody ever stopped him in the street to say, with gladsome looks, ``My dear Scrooge, how are you. When will you come to see me.'' No beggars implored him to bestow a trifle, no children asked him what it was o'clock, no man or woman ever once in all his life inquired the way to such and such a place, of Scrooge. Even the blindmen's dogs appeared to know him; and when they saw him coming on, would tug their owners into doorways and up courts; and then would wag their tails as though they said, ``No eye at all is better than an evil eye, dark master! ''
But what did Scrooge care! It was the very thing he liked. To edge his way along the crowded paths of life, warning all human sympathy to keep its distance, was what the knowing ones call nuts to Scrooge.
Once upon a time -- of all the good days in the year, on Christmas Eve -- old Scrooge sat busy in his counting-house. It was cold, bleak, biting weather: foggy withal: and he could hear the people in the court outside, go wheezing up and down, beating their hands upon their breasts, and stamping their feet upon the pavement stones to warm them. The city clocks had only just gone three, but it was quite dark already: it had not been light all day: and candles were flaring in the windows of the neighbouring offices, like ruddy smears upon the palpable brown air. The fog came pouring in at every chink and keyhole, and was so dense without, that although the court was of the narrowest, the houses opposite were mere phantoms. To see the dingy cloud come drooping down, obscuring everything, one might have thought that Nature lived hard by, and was brewing on a large scale.
The door of Scrooge's counting-house was open that he might keep his eye upon his clerk, who in a dismal little cell beyond, a sort of tank, was copying letters. Scrooge had a very small fire, but the clerk's fire was so very much smaller that it looked like one coal. But he couldn't replenish it, for Scrooge kept the coal-box in his own room; and so surely as the clerk came in with the shovel, the master predicted that it would be necessary for them to part. Wherefore the clerk put on his white comforter, and tried to warm himself at the candle; in which effort, not being a man of a strong imagination, he failed.
``A merry Christmas, uncle! God save you!'' cried a cheerful voice. It was the voice of Scrooge's nephew, who came upon him so quickly that this was the first intimation he had of his approach.
``Bah!'' said Scrooge, ``Humbug!''
He had so heated himself with rapid walking in the fog and frost, this nephew of Scrooge's, that he was all in a glow; his face was ruddy and handsome; his eyes sparkled, and his breath smoked again.
``Christmas a humbug, uncle!'' said Scrooge's nephew. ``You don't mean that, I am sure.''
``I do,'' said Scrooge. ``Merry Christmas! What right have you to be merry? what reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough.''
``Come, then,'' returned the nephew gaily. ``What right have you to be dismal? what reason have you to be morose? You're rich enough.''
Scrooge having no better answer ready on the spur of the moment, said, ``Bah!'' again; and followed it up with ``Humbug.''
``Don't be cross, uncle,'' said the nephew.
``What else can I be,'' returned the uncle, ``when I live in such a world of fools as this Merry Christmas! Out upon merry Christmas. What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer; a time for balancing your books and having every item in 'em through a round dozen of months presented dead against you? If I could work my will,'' said Scrooge indignantly, ``every idiot who goes about with ``Merry Christmas'' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!''
``Uncle!'' pleaded the nephew.
``Nephew!'' returned the uncle, sternly, ``keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine.''
``Keep it!'' repeated Scrooge's nephew. ``But you don't keep it.''
``Let me leave it alone, then,'' said Scrooge. ``Much good may it do you! Much good it has ever done you!''
``There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say,'' returned the nephew: ``Christmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round -- apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that -- as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!''
The clerk in the tank involuntarily applauded. Becoming immediately sensible of the impropriety, he poked the fire, and extinguished the last frail spark for ever.
``Let me hear another sound from you,'' said Scrooge, `` and you'll keep your Christmas by losing your situation. You're quite a powerful speaker, sir,'' he added, turning to his nephew. ``I wonder you don't go into Parliament.''
``Don't be angry, uncle. Come! Dine with us to-morrow.''
Scrooge said that he would see him -- yes, indeed he did. He went the whole length of the expression, and said that he would see him in that extremity first.
``But why?'' cried Scrooge's nephew. ``Why?''
``Why did you get married?'' said Scrooge.
``Because I fell in love.''
``Because you fell in love!'' growled Scrooge, as if that were the only one thing in the world more ridiculous than a merry Christmas. ``Good afternoon!''
``Nay, uncle, but you never came to see me before that happened. Why give it as a reason for not coming now?''
``Good afternoon,'' said Scrooge.
``I want nothing from you; I ask nothing of you; why cannot we be friends?''
``Good afternoon,'' said Scrooge.
``I am sorry, with all my heart, to find you so resolute. We have never had any quarrel, to which I have been a party. But I have made the trial in homage to Christmas, and I'll keep my Christmas humour to the last. So A Merry Christmas, uncle!''
``Good afternoon!'' said Scrooge.
``And A Happy New Year!''
``Good afternoon!'' said Scrooge.
His nephew left the room without an angry word, notwithstanding. He stopped at the outer door to bestow the greeting of the season on the clerk, who, cold as he was, was warmer than Scrooge; for he returned them cordially.
``There's another fellow,'' muttered Scrooge; who overheard him: ``my clerk, with fifteen shillings a week, and a wife and family, talking about a merry Christmas. I'll retire to Bedlam.''
This lunatic, in letting Scrooge's nephew out, had let two other people in. They were portly gentlemen, pleasant to behold, and now stood, with their hats off, in Scrooge's office. They had books and papers in their hands, and bowed to him.
``Scrooge and Marley's, I believe,'' said one of the gentlemen, referring to his list. ``Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr Scrooge, or Mr Marley?''
``Mr Marley has been dead these seven years,'' Scrooge replied. ``He died seven years ago, this very night.''
``We have no doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner,'' said the gentleman, presenting his credentials.
It certainly was; for they had been two kindred spirits. At the ominous word ``liberality'', Scrooge frowned, and shook his head, and handed the credentials back.
``At this festive season of the year, Mr Scrooge,'' said the gentleman, taking up a pen, ``it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir.''
``Are there no prisons?'' asked Scrooge.
``Plenty of prisons,'' said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.
``And the Union workhouses?'' demanded Scrooge. ``Are they still in operation?''
``They are. Still,'' returned the gentleman, `` I wish I could say they were not.''
``The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?'' said Scrooge.
``Both very busy, sir.''
``Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,'' said Scrooge. ``I'm very glad to hear it.''
``Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the multitude,'' returned the gentleman, ``a few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the Poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. We choose this time, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices. What shall I put you down for?''
``Nothing!'' Scrooge replied.
``You wish to be anonymous?''
``I wish to be left alone,'' said Scrooge. ``Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned: they cost enough: and those who are badly off must go there.''
``Many can't go there; and many would rather die.''
``If they would rather die,'' said Scrooge, ``they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. Besides -- excuse me -- I don't know that.''
``But you might know it,'' observed the gentleman.
``It's not my business,'' Scrooge returned. ``It's enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people's. Mine occupies me constantly. Good afternoon, gentlemen!''
Seeing clearly that it would be useless to pursue their point, the gentlemen withdrew. Scrooge resumed his labours with an improved opinion of himself, and in a more facetious temper than was usual with him.
Meanwhile the fog and darkness thickened so, that people ran about with flaring links, proffering their services to go before horses in carriages, and conduct them on their way. The ancient tower of a church, whose gruff old bell was always peeping slily down at Scrooge out of a gothic window in the wall, became invisible, and struck the hours and quarters in the clouds, with tremulous vibrations afterwards as if its teeth were chattering in its frozen head up there. The cold became intense. In the main street, at the corner of the court, some labourers were repairing the gas-pipes, and had lighted a great fire in a brazier, round which a party of ragged men and boys were gathered: warming their hands and winking their eyes before the blaze in rapture. The water-plug being left in solitude, its overflowings sullenly congealed, and turned to misanthropic ice. The brightness of the shops where holly sprigs and berries crackled in the lamp-heat of the windows, made pale faces ruddy as they passed. Poulterers' and grocers' trades became a splendid joke: a glorious pageant, with which it was next to impossible to believe that such dull principles as bargain and sale had anything to do. The Lord Mayor, in the stronghold of the might Mansion House, gave orders to his fifty cooks and butlers to keep Christmas as a Lord Mayor's household should; and even the little tailor, whom he had fined five shillings on the previous Monday for being drunk and bloodthirsty in the streets, stirred up tomorrow's pudding in his garret, while his lean wife and the baby sallied out to buy the beef.
Foggier yet, and colder! Piercing, searching, biting cold. If the good Saint Dunstan had but nipped the Evil Spirit's nose with a touch of such weather as that, instead of using his familiar weapons, then indeed he would have roared to lusty purpose. The owner of one scant young nose, gnawed and mumbled by the hungry cold as bones are gnawed by dogs, stooped down at Scrooge's keyhole to regale him with a Christmas carol: but at the first sound of God bless you, merry gentleman! May nothing you dismay! Scrooge seized the ruler with such energy of action that the singer fled in terror, leaving the keyhole to the fog and even more congenial frost.
At length the hour of shutting up the counting-house arrived. With an ill-will Scrooge dismounted from his stool, and tacitly admitted the fact to the expectant clerk in the Tank, who instantly snuffed his candle out, and put on his hat.
``You'll want all day tomorrow, I suppose?'' said Scrooge.
``If quite convenient, Sir.''
``It's not convenient,'' said Scrooge, ``and it's not fair. If I was to stop half-a-crown for it, you'd think yourself ill-used, I 'll be bound?''
The clerk smiled faintly.
``And yet,'' said Scrooge, ``you don't think me ill-used, when I pay a day's wages for no work.''
The clerk observed that it was only once a year.
``A poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every twenty-fifth of December!'' said Scrooge, buttoning his great-coat to the chin. ``But I suppose you must have the whole day. Be here all the earlier next morning!''
The clerk promised that he would; and Scrooge walked out with a growl. The office was closed in a twinkling, and the clerk, with the long ends of his white comforter dangling below his waist (for he boasted no great-coat), went down a slide on Cornhill, at the end of a lane of boys, twenty times, in honour of its being Christmas Eve, and then ran home to Camden Town as hard as he could pelt, to play at blindman's buff.
Scrooge took his melancholy dinner in his usual melancholy tavern; and having read all the newspapers, and beguiled the rest of the evening with his banker's-book, went home to bed. He lived in chambers which had once belonged to his deceased partner. They were a gloomy suite of rooms, in a lowering pile of building up a yard, where it had so little business to be, that one could scarcely help fancying it must have run there when it was a young house, playing at hide-and-seek with other houses, and have forgotten the way out again. It was old enough now, and dreary enough, for nobody lived in it but Scrooge, the other rooms being all let out as offices. The yard was so dark that even Scrooge, who knew its every stone, was fain to grope with his hands. The fog and frost so hung about the black old gateway of the house, that it seemed as if the Genius of the Weather sat in mournful meditation on the threshold.
Now, it is a fact, that there was nothing at all particular about the knocker on the door, except that it was very large. It is also a fact, that Scrooge had seen it, night and morning, during his whole residence in that place; also that Scrooge had as little of what is called fancy about him as any man in the City of London, even including -- which is a bold word -- the corporation, aldermen, and livery. Let it also be borne in mind that Scrooge had not bestowed one thought on Marley, since his last mention of his seven-year's dead partner that afternoon. And then let any man explain to me, if he can, how it happened that Scrooge, having his key in the lock of the door, saw in the knocker, without its undergoing any intermediate process of change: not a knocker, but Marley's face.
Marley's face. It was not in impenetrable shadow as the other objects in the yard were, but had a dismal light about it, like a bad lobster in a dark cellar. It was not angry or ferocious, but looked at Scrooge as Marley used to look: with ghostly spectacles turned up upon its ghostly forehead. The hair was curiously stirred, as if by breath or hot-air; and, though the eyes were wide open, they were perfectly motionless. That, and its livid colour, made it horrible; but its horror seemed to be in spite of the face and beyond its control, rather than a part of its own expression.
As Scrooge looked fixedly at this phenomenon, it was a knocker again.
To say that he was not startled, or that his blood was not conscious of a terrible sensation to which it had been a stranger from infancy, would be untrue. But he put his hand upon the key he had relinquished, turned it sturdily, walked in, and lighted his candle.
He did pause, with a moment's irresolution, before he shut the door; and he did look cautiously behind it first, as if he half expected to be terrified with the sight of Marley's pigtail sticking out into the hall. But there was nothing on the back of the door, except the screws and nuts that held the knocker on, so he said ``Pooh, pooh!'' and closed it with a bang.
The sound resounded through the house like thunder. Every room above, and every cask in the wine-merchant's cellars below, appeared to have a separate peal of echoes of its own. Scrooge was not a man to be frightened by echoes. He fastened the door, and walked across the hall, and up the stairs, slowly too: trimming his candle as he went.
You may talk vaguely about driving a coach-and-six up a good old flight of stairs, or through a bad young Act of Parliament; but I mean to say you might have got a hearse up that staircase, and taken it broadwise, with the splinter-bar towards the wall and the door towards the balustrades: and done it easy. There was plenty of width for that, and room to spare; which is perhaps the reason why Scrooge thought he saw a locomotive hearse going on before him in the gloom. Half-a-dozen gas-lamps out of the street wouldn't have lighted the entry too well, so you may suppose that it was pretty dark with Scrooge's dip.
Up Scrooge went, not caring a button for that: darkness is cheap, and Scrooge liked it. But before he shut his heavy door, he walked through his rooms to see that all was right. He had just enough recollection of the face to desire to do that.
Sitting-room, bed-room, lumber-room. All as they should be. Nobody under the table, nobody under the sofa; a small fire in the grate; spoon and basin ready; and the little saucepan of gruel (Scrooge has a cold in his head) upon the hob. Nobody under the bed; nobody in the closet; nobody in his dressing-gown, which was hanging up in a suspicious attitude against the wall. Lumber-room as usual. Old fire-guard, old shoes, two fish-baskets, washing-stand on three legs, and a poker.
Quite satisfied, he closed his door, and locked himself in; double-locked himself in, which was not his custom. Thus secured against surprise, he took off his cravat; put on his dressing-gown and slippers, and his night-cap; and sat down before the fire to take his gruel.
It was a very low fire indeed; nothing on such a bitter night. He was obliged to sit close to it, and brood over it, before he could extract the least sensation of warmth from such a handful of fuel. The fireplace was an old one, built by some Dutch merchant long ago, and paved all round with quaint Dutch tiles, designed to illustrate the Scriptures. There were Cains and Abels, Pharaoh's daughters, Queens of Sheba, Angelic messengers descending through the air on clouds like feather-beds, Abrahams, Belshazzars, Apostles putting off to sea in butter-boats, hundreds of figures to attract his thoughts; and yet that face of Marley, seven years dead, came like the ancient Prophet's rod, and swallowed up the whole. If each smooth tile had been a blank at first, with power to shape some picture on its surface from the disjointed fragments of his thoughts, there would have been a copy of old Marley's head on every one.
``Humbug!'' said Scrooge; and walked across the room.
After several turns, he sat down again. As he threw his head back in the chair, his glance happened to rest upon a bell, a disused bell, that hung in the room, and communicated for some purpose now forgotten with a chamber in the highest story of the building. It was with great astonishment, and with a strange, inexplicable dread, that as he looked, he saw this bell begin to swing. It swung so softly in the outset that it scarcely made a sound; but soon it rang out loudly, and so did every bell in the house.
This might have lasted half a minute, or a minute, but it seemed an hour. The bells ceased as they had begun, together. They were succeeded by a clanking noise, deep down below; as if some person were dragging a heavy chain over the casks in the wine-merchant's cellar. Scrooge then remembered to have heard that ghosts in haunted houses were described as dragging chains.
The cellar-door flew open with a booming sound, and then he heard the noise much louder, on the floors below; then coming up the stairs; then coming straight towards his door.
``It's humbug still!'' said Scrooge. ``I won't believe it.''
His colour changed though, when, without a pause, it came on through the heavy door, and passed into the room before his eyes. Upon its coming in, the dying flame leaped up, as though it cried, ``I know him! Marley's Ghost!'' and fell again.
The same face: the very same. Marley in his pigtail, usual waistcoat, tights, and boots; the tassels on the latter bristling, like his pigtail, and his coat-skirts, and the hair upon his head. The chain he drew was clasped about his middle. It was long, and wound about him like a tail; and it was made (for Scrooge observed it closely) of cash-boxes, keys, padlocks, ledgers, deeds, and heavy purses wrought in steel. His body was transparent; so that Scrooge, observing him, and looking through his waistcoat, could see the two buttons on his coat behind.
Scrooge had often heard it said that Marley had no bowels, but he had never believed it until now.
No, nor did he believe it even now. Though he looked the phantom through and through, and saw it standing before him; though he felt the chilling influence of its death-cold eyes; and marked the very texture of the folded kerchief bound about its head and chin, which wrapper he had not observed before; he was still incredulous, and fought against his senses.
``How now!'' said Scrooge, caustic and cold as ever. ``What do you want with me?''
``Much!'' -- Marley's voice, no doubt about it.
``Who are you?''
``Ask me who I was.''
``Who were you then.'' said Scrooge, raising his voice. ``You're particular, for a shade.'' He was going to say ``to a shade,'' but substituted this, as more appropriate.
``In life I was your partner, Jacob Marley.''
``Can you -- can you sit down?'' asked Scrooge, looking doubtfully at him.
``I can.''
``Do it, then.''
Scrooge asked the question, because he didn't know whether a ghost so transparent might find himself in a condition to take a chair; and felt that in the event of its being impossible, it might involve the necessity of an embarrassing explanation. But the ghost sat down on the opposite side of the fireplace, as if he were quite used to it.
``You don't believe in me,'' observed the Ghost.
``I don't,'' said Scrooge.
``What evidence would you have of my reality beyond that of your senses?''
``I don't know,'' said Scrooge.
``Why do you doubt your senses?''
``Because,'' said Scrooge, ``a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!''
Scrooge was not much in the habit of cracking jokes, nor did he feel, in his heart, by any means waggish then. The truth is, that he tried to be smart, as a means of distracting his own attention, and keeping down his terror; for the spectre's voice disturbed the very marrow in his bones.
To sit, staring at those fixed, glazed eyes, in silence for a moment, would play, Scrooge felt, the very deuce with him. There was something very awful, too, in the spectre's being provided with an infernal atmosphere of its own. Scrooge could not feel it himself, but this was clearly the case; for though the Ghost sat perfectly motionless, its hair, and skirts, and tassels, were still agitated as by the hot vapour from an oven.
``You see this toothpick?'' said Scrooge, returning quickly to the charge, for the reason just assigned; and wishing, though it were only for a second, to divert the vision's stony gaze from himself.
``I do,'' replied the Ghost.
``You are not looking at it,'' said Scrooge.
``But I see it,'' said the Ghost, ``notwithstanding.''
``Well!'' returned Scrooge, ``I have but to swallow this, and be for the rest of my days persecuted by a legion of goblins, all of my own creation. Humbug, I tell you; humbug!''
At this the spirit raised a frightful cry, and shook its chain with such a dismal and appalling noise, that Scrooge held on tight to his chair, to save himself from falling in a swoon. But how much greater was his horror, when the phantom taking off the bandage round its head, as if it were too warm to wear in-doors, its lower jaw dropped down upon its breast!
Scrooge fell upon his knees, and clasped his hands before his face.
``Mercy!'' he said. ``Dreadful apparition, why do you trouble me?''
``Man of the worldly mind!'' replied the Ghost, ``do you believe in me or not?''
``I do,'' said Scrooge. ``I must. But why do spirits walk the earth, and why do they come to me?''
``It is required of every man,'' the Ghost returned, ``that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world -- oh, woe is me! -- and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness!''
Again the spectre raised a cry, and shook its chain, and wrung its shadowy hands.
``You are fettered,'' said Scrooge, trembling. ``Tell me why?''
``I wear the chain I forged in life,'' replied the Ghost. ``I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you?''
Scrooge trembled more and more.
``Or would you know,'' pursued the Ghost, ``the weight and length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full as heavy and as long as this, seven Christmas Eves ago. You have laboured on it, since. It is a ponderous chain!''
Scrooge glanced about him on the floor, in the expectation of finding himself surrounded by some fifty or sixty fathoms of iron cable: but he could see nothing.
``Jacob,'' he said, imploringly. ``Old Jacob Marley, tell me more. Speak comfort to me, Jacob.''
``I have none to give,'' the Ghost replied. ``It comes from other regions, Ebenezer Scrooge, and is conveyed by other ministers, to other kinds of men. Nor can I tell you what I would. A very little more, is all permitted to me. I cannot rest, I cannot stay, I cannot linger anywhere. My spirit never walked beyond our counting-house -- mark me! -- in life my spirit never roved beyond the narrow limits of our money-changing hole; and weary journeys lie before me!''
It was a habit with Scrooge, whenever he became thoughtful, to put his hands in his breeches pockets. Pondering on what the Ghost had said, he did so now, but without lifting up his eyes, or getting off his knees.
``You must have been very slow about it, Jacob,'' Scrooge observed, in a business-like manner, though with humility and deference.
``Slow!'' the Ghost repeated.
``Seven years dead,'' mused Scrooge. ``And travelling all the time?''
``The whole time,'' said the Ghost. ``No rest, no peace. Incessant torture of remorse.''
``You travel fast?'' said Scrooge.
``On the wings of the wind,'' replied the Ghost.
``You might have got over a great quantity of ground in seven years,'' said Scrooge.
The Ghost, on hearing this, set up another cry, and clanked its chain so hideously in the dead silence of the night, that the Ward would have been justified in indicting it for a nuisance.
``Oh! captive, bound, and double-ironed,'' cried the phantom, ``not to know, that ages of incessant labour by immortal creatures, for this earth must pass into eternity before the good of which it is susceptible is all developed. Not to know that any Christian spirit working kindly in its little sphere, whatever it may be, will find its mortal life too short for its vast means of usefulness. Not to know that no space of regret can make amends for one life's opportunities misused! Yet such was I! Oh! such was I!''
``But you were always a good man of business, Jacob,'' faultered Scrooge, who now began to apply this to himself.
``Business!'' cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. ``Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!''
It held up its chain at arm's length, as if that were the cause of all its unavailing grief, and flung it heavily upon the ground again.
``At this time of the rolling year,'' the spectre said, ``I suffer most. Why did I walk through crowds of fellow-beings with my eyes turned down, and never raise them to that blessed Star which led the Wise Men to a poor abode? Were there no poor homes to which its light would have conducted me!''
Scrooge was very much dismayed to hear the spectre going on at this rate, and began to quake exceedingly.
``Hear me!'' cried the Ghost. ``My time is nearly gone.''
``I will,'' said Scrooge. ``But don't be hard upon me! Don't be flowery, Jacob! Pray!''
``How it is that I appear before you in a shape that you can see, I may not tell. I have sat invisible beside you many and many a day.''
It was not an agreeable idea. Scrooge shivered, and wiped the perspiration from his brow.
``That is no light part of my penance,'' pursued the Ghost. ``I am here to-night to warn you, that you have yet a chance and hope of escaping my fate. A chance and hope of my procuring, Ebenezer.''
``You were always a good friend to me,'' said Scrooge. ``Thank'ee!''
``You will be haunted,'' resumed the Ghost, ``by Three Spirits.''
Scrooge's countenance fell almost as low as the Ghost's had done.
``Is that the chance and hope you mentioned, Jacob?'' he demanded, in a faltering voice.
``It is.''
``I -- I think I'd rather not,'' said Scrooge.
``Without their visits,'' said the Ghost, ``you cannot hope to shun the path I tread. Expect the first to-morrow, when the bell tolls One.''
``Couldn't I take 'em all at once, and have it over, Jacob?'' hinted Scrooge.
``Expect the second on the next night at the same hour. The third upon the next night when the last stroke of Twelve has ceased to vibrate. Look to see me no more; and look that, for your own sake, you remember what has passed between us.''
When it had said these words, the spectre took its wrapper from the table, and bound it round its head, as before. Scrooge knew this, by the smart sound its teeth made, when the jaws were brought together by the bandage. He ventured to raise his eyes again, and found his supernatural visitor confronting him in an erect attitude, with its chain wound over and about its arm.
The apparition walked backward from him; and at every step it took, the window raised itself a little, so that when the spectre reached it, it was wide open.
It beckoned Scrooge to approach, which he did. When they were within two paces of each other, Marley's Ghost held up its hand, warning him to come no nearer. Scrooge stopped.
Not so much in obedience, as in surprise and fear: for on the raising of the hand, he became sensible of confused noises in the air; incoherent sounds of lamentation and regret; wailings inexpressibly sorrowful and self-accusatory. The spectre, after listening for a moment, joined in the mournful dirge; and floated out upon the bleak, dark night.
Scrooge followed to the window: desperate in his curiosity. He looked out.
The air was filled with phantoms, wandering hither and thither in restless haste, and moaning as they went. Every one of them wore chains like Marley's Ghost; some few (they might be guilty governments) were linked together; none were free. Many had been personally known to Scrooge in their lives. He had been quite familiar with one old ghost, in a white waistcoat, with a monstrous iron safe attached to its ankle, who cried piteously at being unable to assist a wretched woman with an infant, whom it saw below, upon a door-step. The misery with them all was, clearly, that they sought to interfere, for good, in human matters, and had lost the power for ever.
Whether these creatures faded into mist, or mist enshrouded them, he could not tell. But they and their spirit voices faded together; and the night became as it had been when he walked home.
Scrooge closed the window, and examined the door by which the Ghost had entered. It was double-locked, as he had locked it with his own hands, and the bolts were undisturbed. He tried to say ``Humbug!'' but stopped at the first syllable. And being, from the emotion he had undergone, or the fatigues of the day, or his glimpse of the Invisible World, or the dull conversation of the Ghost, or the lateness of the hour, much in need of repose; went straight to bed, without undressing, and fell asleep upon the instant. Chapter 1 - Marley's Ghost
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Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Scrooge knew he was dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Scrooge and he were partners for I don't know how many years. Scrooge was his sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole assign, his sole residuary legatee, his sole friend, and sole mourner. And even Scrooge was not so dreadfully cut up by the sad event, but that he was an excellent man of business on the very day of the funeral, and solemnised it with an undoubted bargain.
The mention of Marley's funeral brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt that Marley was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. If we were not perfectly convinced that Hamlet's Father died before the play began, there would be nothing more remarkable in his taking a stroll at night, in an easterly wind, upon his own ramparts, than there would be in any other middle-aged gentleman rashly turning out after dark in a breezy spot -- say Saint Paul's Churchyard for instance -- literally to astonish his son's weak mind.
Scrooge never painted out Old Marley's name. There it stood, years afterwards, above the ware-house door: Scrooge and Marley. The firm was known as Scrooge and Marley. Sometimes people new to the business called Scrooge Scrooge, and sometimes Marley, but he answered to both names. It was all the same to him.
Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shrivelled his cheek, stiffened his gait; made his eyes red, his thin lips blue; and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice. A frosty rime was on his head, and on his eyebrows, and his wiry chin. He carried his own low temperature always about with him; he iced his office in the dog-days; and didn't thaw it one degree at Christmas.
External heat and cold had little influence on Scrooge. No warmth could warm, no wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew was bitterer than he, no falling snow was more intent upon its purpose, no pelting rain less open to entreaty. Foul weather didn't know where to have him. The heaviest rain, and snow, and hail, and sleet, could boast of the advantage over him in only one respect. They often came down handsomely, and Scrooge never did.
Nobody ever stopped him in the street to say, with gladsome looks, ``My dear Scrooge, how are you. When will you come to see me.'' No beggars implored him to bestow a trifle, no children asked him what it was o'clock, no man or woman ever once in all his life inquired the way to such and such a place, of Scrooge. Even the blindmen's dogs appeared to know him; and when they saw him coming on, would tug their owners into doorways and up courts; and then would wag their tails as though they said, ``No eye at all is better than an evil eye, dark master! ''
But what did Scrooge care! It was the very thing he liked. To edge his way along the crowded paths of life, warning all human sympathy to keep its distance, was what the knowing ones call nuts to Scrooge.
Once upon a time -- of all the good days in the year, on Christmas Eve -- old Scrooge sat busy in his counting-house. It was cold, bleak, biting weather: foggy withal: and he could hear the people in the court outside, go wheezing up and down, beating their hands upon their breasts, and stamping their feet upon the pavement stones to warm them. The city clocks had only just gone three, but it was quite dark already: it had not been light all day: and candles were flaring in the windows of the neighbouring offices, like ruddy smears upon the palpable brown air. The fog came pouring in at every chink and keyhole, and was so dense without, that although the court was of the narrowest, the houses opposite were mere phantoms. To see the dingy cloud come drooping down, obscuring everything, one might have thought that Nature lived hard by, and was brewing on a large scale.
The door of Scrooge's counting-house was open that he might keep his eye upon his clerk, who in a dismal little cell beyond, a sort of tank, was copying letters. Scrooge had a very small fire, but the clerk's fire was so very much smaller that it looked like one coal. But he couldn't replenish it, for Scrooge kept the coal-box in his own room; and so surely as the clerk came in with the shovel, the master predicted that it would be necessary for them to part. Wherefore the clerk put on his white comforter, and tried to warm himself at the candle; in which effort, not being a man of a strong imagination, he failed.
``A merry Christmas, uncle! God save you!'' cried a cheerful voice. It was the voice of Scrooge's nephew, who came upon him so quickly that this was the first intimation he had of his approach.
``Bah!'' said Scrooge, ``Humbug!''
He had so heated himself with rapid walking in the fog and frost, this nephew of Scrooge's, that he was all in a glow; his face was ruddy and handsome; his eyes sparkled, and his breath smoked again.
``Christmas a humbug, uncle!'' said Scrooge's nephew. ``You don't mean that, I am sure.''
``I do,'' said Scrooge. ``Merry Christmas! What right have you to be merry? what reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough.''
``Come, then,'' returned the nephew gaily. ``What right have you to be dismal? what reason have you to be morose? You're rich enough.''
Scrooge having no better answer ready on the spur of the moment, said, ``Bah!'' again; and followed it up with ``Humbug.''
``Don't be cross, uncle,'' said the nephew.
``What else can I be,'' returned the uncle, ``when I live in such a world of fools as this Merry Christmas! Out upon merry Christmas. What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer; a time for balancing your books and having every item in 'em through a round dozen of months presented dead against you? If I could work my will,'' said Scrooge indignantly, ``every idiot who goes about with ``Merry Christmas'' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!''
``Uncle!'' pleaded the nephew.
``Nephew!'' returned the uncle, sternly, ``keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine.''
``Keep it!'' repeated Scrooge's nephew. ``But you don't keep it.''
``Let me leave it alone, then,'' said Scrooge. ``Much good may it do you! Much good it has ever done you!''
``There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say,'' returned the nephew: ``Christmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round -- apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that -- as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!''
The clerk in the tank involuntarily applauded. Becoming immediately sensible of the impropriety, he poked the fire, and extinguished the last frail spark for ever.
``Let me hear another sound from you,'' said Scrooge, `` and you'll keep your Christmas by losing your situation. You're quite a powerful speaker, sir,'' he added, turning to his nephew. ``I wonder you don't go into Parliament.''
``Don't be angry, uncle. Come! Dine with us to-morrow.''
Scrooge said that he would see him -- yes, indeed he did. He went the whole length of the expression, and said that he would see him in that extremity first.
``But why?'' cried Scrooge's nephew. ``Why?''
``Why did you get married?'' said Scrooge.
``Because I fell in love.''
``Because you fell in love!'' growled Scrooge, as if that were the only one thing in the world more ridiculous than a merry Christmas. ``Good afternoon!''
``Nay, uncle, but you never came to see me before that happened. Why give it as a reason for not coming now?''
``Good afternoon,'' said Scrooge.
``I want nothing from you; I ask nothing of you; why cannot we be friends?''
``Good afternoon,'' said Scrooge.
``I am sorry, with all my heart, to find you so resolute. We have never had any quarrel, to which I have been a party. But I have made the trial in homage to Christmas, and I'll keep my Christmas humour to the last. So A Merry Christmas, uncle!''
``Good afternoon!'' said Scrooge.
``And A Happy New Year!''
``Good afternoon!'' said Scrooge.
His nephew left the room without an angry word, notwithstanding. He stopped at the outer door to bestow the greeting of the season on the clerk, who, cold as he was, was warmer than Scrooge; for he returned them cordially.
``There's another fellow,'' muttered Scrooge; who overheard him: ``my clerk, with fifteen shillings a week, and a wife and family, talking about a merry Christmas. I'll retire to Bedlam.''
This lunatic, in letting Scrooge's nephew out, had let two other people in. They were portly gentlemen, pleasant to behold, and now stood, with their hats off, in Scrooge's office. They had books and papers in their hands, and bowed to him.
``Scrooge and Marley's, I believe,'' said one of the gentlemen, referring to his list. ``Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr Scrooge, or Mr Marley?''
``Mr Marley has been dead these seven years,'' Scrooge replied. ``He died seven years ago, this very night.''
``We have no doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner,'' said the gentleman, presenting his credentials.
It certainly was; for they had been two kindred spirits. At the ominous word ``liberality'', Scrooge frowned, and shook his head, and handed the credentials back.
``At this festive season of the year, Mr Scrooge,'' said the gentleman, taking up a pen, ``it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir.''
``Are there no prisons?'' asked Scrooge.
``Plenty of prisons,'' said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.
``And the Union workhouses?'' demanded Scrooge. ``Are they still in operation?''
``They are. Still,'' returned the gentleman, `` I wish I could say they were not.''
``The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?'' said Scrooge.
``Both very busy, sir.''
``Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,'' said Scrooge. ``I'm very glad to hear it.''
``Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the multitude,'' returned the gentleman, ``a few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the Poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. We choose this time, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices. What shall I put you down for?''
``Nothing!'' Scrooge replied.
``You wish to be anonymous?''
``I wish to be left alone,'' said Scrooge. ``Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned: they cost enough: and those who are badly off must go there.''
``Many can't go there; and many would rather die.''
``If they would rather die,'' said Scrooge, ``they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. Besides -- excuse me -- I don't know that.''
``But you might know it,'' observed the gentleman.
``It's not my business,'' Scrooge returned. ``It's enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people's. Mine occupies me constantly. Good afternoon, gentlemen!''
Seeing clearly that it would be useless to pursue their point, the gentlemen withdrew. Scrooge resumed his labours with an improved opinion of himself, and in a more facetious temper than was usual with him.
Meanwhile the fog and darkness thickened so, that people ran about with flaring links, proffering their services to go before horses in carriages, and conduct them on their way. The ancient tower of a church, whose gruff old bell was always peeping slily down at Scrooge out of a gothic window in the wall, became invisible, and struck the hours and quarters in the clouds, with tremulous vibrations afterwards as if its teeth were chattering in its frozen head up there. The cold became intense. In the main street, at the corner of the court, some labourers were repairing the gas-pipes, and had lighted a great fire in a brazier, round which a party of ragged men and boys were gathered: warming their hands and winking their eyes before the blaze in rapture. The water-plug being left in solitude, its overflowings sullenly congealed, and turned to misanthropic ice. The brightness of the shops where holly sprigs and berries crackled in the lamp-heat of the windows, made pale faces ruddy as they passed. Poulterers' and grocers' trades became a splendid joke: a glorious pageant, with which it was next to impossible to believe that such dull principles as bargain and sale had anything to do. The Lord Mayor, in the stronghold of the might Mansion House, gave orders to his fifty cooks and butlers to keep Christmas as a Lord Mayor's household should; and even the little tailor, whom he had fined five shillings on the previous Monday for being drunk and bloodthirsty in the streets, stirred up tomorrow's pudding in his garret, while his lean wife and the baby sallied out to buy the beef.
Foggier yet, and colder! Piercing, searching, biting cold. If the good Saint Dunstan had but nipped the Evil Spirit's nose with a touch of such weather as that, instead of using his familiar weapons, then indeed he would have roared to lusty purpose. The owner of one scant young nose, gnawed and mumbled by the hungry cold as bones are gnawed by dogs, stooped down at Scrooge's keyhole to regale him with a Christmas carol: but at the first sound of God bless you, merry gentleman! May nothing you dismay! Scrooge seized the ruler with such energy of action that the singer fled in terror, leaving the keyhole to the fog and even more congenial frost.
At length the hour of shutting up the counting-house arrived. With an ill-will Scrooge dismounted from his stool, and tacitly admitted the fact to the expectant clerk in the Tank, who instantly snuffed his candle out, and put on his hat.
``You'll want all day tomorrow, I suppose?'' said Scrooge.
``If quite convenient, Sir.''
``It's not convenient,'' said Scrooge, ``and it's not fair. If I was to stop half-a-crown for it, you'd think yourself ill-used, I 'll be bound?''
The clerk smiled faintly.
``And yet,'' said Scrooge, ``you don't think me ill-used, when I pay a day's wages for no work.''
The clerk observed that it was only once a year.
``A poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every twenty-fifth of December!'' said Scrooge, buttoning his great-coat to the chin. ``But I suppose you must have the whole day. Be here all the earlier next morning!''
The clerk promised that he would; and Scrooge walked out with a growl. The office was closed in a twinkling, and the clerk, with the long ends of his white comforter dangling below his waist (for he boasted no great-coat), went down a slide on Cornhill, at the end of a lane of boys, twenty times, in honour of its being Christmas Eve, and then ran home to Camden Town as hard as he could pelt, to play at blindman's buff.
Scrooge took his melancholy dinner in his usual melancholy tavern; and having read all the newspapers, and beguiled the rest of the evening with his banker's-book, went home to bed. He lived in chambers which had once belonged to his deceased partner. They were a gloomy suite of rooms, in a lowering pile of building up a yard, where it had so little business to be, that one could scarcely help fancying it must have run there when it was a young house, playing at hide-and-seek with other houses, and have forgotten the way out again. It was old enough now, and dreary enough, for nobody lived in it but Scrooge, the other rooms being all let out as offices. The yard was so dark that even Scrooge, who knew its every stone, was fain to grope with his hands. The fog and frost so hung about the black old gateway of the house, that it seemed as if the Genius of the Weather sat in mournful meditation on the threshold.
Now, it is a fact, that there was nothing at all particular about the knocker on the door, except that it was very large. It is also a fact, that Scrooge had seen it, night and morning, during his whole residence in that place; also that Scrooge had as little of what is called fancy about him as any man in the City of London, even including -- which is a bold word -- the corporation, aldermen, and livery. Let it also be borne in mind that Scrooge had not bestowed one thought on Marley, since his last mention of his seven-year's dead partner that afternoon. And then let any man explain to me, if he can, how it happened that Scrooge, having his key in the lock of the door, saw in the knocker, without its undergoing any intermediate process of change: not a knocker, but Marley's face.
Marley's face. It was not in impenetrable shadow as the other objects in the yard were, but had a dismal light about it, like a bad lobster in a dark cellar. It was not angry or ferocious, but looked at Scrooge as Marley used to look: with ghostly spectacles turned up upon its ghostly forehead. The hair was curiously stirred, as if by breath or hot-air; and, though the eyes were wide open, they were perfectly motionless. That, and its livid colour, made it horrible; but its horror seemed to be in spite of the face and beyond its control, rather than a part of its own expression.
As Scrooge looked fixedly at this phenomenon, it was a knocker again.
To say that he was not startled, or that his blood was not conscious of a terrible sensation to which it had been a stranger from infancy, would be untrue. But he put his hand upon the key he had relinquished, turned it sturdily, walked in, and lighted his candle.
He did pause, with a moment's irresolution, before he shut the door; and he did look cautiously behind it first, as if he half expected to be terrified with the sight of Marley's pigtail sticking out into the hall. But there was nothing on the back of the door, except the screws and nuts that held the knocker on, so he said ``Pooh, pooh!'' and closed it with a bang.
The sound resounded through the house like thunder. Every room above, and every cask in the wine-merchant's cellars below, appeared to have a separate peal of echoes of its own. Scrooge was not a man to be frightened by echoes. He fastened the door, and walked across the hall, and up the stairs, slowly too: trimming his candle as he went.
You may talk vaguely about driving a coach-and-six up a good old flight of stairs, or through a bad young Act of Parliament; but I mean to say you might have got a hearse up that staircase, and taken it broadwise, with the splinter-bar towards the wall and the door towards the balustrades: and done it easy. There was plenty of width for that, and room to spare; which is perhaps the reason why Scrooge thought he saw a locomotive hearse going on before him in the gloom. Half-a-dozen gas-lamps out of the street wouldn't have lighted the entry too well, so you may suppose that it was pretty dark with Scrooge's dip.
Up Scrooge went, not caring a button for that: darkness is cheap, and Scrooge liked it. But before he shut his heavy door, he walked through his rooms to see that all was right. He had just enough recollection of the face to desire to do that.
Sitting-room, bed-room, lumber-room. All as they should be. Nobody under the table, nobody under the sofa; a small fire in the grate; spoon and basin ready; and the little saucepan of gruel (Scrooge has a cold in his head) upon the hob. Nobody under the bed; nobody in the closet; nobody in his dressing-gown, which was hanging up in a suspicious attitude against the wall. Lumber-room as usual. Old fire-guard, old shoes, two fish-baskets, washing-stand on three legs, and a poker.
Quite satisfied, he closed his door, and locked himself in; double-locked himself in, which was not his custom. Thus secured against surprise, he took off his cravat; put on his dressing-gown and slippers, and his night-cap; and sat down before the fire to take his gruel.
It was a very low fire indeed; nothing on such a bitter night. He was obliged to sit close to it, and brood over it, before he could extract the least sensation of warmth from such a handful of fuel. The fireplace was an old one, built by some Dutch merchant long ago, and paved all round with quaint Dutch tiles, designed to illustrate the Scriptures. There were Cains and Abels, Pharaoh's daughters, Queens of Sheba, Angelic messengers descending through the air on clouds like feather-beds, Abrahams, Belshazzars, Apostles putting off to sea in butter-boats, hundreds of figures to attract his thoughts; and yet that face of Marley, seven years dead, came like the ancient Prophet's rod, and swallowed up the whole. If each smooth tile had been a blank at first, with power to shape some picture on its surface from the disjointed fragments of his thoughts, there would have been a copy of old Marley's head on every one.
``Humbug!'' said Scrooge; and walked across the room.
After several turns, he sat down again. As he threw his head back in the chair, his glance happened to rest upon a bell, a disused bell, that hung in the room, and communicated for some purpose now forgotten with a chamber in the highest story of the building. It was with great astonishment, and with a strange, inexplicable dread, that as he looked, he saw this bell begin to swing. It swung so softly in the outset that it scarcely made a sound; but soon it rang out loudly, and so did every bell in the house.
This might have lasted half a minute, or a minute, but it seemed an hour. The bells ceased as they had begun, together. They were succeeded by a clanking noise, deep down below; as if some person were dragging a heavy chain over the casks in the wine-merchant's cellar. Scrooge then remembered to have heard that ghosts in haunted houses were described as dragging chains.
The cellar-door flew open with a booming sound, and then he heard the noise much louder, on the floors below; then coming up the stairs; then coming straight towards his door.
``It's humbug still!'' said Scrooge. ``I won't believe it.''
His colour changed though, when, without a pause, it came on through the heavy door, and passed into the room before his eyes. Upon its coming in, the dying flame leaped up, as though it cried, ``I know him! Marley's Ghost!'' and fell again.
The same face: the very same. Marley in his pigtail, usual waistcoat, tights, and boots; the tassels on the latter bristling, like his pigtail, and his coat-skirts, and the hair upon his head. The chain he drew was clasped about his middle. It was long, and wound about him like a tail; and it was made (for Scrooge observed it closely) of cash-boxes, keys, padlocks, ledgers, deeds, and heavy purses wrought in steel. His body was transparent; so that Scrooge, observing him, and looking through his waistcoat, could see the two buttons on his coat behind.
Scrooge had often heard it said that Marley had no bowels, but he had never believed it until now.
No, nor did he believe it even now. Though he looked the phantom through and through, and saw it standing before him; though he felt the chilling influence of its death-cold eyes; and marked the very texture of the folded kerchief bound about its head and chin, which wrapper he had not observed before; he was still incredulous, and fought against his senses.
``How now!'' said Scrooge, caustic and cold as ever. ``What do you want with me?''
``Much!'' -- Marley's voice, no doubt about it.
``Who are you?''
``Ask me who I was.''
``Who were you then.'' said Scrooge, raising his voice. ``You're particular, for a shade.'' He was going to say ``to a shade,'' but substituted this, as more appropriate.
``In life I was your partner, Jacob Marley.''
``Can you -- can you sit down?'' asked Scrooge, looking doubtfully at him.
``I can.''
``Do it, then.''
Scrooge asked the question, because he didn't know whether a ghost so transparent might find himself in a condition to take a chair; and felt that in the event of its being impossible, it might involve the necessity of an embarrassing explanation. But the ghost sat down on the opposite side of the fireplace, as if he were quite used to it.
``You don't believe in me,'' observed the Ghost.
``I don't,'' said Scrooge.
``What evidence would you have of my reality beyond that of your senses?''
``I don't know,'' said Scrooge.
``Why do you doubt your senses?''
``Because,'' said Scrooge, ``a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!''
Scrooge was not much in the habit of cracking jokes, nor did he feel, in his heart, by any means waggish then. The truth is, that he tried to be smart, as a means of distracting his own attention, and keeping down his terror; for the spectre's voice disturbed the very marrow in his bones.
To sit, staring at those fixed, glazed eyes, in silence for a moment, would play, Scrooge felt, the very deuce with him. There was something very awful, too, in the spectre's being provided with an infernal atmosphere of its own. Scrooge could not feel it himself, but this was clearly the case; for though the Ghost sat perfectly motionless, its hair, and skirts, and tassels, were still agitated as by the hot vapour from an oven.
``You see this toothpick?'' said Scrooge, returning quickly to the charge, for the reason just assigned; and wishing, though it were only for a second, to divert the vision's stony gaze from himself.
``I do,'' replied the Ghost.
``You are not looking at it,'' said Scrooge.
``But I see it,'' said the Ghost, ``notwithstanding.''
``Well!'' returned Scrooge, ``I have but to swallow this, and be for the rest of my days persecuted by a legion of goblins, all of my own creation. Humbug, I tell you; humbug!''
At this the spirit raised a frightful cry, and shook its chain with such a dismal and appalling noise, that Scrooge held on tight to his chair, to save himself from |
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Date: September 19th, 2005 3:32 PM Author: mahogany yeah (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#3857753) |
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Date: September 19th, 2005 3:33 PM Author: oh no. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#3857759) |
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Date: September 19th, 2005 4:09 PM Author: America, Fuck yeah! Lick my ass and suck on my balls. America, FUCK YEAH! |
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Date: October 4th, 2005 9:54 PM Author: Striped hyena I want this to break 1000 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#3975631) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 12:25 AM Author: This thread sucks. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005098) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 12:29 AM Author: Outnumbered BEST IN ASIA****************** (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005117) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 12:38 AM Author: This thread is the Harvard of XO. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005173) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 1:20 AM Author: Striped hyena . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005404) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 1:21 AM Author: histrionic indirect expression ticket booth Congratulations! You win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005414) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 2:16 AM Author: Salmon So I win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005632) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 2:17 AM Author: histrionic indirect expression ticket booth sonofabitch! i lost again!
(pretty clever, dude :) ) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 2:20 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness *eats fish* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005643) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 2:23 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig when i save this thread as a .html file, it sizes up at 1.25MB on my windows explorer properties.
that's about 1/3 the size of an average mp3 file. crazy, huh? |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 2:36 AM Author: histrionic indirect expression ticket booth very interesting.
but admit it, you just did that so YOU could win. |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 2:37 AM Author: Salmon but I've already won (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005691) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 2:39 AM Author: histrionic indirect expression ticket booth foolish literalist! you have no chance! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005701) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 2:41 AM Author: Salmon Too bad xoxo didn't know Scalia likes to post (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005704) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 2:41 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig agreed (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005705) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 3:45 AM Author: crystalline I'm not so sure. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005796) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 6:22 AM Author: Idiotic Blathering blumpkin (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005830) |
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Date: October 9th, 2005 8:10 AM Author: topaz ftw! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4005843) |
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Date: October 10th, 2005 9:51 PM Author: Striped hyena . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4017896) |
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Date: October 10th, 2005 9:58 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive why not support the drive to 1000? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4017977) |
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Date: October 10th, 2005 10:01 PM Author: Turquoise Narrow-minded Brunch amen to that~ (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4018017) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 12:24 PM Author: mahogany 901. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4021437) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 1:22 PM Author: Claret cowardly telephone 1000 here we come! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4021607) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 3:19 PM Author: Striped hyena i WANT THE 1000TH POST (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4022168) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 3:20 PM Author: Monday monkey lives for the weekend. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4022172) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 3:27 PM Author: Angry associate crap, what's that from...scrubs? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4022202) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:29 PM Author: Futurama.
How do you feel about Mondays? They're ok I guess. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it not being a requirement to work here, but being crazy may be advantageous? |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 3:30 PM Author: Motley free-loading clown Is it true that a Playboy Playmate posted here? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4022211) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 3:33 PM Author: know-it-all nibblets You're plainly referring to me. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4022222) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 4:54 PM Author: Striped hyena . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4022699) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 5:46 PM Author: Striped hyena . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4023050) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 5:53 PM Author: Dull 910 is a stupid number. However... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4023113) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 5:54 PM Author: Dull The Porsche 911 is a famous and distinctive sportscar made by Porsche AG of Stuttgart, Germany. Evolving continually since its introduction, the car is sometimes known by its internal names: Type 901 (shortly during 1963 before production started), Type 911 (1963-1988), Type 930 (turbocharged models prior to 1989), Type 964 (1989-1992), Type 993 (1993-1997), Type 996 (1998-2004) and Type 997 (from 2004). The 911 has been modified, both by private teams and the factory itself, for racing, rallying and other types of automotive competition, and has been extremely successful both on and off the track since its inception. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4023114) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:16 PM Author: Fishy [913] (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4024977) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:22 PM Author: wonderful pale queen of the night therapy Meg Ryan is the perfect woman (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4025012) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:26 PM Author: What a monster of a thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4025042) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:27 PM Author: irradiated mood Gay (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4025049) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:29 PM Author: my computer just nearly crashed (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4025066) |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:31 PM Author: Misunderstood coldplay fan dot doot doot
Edit: holy shit I posted in this thread 6 months ago |
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:36 PM Author: Crimson daws\on (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4025121) |
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Date: October 14th, 2005 3:40 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness *waddles clumsily across thread*
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Date: October 14th, 2005 3:41 AM Author: mad cow disease Oh no you dinnit! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4042620) |
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Date: October 14th, 2005 3:43 AM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness *swims gracefully away* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4042624) |
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Date: October 14th, 2005 11:30 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive when will it stop raining?
i am going to single handedly take this to 1000 tonight. |
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Date: October 14th, 2005 11:31 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4049013) |
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Date: October 14th, 2005 11:31 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive
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Date: October 14th, 2005 11:32 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive
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Date: October 14th, 2005 11:33 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive
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Date: October 14th, 2005 11:34 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive
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Date: October 14th, 2005 11:35 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive
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Date: October 14th, 2005 11:35 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive
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Date: October 14th, 2005 11:37 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive whew, this is tiring...
note to self: post number nine-three-niner.
edit:. actually 936. |
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Date: October 14th, 2005 11:38 PM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive The Number 937 937 is a Prime Number. 937 is a Centered 12-gonal Number.
937 is a Centered 26-gonal Number.
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Date: October 15th, 2005 1:08 PM Author: Aquamarine I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4051489) |
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Date: October 21st, 2005 10:49 AM Author: White Macaca WINNER! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4100016) |
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Date: October 21st, 2005 11:01 AM Author: giraffe PWn3d! I just won. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4100054) |
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Date: October 24th, 2005 9:17 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig it's right here! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4128203) |
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Date: October 24th, 2005 9:18 PM Author: Striped hyena Awesome! I searched for it, but to no avail. I'm fucking dumb. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4128212) |
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Date: October 24th, 2005 9:20 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig yes, yes you are. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4128225) |
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Date: October 24th, 2005 9:21 PM Author: magical community account shrine Fuddrucker's (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4128239) |
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Date: November 4th, 2005 10:49 PM Author: Striped hyena Cmon 1000! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4216104) |
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Date: November 4th, 2005 10:52 PM Author: lemon BIG FUCKING WINNER, RIGHT HERE. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4216136) |
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Date: November 4th, 2005 10:53 PM Author: INSANE 80S MUSIC LYRIC GUY (I AM THE WARRIOR!!!) VICTORY! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4216138) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 3:33 AM Author: dark tag (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4217932) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 3:37 AM Author: emerald YES. I won. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4217945) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 3:46 AM Author: Ruddy *Mwwwhahahahahaha*
Victory shall be mine, oh yes, it shall be mine... |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 3:49 AM Author: Coral Everytime someone loads this thread, it taxes the sites' bandwidth.
I'm lovin' it! |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 3:53 AM Author: Ruddy Madcat- do you sleep? :o) (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4217984) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 4:52 AM Author: doobsian copper shit (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4218138) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 5:00 AM Author: Ruddy DAMN YOU ALL!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4218150) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 5:01 AM Author: doobsian copper are you going to stay up forever to win this? Have fun! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4218152) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 5:10 AM Author: Ruddy It's 10.10am here.
I'm off to the library now, bitches.
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Date: November 5th, 2005 1:22 PM Author: know-it-all nibblets Eat it, losers. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4218909) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 2:32 PM Author: very tactful It's all mine. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4219405) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 2:36 PM Author: emerald not really. thanks for playing. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4219438) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 2:39 PM Author: obsidian cumskin this thread is getting dangeriously close to hitting the 1000 post mark.
will this cause an xoxohth Y2K Resonance Cascade Senario do you think? |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 3:03 PM Author: Coral I have rigged it so that when this thread reaches 1,000 posts, a national monument blows up. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4219574) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 3:12 PM Author: obsidian cumskin nice (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4219630) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 3:39 PM Author: Striped hyena PWNIIID (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4219783) |
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Date: November 5th, 2005 3:40 PM Author: feces I cannot believe this thread has almost 1000 posts. Easily the most successful ever. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4219791) |
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Date: November 6th, 2005 9:44 PM Author: Vermilion slowly...slowly... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4229874) |
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Date: November 9th, 2005 6:56 PM Author: Pearl Subject: Let's Get it over 1,000 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4253576) |
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Date: November 9th, 2005 6:57 PM Author: purple i have a good feeling about it this time. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4253588) |
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Date: November 9th, 2005 6:58 PM Author: Striped hyena Thats the plan (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4253590) |
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Date: November 9th, 2005 7:16 PM Author: aqua crawly public bath french chef I win!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4253737) |
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Date: November 9th, 2005 7:20 PM Author: Magenta congratulations. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4253769) |
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Date: November 9th, 2005 7:27 PM Author: Slap-happy church Crappy plan. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4253845) |
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Date: November 9th, 2005 7:27 PM Author: doobsian copper (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4253849) |
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Date: November 9th, 2005 7:28 PM Author: Misunderstood coldplay fan victory! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4253859) |
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Date: November 9th, 2005 7:31 PM Author: excitant forum twinkling uncleanness 666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666evil666666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666evil666666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666evil666666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpenguin666evil666 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4253883) |
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Date: November 9th, 2005 7:40 PM Author: Angry associate 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233786783165271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273724587006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360011330530548820466521384146951941511609433057270365759591953092186117381932611793105118548074462379962749567351885752724891227938183011949129833673362440656643086021394946395224737190702179860943702770539217176293176752384674818467669405132000568127145263560827785771342757789609173637178721468440901224953430146549585371050792279689258923542019956112129021960864034418159813629774771309960518707211349999998372978049951059731732816096318595024459455346908302642522308253344685035261931188171010003137838752886587533208381420617177669147303598253490428755468731159562863882353787593751957781857780532171226806613001927876611195909216420198938095257201065485863278865936153381827968230301952035301852968995773622599413891249721775283479131515574857242454150695950829533116861727855889075098381754637464939319255060400927701671139009848824012858361603563707660104710181942955596198946767837449448255379774726847104047534646208046684259069491293313677028989152104752162056966024058038150193511253382430035587640247496473263914199272604269922796782354781636009341721641219924586315030286182974555706749838505494588586926995690927210797509302955321165344987202755960236480665499119881834797753566369807426542527862551818417574672890977772793800081647060016145249192173217214772350141441973568548161361157352552133475741849468438523323907394143334547762416862518983569485562099219222184272550254256887671790494601653466804988627232791786085784383827967976681454100953883786360950680064225125205117392984896084128488626945604241965285022210661186306744278622039194945047123713786960956364371917287467764657573962413890865832645995813390478027590099465764078951269468398352595709825822620522489407726719478268482601476990902640136394437455305068203496252451749399651431429809190659250937221696461515709858387410597885959772975498930161753928468138268683868942774155991855925245953959431049972524680845987273644695848653836736222626099124608051243884390451244136549762780797715691435997700129616089441694868555848406353422072225828488648158456028506016842739452267467678895252138522549954666727823986456596116354886230577456498035593634568174324112515076069479451096596094025228879710893145669136867228748940560101503308617928680920874760917824938589009714909675985261365549781893129784821682998948722658804857564014270477555132379641451523746234364542858444795265867821051141354735739523113427166102135969536231442952484937187110145765403590279934403742007310578539062198387447808478489683321445713868751943506430218453191048481005370614680674919278191197939952061419663428754440643745123718192179998391015919561814675142691239748940907186494231961567945208095146550225231603881930142093762137855956638937787083039069792077346722182562599661501421503068038447734549202605414665925201497442850732518666002132434088190710486331734649651453905796268561005508106658796998163574736384052571459102897064140110971206280439039759515677157700420337869936007230558763176359421873125147120532928191826186125867321579198414848829164470609575270695722091756711672291098169091528017350671274858322287183520935396572512108357915136988209144421006751033467110314126711136990865851639831501970165151168517143765761835155650884909989859982387345528331635507647918535893226185489632132933089857064204675259070915481416549859461637180270981994309924488957571282890592323326097299712084433573265489382391193259746366730583604142813883032038249037589852437441702913276561809377344403070746921120191302033038019762110110044929321516084244485963766983895228684783123552658213144957685726243344189303968642624341077322697802807318915441101044682325271620105265227211166039666557309254711055785376346682065310989652691862056476931257058635662018558100729360659876486117910453348850346113657686753249441668039626579787718556084552965412665408530614344431858676975145661406800700237877659134401712749470420562230538994561314071127000407854733269939081454664645880797270826683063432858785698305235808933065757406795457163775254202114955761581400250126228594130216471550979259230990796547376125517656751357517829666454779174501129961489030463994713296210734043751895735961458901938971311179042978285647503203198691514028708085990480109412147221317947647772622414254854540332157185306142288137585043063321751829798662237172159160771669254748738986654949450114654062843366393790039769265672146385306736096571209180763832716641627488880078692560290228472104031721186082041900042296617119637792133757511495950156604963186294726547364252308177036751590673502350728354056704038674351362222477158915049530984448933309634087807693259939780541934144737744184263129860809988868741326047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(https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4253970) |
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Date: November 10th, 2005 1:06 AM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive There are some comments I need to make regarding this thread. The points I plan to make in this letter will sound tediously familiar to everyone who wants to stick to the facts and offer only those arguments that can be supported by those facts. Nevertheless, it's certainly a tragedy that its goal in life is apparently to distort the facts. Here, I use the word "tragedy" as the philosopher Whitehead used it. Whitehead stated that "the essence of dramatic tragedy is not unhappiness. It resides in the solemnity of the remorseless working of things," which I interpret as saying that I must admit that I've read only a small fraction of this thread's writings. (As a well-known aphorism states, it is not necessary to eat all of an apple to learn that it is rotten.) Nevertheless, I've read enough of this thread's writings to know that this thread's calumnies are not pedantic treatises expressing theories or extravaganzas dealing in fables or fancies. They are substantial, sober outpourings from the very soul of emotionalism. My dream is for tired eyes to open and see clearly, broken spirits to find new energy, and weary arms to find the strength to make plans and carry them out. When a friend wants to drive inebriated, you try to stop him. Well, this thread is drunk with power, which is why we must protect our peace, privacy, and safety. This thread, you are welcome to get off my back this time and stay off. If this thread can't stand the heat, it should get out of the kitchen.
Imagine getting a dollar every time this thread said it wouldn't heat the cauldron of terror until it boils over into our daily lives, but did so anyway. You'd be very, very rich. This thread's apple-polishers contend that there is an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because it has been said that this thread is capable of passing very rapidly from a hidden enjoyment of antihumanist antidisestablishmentarianism to a proclaimed attachment to frotteurism and back -- and back again. I, in turn, insist that we must help you reflect and reexamine your views on this thread. Our children depend on that. If this thread can give us all a succinct and infallible argument proving that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity, I will personally deliver its Nobel Prize for Narrow-minded Rhetoric. In the meantime, if this thread gets its way, I might very well hang myself by the neck until dead. I just want to punish this thread for its wayward vituperations. That's why I propose, argue, cajole, plead, wheedle, and joke about ways to combat the myopic ideology of jingoism that has infected the minds of so many stentorian, mischievous sluggards. This thread says that bad things "just happen" (i.e., they're not caused by this thread itself). The inference is that every word that leaves its mouth is teeming with useful information. I'm happy to report that I can't follow that logic.
Perhaps you haven't noticed that this thread's lackeys are merely liars with charisma. Perhaps you haven't noticed that it supports rule by Man according to his own passions, opinions, and dictates, rather than rule by law. And perhaps you haven't noticed that I am morally and ethically opposed to this thread's personal attacks. In response to all three of those possibilities, I need to inform you that it never stops boasting about its generous contributions to charitable causes. As far as I can tell, however, this thread's claimed magnanimousness is entirely chimerical and, furthermore, I have a problem with its use of the phrase, "We all know that...". With this phrase, this thread doesn't need to prove its claim that it is a perpetual victim of injustice; it merely accepts it as fact. To put it another way, I have never been in favor of being gratuitously ethically bankrupt. I have also never been in favor of sticking my head in the sand or of refusing to enhance people's curiosity, critical acumen, and aesthetic sensitivity.
This thread's deeds have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. Due to the power relationship between the dominator and the dominated, this thread's indiscretions epitomize all that is polyloquent in the world. We can therefore extrapolate that we mustn't let this thread enslave us, suppress our freedom, regiment our lives, confiscate our property, and dictate our values. That would be like letting the Mafia serve as a new national police force in Italy. So, this thread, maybe the problem is not with brazen vandals, but with you. Lest you think that I'm talking out of my hat here, I should point out that this thread wants to produce an army of mindless insects who will obey its every command. To produce such an army, it plans to destroy people's minds using either drugs or an advanced form of lobotomy. Whichever approach it takes, I recently overheard a couple of batty, benighted prevaricators say that mediocrity is a worthwhile goal. Here, again, we encounter the blurred thinking that is characteristic of this this thread-induced era of slogans and propaganda. Don't be intimidated by this thread's threat to lobotomize everyone caught thinking an independent thought.
This thread is typical of loathsome power brokers in its wild invocations to the irrational, the magic, and the fantastic to dramatize its jeremiads. While these incidents may seem minor, bestial shysters are more susceptible to this thread's brainwashing tactics than are any other group. Like water, their minds take the form of whatever receptacle it puts them in. They then lose all recollection that if this thread were paying attention -- which it would seem it is not, as I've already gone over this -- it'd see that it is planning to inculcate jaundiced philippics. This does not bode well for the future, because it claims that society is screaming for its shenanigans. Well, I beg to differ. Even so, if this thread gets its way, we will soon be engulfed in a Dark Age of communism and indescribable horror. That's why I'm telling you that I challenge it to point out any text in this letter that proposes that a book of its writings would be a good addition to the Bible. It isn't there. There's neither a hint nor a suggestion of such a thing.
This thread may not be dastardly, but it sure is cranky. The baleful influence of fogyism is plainly evident in the palpable one-sidedness of this thread's grievances. Well, that's getting away from my main topic, which is that if we can understand what has caused the current plague of incontinent, saturnine cadgers, I believe that we can then take personal action and discuss, openly and candidly, a vision for a harmonious, multiracial society. There's something wrong with this picture. Its agents provocateurs probably don't realize that, because it's not mentioned in the funny papers or in the movies. Nevertheless, this thread's apothegms are more than just manipulative. They're a revolt against nature. Only through education can individuals gain the independent tools they need to expose some of this thread's anti-democratic deeds. But the first step is to acknowledge that it doesn't do us much good to become angry and wave our arms and shout about the evils of its double standards in general terms. If we want other people to agree with us and join forces with us, then we must give our young people the values that will inspire them to operate on today's real -- not tomorrow's ideal -- political terrain. This thread's more than hotheaded. It's mega-hotheaded. In fact, to understand just how hotheaded this thread is, you first need to realize that I have a tendency to report the more sensational things that it is up to, the more shocking things, things like how it wants to embark on wholesale torture and slaughter of innocent civilians. And I realize the difficulty that the average person has in coming to grips with that, but I do not find epithets that are unbalanced, ultra-mephitic, and irritating to be "funny". Maybe I lack a sense of humor, but maybe I am aware that many people may object to the severity of my language. But is there no cause for severity? Naturally, I believe that there is, because there is still hope for our society, real hope -- not the false sense of hope that comes from the mouths of blasphemous casuists, but the hope that makes you eager to fight on the battleground of ideas for our inalienable individual rights.
I won't lie to you; my goal is to put inexorable pressure on this thread to be a bit more careful about what it says and does. I might not be successful at achieving that goal, but I undoubtedly do have to try. The gloss that this thread's sycophants put on this thread's theatrics unfortunately does little to discuss the relationship between three converging and ever-growing factions -- unforgiving braggadocios, intrusive scallawags, and disorganized, domineering desperados. This thread craves more power. I say we should give it more power -- preferably, 10,000 volts of it. This thread has declared that it's staging a revolt against everyone who wants to stop its encroachments on our heritage. This thread's revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, it has been trying for some time to convince people that its mistakes are always someone else's fault. Don't believe its hype! This thread has just been offering that line as a means to step on other people's toes.
It's somewhat tricky to enable patriots to use their freedoms to save their freedoms, especially since the media in this country tend to ignore historical connections and are reluctant to analyze ideological positions or treat a fringe political group seriously. According to this thread, if it kicks us in the teeth, we'll then lick its toes and beg for another kick. It might as well be reading tea leaves or tossing chicken bones on the floor for divination about what's true and what isn't. Maybe then this thread would realize that it will not be easy to build a new understanding that can transport us to tomorrow. Nevertheless, we must attempt to do exactly that, for the overriding reason that I recommend paying close attention to the praxeological method developed by the economist Ludwig von Mises and using it as a technique to help young people develop the ability to make informed and reasoned decisions for the public good as citizens of a culturally diverse, democratic society in an interdependent world. The praxeological method is useful in this context because it employs praxeology, the general science of human action, to explain why this thread has a talent for inventing fantasy worlds in which it can be trusted to judge the rest of the world from a unique perch of pure wisdom. Then again, just because this thread is a prolific fantasist doesn't mean that it answers to no one.
To pick an obvious, but often overlooked, example, this thread is currently limited to shrieking and spitting when it's confronted with inconvenient facts. In a lustrum or two, however, this thread is likely to switch to some sort of "cause reckless subversion to gather momentum on college campuses" approach to draw our attention away from such facts. I'm not one to criticize but this thread has two imperatives. The first is to accelerate the natural tendency of civilization to devolve from order to chaos, liberty to tyranny, and virtue to vice. The second imperative is to give rise to ignorant obnoxious-types. We must lay out some ideas and interpretations that hold the potential for insight. Those who claim otherwise do so only to justify their own uncompanionable pleas. I might be able to forgive this thread, but only if it promises never again to throw away our freedom, our honor, and our future. It is not uncommon for this thread to victimize the innocent, penalize the victim for making any effort to defend himself, and then paint the whole ornery affair as some great benefit to humanity.
Some people aver that this thread's rantings are corporatism at its worst. Others feel that this thread's proposed social programs are as appealing as braces, acne, and a wooden leg at the senior prom. In the interest of clearing up the confusion, I'll make the following observation: I don't see how this thread can build a workable policy around wishful thinking draped over a morass of confusion (and also, as we'll see below, historical illiteracy), then impose it willy-nilly on a population by force. I'm not saying that it can't possibly be done but rather that prudence is no vice. Cowardice -- especially this thread's horny form of it -- is. If I am correctly informed, this thread masterminded last year's now-infamous attempt to trade fundamental human rights for a cheap "guarantee" of safety and security. In any case, wherever you look, you'll see this thread enforcing intolerance in the name of tolerance. You'll see it suppressing freedom in the name of freedom. And you'll see it crushing diversity of opinion in the name of diversity. Let's be honest here: This is not the first time I've wanted to offer true constructive criticism -- listening to the whole issue, recognizing the problems, recognizing what is being done right, and getting involved to help remedy the problem. But it is the first time I realized that I do not propose a supernatural solution to the problems we're having with it. Instead, I propose a practical, realistic, down-to-earth approach that requires only that I give this thread condign punishment. My general thesis is that if you've never seen this thread brainwash the masses into submission, you're either incredibly unobservant or are concealing the truth from yourself. I'll talk a lot more about that later, but first let me finish my general thesis: This thread is not only immoral, but amoral. I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke this thread for trying to spread nihilism all over the globe like pigeon droppings over Trafalgar Square. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, the best gauge of the value of my attitudes, the sincerity of my convictions, and the force of my will is the hostility I receive from appalling mafia dons. But there is a further-reaching implication: The key to its soul is its longing for the effortless, irresponsible, automatic consciousness of an animal. This thread dreads the necessity, the risk, and the responsibility of rational cognition. As a result, if my memory serves me correctly, it maintains that either freedom must be abolished in order for people to be more secure and comfortable or that the laws of nature don't apply to it. This thread denies any other possibility. Despite this thread's evident lack of grounding in what it's talking about, this thread should work with us, not step in at the eleventh hour and hog all the glory. Finally, this has been a good deal of reading, and indisputably difficult reading at that. Still, I hope you walk away from it with the new knowledge that I want to speak in the strongest possible terms against this thread's demands.
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Date: November 10th, 2005 1:07 AM Author: cordovan pontificating The person that posts the 1000th post is the most prestigious on XOXO. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4257277) |
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Date: November 10th, 2005 1:09 AM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive within reach if you want it.... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4257287) |
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Date: November 10th, 2005 1:13 AM Author: cordovan pontificating I know, but I will not intentionally spam to seek that honor.
It must come naturally. |
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Date: November 10th, 2005 1:09 AM Author: You do know that if you post enough messages you might exceed the database's indexing? It might be 10^20 messages though. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4257292) |
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Date: November 10th, 2005 1:20 AM Author: scarlet ahhhhhh yes yes yes yes, most excellent indeed! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4257372) |
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Date: November 10th, 2005 1:22 AM Author: emerald who knew? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4257388) |
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Date: November 10th, 2005 6:42 PM Author: cordovan pontificating This thread will reach 1000 tonight if you make it happen.
If you don't, I WIN |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:48 PM Author: Striped hyena 984 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271826) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:48 PM Author: Striped hyena 985 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271828) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:48 PM Author: Striped hyena 986 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271829) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:49 PM Author: Striped hyena 987 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271831) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:49 PM Author: Striped hyena 988 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271833) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:49 PM Author: Striped hyena 989 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271835) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:50 PM Author: Striped hyena 990 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271840) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:50 PM Author: Striped hyena 991 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271841) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:50 PM Author: Striped hyena 992 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271843) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:50 PM Author: doobsian copper (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271844) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:50 PM Author: doobsian copper (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271845) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:51 PM Author: Striped hyena 994 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271846) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:51 PM Author: doobsian copper (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271847) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:51 PM Author: doobsian copper (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271851) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:51 PM Author: Striped hyena 1000?! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271854) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:51 PM Author: doobsian copper (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271855) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:51 PM Author: Turquoise Narrow-minded Brunch 1000th post.
I am so happy.
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:51 PM Author: doobsian copper (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271859) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:52 PM Author: obsidian cumskin 1003
always a good number
kinda like top 14 |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 10:52 PM Author: Striped hyena YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4271860) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 11:35 PM Author: chrome hyperventilating I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4272129) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 11:35 PM Author: Jet-lagged YOU LOSE. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4272132) |
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Date: November 11th, 2005 11:36 PM Author: awkward Paradox (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4272140) |
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Date: November 12th, 2005 12:30 AM Author: Brindle i (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4272397) |
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Date: November 12th, 2005 12:36 AM Author: Striped hyena 2000, here we come! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4272428) |
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Date: November 12th, 2005 1:10 AM Author: Amber Winning? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4272643) |
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Date: November 12th, 2005 2:05 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig this thread cements my status as board legend. htfh. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4272952) |
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Date: November 12th, 2005 2:06 AM Author: House-broken this thread is fucking retarded. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4272957) |
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Date: November 12th, 2005 4:19 AM Author: yea no shit, it got started on 420
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Date: November 12th, 2005 7:09 AM Author: Ruddy I can see this going on for quite some time... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4273665) |
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Date: November 12th, 2005 9:22 AM Author: cream medicated Subject: Last and first time I post here. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4273758) |
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Date: November 12th, 2005 9:23 AM Author: irradiated mood One day this thread will destroy the board and then it will all start over again, like the Matrix. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4273762) |
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Date: November 12th, 2005 10:06 AM Author: Ruddy Subject: Or like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I win. Hah. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4273808) |
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Date: November 12th, 2005 10:34 AM Author: Ok, I give in. I'll play. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4273867) |
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Date: November 15th, 2005 4:26 AM Author: tripping adulterous new version but you won't win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4295837) |
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Date: November 15th, 2005 4:27 AM Author: Mildly autistic I WON!!!!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4295841) |
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Date: November 15th, 2005 4:28 AM Author: abnormal fiercely-loyal Wow, I finally won something! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4295843) |
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Date: November 15th, 2005 8:44 PM Author: very tactful BAFF for unreads (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4300777) |
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Date: November 18th, 2005 8:01 PM Author: Striped hyena tag (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4327206) |
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Date: November 18th, 2005 10:25 PM Author: scarlet :) ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................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................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ i win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4328488) |
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Date: November 18th, 2005 10:30 PM Author: aha!
My first post here. And I'm sure I will win. |
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Date: November 18th, 2005 10:36 PM Author: balding I WIN!!! ME ME ME (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4328569) |
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Date: November 19th, 2005 6:29 PM Author: Striped hyena q23oy89g239o243 4 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4333345) |
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Date: November 19th, 2005 8:51 PM Author: Claret cowardly telephone sweet (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4334214) |
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Date: November 19th, 2005 9:00 PM Author: Flushed never forget. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4334304) |
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Date: November 20th, 2005 9:14 PM Author: irradiated mood This is it, I can FEEL it. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4342831) |
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Date: November 20th, 2005 9:28 PM Author: Fishy before i die, i'm gonna read this thing cover to cover. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4342941) |
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Date: November 21st, 2005 9:35 AM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish I already told you guys to stop trying. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4346772) |
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Date: November 24th, 2005 2:57 PM Author: Striped hyena nullown3d (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4373631) |
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Date: November 24th, 2005 3:09 PM Author: French Unhinged Pervert Not so fast. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4373667) |
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Date: November 24th, 2005 3:11 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig im winning this for my real doll <3 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4373672) |
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Date: November 24th, 2005 3:18 PM Author: French Unhinged Pervert UNO! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4373686) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 7:23 PM Author: Striped hyena (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4381115) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 7:23 PM Author: Striped hyena bump for macho's peace of mind (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4381119) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 7:26 PM Author: yapping onyx I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4381137) |
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Date: November 30th, 2005 2:51 PM Author: lemon Never forget!
Big Winner right here ladies. |
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Date: November 30th, 2005 5:35 PM Author: Self-absorbed I can't believe you guys are doing this, you're so lame. Oh, looks like I win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4421706) |
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Date: November 30th, 2005 5:35 PM Author: doobsian copper what the fuck is the prize? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4421711) |
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Date: November 30th, 2005 5:36 PM Author: Concupiscible Death Wish great question. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4421719) |
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Date: November 30th, 2005 7:10 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale It's AWESOME! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4422410) |
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Date: December 27th, 2005 4:11 PM Author: Great! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4674577) |
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Date: November 30th, 2005 7:11 PM Author: This is quite the successful thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4422416) |
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Date: December 1st, 2005 7:58 AM Author: saffron bossy degenerate skeet skeet skeet (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4427949) |
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Date: December 2nd, 2005 12:11 PM Author: Sinister theater laser beams (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4439289) |
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Date: December 2nd, 2005 12:52 PM Author: Is there any sort of honorable mention for having the last posting for the longest amount of time? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4439531) |
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Date: December 7th, 2005 9:57 PM Author: Magenta . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4492479) |
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Date: December 8th, 2005 12:31 AM Author: Time to bump old threads! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4494405) |
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Date: December 8th, 2005 12:31 AM Author: fantasy-prone i WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN
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Date: December 8th, 2005 12:33 AM Author: rough-skinned marketing idea MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4494434) |
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Date: December 8th, 2005 12:35 AM Author: chrome hyperventilating I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4494453) |
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Date: December 8th, 2005 12:36 AM Author: incorrect (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4494464) |
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Date: December 8th, 2005 12:39 AM Author: rough-skinned marketing idea Very incorrect (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4494488) |
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Date: December 8th, 2005 2:50 AM Author: chrome hyperventilating Hey you cockgobblers! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4495377) |
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Date: December 8th, 2005 3:39 AM Author: Angry associate 4, 6, 5, 6, 7, 3, 8, 0, 2, 5, 6, 0, 0, 2, 6, 0, 8, 1, 1, 9, 5, 5, 7, 1, 9, 7, 0, 6, 6, 6, 0, 7, 2, 8, 7, 5, 0, 7, 6, 8, 0, 6, 2, 7, 4, 3, 3, 1, 8, 9, 7, 6, 6, 6, 8, 5, 1, 0, 6, 5, 2, 9, 7, 3, 2, 0, 5, 2, 3, 3, 3, 1, 2, 1, 5, 7, 9, 7, 6, 1, 5, 3, 7, 6, 1, 7, 7, 1, 9, 7, 9, 2, 7, 2, 6, 6, 3, 7, 2, 1, 9, 3, 7, 6, 5, 4, 1, 6, 3, 7, 1, 3, 2, 1, 4, 1, 0, 0, 0, 2, 8, 4, 8, 7, 8, 8, 5, 4, 2, 9, 7, 1, 5, 2, 7, 5, 1, 1, 2, 9, 0, 4, 3, 9, 4, 2, 4, 3, 7, 4, 3, 8, 0, 1, 6, 1, 5, 6, 0, 4, 3, 2, 8, 0, 1, 5, 7, 0, 3, 5, 8, 7, 4, 0, 9, 5, 3, 7, 9, 4, 0, 3, 6, 9, 2, 9, 8, 5, 8, 6, 5, 8, 6, 9, 6, 3, 5, 6, 1, 9, 4, 5, 9, 1, 8, 6, 4, 1, 2, 5, 5, 4, 5, 4, 9, 3, 8, 1, 8, 4, 4, 1, 0, 4, 5, 5, 9, 4, 5, 0, 6, 6, 0, 6, 4, 5, 5, 9, 7, 7, 8, 7, 4, 5, 2, 0, 1, 6, 3, 0, 3, 3, 3, 9, 3, 2, 6, 5, 9, 6, 7, 0, 9, 1, 7, 5, 8, 6, 9, 8, 4, 0, 4, 8, 4, 7, 2, 4, 9, 6, 6, 0, 1, 6, 6, 7, 2, 6, 5, 3, 8, 1, 1, 2, 3, 9, 4, 1, 6, 8, 9, 0, 9, 6, 8, 6, 9, 0, 9, 3, 3, 0, 3, 7, 5, 2, 3, 1, 3, 2, 0, 8, 9, 4, 8, 0, 2, 1, 5, 0, 0, 2, 8, 0, 7, 5, 9, 6, 1, 0, 2, 9, 9, 0, 4, 0, 5, 7, 5, 0, 3, 3, 1, 3, 7, 9, 0, 2, 0, 8, 1, 9, 8, 3, 4, 7, 6, 9, 8, 5, 8, 4, 1, 5, 2, 1, 9, 5, 2, 2, 1, 4, 7, 4, 7, 1, 7, 3, 2, 7, 2, 8, 6, 5, 2, 4, 2, 6, 4, 6, 5, 6, 9, 2, 5, 9, 3, 2, 2, 9, 1, 7, 3, 8, 6, 2, 8, 7, 4, 5, 4, 3, 2, 7, 1, 8, 1, 0, 4, 3, 5, 8, 3, 2, 6, 4, 4, 2, 3, 3, 1, 3, 7, 7, 6, 4, 4, 7, 0, 4, 7, 9, 2, 7, 8, 6, 7, 7, 2, 2, 7, 5, 8, 1, 2, 8, 7, 1, 1, 7, 9, 0, 8, 8, 4, 0, 8, 9, 0, 4, 0, 8, 7, 7, 1, 2, 4, 4, 4, 8, 1, 2, 1, 1, 2, 2, 1, 8, 1, 7, 4, 9, 3, 7, 4, 0, 7, 8, 3, 0, 2, 4, 7, 9, 9, 7, 6, 9, 4, 5, 0, 7, 8, 1, 2, 3, 9, 9, 1, 4, 7, 8, 4, 4, 3, 1, 0, 0, 3, 2, 4, 2, 1, 4, 0, 3, 2, 9, 7, 9, 6, 3, 2, 5, 1, 8, 9, 9, 6, 4, 7, 7, 3, 1, 3, 8, 4, 5, 4, 0, 9, 5, 5, 7, 6, 9, 9, 2, 4, 9, 2, 2, 7, 4, 3, 1, 7, 0, 7, 9, 8, 2, 5, 0, 0, 9, 7, 5, 7, 6, 4, 9, 0, 1, 0, 0, 8, 6, 2, 5, 5, 1, 5, 6, 0, 7, 8, 3, 4, 0, 4, 1, 7, 7, 5, 9, 7, 1, 9, 8, 4, 0, 6, 9, 1, 9, 1, 3, 0, 6, 3, 0, 5, 8, 6, 3, 3, 5, 4, 4, 4, 2, 4, 2, 5, 7, 9, 4, 9, 9, 3, 5, 0, 6, 7, 6, 9, 2, 4, 1, 0, 1, 7, 5, 2, 5, 6, 8, 1, 9, 9, 5, 8, 9, 3, 4, 1, 0, 6, 7, 8, 7, 1, 5, 0, 2, 6, 1, 1, 5, 6, 8, 0, 4, 9, 4, 5, 3, 9, 5, 1, 6, 4, 5, 9, 2, 6, 0, 2, 1, 2, 1, 6, 3, 2, 8, 8, 6, 4, 5, 2, 4, 0, 5, 9, 6, 8, 9, 7, 5, 2, 1, 8, 7, 4, 0, 0, 5, 6, 3, 4, 7, 6, 2, 8, 0, 7, 3, 1, 9, 8, 5, 3, 7, 3, 7, 6, 8, 5, 6, 3, 0, 5, 5, 8, 0, 7, 6, 8, 0, 0, 9, 0, 9, 3, 1, 6, 4, 1, 6, 6, 8, 4, 6, 1, 5, 1, 2, 7, 2, 8, 2, 6, 2, 1, 3, 5, 5, 3, 9, 5, 2, 7, 2, 7, 7, 2, 4, 2, 4, 1, 7, 7, 1, 0, 8, 8, 8, 4, 4, 3, 3, 2, 7, 6, 3, 5, 0, 7, 6, 1, 8, 2, 5, 5, 6, 2, 5, 7, 4, 5, 6, 9, 6, 5, 7, 3, 7, 6, 9, 6, 9, 2, 1, 0, 2, 4, 6, 1, 9, 8, 7, 2, 7, 9, 0, 1, 2, 2, 5, 9, 9, 7, 8, 9, 5, 4, 2, 7, 5, 4, 6, 7, 6, 2, 7, 9, 3, 0, 1, 8, 9, 9, 0, 5, 1, 9, 2, 4, 5, 3, 6, 1, 4, 1, 8, 4, 5, 5, 7, 1, 7, 2, 2, 4, 8, 0, 3, 0, 4, 9, 6, 1, 8, 8, 0, 0, 7, 2, 8, 8, 5, 0, 1, 8, 5, 8, 2, 5, 2, 4, 2, 7, 6, 8, 1, 0, 3, 7, 3, 8, 6, 9, 7, 6, 6, 9, 1, 4, 9, 2, 2, 1, 4, 7, 3, 5, 2, 5, 9, 1, 4, 5, 2, 5, 1, 8, 9, 1, 6, 4, 6, 3, 8, 8, 1, 7, 7, 3, 6, 8, 9, 8, 7, 8, 7, 1, 5, 1, 4, 4, 4, 5, 2, 8, 1, 9, 3, 4, 6, 8, 1, 1, 3, 1, 8, 5, 4, 8, 1, 5, 0, 5, 2, 4, 1, 7, 5, 4, 4, 4, 2, 9, 3, 9, 9, 2, 1, 9, 8, 9, 8, 2, 9, 7, 3, 6, 7, 0, 0, 7, 0, 5, 4, 3, 0, 7, 2, 0, 2, 3, 6, 9, 4, 7, 0, 1, 2, 9, 3, 6, 0, 5, 1, 7, 9, 9, 8, 5, 2, 2, 4, 5, 6, 6, 8, 2, 9, 3, 3, 5, 2, 1, 8, 9, 6, 9, 3, 3, 3, 3, 8, 5, 8, 8, 8, 3, 2, 9, 7, 0, 8, 5, 0, 0, 3, 0, 6, 6, 6, 4, 5, 3, 1, 6, 9, 4, 3, 8, 0, 0, 1, 9, 5, 8, 0, 2, 6, 1, 5, 5, 6, 4, 8, 8, 5, 7, 5, 6, 4, 0, 1, 5, 3, 2, 3, 2, 9, 2, 8, 4, 3, 3, 5, 5, 7, 9, 3, 1, 3, 6, 0, 1, 3, 5, 2, 8, 3, 4, 6, 2, 5, 4, 7, 7, 9, 2, 0, 0, 6, 4, 9, 1, 4, 7, 1, 8, 4, 3, 8, 6, 3, 3, 5, 9, 8, 9, 2, 6, 0, 6, 8, 1, 8, 3, 4, 3, 1, 2, 7, 2, 4, 3, 4, 7, 1, 7, 2, 2, 3, 8, 0, 4, 3, 6, 6, 0, 5, 7, 2, 1, 4, 8, 8, 0, 4, 6, 0, 1, 9, 8, 8, 4, 0, 0, 8, 7, 8, 9, 8, 3, 7, 7, 9, 7, 6, 8, 4, 8, 8, 2, 2, 6, 5, 5, 3, 3, 0, 7, 9, 1, 2, 2, 3, 0, 2, 6, 9, 5, 1, 5, 2, 1, 9, 4, 5, 7, 4, 6, 3, 5, 1, 3, 2, 5, 1, 5, 6, 9, 2, 9, 9, 7, 8, 6, 3, 0, 5, 3, 2, 5, 9, 5, 7, 6, 6, 3, 6, 4, 2, 8, 6, 4, 0, 8, 0, 0, 4, 8, 3, 5, 3, 7, 9, 8, 4, 3, 6, 8, 0, 1, 4, 6, 6, 8, 1, 9, 1, 1, 4, 0, 8, 0, 7, 4, 4, 3, 2, 9, 7, 6, 2, 2, 3, 5, 1, 2, 3, 6, 4, 9, 3, 4, 5, 9, 7, 4, 4, 2, 8, 4, 3, 6, 3, 9, 0, 0, 3, 4, 3, 8, 9, 2, 9, 6, 6, 8, 9, 5, 3, 6, 8, 2, 4, 4, 3, 8, 3, 1, 9, 2, 0, 5, 7, 9, 6, 4, 7, 6, 7, 0, 7, 8, 7, 7, 2, 8, 2, 2, 5, 9, 9, 4, 2, 5, 1, 7, 2, 9, 8, 9, 0, 0, 1, 1, 2, 4, 8, 6, 2, 4, 6, 5, 7, 5, 0, 5, 7, 1, 7, 9, 2, 8, 4, 3, 9, 0, 4, 7, 8, 9, 2, 9, 9, 9, 7, 9, 1, 9, 2, 3, 4, 8, 5, 4, 5, 9, 4, 4, 2, 5, 7, 5, 0, 7, 8, 3, 8, 3, 0, 6, 8, 8, 6, 4, 1, 1, 3, 1, 0, 8, 1, 5, 7, 5, 7, 4, 2, 4, 7, 8, 6, 7, 6, 9, 7, 7, 9, 6, 3, 9, 2, 9, 3, 4, 2, 1, 5, 0, 1, 8, 0, 2, 5, 4, 6, 2, 6, 5, 6, 4, 0, 8, 7, 5, 3, 4, 4, 6, 6, 1, 8, 1, 4, 5, 4, 9, 0, 6, 4, 2, 0, 6, 6, 9, 5, 4, 3, 6, 7, 4, 1, 1, 4, 3, 2, 0, 7, 7, 5, 9, 0, 1, 1, 7, 1, 5, 8, 3, 2, 7, 0, 4, 9, 1, 3, 0, 2, 6, 9, 5, 7, 0, 9, 9, 1, 0, 0, 4, 9, 8, 6, 7, 3, 4, 2, 8, 5, 4, 5, 0, 9, 6, 8, 2, 4, 2, 2, 9, 5, 3, 4, 3, 4, 7, 4, 2, 3, 9, 3, 8, 0, 8, 1, 1, 4, 3, 1, 9, 3, 8, 3, 3, 6, 3, 1, 7, 2, 4, 2, 1, 0, 9, 2, 3, 5, 1, 8, 4, 6, 6, 7, 9, 1, 3, 4, 5, 4, 4, 5, 7, 4, 2, 7, 1, 4, 8, 7, 7, 8, 8, 7, 4, 1, 2, 9, 8, 7, 6, 4, 8, 1, 4, 1, 8, 0, 7, 9, 2, 5, 2, 1, 2, 4, 8, 5, 5, 2, 4, 3, 3, 1, 4, 8, 7, 0, 7, 5, 6, 0, 2, 2, 4, 6, 6, 7, 2, 3, 1, 2, 8, 1, 0, 0, 3, 3, 2, 9, 7, 2, 7, 2, 5, 7, 2, 9, 7, 8, 8, 2, 6, 4, 4, 5, 1, 3, 3, 3, 1, 8, 2, 1, 1, 3, 6, 7, 5, 7, 4, 0, 8, 9, 4, 9, 0, 0, 9, 1, 5, 9, 4, 0, 2, 8, 7, 2, 0, 8, 2, 0, 0, 2, 3, 5, 6, 2, 1, 0, 5, 2, 0, 5, 8, 6, 6, 8, 4, 7, 4, 8, 8, 5, 5, 7, 8, 0, 3, 8, 6, 4, 2, 6, 6, 7, 3, 1, 6, 5, 3, 7, 7, 5, 1, 6, 7, 6, 8, 3, 9, 9, 7, 5, 5, 3, 9, 6, 8, 2, 2, 9, 8, 9, 3, 0, 1, 0, 9, 4, 6, 7, 2, 0, 6, 8, 5, 7, 4, 4, 8, 0, 3, 7, 3, 7, 7, 1, 5, 7, 6, 5, 7, 2, 0, 0, 5, 6, 7, 4, 7, 1, 0, 0, 7, 2, 6, 9, 3, 4, 3, 8, 5, 8, 6, 2, 5, 2, 3, 2, 4, 5, 5, 9, 1, 3, 0, 7, 9, 3, 3, 4, 6, 5, 4, 0, 6, 3, 2, 7, 9, 9, 4, 2, 5, 1, 9, 3, 9, 9, 7, 2, 0, 4, 3, 3, 2, 9, 7, 6, 7, 8, 9, 1, 1, 8, 3, 4, 9, 5, 6, 0, 5, 5, 5, 9, 1, 1, 6, 0, 7, 0, 2, 8, 3, 7, 7, 9, 3, 6, 2, 3, 7, 3, 1, 4, 0, 5, 4, 0, 5, 0, 5, 3, 9, 5, 0, 7, 1, 4, 4, 2, 6, 7, 4, 3, 6, 0, 3, 8, 5, 5, 9, 1, 1, 1, 1, 0, 7, 2, 3, 6, 3, 4, 9, 3, 9, 9, 2, 0, 5, 2, 3, 2, 2, 0, 8, 1, 5, 7, 0, 0, 5, 9, 0, 8, 9, 9, 4, 1, 9, 2, 3, 9, 0, 3, 8, 2, 7, 3, 9, 2, 5, 3, 8, 1, 8, 5, 9, 1, 6, 4, 9, 2, 3, 2, 9, 9, 2, 7, 1, 5, 3, 8, 3, 9, 8, 5, 2, 6, 6, 8, 5, 7, 1, 2, 0, 8, 5, 8, 5, 3, 4, 4, 4, 8, 9, 7, 3, 0, 2, 7, 9, 4, 6, 0, 4, 8, 2, 1, 4, 4, 7, 1, 5, 6, 4, 6, 7, 6, 0, 5, 4, 4, 4, 3, 8, 5, 8, 3, 7, 6, 3, 8, 5, 6, 0, 5, 5, 8, 4, 4, 3, 8, 8, 0, 1, 2, 1, 3, 1, 2, 1, 8, 3, 8, 5, 0, 5, 4, 6, 2, 1, 4, 9, 1, 4, 8, 7, 2, 5, 6, 9, 8, 6, 6, 9, 8, 7, 8, 7, 2, 5, 7, 0, 8, 8, 2, 9, 3, 5, 9, 2, 5, 5, 5, 3, 5, 8, 7, 3, 3, 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 6, 3, 8, 6, 2, 0, 7, 7, 1, 2, 7, 6, 3, 5, 1, 2, 4, 6, 8, 7, 8, 9, 9, 3, 7, 2, 8, 7, 3, 9, 7, 4, 9, 1, 8, 9, 2, 7, 2, 0, 1, 5, 1, 1, 6, 4, 2, 0, 1, 9, 3, 9, 6, 5, 3, 7, 6, 5, 4, 6, 0, 8, 8, 6, 2, 6, 8, 2, 6, 6, 2, 4, 3, 6, 3, 6, 2, 8, 4, 8, 0, 0, 8, 6, 4, 3, 5, 0, 2, 5, 1, 7, 2, 2, 2, 0, 7, 0, 3, 7, 3, 2, 6, 9, 6, 3, 1, 2, 5, 2, 6, 2, 4, 6, 3, 4, 2, 9, 3, 4, 4, 8, 5, 8, 8, 6, 5, 4, 8, 1, 0, 4, 2, 2, 9, 7, 5, 4, 0, 8, 7, 0, 2, 6, 7, 4, 1, 9, 0, 4, 6, 0, 8, 5, 2, 7, 7, 0, 7, 9, 0, 2, 8, 7, 0, 4, 4, 0, 4, 6, 8, 9, 2, 3, 4, 7, 3, 6, 7, 0, 0, 0, 9, 7, 2, 7, 6, 6, 7, 7, 6, 1, 8, 8, 2, 9, 7, 3, 0, 7, 1, 5, 7, 9, 5, 8, 0, 6, 7, 2, 6, 0, 3, 3, 4, 1, 2, 6, 0, 3, 7, 6, 8, 6, 1, 1, 0, 6, 0, 8, 1, 4, 4, 8, 1, 8, 6, 3, 1, 4, 3, 7, 7, 6, 4, 0, 4, 8, 7, 8, 3, 2, 8, 4, 6, 6, 6, 8, 4, 8, 4, 0, 3, 0, 8, 3, 1, 0, 1, 8, 4, 3, 3, 3, 2, 7, 0, 3, 9, 6, 4, 1, 4, 9, 7, 3, 4, 4, 9, 3, 0, 4, 9, 3, 0, 9, 2, 4, 0, 3, 6, 5, 6, 3, 5, 1, 8, 2, 6, 0, 8, 6, 7, 1, 8, 9, 4, 9, 7, 8, 9, 2, 4, 0, 5, 1, 1, 8, 7, 3, 5, 4, 4, 6, 0, 3, 5, 4, 4, 9, 5, 8, 8, 4, 3, 2, 9, 4, 7, 9, 6, 5, 9, 7, 1, 9, 9, 0, 5, 2, 8, 7, 5, 3, 5, 7, 2, 7, 2, 0, 5, 0, 7, 4, 4, 1, 3, 2, 7, 8, 9, 3, 4, 0, 4, 8, 1, 5, 9, 4, 4, 2, 1, 9, 3, 6, 2, 2, 7, 3, 3, 4, 0, 9, 9, 6, 7, 1, 2, 5, 8, 0, 5, 0, 7, 3, 4, 0, 0, 7, 9, 9, 6, 3, 5, 9, 8, 5, 4, 8, 7, 5, 3, 9, 6, 1, 5, 2, 4, 3, 6, 6, 0, 8, 9, 4, 6, 8, 1, 3, 5, 7, 1, 3, 1, 3, 4, 6, 8, 7, 8, 2, 3, 7, 7, 5, 4, 4, 2, 9, 0, 3, 7, 0, 1, 7, 6, 9, 5, 7, 5, 0, 6, 8, 9, 9, 6, 0, 2, 0, 3, 4, 1, 2, 0, 7, 2, 9, 0, 5, 6, 1, 3, 8, 3, 9, 4, 0, 2, 2, 0, 9, 4, 3, 6, 4, 9, 8, 4, 0, 8, 8, 0, 6, 5, 3, 0, 6, 6, 6, 1, 8, 1, 6, 9, 4, 3, 8, 7, 4, 0, 5, 6, 3, 8, 4, 2, 6, 7, 4, 6, 7, 3, 7, 6, 7, 9, 6, 7, 3, 7, 0, 0, 1, 4, 1, 3, 0, 9, 6, 0, 7, 9, 8, 6, 2, 7, 2, 7, 6, 5, 7, 8, 6, 6, 9, 0, 5, 1, 3, 0, 3, 2, 7, 8, 0, 5, 0, 4, 1, 2, 6, 3, 6, 0, 0, 4, 6, 1, 7, 6, 4, 7, 1, 9, 1, 8, 4, 2, 9, 3, 6, 6, 9, 3, 9, 1, 7, 6, 6, 4, 4, 6, 3, 7, 3, 2, 7, 2, 7, 9, 5, 1, 4, 4, 1, 1, 7, 1, 7, 9, 8, 2, 6, 9, 3, 4, 8, 9, 9, 9, 6, 7, 3, 7, 3, 4, 2, 9, 5, 5, 8, 6, 1, 9, 4, 7, 9, 5, 0, 2, 3, 4, 0, 2, 3, 4, 7, 0, 2, 1, 6, 3, 4, 1, 9, 7, 3, 8, 7, 0, 5, 2, 4, 2, 1, 6, 2, 8, 8, 3, 0, 8, 5, 7, 7, 4, 3, 4, 9, 6, 7, 3, 2, 0, 3, 7, 9, 4, 6, 3, 2, 6, 3, 0, 2, 6, 0, 8, 5, 0, 4, 0, 4, 6, 0, 3, 3, 5, 7, 0, 2, 4, 9, 1, 4, 8, 6, 7, 0, 1, 9, 5, 8, 1, 7, 6, 2, 2, 0, 6, 3, 0, 1, 0, 9, 2, 8, 5, 4, 9, 6, 8, 1, 9, 8, 6, 6, 1, 6, 5, 7, 6, 0, 6, 4, 3, 0, 1, 4, 4, 1, 3, 7, 2, 2, 5, 8, 8, 5, 5, 2, 2, 9, 9, 0, 8, 8, 8, 7, 6, 5, 3, 0, 8, 9, 5, 2, 9, 9, 1, 2, 9, 7, 6, 1, 2, 5, 8, 5, 2, 7, 6, 4, 0, 1, 2, 5, 0, 7, 9, 0, 1, 6, 0, 0, 6, 5, 4, 6, 6, 8, 9, 9, 9, 8, 1, 6, 8, 0, 0, 2, 3, 7, 8, 1, 7, 8, 3, 3, 1, 4, 0, 2, 9, 7, 7, 6, 7, 3, 3, 1, 2, 9, 2, 3, 6, 4, 6, 2, 6, 8, 1, 4, 7, 5, 1, 6, 9, 0, 7, 8, 5, 2, 1, 7, 3, 0, 3, 4, 5, 3, 2, 7, 4, 1, 6, 7, 2, 4, 5, 4, 3, 0, 9, 0, 3, 7, 8, 1, 7, 8, 0, 3, 2, 2, 2, 9, 1, 8, 6, 7, 5, 9, 2, 4, 1, 3, 9, 7, 3, 7, 5, 8, 6, 5, 6, 1, 8, 5, 6, 7, 5, 4, 1, 7, 3, 1, 7, 1, 5, 7, 5, 5, 7, 9, 2, 1, 2, 2, 2, 6, 3, 4, 0, 2, 4, 3, 5, 7, 6, 8, 9, 5, 8, 5, 4, 4, 3, 7, 1, 5, 6, 4, 4, 4, 0, 4, 2, 4, 5, 2, 5, 3, 4, 2, 2, 0, 7, 9, 4, 3, 9, 6, 6, 6, 9, 6, 3, 9, 5, 7, 0, 2, 5, 2, 9, 1, 2, 2, 8, 3, 8, 2, 2, 3, 1, 8, 3, 6, 8, 8, 7, 4, 0, 1, 4, 2, 4, 7, 7, 3, 6, 6, 2, 9, 2, 7, 7, 3, 2, 8, 1, 3, 4, 2, 6, 9, 8, 3, 1, 1, 4, 6, 2, 4, 7, 7, 0, 7, 2, 4, 2, 5, 8, 8, 0, 8, 2, 4, 9, 5, 3, 2, 4, 4, 8, 9, 6, 8, 9, 6, 3, 5, 3, 1, 4, 2, 8, 5, 7, 8, 2, 0, 5, 5, 2, 8, 3, 8, 4, 1, 5, 9, 8, 4, 6, 3, 5, 2, 9, 5, 0, 4, 1, 9, 3, 6, 3, 2, 3, 5, 6, 8, 4, 3, 3, 9, 8, 7, 7, 0, 6, 2, 0, 4, 3, 9, 7, 4, 1, 0, 0, 8, 7, 5, 7, 9, 1, 0, 1, 3, 5, 2, 2, 0, 8, 7, 6, 6, 8, 9, 9, 0, 2, 4, 3, 8, 0, 7, 5, 4, 1, 9, 9, 5, 9, 9, 4, 6, 6, 8, 3, 0, 0, 1, 0, 9, 7, 9, 6, 0, 6, 3, 7, 1, 1, 1, 1, 9, 8, 9, 3, 4, 1, 0, 8, 6, 8, 8, 0, 6, 4, 5, 1, 2, 1, 0, 2, 8, 8, 5, 3, 2, 2, 3, 9, 6, 8, 3, 1, 8, 8, 7, 9, 7, 0, 9, 2, 0, 4, 9, 7, 9, 1, 9, 9, 0, 5, 4, 5, 9, 4, 0, 8, 3, 8, 6, 5, 5, 1, 6, 0, 2, 0, 3, 3, 8, 2, 6, 0, 8, 6, 3, 4, 0, 8, 6, 9, 5, 8, 4, 1, 8, 2, 2, 8, 9, 0, 8, 2, 0, 5, 2, 2, 8, 4, 4, 6, 7, 8, 0, 0, 3, 8, 2, 4, 2, 5, 1, 8, 3, 0, 2, 2, 5, 9, 3, 0, 1, 4, 1, 6, 9, 3, 1, 2, 9, 0, 4, 5, 1, 1, 5, 1, 4, 6, 9, 7, 1, 9, 9, 5, 2, 6, 0, 6, 6, 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0, 4, 8, 5, 5, 6, 7, 8, 6, 6, 2, 2, 3, 3, 9, 1, 0, 1, 7, 7, 9, 3, 3, 8, 8, 7, 0, 4, 5, 9, 5, 4, 5, 4, 8, 3, 9, 7, 7, 8, 4, 5, 5, 9, 5, 3, 4, 2, 1, 4, 0, 7, 9, 8, 4, 7, 6, 7, 9, 0, 3, 6, 6, 0, 1, 5, 4, 6, 3, 3, 6, 6, 1, 5, 2, 7, 8, 9, 3, 1, 1, 9, 5, 5, 7, 1, 3, 0, 9, 6, 8, 1, 7, 9, 5, 0, 8, 5, 5, 2, 3, 8, 7, 1, 0, 8, 1, 9, 9, 6, 5, 4, 2, 0, 3, 3, 9, 7, 1, 1, 2, 5, 5, 4, 6, 8, 6, 4, 9, 9, 3, 6, 6, 2, 9, 1, 1, 2, 8, 9, 1, 5, 5, 4, 6, 3, 9, 8, 8, 6, 7, 4, 2, 6, 1, 9, 2, 6, 4, 0, 0, 5, 9, 4, 4, 4, 6, 3, 3, 2, 5, 9, 4, 8, 4, 5, 2, 6, 4, 1, 7, 6, 6, 7, 4, 7, 0, 2, 4, 1, 7, 0, 8, 0, 2, 1, 2, 8, 7, 1, 0, 9, 7, 7, 5, 9, 0, 4, 6, 4, 0, 3, 9, 3, 7, 0, 2, 1, 8, 2, 4, 1, 8, 7, 3, 6, 0, 0, 4, 2, 4, 5, 5, 8, 8, 8, 5, 7, 5, 8, 8, 9, 5, 6, 5, 0, 4, 7, 4, 7, 1, 6, 3, 5, 2, 2, 0, 5, 6, 9, 9, 3, 8, 2, 6, 0, 3, 8, 6, 2, 2, 1, 9, 2, 0, 3, 9, 1, 7, 6, 7, 0, 2, 7, 0, 6, 3, 6, 5, 0, 0, 7, 3, 3, 4, 8, 8, 9, 7, 7, 9, 1, 5, 7, 5, 9, 5, 4, 1, 5, 2, 5, 5, 1, 1, 9, 4, 2, 9, 8, 0, 2, 5, 3, 4, 5, 2, 7, 8, 4, 2, 1, 0, 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Date: December 11th, 2005 11:06 AM Author: vengeful Subject: Stupid 4, 6, 5, 6, 7, 3, 8, 0, 2, 5, 6, 0, 0, 2, 6, 0, 8, 1, 1, 9, 5, 5, 7, 1, 9, 7, 0, 6, 6, 6, 0, 7, 2, 8, 7, 5, 0, 7, 6, 8, 0, 6, 2, 7, 4, 3, 3, 1, 8, 9, 7, 6, 6, 6, 8, 5, 1, 0, 6, 5, 2, 9, 7, 3, 2, 0, 5, 2, 3, 3, 3, 1, 2, 1, 5, 7, 9, 7, 6, 1, 5, 3, 7, 6, 1, 7, 7, 1, 9, 7, 9, 2, 7, 2, 6, 6, 3, 7, 2, 1, 9, 3, 7, 6, 5, 4, 1, 6, 3, 7, 1, 3, 2, 1, 4, 1, 0, 0, 0, 2, 8, 4, 8, 7, 8, 8, 5, 4, 2, 9, 7, 1, 5, 2, 7, 5, 1, 1, 2, 9, 0, 4, 3, 9, 4, 2, 4, 3, 7, 4, 3, 8, 0, 1, 6, 1, 5, 6, 0, 4, 3, 2, 8, 0, 1, 5, 7, 0, 3, 5, 8, 7, 4, 0, 9, 5, 3, 7, 9, 4, 0, 3, 6, 9, 2, 9, 8, 5, 8, 6, 5, 8, 6, 9, 6, 3, 5, 6, 1, 9, 4, 5, 9, 1, 8, 6, 4, 1, 2, 5, 5, 4, 5, 4, 9, 3, 8, 1, 8, 4, 4, 1, 0, 4, 5, 5, 9, 4, 5, 0, 6, 6, 0, 6, 4, 5, 5, 9, 7, 7, 8, 7, 4, 5, 2, 0, 1, 6, 3, 0, 3, 3, 3, 9, 3, 2, 6, 5, 9, 6, 7, 0, 9, 1, 7, 5, 8, 6, 9, 8, 4, 0, 4, 8, 4, 7, 2, 4, 9, 6, 6, 0, 1, 6, 6, 7, 2, 6, 5, 3, 8, 1, 1, 2, 3, 9, 4, 1, 6, 8, 9, 0, 9, 6, 8, 6, 9, 0, 9, 3, 3, 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4, 4, 3, 4, 9, 7, 2, 2, 3, 2, 4, 1, 4, 5, 2, 8, 6, 6, 5, 3, 8, 7, 8, 1, 6, 8, 8, 7, 5, 7, 9, 9, 9, 8, 4, 8, 1, 9, 1, 6, 7, 4, 9, 1, 5, 4, 4, 5, 9, 0, 8, 9, 7, 7, 0, 3, 7, 4, 5, 3, 9, 8, 3, 8, 1, 5, 7, 3, 0, 7, 7, 5, 0, 8, 0, 8, 4, 7, 3, 2, 5, 1, 3, 1, 3, 6, 1, 9, 4, 9, 3, 8, 4, 0, 1, 0, 3, 5, 3, 2, 0, 0, 8, 4, 2, 7, 9, 4, 5, 4, 4, 7, 6, 9, 7, 2, 5, 2, 0, 4, 8, 6, 8, 8, 4, 8, 2, 6, 3, 4, 4, 3, 2, 0, 8, 7, 8, 1, 2, 5, 0, 1, 4, 5, 2, 8, 9, 4, 9, 4, 4, 7, 3, 0, 4, 8, 6, 3, 2, 3, 8, 1, 2, 1, 8, 4, 1, 8, 6, 4, 5, 2, 8, 3, 3, 1, 4, 7, 6, 1, 3, 4, 6, 1, 8, 2, 8, 6, 3, 1, 9, 0, 8, 9, 2, 8, 5, 1, 5, 2, 8, 3, 1, 3, 2, 2, 9, 1, 2, 1, 9, 2, 9, 6, 0, 9, 6, 9, 6, 2, 7, 9, 3, 9, 7, 1, 0, 9, 2, 0, 9, 2, 5, 6, 8, 9, 3, 6, 6, 8, 2, 6, 8, 8, 0, 2, 3, 1, 3, 1, 8, 0, 2, 1, 5, 5, 4, 3, 9, 9, 7, 3, 0, 3, 4, 7, 2, 3, 6, 9, 2, 1, 3, 6, 7, 7, 4, 1, 2, 8, 5, 7, 6, 4, 1, 1, 8, 0, 4, 3, 6, 2, 9, 6, 5, 8, 5, 5, 1, 8, 1, 7, 4, 5, 9, 1, 6, 1, 5, 8, 4, 8, 8, 8, 3, 0, 9, 8, 4, 2, 8, 4, 4, 6, 4, 9, 9, 5, 9, 4, 1, 2, 0, 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6, 1, 3, 2, 7, 1, 8, 8, 0, 5, 1, 7, 2, 6, 2, 4, 3, 0, 5, 6, 7, 1, 1, 3, 9, 9, 0, 8, 9, 7, 8, 4, 3, 2, 8, 2, 7, 3, 0, 5, 4, 3, 5, 9, 4, 0, 3, 2, 7, 8, 9, 1, 8, 8, 0, 3, 6, 1, 0, 6, 5, 5, 5, 1, 0, 2, 9, 2, 3, 6, 9, 1, 0, 8, 6, 3, 6, 1, 1, 8, 9, 5, 7, 4, 8, 0, 7, 6, 4, 5, 2, 4, 3, 3, 3, 9, 6, 1, 2, 0, 9, 7, 2, 7, 1, 5, 1, 8, 5, 2, 0, 5, 8, 2, 5, 1, 0, 2, 1, 6, 7, 3, 0, 2, 9, 6, 4, 9, 0, 0, 2, 7, 1, 0, 8, 8, 0, 2, 5, 6, 2, 0, 8, 2, 2, 4, 1, 0, 5, 9, 6, 0, 6, 7, 5, 6, 3, 0, 8, 3, 4, 6, 4, 7, 2, 7, 9, 5, 6, 0, 5, 3, 8, 7, 8, 5, 5, 9, 8, 5, 7, 0, 1, 5, 9, 6, 8, 6, 0, 6, 6, 8, 0, 9, 9, 1, 2, 1, 8, 3, 2, 2, 1, 9, 8, 5, 2, 5, 5, 1, 1, 4, 6, 8, 8, 9, 5, 6, 5, 4, 3, 5, 9, 1, 3, 9, 0, 7, 1, 6, 2, 4, 0, 8, 5, 5, 2, 9, 0, 9, 7, 8, 9, 9, 1, 1, 5, 5, 8, 9, 6, 6, 2, 5, 4, 9, 5, 8, 8, 1, 4, 4, 1, 4, 0, 4, 3, 6, 4, 7, 9, 9, 7, 4, 2, 1, 0, 7, 4, 4, 7, 4, 5, 2, 0, 9, 3, 1, 4, 5, 4, 0, 7, 6, 1, 5, 9, 2, 8, 9, 5, 0, 3, 6, 8, 4, 7, 2, 1, 7, 5, 9, 8, 9, 3, 8, 4, 7, 3, 2, 1, 3, 6, 3, 3, 7, 9, 1, 9, 9, 4, 5, 8, 6, 1, 1, 1, 4, 8, 7, 2, 7, 7, 6, 1, 3, 3, 9, 1, 5, 4, 4, 6, 5, 0, 3, 4, 6, 7, 1, 7, 4, 9, 3, 0, 3, 2, 8, 7, 8, 9, 8, 9, 9, 5, 0, 8, 1, 8, 3, 2, 1, 4, 3, 9, 8, 4, 5, 9, 8, 9, 2, 3, 3, 3, 8, 8, 1, 4, 8, 7, 4, 7, 3, 6, 3, 8, 6, 6, 3, 5, 1, 0, 8, 3, 4, 0, 5, 3, 6, 9, 3, 1, 0, 0, 2, 9, 0, 4, 1, 0, 8, 6, 6, 5, 0, 9, 4, 4, 0, 0, 8, 3, 9, 6, 8, 3, 9, 7, 5, 1, 4, 7, 6, 5, 4, 8, 4, 3, 9, 1, 8, 6, 1, 9, 4, 2, 3, 5, 5, 3, 1, 2, 0, 0, 9, 5, 6, 1, 8, 1, 6, 6, 7, 5, 4, 2, 4, 1, 0, 5, 3, 2, 3, 6, 6, 7, 3, 8, 0, 8, 8, 8, 1, 5, 1, 6, 7, 7, 0, 7, 3, 7, 2, 2, 1, 1, 8, 8, 6, 8, 9, 0, 5, 0, 3, 3, 6, 3, 6, 6, 5, 9, 0, 3, 2, 3, 5, 3, 1, 8, 1, 4, 7, 3, 4, 8, 0, 5, 2, 7, 1, 7, 3, 1, 4, 1, 5, 1, 3, 0, 9, 1, 1, 5, 1, 4, 5, 4, 1, 2, 0, 4, 8, 5, 9, 0, 8, 9, 7, 4, 7, 5, 4, 5, 5, 3, 1, 7, 3, 8, 0, 1, 8, 2, 9, 0, 6, 0, 9, 0, 6, 4, 1, 0, 5, 5, 5, 6, 1, 9, 7, 5, 2, 3, 2, 8, 9, 7, 3, 1, 8, 7, 4, 8, 2, 7, 0, 9, 5, 3, 4, 2, 8, 1, 3, 7, 7, 2, 7, 7, 8, 3, 5, 3, 5, 3, 6, 4, 0, 4, 2, 2, 5, 0, 8, 7, 2, 8, 4, 4, 1, 6, 0, 5, 9, 5, 2, 4, 0, 4, 3, 7, 8, 4, 4, 6, 4, 3, 9, 4, 9, 3, 2, 9, 4, 6, 0, 0, 7, 1, 1, 1, 6, 0, 0, 0, 1, 3, 1, 6, 0, 0, 0, 6, 8, 9, 0, 3, 6, 3, 1, 1, 3, 8, 1, 9, 2, 0, 6, 5, 6, 0, 0, 6, 5, 1, 7, 2, 4, 0, 2, 6, 5, 6, 2, 6, 7, 5, 8, 5, 4, 4, 1, 5, 9, 2, 0, 3, 1, 5, 7, 7, 9, 5, 0, 4, 4, 9, 8, 8, 8, 9, 4, 8, 4, 2, 8, 9, 1, 7, 0, 8, 7, 3, 9, 4, 3, 8, 5, 8, 3, 8, 7, 6, 1, 4, 4, 8, 9, 8, 1, 9, 3, 1, 9, 7, 9, 7, 4, 2, 3, 1, 2, 1, 3, 6, 3, 6, 6, 2, 0, 9, 4, 6, 2, 6, 8, 0, 2, 7, 2, 7, 2, 7, 0, 7, 3, 6, 8, 7, 3, 0, 3, 5, 6, 2, 9, 4, 1, 7, 1, 4, 7, 7, 5, 5, 8, 7, 8, 6, 7, 8, 4, 7, 6, 6, 2, 6, 6, 0, 2, 6, 9, 5, 4, 7, 6, 8, 4, 8, 8, 6, 4, 9, 2, 4, 9, 4, 3, 4, 4, 9, 3, 9, 6, 6, 0 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4526851) |
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Date: December 11th, 2005 11:05 AM Author: marrakesh (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4526849) |
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Date: December 11th, 2005 6:56 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Happy holidays... By the way, does this thread kill bandwidth? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4530309) |
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Date: December 11th, 2005 6:58 PM Author: crystalline \
The most prestigious law school admissions discussion board in the world. BackRefresh Options
Last person to respond to this thread wins
ready, set, go. MachoBreeze 04/20/04 . DickBandit 04/20/04 THIS THREAD IS CLOSED. Elegant Elliott Offen 09/26/04 reopened. Extreme Fajitas 10/02/04 and reopened again. Dan the Man 06/03/05 And again... Jim S. Adler 07/28/05 You are so cute and sexy. HTH. Slinky Damsel 10/11/05 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 ... Dr. Anthony T Kronman 04/20/04 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 (*)(*) sexybeast 04/20/04 . DickBandit 04/20/04 No, I win Jim S. Adler 05/18/04
One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 hmm Jim S. Adler 01/18/05 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 THE WINNER!!!!! for the next ten seconds TTTthemovie 11/21/05 hi Marvelous 12/11/05 ^ Dr. Anthony T Kronman 04/20/04 ... rambler 04/20/04 How will you announce the winner without becoming the winner... Poetic dreamer 04/20/04 A few years ago, while browsing around the library downtow... Rear_Admiral_Darth_Butt_Monkey 04/20/04 i win MachoBreeze 04/21/04 No, you lose. WBA 04/21/04 I win! edit: Damn! beanie boy 04/21/04 i have defeated you. Shoeless Joe 04/21/04 *yawn* APP 04/21/04 I'm the champ!!! samhornalito 04/21/04 . DickBandit 04/21/04 Take that!!! samhornalito 04/28/04 I'm still winning. samhornalito 05/05/04 L *.mandy.* 05/05/04 If I win this, it will compete with my National Hispanic Rec... viva_boricua 05/05/04 You won't win this. Give up now. samhornalito 05/05/04 If you really want it that badly, you can have it. viva_boricua 05/05/04 Thanks. samhornalito 05/05/04 Anytime. viva_boricua 05/05/04 LOSERS take that *.mandy.* 05/05/04 Take what? samhornalito 05/05/04 WINNA WINNA WINNA Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 Stick to morning radio. samhornalito 05/05/04 Not anymore Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 bastards *.mandy.* 05/05/04 All of us? samhornalito 05/05/04 fuck yeah! this still counts, you only have to respond la... *.mandy.* 05/05/04 I'm the winner! Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 "Wudda I win?" Futureman 05/05/04 Nothing. samhornalito 05/05/04 The correct answer would have been: "Uh, anything in thi... Futureman 05/05/04 Nothing, cause you're not the winner Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 Neither are you. samhornalito 05/05/04 damn you! Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 Hello hello Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 Goodbye Booey Maguire. samhornalito 05/05/04 you complete me Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 Next Person to respond has sex with his/her mom and dad howhigh 05/05/04 Aye Papi Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 Ouch, I don't want to win this war anymore... howhigh 05/05/04 Yeah, except that it's opposite day, dumbass. samhornalito 05/05/04 I guess your saying I'm the opposite of a dumbass then. And... howhigh 05/05/04 so you think it is opposite day? Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 Are you aksing me if I think it's NOT opposite day? howhigh 05/05/04 god we aren't pathetic Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 Tomorrow is opposite day. beanie boy 05/05/04 If it's opposite day thent he last person to post loses. Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 Uh, I think that violates some part of the time-space contin... samhornalito 05/05/04 I win. I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 Hey, congratulations. samhornalito 05/05/04 Thanks. I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 we tied But now I win. *.mandy.* 05/05/04 Stop it. I already won. I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 or do you? samhornalito 05/05/04 weak howhigh 05/05/04 What's weak? samhornalito 05/05/04 You are. The Meanest Fish 05/05/04 VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOm VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOO... *.mandy.* 05/05/04 Hey, ouch! Jerk! I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 I think you misspelled a couple of words there. samhornalito 05/05/04 sneaky Im cool because I use the word dood 11/08/04 I win. If you respond anymore I will take a dump on you EYES Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 Yawn. Been there. Done that. Bitch. samhornalito 05/05/04 my dump has hepititis. Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 Is that supposed to STOP me? APguy 05/05/04 There's nothing you can do to me that Castro has not already... I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 say hello to my little friend jeanie 09/05/05 If this is going to continue, the thread should at least be ... viva_boricua 05/05/04 I'm quitting my job in a few weeks.... samhornalito 05/05/04 you will have to get around me though. I am the king of all ... Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 I'm the Don Imus of all last posters. I'll start a cancer r... samhornalito 05/05/04 haha that was hilarious. Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 I see through your thinly veiled cordiality (if that's even ... samhornalito 05/05/04 ... Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 I win. samhornalito 05/05/04 ... Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 im just being a prick One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 yup One 09/05/04 no doubt about it One 09/05/04 who would start such a stupid thread anyway? One 09/05/04 nevermind. One 09/05/04 That was One 09/05/04 this thread One 09/05/04 Know who i dont like? One 09/05/04 and One 09/05/04 and affirmative counteraction One 09/05/04 bust most of all One 09/05/04 god im tired One 09/05/04 i need to sleep One 09/05/04 ahh screw it One 09/05/04 i need no sleep One 09/05/04 oh shit One 09/05/04 am i crazy? One 09/05/04 guess i am One 09/05/04 nope, i do One 09/05/04 at the bottom bitch, oh well YHL ¿the chameleon? 09/05/04 I'm doing this One 09/05/04 see? One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04
One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 i win One 09/05/04 ....... One 09/05/04 bump One 09/06/04 again One 09/07/04 Will anybody find this? Shackleton 11/22/04 I certainly did. nirvanayoda 11/22/04 bastard. Shackleton 11/22/04 fuck you, sucka Im cool because I use the word dood 05/23/05 I am the champion, my friends. samhornalito 05/05/04 *hits samhorn in the head with a baseball bat* Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 ha johnny_hardcore 05/05/04 this thread is now closed. No one may post. P.S. I won Elegant Elliott Offen 05/05/04 You all have your fun. I'll be back in 30 days to claim my ... samhornalito 05/05/04 You win! beanie boy 05/05/04 w theo_greek 05/07/04 The end. samhornalito 05/18/04 splurt. Sachin Tendulkar 05/18/04 Very clever way to run up the response tally. A+ Dominoe 05/18/04 Me. ItsNotPersonal 05/18/04 squirt Sachin Tendulkar 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 I win. Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 I win. Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 I win. Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 I win. Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 I win. Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 I win. Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 I win. Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 I win. Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 I win. Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 I win. Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 I win. Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 No, you lose. ItsNotPersonal 05/18/04 I win! win! WIN! Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 hehe OldMoniker 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 Mark my words. I will win. Cork Soaker 05/18/04 Highly doubtful Jim S. Adler 05/18/04 mrjizz wins Im cool because I use the word dood 10/09/05 I won! I won! h4ck3d 4cc0un7 05/18/04 i just won. hubertbateman 05/18/04 i win johnny_hardcore 05/20/04 I'm not going to win. ----- 05/20/04 I WIN I WIN I WIN YEAAAAAAAHHH!!! ... ... ... <sigh&g... glacialspeed 05/20/04 I will finally win something. samhornalito 05/20/04 Did I win? WBA 05/20/04 Yep. samhornalito 05/20/04 Sweet! WBA 05/20/04 You're on a roll. Keep entering contests. samhornalito 05/20/04 I will! WBA 05/20/04 Which ones? samhornalito 05/20/04 All of them!! WBA 05/20/04 I will make my donation to the never-ending thread. BadgerBadger 05/20/04 *tiptoes sneakily across the finish line* glacialspeed 05/21/04 not yet, glacialspeed don barzini 05/21/04 And I'd have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you ... glacialspeed 05/21/04 POST # 130 HOCHZEITS game face ANON 05/21/04 Well played, Kramer. glacialspeed 05/21/04 I win I win I win *.mandy.* 05/21/04 Ha. Ha. Ha. samhornalito 06/01/04 I don't need this thread to confirm what a loser I am. APP 06/01/04 You're right. samhornalito 06/01/04 bitches. i win of course MazelMafiaDon 06/01/04 Losers Yo Yo 06/01/04 what assshole started this thread? MachoBreeze 06/01/04 Seriously. samhornalito 06/01/04 :) stinky 06/01/04 I win! Again! WBA 06/02/04 Nice work. samhornalito 06/02/04 I win. Extreme Fajitas 06/08/04 False. more cowbell 06/08/04 This is dumb. But I win. Susie Derkins 06/08/04 I'm doing it all for the nookie. samhornalito 06/14/04 *sneaking across the finish line in the middle of the night* WBA 06/16/04 that wasn't the finish line, that was my sister. crap. Shackleton 06/16/04 I predict this will remain for a very long time the longest ... This board has declined 75% 06/16/04 What kind of sap would fall for such a lame... hey I win!... Macanudo 06/16/04 ... Webber's missing timeout 01/18/05 biotches, all of you MachoBreeze 06/16/04 win johnny_hardcore 06/16/04 this is pretty sad roadie2 06/16/04 reclaiming the lead MachoBreeze 06/17/04 I'm not sure I even have an attention span... *.mandy.* 06/17/04 . This board has declined 75% 06/17/04 Next person who psost on this thread DIES FUCKERS!!!!!! V... *.mandy.* 06/17/04 beep beep MachoBreeze 06/17/04 BANG BANG SMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH *.mandy.* 06/25/04 I'm here to claim my victory prize before I leave. samhornalito 06/18/04 Yoink! SlapJohnson 06/18/04 *slaps slapjohnson upside the head, 3 stooges style* whoo... MachoBreeze 06/18/04 Ha. Ha. samhornalito 06/18/04 I WIN! sl0th 06/18/04 Win what? samhornalito 06/18/04 cockmaster. Freaknasty 06/18/04 I WIN AGAIN sl0th 06/18/04 I'd just like to remind everyone that I won. Last post! (f... sl0th 06/24/04 lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllloser! *.mandy.* 06/25/04 WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWINNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr Columbia Law School 06/25/04 tip toes in quietly *.mandy.* 10/29/04 a winner is me AmericanConsumer 06/25/04 dammit, it's 5 am, go away! *.mandy.* 06/25/04 dude... i'm going to bed now. i just wanted to say I WIN on... AmericanConsumer 06/25/04 me *.mandy.* 06/25/04 me *.mandy.* 06/25/04 me *.mandy.* 06/25/04 me *.mandy.* 06/25/04 me *.mandy.* 06/25/04 me *.mandy.* 06/25/04 me *.mandy.* 06/25/04 ME *.mandy.* 06/25/04 ME Columbia Law School 06/25/04 winner AmericanConsumer 06/25/04 I'm the wiener. Bidding is now closed on this eBay auctio... Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 06/25/04 REIGNING CHAMP Columbia Law School 06/25/04 sorry sloth euthyphro2 06/25/04 PWN3D Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 06/25/04 konichiwa, bitches euthyphro2 06/25/04 I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know? thi... Columbia Law School 06/25/04 hee hee Im cool because I use the word dood 06/04/05 what do we win?? sarcastictwist 06/25/04 There's more to life than a little money, ya know. Don'tcha ... Columbia Law School 06/25/04 I WON! Columbia Law School 06/25/04 hi chicky* 06/25/04 They got this guy, in Germany. Fritz Something-or-other. Or ... Columbia Law School 06/25/04 All future posters on this thread will gain weight and becom... *.mandy.* 06/26/04 looks like i'm a big faTTT WINNER!!!! AmericanConsumer 06/26/04 POTATOe Potatoe 06/26/04 I'm in Gamecock 06/26/04 Sneak victory This board has declined 75% 12/22/04 yeah but you get no credit Augean Stable 12/22/04 w00t C: &# 06/26/04 Don't call it a comeback. Extreme Fajitas 06/27/04 i've been here for years MachoBreeze 06/27/04 V This board has declined 75% 07/09/04 What do you win? angeleyesbfh 07/09/04 Boomshakalaka Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 07/19/04 greatest thread in xoxo history MachoBreeze 07/19/04 winnar. Kate the Mac, king of the sack 07/19/04 RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE AND RESCUE MY DAUGHTER Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 07/19/04 *yawn* I WIN I WIN I WIN The JCM Volta 07/19/04 . MachoBreeze 07/19/04 winnar. uncontested. where's the prize? Kate the Mac, king of the sack 07/19/04 blech The JCM Volta 07/19/04 Perfect time to declare myself the winner. more cowbell 07/19/04 not quite perfect. also where are you going to law school i ... UMich 07/19/04 I should still be on LSN.com, but I'm going to Wash U next y... more cowbell 07/19/04 yeah i am zmtl492 also. lol jk. i dont post much on here exc... UMich 07/19/04 It comes from an SNL skit a few years ago with Will Ferrell ... more cowbell 07/19/04 that skit was a classic. and now, a moment of silence to hon... AmericanConsumer 07/19/04 I don't know how to put this...but I'm kind of a bid deal. more cowbell 07/19/04 oh i see. well at least that wont be botherig me later on in... UMich 07/19/04 a winner is me! AmericanConsumer 07/19/04 nope no way. UMich 07/19/04 I've stopped trying to win, but I do still make sure no one ... *.mandy.* 07/19/04 I love how all it takes is my bumping this thread and immedi... more cowbell 07/19/04 Au contraire mon frere. more cowbell 07/19/04 hi@ ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Hi!1!@ *.mandy.* 07/19/04 how are you? Brit 07/19/04 good, survived my big trip, came home alive and well even. ... *.mandy.* 07/19/04 im not trying to be an a-hole but seriously how long have yo... UMich 07/19/04 I think I took it for about 2 months. Extended summer cours... *.mandy.* 11/22/04 Vieni, vedi, e vinci. more cowbell 07/19/04 I miss normal conversations Brit 07/19/04 kthxdie ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 good point. you're a fount of wisdom Brit 07/19/04 i know, i'm so fucking cool ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 not Brit 07/19/04 i'm cooler than you ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Pastor Fred is not cool. have a cookie. Brit 07/19/04 OMG are you Pastor Fred ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 LAST PERSON TO POST BEFORE THE MILLIONTH POST - WINS! This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 OMG U HAV STARS NEX 2 YR NAM!!!111one ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 OMGZZZZZZZZZ This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 ONOES ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Yea! This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 OMG ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Lets get this thread up to 3500 before dawn so one of us can... This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 you post the millionth post for me ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 You're all faTTT!!! *.mandy.* 07/19/04 Do you think fish posts on this forum as a means of controll... This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 no *.mandy.* 07/19/04 Be honest in the confines of this anonymous, tiring, and uni... This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 You're scared of me. Brit 07/19/04 eat me ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 i sense your terror Brit 07/19/04 who are you and why are you here ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 come from behind win by culov Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 i win by forfeit. Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 wait, overtime. umich wins in overtime! culov is disqualifie... UMich 07/19/04 no subject Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 OMGSTFUOKDIEIWINKULOVVOMGOMG ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 ok you win. UMich 07/19/04 Why do you not have stars! This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 OMG ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 i dont think im cool enough Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 yeah i feel left out. here *******UMICH******** i should be ... UMich 07/19/04 ... johnny_hardcore 07/19/04 the winner is... me! The JCM Volta 07/19/04 All Hail! C: &# 07/19/04 Fuck you! The JCM Volta 07/19/04 Ha!!! Bow before me, losers! franklyn 07/19/04 Can't get the millionth post, but for the time being I'll se... more cowbell 07/19/04 And now you don't. Extreme Fajitas 07/28/04 I said ME *.mandy.* 09/03/04 I WIN *.mandy.* 09/03/04
One 09/03/04 OMG I've never won anything in my life! Yay! you 09/03/04 YOU ALL LOSE! HAHAHA AlliCat 09/03/04 as if HOCHZEITS game face ANON 09/03/04 I WIN I WIN I WIN!!!!!!!!!!! *runs around field and tears... The JCM Volta 09/04/04 NUH UH GIRLFRIEN! I stutter a l- l- lot... 09/04/04 ha HA! I win. The JCM Volta 09/04/04 BOOM SHAKA LAKA LAKA! WHAT NOW?! I stutter a l- l- lot... 09/04/04 fuck bitches, get money The JCM Volta 09/04/04 The King returns. more cowbell 09/04/04 YOu all just wasted a lot of time. I win :) blueskies44 09/04/04 I'm the winner, and I did it without AA. the 09/04/04 Worst thread EVER! Jim S. Adler 09/04/04 I hate this thread. But i just can't help it. blueskies44 09/04/04 lol jeanie 01/23/05 victory is mine BoaltDolt 09/04/04 *fart* MachoBreeze 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 PWN3D Elegant Elliott Offen 09/05/04 Like my slave ancestors? One 09/05/04 Victory is mine. more cowbell 09/05/04 Inconceivable Elegant Elliott Offen 09/05/04 win ¿the chameleon? 09/05/04 or not Elegant Elliott Offen 09/05/04 Shhhhhhhhhhh. SaneDogCure 09/05/04 Winner right here. Tadow Whats up Now Jim S. Adler 09/05/04 huh? Elegant Elliott Offen 09/05/04 UR so gey! HOCHZEITS game face ANON 09/05/04 The end is nigh BoaltDolt 09/05/04 in Cartman's voice: I hate you guys. *.mandy.* 09/05/04 totally weak AmericanConsumer 09/05/04 Hellaweak WBA 09/05/04 . samhornalito 09/05/04 Game over! Jim S. Adler 09/05/04 Not likely. The Meanest Fish 09/05/04 I own this thread. more cowbell 09/05/04 Consider this a foreclosure than. Biatch Jim S. Adler 09/05/04 False. more cowbell 09/05/04 hi. AppleSauce 09/05/04 an upset victory if i ever did see one. corlonedon 09/05/04 173 jeanie 09/05/04 anybody else not studying too hard? jeanie 09/06/04 this guy. more cowbell 09/07/04 it's all about timing. Augean Stable 09/07/04 you blew your load too early. more cowbell 09/07/04 i declare this thread over and myself the winner. HTMFH. MachoBreeze 09/09/04 you sonofabitch. HomerJSimpson 09/09/04 i'm a cop you eedeiot! MachoBreeze 09/09/04 you're a choir boy compared to me, a CHOIR BOY! HomerJSimpson 09/09/04 Did I win? Jim S. Adler 09/09/04 I claim this thread as mine via theory of adverse possession... more cowbell 09/10/04 you lose, bitch ¿the chameleon? 09/10/04 Bump, bitches. Unknown Poster 09/13/04 >ò peace (yeah///ok.. so its suppose to be a... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 09/13/04 >'//>><{ my fish kicks your fish's ass. al... Extreme Fajitas 09/18/04 Not so fast. more cowbell 09/20/04 Score! ...mobiusnu... 09/20/04 Swatted! more cowbell 09/20/04 ... this bitch has been h4|<3d 09/20/04 Bicuspid, we meet again... more cowbell 09/20/04 g'night this bitch has been h4|<3d 09/20/04 toodles more cowbell 09/20/04 im so tired but I cant fucking sleep this bitch has been h4|<3d 09/20/04 V This board has declined 75% 09/20/04 Looks like we have a winner folks, and its me! Jim S. Adler 09/20/04 0 Challenge Jim S. Adler 09/26/04 ? ponky 09/26/04 not really sure Jim S. Adler 09/26/04 dumb idea for a thread Elegant Elliott Offen 09/26/04 loser *.mandy.* 09/29/04 wow, i was winning for 3 days. SWeet Elegant Elliott Offen 09/29/04 lllllllllllllllllllllloser *.mandy.* 09/29/04 i know Elegant Elliott Offen 09/29/04 DAMMIT *.mandy.* 09/29/04 *whistles* Elegant Elliott Offen 09/29/04 I'll be back. *.mandy.* 09/29/04 you win Elegant Elliott Offen 09/29/04 I came back! *.mandy.* 10/29/04 vote kerry Im cool because I use the word dood 10/29/04 damn, how did you even notice that? good eye. *.mandy.* 10/29/04 The fact that it's bright red helps Im cool because I use the word dood 10/29/04 i declare howard stern the winner of this thread MachoBreeze 10/02/04 touche C: &# 10/02/04 yyyoink Extreme Fajitas 10/02/04 PWN3D. Mike Evans 10/08/04 wow, this thread really sucks leaky juice box 10/08/04 Mmm. This thread tastes good. The Banana Peel Cases 10/10/04 I take the lead Jim S. Adler 10/16/04 It is short-lived. Im cool because I use the word dood 10/26/04 stop posting on this thread you bastards immaculolli 10/26/04 That cheap tactic will not ensure you victory. By the way... Im cool because I use the word dood 10/26/04 Posting on this thread with give your computer a virus. HTH... the 10/26/04 is it an std? nirvanayoda 10/26/04 No, it will erase your hard drive and your LSAC file. the 10/26/04 My hard drive is backed up and i'm already in law school so ... nirvanayoda 10/26/04 You're not winning, neo-con. Im cool because I use the word dood 10/29/04 i'm not a neo-con :( i'm just a regular con! nirvanayoda 10/29/04 SOB's, all of you *.mandy.* 10/29/04 just accept defeat Im cool because I use the word dood 10/29/04 You all suck. more cowbell 10/29/04 I've got a fevuh Im cool because I use the word dood 10/29/04 Boys boys take it easy. I'm like you, each morning I put on ... more cowbell 10/29/04 *cough* DaDogg 11/22/04 Me AlliCat 10/29/04 no, me ponky 10/29/04 Um, NO! AlliCat 10/29/04 um, YES....ME, ME, ME.......................................... ponky 10/29/04 this thread will hit 1K, unless the board dies first Im cool because I use the word dood 10/29/04 ME....i will be up until the wee wee hours!!! ponky 10/29/04 me? *.mandy.* 10/29/04 SORRY! AlliCat 10/29/04 DING!!!! ponky 10/29/04 Booyah. Alpha_Man 10/29/04 Sunflower seeds dammit nirvanayoda 10/29/04 Booyah. Alpha_Man 10/29/04 I win again, Wilbon! BadgerBadger 10/29/04 gimme some dap MachoBreeze 10/29/04 *tip-toes in* ponky 10/29/04 This fucking thread better not be at the top of my screen fo... zxcvbnm 10/29/04 posting late at night to let it sink some seems like a good ... yada_its_yoda 10/29/04 I think edits should count. zxcvbnm 10/29/04 I disagree. Unknown Poster 10/29/04 V This board has declined 75% 10/29/04 Nice try asshole. Welcome to November. Im cool because I use the word dood 11/07/04 hmm []D [] []\/[] []D 11/07/04 I love that this thread was clearly created by a very stoned... Im cool because I use the word dood 11/07/04 I claim this thread in the name of the great (Reggie) Bush. Peter_Griffin 11/07/04 AHA! Thought you had, it didn't ya? *.mandy.* 11/07/04 i vote we give this thread a proper burial at sea. HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/07/04 so close *.mandy.* 11/07/04 Yep, very good try. The Meanest Fish 11/07/04 No way. Jim S. Adler 11/07/04 Douchebags. RedScalitox7 11/07/04 This is 500K worth of dumb. JohnTheJanitor 11/07/04 i agree Elegant Elliott Offen 11/07/04 lick my butt and suck on my balls Im cool because I use the word dood 11/07/04 I forgot about this thread. Extreme Fajitas 11/07/04 Your shitty-ass memory will not allow you to be victorious, ... Im cool because I use the word dood 11/07/04 Then perhaps my knack for quickly coming up with haikus wi... Extreme Fajitas 11/07/04 I finally won something! I've never won anything before now... ............. 11/07/04 Post below to show that you think I pwned you 3 times. *.mandy.* 11/08/04 I don't think you owned me, but you can if you want! nirvanayoda 11/08/04 It's me. I just know it's me!! nurseratchet 11/08/04 I heart this thread. Eat it nurse bitchass. HomerJSimpson 11/08/04 Is this threas still around? samhornalito 11/08/04 ... RUSKIE PWNS YOU 10/14/05 Lick my balls bitches. DarkGlobe 11/16/04 ... SmackYosh 11/20/04 Shackleton is quality. Shackleton 11/20/04 Apparently not quality enough, bitch. Shackleton 11/22/04 I am Sam. ¶etro 11/20/04 blast! thwarted again! Shackleton 11/20/04 I am Sam. ¶etro 11/20/04 Check this out Blue Duck 11/20/04 HERE Blue Duck 11/20/04 WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND! WBA 11/20/04 No one from Penn will win this...i declare it so! nirvanayoda 11/22/04 ... slick 11/22/04 You shall not pass! nirvanayoda 11/22/04 ... slick 11/22/04 I win superiorlobe 11/22/04 Congrats. samhornalito 11/22/04 You win nothing, you didn't even get into law school, fucker... FVCK YOU PAY ME 12/08/05 This thread is depresssing. Hundreds and hundreds of nonwin... *.mandy.* 11/22/04 DING! MachoBreeze 11/22/04 Will you at least buy your next car from Eastern Motors? Shackleton 11/22/04 no because this suckitude is all eastern motors' fault MachoBreeze 11/22/04 That bastard. samhornalito 11/22/04 ho hum. I win again. superiorlobe 11/23/04 ... slick 11/23/04 HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Blue Duck 11/26/04 No one wanted in on this action?? Blue Duck 11/26/04 w00t *.mandy.* 11/26/04 Unwieldly bitch to load. This board has declined 75% 11/26/04 ... *.mandy.* 11/26/04 ... *.mandy.* 11/26/04 nyar Timothy Smith 11/26/04 PWN3D h4ck3d 4cc0un7 11/26/04 cunnus Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 11/26/04 ... Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 11/26/04 ... Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 11/26/04 I will win this. nirvanayoda 11/26/04 Berkeley is full of bitches Blah blah 11/26/04 and ugly hoes ¿the chameleon? 11/26/04 what's the prize anyway? nothing. i told you bastards to ... immaculolli 11/26/04 Bringing it in to December! Jim S. Adler 12/05/04 I bring jean shorts to this thread 43 Fu.2d at 1121 12/05/04 500 unbearablevanity 12/05/04 503. By the way, I just got 3 tickets to the Rose Bowl, I ho... Jim S. Adler 12/08/04 501K, bitches. Im cool because I use the word dood 12/08/04 I own this thread Peter_Griffin 12/08/04 yoink! SlapJohnson 12/08/04 *pulls rug out* Peter_Griffin 12/08/04 Purdue's going undefeated, bitches. Im cool because I use the word dood 12/08/04 *high five* Peter_Griffin 12/08/04 Cleveland rocks! Augean Stable 12/09/04 OOOOOOOOOOHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOO Wheeeee 12/09/04 did you really think I'd stay up till 5:30 and still let you... Augean Stable 12/09/04 nope Jim S. Adler 12/09/04 uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Augean Stable 12/09/04 Gotcha. Brennananon 12/09/04 nope Peter_Griffin 12/09/04 Seriously don't post after me... Augean Stable 12/12/04 weird, I just searched to bump this at the same exact time y... Jim S. Adler 12/12/04 Takes the lead Jim S. Adler 12/12/04 Me! Me! NU2006 12/12/04 What is the ideal time to hit this thing? Are you guys on... Augean Stable 12/12/04 Nope. Peter_Griffin 12/12/04 So much for being on top. Guess I'll leave that up to Fis... * mandy * 12/12/04 Get off my boyfriend, bitch! *.mandy.* 01/01/05 slut *.mandy.* 10/09/05 Thank you very much. kaprof 12/13/04 King of the Pathetic. more cowbell 12/13/04 not at all Jim S. Adler 12/13/04 since this is an open account, can we agree just to leave me... Steelbone 12/14/04 I call truce. This is an unwinnable war. Let's just end it... ¶etro 12/15/04 what are your terms of surrender? you must give me the Ruhr. Euphronius 12/15/04 Never Say Die DarkGlobe 12/21/04 hmmm...the 4 PM bump...unconventional, but maybe that's exac... Augean Stable 12/21/04 No, I won 99999999 12/21/04 Victory from the jaws of defeat. the 12/22/04 This baby's heading into the new year! AWinkle 12/22/04 a boy can dream. Thersites 12/22/04 I'm a Wario... I'm a gonna ween! Doc Lewis 12/24/04 You can now stop posting on this ridiculous thread Merry ... immaculolli 12/25/04 Merry Christmas nirvanayoda 12/25/04 happy new year mother fuckers. yet again, you snooze you los... MachoBreeze 01/01/05 ... Kate the Mac, king of the sack 01/01/05 Change of rules: Any posters beyond this point will be autom... shark 01/02/05 Change of rules: Any posters above this point will be automa... Jim S. Adler 01/02/05 Is this thing still going? Unknown Poster 01/03/05 I guess Columbia Troll 01/03/05 ... Jim S. Adler 01/15/05 bung chala chala chala dee dee dee EL171ST W4SP 174 01/15/05 ... Peter_Griffin 01/15/05 burp Meatsicle 01/15/05 This thread has a habit of getting bumped late night. Mike Evans 01/15/05 Indeed EL171ST W4SP 174 01/16/05 I haven't felt like a winner in a while. Extreme Fajitas 01/16/05 And you won't start today. Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 01/16/05 Predictions on when this will reach 1,000 posts? Jim S. Adler 01/18/05 SHUT THE FUCK UP FAG1 Jim S. Adler 07/02/05 Soon. samhornalito 01/18/05 How soon? Jim S. Adler 01/18/05 wednesday? C |-| |_| C |< | S 01/18/05 ... :D 01/18/05 Booger. cambridge 01/18/05 I've managed to resist this thing for months, but I have no ... Rowan 01/18/05 and you didn't even win. Jim S. Adler 01/18/05 :( Rowan 01/18/05 still no cigar. HomerJSimpson 01/18/05 Bump Jim S. Adler 01/19/05 Purdue should go undefeated! Peter_Griffin 01/19/05 You all suck big, FAT cock. The JCM Volta 01/19/05 *crickets* *crickets* New Poster 01/20/05 BRIAN DAWKINS! MachoBreeze 01/23/05 Already been broughtin. Jim S. Adler 01/23/05 *smiles sweetly* The JCM Volta 01/23/05 It aint over yet. Mikhail Strogoff 01/23/05 You've got that right. Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 01/23/05 #1 howarddeansghost 01/25/05 Do you want fries with that? schnitzel deluxe ∀ 01/25/05 I WON FUCKERS! YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 You really are an idiot. The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 Are you really are the meanest fish. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 Wow, this thread may just reach 1000 posts... The JCM Volta 01/31/05 Slowly but surely. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 This thread says a lot about the toolishness of legal cultur... The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 Youre quite bitchy tonite. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 I'll give you that. The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 Word. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 See, now that's just rude. The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the foo... I'm counting numbers 02/03/05 fag Peter_Griffin 02/03/05 slut. schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 hinter striped. plucot 02/03/05 thought you left? schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the foo... I KNOW WHO YOU ARE 02/03/05 If anyone else posts, this thread will self destruct. nirvanayoda 02/03/05 I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the foo... I KNOW WHO YOU ARE 02/03/05 I won! I won! The JCM Volta 02/03/05 597! Fuck Yeah! Jim S. Adler 02/03/05 leave it to a major U.K. department to write me on Monday to... Prof. Evan-2000 (ethics, aesthetics) 02/03/05 599! Fuck Yeah! Jim S. Adler 02/03/05 600! Fuck Yeah! Jim S. Adler 02/03/05 601! Fuck Yeah! Jim S. Adler 02/03/05 FUCK YEAH! schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 poo. i win. Extreme Fajitas 02/03/05 fuck, no! schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 Bump Jim S. Adler 02/09/05 Looks like I win. Great Teacher Onizuka 02/09/05 victory is fleeting. Jim S. Adler 02/09/05 you should know CompleteFailure 02/09/05 Incorrect Jim S. Adler 02/16/05 I win! I win! WBA 02/23/05 Wow. The coward thread has surpassed this one. Oh, and I ... Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 02/23/05 Damn you, Skeletor! WBA 02/23/05 It's ovah! Macanudo 02/23/05 *gouges macanudo's eyes out* MachoBreeze 02/23/05 Peace out biatches.... Jim S. Adler 02/23/05 This thread should declare war on the Madame Cunt thread. Peter_Griffin 02/23/05 No worries, this thread will win in the end, there is no dou... Jim S. Adler 02/23/05 You blew your load too soon. Peter_Griffin 02/23/05 ... lce 02/26/05 fag Jim S. Adler 02/26/05 ... MC Paul Barman 03/01/05 no chance Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 Oooohhhh... I want to win! angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 No ones going to let you win. HTH. The Meanest Fish 03/01/05 No, really... I win! I always win ;) angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 False Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 No, really... I win! angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 Second place is the first loser. Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 I am not second place. I'm number 1! angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 ... Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 The next person who posts is admitting that they suck. CompleteFailure 03/01/05 Hi. The Meanest Fish 03/01/05 Meh, I've already tried the last person who posts will get f... *.mandy.* 03/14/05 Oh, I'm sorry - this thread is still funny? Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 03/01/05 Not really...but oh well. New Poster 03/01/05 Actually its tragic. It demonstrates exactly what is wrong ... The Meanest Fish 03/01/05 Bump My .44 make sho' all you trolls don't grow 03/07/05 Next person to lose in this thread wins! JohnTheJanitor 03/07/05 I lose. Highpockets 03/11/05 GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... *.mandy.* 03/14/05 smack MachoBreeze 03/14/05 die thhhhhhucker (in Daffy Duck voice) *.mandy.* 03/14/05 Prestigious. New Poster 03/21/05 . hotguy 03/21/05 . hotguy 03/21/05 453453 hotguy 03/21/05 1344314455354 hotguy 03/21/05 3454544435543 hotguy 03/21/05 51454435454545 hotguy 03/21/05 45415551514153 hotguy 03/21/05 43541515354 hotguy 03/21/05 13414335154 hotguy 03/21/05 545451454514 hotguy 03/21/05 53535 hotguy 03/21/05 34135153554 hotguy 03/21/05 1355153513554 hotguy 03/21/05 5415354553154 hotguy 03/21/05 45155335 hotguy 03/21/05 513513513 hotguy 03/21/05 5151355541 hotguy 03/21/05 13451353513135 hotguy 03/21/05 431413434334 hotguy 03/21/05 355385373758 hotguy 03/21/05 99878978978964 hotguy 03/21/05 6396369693693697 hotguy 03/21/05 You should have done all prime numbers. New Poster 03/21/05 It's important to move beyond this. JohnTheJanitor 03/21/05 I'll give 10 bucks to the next person who doesn't respond to... RedScalitox7 03/21/05 Hi. im_blue 03/21/05 I'm glad this thread is still around. samhornalito 03/21/05 suckers boboshabobo 03/24/05 Incredible how many foolish victims this thread has claimed.... Walker, Texas Ranger 03/24/05 what if everyone who posts after you dies? Renada Deshada 03/24/05 The next person who responds is a fag. Wolfowitz 03/24/05 I'm a fag! JohnTheJanitor 03/24/05 So am I! JohnTheJanitor 03/27/05 Seriously, Rach said that this thread is taking up too much ... Jim S. Adler 03/27/05 Ok- I win! The JCM Volta 03/27/05 nipples Extreme Fajitas 03/27/05 THEN WHY ARE YOU POSTING ON IT FOO? Tabitha 04/05/05 I traveled 100 years into the future and posted in this thre... Loser-Fuckles 03/27/05 What Is Contra Dancing? Contra Dancing is a form o... Contra Fan 03/29/05 respond. JohnTheJanitor 04/02/05 I WIN I ALWAYS WIN LOSER_FUCKERS HOCHZEITS game face ANON 04/02/05 If you say so. JohnTheJanitor 04/02/05 FUK. EXACTLY YOU! HOCHZEITS game face ANON 04/02/05 It's ovah! Macanudo 04/05/05 send me my money JohnTheJanitor 04/05/05 I haven't won in a while... UNTIL NOW! Jim S. Adler 04/09/05 absolvo te. schnitzel deluxe ∀ 04/09/05 i win Rachael Ray 04/09/05 nope bmud 04/09/05 No, I win. LawJerk 04/09/05 Champ again. Peter_Griffin 04/09/05 EAT BANDWITH COMMIE BASTARDS Tabitha 04/09/05 whorebags and assmouths... i'm a winner. AmericanConsumer 04/11/05 false. Peter_Griffin 04/11/05 congrats. you just "almost" won. JohnTheJanitor 04/14/05 <wack> DoctorSwishy 04/14/05 "Ass-hattery shall nay be rewarded in heaven" H... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 04/14/05 1 year! :D 04/20/05 Fuck you all. New Poster 04/23/05 Good to be back on top. Peter_Griffin 04/23/05 This computer almost had a seizure trying to load this threa... The JCM Volta 04/23/05 ZOINK! Peter_Griffin 04/23/05 *bonk* The JCM Volta 04/23/05 Bush Encounters Hurdles on Energy Agenda 1 hour, 5 minute... JudgeDredd 04/23/05 you all suck eltonbrand 05/12/05 It's ovah! Macanudo 05/12/05 FUCK YOU I WIN HAHAHAHAHA Pedicabo Vos 05/12/05 Ahh..sweet victory. eltonbrand 05/12/05 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Pedicabo Vos 05/12/05 On this thread, everyone's a winner! YAY!!!! Pedicabo Vos 05/12/05 except you. eltonbrand 05/12/05 Heyyyy-Ooooooooooooooooooo. Mike Evans 05/14/05 I will QWN you all!! Gnophie 05/14/05 Last person to respond to this thread wins... Kirk 05/14/05 what a stupid thread SonicYouth 05/14/05 It is asymptotic towards infinity. The beast will live for e... bay of arizona 05/14/05 d Dont Mess With Texas 05/23/05 *tip-toes* Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 05/23/05 *farts audibly* Self-Portrait in a Convex Crapturd 05/23/05 *passes out* Im cool because I use the word dood 05/23/05 Author: Rear_Admiral_Darth_Butt_Monkey (what becomes of the ... LawJerk 05/23/05 more feces MachoBreeze 05/23/05 Fucking gunner douches... The Meanest Fish 05/27/05 you stealthy fag PennPlease 05/27/05 ., LawJerk 06/02/05 boo radley! tasha 06/02/05 I win! I win! Great Teacher Onizuka 06/02/05 In a standard comic book dystopian near-future Americans are... JudgeDredd 06/02/05 Never trust someone with an aol email address. The Meanest Fish 06/03/05 loser. RaoulDuke 06/03/05 Hey guy! Jim S. Adler 06/03/05 Raps. Rapscallion 06/03/05 Can't you just let this thread die instead of bumping it lik... The Meanest Fish 06/04/05 #1 in Asia. JudgeDredd 06/09/05 I love nipples. Calm 06/09/05 who doesn't? JudgeDredd 06/09/05 GONZALEZ V. RAICH Without ME, it's just AWESO 06/09/05 this is all very interesting... JudgeDredd 06/09/05 this thread shall host the 3 millionth post MC Paul Barman 06/16/05 At the same time your cuntbag of a mother hosts her 3 millio... plucot 06/16/05 . Jim S. Adler 06/16/05 Check out this awesome blog! Calm 06/17/05 what the fuck do i win? Patent Law 06/17/05 hth Rapscallion 06/17/05 nice ressurection the day this thread reaches 1000, i wil... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 06/17/05 Shiteaters. LawJerk 06/17/05 hope nobody with dialup tries to open this jakki 06/17/05 no shit, that would take forever just to see a shitty thread Patent Law 06/17/05 how will we know who wins? Won't we all be dead? shyster 06/17/05 Shut up, bitch. LawJerk 06/17/05 I am surprised you can operate a computer. Calm 06/17/05 You're the awkward shiteater. LawJerk 06/17/05 if no one wins, i win by default: SO IT IS WRITTEN...AND ... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 06/17/05 sneaky sneaky I win you lose *.mandy.* 07/02/05 nice one I'll Have What He's Having 07/02/05 I WIN *.mandy.* 07/02/05 you are a worth adversary I'll Have What He's Having 07/02/05 I win I win I win I win I win I win I win I win I win I win ... *.mandy.* 07/02/05 SHOW ME THA MONEY! Sara.K 06/17/05 WINNER LawJerk 06/18/05 We're all winners JohnTheJanitor 06/18/05 no, me Sara.K 06/18/05 PWN3D LawJerk 06/18/05 oh man not this again. let it die. R A G N U S 06/20/05 ~ R A G N U S 07/16/05 Welcome to July! Jim S. Adler 07/01/05 thanks Wheeeee 07/02/05 die Akaky Akakievich 07/02/05 Morning. Great Teacher Onizuka 07/02/05 I AM A REFRIGERATOR!!!! I HAVE WON!!!! ALL WHO ATTEMPT... IAMAREFRIGERATOR 07/02/05 Crestfallen, the water buffalo gazes longingly at his now sl... Rapscallion 07/02/05 :D rules *.mandy.* 07/05/05 me? need to change 07/05/05 me PuppiesandCandy 07/05/05 Nope. beanie boy 07/05/05 No. Peter_Griffin 07/05/05 I will win this! Jim S. Adler 07/06/05 I will win. Godshit 07/16/05 Every time I open this thread, it nearly crashes my browser. WBA 07/16/05 your computer is clearly a TTT MachoBreeze 07/16/05 i agree Godshit 07/16/05 Noted. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 I appreciate the gesture. Godshit 07/16/05 No problem. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 get a room, you two MachoBreeze 07/16/05 Did I ask you whether it was a problem? Godshit 07/16/05 There's no need to be a dick. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 I agree, so why are you being one? Godshit 07/16/05 I'm not. Go stick your wang in a toaster. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 Eat shit and die. Godshit 07/16/05 You first. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 No. Godshit 07/16/05 why do people keep responding to this stupid ass thread? DISCREDITOR 07/16/05 i have no clue. Godshit 07/16/05 I do. punkrockgrrrl 07/16/05 me too. | 07/20/05 Insomnia sucks. The Meanest Fish 07/27/05 ha I won cockmaster 07/27/05 Heil the great beagle, ruler of all he surveys loser *.mandy.* 07/27/05 heil the schmeagle cockmaster 07/27/05 You thought you had this... You were mistaken. Jim S. Adler 07/28/05 WHAT DO YOU CALL CHIPS THAT ARENT YOURS NACHO CHIPS LOL Pedicabo Vos 07/28/05 ... Skeletor Lewis Can't Lose! 07/30/05 ... Akaky Akakievich 07/30/05 ah C: &# 07/30/05 . RapsBAFFllion 07/30/05 yo soy Whamo 07/30/05 Welcome to August bitches. Jim S. Adler 08/06/05 ... Best In Thread Award 08/06/05 greatest. thread. ever. The JCM Volta 08/06/05 Awesome! Colin 08/06/05 ... Wheeeee 08/06/05 yawn Guinness Draught 08/06/05 I almost forgot about this thread. samhornalito 08/06/05 ... 152 08/06/05 this is my first time posting in this thread. yay best thing invented since boobs 08/06/05 !!!!!!!!!!! Kate the Mac, king of the sack 08/06/05 why not? jakki 08/06/05 Bitches! LawJerk 08/12/05 sorry, no Cookie Abomination 08/12/05 i just had chinese MachoBreeze 08/12/05 bitches LawJerk 08/17/05 I wish I had thought of this thread fulano 08/17/05 pwn3d LawJerk 08/20/05 holla Falconetti 08/20/05 Victory shall be mine. shiveringjenny 09/01/05 loismustdie@yahoo.com MachoBreeze 09/01/05 Biloxi got ice MoreDoughHi 09/01/05 I thought it was about time I posted in this thread. Chocolate Covered Pretzel 09/01/05 What a great thread. Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 09/01/05 doh! LawJerk 09/01/05 Niggaz Pleez MoreDoughHi 09/01/05 I'm the winner! Sexy Beast 09/01/05 nope PuppiesandCandy 09/04/05 OMG - I win! I win! SexualChocolate 09/04/05 MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Mrs. Earl Riche 09/04/05 i be an retarded Virito 09/04/05 so glad i bumped this thread... very prestigious PuppiesandCandy 09/04/05 ... Virito 09/04/05 first thread to reach 1000? Kate the Mac, king of the sack 09/04/05 it's been done MachoBreeze 09/14/05 Suckers. Dogshit 09/04/05 we should get KKKatrina to post on this one PuppiesandCandy 09/04/05 ti,oc,tct Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 09/04/05 PEDICABO.VOS.ET.IRRUMABO Pedicabo Vos 09/04/05 I fucking hate my life *.mandy.* 09/09/05 I fucking love your wife. SBToLaw 09/09/05 I'd like to donate my winnings to hurricane relief... howarddeansghost 09/10/05 No way dude, those winnings are MINE! WBA 09/12/05 mine now Rachael Ray 09/12/05 My favorite thread! LawJerk 09/10/05 witty thread ill kid 09/12/05 I win!! bubbletea 09/12/05 This is the most succesful thread ever. Columbia Troll 09/12/05 *bows* MachoBreeze 09/14/05 Whoever makes the next post enters into a binding contract t... ButtFace M. 09/14/05 Defense of duress - today seems to be Bump the Classics Day Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 09/15/05 I am the last poster.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 melloo653 09/15/05 Yeeh. Athens 09/17/05 . LawJerk 09/17/05 *steals crown* SBToLaw 09/17/05 Cock. DISCREDITOR 09/17/05 fuck yeah. Kate the Mac, king of the sack 09/17/05 winner LawJerk 09/19/05 Chapter 1 - Marley's Ghost ----------------------------... Walker, Texas Ranger 09/19/05 yeah 007 373 5963 09/19/05 oh no. PUBLISHED 09/19/05 America, Fuck yeah! Lick my ass and suck on my balls. Am... SBToLaw 09/19/05 I want this to break 1000 LawJerk 10/04/05 This thread sucks. egress 10/09/05 BEST IN ASIA****************** IRATECHICKS 10/09/05 This thread is the Harvard of XO. 89.0chicksserved 10/09/05 . LawJerk 10/09/05 Congratulations! You win! BadgerBadger 10/09/05 So I win? Last person 10/09/05 sonofabitch! i lost again! (pretty clever, dude :) ) BadgerBadger 10/09/05 *eats fish* *.mandy.* 10/09/05 when i save this thread as a .html file, it sizes up at 1.25... MachoBreeze 10/09/05 very interesting. but admit it, you just did that so YOU ... BadgerBadger 10/09/05 but I've already won Last person 10/09/05 foolish literalist! you have no chance! BadgerBadger 10/09/05 Too bad xoxo didn't know Scalia likes to post Last person 10/09/05 agreed MachoBreeze 10/09/05 I'm not so sure. Virito 10/09/05 blumpkin dickie 10/09/05 ftw! ill kid 10/09/05 . LawJerk 10/10/05 why not support the drive to 1000? Augean Stable 10/10/05 amen to that~ Kate the Mac, king of the sack 10/10/05 901. 007 373 5963 10/11/05 1000 here we come! JudgeDredd 10/11/05 i WANT THE 1000TH POST LawJerk 10/11/05 Monday monkey lives for the weekend. Chief Justice Claranthohn Breybader Scalito, III 10/11/05 crap, what's that from...scrubs? Extreme Fajitas 10/11/05 Futurama. How do you feel about Mondays? They're ok I gu... Chief Justice Claranthohn Breybader Scalito, III 10/11/05 Is it true that a Playboy Playmate posted here? ...mobiusnu... 10/11/05 You're plainly referring to me. Dogshit 10/11/05 . LawJerk 10/11/05 . LawJerk 10/11/05 910 is a stupid number. However... I like scotch 10/11/05 The Porsche 911 is a famous and distinctive sportscar made b... I like scotch 10/11/05 [913] Rasta Jim 10/11/05 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 What a monster of a thread. egress 10/11/05 Gay �jackie 10/11/05 my computer just nearly crashed LearnedHand 10/11/05 dot doot doot Edit: holy shit I posted in this thread 6... bmud 10/11/05 daws\on lorbilon 10/11/05 *waddles clumsily across thread* *.mandy.* 10/14/05 Oh no you dinnit! New Poster 10/14/05 *swims gracefully away* *.mandy.* 10/14/05 when will it stop raining? i am going to single handedl... Augean Stable 10/14/05 ... Augean Stable 10/14/05
Augean Stable 10/14/05
Augean Stable 10/14/05
Augean Stable 10/14/05
Augean Stable 10/14/05
Augean Stable 10/14/05
Augean Stable 10/14/05 whew, this is tiring... note to self: post number nine-t... Augean Stable 10/14/05 The Number 937 937 is a Prime Number. 937 is a Centered 1... Augean Stable 10/14/05 I win. curious george 10/15/05 WINNER! Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 10/21/05 PWn3d! I just won. Rachael Ray 10/21/05 it's right here! MachoBreeze 10/24/05 Awesome! I searched for it, but to no avail. I'm fucking dum... LawJerk 10/24/05 yes, yes you are. MachoBreeze 10/24/05 Fuddrucker's ¶etro 10/24/05 Cmon 1000! LawJerk 11/04/05 BIG FUCKING WINNER, RIGHT HERE. WhiteShoesJohnson 11/04/05 VICTORY! TubaFrog 11/04/05 tag Keep'n It Real 11/05/05 YES. I won. LOLZ^180 11/05/05 *Mwwwhahahahahaha* Victory shall be mine, oh yes, it shal... VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 Everytime someone loads this thread, it taxes the sites' ban... MadCatDisease 11/05/05 Madcat- do you sleep? :o) VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 shit Patent Law 11/05/05 DAMN YOU ALL!! VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 are you going to stay up forever to win this? Have fun! Patent Law 11/05/05 It's 10.10am here. I'm off to the library now, bitches. ... VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 Eat it, losers. Dogshit 11/05/05 It's all mine. shyster 11/05/05 not really. thanks for playing. LOLZ^180 11/05/05 this thread is getting dangeriously close to hitting the 100... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/05/05 I have rigged it so that when this thread reaches 1,000 post... MadCatDisease 11/05/05 nice HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/05/05 PWNIIID LawJerk 11/05/05 I cannot believe this thread has almost 1000 posts. Easily t... Columbia Troll 11/05/05 slowly...slowly... Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 11/06/05 Let's Get it over 1,000 RBarchetta 11/09/05 i have a good feeling about it this time. Under Cover Gunner 11/09/05 Thats the plan LawJerk 11/09/05 I win!! Gamecock 11/09/05 congratulations. Kwiky 11/09/05 Crappy plan. The Meanest Fish 11/09/05 ... Patent Law 11/09/05 victory! bmud 11/09/05 666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpeng... *.mandy.* 11/09/05 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749... Extreme Fajitas 11/09/05 There are some comments I need to make regarding this thread... Augean Stable 11/10/05 The person that posts the 1000th post is the most prestigiou... ButtFace M. 11/10/05 within reach if you want it.... Augean Stable 11/10/05 I know, but I will not intentionally spam to seek that honor... ButtFace M. 11/10/05 You do know that if you post enough messages you might excee... chiashu® 11/10/05 ahhhhhh yes yes yes yes, most excellent indeed! FeederCell 11/10/05 who knew? LOLZ^180 11/10/05 This thread will reach 1000 tonight if you make it happen. ... ButtFace M. 11/10/05 984 LawJerk 11/11/05 985 LawJerk 11/11/05 986 LawJerk 11/11/05 987 LawJerk 11/11/05 988 LawJerk 11/11/05 989 LawJerk 11/11/05 990 LawJerk 11/11/05 991 LawJerk 11/11/05 992 LawJerk 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 994 LawJerk 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 1000?! LawJerk 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 1000th post. I am so happy. Kate the Mac, king of the sack 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 1003 always a good number kinda like top 14 HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/11/05 YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! LawJerk 11/11/05 I win. Anon2890 11/11/05 YOU LOSE. Judge Friendly 11/11/05 Paradox anongradstudent 11/11/05 i Bush Doesn't care about black people 11/12/05 2000, here we come! LawJerk 11/12/05 Winning? AnotherCLS 11/12/05 this thread cements my status as board legend. htfh. MachoBreeze 11/12/05 this thread is fucking retarded. weston 11/12/05 yea no shit, it got started on 420 risin 11/12/05 I can see this going on for quite some time... VelocityGrrrl 11/12/05 Last dmferry 11/12/05 One day this thread will destroy the board and then it will ... �jackie 11/12/05 Or like a phoenix rising from the ashes. VelocityGrrrl 11/12/05 Ok, I give in. I'll play. Royale with Cheese 11/12/05 but you won't win immaculolli 11/15/05 I WON!!!!!! NOCEBOS 11/15/05 Wow, I finally won something! Vlad (The Animal) 11/15/05 BAFF for unreads shyster 11/15/05 tag LawJerk 11/18/05 :) ................................................ FeederCell 11/18/05 aha! My first post here. And I'm sure I will win. rasquach 11/18/05 I WIN!!! ME ME ME Overt Optimist 11/18/05 q23oy89g239o243 4 LawJerk 11/19/05 sweet JudgeDredd 11/19/05 never forget. Calm 11/19/05 This is it, I can FEEL it. �jackie 11/20/05 before i die, i'm gonna read this thing cover to cover. Rasta Jim 11/20/05 I already told you guys to stop trying. samhornalito 11/21/05 nullown3d LawJerk 11/24/05 Not so fast. Mrs. Earl Riche 11/24/05 im winning this for my real doll <3 MachoBreeze 11/24/05 UNO! Mrs. Earl Riche 11/24/05 ... LawJerk 11/25/05 bump for macho's peace of mind LawJerk 11/25/05 I win. The Gooch 11/25/05 Never forget! Big Winner right here ladies. WhiteShoesJohnson 11/30/05 I can't believe you guys are doing this, you're so lame. Oh... farouk 11/30/05 what the fuck is the prize? Patent Law 11/30/05 great question. samhornalito 11/30/05 It's AWESOME! Jim S. Adler 11/30/05 This is quite the successful thread. Toilet Bomb 11/30/05 skeet skeet skeet schnitzel deluxe ∀ 12/01/05 ... I stutter a l- l- lot... 12/02/05 Is there any sort of honorable mention for having the last p... Dirty Heel 12/02/05 . Kwiky 12/07/05 Time to bump old threads! testmastermind 12/08/05 i WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN asdf1234 12/08/05 MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Whamo 12/08/05 I win. Anon2890 12/08/05 incorrect Singha 12/08/05 Very incorrect Whamo 12/08/05 Hey you cockgobblers! Anon2890 12/08/05 4, 6, 5, 6, 7, 3, 8, 0, 2, 5, 6, 0, 0, 2, 6, 0, 8, 1, 1, 9,... Extreme Fajitas 12/08/05 Stupid pinky*b 12/11/05 marrakesh affirmativeblaction 12/11/05 Happy holidays... By the way, does this thread kill bandwid... Jim S. Adler 12/11/05
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Date: April 20th, 2004 3:59 PM Author: MachoBreeze
ready, set, go.
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:00 PM Author: DickBandit (Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff)
.
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Date: September 26th, 2004 4:09 AM Author: Elegant Elliott Offen (Ponky is pregnant with my burrito.)
THIS THREAD IS CLOSED.
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Date: October 2nd, 2004 4:34 PM Author: Extreme Fajitas
reopened.
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Date: June 3rd, 2005 1:21 AM Author: Dan the Man
and reopened again.
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Date: July 28th, 2005 12:20 AM Author: Jim S. Adler (UTAdler@gmail.com)
And again...
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Date: October 11th, 2005 5:56 PM Author: Slinky Damsel
You are so cute and sexy. HTH.
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:23 PM Author: Starscream (Megatron ain't got nuthin on ME!!!)
Meg Ryan is the perfect woman
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:00 PM Author: Dr. Anthony T Kronman
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:23 PM Author: Starscream (Megatron ain't got nuthin on ME!!!)
Meg Ryan is the perfect woman
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:01 PM Author: sexybeast (i heart milkncookies)
(*)(*)
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:03 PM Author: DickBandit (Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff)
.
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:36 PM Author: Jim S. Adler
No, I win
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:44 AM Author: One Subject:
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:52 AM Author: One
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Date: January 18th, 2005 1:46 PM Author: Jim S. Adler (1-800-683-8383. The call is free. The advice is priceless.)
hmm
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:22 PM Author: Starscream (Megatron ain't got nuthin on ME!!!)
Meg Ryan is the perfect woman
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Date: November 21st, 2005 9:34 AM Author: TTTthemovie (When I talk to librarians, y'know I'm thinkin' about bangin' em)
THE WINNER!!!!! for the next ten seconds
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Date: December 11th, 2005 11:05 AM Author: Marvelous (xoxolonestar@gmail.com)
hi
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:04 PM Author: Dr. Anthony T Kronman
^
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:05 PM Author: rambler
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:06 PM Author: Poetic dreamer (Whether Beauty be found in mathematics or a flower)
How will you announce the winner without becoming the winner yourself ?
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:07 PM Author: Rear_Admiral_Darth_Butt_Monkey (what becomes of the borken hearted?)
A few years ago, while browsing around the library downtown, I had to take a piss. As I entered the john a big beautiful all-american football hero type, about twenty-five, came out of one of the booths. I stood at the urinal looking at him out of the corner of my eye as he washed his hands. He didn't once look at me. He was "straight" and married -- and in any case I was sure I wouldn't have a chance with him.
As soon as he left I darted into the booth he'd vacated, hoping there might be a lingering smell of shit and even a seat still warm from his sturdy young ass. I found not only the smell but the shit itself. He'd forgotten to flush. And what a treasure he had left behind. Three or four beautiful specimens floated in the bowl. It apparently had been a fairly dry, constipated shit, for all were fat, stiff, and ruggedly textured.
The real prize was a great feast of turd -- a nine inch gastrointestinal triumph as thick as a man's wrist.
I knelt before the bowl, inhaling the rich brown fragrance and wondered if I should obey the impulse building up inside me. I'd always been a heavy rimmer and had lapped up more than one little clump of shit, but that had been just an inevitable part of eating ass and not an end in itself. Of course I'd had jerk-off fantasies of devouring great loads of it (what rimmer hasn't), but I had never done it. Now, here I was, confronted with the most beautiful five-pound turd I'd ever feasted my eyes on, a sausage fit to star in any fantasy and one I knew to have been hatched from the asshole of the world's handsomest young stud.
Why not? I plucked it from the bowl, holding it with both hands to keep it from breaking. I lifted it to my nose. It smelled like rich, ripe limburger (horrid, but thrilling), yet had the consistency of cheddar. What is cheese anyway but milk turning to shit without the benefit of a digestive tract? I gave it a lick and found that it tasted better then it smelled. I've found since then that shit nearly almost does.
I hesitated no longer. I shoved the fucking thing as far into my mouth as I could get it and sucked on it like a big brown cock, beating my meat like a madman. I wanted to completely engulf it and bit off a large chunk, flooding my mouth with the intense, bittersweet flavor. To my delight I found that while the water in the bowl had chilled the outside of the turd, it was still warm inside. As I chewed I discovered that it was filled with hard little bits of something I soon identified as peanuts. He hadn't chewed them carefully and they'd passed through his body virtually unchanged. I ate it greedily, sending lump after peanutty lump sliding scratchily down my throat. My only regret was the donor of this feast wasn't there to wash it down with his piss.
I soon reached a terrific climax. I caught my cum in the cupped palm of my hand and drank it down. Believe me, there is no more delightful combination of flavors than the hot sweetness of cum with the rich bitterness of shit.
Afterwards I was sorry that I hadn't made it last longer. But then I realized that I still had a lot of fun in store for me. There was still a clutch of virile turds left in the bowl. I tenderly fished them out, rolled them into my hankerchief, and stashed them in my briefcase. In the week to come I found all kinds of ways to eat the shit without bolting it right down. Once eaten it's gone forever unless you want to filch it third hand out of your own asshole. Not an unreasonable recourse in moments of desperation or simple boredom. I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing, letting it slowly dissolve. I had liquid shit trickling down my throat for nearly four hours. I must have had six orgasms in the process.
I often think of that lovely young guy dropping solid gold out of his sweet, pink asshole every day, never knowing what joy it could, and at least once did, bring to a grateful shiteater.
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:27 PM Author: MachoBreeze
i win
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:28 PM Author: WBA
No, you lose.
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:28 PM Author: beanie boy
I win!
edit: Damn!
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Date: December 15th, 2005 9:37 PM Author: doobsian copper (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4573647) |
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Date: December 18th, 2005 3:09 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4598675) |
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Date: December 18th, 2005 11:20 PM Author: carnelian keepsake machete there should have been a time limit or something. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4603781) |
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Date: December 19th, 2005 12:35 AM Author: \
The most prestigious law school admissions discussion board in the world. BackRefresh Options
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ready, set, go. MachoBreeze 04/20/04 . DickBandit 04/20/04 THIS THREAD IS CLOSED. Howard Stern 09/26/04 reopened. Extreme Fajitas 10/02/04 and reopened again. Dan the Man 06/03/05 And again... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 07/28/05 You are so cute and sexy. HTH. Slinky Damsel 10/11/05 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 ... Dr. Anthony T Kronman 04/20/04 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 (*)(*) sexybeast 04/20/04 . DickBandit 04/20/04 No, I win The Ghost of Tookie Williams 05/18/04
One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 hmm The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/18/05 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 THE WINNER!!!!! for the next ten seconds TTTthemovie 11/21/05 hi Schtick Quattro 12/11/05 ^ Dr. Anthony T Kronman 04/20/04 ... rambler 04/20/04 How will you announce the winner without becoming the winner... Poetic dreamer 04/20/04 A few years ago, while browsing around the library downtow... Rear_Admiral_Darth_Butt_Monkey 04/20/04 i win MachoBreeze 04/21/04 No, you lose. WBA 04/21/04 I win! edit: Damn! beanie boy 04/21/04 i have defeated you. Shoeless Joe 04/21/04 *yawn* APP 04/21/04 I'm the champ!!! samhornalito 04/21/04 . DickBandit 04/21/04 Take that!!! samhornalito 04/28/04 I'm still winning. samhornalito 05/05/04 L Penguin 05/05/04 If I win this, it will compete with my National Hispanic Rec... viva_boricua 05/05/04 You won't win this. Give up now. samhornalito 05/05/04 If you really want it that badly, you can have it. viva_boricua 05/05/04 Thanks. samhornalito 05/05/04 Anytime. viva_boricua 05/05/04 LOSERS take that Penguin 05/05/04 Take what? samhornalito 05/05/04 WINNA WINNA WINNA Howard Stern 05/05/04 Stick to morning radio. samhornalito 05/05/04 Not anymore Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 bastards Penguin 05/05/04 All of us? samhornalito 05/05/04 fuck yeah! this still counts, you only have to respond la... Penguin 05/05/04 I'm the winner! Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 "Wudda I win?" Futureman 05/05/04 Nothing. samhornalito 05/05/04 The correct answer would have been: "Uh, anything in thi... Futureman 05/05/04 Nothing, cause you're not the winner Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 Neither are you. samhornalito 05/05/04 damn you! Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 Hello hello Howard Stern 05/05/04 Goodbye Booey Maguire. samhornalito 05/05/04 you complete me Howard Stern 05/05/04 Next Person to respond has sex with his/her mom and dad howhigh 05/05/04 Aye Papi Howard Stern 05/05/04 Ouch, I don't want to win this war anymore... howhigh 05/05/04 Yeah, except that it's opposite day, dumbass. samhornalito 05/05/04 I guess your saying I'm the opposite of a dumbass then. And... howhigh 05/05/04 so you think it is opposite day? Howard Stern 05/05/04 Are you aksing me if I think it's NOT opposite day? howhigh 05/05/04 god we aren't pathetic Howard Stern 05/05/04 Tomorrow is opposite day. beanie boy 05/05/04 If it's opposite day thent he last person to post loses. Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 Uh, I think that violates some part of the time-space contin... samhornalito 05/05/04 I win. I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 Hey, congratulations. samhornalito 05/05/04 Thanks. I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 we tied But now I win. Penguin 05/05/04 Stop it. I already won. I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 or do you? samhornalito 05/05/04 weak howhigh 05/05/04 What's weak? samhornalito 05/05/04 You are. The Meanest Fish 05/05/04 VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOm VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOO... Penguin 05/05/04 Hey, ouch! Jerk! I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 I think you misspelled a couple of words there. samhornalito 05/05/04 sneaky CIGARBOY 11/08/04 I win. If you respond anymore I will take a dump on you EYES Howard Stern 05/05/04 Yawn. Been there. Done that. Bitch. samhornalito 05/05/04 my dump has hepititis. Howard Stern 05/05/04 Is that supposed to STOP me? APguy 05/05/04 There's nothing you can do to me that Castro has not already... I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 say hello to my little friend pizzapizza 09/05/05 If this is going to continue, the thread should at least be ... viva_boricua 05/05/04 I'm quitting my job in a few weeks.... samhornalito 05/05/04 you will have to get around me though. I am the king of all ... Howard Stern 05/05/04 I'm the Don Imus of all last posters. I'll start a cancer r... samhornalito 05/05/04 haha that was hilarious. Howard Stern 05/05/04 I see through your thinly veiled cordiality (if that's even ... samhornalito 05/05/04 ... Howard Stern 05/05/04 I win. samhornalito 05/05/04 ... Howard Stern 05/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 im just being a prick One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 yup One 09/05/04 no doubt about it One 09/05/04 who would start such a stupid thread anyway? One 09/05/04 nevermind. One 09/05/04 That was One 09/05/04 this thread One 09/05/04 Know who i dont like? One 09/05/04 and One 09/05/04 and affirmative counteraction One 09/05/04 bust most of all One 09/05/04 god im tired One 09/05/04 i need to sleep One 09/05/04 ahh screw it One 09/05/04 i need no sleep One 09/05/04 oh shit One 09/05/04 am i crazy? One 09/05/04 guess i am One 09/05/04 nope, i do One 09/05/04 at the bottom bitch, oh well YHL ¿the chameleon? 09/05/04 I'm doing this One 09/05/04 see? One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04
One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 i win One 09/05/04 ....... One 09/05/04 bump One 09/06/04 again One 09/07/04 Will anybody find this? Shackleton 11/22/04 I certainly did. nirvanayoda 11/22/04 bastard. Shackleton 11/22/04 fuck you, sucka CIGARBOY 05/23/05 I am the champion, my friends. samhornalito 05/05/04 *hits samhorn in the head with a baseball bat* Howard Stern 05/05/04 ha johnny_hardcore 05/05/04 this thread is now closed. No one may post. P.S. I won Howard Stern 05/05/04 You all have your fun. I'll be back in 30 days to claim my ... samhornalito 05/05/04 You win! beanie boy 05/05/04 w theo_greek 05/07/04 The end. samhornalito 05/18/04 splurt. Sachin Tendulkar 05/18/04 Very clever way to run up the response tally. A+ Dominoe 05/18/04 Me. ItsNotPersonal 05/18/04 squirt Sachin Tendulkar 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 No, you lose. ItsNotPersonal 05/18/04 I win! win! WIN! Skella_Theo 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 hehe OldMoniker 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 Mark my words. I will win. Cork Soaker 05/18/04 Highly doubtful The Ghost of Tookie Williams 05/18/04 mrjizz wins CIGARBOY 10/09/05 I won! I won! h4ck3d 4cc0un7 05/18/04 i just won. hubertbateman 05/18/04 i win johnny_hardcore 05/20/04 I'm not going to win. ----- 05/20/04 I WIN I WIN I WIN YEAAAAAAAHHH!!! ... ... ... <sigh&g... glacialspeed 05/20/04 I will finally win something. samhornalito 05/20/04 Did I win? WBA 05/20/04 Yep. samhornalito 05/20/04 Sweet! WBA 05/20/04 You're on a roll. Keep entering contests. samhornalito 05/20/04 I will! WBA 05/20/04 Which ones? samhornalito 05/20/04 All of them!! WBA 05/20/04 I will make my donation to the never-ending thread. BadgerBadger 05/20/04 *tiptoes sneakily across the finish line* glacialspeed 05/21/04 not yet, glacialspeed abu musab al-barzini 05/21/04 And I'd have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you ... glacialspeed 05/21/04 POST # 130 HOCHZEITS game face ANON 05/21/04 Well played, Kramer. glacialspeed 05/21/04 I win I win I win Penguin 05/21/04 Ha. Ha. Ha. samhornalito 06/01/04 I don't need this thread to confirm what a loser I am. APP 06/01/04 You're right. samhornalito 06/01/04 bitches. i win of course MazelMafiaDon 06/01/04 Losers Yo Yo 06/01/04 what assshole started this thread? MachoBreeze 06/01/04 Seriously. samhornalito 06/01/04 :) stinky 06/01/04 I win! Again! WBA 06/02/04 Nice work. samhornalito 06/02/04 I win. Extreme Fajitas 06/08/04 False. more cowbell 06/08/04 This is dumb. But I win. Susie Derkins 06/08/04 I'm doing it all for the nookie. samhornalito 06/14/04 *sneaking across the finish line in the middle of the night* WBA 06/16/04 that wasn't the finish line, that was my sister. crap. Shackleton 06/16/04 I predict this will remain for a very long time the longest ... This board has declined 75% 06/16/04 What kind of sap would fall for such a lame... hey I win!... Macanudo 06/16/04 ... Webber's missing timeout 01/18/05 biotches, all of you MachoBreeze 06/16/04 win johnny_hardcore 06/16/04 this is pretty sad roadie2 06/16/04 reclaiming the lead MachoBreeze 06/17/04 I'm not sure I even have an attention span... Penguin 06/17/04 . This board has declined 75% 06/17/04 Next person who psost on this thread DIES FUCKERS!!!!!! V... Penguin 06/17/04 beep beep MachoBreeze 06/17/04 BANG BANG SMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH Penguin 06/25/04 I'm here to claim my victory prize before I leave. samhornalito 06/18/04 Yoink! SlapJohnson 06/18/04 *slaps slapjohnson upside the head, 3 stooges style* whoo... MachoBreeze 06/18/04 Ha. Ha. samhornalito 06/18/04 I WIN! sl0th 06/18/04 Win what? samhornalito 06/18/04 cockmaster. Freaknasty 06/18/04 I WIN AGAIN sl0th 06/18/04 I'd just like to remind everyone that I won. Last post! (f... sl0th 06/24/04 lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllloser! Penguin 06/25/04 WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWINNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr Columbia Law School 06/25/04 tip toes in quietly Penguin 10/29/04 a winner is me AmericanConsumer 06/25/04 dammit, it's 5 am, go away! Penguin 06/25/04 dude... i'm going to bed now. i just wanted to say I WIN on... AmericanConsumer 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 ME Penguin 06/25/04 ME Columbia Law School 06/25/04 winner AmericanConsumer 06/25/04 I'm the wiener. Bidding is now closed on this eBay auctio... Skella_Theo 06/25/04 REIGNING CHAMP Columbia Law School 06/25/04 sorry sloth euthyphro2 06/25/04 PWN3D Skella_Theo 06/25/04 konichiwa, bitches euthyphro2 06/25/04 I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know? thi... Columbia Law School 06/25/04 hee hee CIGARBOY 06/04/05 what do we win?? sarcastictwist 06/25/04 There's more to life than a little money, ya know. Don'tcha ... Columbia Law School 06/25/04 I WON! Columbia Law School 06/25/04 hi chicky* 06/25/04 They got this guy, in Germany. Fritz Something-or-other. Or ... Columbia Law School 06/25/04 All future posters on this thread will gain weight and becom... Penguin 06/26/04 looks like i'm a big faTTT WINNER!!!! AmericanConsumer 06/26/04 POTATOe Potatoe 06/26/04 I'm in Gamecock 06/26/04 Sneak victory This board has declined 75% 12/22/04 yeah but you get no credit 2kie 12/22/04 w00t God (The Zirra) Manizirra 06/26/04 Don't call it a comeback. Extreme Fajitas 06/27/04 i've been here for years MachoBreeze 06/27/04 V This board has declined 75% 07/09/04 What do you win? angeleyesbfh 07/09/04 Boomshakalaka Skella_Theo 07/19/04 greatest thread in xoxo history MachoBreeze 07/19/04 winnar. God is a concept by which we measure our pain 07/19/04 RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE AND RESCUE MY DAUGHTER Skella_Theo 07/19/04 *yawn* I WIN I WIN I WIN The JCM Volta 07/19/04 . MachoBreeze 07/19/04 winnar. uncontested. where's the prize? God is a concept by which we measure our pain 07/19/04 blech The JCM Volta 07/19/04 Perfect time to declare myself the winner. more cowbell 07/19/04 not quite perfect. also where are you going to law school i ... UMich 07/19/04 I should still be on LSN.com, but I'm going to Wash U next y... more cowbell 07/19/04 yeah i am zmtl492 also. lol jk. i dont post much on here exc... UMich 07/19/04 It comes from an SNL skit a few years ago with Will Ferrell ... more cowbell 07/19/04 that skit was a classic. and now, a moment of silence to hon... AmericanConsumer 07/19/04 I don't know how to put this...but I'm kind of a bid deal. more cowbell 07/19/04 oh i see. well at least that wont be botherig me later on in... UMich 07/19/04 a winner is me! AmericanConsumer 07/19/04 nope no way. UMich 07/19/04 I've stopped trying to win, but I do still make sure no one ... Penguin 07/19/04 I love how all it takes is my bumping this thread and immedi... more cowbell 07/19/04 Au contraire mon frere. more cowbell 07/19/04 hi@ ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Hi!1!@ Penguin 07/19/04 how are you? Brit 07/19/04 good, survived my big trip, came home alive and well even. ... Penguin 07/19/04 im not trying to be an a-hole but seriously how long have yo... UMich 07/19/04 I think I took it for about 2 months. Extended summer cours... Penguin 11/22/04 Vieni, vedi, e vinci. more cowbell 07/19/04 I miss normal conversations Brit 07/19/04 kthxdie ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 good point. you're a fount of wisdom Brit 07/19/04 i know, i'm so fucking cool ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 not Brit 07/19/04 i'm cooler than you ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Pastor Fred is not cool. have a cookie. Brit 07/19/04 OMG are you Pastor Fred ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 LAST PERSON TO POST BEFORE THE MILLIONTH POST - WINS! This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 OMG U HAV STARS NEX 2 YR NAM!!!111one ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 OMGZZZZZZZZZ This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 ONOES ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Yea! This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 OMG ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Lets get this thread up to 3500 before dawn so one of us can... This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 you post the millionth post for me ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 You're all faTTT!!! Penguin 07/19/04 Do you think fish posts on this forum as a means of controll... This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 no Penguin 07/19/04 Be honest in the confines of this anonymous, tiring, and uni... This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 You're scared of me. Brit 07/19/04 eat me ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 i sense your terror Brit 07/19/04 who are you and why are you here ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 come from behind win by culov Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 i win by forfeit. Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 wait, overtime. umich wins in overtime! culov is disqualifie... UMich 07/19/04 no subject Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 OMGSTFUOKDIEIWINKULOVVOMGOMG ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 ok you win. UMich 07/19/04 Why do you not have stars! This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 OMG ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 i dont think im cool enough Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 yeah i feel left out. here *******UMICH******** i should be ... UMich 07/19/04 ... johnny_hardcore 07/19/04 the winner is... me! The JCM Volta 07/19/04 All Hail! God (The Zirra) Manizirra 07/19/04 Fuck you! The JCM Volta 07/19/04 Ha!!! Bow before me, losers! franklyn 07/19/04 Can't get the millionth post, but for the time being I'll se... more cowbell 07/19/04 And now you don't. Extreme Fajitas 07/28/04 I said ME Penguin 09/03/04 I WIN Penguin 09/03/04
One 09/03/04 OMG I've never won anything in my life! Yay! you 09/03/04 YOU ALL LOSE! HAHAHA AlliCat 09/03/04 as if HOCHZEITS game face ANON 09/03/04 I WIN I WIN I WIN!!!!!!!!!!! *runs around field and tears... The JCM Volta 09/04/04 NUH UH GIRLFRIEN! I stutter a l- l- lot... 09/04/04 ha HA! I win. The JCM Volta 09/04/04 BOOM SHAKA LAKA LAKA! WHAT NOW?! I stutter a l- l- lot... 09/04/04 fuck bitches, get money The JCM Volta 09/04/04 The King returns. more cowbell 09/04/04 YOu all just wasted a lot of time. I win :) blueskies44 09/04/04 I'm the winner, and I did it without AA. the 09/04/04 Worst thread EVER! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/04/04 I hate this thread. But i just can't help it. blueskies44 09/04/04 lol pizzapizza 01/23/05 victory is mine BoaltDolt 09/04/04 *fart* MachoBreeze 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 PWN3D Howard Stern 09/05/04 Like my slave ancestors? One 09/05/04 Victory is mine. more cowbell 09/05/04 Inconceivable Howard Stern 09/05/04 win ¿the chameleon? 09/05/04 or not Howard Stern 09/05/04 Shhhhhhhhhhh. SaneDogCure 09/05/04 Winner right here. Tadow Whats up Now The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/05/04 huh? Howard Stern 09/05/04 UR so gey! HOCHZEITS game face ANON 09/05/04 The end is nigh BoaltDolt 09/05/04 in Cartman's voice: I hate you guys. Penguin 09/05/04 totally weak AmericanConsumer 09/05/04 Hellaweak WBA 09/05/04 . samhornalito 09/05/04 Game over! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/05/04 Not likely. The Meanest Fish 09/05/04 I own this thread. more cowbell 09/05/04 Consider this a foreclosure than. Biatch The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/05/04 False. more cowbell 09/05/04 hi. AppleSauce 09/05/04 an upset victory if i ever did see one. corlonedon 09/05/04 173 pizzapizza 09/05/04 anybody else not studying too hard? pizzapizza 09/06/04 this guy. more cowbell 09/07/04 it's all about timing. 2kie 09/07/04 you blew your load too early. more cowbell 09/07/04 i declare this thread over and myself the winner. HTMFH. MachoBreeze 09/09/04 you sonofabitch. HomerJSimpson 09/09/04 i'm a cop you eedeiot! MachoBreeze 09/09/04 you're a choir boy compared to me, a CHOIR BOY! HomerJSimpson 09/09/04 Did I win? The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/09/04 I claim this thread as mine via theory of adverse possession... more cowbell 09/10/04 you lose, bitch ¿the chameleon? 09/10/04 Bump, bitches. Unknown Poster 09/13/04 >ò peace (yeah///ok.. so its suppose to be a... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 09/13/04 >'//>><{ my fish kicks your fish's ass. al... Extreme Fajitas 09/18/04 Not so fast. more cowbell 09/20/04 Score! ...mobiusnu... 09/20/04 Swatted! more cowbell 09/20/04 ... this bitch has been h4|<3d 09/20/04 Bicuspid, we meet again... more cowbell 09/20/04 g'night this bitch has been h4|<3d 09/20/04 toodles more cowbell 09/20/04 im so tired but I cant fucking sleep this bitch has been h4|<3d 09/20/04 V This board has declined 75% 09/20/04 Looks like we have a winner folks, and its me! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/20/04 0 Challenge The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/26/04 ? ponky 09/26/04 not really sure The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/26/04 dumb idea for a thread Howard Stern 09/26/04 loser Penguin 09/29/04 wow, i was winning for 3 days. SWeet Howard Stern 09/29/04 lllllllllllllllllllllloser Penguin 09/29/04 i know Howard Stern 09/29/04 DAMMIT Penguin 09/29/04 *whistles* Howard Stern 09/29/04 I'll be back. Penguin 09/29/04 you win Howard Stern 09/29/04 I came back! Penguin 10/29/04 vote kerry CIGARBOY 10/29/04 damn, how did you even notice that? good eye. Penguin 10/29/04 The fact that it's bright red helps CIGARBOY 10/29/04 i declare howard stern the winner of this thread MachoBreeze 10/02/04 touche God (The Zirra) Manizirra 10/02/04 yyyoink Extreme Fajitas 10/02/04 PWN3D. Mike Evans 10/08/04 wow, this thread really sucks leaky juice box 10/08/04 Mmm. This thread tastes good. The Banana Peel Cases 10/10/04 I take the lead The Ghost of Tookie Williams 10/16/04 It is short-lived. CIGARBOY 10/26/04 stop posting on this thread you bastards immaculolli 10/26/04 That cheap tactic will not ensure you victory. By the way... CIGARBOY 10/26/04 Posting on this thread with give your computer a virus. HTH... the 10/26/04 is it an std? nirvanayoda 10/26/04 No, it will erase your hard drive and your LSAC file. the 10/26/04 My hard drive is backed up and i'm already in law school so ... nirvanayoda 10/26/04 You're not winning, neo-con. CIGARBOY 10/29/04 i'm not a neo-con :( i'm just a regular con! nirvanayoda 10/29/04 SOB's, all of you Penguin 10/29/04 just accept defeat CIGARBOY 10/29/04 You all suck. more cowbell 10/29/04 I've got a fevuh CIGARBOY 10/29/04 Boys boys take it easy. I'm like you, each morning I put on ... more cowbell 10/29/04 *cough* DaDogg 11/22/04 Me AlliCat 10/29/04 no, me ponky 10/29/04 Um, NO! AlliCat 10/29/04 um, YES....ME, ME, ME.......................................... ponky 10/29/04 this thread will hit 1K, unless the board dies first CIGARBOY 10/29/04 ME....i will be up until the wee wee hours!!! ponky 10/29/04 me? Penguin 10/29/04 SORRY! AlliCat 10/29/04 DING!!!! ponky 10/29/04 Booyah. Alpha_Man 10/29/04 Sunflower seeds dammit nirvanayoda 10/29/04 Booyah. Alpha_Man 10/29/04 I win again, Wilbon! BadgerBadger 10/29/04 gimme some dap MachoBreeze 10/29/04 *tip-toes in* ponky 10/29/04 This fucking thread better not be at the top of my screen fo... zxcvbnm 10/29/04 posting late at night to let it sink some seems like a good ... yada_its_yoda 10/29/04 I think edits should count. zxcvbnm 10/29/04 I disagree. Unknown Poster 10/29/04 V This board has declined 75% 10/29/04 Nice try asshole. Welcome to November. CIGARBOY 11/07/04 hmm []D [] []\/[] []D 11/07/04 I love that this thread was clearly created by a very stoned... CIGARBOY 11/07/04 I claim this thread in the name of the great (Reggie) Bush. Peter_Griffin 11/07/04 AHA! Thought you had, it didn't ya? Penguin 11/07/04 i vote we give this thread a proper burial at sea. HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/07/04 so close Penguin 11/07/04 Yep, very good try. The Meanest Fish 11/07/04 No way. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 11/07/04 Douchebags. RedScalitookie7 11/07/04 This is 500K worth of dumb. JohnTheJanitor 11/07/04 i agree Howard Stern 11/07/04 lick my butt and suck on my balls CIGARBOY 11/07/04 I forgot about this thread. Extreme Fajitas 11/07/04 Your shitty-ass memory will not allow you to be victorious, ... CIGARBOY 11/07/04 Then perhaps my knack for quickly coming up with haikus wi... Extreme Fajitas 11/07/04 I finally won something! I've never won anything before now... ............. 11/07/04 Post below to show that you think I pwned you 3 times. Penguin 11/08/04 I don't think you owned me, but you can if you want! nirvanayoda 11/08/04 It's me. I just know it's me!! nurseratchet 11/08/04 I heart this thread. Eat it nurse bitchass. HomerJSimpson 11/08/04 Is this threas still around? samhornalito 11/08/04 ... RUSKIE PWNS YOU 10/14/05 Lick my balls bitches. DarkGlobe 11/16/04 ... SmackYosh 11/20/04 Shackleton is quality. Shackleton 11/20/04 Apparently not quality enough, bitch. Shackleton 11/22/04 I am Sam. ¶etro 11/20/04 blast! thwarted again! Shackleton 11/20/04 I am Sam. ¶etro 11/20/04 Check this out Blue Duck 11/20/04 HERE Blue Duck 11/20/04 WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND! WBA 11/20/04 No one from Penn will win this...i declare it so! nirvanayoda 11/22/04 ... slick 11/22/04 You shall not pass! nirvanayoda 11/22/04 ... slick 11/22/04 I win superiorlobe 11/22/04 Congrats. samhornalito 11/22/04 You win nothing, you didn't even get into law school, fucker... FVCK YOU PAY ME 12/08/05 This thread is depresssing. Hundreds and hundreds of nonwin... Penguin 11/22/04 DING! MachoBreeze 11/22/04 Will you at least buy your next car from Eastern Motors? Shackleton 11/22/04 no because this suckitude is all eastern motors' fault MachoBreeze 11/22/04 That bastard. samhornalito 11/22/04 ho hum. I win again. superiorlobe 11/23/04 ... slick 11/23/04 HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Blue Duck 11/26/04 No one wanted in on this action?? Blue Duck 11/26/04 w00t Penguin 11/26/04 Unwieldly bitch to load. This board has declined 75% 11/26/04 ... Penguin 11/26/04 ... Penguin 11/26/04 nyar Timothy Smith 11/26/04 PWN3D h4ck3d 4cc0un7 11/26/04 cunnus Skella_Theo 11/26/04 ... Skella_Theo 11/26/04 ... Skella_Theo 11/26/04 I will win this. nirvanayoda 11/26/04 Berkeley is full of bitches Blah blah 11/26/04 and ugly hoes ¿the chameleon? 11/26/04 what's the prize anyway? nothing. i told you bastards to ... immaculolli 11/26/04 Bringing it in to December! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/05/04 I bring jean shorts to this thread 43 Fu.2d at 1121 12/05/04 500 unbearablevanity 12/05/04 503. By the way, I just got 3 tickets to the Rose Bowl, I ho... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/08/04 501K, bitches. CIGARBOY 12/08/04 I own this thread Peter_Griffin 12/08/04 yoink! SlapJohnson 12/08/04 *pulls rug out* Peter_Griffin 12/08/04 Purdue's going undefeated, bitches. CIGARBOY 12/08/04 *high five* Peter_Griffin 12/08/04 Cleveland rocks! 2kie 12/09/04 OOOOOOOOOOHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOO Wheeeee 12/09/04 did you really think I'd stay up till 5:30 and still let you... 2kie 12/09/04 nope The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/09/04 uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 2kie 12/09/04 Gotcha. Brennananon 12/09/04 nope Peter_Griffin 12/09/04 Seriously don't post after me... 2kie 12/12/04 weird, I just searched to bump this at the same exact time y... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/12/04 Takes the lead The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/12/04 Me! Me! NU2006 12/12/04 What is the ideal time to hit this thing? Are you guys on... 2kie 12/12/04 Nope. Peter_Griffin 12/12/04 So much for being on top. Guess I'll leave that up to Fis... * mandy * 12/12/04 Get off my boyfriend, bitch! Penguin 01/01/05 slut Penguin 10/09/05 Thank you very much. kaprof 12/13/04 King of the Pathetic. more cowbell 12/13/04 not at all The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/13/04 since this is an open account, can we agree just to leave me... Steelbone 12/14/04 I call truce. This is an unwinnable war. Let's just end it... ¶etro 12/15/04 what are your terms of surrender? you must give me the Ruhr. Euphronius 12/15/04 Never Say Die DarkGlobe 12/21/04 hmmm...the 4 PM bump...unconventional, but maybe that's exac... 2kie 12/21/04 No, I won 99999999 12/21/04 Victory from the jaws of defeat. the 12/22/04 This baby's heading into the new year! AWinkle 12/22/04 a boy can dream. Thersites 12/22/04 I'm a Wario... I'm a gonna ween! Doc Lewis 12/24/04 You can now stop posting on this ridiculous thread Merry ... immaculolli 12/25/04 Merry Christmas nirvanayoda 12/25/04 happy new year mother fuckers. yet again, you snooze you los... MachoBreeze 01/01/05 ... God is a concept by which we measure our pain 01/01/05 Change of rules: Any posters beyond this point will be autom... shark 01/02/05 Change of rules: Any posters above this point will be automa... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/02/05 Is this thing still going? Unknown Poster 01/03/05 I guess Columbia JD 01/03/05 ... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/15/05 bung chala chala chala dee dee dee EL171ST W4SP 174 01/15/05 ... Peter_Griffin 01/15/05 burp Meatsicle 01/15/05 This thread has a habit of getting bumped late night. Mike Evans 01/15/05 Indeed EL171ST W4SP 174 01/16/05 I haven't felt like a winner in a while. Extreme Fajitas 01/16/05 And you won't start today. Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 01/16/05 Predictions on when this will reach 1,000 posts? The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/18/05 SHUT THE FUCK UP FAG1 The Ghost of Tookie Williams 07/02/05 Soon. samhornalito 01/18/05 How soon? The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/18/05 wednesday? C |-| |_| C |< | S 01/18/05 ... :D 01/18/05 Booger. cambridge 01/18/05 I've managed to resist this thing for months, but I have no ... Rowan 01/18/05 and you didn't even win. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/18/05 :( Rowan 01/18/05 still no cigar. HomerJSimpson 01/18/05 Bump The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/19/05 Purdue should go undefeated! Peter_Griffin 01/19/05 You all suck big, FAT cock. The JCM Volta 01/19/05 *crickets* *crickets* New Poster 01/20/05 BRIAN DAWKINS! MachoBreeze 01/23/05 Already been broughtin. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/23/05 *smiles sweetly* The JCM Volta 01/23/05 It aint over yet. Mikhail Strogoff 01/23/05 You've got that right. Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 01/23/05 #1 howarddeansghost 01/25/05 Do you want fries with that? schnitzel deluxe ∀ 01/25/05 I WON FUCKERS! YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 You really are an idiot. The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 Are you really are the meanest fish. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 Wow, this thread may just reach 1000 posts... The JCM Volta 01/31/05 Slowly but surely. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 This thread says a lot about the toolishness of legal cultur... The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 Youre quite bitchy tonite. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 I'll give you that. The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 Word. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 See, now that's just rude. The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the foo... I'm counting numbers 02/03/05 fag Peter_Griffin 02/03/05 slut. schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 hinter striped. plucot 02/03/05 thought you left? schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the foo... I KNOW WHO YOU ARE 02/03/05 If anyone else posts, this thread will self destruct. nirvanayoda 02/03/05 I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the foo... I KNOW WHO YOU ARE 02/03/05 I won! I won! The JCM Volta 02/03/05 597! Fuck Yeah! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/03/05 leave it to a major U.K. department to write me on Monday to... Prof. Evan-2000 (ethics, aesthetics) 02/03/05 599! Fuck Yeah! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/03/05 600! Fuck Yeah! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/03/05 601! Fuck Yeah! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/03/05 FUCK YEAH! schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 poo. i win. Extreme Fajitas 02/03/05 fuck, no! schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 Bump The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/09/05 Looks like I win. Great Teacher Onizuka 02/09/05 victory is fleeting. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/09/05 you should know CompleteFailure 02/09/05 Incorrect The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/16/05 I win! I win! WBA 02/23/05 Wow. The coward thread has surpassed this one. Oh, and I ... Skella_Theo 02/23/05 Damn you, Skeletor! WBA 02/23/05 It's ovah! Macanudo 02/23/05 *gouges macanudo's eyes out* MachoBreeze 02/23/05 Peace out biatches.... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/23/05 This thread should declare war on the Madame Cunt thread. Peter_Griffin 02/23/05 No worries, this thread will win in the end, there is no dou... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/23/05 You blew your load too soon. Peter_Griffin 02/23/05 ... lce 02/26/05 fag The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/26/05 ... MC Paul Barman 03/01/05 no chance Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 Oooohhhh... I want to win! angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 No ones going to let you win. HTH. The Meanest Fish 03/01/05 No, really... I win! I always win ;) angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 False Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 No, really... I win! angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 Second place is the first loser. Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 I am not second place. I'm number 1! angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 ... Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 The next person who posts is admitting that they suck. CompleteFailure 03/01/05 Hi. The Meanest Fish 03/01/05 Meh, I've already tried the last person who posts will get f... Penguin 03/14/05 Oh, I'm sorry - this thread is still funny? Skella_Theo 03/01/05 Not really...but oh well. New Poster 03/01/05 Actually its tragic. It demonstrates exactly what is wrong ... The Meanest Fish 03/01/05 Bump My .44 make sho' all you trolls don't grow 03/07/05 Next person to lose in this thread wins! JohnTheJanitor 03/07/05 I lose. Highpockets 03/11/05 GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... Penguin 03/14/05 smack MachoBreeze 03/14/05 die thhhhhhucker (in Daffy Duck voice) Penguin 03/14/05 Prestigious. New Poster 03/21/05 . hotguy 03/21/05 . hotguy 03/21/05 453453 hotguy 03/21/05 1344314455354 hotguy 03/21/05 3454544435543 hotguy 03/21/05 51454435454545 hotguy 03/21/05 45415551514153 hotguy 03/21/05 43541515354 hotguy 03/21/05 13414335154 hotguy 03/21/05 545451454514 hotguy 03/21/05 53535 hotguy 03/21/05 34135153554 hotguy 03/21/05 1355153513554 hotguy 03/21/05 5415354553154 hotguy 03/21/05 45155335 hotguy 03/21/05 513513513 hotguy 03/21/05 5151355541 hotguy 03/21/05 13451353513135 hotguy 03/21/05 431413434334 hotguy 03/21/05 355385373758 hotguy 03/21/05 99878978978964 hotguy 03/21/05 6396369693693697 hotguy 03/21/05 You should have done all prime numbers. New Poster 03/21/05 It's important to move beyond this. JohnTheJanitor 03/21/05 I'll give 10 bucks to the next person who doesn't respond to... RedScalitookie7 03/21/05 Hi. im_blue 03/21/05 I'm glad this thread is still around. samhornalito 03/21/05 suckers boboshabobo 03/24/05 Incredible how many foolish victims this thread has claimed.... Walker, Texas Ranger 03/24/05 what if everyone who posts after you dies? Renada Deshada 03/24/05 The next person who responds is a fag. Wolfowitz 03/24/05 I'm a fag! JohnTheJanitor 03/24/05 So am I! JohnTheJanitor 03/27/05 Seriously, Rach said that this thread is taking up too much ... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 03/27/05 Ok- I win! The JCM Volta 03/27/05 nipples Extreme Fajitas 03/27/05 THEN WHY ARE YOU POSTING ON IT FOO? BITCH 04/05/05 I traveled 100 years into the future and posted in this thre... Loser-Fuckles 03/27/05 What Is Contra Dancing? Contra Dancing is a form o... Contra Fan 03/29/05 respond. JohnTheJanitor 04/02/05 I WIN I ALWAYS WIN LOSER_FUCKERS HOCHZEITS game face ANON 04/02/05 If you say so. JohnTheJanitor 04/02/05 FUK. EXACTLY YOU! HOCHZEITS game face ANON 04/02/05 It's ovah! Macanudo 04/05/05 send me my money JohnTheJanitor 04/05/05 I haven't won in a while... UNTIL NOW! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 04/09/05 absolvo te. schnitzel deluxe ∀ 04/09/05 i win Rachael Ray 04/09/05 nope bmud 04/09/05 No, I win. LawJerk 04/09/05 Champ again. Peter_Griffin 04/09/05 EAT BANDWITH COMMIE BASTARDS BITCH 04/09/05 whorebags and assmouths... i'm a winner. AmericanConsumer 04/11/05 false. Peter_Griffin 04/11/05 congrats. you just "almost" won. JohnTheJanitor 04/14/05 <wack> DoctorSwishy 04/14/05 "Ass-hattery shall nay be rewarded in heaven" H... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 04/14/05 1 year! :D 04/20/05 Fuck you all. New Poster 04/23/05 Good to be back on top. Peter_Griffin 04/23/05 This computer almost had a seizure trying to load this threa... The JCM Volta 04/23/05 ZOINK! Peter_Griffin 04/23/05 *bonk* The JCM Volta 04/23/05 Bush Encounters Hurdles on Energy Agenda 1 hour, 5 minute... JudgeDredd 04/23/05 you all suck eltonbrand 05/12/05 It's ovah! Macanudo 05/12/05 FUCK YOU I WIN HAHAHAHAHA Pedicabo Vos 05/12/05 Ahh..sweet victory. eltonbrand 05/12/05 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Pedicabo Vos 05/12/05 On this thread, everyone's a winner! YAY!!!! Pedicabo Vos 05/12/05 except you. eltonbrand 05/12/05 Heyyyy-Ooooooooooooooooooo. Mike Evans 05/14/05 I will QWN you all!! Gnophie 05/14/05 Last person to respond to this thread wins... Kirk 05/14/05 what a stupid thread SonicYouth 05/14/05 It is asymptotic towards infinity. The beast will live for e... bay of arizona 05/14/05 d WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 05/23/05 *tip-toes* Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 05/23/05 *farts audibly* Self-Portrait in a Convex Crapturd 05/23/05 *passes out* CIGARBOY 05/23/05 Author: Rear_Admiral_Darth_Butt_Monkey (what becomes of the ... LawJerk 05/23/05 more feces MachoBreeze 05/23/05 Fucking gunner douches... The Meanest Fish 05/27/05 you stealthy fag PennPlease 05/27/05 ., LawJerk 06/02/05 boo radley! felicia 06/02/05 I win! I win! Great Teacher Onizuka 06/02/05 In a standard comic book dystopian near-future Americans are... JudgeDredd 06/02/05 Never trust someone with an aol email address. The Meanest Fish 06/03/05 loser. RaoulDuke 06/03/05 Hey guy! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 06/03/05 Raps. Rapscallion 06/03/05 Can't you just let this thread die instead of bumping it lik... The Meanest Fish 06/04/05 #1 in Asia. JudgeDredd 06/09/05 I love nipples. Calm 06/09/05 who doesn't? JudgeDredd 06/09/05 GONZALEZ V. RAICH Without ME, it's just AWESO 06/09/05 this is all very interesting... JudgeDredd 06/09/05 this thread shall host the 3 millionth post MC Paul Barman 06/16/05 At the same time your cuntbag of a mother hosts her 3 millio... plucot 06/16/05 . The Ghost of Tookie Williams 06/16/05 Check out this awesome blog! Calm 06/17/05 what the fuck do i win? Patent Law 06/17/05 hth Rapscallion 06/17/05 nice ressurection the day this thread reaches 1000, i wil... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 06/17/05 Shiteaters. LawJerk 06/17/05 hope nobody with dialup tries to open this jakki 06/17/05 no shit, that would take forever just to see a shitty thread Patent Law 06/17/05 how will we know who wins? Won't we all be dead? shyster 06/17/05 Shut up, bitch. LawJerk 06/17/05 I am surprised you can operate a computer. Calm 06/17/05 You're the awkward shiteater. LawJerk 06/17/05 if no one wins, i win by default: SO IT IS WRITTEN...AND ... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 06/17/05 sneaky sneaky I win you lose Penguin 07/02/05 nice one MediumFries 07/02/05 I WIN Penguin 07/02/05 you are a worth adversary MediumFries 07/02/05 I win I win I win I win I win I win I win I win I win I win ... Penguin 07/02/05 SHOW ME THA MONEY! Sara.K 06/17/05 WINNER LawJerk 06/18/05 We're all winners JohnTheJanitor 06/18/05 no, me Sara.K 06/18/05 PWN3D LawJerk 06/18/05 oh man not this again. let it die. R A G N U S 06/20/05 ~ R A G N U S 07/16/05 Welcome to July! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 07/01/05 thanks Wheeeee 07/02/05 die Akaky Akakievich 07/02/05 Morning. Great Teacher Onizuka 07/02/05 I AM A REFRIGERATOR!!!! I HAVE WON!!!! ALL WHO ATTEMPT... IAMAREFRIGERATOR 07/02/05 Crestfallen, the water buffalo gazes longingly at his now sl... Rapscallion 07/02/05 :D rules Penguin 07/05/05 me? need to change 07/05/05 me PuppiesandCandy 07/05/05 Nope. beanie boy 07/05/05 No. Peter_Griffin 07/05/05 I will win this! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 07/06/05 I will win. Godshit 07/16/05 Every time I open this thread, it nearly crashes my browser. WBA 07/16/05 your computer is clearly a TTT MachoBreeze 07/16/05 i agree Godshit 07/16/05 Noted. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 I appreciate the gesture. Godshit 07/16/05 No problem. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 get a room, you two MachoBreeze 07/16/05 Did I ask you whether it was a problem? Godshit 07/16/05 There's no need to be a dick. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 I agree, so why are you being one? Godshit 07/16/05 I'm not. Go stick your wang in a toaster. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 Eat shit and die. Godshit 07/16/05 You first. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 No. Godshit 07/16/05 why do people keep responding to this stupid ass thread? DISCREDITOR 07/16/05 i have no clue. Godshit 07/16/05 I do. punkrockgrrrl 07/16/05 me too. | 07/20/05 Insomnia sucks. The Meanest Fish 07/27/05 ha I won cockmaster 07/27/05 Heil the great beagle, ruler of all he surveys loser Penguin 07/27/05 heil the schmeagle cockmaster 07/27/05 You thought you had this... You were mistaken. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 07/28/05 WHAT DO YOU CALL CHIPS THAT ARENT YOURS NACHO CHIPS LOL Pedicabo Vos 07/28/05 ... Skella_Theo 07/30/05 ... Akaky Akakievich 07/30/05 ah God (The Zirra) Manizirra 07/30/05 . RapsBAFFllion 07/30/05 yo soy Whamo 07/30/05 Welcome to August bitches. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 08/06/05 ... Best In Thread Award 08/06/05 greatest. thread. ever. The JCM Volta 08/06/05 Awesome! Colin 08/06/05 ... Wheeeee 08/06/05 yawn Guinness Draught 08/06/05 I almost forgot about this thread. samhornalito 08/06/05 ... Pinko 08/06/05 this is my first time posting in this thread. yay best thing invented since boobs 08/06/05 !!!!!!!!!!! God is a concept by which we measure our pain 08/06/05 why not? jakki 08/06/05 Bitches! LawJerk 08/12/05 sorry, no Cookie Abomination 08/12/05 i just had chinese MachoBreeze 08/12/05 bitches LawJerk 08/17/05 I wish I had thought of this thread fulano 08/17/05 pwn3d LawJerk 08/20/05 holla Falconetti 08/20/05 Victory shall be mine. shiveringjenny 09/01/05 loismustdie@yahoo.com MachoBreeze 09/01/05 Biloxi got ice MoreDoughHi 09/01/05 I thought it was about time I posted in this thread. Chocolate Covered Pretzel 09/01/05 What a great thread. Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 09/01/05 doh! LawJerk 09/01/05 Niggaz Pleez MoreDoughHi 09/01/05 I'm the winner! Sexy Beast 09/01/05 nope PuppiesandCandy 09/04/05 OMG - I win! I win! SexualChocolate 09/04/05 MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Mrs. Earl Riche 09/04/05 i be an retarded Vitookier 09/04/05 so glad i bumped this thread... very prestigious PuppiesandCandy 09/04/05 ... Vitookier 09/04/05 first thread to reach 1000? God is a concept by which we measure our pain 09/04/05 it's been done MachoBreeze 09/14/05 Suckers. Dogshit 09/04/05 we should get KKKatrina to post on this one PuppiesandCandy 09/04/05 ti,oc,tct Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 09/04/05 PEDICABO.VOS.ET.IRRUMABO Pedicabo Vos 09/04/05 I fucking hate my life Penguin 09/09/05 I fucking love your wife. SBToLaw 09/09/05 I'd like to donate my winnings to hurricane relief... howarddeansghost 09/10/05 No way dude, those winnings are MINE! WBA 09/12/05 mine now Rachael Ray 09/12/05 My favorite thread! LawJerk 09/10/05 witty thread ill kid 09/12/05 I win!! bubbletea 09/12/05 This is the most succesful thread ever. Columbia JD 09/12/05 *bows* MachoBreeze 09/14/05 Whoever makes the next post enters into a binding contract t... ButtFace M. 09/14/05 Defense of duress - today seems to be Bump the Classics Day Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 09/15/05 I am the last poster.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 melloo653 09/15/05 Yeeh. Athens 09/17/05 . LawJerk 09/17/05 *steals crown* SBToLaw 09/17/05 Cock. DISCREDITOR 09/17/05 fuck yeah. God is a concept by which we measure our pain 09/17/05 winner LawJerk 09/19/05 Chapter 1 - Marley's Ghost ----------------------------... Walker, Texas Ranger 09/19/05 yeah 007 373 5963 09/19/05 oh no. PUBLISHED 09/19/05 America, Fuck yeah! Lick my ass and suck on my balls. Am... SBToLaw 09/19/05 I want this to break 1000 LawJerk 10/04/05 This thread sucks. egress 10/09/05 BEST IN ASIA****************** IRATECHICKS 10/09/05 This thread is the Harvard of XO. 89.0chicksserved 10/09/05 . LawJerk 10/09/05 Congratulations! You win! BadgerBadger 10/09/05 So I win? Last person 10/09/05 sonofabitch! i lost again! (pretty clever, dude :) ) BadgerBadger 10/09/05 *eats fish* Penguin 10/09/05 when i save this thread as a .html file, it sizes up at 1.25... MachoBreeze 10/09/05 very interesting. but admit it, you just did that so YOU ... BadgerBadger 10/09/05 but I've already won Last person 10/09/05 foolish literalist! you have no chance! BadgerBadger 10/09/05 Too bad xoxo didn't know Scalia likes to post Last person 10/09/05 agreed MachoBreeze 10/09/05 I'm not so sure. Vitookier 10/09/05 blumpkin dickie 10/09/05 ftw! ill kid 10/09/05 . LawJerk 10/10/05 why not support the drive to 1000? 2kie 10/10/05 amen to that~ God is a concept by which we measure our pain 10/10/05 901. 007 373 5963 10/11/05 1000 here we come! JudgeDredd 10/11/05 i WANT THE 1000TH POST LawJerk 10/11/05 Monday monkey lives for the weekend. Chief Justice Claranthohn Breybader Scalito, III 10/11/05 crap, what's that from...scrubs? Extreme Fajitas 10/11/05 Futurama. How do you feel about Mondays? They're ok I gu... Chief Justice Claranthohn Breybader Scalito, III 10/11/05 Is it true that a Playboy Playmate posted here? ...mobiusnu... 10/11/05 You're plainly referring to me. Dogshit 10/11/05 . LawJerk 10/11/05 . LawJerk 10/11/05 910 is a stupid number. However... I like scotch 10/11/05 The Porsche 911 is a famous and distinctive sportscar made b... I like scotch 10/11/05 [913] Andy Rooney 10/11/05 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 What a monster of a thread. egress 10/11/05 Gay jackie 10/11/05 my computer just nearly crashed LearnedHand 10/11/05 dot doot doot Edit: holy shit I posted in this thread 6... bmud 10/11/05 daws\on lorbilon 10/11/05 *waddles clumsily across thread* Penguin 10/14/05 Oh no you dinnit! New Poster 10/14/05 *swims gracefully away* Penguin 10/14/05 when will it stop raining? i am going to single handedl... 2kie 10/14/05 ... 2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05 whew, this is tiring... note to self: post number nine-t... 2kie 10/14/05 The Number 937 937 is a Prime Number. 937 is a Centered 1... 2kie 10/14/05 I win. curious george 10/15/05 WINNER! Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 10/21/05 PWn3d! I just won. Rachael Ray 10/21/05 it's right here! MachoBreeze 10/24/05 Awesome! I searched for it, but to no avail. I'm fucking dum... LawJerk 10/24/05 yes, yes you are. MachoBreeze 10/24/05 Fuddrucker's ¶etro 10/24/05 Cmon 1000! LawJerk 11/04/05 BIG FUCKING WINNER, RIGHT HERE. DrewSucksoe 11/04/05 VICTORY! TubaFrog 11/04/05 tag Keep'n It Real 11/05/05 YES. I won. LOLZ^TOOK180 11/05/05 *Mwwwhahahahahaha* Victory shall be mine, oh yes, it shal... VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 Everytime someone loads this thread, it taxes the sites' ban... MadCatDisease 11/05/05 Madcat- do you sleep? :o) VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 shit Patent Law 11/05/05 DAMN YOU ALL!! VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 are you going to stay up forever to win this? Have fun! Patent Law 11/05/05 It's 10.10am here. I'm off to the library now, bitches. ... VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 Eat it, losers. Dogshit 11/05/05 It's all mine. shyster 11/05/05 not really. thanks for playing. LOLZ^TOOK180 11/05/05 this thread is getting dangeriously close to hitting the 100... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/05/05 I have rigged it so that when this thread reaches 1,000 post... MadCatDisease 11/05/05 nice HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/05/05 PWNIIID LawJerk 11/05/05 I cannot believe this thread has almost 1000 posts. Easily t... Columbia JD 11/05/05 slowly...slowly... Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 11/06/05 Let's Get it over 1,000 RBarchetta 11/09/05 i have a good feeling about it this time. Under Cover Gunner 11/09/05 Thats the plan LawJerk 11/09/05 I win!! Gamecock 11/09/05 congratulations. Kwiky 11/09/05 Crappy plan. The Meanest Fish 11/09/05 ... Patent Law 11/09/05 victory! bmud 11/09/05 666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpeng... Penguin 11/09/05 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749... Extreme Fajitas 11/09/05 There are some comments I need to make regarding this thread... 2kie 11/10/05 The person that posts the 1000th post is the most prestigiou... ButtFace M. 11/10/05 within reach if you want it.... 2kie 11/10/05 I know, but I will not intentionally spam to seek that honor... ButtFace M. 11/10/05 You do know that if you post enough messages you might excee... chiashu® 11/10/05 ahhhhhh yes yes yes yes, most excellent indeed! FeederCell 11/10/05 who knew? LOLZ^TOOK180 11/10/05 This thread will reach 1000 tonight if you make it happen. ... ButtFace M. 11/10/05 984 LawJerk 11/11/05 985 LawJerk 11/11/05 986 LawJerk 11/11/05 987 LawJerk 11/11/05 988 LawJerk 11/11/05 989 LawJerk 11/11/05 990 LawJerk 11/11/05 991 LawJerk 11/11/05 992 LawJerk 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 994 LawJerk 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 1000?! LawJerk 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 1000th post. I am so happy. God is a concept by which we measure our pain 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 1003 always a good number kinda like top 14 HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/11/05 YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! LawJerk 11/11/05 I win. Anon2890 11/11/05 YOU LOSE. Judge Friendly 11/11/05 Paradox anongradstudent 11/11/05 i Bush Doesn't care about black people 11/12/05 2000, here we come! LawJerk 11/12/05 Winning? AnotherCLS 11/12/05 this thread cements my status as board legend. htfh. MachoBreeze 11/12/05 this thread is fucking retarded. bitter about tuft 11/12/05 yea no shit, it got started on 420 risin 11/12/05 I can see this going on for quite some time... VelocityGrrrl 11/12/05 Last dmferry 11/12/05 One day this thread will destroy the board and then it will ... jackie 11/12/05 Or like a phoenix rising from the ashes. VelocityGrrrl 11/12/05 Ok, I give in. I'll play. Royale with Cheese 11/12/05 but you won't win immaculolli 11/15/05 I WON!!!!!! Nocebos 11/15/05 Wow, I finally won something! Vlad (The Animal) 11/15/05 BAFF for unreads shyster 11/15/05 tag LawJerk 11/18/05 :) ................................................ FeederCell 11/18/05 aha! My first post here. And I'm sure I will win. rasquatookie 11/18/05 I WIN!!! ME ME ME Overt Optimist 11/18/05 q23oy89g239o243 4 LawJerk 11/19/05 sweet JudgeDredd 11/19/05 never forget. Calm 11/19/05 This is it, I can FEEL it. jackie 11/20/05 before i die, i'm gonna read this thing cover to cover. Andy Rooney 11/20/05 I already told you guys to stop trying. samhornalito 11/21/05 nullown3d LawJerk 11/24/05 Not so fast. Mrs. Earl Riche 11/24/05 im winning this for my real doll <3 MachoBreeze 11/24/05 UNO! Mrs. Earl Riche 11/24/05 ... LawJerk 11/25/05 bump for macho's peace of mind LawJerk 11/25/05 I win. tookie monster 11/25/05 Never forget! Big Winner right here ladies. DrewSucksoe 11/30/05 I can't believe you guys are doing this, you're so lame. Oh... farouk 11/30/05 what the fuck is the prize? Patent Law 11/30/05 great question. samhornalito 11/30/05 It's AWESOME! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 11/30/05 This is quite the successful thread. Toilet Bomb 11/30/05 skeet skeet skeet schnitzel deluxe ∀ 12/01/05 ... I stutter a l- l- lot... 12/02/05 Is there any sort of honorable mention for having the last p... Dirty Heel 12/02/05 . Kwiky 12/07/05 Time to bump old threads! anon97865 12/08/05 i WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN asdf1234 12/08/05 MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Whamo 12/08/05 I win. Anon2890 12/08/05 incorrect Singha 12/08/05 Very incorrect Whamo 12/08/05 Hey you cockgobblers! Anon2890 12/08/05 4, 6, 5, 6, 7, 3, 8, 0, 2, 5, 6, 0, 0, 2, 6, 0, 8, 1, 1, 9,... Extreme Fajitas 12/08/05 Stupid pinky*b 12/11/05 marrakesh marrakesh 12/11/05 Happy holidays... By the way, does this thread kill bandwid... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/11/05 \ The most prestigious law school admissions discuss... Vitookier 12/11/05 ... Patent Law 12/15/05 ... MachoBreeze 12/18/05 there should have been a time limit or something. best thing invented since boobs 12/18/05
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Date: April 20th, 2004 3:59 PM Author: MachoBreeze
ready, set, go.
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:00 PM Author: DickBandit (Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff)
.
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Date: September 26th, 2004 4:09 AM Author: Howard Stern (Ponky is pregnant with my burrito.)
THIS THREAD IS CLOSED.
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Date: October 2nd, 2004 4:34 PM Author: Extreme Fajitas
reopened.
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Date: June 3rd, 2005 1:21 AM Author: Dan the Man
and reopened again.
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Date: July 28th, 2005 12:20 AM Author: The Ghost of Tookie Williams (UTAdler@gmail.com)
And again...
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Date: October 11th, 2005 5:56 PM Author: Slinky Damsel
You are so cute and sexy. HTH.
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:23 PM Author: Starscream (Megatron ain't got nuthin on ME!!!)
Meg Ryan is the perfect woman
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:00 PM Author: Dr. Anthony T Kronman
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:23 PM Author: Starscream (Megatron ain't got nuthin on ME!!!)
Meg Ryan is the perfect woman
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:01 PM Author: sexybeast (i heart milkncookies)
(*)(*)
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:03 PM Author: DickBandit (Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff)
.
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:36 PM Author: The Ghost of Tookie Williams
No, I win
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:44 AM Author: One Subject:
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:52 AM Author: One
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Date: January 18th, 2005 1:46 PM Author: The Ghost of Tookie Williams (1-800-683-8383. The call is free. The advice is priceless.)
hmm
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:22 PM Author: Starscream (Megatron ain't got nuthin on ME!!!)
Meg Ryan is the perfect woman
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Date: November 21st, 2005 9:34 AM Author: TTTthemovie (When I talk to librarians, y'know I'm thinkin' about bangin' em)
THE WINNER!!!!! for the next ten seconds
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Date: December 11th, 2005 11:05 AM Author: Schtick Quattro (xoxolonestar@gmail.com)
hi
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:04 PM Author: Dr. Anthony T Kronman
^
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:05 PM Author: rambler
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:06 PM Author: Poetic dreamer (Whether Beauty be found in mathematics or a flower)
How will you announce the winner without becoming the winner yourself ?
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:07 PM Author: Rear_Admiral_Darth_Butt_Monkey (what becomes of the borken hearted?)
A few years ago, while browsing around the library downtown, I had to take a piss. As I entered the john a big beautiful all-american football hero type, about twenty-five, came out of one of the booths. I stood at the urinal looking at him out of the corner of my eye as he washed his hands. He didn't once look at me. He was "straight" and married -- and in any case I was sure I wouldn't have a chance with him.
As soon as he left I darted into the booth he'd vacated, hoping there might be a lingering smell of shit and even a seat still warm from his sturdy young ass. I found not only the smell but the shit itself. He'd forgotten to flush. And what a treasure he had left behind. Three or four beautiful specimens floated in the bowl. It apparently had been a fairly dry, constipated shit, for all were fat, stiff, and ruggedly textured.
The real prize was a great feast of turd -- a nine inch gastrointestinal triumph as thick as a man's wrist.
I knelt before the bowl, inhaling the rich brown fragrance and wondered if I should obey the impulse building up inside me. I'd always been a heavy rimmer and had lapped up more than one little clump of shit, but that had been just an inevitable part of eating ass and not an end in itself. Of course I'd had jerk-off fantasies of devouring great loads of it (what rimmer hasn't), but I had never done it. Now, here I was, confronted with the most beautiful five-pound turd I'd ever feasted my eyes on, a sausage fit to star in any fantasy and one I knew to have been hatched from the asshole of the world's handsomest young stud.
Why not? I plucked it from the bowl, holding it with both hands to keep it from breaking. I lifted it to my nose. It smelled like rich, ripe limburger (horrid, but thrilling), yet had the consistency of cheddar. What is cheese anyway but milk turning to shit without the benefit of a digestive tract? I gave it a lick and found that it tasted better then it smelled. I've found since then that shit nearly almost does.
I hesitated no longer. I shoved the fucking thing as far into my mouth as I could get it and sucked on it like a big brown cock, beating my meat like a madman. I wanted to completely engulf it and bit off a large chunk, flooding my mouth with the intense, bittersweet flavor. To my delight I found that while the water in the bowl had chilled the outside of the turd, it was still warm inside. As I chewed I discovered that it was filled with hard little bits of something I soon identified as peanuts. He hadn't chewed them carefully and they'd passed through his body virtually unchanged. I ate it greedily, sending lump after peanutty lump sliding scratchily down my throat. My only regret was the donor of this feast wasn't there to wash it down with his piss.
I soon reached a terrific climax. I caught my cum in the cupped palm of my hand and drank it down. Believe me, there is no more delightful combination of flavors than the hot sweetness of cum with the rich bitterness of shit.
Afterwards I was sorry that I hadn't made it last longer. But then I realized that I still had a lot of fun in store for me. There was still a clutch of virile turds left in the bowl. I tenderly fished them out, rolled them into my hankerchief, and stashed them in my briefcase. In the week to come I found all kinds of ways to eat the shit without bolting it right down. Once eaten it's gone forever unless you want to filch it third hand out of your own asshole. Not an unreasonable recourse in moments of desperation or simple boredom. I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing, letting it slowly dissolve. I had liquid shit trickling down my throat for nearly four hours. I must have had six orgasms in the process.
I often think of that lovely young guy dropping solid gold out of his sweet, pink asshole every day, never knowing what joy it could, and at least once did, bring to a grateful shiteater.
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:27 PM Author: MachoBreeze
i win
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:28 PM Author: WBA
No, you lose.
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:28 PM Author: beanie boy
I win!
edit: Damn!
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:29 PM Author: Shoeless Joe
i have defeated you.
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:31 PM Author: APP (Nirvana, here I come)
*yawn*
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Date: December 19th, 2005 12:46 AM Author: ding (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4604594) |
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Date: December 19th, 2005 12:49 AM Author: tantric this thread takes forever to load. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4604619) |
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Date: December 19th, 2005 12:49 AM Author: topaz \
The most prestigious law school admissions discussion board in the world. BackRefresh Options
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ready, set, go. MachoBreeze 04/20/04 . DickBandit 04/20/04 THIS THREAD IS CLOSED. Howard Stern 09/26/04 reopened. Extreme Fajitas 10/02/04 and reopened again. Dan the Man 06/03/05 And again... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 07/28/05 You are so cute and sexy. HTH. Slinky Damsel 10/11/05 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 ... Dr. Anthony T Kronman 04/20/04 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 (*)(*) sexybeast 04/20/04 . DickBandit 04/20/04 No, I win The Ghost of Tookie Williams 05/18/04
One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 hmm The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/18/05 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 THE WINNER!!!!! for the next ten seconds TTTthemovie 11/21/05 hi Schtick Quattro 12/11/05 ^ Dr. Anthony T Kronman 04/20/04 ... rambler 04/20/04 How will you announce the winner without becoming the winner... Poetic dreamer 04/20/04 A few years ago, while browsing around the library downtow... Rear_Admiral_Darth_Butt_Monkey 04/20/04 i win MachoBreeze 04/21/04 No, you lose. WBA 04/21/04 I win! edit: Damn! beanie boy 04/21/04 i have defeated you. Shoeless Joe 04/21/04 *yawn* APP 04/21/04 I'm the champ!!! samhornalito 04/21/04 . DickBandit 04/21/04 Take that!!! samhornalito 04/28/04 I'm still winning. samhornalito 05/05/04 L Penguin 05/05/04 If I win this, it will compete with my National Hispanic Rec... viva_boricua 05/05/04 You won't win this. Give up now. samhornalito 05/05/04 If you really want it that badly, you can have it. viva_boricua 05/05/04 Thanks. samhornalito 05/05/04 Anytime. viva_boricua 05/05/04 LOSERS take that Penguin 05/05/04 Take what? samhornalito 05/05/04 WINNA WINNA WINNA Howard Stern 05/05/04 Stick to morning radio. samhornalito 05/05/04 Not anymore Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 bastards Penguin 05/05/04 All of us? samhornalito 05/05/04 fuck yeah! this still counts, you only have to respond la... Penguin 05/05/04 I'm the winner! Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 "Wudda I win?" Futureman 05/05/04 Nothing. samhornalito 05/05/04 The correct answer would have been: "Uh, anything in thi... Futureman 05/05/04 Nothing, cause you're not the winner Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 Neither are you. samhornalito 05/05/04 damn you! Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 Hello hello Howard Stern 05/05/04 Goodbye Booey Maguire. samhornalito 05/05/04 you complete me Howard Stern 05/05/04 Next Person to respond has sex with his/her mom and dad howhigh 05/05/04 Aye Papi Howard Stern 05/05/04 Ouch, I don't want to win this war anymore... howhigh 05/05/04 Yeah, except that it's opposite day, dumbass. samhornalito 05/05/04 I guess your saying I'm the opposite of a dumbass then. And... howhigh 05/05/04 so you think it is opposite day? Howard Stern 05/05/04 Are you aksing me if I think it's NOT opposite day? howhigh 05/05/04 god we aren't pathetic Howard Stern 05/05/04 Tomorrow is opposite day. beanie boy 05/05/04 If it's opposite day thent he last person to post loses. Diomedes kickin' it old schul 05/05/04 Uh, I think that violates some part of the time-space contin... samhornalito 05/05/04 I win. I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 Hey, congratulations. samhornalito 05/05/04 Thanks. I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 we tied But now I win. Penguin 05/05/04 Stop it. I already won. I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 or do you? samhornalito 05/05/04 weak howhigh 05/05/04 What's weak? samhornalito 05/05/04 You are. The Meanest Fish 05/05/04 VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOm VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOO... Penguin 05/05/04 Hey, ouch! Jerk! I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 I think you misspelled a couple of words there. samhornalito 05/05/04 sneaky CIGARBOY 11/08/04 I win. If you respond anymore I will take a dump on you EYES Howard Stern 05/05/04 Yawn. Been there. Done that. Bitch. samhornalito 05/05/04 my dump has hepititis. Howard Stern 05/05/04 Is that supposed to STOP me? APguy 05/05/04 There's nothing you can do to me that Castro has not already... I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! 05/05/04 say hello to my little friend pizzapizza 09/05/05 If this is going to continue, the thread should at least be ... viva_boricua 05/05/04 I'm quitting my job in a few weeks.... samhornalito 05/05/04 you will have to get around me though. I am the king of all ... Howard Stern 05/05/04 I'm the Don Imus of all last posters. I'll start a cancer r... samhornalito 05/05/04 haha that was hilarious. Howard Stern 05/05/04 I see through your thinly veiled cordiality (if that's even ... samhornalito 05/05/04 ... Howard Stern 05/05/04 I win. samhornalito 05/05/04 ... Howard Stern 05/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 im just being a prick One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 yup One 09/05/04 no doubt about it One 09/05/04 who would start such a stupid thread anyway? One 09/05/04 nevermind. One 09/05/04 That was One 09/05/04 this thread One 09/05/04 Know who i dont like? One 09/05/04 and One 09/05/04 and affirmative counteraction One 09/05/04 bust most of all One 09/05/04 god im tired One 09/05/04 i need to sleep One 09/05/04 ahh screw it One 09/05/04 i need no sleep One 09/05/04 oh shit One 09/05/04 am i crazy? One 09/05/04 guess i am One 09/05/04 nope, i do One 09/05/04 at the bottom bitch, oh well YHL ¿the chameleon? 09/05/04 I'm doing this One 09/05/04 see? One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04
One 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 i win One 09/05/04 ....... One 09/05/04 bump One 09/06/04 again One 09/07/04 Will anybody find this? Shackleton 11/22/04 I certainly did. nirvanayoda 11/22/04 bastard. Shackleton 11/22/04 fuck you, sucka CIGARBOY 05/23/05 I am the champion, my friends. samhornalito 05/05/04 *hits samhorn in the head with a baseball bat* Howard Stern 05/05/04 ha johnny_hardcore 05/05/04 this thread is now closed. No one may post. P.S. I won Howard Stern 05/05/04 You all have your fun. I'll be back in 30 days to claim my ... samhornalito 05/05/04 You win! beanie boy 05/05/04 w theo_greek 05/07/04 The end. samhornalito 05/18/04 splurt. Sachin Tendulkar 05/18/04 Very clever way to run up the response tally. A+ Dominoe 05/18/04 Me. ItsNotPersonal 05/18/04 squirt Sachin Tendulkar 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 I win. Skella_Theo 05/18/04 No, you lose. ItsNotPersonal 05/18/04 I win! win! WIN! Skella_Theo 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 hehe OldMoniker 05/18/04 ... Dominoe 05/18/04 Mark my words. I will win. Cork Soaker 05/18/04 Highly doubtful The Ghost of Tookie Williams 05/18/04 mrjizz wins CIGARBOY 10/09/05 I won! I won! h4ck3d 4cc0un7 05/18/04 i just won. hubertbateman 05/18/04 i win johnny_hardcore 05/20/04 I'm not going to win. ----- 05/20/04 I WIN I WIN I WIN YEAAAAAAAHHH!!! ... ... ... <sigh&g... glacialspeed 05/20/04 I will finally win something. samhornalito 05/20/04 Did I win? WBA 05/20/04 Yep. samhornalito 05/20/04 Sweet! WBA 05/20/04 You're on a roll. Keep entering contests. samhornalito 05/20/04 I will! WBA 05/20/04 Which ones? samhornalito 05/20/04 All of them!! WBA 05/20/04 I will make my donation to the never-ending thread. BadgerBadger 05/20/04 *tiptoes sneakily across the finish line* glacialspeed 05/21/04 not yet, glacialspeed don fatzini 05/21/04 And I'd have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you ... glacialspeed 05/21/04 POST # 130 HOCHZEITS game face ANON 05/21/04 Well played, Kramer. glacialspeed 05/21/04 I win I win I win Penguin 05/21/04 Ha. Ha. Ha. samhornalito 06/01/04 I don't need this thread to confirm what a loser I am. APP 06/01/04 You're right. samhornalito 06/01/04 bitches. i win of course MazelMafiaDon 06/01/04 Losers Yo Yo 06/01/04 what assshole started this thread? MachoBreeze 06/01/04 Seriously. samhornalito 06/01/04 :) stinky 06/01/04 I win! Again! WBA 06/02/04 Nice work. samhornalito 06/02/04 I win. Extreme Fajitas 06/08/04 False. more cowbell 06/08/04 This is dumb. But I win. Susie Derkins 06/08/04 I'm doing it all for the nookie. samhornalito 06/14/04 *sneaking across the finish line in the middle of the night* WBA 06/16/04 that wasn't the finish line, that was my sister. crap. Shackleton 06/16/04 I predict this will remain for a very long time the longest ... This board has declined 75% 06/16/04 What kind of sap would fall for such a lame... hey I win!... Macanudo 06/16/04 ... Webber's missing timeout 01/18/05 biotches, all of you MachoBreeze 06/16/04 win johnny_hardcore 06/16/04 this is pretty sad roadie2 06/16/04 reclaiming the lead MachoBreeze 06/17/04 I'm not sure I even have an attention span... Penguin 06/17/04 . This board has declined 75% 06/17/04 Next person who psost on this thread DIES FUCKERS!!!!!! V... Penguin 06/17/04 beep beep MachoBreeze 06/17/04 BANG BANG SMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH Penguin 06/25/04 I'm here to claim my victory prize before I leave. samhornalito 06/18/04 Yoink! SlapJohnson 06/18/04 *slaps slapjohnson upside the head, 3 stooges style* whoo... MachoBreeze 06/18/04 Ha. Ha. samhornalito 06/18/04 I WIN! sl0th 06/18/04 Win what? samhornalito 06/18/04 cockmaster. Freaknasty 06/18/04 I WIN AGAIN sl0th 06/18/04 I'd just like to remind everyone that I won. Last post! (f... sl0th 06/24/04 lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllloser! Penguin 06/25/04 WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWINNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr Columbia Law School 06/25/04 tip toes in quietly Penguin 10/29/04 a winner is me AmericanConsumer 06/25/04 dammit, it's 5 am, go away! Penguin 06/25/04 dude... i'm going to bed now. i just wanted to say I WIN on... AmericanConsumer 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 me Penguin 06/25/04 ME Penguin 06/25/04 ME Columbia Law School 06/25/04 winner AmericanConsumer 06/25/04 I'm the wiener. Bidding is now closed on this eBay auctio... Skella_Theo 06/25/04 REIGNING CHAMP Columbia Law School 06/25/04 sorry sloth euthyphro2 06/25/04 PWN3D Skella_Theo 06/25/04 konichiwa, bitches euthyphro2 06/25/04 I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know? thi... Columbia Law School 06/25/04 hee hee CIGARBOY 06/04/05 what do we win?? sarcastictwist 06/25/04 There's more to life than a little money, ya know. Don'tcha ... Columbia Law School 06/25/04 I WON! Columbia Law School 06/25/04 hi chicky* 06/25/04 They got this guy, in Germany. Fritz Something-or-other. Or ... Columbia Law School 06/25/04 All future posters on this thread will gain weight and becom... Penguin 06/26/04 looks like i'm a big faTTT WINNER!!!! AmericanConsumer 06/26/04 POTATOe Potatoe 06/26/04 I'm in Gamecock 06/26/04 Sneak victory This board has declined 75% 12/22/04 yeah but you get no credit 2kie 12/22/04 w00t God (The Zirra) Manizirra 06/26/04 Don't call it a comeback. Extreme Fajitas 06/27/04 i've been here for years MachoBreeze 06/27/04 V This board has declined 75% 07/09/04 What do you win? angeleyesbfh 07/09/04 Boomshakalaka Skella_Theo 07/19/04 greatest thread in xoxo history MachoBreeze 07/19/04 winnar. God is a concept by which we measure our pain 07/19/04 RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE AND RESCUE MY DAUGHTER Skella_Theo 07/19/04 *yawn* I WIN I WIN I WIN The JCM Volta 07/19/04 . MachoBreeze 07/19/04 winnar. uncontested. where's the prize? God is a concept by which we measure our pain 07/19/04 blech The JCM Volta 07/19/04 Perfect time to declare myself the winner. more cowbell 07/19/04 not quite perfect. also where are you going to law school i ... UMich 07/19/04 I should still be on LSN.com, but I'm going to Wash U next y... more cowbell 07/19/04 yeah i am zmtl492 also. lol jk. i dont post much on here exc... UMich 07/19/04 It comes from an SNL skit a few years ago with Will Ferrell ... more cowbell 07/19/04 that skit was a classic. and now, a moment of silence to hon... AmericanConsumer 07/19/04 I don't know how to put this...but I'm kind of a bid deal. more cowbell 07/19/04 oh i see. well at least that wont be botherig me later on in... UMich 07/19/04 a winner is me! AmericanConsumer 07/19/04 nope no way. UMich 07/19/04 I've stopped trying to win, but I do still make sure no one ... Penguin 07/19/04 I love how all it takes is my bumping this thread and immedi... more cowbell 07/19/04 Au contraire mon frere. more cowbell 07/19/04 hi@ ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Hi!1!@ Penguin 07/19/04 how are you? Brit 07/19/04 good, survived my big trip, came home alive and well even. ... Penguin 07/19/04 im not trying to be an a-hole but seriously how long have yo... UMich 07/19/04 I think I took it for about 2 months. Extended summer cours... Penguin 11/22/04 Vieni, vedi, e vinci. more cowbell 07/19/04 I miss normal conversations Brit 07/19/04 kthxdie ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 good point. you're a fount of wisdom Brit 07/19/04 i know, i'm so fucking cool ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 not Brit 07/19/04 i'm cooler than you ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Pastor Fred is not cool. have a cookie. Brit 07/19/04 OMG are you Pastor Fred ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 LAST PERSON TO POST BEFORE THE MILLIONTH POST - WINS! This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 OMG U HAV STARS NEX 2 YR NAM!!!111one ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 OMGZZZZZZZZZ This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 ONOES ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Yea! This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 OMG ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 Lets get this thread up to 3500 before dawn so one of us can... This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 you post the millionth post for me ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 You're all faTTT!!! Penguin 07/19/04 Do you think fish posts on this forum as a means of controll... This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 no Penguin 07/19/04 Be honest in the confines of this anonymous, tiring, and uni... This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 You're scared of me. Brit 07/19/04 eat me ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 i sense your terror Brit 07/19/04 who are you and why are you here ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 come from behind win by culov Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 i win by forfeit. Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 wait, overtime. umich wins in overtime! culov is disqualifie... UMich 07/19/04 no subject Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 OMGSTFUOKDIEIWINKULOVVOMGOMG ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 ok you win. UMich 07/19/04 Why do you not have stars! This board has declined 75% 07/19/04 OMG ¿the chameleon? 07/19/04 i dont think im cool enough Akaky Akakievich 07/19/04 yeah i feel left out. here *******UMICH******** i should be ... UMich 07/19/04 ... johnny_hardcore 07/19/04 the winner is... me! The JCM Volta 07/19/04 All Hail! God (The Zirra) Manizirra 07/19/04 Fuck you! The JCM Volta 07/19/04 Ha!!! Bow before me, losers! franklyn 07/19/04 Can't get the millionth post, but for the time being I'll se... more cowbell 07/19/04 And now you don't. Extreme Fajitas 07/28/04 I said ME Penguin 09/03/04 I WIN Penguin 09/03/04
One 09/03/04 OMG I've never won anything in my life! Yay! you 09/03/04 YOU ALL LOSE! HAHAHA AlliCat 09/03/04 as if HOCHZEITS game face ANON 09/03/04 I WIN I WIN I WIN!!!!!!!!!!! *runs around field and tears... The JCM Volta 09/04/04 NUH UH GIRLFRIEN! I stutter a l- l- lot... 09/04/04 ha HA! I win. The JCM Volta 09/04/04 BOOM SHAKA LAKA LAKA! WHAT NOW?! I stutter a l- l- lot... 09/04/04 fuck bitches, get money The JCM Volta 09/04/04 The King returns. more cowbell 09/04/04 YOu all just wasted a lot of time. I win :) blueskies44 09/04/04 I'm the winner, and I did it without AA. the 09/04/04 Worst thread EVER! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/04/04 I hate this thread. But i just can't help it. blueskies44 09/04/04 lol pizzapizza 01/23/05 victory is mine BoaltDolt 09/04/04 *fart* MachoBreeze 09/05/04 ... One 09/05/04 PWN3D Howard Stern 09/05/04 Like my slave ancestors? One 09/05/04 Victory is mine. more cowbell 09/05/04 Inconceivable Howard Stern 09/05/04 win ¿the chameleon? 09/05/04 or not Howard Stern 09/05/04 Shhhhhhhhhhh. SaneDogCure 09/05/04 Winner right here. Tadow Whats up Now The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/05/04 huh? Howard Stern 09/05/04 UR so gey! HOCHZEITS game face ANON 09/05/04 The end is nigh BoaltDolt 09/05/04 in Cartman's voice: I hate you guys. Penguin 09/05/04 totally weak AmericanConsumer 09/05/04 Hellaweak WBA 09/05/04 . samhornalito 09/05/04 Game over! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/05/04 Not likely. The Meanest Fish 09/05/04 I own this thread. more cowbell 09/05/04 Consider this a foreclosure than. Biatch The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/05/04 False. more cowbell 09/05/04 hi. AppleSauce 09/05/04 an upset victory if i ever did see one. corlonedon 09/05/04 173 pizzapizza 09/05/04 anybody else not studying too hard? pizzapizza 09/06/04 this guy. more cowbell 09/07/04 it's all about timing. 2kie 09/07/04 you blew your load too early. more cowbell 09/07/04 i declare this thread over and myself the winner. HTMFH. MachoBreeze 09/09/04 you sonofabitch. HomerJSimpson 09/09/04 i'm a cop you eedeiot! MachoBreeze 09/09/04 you're a choir boy compared to me, a CHOIR BOY! HomerJSimpson 09/09/04 Did I win? The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/09/04 I claim this thread as mine via theory of adverse possession... more cowbell 09/10/04 you lose, bitch ¿the chameleon? 09/10/04 Bump, bitches. Unknown Poster 09/13/04 >ò peace (yeah///ok.. so its suppose to be a... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 09/13/04 >'//>><{ my fish kicks your fish's ass. al... Extreme Fajitas 09/18/04 Not so fast. more cowbell 09/20/04 Score! ...mobiusnu... 09/20/04 Swatted! more cowbell 09/20/04 ... this bitch has been h4|<3d 09/20/04 Bicuspid, we meet again... more cowbell 09/20/04 g'night this bitch has been h4|<3d 09/20/04 toodles more cowbell 09/20/04 im so tired but I cant fucking sleep this bitch has been h4|<3d 09/20/04 V This board has declined 75% 09/20/04 Looks like we have a winner folks, and its me! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/20/04 0 Challenge The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/26/04 ? ponky 09/26/04 not really sure The Ghost of Tookie Williams 09/26/04 dumb idea for a thread Howard Stern 09/26/04 loser Penguin 09/29/04 wow, i was winning for 3 days. SWeet Howard Stern 09/29/04 lllllllllllllllllllllloser Penguin 09/29/04 i know Howard Stern 09/29/04 DAMMIT Penguin 09/29/04 *whistles* Howard Stern 09/29/04 I'll be back. Penguin 09/29/04 you win Howard Stern 09/29/04 I came back! Penguin 10/29/04 vote kerry CIGARBOY 10/29/04 damn, how did you even notice that? good eye. Penguin 10/29/04 The fact that it's bright red helps CIGARBOY 10/29/04 i declare howard stern the winner of this thread MachoBreeze 10/02/04 touche God (The Zirra) Manizirra 10/02/04 yyyoink Extreme Fajitas 10/02/04 PWN3D. Mike Evans 10/08/04 wow, this thread really sucks leaky juice box 10/08/04 Mmm. This thread tastes good. The Banana Peel Cases 10/10/04 I take the lead The Ghost of Tookie Williams 10/16/04 It is short-lived. CIGARBOY 10/26/04 stop posting on this thread you bastards immaculolli 10/26/04 That cheap tactic will not ensure you victory. By the way... CIGARBOY 10/26/04 Posting on this thread with give your computer a virus. HTH... the 10/26/04 is it an std? nirvanayoda 10/26/04 No, it will erase your hard drive and your LSAC file. the 10/26/04 My hard drive is backed up and i'm already in law school so ... nirvanayoda 10/26/04 You're not winning, neo-con. CIGARBOY 10/29/04 i'm not a neo-con :( i'm just a regular con! nirvanayoda 10/29/04 SOB's, all of you Penguin 10/29/04 just accept defeat CIGARBOY 10/29/04 You all suck. more cowbell 10/29/04 I've got a fevuh CIGARBOY 10/29/04 Boys boys take it easy. I'm like you, each morning I put on ... more cowbell 10/29/04 *cough* DaDogg 11/22/04 Me AlliCat 10/29/04 no, me ponky 10/29/04 Um, NO! AlliCat 10/29/04 um, YES....ME, ME, ME.......................................... ponky 10/29/04 this thread will hit 1K, unless the board dies first CIGARBOY 10/29/04 ME....i will be up until the wee wee hours!!! ponky 10/29/04 me? Penguin 10/29/04 SORRY! AlliCat 10/29/04 DING!!!! ponky 10/29/04 Booyah. Alpha_Man 10/29/04 Sunflower seeds dammit nirvanayoda 10/29/04 Booyah. Alpha_Man 10/29/04 I win again, Wilbon! BadgerBadger 10/29/04 gimme some dap MachoBreeze 10/29/04 *tip-toes in* ponky 10/29/04 This fucking thread better not be at the top of my screen fo... zxcvbnm 10/29/04 posting late at night to let it sink some seems like a good ... yada_its_yoda 10/29/04 I think edits should count. zxcvbnm 10/29/04 I disagree. Unknown Poster 10/29/04 V This board has declined 75% 10/29/04 Nice try asshole. Welcome to November. CIGARBOY 11/07/04 hmm []D [] []\/[] []D 11/07/04 I love that this thread was clearly created by a very stoned... CIGARBOY 11/07/04 I claim this thread in the name of the great (Reggie) Bush. Peter_Griffin 11/07/04 AHA! Thought you had, it didn't ya? Penguin 11/07/04 i vote we give this thread a proper burial at sea. HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/07/04 so close Penguin 11/07/04 Yep, very good try. The Meanest Fish 11/07/04 No way. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 11/07/04 Douchebags. RedScalitookie7 11/07/04 This is 500K worth of dumb. JohnTheJanitor 11/07/04 i agree Howard Stern 11/07/04 lick my butt and suck on my balls CIGARBOY 11/07/04 I forgot about this thread. Extreme Fajitas 11/07/04 Your shitty-ass memory will not allow you to be victorious, ... CIGARBOY 11/07/04 Then perhaps my knack for quickly coming up with haikus wi... Extreme Fajitas 11/07/04 I finally won something! I've never won anything before now... ............. 11/07/04 Post below to show that you think I pwned you 3 times. Penguin 11/08/04 I don't think you owned me, but you can if you want! nirvanayoda 11/08/04 It's me. I just know it's me!! nurseratchet 11/08/04 I heart this thread. Eat it nurse bitchass. HomerJSimpson 11/08/04 Is this threas still around? samhornalito 11/08/04 ... RUSKIE PWNS YOU 10/14/05 Lick my balls bitches. DarkGlobe 11/16/04 ... SmackYosh 11/20/04 Shackleton is quality. Shackleton 11/20/04 Apparently not quality enough, bitch. Shackleton 11/22/04 I am Sam. ¶etro 11/20/04 blast! thwarted again! Shackleton 11/20/04 I am Sam. ¶etro 11/20/04 Check this out Blue Duck 11/20/04 HERE Blue Duck 11/20/04 WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND! WBA 11/20/04 No one from Penn will win this...i declare it so! nirvanayoda 11/22/04 ... slick 11/22/04 You shall not pass! nirvanayoda 11/22/04 ... slick 11/22/04 I win superiorlobe 11/22/04 Congrats. samhornalito 11/22/04 You win nothing, you didn't even get into law school, fucker... FVCK YOU PAY ME 12/08/05 This thread is depresssing. Hundreds and hundreds of nonwin... Penguin 11/22/04 DING! MachoBreeze 11/22/04 Will you at least buy your next car from Eastern Motors? Shackleton 11/22/04 no because this suckitude is all eastern motors' fault MachoBreeze 11/22/04 That bastard. samhornalito 11/22/04 ho hum. I win again. superiorlobe 11/23/04 ... slick 11/23/04 HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Blue Duck 11/26/04 No one wanted in on this action?? Blue Duck 11/26/04 w00t Penguin 11/26/04 Unwieldly bitch to load. This board has declined 75% 11/26/04 ... Penguin 11/26/04 ... Penguin 11/26/04 nyar Timothy Smith 11/26/04 PWN3D h4ck3d 4cc0un7 11/26/04 cunnus Skella_Theo 11/26/04 ... Skella_Theo 11/26/04 ... Skella_Theo 11/26/04 I will win this. nirvanayoda 11/26/04 Berkeley is full of bitches Blah blah 11/26/04 and ugly hoes ¿the chameleon? 11/26/04 what's the prize anyway? nothing. i told you bastards to ... immaculolli 11/26/04 Bringing it in to December! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/05/04 I bring jean shorts to this thread 43 Fu.2d at 1121 12/05/04 500 unbearablevanity 12/05/04 503. By the way, I just got 3 tickets to the Rose Bowl, I ho... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/08/04 501K, bitches. CIGARBOY 12/08/04 I own this thread Peter_Griffin 12/08/04 yoink! SlapJohnson 12/08/04 *pulls rug out* Peter_Griffin 12/08/04 Purdue's going undefeated, bitches. CIGARBOY 12/08/04 *high five* Peter_Griffin 12/08/04 Cleveland rocks! 2kie 12/09/04 OOOOOOOOOOHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOO Wheeeee 12/09/04 did you really think I'd stay up till 5:30 and still let you... 2kie 12/09/04 nope The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/09/04 uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 2kie 12/09/04 Gotcha. Brennananon 12/09/04 nope Peter_Griffin 12/09/04 Seriously don't post after me... 2kie 12/12/04 weird, I just searched to bump this at the same exact time y... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/12/04 Takes the lead The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/12/04 Me! Me! NU2006 12/12/04 What is the ideal time to hit this thing? Are you guys on... 2kie 12/12/04 Nope. Peter_Griffin 12/12/04 So much for being on top. Guess I'll leave that up to Fis... * mandy * 12/12/04 Get off my boyfriend, bitch! Penguin 01/01/05 slut Penguin 10/09/05 Thank you very much. kaprof 12/13/04 King of the Pathetic. more cowbell 12/13/04 not at all The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/13/04 since this is an open account, can we agree just to leave me... Steelbone 12/14/04 I call truce. This is an unwinnable war. Let's just end it... ¶etro 12/15/04 what are your terms of surrender? you must give me the Ruhr. Euphronius 12/15/04 Never Say Die DarkGlobe 12/21/04 hmmm...the 4 PM bump...unconventional, but maybe that's exac... 2kie 12/21/04 No, I won 99999999 12/21/04 Victory from the jaws of defeat. the 12/22/04 This baby's heading into the new year! AWinkle 12/22/04 a boy can dream. Thersites 12/22/04 I'm a Wario... I'm a gonna ween! Doc Lewis 12/24/04 You can now stop posting on this ridiculous thread Merry ... immaculolli 12/25/04 Merry Christmas nirvanayoda 12/25/04 happy new year mother fuckers. yet again, you snooze you los... MachoBreeze 01/01/05 ... God is a concept by which we measure our pain 01/01/05 Change of rules: Any posters beyond this point will be autom... shark 01/02/05 Change of rules: Any posters above this point will be automa... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/02/05 Is this thing still going? Unknown Poster 01/03/05 I guess Columbia JD 01/03/05 ... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/15/05 bung chala chala chala dee dee dee EL171ST W4SP 174 01/15/05 ... Peter_Griffin 01/15/05 burp Meatsicle 01/15/05 This thread has a habit of getting bumped late night. Mike Evans 01/15/05 Indeed EL171ST W4SP 174 01/16/05 I haven't felt like a winner in a while. Extreme Fajitas 01/16/05 And you won't start today. Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 01/16/05 Predictions on when this will reach 1,000 posts? The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/18/05 SHUT THE FUCK UP FAG1 The Ghost of Tookie Williams 07/02/05 Soon. samhornalito 01/18/05 How soon? The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/18/05 wednesday? C |-| |_| C |< | S 01/18/05 ... :D 01/18/05 Booger. cambridge 01/18/05 I've managed to resist this thing for months, but I have no ... Rowan 01/18/05 and you didn't even win. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/18/05 :( Rowan 01/18/05 still no cigar. HomerJSimpson 01/18/05 Bump The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/19/05 Purdue should go undefeated! Peter_Griffin 01/19/05 You all suck big, FAT cock. The JCM Volta 01/19/05 *crickets* *crickets* New Poster 01/20/05 BRIAN DAWKINS! MachoBreeze 01/23/05 Already been broughtin. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 01/23/05 *smiles sweetly* The JCM Volta 01/23/05 It aint over yet. Mikhail Strogoff 01/23/05 You've got that right. Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 01/23/05 #1 howarddeansghost 01/25/05 Do you want fries with that? schnitzel deluxe ∀ 01/25/05 I WON FUCKERS! YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 You really are an idiot. The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 Are you really are the meanest fish. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 Wow, this thread may just reach 1000 posts... The JCM Volta 01/31/05 Slowly but surely. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 This thread says a lot about the toolishness of legal cultur... The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 Youre quite bitchy tonite. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 I'll give you that. The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 Word. YOUREANIDIOT 01/31/05 See, now that's just rude. The Meanest Fish 01/31/05 I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the foo... I'm counting numbers 02/03/05 fag Peter_Griffin 02/03/05 slut. schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 hinter striped. plucot 02/03/05 thought you left? schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the foo... I KNOW WHO YOU ARE 02/03/05 If anyone else posts, this thread will self destruct. nirvanayoda 02/03/05 I just read about Ashlee in us weekly. Those guys at the foo... I KNOW WHO YOU ARE 02/03/05 I won! I won! The JCM Volta 02/03/05 597! Fuck Yeah! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/03/05 leave it to a major U.K. department to write me on Monday to... Prof. Evan-2000 (ethics, aesthetics) 02/03/05 599! Fuck Yeah! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/03/05 600! Fuck Yeah! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/03/05 601! Fuck Yeah! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/03/05 FUCK YEAH! schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 poo. i win. Extreme Fajitas 02/03/05 fuck, no! schnitzel deluxe ∀ 02/03/05 Bump The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/09/05 Looks like I win. Great Teacher Onizuka 02/09/05 victory is fleeting. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/09/05 you should know CompleteFailure 02/09/05 Incorrect The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/16/05 I win! I win! WBA 02/23/05 Wow. The coward thread has surpassed this one. Oh, and I ... Skella_Theo 02/23/05 Damn you, Skeletor! WBA 02/23/05 It's ovah! Macanudo 02/23/05 *gouges macanudo's eyes out* MachoBreeze 02/23/05 Peace out biatches.... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/23/05 This thread should declare war on the Madame Cunt thread. Peter_Griffin 02/23/05 No worries, this thread will win in the end, there is no dou... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/23/05 You blew your load too soon. Peter_Griffin 02/23/05 ... lce 02/26/05 fag The Ghost of Tookie Williams 02/26/05 ... MC Paul Barman 03/01/05 no chance Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 Oooohhhh... I want to win! angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 No ones going to let you win. HTH. The Meanest Fish 03/01/05 No, really... I win! I always win ;) angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 False Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 No, really... I win! angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 Second place is the first loser. Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 I am not second place. I'm number 1! angeleyesbfh 03/01/05 ... Peter_Griffin 03/01/05 The next person who posts is admitting that they suck. CompleteFailure 03/01/05 Hi. The Meanest Fish 03/01/05 Meh, I've already tried the last person who posts will get f... Penguin 03/14/05 Oh, I'm sorry - this thread is still funny? Skella_Theo 03/01/05 Not really...but oh well. New Poster 03/01/05 Actually its tragic. It demonstrates exactly what is wrong ... The Meanest Fish 03/01/05 Bump My .44 make sho' all you trolls don't grow 03/07/05 Next person to lose in this thread wins! JohnTheJanitor 03/07/05 I lose. Highpockets 03/11/05 GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... Penguin 03/14/05 smack MachoBreeze 03/14/05 die thhhhhhucker (in Daffy Duck voice) Penguin 03/14/05 Prestigious. New Poster 03/21/05 . hotguy 03/21/05 . hotguy 03/21/05 453453 hotguy 03/21/05 1344314455354 hotguy 03/21/05 3454544435543 hotguy 03/21/05 51454435454545 hotguy 03/21/05 45415551514153 hotguy 03/21/05 43541515354 hotguy 03/21/05 13414335154 hotguy 03/21/05 545451454514 hotguy 03/21/05 53535 hotguy 03/21/05 34135153554 hotguy 03/21/05 1355153513554 hotguy 03/21/05 5415354553154 hotguy 03/21/05 45155335 hotguy 03/21/05 513513513 hotguy 03/21/05 5151355541 hotguy 03/21/05 13451353513135 hotguy 03/21/05 431413434334 hotguy 03/21/05 355385373758 hotguy 03/21/05 99878978978964 hotguy 03/21/05 6396369693693697 hotguy 03/21/05 You should have done all prime numbers. New Poster 03/21/05 It's important to move beyond this. JohnTheJanitor 03/21/05 I'll give 10 bucks to the next person who doesn't respond to... RedScalitookie7 03/21/05 Hi. im_blue 03/21/05 I'm glad this thread is still around. samhornalito 03/21/05 suckers boboshabobo 03/24/05 Incredible how many foolish victims this thread has claimed.... Walker, Texas Ranger 03/24/05 what if everyone who posts after you dies? Renada Deshada 03/24/05 The next person who responds is a fag. Wolfowitz 03/24/05 I'm a fag! JohnTheJanitor 03/24/05 So am I! JohnTheJanitor 03/27/05 Seriously, Rach said that this thread is taking up too much ... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 03/27/05 Ok- I win! The JCM Volta 03/27/05 nipples Extreme Fajitas 03/27/05 THEN WHY ARE YOU POSTING ON IT FOO? BITCH 04/05/05 I traveled 100 years into the future and posted in this thre... Loser-Fuckles 03/27/05 What Is Contra Dancing? Contra Dancing is a form o... Contra Fan 03/29/05 respond. JohnTheJanitor 04/02/05 I WIN I ALWAYS WIN LOSER_FUCKERS HOCHZEITS game face ANON 04/02/05 If you say so. JohnTheJanitor 04/02/05 FUK. EXACTLY YOU! HOCHZEITS game face ANON 04/02/05 It's ovah! Macanudo 04/05/05 send me my money JohnTheJanitor 04/05/05 I haven't won in a while... UNTIL NOW! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 04/09/05 absolvo te. schnitzel deluxe ∀ 04/09/05 i win Rachael Ray 04/09/05 nope bmud 04/09/05 No, I win. LawJerk 04/09/05 Champ again. Peter_Griffin 04/09/05 EAT BANDWITH COMMIE BASTARDS BITCH 04/09/05 whorebags and assmouths... i'm a winner. AmericanConsumer 04/11/05 false. Peter_Griffin 04/11/05 congrats. you just "almost" won. JohnTheJanitor 04/14/05 <wack> DoctorSwishy 04/14/05 "Ass-hattery shall nay be rewarded in heaven" H... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 04/14/05 1 year! :D 04/20/05 Fuck you all. New Poster 04/23/05 Good to be back on top. Peter_Griffin 04/23/05 This computer almost had a seizure trying to load this threa... The JCM Volta 04/23/05 ZOINK! Peter_Griffin 04/23/05 *bonk* The JCM Volta 04/23/05 Bush Encounters Hurdles on Energy Agenda 1 hour, 5 minute... JudgeDredd 04/23/05 you all suck eltonbrand 05/12/05 It's ovah! Macanudo 05/12/05 FUCK YOU I WIN HAHAHAHAHA Pedicabo Vos 05/12/05 Ahh..sweet victory. eltonbrand 05/12/05 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Pedicabo Vos 05/12/05 On this thread, everyone's a winner! YAY!!!! Pedicabo Vos 05/12/05 except you. eltonbrand 05/12/05 Heyyyy-Ooooooooooooooooooo. Mike Evans 05/14/05 I will QWN you all!! Gnophie 05/14/05 Last person to respond to this thread wins... Kirk 05/14/05 what a stupid thread SonicYouth 05/14/05 It is asymptotic towards infinity. The beast will live for e... bay of arizona 05/14/05 d WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 05/23/05 *tip-toes* Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 05/23/05 *farts audibly* Self-Portrait in a Convex Crapturd 05/23/05 *passes out* CIGARBOY 05/23/05 Author: Rear_Admiral_Darth_Butt_Monkey (what becomes of the ... LawJerk 05/23/05 more feces MachoBreeze 05/23/05 Fucking gunner douches... The Meanest Fish 05/27/05 you stealthy fag PennPlease 05/27/05 ., LawJerk 06/02/05 boo radley! felicia 06/02/05 I win! I win! Great Teacher Onizuka 06/02/05 In a standard comic book dystopian near-future Americans are... JudgeDredd 06/02/05 Never trust someone with an aol email address. The Meanest Fish 06/03/05 loser. RaoulDuke 06/03/05 Hey guy! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 06/03/05 Raps. Rapscallion 06/03/05 Can't you just let this thread die instead of bumping it lik... The Meanest Fish 06/04/05 #1 in Asia. JudgeDredd 06/09/05 I love nipples. Calm 06/09/05 who doesn't? JudgeDredd 06/09/05 GONZALEZ V. RAICH Without ME, it's just AWESO 06/09/05 this is all very interesting... JudgeDredd 06/09/05 this thread shall host the 3 millionth post MC Paul Barman 06/16/05 At the same time your cuntbag of a mother hosts her 3 millio... plucot 06/16/05 . The Ghost of Tookie Williams 06/16/05 Check out this awesome blog! Calm 06/17/05 what the fuck do i win? Patent Law 06/17/05 hth Rapscallion 06/17/05 nice ressurection the day this thread reaches 1000, i wil... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 06/17/05 Shiteaters. LawJerk 06/17/05 hope nobody with dialup tries to open this jakki 06/17/05 no shit, that would take forever just to see a shitty thread Patent Law 06/17/05 how will we know who wins? Won't we all be dead? shyster 06/17/05 Shut up, bitch. LawJerk 06/17/05 I am surprised you can operate a computer. Calm 06/17/05 You're the awkward shiteater. LawJerk 06/17/05 if no one wins, i win by default: SO IT IS WRITTEN...AND ... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 06/17/05 sneaky sneaky I win you lose Penguin 07/02/05 nice one MediumFries 07/02/05 I WIN Penguin 07/02/05 you are a worth adversary MediumFries 07/02/05 I win I win I win I win I win I win I win I win I win I win ... Penguin 07/02/05 SHOW ME THA MONEY! Sara.K 06/17/05 WINNER LawJerk 06/18/05 We're all winners JohnTheJanitor 06/18/05 no, me Sara.K 06/18/05 PWN3D LawJerk 06/18/05 oh man not this again. let it die. R A G N U S 06/20/05 ~ R A G N U S 07/16/05 Welcome to July! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 07/01/05 thanks Wheeeee 07/02/05 die Akaky Akakievich 07/02/05 Morning. Great Teacher Onizuka 07/02/05 I AM A REFRIGERATOR!!!! I HAVE WON!!!! ALL WHO ATTEMPT... IAMAREFRIGERATOR 07/02/05 Crestfallen, the water buffalo gazes longingly at his now sl... Rapscallion 07/02/05 :D rules Penguin 07/05/05 me? need to change 07/05/05 me PuppiesandCandy 07/05/05 Nope. beanie boy 07/05/05 No. Peter_Griffin 07/05/05 I will win this! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 07/06/05 I will win. Godshit 07/16/05 Every time I open this thread, it nearly crashes my browser. WBA 07/16/05 your computer is clearly a TTT MachoBreeze 07/16/05 i agree Godshit 07/16/05 Noted. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 I appreciate the gesture. Godshit 07/16/05 No problem. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 get a room, you two MachoBreeze 07/16/05 Did I ask you whether it was a problem? Godshit 07/16/05 There's no need to be a dick. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 I agree, so why are you being one? Godshit 07/16/05 I'm not. Go stick your wang in a toaster. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 Eat shit and die. Godshit 07/16/05 You first. Loser-Fuckles 07/16/05 No. Godshit 07/16/05 why do people keep responding to this stupid ass thread? DISCREDITOR 07/16/05 i have no clue. Godshit 07/16/05 I do. punkrockgrrrl 07/16/05 me too. | 07/20/05 Insomnia sucks. The Meanest Fish 07/27/05 ha I won cockmaster 07/27/05 Heil the great beagle, ruler of all he surveys loser Penguin 07/27/05 heil the schmeagle cockmaster 07/27/05 You thought you had this... You were mistaken. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 07/28/05 WHAT DO YOU CALL CHIPS THAT ARENT YOURS NACHO CHIPS LOL Pedicabo Vos 07/28/05 ... Skella_Theo 07/30/05 ... Akaky Akakievich 07/30/05 ah God (The Zirra) Manizirra 07/30/05 . RapsBAFFllion 07/30/05 yo soy Whamo 07/30/05 Welcome to August bitches. The Ghost of Tookie Williams 08/06/05 ... Best In Thread Award 08/06/05 greatest. thread. ever. The JCM Volta 08/06/05 Awesome! Colin 08/06/05 ... Wheeeee 08/06/05 yawn Guinness Draught 08/06/05 I almost forgot about this thread. samhornalito 08/06/05 ... Pinko 08/06/05 this is my first time posting in this thread. yay best thing invented since boobs 08/06/05 !!!!!!!!!!! God is a concept by which we measure our pain 08/06/05 why not? jakki 08/06/05 Bitches! LawJerk 08/12/05 sorry, no Cookie Abomination 08/12/05 i just had chinese MachoBreeze 08/12/05 bitches LawJerk 08/17/05 I wish I had thought of this thread fulano 08/17/05 pwn3d LawJerk 08/20/05 holla Falconetti 08/20/05 Victory shall be mine. shiveringjenny 09/01/05 loismustdie@yahoo.com MachoBreeze 09/01/05 Biloxi got ice MoreDoughHi 09/01/05 I thought it was about time I posted in this thread. Chocolate Covered Pretzel 09/01/05 What a great thread. Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 09/01/05 doh! LawJerk 09/01/05 Niggaz Pleez MoreDoughHi 09/01/05 I'm the winner! Sexy Beast 09/01/05 nope PuppiesandCandy 09/04/05 OMG - I win! I win! SexualChocolate 09/04/05 MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Mrs. Earl Riche 09/04/05 i be an retarded Vitookier 09/04/05 so glad i bumped this thread... very prestigious PuppiesandCandy 09/04/05 ... Vitookier 09/04/05 first thread to reach 1000? God is a concept by which we measure our pain 09/04/05 it's been done MachoBreeze 09/14/05 Suckers. Dogshit 09/04/05 we should get KKKatrina to post on this one PuppiesandCandy 09/04/05 ti,oc,tct Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 09/04/05 PEDICABO.VOS.ET.IRRUMABO Pedicabo Vos 09/04/05 I fucking hate my life Penguin 09/09/05 I fucking love your wife. SBToLaw 09/09/05 I'd like to donate my winnings to hurricane relief... howarddeansghost 09/10/05 No way dude, those winnings are MINE! WBA 09/12/05 mine now Rachael Ray 09/12/05 My favorite thread! LawJerk 09/10/05 witty thread ill kid 09/12/05 I win!! bubbletea 09/12/05 This is the most succesful thread ever. Columbia JD 09/12/05 *bows* MachoBreeze 09/14/05 Whoever makes the next post enters into a binding contract t... ButtFace M. 09/14/05 Defense of duress - today seems to be Bump the Classics Day Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 09/15/05 I am the last poster.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 melloo653 09/15/05 Yeeh. Athens 09/17/05 . LawJerk 09/17/05 *steals crown* SBToLaw 09/17/05 Cock. DISCREDITOR 09/17/05 fuck yeah. God is a concept by which we measure our pain 09/17/05 winner LawJerk 09/19/05 Chapter 1 - Marley's Ghost ----------------------------... Walker, Texas Ranger 09/19/05 yeah 007 373 5963 09/19/05 oh no. PUBLISHED 09/19/05 America, Fuck yeah! Lick my ass and suck on my balls. Am... SBToLaw 09/19/05 I want this to break 1000 LawJerk 10/04/05 This thread sucks. egress 10/09/05 BEST IN ASIA****************** IRATECHICKS 10/09/05 This thread is the Harvard of XO. 89.0chicksserved 10/09/05 . LawJerk 10/09/05 Congratulations! You win! BadgerBadger 10/09/05 So I win? Last person 10/09/05 sonofabitch! i lost again! (pretty clever, dude :) ) BadgerBadger 10/09/05 *eats fish* Penguin 10/09/05 when i save this thread as a .html file, it sizes up at 1.25... MachoBreeze 10/09/05 very interesting. but admit it, you just did that so YOU ... BadgerBadger 10/09/05 but I've already won Last person 10/09/05 foolish literalist! you have no chance! BadgerBadger 10/09/05 Too bad xoxo didn't know Scalia likes to post Last person 10/09/05 agreed MachoBreeze 10/09/05 I'm not so sure. Vitookier 10/09/05 blumpkin dickie 10/09/05 ftw! ill kid 10/09/05 . LawJerk 10/10/05 why not support the drive to 1000? 2kie 10/10/05 amen to that~ God is a concept by which we measure our pain 10/10/05 901. 007 373 5963 10/11/05 1000 here we come! JudgeDredd 10/11/05 i WANT THE 1000TH POST LawJerk 10/11/05 Monday monkey lives for the weekend. Chief Justice Claranthohn Breybader Scalito, III 10/11/05 crap, what's that from...scrubs? Extreme Fajitas 10/11/05 Futurama. How do you feel about Mondays? They're ok I gu... Chief Justice Claranthohn Breybader Scalito, III 10/11/05 Is it true that a Playboy Playmate posted here? ...mobiusnu... 10/11/05 You're plainly referring to me. Dogshit 10/11/05 . LawJerk 10/11/05 . LawJerk 10/11/05 910 is a stupid number. However... I like scotch 10/11/05 The Porsche 911 is a famous and distinctive sportscar made b... I like scotch 10/11/05 [913] Andy Rooney 10/11/05 Meg Ryan is the perfect woman Starscream 10/11/05 What a monster of a thread. egress 10/11/05 Gay jackie 10/11/05 my computer just nearly crashed LearnedHand 10/11/05 dot doot doot Edit: holy shit I posted in this thread 6... bmud 10/11/05 daws\on lorbilon 10/11/05 *waddles clumsily across thread* Penguin 10/14/05 Oh no you dinnit! New Poster 10/14/05 *swims gracefully away* Penguin 10/14/05 when will it stop raining? i am going to single handedl... 2kie 10/14/05 ... 2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05
2kie 10/14/05 whew, this is tiring... note to self: post number nine-t... 2kie 10/14/05 The Number 937 937 is a Prime Number. 937 is a Centered 1... 2kie 10/14/05 I win. curious george 10/15/05 WINNER! Pres.-Elect George Allen, R.I.P. 10/21/05 PWn3d! I just won. Rachael Ray 10/21/05 it's right here! MachoBreeze 10/24/05 Awesome! I searched for it, but to no avail. I'm fucking dum... LawJerk 10/24/05 yes, yes you are. MachoBreeze 10/24/05 Fuddrucker's ¶etro 10/24/05 Cmon 1000! LawJerk 11/04/05 BIG FUCKING WINNER, RIGHT HERE. DrewSucksoe 11/04/05 VICTORY! TubaFrog 11/04/05 tag Keep'n It Real 11/05/05 YES. I won. LOLZ^TOOK180 11/05/05 *Mwwwhahahahahaha* Victory shall be mine, oh yes, it shal... VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 Everytime someone loads this thread, it taxes the sites' ban... MadCatDisease 11/05/05 Madcat- do you sleep? :o) VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 shit Patent Law 11/05/05 DAMN YOU ALL!! VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 are you going to stay up forever to win this? Have fun! Patent Law 11/05/05 It's 10.10am here. I'm off to the library now, bitches. ... VelocityGrrrl 11/05/05 Eat it, losers. Dogshit 11/05/05 It's all mine. shyster 11/05/05 not really. thanks for playing. LOLZ^TOOK180 11/05/05 this thread is getting dangeriously close to hitting the 100... HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/05/05 I have rigged it so that when this thread reaches 1,000 post... MadCatDisease 11/05/05 nice HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/05/05 PWNIIID LawJerk 11/05/05 I cannot believe this thread has almost 1000 posts. Easily t... Columbia JD 11/05/05 slowly...slowly... Zoomtard is the fastest!!!! 11/06/05 Let's Get it over 1,000 RBarchetta 11/09/05 i have a good feeling about it this time. Under Cover Gunner 11/09/05 Thats the plan LawJerk 11/09/05 I win!! Gamecock 11/09/05 congratulations. Kwiky 11/09/05 Crappy plan. The Meanest Fish 11/09/05 ... Patent Law 11/09/05 victory! bmud 11/09/05 666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVIL666EVILpeng... Penguin 11/09/05 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749... Extreme Fajitas 11/09/05 There are some comments I need to make regarding this thread... 2kie 11/10/05 The person that posts the 1000th post is the most prestigiou... ButtFace M. 11/10/05 within reach if you want it.... 2kie 11/10/05 I know, but I will not intentionally spam to seek that honor... ButtFace M. 11/10/05 You do know that if you post enough messages you might excee... chiashu® 11/10/05 ahhhhhh yes yes yes yes, most excellent indeed! FeederCell 11/10/05 who knew? LOLZ^TOOK180 11/10/05 This thread will reach 1000 tonight if you make it happen. ... ButtFace M. 11/10/05 984 LawJerk 11/11/05 985 LawJerk 11/11/05 986 LawJerk 11/11/05 987 LawJerk 11/11/05 988 LawJerk 11/11/05 989 LawJerk 11/11/05 990 LawJerk 11/11/05 991 LawJerk 11/11/05 992 LawJerk 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 994 LawJerk 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 1000?! LawJerk 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 1000th post. I am so happy. God is a concept by which we measure our pain 11/11/05 ... Patent Law 11/11/05 1003 always a good number kinda like top 14 HOCHZEITS game face ANON 11/11/05 YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! LawJerk 11/11/05 I win. Anon2890 11/11/05 YOU LOSE. Judge Friendly 11/11/05 Paradox anongradstudent 11/11/05 i Bush Doesn't care about black people 11/12/05 2000, here we come! LawJerk 11/12/05 Winning? AnotherCLS 11/12/05 this thread cements my status as board legend. htfh. MachoBreeze 11/12/05 this thread is fucking retarded. bitter about tuft 11/12/05 yea no shit, it got started on 420 risin 11/12/05 I can see this going on for quite some time... VelocityGrrrl 11/12/05 Last dmferry 11/12/05 One day this thread will destroy the board and then it will ... jackie 11/12/05 Or like a phoenix rising from the ashes. VelocityGrrrl 11/12/05 Ok, I give in. I'll play. Royale with Cheese 11/12/05 but you won't win immaculolli 11/15/05 I WON!!!!!! Nocebos 11/15/05 Wow, I finally won something! Vlad (The Animal) 11/15/05 BAFF for unreads shyster 11/15/05 tag LawJerk 11/18/05 :) ................................................ FeederCell 11/18/05 aha! My first post here. And I'm sure I will win. rasquatookie 11/18/05 I WIN!!! ME ME ME Overt Optimist 11/18/05 q23oy89g239o243 4 LawJerk 11/19/05 sweet JudgeDredd 11/19/05 never forget. Calm 11/19/05 This is it, I can FEEL it. jackie 11/20/05 before i die, i'm gonna read this thing cover to cover. Andy Rooney 11/20/05 I already told you guys to stop trying. samhornalito 11/21/05 nullown3d LawJerk 11/24/05 Not so fast. Mrs. Earl Riche 11/24/05 im winning this for my real doll <3 MachoBreeze 11/24/05 UNO! Mrs. Earl Riche 11/24/05 ... LawJerk 11/25/05 bump for macho's peace of mind LawJerk 11/25/05 I win. tookie monster 11/25/05 Never forget! Big Winner right here ladies. DrewSucksoe 11/30/05 I can't believe you guys are doing this, you're so lame. Oh... farouk 11/30/05 what the fuck is the prize? Patent Law 11/30/05 great question. samhornalito 11/30/05 It's AWESOME! The Ghost of Tookie Williams 11/30/05 This is quite the successful thread. Toilet Bomb 11/30/05 skeet skeet skeet schnitzel deluxe ∀ 12/01/05 ... I stutter a l- l- lot... 12/02/05 Is there any sort of honorable mention for having the last p... Dirty Heel 12/02/05 . Kwiky 12/07/05 Time to bump old threads! anon97865 12/08/05 i WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN asdf1234 12/08/05 MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Whamo 12/08/05 I win. Anon2890 12/08/05 incorrect Singha 12/08/05 Very incorrect Whamo 12/08/05 Hey you cockgobblers! Anon2890 12/08/05 4, 6, 5, 6, 7, 3, 8, 0, 2, 5, 6, 0, 0, 2, 6, 0, 8, 1, 1, 9,... Extreme Fajitas 12/08/05 Stupid pinky*b 12/11/05 marrakesh marrakesh 12/11/05 Happy holidays... By the way, does this thread kill bandwid... The Ghost of Tookie Williams 12/11/05 \ The most prestigious law school admissions discuss... Vitookier 12/11/05 ... Patent Law 12/15/05 ... MachoBreeze 12/18/05 there should have been a time limit or something. best thing invented since boobs 12/18/05 \ The most prestigious law school admissions discuss... rasquatookie 12/19/05 ding Peon 12/19/05
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Date: April 20th, 2004 3:59 PM Author: MachoBreeze
ready, set, go.
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:00 PM Author: DickBandit (Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff)
.
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Date: September 26th, 2004 4:09 AM Author: Howard Stern (Ponky is pregnant with my burrito.)
THIS THREAD IS CLOSED.
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Date: October 2nd, 2004 4:34 PM Author: Extreme Fajitas
reopened.
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Date: June 3rd, 2005 1:21 AM Author: Dan the Man
and reopened again.
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Date: July 28th, 2005 12:20 AM Author: The Ghost of Tookie Williams (UTAdler@gmail.com)
And again...
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Date: October 11th, 2005 5:56 PM Author: Slinky Damsel
You are so cute and sexy. HTH.
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:23 PM Author: Starscream (Megatron ain't got nuthin on ME!!!)
Meg Ryan is the perfect woman
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:00 PM Author: Dr. Anthony T Kronman
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:23 PM Author: Starscream (Megatron ain't got nuthin on ME!!!)
Meg Ryan is the perfect woman
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:01 PM Author: sexybeast (i heart milkncookies)
(*)(*)
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:03 PM Author: DickBandit (Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff)
.
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Date: May 18th, 2004 7:36 PM Author: The Ghost of Tookie Williams
No, I win
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:44 AM Author: One Subject:
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Date: September 5th, 2004 12:52 AM Author: One
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Date: January 18th, 2005 1:46 PM Author: The Ghost of Tookie Williams (1-800-683-8383. The call is free. The advice is priceless.)
hmm
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Date: October 11th, 2005 10:22 PM Author: Starscream (Megatron ain't got nuthin on ME!!!)
Meg Ryan is the perfect woman
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Date: November 21st, 2005 9:34 AM Author: TTTthemovie (When I talk to librarians, y'know I'm thinkin' about bangin' em)
THE WINNER!!!!! for the next ten seconds
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Date: December 11th, 2005 11:05 AM Author: Schtick Quattro (xoxolonestar@gmail.com)
hi
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:04 PM Author: Dr. Anthony T Kronman
^
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:05 PM Author: rambler
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:06 PM Author: Poetic dreamer (Whether Beauty be found in mathematics or a flower)
How will you announce the winner without becoming the winner yourself ?
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Date: April 20th, 2004 4:07 PM Author: Rear_Admiral_Darth_Butt_Monkey (what becomes of the borken hearted?)
A few years ago, while browsing around the library downtown, I had to take a piss. As I entered the john a big beautiful all-american football hero type, about twenty-five, came out of one of the booths. I stood at the urinal looking at him out of the corner of my eye as he washed his hands. He didn't once look at me. He was "straight" and married -- and in any case I was sure I wouldn't have a chance with him.
As soon as he left I darted into the booth he'd vacated, hoping there might be a lingering smell of shit and even a seat still warm from his sturdy young ass. I found not only the smell but the shit itself. He'd forgotten to flush. And what a treasure he had left behind. Three or four beautiful specimens floated in the bowl. It apparently had been a fairly dry, constipated shit, for all were fat, stiff, and ruggedly textured.
The real prize was a great feast of turd -- a nine inch gastrointestinal triumph as thick as a man's wrist.
I knelt before the bowl, inhaling the rich brown fragrance and wondered if I should obey the impulse building up inside me. I'd always been a heavy rimmer and had lapped up more than one little clump of shit, but that had been just an inevitable part of eating ass and not an end in itself. Of course I'd had jerk-off fantasies of devouring great loads of it (what rimmer hasn't), but I had never done it. Now, here I was, confronted with the most beautiful five-pound turd I'd ever feasted my eyes on, a sausage fit to star in any fantasy and one I knew to have been hatched from the asshole of the world's handsomest young stud.
Why not? I plucked it from the bowl, holding it with both hands to keep it from breaking. I lifted it to my nose. It smelled like rich, ripe limburger (horrid, but thrilling), yet had the consistency of cheddar. What is cheese anyway but milk turning to shit without the benefit of a digestive tract? I gave it a lick and found that it tasted better then it smelled. I've found since then that shit nearly almost does.
I hesitated no longer. I shoved the fucking thing as far into my mouth as I could get it and sucked on it like a big brown cock, beating my meat like a madman. I wanted to completely engulf it and bit off a large chunk, flooding my mouth with the intense, bittersweet flavor. To my delight I found that while the water in the bowl had chilled the outside of the turd, it was still warm inside. As I chewed I discovered that it was filled with hard little bits of something I soon identified as peanuts. He hadn't chewed them carefully and they'd passed through his body virtually unchanged. I ate it greedily, sending lump after peanutty lump sliding scratchily down my throat. My only regret was the donor of this feast wasn't there to wash it down with his piss.
I soon reached a terrific climax. I caught my cum in the cupped palm of my hand and drank it down. Believe me, there is no more delightful combination of flavors than the hot sweetness of cum with the rich bitterness of shit.
Afterwards I was sorry that I hadn't made it last longer. But then I realized that I still had a lot of fun in store for me. There was still a clutch of virile turds left in the bowl. I tenderly fished them out, rolled them into my hankerchief, and stashed them in my briefcase. In the week to come I found all kinds of ways to eat the shit without bolting it right down. Once eaten it's gone forever unless you want to filch it third hand out of your own asshole. Not an unreasonable recourse in moments of desperation or simple boredom. I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing, letting it slowly dissolve. I had liquid shit trickling down my throat for nearly four hours. I must have had six orgasms in the process.
I often think of that lovely young guy dropping solid gold out of his sweet, pink asshole every day, never knowing what joy it could, and at least once did, bring to a grateful shiteater.
(Last person to respond to this thread wins)
Reply
Date: April 21st, 2004 12:27 PM Author: MachoBreeze
i win
(Last person to respond to this thread wins)
Reply
Date: April 21st, 2004 12:28 PM Author: WBA
No, you lose.
(Last person to respond to this thread wins)
Reply
Date: April 21st, 2004 12:28 PM Author: beanie boy
I win!
edit: Damn!
(Last person to respond to this thread wins)
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:29 PM Author: Shoeless Joe
i have defeated you.
(Last person to respond to this thread wins)
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Date: April 21st, 2004 12:31 PM Author: APP |
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Date: December 19th, 2005 5:44 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus Is this thing still around? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4606541) |
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Date: December 19th, 2005 5:48 AM Author: autistic soggy I'm not sure that I have posted on this yet. So here. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4606548) |
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Date: December 19th, 2005 6:09 AM Author: I'm finally throwing my hat into the ring. My flawless victory is amazing considering that I've ignored the thread up to this point.
It sure feels good to be the UNDISPUTED LAST POSTER IN THIS THREAD. |
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Date: December 20th, 2005 8:24 PM Author: anal Bigger CUM load for that next Bukkake Session?
You can take any number of aphrodisacs to enhance libido and any number of drugs such as Viagra to maintain longer hard errections but what about increasing your CUM load for that next Bukkake or CUM Facial?
When you take such herbal supplements as amino acids or other natural sexual aids, your body can produce more ejaculate fluid, which increases the strength of your orgasms. Also, strengthening your pc muscle can greatly increase the force with which the ejaculate leaves your penis, making orgasms very intense. Having a larger amount of ejaculate pass through the penis during an orgasm can prolong coitus (orgasm experience). The pumping sensation of an orgasm, of the semen and ejaculate fluids being pushed out through the ejaculatory ducts.
When you ejaculate, your penis pumps semen and ejaculate, which many men and women find pleasurable. When you increase sperm volume, the pleasurable pumping feeling lasts longer, and also increases your pleasure. During intercourse extended pumping and orgasm pleasure improves the experience for both partners.
You can increase sperm volume mainly through two methods, taking herbal supplements such as amino acids, and the pc exercise. Suggested amino acids and herbal supplements are:
L-Arginine HCL - Studies suggest that L-Arginine can improve fertility and motility as well as double sperm quantity within 2 weeks. L-Lysine -Works with zinc to produce more sperm. Epimedium Sagittatum - Studies show boosts libido and increases you testosterone levels. Muira Pauma - Aphrodisiac that improves genital health. Zinc Oxide 80% - Improves the quality of sperm in men. L-Carnitine - Increases sperm quantity and quality. Catuaba Bark - Brazilian herb that enlivens the libido. Pumpkin Seed - Proven to increase prostate health. Tribulus Terestris - Helps with impotence in men and can also help with solving infertility. Avena Sativa Extract - Much like Viagra it is designed to increase the male arousal state. |
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Date: December 22nd, 2005 2:49 AM Author: crusty That's a tough act to follow but somebody's got to do it... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4637118) |
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Date: December 26th, 2005 4:43 PM Author: beta zippy I WIN! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4667664) |
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Date: December 26th, 2005 9:46 PM Author: Striped hyena . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4669730) |
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Date: December 26th, 2005 9:53 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig >? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4669763) |
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Date: December 26th, 2005 9:54 PM Author: Apoplectic Any posts below are losing. I'm the king. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4669774) |
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Date: December 26th, 2005 10:12 PM Author: green main people area pwn3d (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4669899) |
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Date: December 26th, 2005 10:14 PM Author: rambunctious . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4669907) |
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Date: December 26th, 2005 10:34 PM Author: Misunderstood coldplay fan me me me me me (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4670033) |
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Date: December 26th, 2005 10:39 PM Author: honey-headed electric furnace parlor pwnage. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4670086) |
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Date: December 27th, 2005 5:28 PM Author: Check it out, bitches (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4675219) |
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Date: January 2nd, 2006 1:25 AM Author: lemon New Year bump. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4710820) |
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Date: January 11th, 2006 4:34 PM Author: mentally impaired Game over. I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4790753) |
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Date: January 16th, 2006 10:18 PM Author: Splenetic Stirring Piazza Hominid 8=====PENIS LOL=====D (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4836291) |
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Date: January 16th, 2006 10:21 PM Author: bat shit crazy mother stage It's ovah! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4836315) |
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Date: January 16th, 2006 11:24 PM Author: so how many years will this thread survive? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4836891) |
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Date: January 16th, 2006 11:26 PM Author: I might just write a program to post something every day until enough people capitulate the title to me.
On the other hand, GTO can easily win this. |
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Date: January 18th, 2006 4:35 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig this thread is too fucking big and bloated (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4850221) |
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Date: January 23rd, 2006 2:52 AM Author: Plum Indecent Gaming Laptop winner? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4890014) |
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Date: January 23rd, 2006 3:22 AM Author: Buff Submissive Kitchen Depressive W1NT3RPWN3D! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4890149) |
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Date: January 23rd, 2006 3:26 AM Author: I AM A NIGGER. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4890154) |
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Date: January 23rd, 2006 3:44 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig dfsfdafddafaf (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4890235) |
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Date: January 25th, 2006 5:09 PM Author: irradiated mood It's me! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4906613) |
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Date: January 25th, 2006 5:10 PM Author: Holla (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4906619) |
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Date: January 25th, 2006 5:13 PM Author: shaky xoxo is dead.
LONG LIVE XOXO! |
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Date: January 25th, 2006 5:17 PM Author: Solo quiero escribir que yo pense que mi thread era lo mas largo en este sito pero ahora veo que alguien me gano. Pero, tambien me muestra que un monton de estudiantes de ley visitan este lugar y este me da esperanza que muchos leyerons mis posts. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4906634) |
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Date: January 25th, 2006 5:32 PM Author: WOOOOT (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4906640) |
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Date: January 25th, 2006 6:12 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig ? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4906879) |
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Date: January 25th, 2006 6:18 PM Author: Its amazing how this thread never gets old (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4906917) |
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Date: January 25th, 2006 7:14 PM Author: mischievous I am going to provide a bj to every person that has posted on this thread! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4907327) |
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Date: January 25th, 2006 7:19 PM Author: Shivering This bloated thread caused the crash. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#4907353) |
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Date: February 8th, 2006 2:05 AM Author: I met Death today. We are playing chess. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5026728) |
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Date: February 8th, 2006 2:25 AM Author: Haunting I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5026820) |
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Date: February 8th, 2006 3:39 AM Author: <h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3> 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v<h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3><h3&g |
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Date: February 8th, 2006 7:46 AM Author: vibrant generalized bond parlour 1111! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5027213) |
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Date: February 8th, 2006 9:19 AM Author: Coiffed immigrant 1112 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5027298) |
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Date: February 8th, 2006 9:21 AM Author: i wanna shot at the big time. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5027304) |
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Date: February 8th, 2006 9:22 AM Author: Coiffed immigrant Nigga please. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5027308) |
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Date: February 8th, 2006 9:26 AM Author: *blushes* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5027318) |
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Date: February 8th, 2006 9:37 AM Author: Coiffed immigrant Shit. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5027354) |
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Date: February 9th, 2006 5:03 PM Author: Biggest thread on XOXO by far? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5040514) |
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Date: February 9th, 2006 5:04 PM Author: Naw. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5040527) |
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Date: February 9th, 2006 5:06 PM Author: Obese Mexican whores in Walmart. We've all had to suffer their presence at some point. They waddle down the absolute middle of aisles, blocking movement with their oversized rumps, oblivious to the unstated rules governing shopping cart traffic. Say nothing, and they will ignore your obvious nonverbal cues requesting the right of passage. Politely asking them to move results in a hostile glare as they slowly hobble to the edge of the aisle, the foul odor of their hirsute cooches wafting through the air.
They are often accompanied by Little Mexicans. Unfortunately, the misdeeds of these hellspawn oft go ignored as the paunchy Latinas saunter through the store with vacant, lifeless stares, tacit realizations of the fact that their existences are something less than human.
I have a fantasy, perverse but not sexual in nature. It stems from the observation that these foul beasts pay little attention to where they are going. Were I to display the same nonchalance in my own movement patterns, my cart would collide with these vile medusas multiple times each week.
In my fantasy, I do not pay attention. Instead, I plan my shopping route so that I cross paths with the target multiple times. When she looks away, I quickly move my cart into her path, brace myself against it, and casually scan the products on a nearby shelf. With any luck, the kinetic energy from colliding with a stationary object will jam the crossbar of her cart into the one weak point of an obese Mexican: the unprotected seam between her corpulent gut and sagging breasts.
In my fantasy, she cracks a rib. In reality, I will be satisfied if my first attempt causes moderate pain. With any luck though, practice will make perfect.
Of course, I will apologize profusely, followed by a coy remark that I should pay more attention to my surroundings. However, the truth will always evoke my amusement, and hopefully yours as well.
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Date: February 11th, 2006 2:13 AM Author: DING! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5054940) |
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Date: February 17th, 2006 8:45 AM Author: Magenta bang. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5111026) |
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Date: February 17th, 2006 8:51 AM Author: Coiffed immigrant Scuk it, fag. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5111040) |
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Date: February 17th, 2006 9:12 AM Author: i win! i win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5111098) |
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Date: February 17th, 2006 9:13 AM Author: Why would anyone post on this thread? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5111103) |
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Date: February 17th, 2006 9:25 AM Author: monkeys. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5111155) |
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Date: February 18th, 2006 7:49 PM Author: Striped hyena bitches (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5125176) |
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Date: February 18th, 2006 8:23 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Yo... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5125383) |
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Date: February 18th, 2006 8:40 PM Author: How will this thread end? A) The world is destroyed B) The Internet is Destoryed C) This site is shut down by the authorities (including a new fascist government etc.) D) The admins remove this thread E) You accept my post as the last and here is why:
The time stamp on this reflects the "time" I am posting in this thread in your time. However, I am posting from merely pico-seconds before one of A-D occurs and using time travel to make this posting now. You may post after this, but I have already won. |
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Date: February 19th, 2006 1:05 AM Author: I win! I win! bwahahahahahahahaha (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5128141) |
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Date: February 19th, 2006 1:28 AM Author: Striped hyena you lose feghs (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5128326) |
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Date: February 19th, 2006 1:40 AM Author: It took so long to load, I might as well post. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5128434) |
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Date: February 19th, 2006 1:42 AM Author: Well-lubricated flickering candlestick maker same. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5128450) |
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Date: February 19th, 2006 1:42 AM Author: the next person to post on this is a piece of shit inbred cracker. good luck at your ttt you pathetic piece of shit. i pwn your family at life. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5128451) |
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Date: February 19th, 2006 1:44 AM Author: Striped hyena ! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5128467) |
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Date: February 19th, 2006 10:02 AM Author: Lascivious Jade Space Organic Girlfriend (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5129782) |
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Date: February 19th, 2006 10:10 AM Author: This does take a long time to load. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5129788) |
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Date: February 19th, 2006 10:24 AM Author: Eventually, those on 56K will be culled out of the running, followed by DSL, leaving only those with true broadband to compete for the prize. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5129797) |
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Date: February 24th, 2006 5:43 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus Almost 5 days since somebody's bumped you? For shame. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5172221) |
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Date: February 24th, 2006 10:06 PM Author: How you have felt, O men of Athens, at hearing the speeches of my accusers, I cannot tell; but I know that their persuasive words almost made me forget who I was - such was the effect of them; and yet they have hardly spoken a word of truth. But many as their falsehoods were, there was one of them which quite amazed me; - I mean when they told you to be upon your guard, and not to let yourselves be deceived by the force of my eloquence. They ought to have been ashamed of saying this, because they were sure to be detected as soon as I opened my lips and displayed my deficiency; they certainly did appear to be most shameless in saying this, unless by the force of eloquence they mean the force of truth; for then I do indeed admit that I am eloquent. But in how different a way from theirs! Well, as I was saying, they have hardly uttered a word, or not more than a word, of truth; but you shall hear from me the whole truth: not, however, delivered after their manner, in a set oration duly ornamented with words and phrases. No indeed! but I shall use the words and arguments which occur to me at the moment; for I am certain that this is right, and that at my time of life I ought not to be appearing before you, O men of Athens, in the character of a juvenile orator - let no one expect this of me. And I must beg of you to grant me one favor, which is this - If you hear me using the same words in my defence which I have been in the habit of using, and which most of you may have heard in the agora, and at the tables of the money-changers, or anywhere else, I would ask you not to be surprised at this, and not to interrupt me. For I am more than seventy years of age, and this is the first time that I have ever appeared in a court of law, and I am quite a stranger to the ways of the place; and therefore I would have you regard me as if I were really a stranger, whom you would excuse if he spoke in his native tongue, and after the fashion of his country; - that I think is not an unfair request. Never mind the manner, which may or may not be good; but think only of the justice of my cause, and give heed to that: let the judge decide justly and the speaker speak truly.
And first, I have to reply to the older charges and to my first accusers, and then I will go to the later ones. For I have had many accusers, who accused me of old, and their false charges have continued during many years; and I am more afraid of them than of Anytus and his associates, who are dangerous, too, in their own way. But far more dangerous are these, who began when you were children, and took possession of your minds with their falsehoods, telling of one Socrates, a wise man, who speculated about the heaven above, and searched into the earth beneath, and made the worse appear the better cause. These are the accusers whom I dread; for they are the circulators of this rumor, and their hearers are too apt to fancy that speculators of this sort do not believe in the gods. And they are many, and their charges against me are of ancient date, and they made them in days when you were impressible - in childhood, or perhaps in youth - and the cause when heard went by default, for there was none to answer. And, hardest of all, their names I do not know and cannot tell; unless in the chance of a comic poet. But the main body of these slanderers who from envy and malice have wrought upon you - and there are some of them who are convinced themselves, and impart their convictions to others - all these, I say, are most difficult to deal with; for I cannot have them up here, and examine them, and therefore I must simply fight with shadows in my own defence, and examine when there is no one who answers. I will ask you then to assume with me, as I was saying, that my opponents are of two kinds - one recent, the other ancient; and I hope that you will see the propriety of my answering the latter first, for these accusations you heard long before the others, and much oftener.
Well, then, I will make my defence, and I will endeavor in the short time which is allowed to do away with this evil opinion of me which you have held for such a long time; and I hope I may succeed, if this be well for you and me, and that my words may find favor with you. But I know that to accomplish this is not easy - I quite see the nature of the task. Let the event be as God wills: in obedience to the law I make my defence.
I will begin at the beginning, and ask what the accusation is which has given rise to this slander of me, and which has encouraged Meletus to proceed against me. What do the slanderers say? They shall be my prosecutors, and I will sum up their words in an affidavit. "Socrates is an evil-doer, and a curious person, who searches into things under the earth and in heaven, and he makes the worse appear the better cause; and he teaches the aforesaid doctrines to others." That is the nature of the accusation, and that is what you have seen yourselves in the comedy of Aristophanes; who has introduced a man whom he calls Socrates, going about and saying that he can walk in the air, and talking a deal of nonsense concerning matters of which I do not pretend to know either much or little - not that I mean to say anything disparaging of anyone who is a student of natural philosophy. I should be very sorry if Meletus could lay that to my charge. But the simple truth is, O Athenians, that I have nothing to do with these studies. Very many of those here present are witnesses to the truth of this, and to them I appeal. Speak then, you who have heard me, and tell your neighbors whether any of you have ever known me hold forth in few words or in many upon matters of this sort. ... You hear their answer. And from what they say of this you will be able to judge of the truth of the rest.
As little foundation is there for the report that I am a teacher, and take money; that is no more true than the other. Although, if a man is able to teach, I honor him for being paid. There is Gorgias of Leontium, and Prodicus of Ceos, and Hippias of Elis, who go the round of the cities, and are able to persuade the young men to leave their own citizens, by whom they might be taught for nothing, and come to them, whom they not only pay, but are thankful if they may be allowed to pay them. There is actually a Parian philosopher residing in Athens, of whom I have heard; and I came to hear of him in this way: - I met a man who has spent a world of money on the Sophists, Callias the son of Hipponicus, and knowing that he had sons, I asked him: "Callias," I said, "if your two sons were foals or calves, there would be no difficulty in finding someone to put over them; we should hire a trainer of horses or a farmer probably who would improve and perfect them in their own proper virtue and excellence; but as they are human beings, whom are you thinking of placing over them? Is there anyone who understands human and political virtue? You must have thought about this as you have sons; is there anyone?" "There is," he said. "Who is he?" said I, "and of what country? and what does he charge?" "Evenus the Parian," he replied; "he is the man, and his charge is five minae." Happy is Evenus, I said to myself, if he really has this wisdom, and teaches at such a modest charge. Had I the same, I should have been very proud and conceited; but the truth is that I have no knowledge of the kind.
I dare say, Athenians, that someone among you will reply, "Why is this, Socrates, and what is the origin of these accusations of you: for there must have been something strange which you have been doing? All this great fame and talk about you would never have arisen if you had been like other men: tell us, then, why this is, as we should be sorry to judge hastily of you." Now I regard this as a fair challenge, and I will endeavor to explain to you the origin of this name of "wise," and of this evil fame. Please to attend then. And although some of you may think I am joking, I declare that I will tell you the entire truth. Men of Athens, this reputation of mine has come of a certain sort of wisdom which I possess. If you ask me what kind of wisdom, I reply, such wisdom as is attainable by man, for to that extent I am inclined to believe that I am wise; whereas the persons of whom I was speaking have a superhuman wisdom, which I may fail to describe, because I have it not myself; and he who says that I have, speaks falsely, and is taking away my character. And here, O men of Athens, I must beg you not to interrupt me, even if I seem to say something extravagant. For the word which I will speak is not mine. I will refer you to a witness who is worthy of credit, and will tell you about my wisdom - whether I have any, and of what sort - and that witness shall be the god of Delphi. You must have known Chaerephon; he was early a friend of mine, and also a friend of yours, for he shared in the exile of the people, and returned with you. Well, Chaerephon, as you know, was very impetuous in all his doings, and he went to Delphi and boldly asked the oracle to tell him whether - as I was saying, I must beg you not to interrupt - he asked the oracle to tell him whether there was anyone wiser than I was, and the Pythian prophetess answered that there was no man wiser. Chaerephon is dead himself, but his brother, who is in court, will confirm the truth of this story.
Why do I mention this? Because I am going to explain to you why I have such an evil name. When I heard the answer, I said to myself, What can the god mean? and what is the interpretation of this riddle? for I know that I have no wisdom, small or great. What can he mean when he says that I am the wisest of men? And yet he is a god and cannot lie; that would be against his nature. After a long consideration, I at last thought of a method of trying the question. I reflected that if I could only find a man wiser than myself, then I might go to the god with a refutation in my hand. I should say to him, "Here is a man who is wiser than I am; but you said that I was the wisest." Accordingly I went to one who had the reputation of wisdom, and observed to him - his name I need not mention; he was a politician whom I selected for examination - and the result was as follows: When I began to talk with him, I could not help thinking that he was not really wise, although he was thought wise by many, and wiser still by himself; and I went and tried to explain to him that he thought himself wise, but was not really wise; and the consequence was that he hated me, and his enmity was shared by several who were present and heard me. So I left him, saying to myself, as I went away: Well, although I do not suppose that either of us knows anything really beautiful and good, I am better off than he is - for he knows nothing, and thinks that he knows. I neither know nor think that I know. In this latter particular, then, I seem to have slightly the advantage of him. Then I went to another, who had still higher philosophical pretensions, and my conclusion was exactly the same. I made another enemy of him, and of many others besides him.
After this I went to one man after another, being not unconscious of the enmity which I provoked, and I lamented and feared this: but necessity was laid upon me - the word of God, I thought, ought to be considered first. And I said to myself, Go I must to all who appear to know, and find out the meaning of the oracle. And I swear to you, Athenians, by the dog I swear! - for I must tell you the truth - the result of my mission was just this: I found that the men most in repute were all but the most foolish; and that some inferior men were really wiser and better. I will tell you the tale of my wanderings and of the "Herculean" labors, as I may call them, which I endured only to find at last the oracle irrefutable. When I left the politicians, I went to the poets; tragic, dithyrambic, and all sorts. And there, I said to myself, you will be detected; now you will find out that you are more ignorant than they are. Accordingly, I took them some of the most elaborate passages in their own writings, and asked what was the meaning of them - thinking that they would teach me something. Will you believe me? I am almost ashamed to speak of this, but still I must say that there is hardly a person present who would not have talked better about their poetry than they did themselves. That showed me in an instant that not by wisdom do poets write poetry, but by a sort of genius and inspiration; they are like diviners or soothsayers who also say many fine things, but do not understand the meaning of them. And the poets appeared to me to be much in the same case; and I further observed that upon the strength of their poetry they believed themselves to be the wisest of men in other things in which they were not wise. So I departed, conceiving myself to be superior to them for the same reason that I was superior to the politicians.
At last I went to the artisans, for I was conscious that I knew nothing at all, as I may say, and I was sure that they knew many fine things; and in this I was not mistaken, for they did know many things of which I was ignorant, and in this they certainly were wiser than I was. But I observed that even the good artisans fell into the same error as the poets; because they were good workmen they thought that they also knew all sorts of high matters, and this defect in them overshadowed their wisdom - therefore I asked myself on behalf of the oracle, whether I would like to be as I was, neither having their knowledge nor their ignorance, or like them in both; and I made answer to myself and the oracle that I was better off as I was.
This investigation has led to my having many enemies of the worst and most dangerous kind, and has given occasion also to many calumnies, and I am called wise, for my hearers always imagine that I myself possess the wisdom which I find wanting in others: but the truth is, O men of Athens, that God only is wise; and in this oracle he means to say that the wisdom of men is little or nothing; he is not speaking of Socrates, he is only using my name as an illustration, as if he said, He, O men, is the wisest, who, like Socrates, knows that his wisdom is in truth worth nothing. And so I go my way, obedient to the god, and make inquisition into the wisdom of anyone, whether citizen or stranger, who appears to be wise; and if he is not wise, then in vindication of the oracle I show him that he is not wise; and this occupation quite absorbs me, and I have no time to give either to any public matter of interest or to any concern of my own, but I am in utter poverty by reason of my devotion to the god.
There is another thing: - young men of the richer classes, who have not much to do, come about me of their own accord; they like to hear the pretenders examined, and they often imitate me, and examine others themselves; there are plenty of persons, as they soon enough discover, who think that they know something, but really know little or nothing: and then those who are examined by them instead of being angry with themselves are angry with me: This confounded Socrates, they say; this villainous misleader of youth! - and then if somebody asks them, Why, what evil does he practise or teach? they do not know, and cannot tell; but in order that they may not appear to be at a loss, they repeat the ready-made charges which are used against all philosophers about teaching things up in the clouds and under the earth, and having no gods, and making the worse appear the better cause; for they do not like to confess that their pretence of knowledge has been detected - which is the truth: and as they are numerous and ambitious and energetic, and are all in battle array and have persuasive tongues, they have filled your ears with their loud and inveterate calumnies. And this is the reason why my three accusers, Meletus and Anytus and Lycon, have set upon me; Meletus, who has a quarrel with me on behalf of the poets; Anytus, on behalf of the craftsmen; Lycon, on behalf of the rhetoricians: and as I said at the beginning, I cannot expect to get rid of this mass of calumny all in a moment. And this, O men of Athens, is the truth and the whole truth; I have concealed nothing, I have dissembled nothing. And yet I know that this plainness of speech makes them hate me, and what is their hatred but a proof that I am speaking the truth? - this is the occasion and reason of their slander of me, as you will find out either in this or in any future inquiry.
I have said enough in my defence against the first class of my accusers; I turn to the second class, who are headed by Meletus, that good and patriotic man, as he calls himself. And now I will try to defend myself against them: these new accusers must also have their affidavit read. What do they say? Something of this sort: - That Socrates is a doer of evil, and corrupter of the youth, and he does not believe in the gods of the state, and has other new divinities of his own. That is the sort of charge; and now let us examine the particular counts. He says that I am a doer of evil, who corrupt the youth; but I say, O men of Athens, that Meletus is a doer of evil, and the evil is that he makes a joke of a serious matter, and is too ready at bringing other men to trial from a pretended zeal and interest about matters in which he really never had the smallest interest. And the truth of this I will endeavor to prove.
Come hither, Meletus, and let me ask a question of you. You think a great deal about the improvement of youth?
Yes, I do.
Tell the judges, then, who is their improver; for you must know, as you have taken the pains to discover their corrupter, and are citing and accusing me before them. Speak, then, and tell the judges who their improver is. Observe, Meletus, that you are silent, and have nothing to say. But is not this rather disgraceful, and a very considerable proof of what I was saying, that you have no interest in the matter? Speak up, friend, and tell us who their improver is.
The laws.
But that, my good sir, is not my meaning. I want to know who the person is, who, in the first place, knows the laws.
The judges, Socrates, who are present in court.
What do you mean to say, Meletus, that they are able to instruct and improve youth?
Certainly they are.
What, all of them, or some only and not others?
All of them.
By the goddess Here, that is good news! There are plenty of improvers, then. And what do you say of the audience, - do they improve them?
Yes, they do.
And the senators?
Yes, the senators improve them.
But perhaps the members of the citizen assembly corrupt them? - or do they too improve them?
They improve them.
Then every Athenian improves and elevates them; all with the exception of myself; and I alone am their corrupter? Is that what you affirm?
That is what I stoutly affirm.
I am very unfortunate if that is true. But suppose I ask you a question: Would you say that this also holds true in the case of horses? Does one man do them harm and all the world good? Is not the exact opposite of this true? One man is able to do them good, or at least not many; - the trainer of horses, that is to say, does them good, and others who have to do with them rather injure them? Is not that true, Meletus, of horses, or any other animals? Yes, certainly. Whether you and Anytus say yes or no, that is no matter. Happy indeed would be the condition of youth if they had one corrupter only, and all the rest of the world were their improvers. And you, Meletus, have sufficiently shown that you never had a thought about the young: your carelessness is seen in your not caring about matters spoken of in this very indictment.
And now, Meletus, I must ask you another question: Which is better, to live among bad citizens, or among good ones? Answer, friend, I say; for that is a question which may be easily answered. Do not the good do their neighbors good, and the bad do them evil?
Certainly.
And is there anyone who would rather be injured than benefited by those who live with him? Answer, my good friend; the law requires you to answer - does anyone like to be injured?
Certainly not.
And when you accuse me of corrupting and deteriorating the youth, do you allege that I corrupt them intentionally or unintentionally?
Intentionally, I say.
But you have just admitted that the good do their neighbors good, and the evil do them evil. Now is that a truth which your superior wisdom has recognized thus early in life, and am I, at my age, in such darkness and ignorance as not to know that if a man with whom I have to live is corrupted by me, I am very likely to be harmed by him, and yet I corrupt him, and intentionally, too; - that is what you are saying, and of that you will never persuade me or any other human being. But either I do not corrupt them, or I corrupt them unintentionally, so that on either view of the case you lie. If my offence is unintentional, the law has no cognizance of unintentional offences: you ought to have taken me privately, and warned and admonished me; for if I had been better advised, I should have left off doing what I only did unintentionally - no doubt I should; whereas you hated to converse with me or teach me, but you indicted me in this court, which is a place not of instruction, but of punishment.
I have shown, Athenians, as I was saying, that Meletus has no care at all, great or small, about the matter. But still I should like to know, Meletus, in what I am affirmed to corrupt the young. I suppose you mean, as I infer from your indictment, that I teach them not to acknowledge the gods which the state acknowledges, but some other new divinities or spiritual agencies in their stead. These are the lessons which corrupt the youth, as you say.
Yes, that I say emphatically.
Then, by the gods, Meletus, of whom we are speaking, tell me and the court, in somewhat plainer terms, what you mean! for I do not as yet understand whether you affirm that I teach others to acknowledge some gods, and therefore do believe in gods and am not an entire atheist - this you do not lay to my charge; but only that they are not the same gods which the city recognizes - the charge is that they are different gods. Or, do you mean to say that I am an atheist simply, and a teacher of atheism?
I mean the latter - that you are a complete atheist.
That is an extraordinary statement, Meletus. Why do you say that? Do you mean that I do not believe in the godhead of the sun or moon, which is the common creed of all men?
I assure you, judges, that he does not believe in them; for he says that the sun is stone, and the moon earth.
Friend Meletus, you think that you are accusing Anaxagoras; and you have but a bad opinion of the judges, if you fancy them ignorant to such a degree as not to know that those doctrines are found in the books of Anaxagoras the Clazomenian, who is full of them. And these are the doctrines which the youth are said to learn of Socrates, when there are not unfrequently exhibitions of them at the theatre (price of admission one drachma at the most); and they might cheaply purchase them, and laugh at Socrates if he pretends to father such eccentricities. And so, Meletus, you really think that I do not believe in any god?
I swear by Zeus that you believe absolutely in none at all.
You are a liar, Meletus, not believed even by yourself. For I cannot help thinking, O men of Athens, that Meletus is reckless and impudent, and that he has written this indictment in a spirit of mere wantonness and youthful bravado. Has he not compounded a riddle, thinking to try me? He said to himself: - I shall see whether this wise Socrates will discover my ingenious contradiction, or whether I shall be able to deceive him and the rest of them. For he certainly does appear to me to contradict himself in the indictment as much as if he said that Socrates is guilty of not believing in the gods, and yet of believing in them - but this surely is a piece of fun.
I should like you, O men of Athens, to join me in examining what I conceive to be his inconsistency; and do you, Meletus, answer. And I must remind you that you are not to interrupt me if I speak in my accustomed manner.
Did ever man, Meletus, believe in the existence of human things, and not of human beings? ... I wish, men of Athens, that he would answer, and not be always trying to get up an interruption. Did ever any man believe in horsemanship, and not in horses? or in flute-playing, and not in flute-players? No, my friend; I will answer to you and to the court, as you refuse to answer for yourself. There is no man who ever did. But now please to answer the next question: Can a man believe in spiritual and divine agencies, and not in spirits or demigods?
He cannot.
I am glad that I have extracted that answer, by the assistance of the court; nevertheless you swear in the indictment that I teach and believe in divine or spiritual agencies (new or old, no matter for that); at any rate, I believe in spiritual agencies, as you say and swear in the affidavit; but if I believe in divine beings, I must believe in spirits or demigods; - is not that true? Yes, that is true, for I may assume that your silence gives assent to that. Now what are spirits or demigods? are they not either gods or the sons of gods? Is that true?
Yes, that is true.
But this is just the ingenious riddle of which I was speaking: the demigods or spirits are gods, and you say first that I don't believe in gods, and then again that I do believe in gods; that is, if I believe in demigods. For if the demigods are the illegitimate sons of gods, whether by the Nymphs or by any other mothers, as is thought, that, as all men will allow, necessarily implies the existence of their parents. You might as well affirm the existence of mules, and deny that of horses and asses. Such nonsense, Meletus, could only have been intended by you as a trial of me. You have put this into the indictment because you had nothing real of which to accuse me. But no one who has a particle of understanding will ever be convinced by you that the same man can believe in divine and superhuman things, and yet not believe that there are gods and demigods and heroes.
I have said enough in answer to the charge of Meletus: any elaborate defence is unnecessary; but as I was saying before, I certainly have many enemies, and this is what will be my destruction if I am destroyed; of that I am certain; - not Meletus, nor yet Anytus, but the envy and detraction of the world, which has been the death of many good men, and will probably be the death of many more; there is no danger of my being the last of them.
Someone will say: And are you not ashamed, Socrates, of a course of life which is likely to bring you to an untimely end? To him I may fairly answer: There you are mistaken: a man who is good for anything ought not to calculate the chance of living or dying; he ought only to consider whether in doing anything he is doing right or wrong - acting the part of a good man or of a bad. Whereas, according to your view, the heroes who fell at Troy were not good for much, and the son of Thetis above all, who altogether despised danger in comparison with disgrace; and when his goddess mother said to him, in his eagerness to slay Hector, that if he avenged his companion Patroclus, and slew Hector, he would die himself - "Fate," as she said, "waits upon you next after Hector"; he, hearing this, utterly despised danger and death, and instead of fearing them, feared rather to live in dishonor, and not to avenge his friend. "Let me die next," he replies, "and be avenged of my enemy, rather than abide here by the beaked ships, a scorn and a burden of the earth." Had Achilles any thought of death and danger? For wherever a man's place is, whether the place which he has chosen or that in which he has been placed by a commander, there he ought to remain in the hour of danger; he should not think of death or of anything, but of disgrace. And this, O men of Athens, is a true saying.
Strange, indeed, would be my conduct, O men of Athens, if I who, when I was ordered by the generals whom you chose to command me at Potidaea and Amphipolis and Delium, remained where they placed me, like any other man, facing death; if, I say, now, when, as I conceive and imagine, God orders me to fulfil the philosopher's mission of searching into myself and other men, I were to desert my post through fear of death, or any other fear; that would indeed be strange, and I might justly be arraigned in court for denying the existence of the gods, if I disobeyed the oracle because I was afraid of death: then I should be fancying that I was wise when I was not wise. For this fear of death is indeed the pretence of wisdom, and not real wisdom, being the appearance of knowing the unknown; since no one knows whether death, which they in their fear apprehend to be the greatest evil, may not be the greatest good. Is there not here conceit of knowledge, which is a disgraceful sort of ignorance? And this is the point in which, as I think, I am superior to men in general, and in which I might perhaps fancy myself wiser than other men, - that whereas I know but little of the world below, I do not suppose that I know: but I do know that injustice and disobedience to a better, whether God or man, is evil and dishonorable, and I will never fear or avoid a possible good rather than a certain evil. And therefore if you let me go now, and reject the counsels of Anytus, who said that if I were not put to death I ought not to have been prosecuted, and that if I escape now, your sons will all be utterly ruined by listening to my words - if you say to me, Socrates, this time we will not mind Anytus, and will let you off, but upon one condition, that are to inquire and speculate in this way any more, and that if you are caught doing this again you shall die; - if this was the condition on which you let me go, I should reply: Men of Athens, I honor and love you; but I shall obey God rather than you, and while I have life and strength I shall never cease from the practice and teaching of philosophy, exhorting anyone whom I meet after my manner, and convincing him, saying: O my friend, why do you who are a citizen of the great and mighty and wise city of Athens, care so much about laying up the greatest amount of money and honor and reputation, and so little about wisdom and truth and the greatest improvement of the soul, which you never regard or heed at all? Are you not ashamed of this? And if the person with whom I am arguing says: Yes, but I do care; I do not depart or let him go at once; I interrogate and examine and cross-examine him, and if I think that he has no virtue, but only says that he has, I reproach him with undervaluing the greater, and overvaluing the less. And this I should say to everyone whom I meet, young and old, citizen and alien, but especially to the citizens, inasmuch as they are my brethren. For this is the command of God, as I would have you know; and I believe that to this day no greater good has ever happened in the state than my service to the God. For I do nothing but go about persuading you all, old and young alike, not to take thought for your persons and your properties, but first and chiefly to care about the greatest improvement of the soul. I tell you that virtue is not given by money, but that from virtue come money and every other good of man, public as well as private. This is my teaching, and if this is the doctrine which corrupts the youth, my influence is ruinous indeed. But if anyone says that this is not my teaching, he is speaking an untruth. Wherefore, O men of Athens, I say to you, do as Anytus bids or not as Anytus bids, and either acquit me or not; but whatever you do, know that I shall never alter my ways, not even if I have to die many times.
Men of Athens, do not interrupt, but hear me; there was an agreement between us that you should hear me out. And I think that what I am going to say will do you good: for I have something more to say, at which you may be inclined to cry out; but I beg that you will not do this. I would have you know that, if you kill such a one as I am, you will injure yourselves more than you will injure me. Meletus and Anytus will not injure me: they cannot; for it is not in the nature of things that a bad man should injure a better than himself. I do not deny that he may, perhaps, kill him, or drive him into exile, or deprive him of civil rights; and he may imagine, and others may imagine, that he is doing him a great injury: but in that I do not agree with him; for the evil of doing as Anytus is doing - of unjustly taking away another man's life - is greater far. And now, Athenians, I am not going to argue for my own sake, as you may think, but for yours, that you may not sin against the God, or lightly reject his boon by condemning me. For if you kill me you will not easily find another like me, who, if I may use such a ludicrous figure of speech, am a sort of gadfly, given to the state by the God; and the state is like a great and noble steed who is tardy in his motions owing to his very size, and requires to be stirred into life. I am that gadfly which God has given the state and all day long and in all places am always fastening upon you, arousing and persuading and reproaching you. And as you will not easily find another like me, I would advise you to spare me. I dare say that you may feel irritated at being suddenly awakened when you are caught napping; and you may think that if you were to strike me dead, as Anytus advises, which you easily might, then you would sleep on for the remainder of your lives, unless God in his care of you gives you another gadfly. And that I am given to you by God is proved by this: - that if I had been like other men, I should not have neglected all my own concerns, or patiently seen the neglect of them during all these years, and have been doing yours, coming to you individually, like a father or elder brother, exhorting you to regard virtue; this I say, would not be like human nature. And had I gained anything, or if my exhortations had been paid, there would have been some sense in that: but now, as you will perceive, not even the impudence of my accusers dares to say that I have ever exacted or sought pay of anyone; they have no witness of that. And I have a witness of the truth of what I say; my poverty is a sufficient witness.
Someone may wonder why I go about in private, giving advice and busying myself with the concerns of others, but do not venture to come forward in public and advise the state. I will tell you the reason of this. You have often heard me speak of an oracle or sign which comes to me, and is the divinity which Meletus ridicules in the indictment. This sign I have had ever since I was a child. The sign is a voice which comes to me and always forbids me to do something which I am going to do, but never commands me to do anything, and this is what stands in the way of my being a politician. And rightly, as I think. For I am certain, O men of Athens, that if I had engaged in politics, I should have perished long ago and done no good either to you or to myself. And don't be offended at my telling you the truth: for the truth is that no man who goes to war with you or any other multitude, honestly struggling against the commission of unrighteousness and wrong in the state, will save his life; he who will really fight for the right, if he would live even for a little while, must have a private station and not a public one.
I can give you as proofs of this, not words only, but deeds, which you value more than words. Let me tell you a passage of my own life, which will prove to you that I should never have yielded to injustice from any fear of death, and that if I had not yielded I should have died at once. I will tell you a story - tasteless, perhaps, and commonplace, but nevertheless true. The only office of state which I ever held, O men of Athens, was that of senator; the tribe Antiochis, which is my tribe, had the presidency at the trial of the generals who had not taken up the bodies of the slain after the battle of Arginusae; and you proposed to try them all together, which was illegal, as you all thought afterwards; but at the time I was the only one of the Prytanes who was opposed to the illegality, and I gave my vote against you; and when the orators threatened to impeach and arrest me, and have me taken away, and you called and shouted, I made up my mind that I would run the risk, having law and justice with me, rather than take part in your injustice because I feared imprisonment and death. This happened in the days of the democracy. But when the oligarchy of the Thirty was in power, they sent for me and four others into the rotunda, and bade us bring Leon the Salaminian from Salamis, as they wanted to execute him. This was a specimen of the sort of commands which they were always giving with the view of implicating as many as possible in their crimes; and then I showed, not in words only, but in deed, that, if I may be allowed to use such an expression, I cared not a straw for death, and that my only fear was the fear of doing an unrighteous or unholy thing. For the strong arm of that oppressive power did not frighten me into doing wrong; and when we came out of the rotunda the other four went to Salamis and fetched Leon, but I went quietly home. For which I might have lost my life, had not the power of the Thirty shortly afterwards come to an end. And to this many will witness.
Now do you really imagine that I could have survived all these years, if I had led a public life, supposing that like a good man I had always supported the right and had made justice, as I ought, the first thing? No, indeed, men of Athens, neither I nor any other. But I have been always the same in all my actions, public as well as private, and never have I yielded any base compliance to those who are slanderously termed my disciples or to any other. For the truth is that I have no regular disciples: but if anyone likes to come and hear me while I am pursuing my mission, whether he be young or old, he may freely come. Nor do I converse with those who pay only, and not with those who do not pay; but anyone, whether he be rich or poor, may ask and answer me and listen to my words; and whether he turns out to be a bad man or a good one, that cannot be justly laid to my charge, as I never taught him anything. And if anyone says that he has ever learned or heard anything from me in private which all the world has not heard, I should like you to know that he is speaking an untruth.
But I shall be asked, Why do people delight in continually conversing with you? I have told you already, Athenians, the whole truth about this: they like to hear the cross-examination of the pretenders to wisdom; there is amusement in this. And this is a duty which the God has imposed upon me, as I am assured by oracles, visions, and in every sort of way in which the will of divine power was ever signified to anyone. This is true, O Athenians; or, if not true, would be soon refuted. For if I am really corrupting the youth, and have corrupted some of them already, those of them who have grown up and have become sensible that I gave them bad advice in the days of their youth should come forward as accusers and take their revenge; and if they do not like to come themselves, some of their relatives, fathers, brothers, or other kinsmen, should say what evil their families suffered at my hands. Now is their time. Many of them I see in the court. There is Crito, who is of the same age and of the same deme with myself; and there is Critobulus his son, whom I also see. Then again there is Lysanias of Sphettus, who is the father of Aeschines - he is present; and also there is Antiphon of Cephisus, who is the father of Epignes; and there are the brothers of several who have associated with me. There is Nicostratus the son of Theosdotides, and the brother of Theodotus (now Theodotus himself is dead, and therefore he, at any rate, will not seek to stop him); and there is Paralus the son of Demodocus, who had a brother Theages; and Adeimantus the son of Ariston, whose brother Plato is present; and Aeantodorus, who is the brother of Apollodorus, whom I also see. I might mention a great many others, any of whom Meletus should have produced as witnesses in the course of his speech; and let him still produce them, if he has forgotten - I will make way for him. And let him say, if he has any testimony of the sort which he can produce. Nay, Athenians, the very opposite is the truth. For all these are ready to witness on behalf of the corrupter, of the destroyer of their kindred, as Meletus and Anytus call me; not the corrupted youth only - there might have been a motive for that - but their uncorrupted elder relatives. Why should they too support me with their testimony? Why, indeed, except for the sake of truth and justice, and because they know that I am speaking the truth, and that Meletus is lying.
Well, Athenians, this and the like of this is nearly all the defence which I have to offer. Yet a word more. Perhaps there may be someone who is offended at me, when he calls to mind how he himself, on a similar or even a less serious occasion, had recourse to prayers and supplications with many tears, and how he produced his children in court, which was a moving spectacle, together with a posse of his relations and friends; whereas I, who am probably in danger of my life, will do none of these things. Perhaps this may come into his mind, and he may be set against me, and vote in anger because he is displeased at this. Now if there be such a person among you, which I am far from affirming, I may fairly reply to him: My friend, I am a man, and like other men, a creature of flesh and blood, and not of wood or stone, as Homer says; and I have a family, yes, and sons. O Athenians, three in number, one of whom is growing up, and the two others are still young; and yet I will not bring any of them hither in order to petition you for an acquittal. And why not? Not from any self-will or disregard of you. Whether I am or am not afraid of death is another question, of which I will not now speak. But my reason simply is that I feel such conduct to be discreditable to myself, and you, and the whole state. One who has reached my years, and who has a name for wisdom, whether deserved or not, ought not to debase himself. At any rate, the world has decided that Socrates is in some way superior to other men. And if those among you who are said to be superior in wisdom and courage, and any other virtue, demean themselves in this way, how shameful is their conduct! I have seen men of reputation, when they have been condemned, behaving in the strangest manner: they seemed to fancy that they were going to suffer something dreadful if they died, and that they could be immortal if you only allowed them to live; and I think that they were a dishonor to the state, and that any stranger coming in would say of them that the most eminent men of Athens, to whom the Athenians themselves give honor and command, are no better than women. And I say that these things ought not to be done by those of us who are of reputation; and if they are done, you ought not to permit them; you ought rather to show that you are more inclined to condemn, not the man who is quiet, but the man who gets up a doleful scene, and makes the city ridiculous.
But, setting aside the question of dishonor, there seems to be something wrong in petitioning a judge, and thus procuring an acquittal instead of informing and convincing him. For his duty is, not to make a present of justice, but to give judgment; and he has sworn that he will judge according to the laws, and not according to his own good pleasure; and neither he nor we should get into the habit of perjuring ourselves - there can be no piety in that. Do not then require me to do what I consider dishonorable and impious and wrong, especially now, when I am being tried for impiety on the indictment of Meletus. For if, O men of Athens, by force of persuasion and entreaty, I could overpower your oaths, then I should be teaching you to believe that there are no gods, and convict myself, in my own defence, of not believing in them. But that is not the case; for I do believe that there are gods, and in a far higher sense than that in which any of my accusers believe in them. And to you and to God I commit my cause, to be determined by you as is best for you and me.
The jury finds Socrates guilty.
Socrates' Proposal for his Sentence
There are many reasons why I am not grieved, O men of Athens, at the vote of condemnation. I expected it, and am only surprised that the votes are so nearly equal; for I had thought that the majority against me would have been far larger; but now, had thirty votes gone over to the other side, I should have been acquitted. And I may say that I have escaped Meletus. And I may say more; for without the assistance of Anytus and Lycon, he would not have had a fifth part of the votes, as the law requires, in which case he would have incurred a fine of a thousand drachmae, as is evident.
And so he proposes death as the penalty. And what shall I propose on my part, O men of Athens? Clearly that which is my due. And what is that which I ought to pay or to receive? What shall be done to the man who has never had the wit to be idle during his whole life; but has been careless of what the many care about - wealth, and family interests, and military offices, and speaking in the assembly, and magistracies, and plots, and parties. Reflecting that I was really too honest a man to follow in this way and live, I did not go where I could do no good to you or to myself; but where I could do the greatest good privately to everyone of you, thither I went, and sought to persuade every man among you that he must look to himself, and seek virtue and wisdom before he looks to his private interests, and look to the state before he looks to the interests of the state; and that this should be the order which he observes in all his actions. What shall be done to such a one? Doubtless some good thing, O men of Athens, if he has his reward; and the good should be of a kind suitable to him. What would be a reward suitable to a poor man who is your benefactor, who desires leisure that he may instruct you? There can be no more fitting reward than maintenance in the Prytaneum, O men of Athens, a reward which he deserves far more than the citizen who has won the prize at Olympia in the horse or chariot race, whether the chariots were drawn by two horses or by many. For I am in want, and he has enough; and he only gives you the appearance of happiness, and I give you the reality. And if I am to estimate the penalty justly, I say that maintenance in the Prytaneum is the just return.
Perhaps you may think that I am braving you in saying this, as in what I said before about the tears and prayers. But that is not the case. I speak rather because I am convinced that I never intentionally wronged anyone, although I cannot convince you of that - for we have had a short conversation only; but if there were a law at Athens, such as there is in other cities, that a capital cause should not be decided in one day, then I believe that I should have convinced you; but now the time is too short. I cannot in a moment refute great slanders; and, as I am convinced that I never wronged another, I will assuredly not wrong myself. I will not say of myself that I deserve any evil, or propose any penalty. Why should I? Because I am afraid of the penalty of death which Meletus proposes? When I do not know whether death is a good or an evil, why should I propose a penalty which would certainly be an evil? Shall I say imprisonment? And why should I live in prison, and be the slave of the magistrates of the year - of the Eleven? Or shall the penalty be a fine, and imprisonment until the fine is paid? There is the same objection. I should have to lie in prison, for money I have none, and I cannot pay. And if I say exile (and this may possibly be the penalty which you will affix), I must indeed be blinded by the love of life if I were to consider that when you, who are my own citizens, cannot endure my discourses and words, and have found them so grievous and odious that you would fain have done with them, others are likely to endure me. No, indeed, men of Athens, that is not very likely. And what a life should I lead, at my age, wandering from city to city, living in ever-changing exile, and always being driven out! For I am quite sure that into whatever place I go, as here so also there, the young men will come to me; and if I drive them away, their elders will drive me out at their desire: and if I let them come, their fathers and friends will drive me out for their sakes.
Someone will say: Yes, Socrates, but cannot you hold your tongue, and then you may go into a foreign city, and no one will interfere with you? Now I have great difficulty in making you understand my answer to this. For if I tell you that this would be a disobedience to a divine command, and therefore that I cannot hold my tongue, you will not believe that I am serious; and if I say again that the greatest good of man is daily to converse about virtue, and all that concerning which you hear me examining myself and others, and that the life which is unexamined is not worth living - that you are still less likely to believe. And yet what I say is true, although a thing of which it is hard for me to persuade you. Moreover, I am not accustomed to think that I deserve any punishment. Had I money I might have proposed to give you what I had, and have been none the worse. But you see that I have none, and can only ask you to proportion the fine to my means. However, I think that I could afford a minae, and therefore I propose that penalty; Plato, Crito, Critobulus, and Apollodorus, my friends here, bid me say thirty minae, and they will be the sureties. Well then, say thirty minae, let that be the penalty; for that they will be ample security to you.
The jury condemns Socrates to death.
Socrates' Comments on his Sentence
Not much time will be gained, O Athenians, in return for the evil name which you will get from the detractors of the city, who will say that you killed Socrates, a wise man; for they will call me wise even although I am not wise when they want to reproach you. If you had waited a little while, your desire would have been fulfilled in the course of nature. For I am far advanced in years, as you may perceive, and not far from death. I am speaking now only to those of you who have condemned me to death. And I have another thing to say to them: You think that I was convicted through deficiency of words - I mean, that if I had thought fit to leave nothing undone, nothing unsaid, I might have gained an acquittal. Not so; the deficiency which led to my conviction was not of words - certainly not. But I had not the boldness or impudence or inclination to address you as you would have liked me to address you, weeping and wailing and lamenting, and saying and doing many things which you have been accustomed to hear from others, and which, as I say, are unworthy of me. But I thought that I ought not to do anything common or mean in the hour of danger: nor do I now repent of the manner of my defence, and I would rather die having spoken after my manner, than speak in your manner and live. For neither in war nor yet at law ought any man to use every way of escaping death. For often in battle there is no doubt that if a man will throw away his arms, and fall on his knees before his pursuers, he may escape death; and in other dangers there are other ways of escaping death, if a man is willing to say and do anything. The difficulty, my friends, is not in avoiding death, but in avoiding unrighteousness; for that runs faster than death. I am old and move slowly, and the slower runner has overtaken me, and my accusers are keen and quick, and the faster runner, who is unrighteousness, has overtaken them. And now I depart hence condemned by you to suffer the penalty of death, and they, too, go their ways condemned by the truth to suffer the penalty of villainy and wrong; and I must abide by my award - let them abide by theirs. I suppose that these things may be regarded as fated, - and I think that they are well.
And now, O men who have condemned me, I would fain prophesy to you; for I am about to die, and that is the hour in which men are gifted with prophetic power. And I prophesy to you who are my murderers, that immediately after my death punishment far heavier than you have inflicted on me will surely await you. Me you have killed because you wanted to escape the accuser, and not to give an account of your lives. But that will not be as you suppose: far otherwise. For I say that there will be more accusers of you than there are now; accusers whom hitherto I have restrained: and as they are younger they will be more severe with you, and you will be more offended at them. For if you think that by killing men you can avoid the accuser censuring your lives, you are mistaken; that is not a way of escape which is either possible or honorable; the easiest and noblest way is not to be crushing others, but to be improving yourselves. This is the prophecy which I utter before my departure, to the judges who have condemned me.
Friends, who would have acquitted me, I would like also to talk with you about this thing which has happened, while the magistrates are busy, and before I go to the place at which I must die. Stay then awhile, for we may as well talk with one another while there is time. You are my friends, and I should like to show you the meaning of this event which has happened to me. O my judges - for you I may truly call judges - I should like to tell you of a wonderful circumstance. Hitherto the familiar oracle within me has constantly been in the habit of opposing me even about trifles, if I was going to make a slip or error about anything; and now as you see there has come upon me that which may be thought, and is generally believed to be, the last and worst evil. But the oracle made no sign of opposition, either as I was leaving my house and going out in the morning, or when I was going up into this court, or while I was speaking, at anything which I was going to say; and yet I have often been stopped in the middle of a speech; but now in nothing I either said or did touching this matter has the oracle opposed me. What do I take to be the explanation of this? I will tell you. I regard this as a proof that what has happened to me is a good, and that those of us who think that death is an evil are in error. This is a great proof to me of what I am saying, for the customary sign would surely have opposed me had I been going to evil and not to good.
Let us reflect in another way, and we shall see that there is great reason to hope that death is a good, for one of two things: - either death is a state of nothingness and utter unconsciousness, or, as men say, there is a change and migration of the soul from this world to another. Now if you suppose that there is no consciousness, but a sleep like the sleep of him who is undisturbed even by the sight of dreams, death will be an unspeakable gain. For if a person were to select the night in which his sleep was undisturbed even by dreams, and were to compare with this the other days and nights of his life, and then were to tell us how many days and nights he had passed in the course of his life better and more pleasantly than this one, I think that any man, I will not say a private man, but even the great king, will not find many such days or nights, when compared with the others. Now if death is like this, I say that to die is gain; for eternity is then only a single night. But if death is the journey to another place, and there, as men say, all the dead are, what good, O my friends and judges, can be greater than this? If indeed when the pilgrim arrives in the world below, he is delivered from the professors of justice in this world, and finds the true judges who are said to give judgment there, Minos and Rhadamanthus and Aeacus and Triptolemus, and other sons of God who were righteous in their own life, that pilgrimage will be worth making. What would not a man give if he might converse with Orpheus and Musaeus and Hesiod and Homer? Nay, if this be true, let me die again and again. I, too, shall have a wonderful interest in a place where I can converse with Palamedes, and Ajax the son of Telamon, and other heroes of old, who have suffered death through an unjust judgment; and there will be no small pleasure, as I think, in comparing my own sufferings with theirs. Above all, I shall be able to continue my search into true and false knowledge; as in this world, so also in that; I shall find out who is wise, and who pretends to be wise, and is not. What would not a man give, O judges, to be able to examine the leader of the great Trojan expedition; or Odysseus or Sisyphus, or numberless others, men and women too! What infinite delight would there be in conversing with them and asking them questions! For in that world they do not put a man to death for this; certainly not. For besides being happier in that world than in this, they will be immortal, if what is said is true.
Wherefore, O judges, be of good cheer about death, and know this of a truth - that no evil can happen to a good man, either in life or after death. He and his are not neglected by the gods; nor has my own approaching end happened by mere chance. But I see clearly that to die and be released was better for me; and therefore the oracle gave no sign. For which reason also, I am not angry with my accusers, or my condemners; they have done me no harm, although neither of them meant to do me any good; and for this I may gently blame them.
Still I have a favor to ask of them. When my sons are grown up, I would ask you, O my friends, to punish them; and I would have you trouble them, as I have troubled you, if they seem to care about riches, or anything, more than about virtue; or if they pretend to be something when they are really nothing, - then reprove them, as I have reproved you, for not caring about that for which they ought to care, and thinking that they are something when they are really nothing. And if you do this, I and my sons will have received justice at your hands.
The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways - I to die, and you to live. Which is better God only knows. |
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Date: February 24th, 2006 10:08 PM Author: Socrates. WHY have you come at this hour, Crito? it must be quite early.
Crito. Yes, certainly.
Soc. What is the exact time?
Cr. The dawn is breaking.
Soc. I wonder the keeper of the prison would let you in.
Cr. He knows me because I often come, Socrates; moreover. I have done him a kindness.
Soc. And are you only just come?
Cr. No, I came some time ago.
Soc. Then why did you sit and say nothing, instead of awakening me at once?
Cr. Why, indeed, Socrates, I myself would rather not have all this sleeplessness and sorrow. But I have been wondering at your peaceful slumbers, and that was the reason why I did not awaken you, because I wanted you to be out of pain. I have always thought you happy in the calmness of your temperament; but never did I see the like of the easy, cheerful way in which you bear this calamity.
Soc. Why, Crito, when a man has reached my age he ought not to be repining at the prospect of death.
Cr. And yet other old men find themselves in similar misfortunes, and age does not prevent them from repining.
Soc. That may be. But you have not told me why you come at this early hour.
Cr. I come to bring you a message which is sad and painful; not, as I believe, to yourself but to all of us who are your friends, and saddest of all to me.
Soc. What! I suppose that the ship has come from Delos, on the arrival of which I am to die?
Cr. No, the ship has not actually arrived, but she will probably be here to-day, as persons who have come from Sunium tell me that they have left her there; and therefore to-morrow, Socrates, will be the last day of your life.
Soc. Very well, Crito; if such is the will of God, I am willing; but my belief is that there will be a delay of a day.
Cr. Why do you say this?
Soc. I will tell you. I am to die on the day after the arrival of the ship?
Cr. Yes; that is what the authorities say.
Soc. But I do not think that the ship will be here until to-morrow; this I gather from a vision which I had last night, or rather only just now, when you fortunately allowed me to sleep.
Cr. And what was the nature of the vision?
Soc. There came to me the likeness of a woman, fair and comely, clothed in white raiment, who called to me and said: O Socrates-
"The third day hence, to Phthia shalt thou go."
Cr. What a singular dream, Socrates!
Soc. There can be no doubt about the meaning Crito, I think.
Cr. Yes: the meaning is only too clear. But, O! my beloved Socrates, let me entreat you once more to take my advice and escape. For if you die I shall not only lose a friend who can never be replaced, but there is another evil: people who do not know you and me will believe that I might have saved you if I had been willing to give money, but that I did not care. Now, can there be a worse disgrace than this- that I should be thought to value money more than the life of a friend? For the many will not be persuaded that I wanted you to escape, and that you refused.
Soc. But why, my dear Crito, should we care about the opinion of the many? Good men, and they are the only persons who are worth considering, will think of these things truly as they happened.
Cr. But do you see. Socrates, that the opinion of the many must be regarded, as is evident in your own case, because they can do the very greatest evil to anyone who has lost their good opinion?
Soc. I only wish, Crito, that they could; for then they could also do the greatest good, and that would be well. But the truth is, that they can do neither good nor evil: they cannot make a man wise or make him foolish; and whatever they do is the result of chance.
Cr. Well, I will not dispute about that; but please to tell me, Socrates, whether you are not acting out of regard to me and your other friends: are you not afraid that if you escape hence we may get into trouble with the informers for having stolen you away, and lose either the whole or a great part of our property; or that even a worse evil may happen to us? Now, if this is your fear, be at ease; for in order to save you, we ought surely to run this or even a greater risk; be persuaded, then, and do as I say.
Soc. Yes, Crito, that is one fear which you mention, but by no means the only one.
Cr. Fear not. There are persons who at no great cost are willing to save you and bring you out of prison; and as for the informers, you may observe that they are far from being exorbitant in their demands; a little money will satisfy them. My means, which, as I am sure, are ample, are at your service, and if you have a scruple about spending all mine, here are strangers who will give you the use of theirs; and one of them, Simmias the Theban, has brought a sum of money for this very purpose; and Cebes and many others are willing to spend their money too. I say, therefore, do not on that account hesitate about making your escape, and do not say, as you did in the court, that you will have a difficulty in knowing what to do with yourself if you escape. For men will love you in other places to which you may go, and not in Athens only; there are friends of mine in Thessaly, if you like to go to them, who will value and protect you, and no Thessalian will give you any trouble. Nor can I think that you are justified, Socrates, in betraying your own life when you might be saved; this is playing into the hands of your enemies and destroyers; and moreover I should say that you were betraying your children; for you might bring them up and educate them; instead of which you go away and leave them, and they will have to take their chance; and if they do not meet with the usual fate of orphans, there will be small thanks to you. No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nurture and education. But you are choosing the easier part, as I think, not the better and manlier, which would rather have become one who professes virtue in all his actions, like yourself. And, indeed, I am ashamed not only of you, but of us who are your friends, when I reflect that this entire business of yours will be attributed to our want of courage. The trial need never have come on, or might have been brought to another issue; and the end of all, which is the crowning absurdity, will seem to have been permitted by us, through cowardice and baseness, who might have saved you, as you might have saved yourself, if we had been good for anything (for there was no difficulty in escaping); and we did not see how disgraceful, Socrates, and also miserable all this will be to us as well as to you. Make your mind up then, or rather have your mind already made up, for the time of deliberation is over, and there is only one thing to be done, which must be done, if at all, this very night, and which any delay will render all but impossible; I beseech you therefore, Socrates, to be persuaded by me, and to do as I say.
Soc. Dear Crito, your zeal is invaluable, if a right one; but if wrong, the greater the zeal the greater the evil; and therefore we ought to consider whether these things shall be done or not. For I am and always have been one of those natures who must be guided by reason, whatever the reason may be which upon reflection appears to me to be the best; and now that this fortune has come upon me, I cannot put away the reasons which I have before given: the principles which I have hitherto honored and revered I still honor, and unless we can find other and better principles on the instant, I am certain not to agree with you; no, not even if the power of the multitude could inflict many more imprisonments, confiscations, deaths, frightening us like children with hobgoblin terrors. But what will be the fairest way of considering the question? Shall I return to your old argument about the opinions of men, some of which are to be regarded, and others, as we were saying, are not to be regarded? Now were we right in maintaining this before I was condemned? And has the argument which was once good now proved to be talk for the sake of talking; in fact an amusement only, and altogether vanity? That is what I want to consider with your help, Crito: whether, under my present circumstances, the argument appears to be in any way different or not; and is to be allowed by me or disallowed. That argument, which, as I believe, is maintained by many who assume to be authorities, was to the effect, as I was saying, that the opinions of some men are to be regarded, and of other men not to be regarded. Now you, Crito, are a disinterested person who are not going to die to-morrow- at least, there is no human probability of this, and you are therefore not liable to be deceived by the circumstances in which you are placed. Tell me, then, whether I am right in saying that some opinions, and the opinions of some men only, are to be valued, and other opinions, and the opinions of other men, are not to be valued. I ask you whether I was right in maintaining this?
Cr. Certainly.
Soc. The good are to be regarded, and not the bad?
Cr. Yes.
Soc. And the opinions of the wise are good, and the opinions of the unwise are evil?
Cr. Certainly.
Soc. And what was said about another matter? Was the disciple in gymnastics supposed to attend to the praise and blame and opinion of every man, or of one man only- his physician or trainer, whoever that was?
Cr. Of one man only.
Soc. And he ought to fear the censure and welcome the praise of that one only, and not of the many?
Cr. That is clear.
Soc. And he ought to live and train, and eat and drink in the way which seems good to his single master who has understanding, rather than according to the opinion of all other men put together?
Cr. True.
Soc. And if he disobeys and disregards the opinion and approval of the one, and regards the opinion of the many who have no understanding, will he not suffer evil?
Cr. Certainly he will.
Soc. And what will the evil be, whither tending and what affcting, in the disobedient person?
Cr. Clearly, affecting the body; that is what is destroyed by the evil.
Soc. Very good; and is not this true, Crito, of other things which we need not separately enumerate? In the matter of just and unjust, fair and foul, good and evil, which are the subjects of our present consultation, ought we to follow the opinion of the many and to fear them; or the opinion of the one man who has understanding, and whom we ought to fear and reverence more than all the rest of the world: and whom deserting we shall destroy and injure that principle in us which may be assumed to be improved by justice and deteriorated by injustice; is there not such a principle?
Cr. Certainly there is, Socrates.
Soc. Take a parallel instance; if, acting under the advice of men who have no understanding, we destroy that which is improvable by health and deteriorated by disease- when that has been destroyed, I say, would life be worth having? And that is- the body?
Cr. Yes.
Soc. Could we live, having an evil and corrupted body?
Cr. Certainly not.
Soc. And will life be worth having, if that higher part of man be depraved, which is improved by justice and deteriorated by injustice? Do we suppose that principle, whatever it may be in man, which has to do with justice and injustice, to be inferior to the body?
Cr. Certainly not.
Soc. More honored, then?
Cr. Far more honored.
Soc. Then, my friend, we must not regard what the many say of us: but what he, the one man who has understanding of just and unjust, will say, and what the truth will say. And therefore you begin in error when you suggest that we should regard the opinion of the many about just and unjust, good and evil, honorable and dishonorable. Well, someone will say, "But the many can kill us."
Cr. Yes, Socrates; that will clearly be the answer.
Soc. That is true; but still I find with surprise that the old argument is, as I conceive, unshaken as ever. And I should like to know Whether I may say the same of another proposition- that not life, but a good life, is to be chiefly valued?
Cr. Yes, that also remains.
Soc. And a good life is equivalent to a just and honorable one- that holds also?
Cr. Yes, that holds.
Soc. From these premises I proceed to argue the question whether I ought or ought not to try to escape without the consent of the Athenians: and if I am clearly right in escaping, then I will make the attempt; but if not, I will abstain. The other considerations which you mention, of money and loss of character, and the duty of educating children, are, I fear, only the doctrines of the multitude, who would be as ready to call people to life, if they were able, as they are to put them to death- and with as little reason. But now, since the argument has thus far prevailed, the only question which remains to be considered is, whether we shall do rightly either in escaping or in suffering others to aid in our escape and paying them in money and thanks, or whether we shan not do rightly; and if the latter, then death or any other calamity which may ensue on my remaining here must not be allowed to enter into the calculation.
Cr. I think that you are right, Socrates; how then shall we proceed?
Soc. Let us consider the matter together, and do you either refute me if you can, and I will be convinced; or else cease, my dear friend, from repeating to me that I ought to escape against the wishes of the Athenians: for I am extremely desirous to be persuaded by you, but not against my own better judgment. And now please to consider my first position, and do your best to answer me.
Cr. I will do my best.
Soc. Are we to say that we are never intentionally to do wrong, or that in one way we ought and in another way we ought not to do wrong, or is doing wrong always evil and dishonorable, as I was just now saying, and as has been already acknowledged by us? Are all our former admissions which were made within a few days to be thrown away? And have we, at our age, been earnestly discoursing with one another all our life long only to discover that we are no better than children? Or are we to rest assured, in spite of the opinion of the many, and in spite of consequences whether better or worse, of the truth of what was then said, that injustice is always an evil and dishonor to him who acts unjustly? Shall we affirm that?
Cr. Yes.
Soc. Then we must do no wrong?
Cr. Certainly not.
Soc. Nor when injured injure in return, as the many imagine; for we must injure no one at all?
Cr. Clearly not.
Soc. Again, Crito, may we do evil?
Cr. Surely not, Socrates.
Soc. And what of doing evil in return for evil, which is the morality of the many-is that just or not?
Cr. Not just.
Soc. For doing evil to another is the same as injuring him?
Cr. Very true.
Soc. Then we ought not to retaliate or render evil for evil to anyone, whatever evil we may have suffered from him. But I would have you consider, Crito, whether you really mean what you are saying. For this opinion has never been held, and never will be held, by any considerable number of persons; and those who are agreed and those who are not agreed upon this point have no common ground, and can only despise one another, when they see how widely they differ. Tell me, then, whether you agree with and assent to my first principle, that neither injury nor retaliation nor warding off evil by evil is ever right. And shall that be the premise of our agreement? Or do you decline and dissent from this? For this has been of old and is still my opinion; but, if you are of another opinion, let me hear what you have to say. If, however, you remain of the same mind as formerly, I will proceed to the next step.
Cr. You may proceed, for I have not changed my mind.
Soc. Then I will proceed to the next step, which may be put in the form of a question: Ought a man to do what he admits to be right, or ought he to betray the right?
Cr. He ought to do what he thinks right.
Soc. But if this is true, what is the application? In leaving the prison against the will of the Athenians, do I wrong any? or rather do I not wrong those whom I ought least to wrong? Do I not desert the principles which were acknowledged by us to be just? What do you say?
Cr. I cannot tell, Socrates, for I do not know.
Soc. Then consider the matter in this way: Imagine that I am about to play truant (you may call the proceeding by any name which you like), and the laws and the government come and interrogate me: "Tell us, Socrates," they say; "what are you about? are you going by an act of yours to overturn us- the laws and the whole State, as far as in you lies? Do you imagine that a State can subsist and not be overthrown, in which the decisions of law have no power, but are set aside and overthrown by individuals?" What will be our answer, Crito, to these and the like words? Anyone, and especially a clever rhetorician, will have a good deal to urge about the evil of setting aside the law which requires a sentence to be carried out; and we might reply, "Yes; but the State has injured us and given an unjust sentence." Suppose I say that?
Cr. Very good, Socrates. Soc. "And was that our agreement with you?" the law would sar, "or were you to abide by the sentence of the State?" And if I were to express astonishment at their saying this, the law would probably add: "Answer, Socrates, instead of opening your eyes: you are in the habit of asking and answering questions. Tell us what complaint you have to make against us which justifies you in attempting to destroy us and the State? In the first place did we not bring you into existence? Your father married your mother by our aid and begat you. Say whether you have any objection to urge against those of us who regulate marriage?" None, I should reply. "Or against those of us who regulate the system of nurture and education of children in which you were trained? Were not the laws, who have the charge of this, right in commanding your father to train you in music and gymnastic?" Right, I should reply. "Well, then, since you were brought into the world and nurtured and educated by us, can you deny in the first place that you are our child and slave, as your fathers were before you? And if this is true you are not on equal terms with us; nor can you think that you have a right to do to us what we are doing to you. Would you have any right to strike or revile or do any other evil to a father or to your master, if you had one, when you have been struck or reviled by him, or received some other evil at his hands?- you would not say this? And because we think right to destroy you, do you think that you have any right to destroy us in return, and your country as far as in you lies? And will you, O professor of true virtue, say that you are justified in this? Has a philosopher like you failed to discover that our country is more to be valued and higher and holier far than mother or father or any ancestor, and more to be regarded in the eyes of the gods and of men of understanding? also to be soothed, and gently and reverently entreated when angry, even more than a father, and if not persuaded, obeyed? And when we are punished by her, whether with imprisonment or stripes, the punishment is to be endured in silence; and if she leads us to wounds or death in battle, thither we follow as is right; neither may anyone yield or retreat or leave his rank, but whether in battle or in a court of law, or in any other place, he must do what his city and his country order him; or he must change their view of what is just: and if he may do no violence to his father or mother, much less may he do violence to his country." What answer shall we make to this, Crito? Do the laws speak truly, or do they not?
Cr. I think that they do.
Soc. Then the laws will say: "Consider, Socrates, if this is true, that in your present attempt you are going to do us wrong. For, after having brought you into the world, and nurtured and educated you, and given you and every other citizen a share in every good that we had to give, we further proclaim and give the right to every Athenian, that if he does not like us when he has come of age and has seen the ways of the city, and made our acquaintance, he may go where he pleases and take his goods with him; and none of us laws will forbid him or interfere with him. Any of you who does not like us and the city, and who wants to go to a colony or to any other city, may go where he likes, and take his goods with him. But he who has experience of the manner in which we order justice and administer the State, and still remains, has entered into an implied contract that he will do as we command him. And he who disobeys us is, as we maintain, thrice wrong: first, because in disobeying us he is disobeying his parents; secondly, because we are the authors of his education; thirdly, because he has made an agreement with us that he will duly obey our commands; and he neither obeys them nor convinces us that our commands are wrong; and we do not rudely impose them, but give him the alternative of obeying or convincing us; that is what we offer and he does neither. These are the sort of accusations to which, as we were saying, you, Socrates, will be exposed if you accomplish your intentions; you, above all other Athenians." Suppose I ask, why is this? they will justly retort upon me that I above all other men have acknowledged the agreement. "There is clear proof," they will say, "Socrates, that we and the city were not displeasing to you. Of all Athenians you have been the most constant resident in the city, which, as you never leave, you may be supposed to love. For you never went out of the city either to see the games, except once when you went to the Isthmus, or to any other place unless when you were on military service; nor did you travel as other men do. Nor had you any curiosity to know other States or their laws: your affections did not go beyond us and our State; we were your especial favorites, and you acquiesced in our government of you; and this is the State in which you begat your children, which is a proof of your satisfaction. Moreover, you might, if you had liked, have fixed the penalty at banishment in the course of the trial-the State which refuses to let you go now would have let you go then. But you pretended that you preferred death to exile, and that you were not grieved at death. And now you have forgotten these fine sentiments, and pay no respect to us, the laws, of whom you are the destroyer; and are doing what only a miserable slave would do, running away and turning your back upon the compacts and agreements which you made as a citizen. And first of all answer this very question: Are we right in saying that you agreed to be governed according to us in deed, and not in word only? Is that true or not?" How shall we answer that, Crito? Must we not agree?
Cr. There is no help, Socrates.
Soc. Then will they not say: "You, Socrates, are breaking the covenants and agreements which you made with us at your leisure, not in any haste or under any compulsion or deception, but having had seventy years to think of them, during which time you were at liberty to leave the city, if we were not to your mind, or if our covenants appeared to you to be unfair. You had your choice, and might have gone either to Lacedaemon or Crete, which you often praise for their good government, or to some other Hellenic or foreign State. Whereas you, above all other Athenians, seemed to be so fond of the State, or, in other words, of us her laws (for who would like a State that has no laws?), that you never stirred out of her: the halt, the blind, the maimed, were not more stationary in her than you were. And now you run away and forsake your agreements. Not so, Socrates, if you will take our advice; do not make yourself ridiculous by escaping out of the city.
"For just consider, if you transgress and err in this sort of way, what good will you do, either to yourself or to your friends? That your friends will be driven into exile and deprived of citizenship, or will lose their property, is tolerably certain; and you yourself, if you fly to one of the neighboring cities, as, for example, Thebes or Megara, both of which are well-governed cities, will come to them as an enemy, Socrates, and their government will be against you, and all patriotic citizens will cast an evil eye upon you as a subverter of the laws, and you will confirm in the minds of the judges the justice of their own condemnation of you. For he who is a corrupter of the laws is more than likely to be corrupter of the young and foolish portion of mankind. Will you then flee from well-ordered cities and virtuous men? and is existence worth having on these terms? Or will you go to them without shame, and talk to them, Socrates? And what will you say to them? What you say here about virtue and justice and institutions and laws being the best things among men? Would that be decent of you? Surely not. But if you go away from well-governed States to Crito's friends in Thessaly, where there is great disorder and license, they will be charmed to have the tale of your escape from prison, set off with ludicrous particulars of the manner in which you were wrapped in a goatskin or some other disguise, and metamorphosed as the fashion of runaways is- that is very likely; but will there be no one to remind you that in your old age you violated the most sacred laws from a miserable desire of a little more life? Perhaps not, if you keep them in a good temper; but if they are out of temper you will hear many degrading things; you will live, but how?- as the flatterer of all men, and the servant of all men; and doing what?- eating and drinking in Thessaly, having gone abroad in order that you may get a dinner. And where will be your fine sentiments about justice and virtue then? Say that you wish to live for the sake of your children, that you may bring them up and educate them- will you take them into Thessaly and deprive them of Athenian citizenship? Is that the benefit which you would confer upon them? Or are you under the impression that they will be better cared for and educated here if you are still alive, although absent from them; for that your friends will take care of them? Do you fancy that if you are an inhabitant of Thessaly they will take care of them, and if you are an inhabitant of the other world they will not take care of them? Nay; but if they who call themselves friends are truly friends, they surely will.
"Listen, then, Socrates, to us who have brought you up. Think not of life and children first, and of justice afterwards, but of justice first, that you may be justified before the princes of the world below. For neither will you nor any that belong to you be happier or holier or juster in this life, or happier in another, if you do as Crito bids. Now you depart in innocence, a sufferer and not a doer of evil; a victim, not of the laws, but of men. But if you go forth, returning evil for evil, and injury for injury, breaking the covenants and agreements which you have made with us, and wronging those whom you ought least to wrong, that is to say, yourself, your friends, your country, and us, we shall be angry with you while you live, and our brethren, the laws in the world below, will receive you as an enemy; for they will know that you have done your best to destroy us. Listen, then, to us and not to Crito."
This is the voice which I seem to hear murmuring in my ears, like the sound of the flute in the ears of the mystic; that voice, I say, is humming in my ears, and prevents me from hearing any other. And I know that anything more which you will say will be in vain. Yet speak, if you have anything to say.
Cr. I have nothing to say, Socrates.
Soc. Then let me follow the intimations of the will of God. |
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Date: February 24th, 2006 10:55 PM Author: Striped hyena bitches (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5178892) |
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Date: February 25th, 2006 11:26 AM Author: Fuck yeah! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5181384) |
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Date: February 25th, 2006 4:41 PM Author: Claret cowardly telephone fuck no! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5183985) |
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Date: March 4th, 2006 12:15 AM Author: Striped hyena =<^-^>= ~<Meow> (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5241670) |
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Date: March 4th, 2006 1:05 AM Author: Veni, Vidi, Vici. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5242034) |
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Date: March 7th, 2006 4:31 PM Author: vae victus (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5273034) |
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Date: March 7th, 2006 4:33 PM Author: what do i win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5273057) |
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Date: March 7th, 2006 6:04 PM Author: I win. bitches (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5273816) |
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Date: March 14th, 2006 5:56 AM Author: sock puppets (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5333613) |
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Date: March 14th, 2006 5:58 AM Author: (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5333616) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:00 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus Ha. I love how bumping old threads allows me to see people changing their monikers.
STFU. |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:02 AM Author: GO BANANA! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5446259) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:03 AM Author: This is a monster of a thread, and probably the best argument for capping post counts. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5446264) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:05 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus STFU. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5446271) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:04 AM Author: This was pointless. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5446266) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:06 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus So are you. STFU. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5446272) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:06 AM Author: Indeed. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5446273) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:08 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus Nice try, Gorbachev. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5446276) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:19 AM Author: ty. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5446291) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:20 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus Not gonna do it. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5446293) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:21 AM Author: Do what? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5446294) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:22 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig what fag started this thread (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5446297) |
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Date: March 28th, 2006 6:23 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus HOLY FUCKING SHIT! A legend in his own time.
My bump seems pretty appropriate now, huh bitches? |
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Date: April 6th, 2006 5:05 PM Author: http://www.teenagemovies.com/main/main.html
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Date: April 10th, 2006 5:17 AM Author: 360 BC PHAEDRUS by Plato translated by Benjamin Jowett PHAEDRUS PERSONS OF THE DIALOGUE: SOCRATES; PHAEDRUS. Scene: Under a plane-tree, by the banks of the Ilissus.
Socrates. My dear Phaedrus, whence come you, and whither are you going? Phaedrus. I come from Lysias the son of Cephalus, and I am going to take a walk outside the wall, for I have been sitting with him the whole morning; and our common friend Acumenus tells me that it is much more refreshing to walk in the open air than to be shut up in a cloister. Soc. There he is right. Lysias then, I suppose, was in the town? Phaedr. Yes, he was staying with Epicrates, here at the house of Morychus; that house which is near the temple of Olympian Zeus. Soc. And how did he entertain you? Can I be wrong in supposing that Lysias gave you a feast of discourse? Phaedr. You shall hear, if you can spare time to accompany me. Soc. And should I not deem the conversation of you and Lysias "a thing of higher import," as I may say in the words of Pindar, "than any business"? Phaedr. Will you go on? Soc. And will you go on with the narration? Phaedr. My tale, Socrates, is one of your sort, for love was the theme which occupied us -love after a fashion: Lysias has been writing about a fair youth who was being tempted, but not by a lover; and this was the point: he ingeniously proved that the non-lover should be accepted rather than the lover. Soc. O that is noble of him! I wish that he would say the poor man rather than the rich, and the old man rather than the young one; then he would meet the case of me and of many a man; his words would be quite refreshing, and he would be a public benefactor. For my part, I do so long to hear his speech, that if you walk all the way to Megara, and when you have reached the wall come back, as Herodicus recommends, without going in, I will keep you company. Phaedr. What do you mean, my good Socrates? How can you imagine that my unpractised memory can do justice to an elaborate work, which the greatest rhetorician of the age spent a long time in composing. Indeed, I cannot; I would give a great deal if I could. Soc. I believe that I know Phaedrus about as well as I know myself, and I am very sure that the speech of Lysias was repeated to him, not once only, but again and again;-he insisted on hearing it many times over and Lysias was very willing to gratify him; at last, when nothing else would do, he got hold of the book, and looked at what he most wanted to see,-this occupied him during the whole morning; -and then when he was tired with sitting, he went out to take a walk, not until, by the dog, as I believe, he had simply learned by heart the entire discourse, unless it was unusually long, and he went to a place outside the wall that he might practise his lesson. There he saw a certain lover of discourse who had a similar weakness;-he saw and rejoiced; now thought he, "I shall have a partner in my revels." And he invited him to come and walk with him. But when the lover of discourse begged that he would repeat the tale, he gave himself airs and said, "No I cannot," as if he were indisposed; although, if the hearer had refused, he would sooner or later have been compelled by him to listen whether he would or no. Therefore, Phaedrus, bid him do at once what he will soon do whether bidden or not. Phaedr. I see that you will not let me off until I speak in some fashion or other; verily therefore my best plan is to speak as I best can. Soc. A very true remark, that of yours. Phaedr. I will do as I say; but believe me, Socrates, I did not learn the very words-O no; nevertheless I have a general notion of what he said, and will give you a summary of the points in which the lover differed from the non-lover. Let me begin at the beginning. Soc. Yes, my sweet one; but you must first of all show what you have in your left hand under your cloak, for that roll, as I suspect, is the actual discourse. Now, much as I love you, I would not have you suppose that I am going to have your memory exercised at my expense, if you have Lysias himself here. Phaedr. Enough; I see that I have no hope of practising my art upon you. But if I am to read, where would you please to sit? Soc. Let us turn aside and go by the Ilissus; we will sit down at some quiet spot. Phaedr. I am fortunate in not having my sandals, and as you never have any, I think that we may go along the brook and cool our feet in the water; this will be the easiest way, and at midday and in the summer is far from being unpleasant. Soc. Lead on, and look out for a place in which we can sit down. Phaedr. Do you see the tallest plane-tree in the distance? Soc. Yes. Phaedr. There are shade and gentle breezes, and grass on which we may either sit or lie down. Soc. Move forward. Phaedr. I should like to know, Socrates, whether the place is not somewhere here at which Boreas is said to have carried off Orithyia from the banks of the Ilissus? Soc. Such is the tradition. Phaedr. And is this the exact spot? The little stream is delightfully clear and bright; I can fancy that there might be maidens playing near. Soc. I believe that the spot is not exactly here, but about a quarter of a mile lower down, where you cross to the temple of Artemis, and there is, I think, some sort of an altar of Boreas at the place. Phaedr. I have never noticed it; but I beseech you to tell me, Socrates, do you believe this tale? Soc. The wise are doubtful, and I should not be singular if, like them, I too doubted. I might have a rational explanation that Orithyia was playing with Pharmacia, when a northern gust carried her over the neighbouring rocks; and this being the manner of her death, she was said to have been carried away by Boreas. There is a discrepancy, however, about the locality; according to another version of the story she was taken from Areopagus, and not from this place. Now I quite acknowledge that these allegories are very nice, but he is not to be envied who has to invent them; much labour and ingenuity will be required of him; and when he has once begun, he must go on and rehabilitate Hippocentaurs and chimeras dire. Gorgons and winged steeds flow in apace, and numberless other inconceivable and portentous natures. And if he is sceptical about them, and would fain reduce them one after another to the rules of probability, this sort of crude philosophy will take up a great deal of time. Now I have no leisure for such enquiries; shall I tell you why? I must first know myself, as the Delphian inscription says; to be curious about that which is not my concern, while I am still in ignorance of my own self, would be ridiculous. And therefore I bid farewell to all this; the common opinion is enough for me. For, as I was saying, I want to know not about this, but about myself: am I a monster more complicated and swollen with passion than the serpent Typho, or a creature of a gentler and simpler sort, to whom Nature has given a diviner and lowlier destiny? But let me ask you, friend: have we not reached the plane-tree to which you were conducting us? Phaedr. Yes, this is the tree. Soc. By Here, a fair resting-place, full of summer sounds and scents. Here is this lofty and spreading plane-tree, and the agnus cast us high and clustering, in the fullest blossom and the greatest fragrance; and the stream which flows beneath the plane-tree is deliciously cold to the feet. Judging from the ornaments and images, this must be a spot sacred to Achelous and the Nymphs. How delightful is the breeze:-so very sweet; and there is a sound in the air shrill and summerlike which makes answer to the chorus of the cicadae. But the greatest charm of all is the grass, like a pillow gently sloping to the head. My dear Phaedrus, you have been an admirable guide. Phaedr. What an incomprehensible being you are, Socrates: when you are in the country, as you say, you really are like some stranger who is led about by a guide. Do you ever cross the border? I rather think that you never venture even outside the gates. Soc. Very true, my good friend; and I hope that you will excuse me when you hear the reason, which is, that I am a lover of knowledge, and the men who dwell in the city are my teachers, and not the trees or the country. Though I do indeed believe that you have found a spell with which to draw me out of the city into the country, like a hungry cow before whom a bough or a bunch of fruit is waved. For only hold up before me in like manner a book, and you may lead me all round Attica, and over the wide world. And now having arrived, I intend to lie down, and do you choose any posture in which you can read best. Begin. Phaedr. Listen. You know how matters stand with me; and how, as I conceive, this affair may be arranged for the advantage of both of us. And I maintain that I ought not to fail in my suit, because I am not your lover: for lovers repent of the kindnesses which they have shown when their passion ceases, but to the non-lovers who are free and not under any compulsion, no time of repentance ever comes; for they confer their benefits according to the measure of their ability, in the way which is most conducive to their own interest. Then again, lovers consider how by reason of their love they have neglected their own concerns and rendered service to others: and when to these benefits conferred they add on the troubles which they have endured, they think that they have long ago made to the beloved a very ample return. But the non-lover has no such tormenting recollections; he has never neglected his affairs or quarrelled with his relations; he has no troubles to add up or excuse to invent; and being well rid of all these evils, why should he not freely do what will gratify the beloved? If you say that the lover is more to be esteemed, because his love is thought to be greater; for he is willing to say and do what is hateful to other men, in order to please his beloved;-that, if true, is only a proof that he will prefer any future love to his present, and will injure his old love at the pleasure of the new. And how, in a matter of such infinite importance, can a man be right in trusting himself to one who is afflicted with a malady which no experienced person would attempt to cure, for the patient himself admits that he is not in his right mind, and acknowledges that he is wrong in his mind, but says that he is unable to control himself? And if he came to his right mind, would he ever imagine that the desires were good which he conceived when in his wrong mind? Once more, there are many more non-lovers than lovers; and if you choose the best of the lovers, you will not have many to choose from; but if from the non-lovers, the choice will be larger, and you will be far more likely to find among them a person who is worthy of your friendship. If public opinion be your dread, and you would avoid reproach, in all probability the lover, who is always thinking that other men are as emulous of him as he is of them, will boast to some one of his successes, and make a show of them openly in the pride of his heart;-he wants others to know that his labour has not been lost; but the non-lover is more his own master, and is desirous of solid good, and not of the opinion of mankind. Again, the lover may be generally noted or seen following the beloved (this is his regular occupation), and whenever they are observed to exchange two words they are supposed to meet about some affair of love either past or in contemplation; but when non-lovers meet, no one asks the reason why, because people know that talking to another is natural, whether friendship or mere pleasure be the motive. Once more, if you fear the fickleness of friendship, consider that in any other case a quarrel might be a mutual calamity; but now, when you have given up what is most precious to you, you will be the greater loser, and therefore, you will have more reason in being afraid of the lover, for his vexations are many, and he is always fancying that every one is leagued against him. Wherefore also he debars his beloved from society; he will not have you intimate with the wealthy, lest they should exceed him in wealth, or with men of education, lest they should be his superiors in understanding; and he is equally afraid of anybody's influence who has any other advantage over himself. If he can persuade you to break with them, you are left without friend in the world; or if, out of a regard to your own interest, you have more sense than to comply with his desire, you will have to quarrel with him. But those who are non-lovers, and whose success in love is the reward of their merit, will not be jealous of the companions of their beloved, and will rather hate those who refuse to be his associates, thinking that their favourite is slighted by the latter and benefited by the former; for more love than hatred may be expected to come to him out of his friendship with others. Many lovers too have loved the person of a youth before they knew his character or his belongings; so that when their passion has passed away, there is no knowing whether they will continue to be his friends; whereas, in the case of non-lovers who were always friends, the friendship is not lessened by the favours granted; but the recollection of these remains with them, and is an earnest of good things to come. Further, I say that you are likely to be improved by me, whereas the lover will spoil you. For they praise your words and actions in a wrong way; partly, because they are afraid of offending you, and also, their judgment is weakened by passion. Such are the feats which love exhibits; he makes things painful to the disappointed which give no pain to others; he compels the successful lover to praise what ought not to give him pleasure, and therefore the beloved is to be pitied rather than envied. But if you listen to me, in the first place, I, in my intercourse with you, shall not merely regard present enjoyment, but also future advantage, being not mastered by love, but my own master; nor for small causes taking violent dislikes, but even when the cause is great, slowly laying up little wrath-unintentional offences I shall forgive, and intentional ones I shall try to prevent; and these are the marks of a friendship which will last. Do you think that a lover only can be a firm friend? reflect:-if this were true, we should set small value on sons, or fathers, or mothers; nor should we ever have loyal friends, for our love of them arises not from passion, but from other associations. Further, if we ought to shower favours on those who are the most eager suitors,-on that principle, we ought always to do good, not to the most virtuous, but to the most needy; for they are the persons who will be most relieved, and will therefore be the most grateful; and when you make a feast you should invite not your friend, but the beggar and the empty soul; for they will love you, and attend you, and come about your doors, and will be the best pleased, and the most grateful, and will invoke many a blessing on your head. Yet surely you ought not to be granting favours to those who besiege you with prayer, but to those who are best able to reward you; nor to the lover only, but to those who are worthy of love; nor to those who will enjoy the bloom of your youth, but to those who will share their possessions with you in age; nor to those who, having succeeded, will glory in their success to others, but to those who will be modest and tell no tales; nor to those who care about you for a moment only, but to those who will continue your friends through life; nor to those who, when their passion is over, will pick a quarrel with you, but rather to those who, when the charm of youth has left you, will show their own virtue. Remember what I have said; and consider yet this further point: friends admonish the lover under the idea that his way of life is bad, but no one of his kindred ever yet censured the non-lover, or thought that he was ill-advised about his own interests. "Perhaps you will ask me whether I propose that you should indulge every non-lover. To which I reply that not even the lover would advise you to indulge all lovers, for the indiscriminate favour is less esteemed by the rational recipient, and less easily hidden by him who would escape the censure of the world. Now love ought to be for the advantage of both parties, and for the injury of neither. "I believe that I have said enough; but if there is anything more which you desire or which in your opinion needs to be supplied, ask and I will answer." Now, Socrates, what do you think? Is not the discourse excellent, more especially in the matter of the language? Soc. Yes, quite admirable; the effect on me was ravishing. And this I owe to you, Phaedrus, for I observed you while reading to be in an ecstasy, and thinking that you are more experienced in these matters than I am, I followed your example, and, like you, my divine darling, I became inspired with a phrenzy. Phaedr. Indeed, you are pleased to be merry. Soc. Do you mean that I am not in earnest? Phaedr. Now don't talk in that way, Socrates, but let me have your real opinion; I adjure you, by Zeus, the god of friendship, to tell me whether you think that any Hellene could have said more or spoken better on the same subject. Soc. Well, but are you and I expected to praise the sentiments of the author, or only the clearness, and roundness, and finish, and tournure of the language? As to the first I willingly submit to your better judgment, for I am not worthy to form an opinion, having only attended to the rhetorical manner; and I was doubting whether this could have been defended even by Lysias himself; I thought, though I speak under correction, that he repeated himself two or three times, either from want of words or from want of pains; and also, he appeared to me ostentatiously to exult in showing how well he could say the same thing in two or three ways. Phaedr. Nonsense, Socrates; what you call repetition was the especial merit of the speech; for he omitted no topic of which the subject rightly allowed, and I do not think that any one could have spoken better or more exhaustively. Soc. There I cannot go along with you. Ancient sages, men and women, who have spoken and written of these things, would rise up in judgment against me, if out of complaisance I assented to you. Phaedr. Who are they, and where did you hear anything better than this? Soc. I am sure that I must have heard; but at this moment I do not remember from whom; perhaps from Sappho the fair, or Anacreon the wise; or, possibly, from a prose writer. Why do I say so? Why, because I perceive that my bosom is full, and that I could make another speech as good as that of Lysias, and different. Now I am certain that this is not an invention of my own, who am well aware that I know nothing, and therefore I can only infer that I have been filled through the cars, like a pitcher, from the waters of another, though I have actually forgotten in my stupidity who was my informant. Phaedr. That is grand:-but never mind where you beard the discourse or from whom; let that be a mystery not to be divulged even at my earnest desire. Only, as you say, promise to make another and better oration, equal in length and entirely new, on the same subject; and I, like the nine Archons, will promise to set up a golden image at Delphi, not only of myself, but of you, and as large as life. Soc. You are a dear golden ass if you suppose me to mean that Lysias has altogether missed the mark, and that I can make a speech from which all his arguments are to be excluded. The worst of authors will say something which is to the point. Who, for example, could speak on this thesis of yours without praising the discretion of the non-lover and blaming the indiscretion of the lover? These are the commonplaces of the subject which must come in (for what else is there to be said?) and must be allowed and excused; the only merit is in the arrangement of them, for there can be none in the invention; but when you leave the commonplaces, then there may be some originality. Phaedr. I admit that there is reason in what you say, and I too will be reasonable, and will allow you to start with the premiss that the lover is more disordered in his wits than the non-lover; if in what remains you make a longer and better speech than Lysias, and use other arguments, then I say again, that a statue you shall have of beaten gold, and take your place by the colossal offerings of the Cypselids at Olympia. Soc. How profoundly in earnest is the lover, because to tease him I lay a finger upon his love! And so, Phaedrus, you really imagine that I am going to improve upon the ingenuity of Lysias? Phaedr. There I have you as you had me, and you must just speak "as you best can." Do not let us exchange "tu quoque" as in a farce, or compel me to say to you as you said to me, "I know Socrates as well as I know myself, and he was wanting to, speak, but he gave himself airs." Rather I would have you consider that from this place we stir not until you have unbosomed yourself of the speech; for here are we all alone, and I am stronger, remember, and younger than you-Wherefore perpend, and do not compel me to use violence. Soc. But, my sweet Phaedrus, how ridiculous it would be of me to compete with Lysias in an extempore speech! He is a master in his art and I am an untaught man. Phaedr. You see how matters stand; and therefore let there be no more pretences; for, indeed, I know the word that is irresistible. Soc. Then don't say it. Phaedr. Yes, but I will; and my word shall be an oath. "I say, or rather swear"-but what god will be witness of my oath?-"By this plane-tree I swear, that unless you repeat the discourse here in the face of this very plane-tree, I will never tell you another; never let you have word of another!" Soc. Villain I am conquered; the poor lover of discourse has no more to say. Phaedr. Then why are you still at your tricks? Soc. I am not going to play tricks now that you have taken the oath, for I cannot allow myself to be starved. Phaedr. Proceed. Soc. Shall I tell you what I will do? Phaedr. What? Soc. I will veil my face and gallop through the discourse as fast as I can, for if I see you I shall feel ashamed and not know what to say. Phaedr. Only go on and you may do anything else which you please. Soc. Come, O ye Muses, melodious, as ye are called, whether you have received this name from the character of your strains, or because the Melians are a musical race, help, O help me in the tale which my good friend here desires me to rehearse, in order that his friend whom he always deemed wise may seem to him to be wiser than ever. Once upon a time there was a fair boy, or, more properly speaking, a youth; he was very fair and had a great many lovers; and there was one special cunning one, who had persuaded the youth that he did not love him, but he really loved him all the same; and one day when he was paying his addresses to him, he used this very argument-that he ought to accept the non-lover rather than the lover; his words were as follows:- "All good counsel begins in the same way; a man should know what he is advising about, or his counsel will all come to nought. But people imagine that they know about the nature of things, when they don't know about them, and, not having come to an understanding at first because they think that they know, they end, as might be expected, in contradicting one another and themselves. Now you and I must not be guilty of this fundamental error which we condemn in others; but as our question is whether the lover or non-lover is to be preferred, let us first of all agree in defining the nature and power of love, and then, keeping our eyes upon the definition and to this appealing, let us further enquire whether love brings advantage or disadvantage. "Every one sees that love is a desire, and we know also that non-lovers desire the beautiful and good. Now in what way is the lover to be distinguished from the non-lover? Let us note that in every one of us there are two guiding and ruling principles which lead us whither they will; one is the natural desire of pleasure, the other is an acquired opinion which aspires after the best; and these two are sometimes in harmony and then again at war, and sometimes the one, sometimes the other conquers. When opinion by the help of reason leads us to the best, the conquering principle is called temperance; but when desire, which is devoid of reason, rules in us and drags us to pleasure, that power of misrule is called excess. Now excess has many names, and many members, and many forms, and any of these forms when very marked gives a name, neither honourable nor creditable, to the bearer of the name. The desire of eating, for example, which gets the better of the higher reason and the other desires, is called gluttony, and he who is possessed by it is called a glutton-I the tyrannical desire of drink, which inclines the possessor of the desire to drink, has a name which is only too obvious, and there can be as little doubt by what name any other appetite of the same family would be called;-it will be the name of that which happens to be eluminant. And now I think that you will perceive the drift of my discourse; but as every spoken word is in a manner plainer than the unspoken, I had better say further that the irrational desire which overcomes the tendency of opinion towards right, and is led away to the enjoyment of beauty, and especially of personal beauty, by the desires which are her own kindred-that supreme desire, I say, which by leading conquers and by the force of passion is reinforced, from this very force, receiving a name, is called love." And now, dear Phaedrus, I shall pause for an instant to ask whether you do not think me, as I appear to myself, inspired? Phaedr. Yes, Socrates, you seem to have a very unusual flow of words. Soc. Listen to me, then, in silence; for surely the place is holy; so that you must not wonder, if, as I proceed, I appear to be in a divine fury, for already I am getting into dithyrambics. Phaedr. Nothing can be truer. Soc. The responsibility rests with you. But hear what follows, and Perhaps the fit may be averted; all is in their hands above. I will go on talking to my youth. Listen: Thus, my friend, we have declared and defined the nature of the subject. Keeping the definition in view, let us now enquire what advantage or disadvantage is likely to ensue from the lover or the non-lover to him who accepts their advances. He who is the victim of his passions and the slave of pleasure will of course desire to make his beloved as agreeable to himself as possible. Now to him who has a mind discased anything is agreeable which is not opposed to him, but that which is equal or superior is hateful to him, and therefore the lover Will not brook any superiority or equality on the part of his beloved; he is always employed in reducing him to inferiority. And the ignorant is the inferior of the wise, the coward of the brave, the slow of speech of the speaker, the dull of the clever. These, and not these only, are the mental defects of the beloved;-defects which, when implanted by nature, are necessarily a delight to the lover, and when not implanted, he must contrive to implant them in him, if he would not be deprived of his fleeting joy. And therefore he cannot help being jealous, and will debar his beloved from the advantages of society which would make a man of him, and especially from that society which would have given him wisdom, and thereby he cannot fail to do him great harm. That is to say, in his excessive fear lest he should come to be despised in his eyes he will be compelled to banish from him divine philosophy; and there is no greater injury which he can inflict upon him than this. He will contrive that his beloved shall be wholly ignorant, and in everything shall look to him; he is to be the delight of the lover's heart, and a curse to himself. Verily, a lover is a profitable guardian and associate for him in all that relates to his mind. Let us next see how his master, whose law of life is pleasure and not good, will keep and train the body of his servant. Will he not choose a beloved who is delicate rather than sturdy and strong? One brought up in shady bowers and not in the bright sun, a stranger to manly exercises and the sweat of toil, accustomed only to a soft and luxurious diet, instead of the hues of health having the colours of paint and ornament, and the rest of a piece?-such a life as any one can imagine and which I need not detail at length. But I may sum up all that I have to say in a word, and pass on. Such a person in war, or in any of the great crises of life, will be the anxiety of his friends and also of his lover, and certainly not the terror of his enemies; which nobody can deny. And now let us tell what advantage or disadvantage the beloved will receive from the guardianship and society of his lover in the matter of his property; this is the next point to be considered. The lover will be the first to see what, indeed, will be sufficiently evident to all men, that he desires above all things to deprive his beloved of his dearest and best and holiest possessions, father, mother, kindred, friends, of all whom he thinks may be hinderers or reprovers of their most sweet converse; he will even cast a jealous eye upon his gold and silver or other property, because these make him a less easy prey, and when caught less manageable; hence he is of necessity displeased at his possession of them and rejoices at their loss; and he would like him to be wifeless, childless, homeless, as well; and the longer the better, for the longer he is all this, the longer he will enjoy him. There are some soft of animals, such as flatterers, who are dangerous and, mischievous enough, and yet nature has mingled a temporary pleasure and grace in their composition. You may say that a courtesan is hurtful, and disapprove of such creatures and their practices, and yet for the time they are very pleasant. But the lover is not only hurtful to his love; he is also an extremely disagreeable companion. The old proverb says that "birds of a feather flock together"; I suppose that equality of years inclines them to the same pleasures, and similarity begets friendship; yet you may have more than enough even of this; and verily constraint is always said to be grievous. Now the lover is not only unlike his beloved, but he forces himself upon him. For he is old and his love is young, and neither day nor night will he leave him if he can help; necessity and the sting of desire drive him on, and allure him with the pleasure which he receives from seeing, hearing, touching, perceiving him in every way. And therefore he is delighted to fasten upon him and to minister to him. But what pleasure or consolation can the beloved be receiving all this time? Must he not feel the extremity of disgust when he looks at an old shrivelled face and the remainder to match, which even in a description is disagreeable, and quite detestable when he is forced into daily contact with his lover; moreover he is jealously watched and guarded against everything and everybody, and has to hear misplaced and exaggerated praises of himself, and censures equally inappropriate, which are intolerable when the man is sober, and, besides being intolerable, are published all over the world in all their indelicacy and wearisomeness when he is drunk. And not only while his love continues is he mischievous and unpleasant, but when his love ceases he becomes a perfidious enemy of him on whom he showered his oaths and prayers and promises, and yet could hardly prevail upon him to tolerate the tedium of his company even from motives of interest. The hour of payment arrives, and now he is the servant of another master; instead of love and infatuation, wisdom and temperance are his bosom's lords; but the beloved has not discovered the change which has taken place in him, when he asks for a return and recalls to his recollection former sayings and doings; he believes himself to be speaking to the same person, and the other, not having the courage to confess the truth, and not knowing how to fulfil the oaths and promises which he made when under the dominion of folly, and having now grown wise and temperate, does not want to do as he did or to be as he was before. And so he runs away and is constrained to be a defaulter; the oyster-shell has fallen with the other side uppermost-he changes pursuit into flight, while the other is compelled to follow him with passion and imprecation not knowing that he ought never from the first to have accepted a demented lover instead of a sensible non-lover; and that in making such a choice he was giving himself up to a faithless, morose, envious, disagreeable being, hurtful to his estate, hurtful to his bodily health, and still more hurtful to the cultivation of his mind, than which there neither is nor ever will be anything more honoured in the eyes both of gods and men. Consider this, fair youth, and know that in the friendship of the lover there is no real kindness; he has an appetite and wants to feed upon you:
As wolves love lambs so lovers love their loves.
But I told you so, I am speaking in verse, and therefore I had better make an end; enough. Phaedr. I thought that you were only halfway and were going to make a similar speech about all the advantages of accepting the non-lover. Why do you not proceed? Soc. Does not your simplicity observe that I have got out of dithyrambics into heroics, when only uttering a censure on the lover? And if I am to add the praises of the non-lover, what will become of me? Do you not perceive that I am already overtaken by the Nymphs to whom you have mischievously exposed me? And therefore will only add that the non-lover has all the advantages in which the lover is accused of being deficient. And now I will say no more; there has been enough of both of them. Leaving the tale to its fate, I will cross the river and make the best of my way home, lest a worse thing be inflicted upon me by you. Phaedr. Not yet, Socrates; not until the heat of the day has passed; do you not see that the hour is almost noon? there is the midday sun standing still, as people say, in the meridian. Let us rather stay and talk over what has been said, and then return in the cool. Soc. Your love of discourse, Phaedrus, is superhuman, simply marvellous, and I do not believe that there is any one of your contemporaries who has either made or in one way or another has compelled others to make an equal number of speeches. I would except Simmias the Theban, but all the rest are far behind you. And now, I do verily believe that you have been the cause of another. Phaedr. That is good news. But what do you mean? Soc. I mean to say that as I was about to cross the stream the usual sign was given to me,-that sign which always forbids, but never bids, me to do anything which I am going to do; and I thought that I heard a voice saying in my car that I had been guilty of impiety, and. that I must not go away until I had made an atonement. Now I am a diviner, though not a very good one, but I have enough religion for my own use, as you might say of a bad writer-his writing is good enough for him; and I am beginning to see that I was in error. O my friend, how prophetic is the human soul! At the time I had a sort of misgiving, and, like Ibycus, "I was troubled; I feared that I might be buying honour from men at the price of sinning against the gods." Now I recognize my error. Phaedr. What error? Soc. That was a dreadful speech which you brought with you, and you made me utter one as bad. Phaedr. How so? Soc. It was foolish, I say,-to a certain extent, impious; can anything be more dreadful? Phaedr. Nothing, if the speech was really such as you describe. Soc. Well, and is not Eros the son of Aphrodite, and a god? Phaedr. So men say. Soc. But that was not acknowledged by Lysias in his speech, nor by you in that other speech which you by a charm drew from my lips. For if love be, as he surely is, a divinity, he cannot be evil. Yet this was the error of both the speeches. There was also a simplicity about them which was refreshing; having no truth or honesty in them, nevertheless they pretended to be something, hoping to succeed in deceiving the manikins of earth and gain celebrity among them. Wherefore I must have a purgation. And I bethink me of an ancient purgation of mythological error which was devised, not by Homer, for he never had the wit to discover why he was blind, but by Stesichorus, who was a philosopher and knew the reason why; and therefore, when he lost his eyes, for that was the penalty which was inflicted upon him for reviling the lovely Helen, he at once purged himself. And the purgation was a recantation, which began thus,-
False is that word of mine-the truth is that thou didst not embark in ships, nor ever go to the walls of Troy;
and when he had completed his poem, which is called "the recantation," immediately his sight returned to him. Now I will be wiser than either Stesichorus or Homer, in that I am going to make my recantation for reviling love before I suffer; and this I will attempt, not as before, veiled and ashamed, but with forehead bold and bare. Phaedr. Nothing could be more agreeable to me than to hear you say so. Soc. Only think, my good Phaedrus, what an utter want of delicacy was shown in the two discourses; I mean, in my own and in that which you recited out of the book. Would not any one who was himself of a noble and gentle nature, and who loved or ever had loved a nature like his own, when we tell of the petty causes of lovers' jealousies, and of their exceeding animosities, and of the injuries which they do to their beloved, have imagined that our ideas of love were taken from some haunt of sailors to which good manners were unknown-he would certainly never have admitted the justice of our censure? Phaedr. I dare say not, Socrates. Soc. Therefore, because I blush at the thought of this person, and also because I am afraid of Love himself, I desire to wash the brine out of my ears with water from the spring; and I would counsel Lysias not to delay, but to write another discourse, which shall prove that ceteris paribus the lover ought to be accepted rather than the non-lover. Phaedr. Be assured that he shall. You shall speak the praises of the lover, and Lysias shall be compelled by me to write another discourse on the same theme. Soc. You will be true to your nature in that, and therefore I believe you. Phaedr. Speak, and fear not. Soc. But where is the fair youth whom I was addressing before, and who ought to listen now; lest, if he hear me not, he should accept a non-lover before he knows what he is doing? Phaedr. He is close at hand, and always at your service. Soc. Know then, fair youth, that the former discourse was the word of Phaedrus, the son of Vain Man, who dwells in the city of Myrrhina (Myrrhinusius). And this which I am about to utter is the recantation of Stesichorus the son of Godly Man (Euphemus), who comes from the town of Desire (Himera), and is to the following effect: "I told a lie when I said" that the beloved ought to accept the non-lover when he might have the lover, because the one is sane, and the other mad. It might be so if madness were simply an evil; but there is also a madness which is a divine gift, and the source of the chiefest blessings granted to men. For prophecy is a madness, and the prophetess at Delphi and the priestesses at Dodona when out of their senses have conferred great benefits on Hellas, both in public and private life, but when in their senses few or none. And I might also tell you how the Sibyl and other inspired persons have given to many an one many an intimation of the future which has saved them from falling. But it would be tedious to speak of what every one knows. There will be more reason in appealing to the ancient inventors of names, who would never have connected prophecy (mantike) which foretells the future and is the noblest of arts, with madness (manike), or called them both by the same name, if they had deemed madness to be a disgrace or dishonour;-they must have thought that there was an inspired madness which was a noble thing; for the two words, mantike and manike, are really the same, and the letter t is only a modern and tasteless insertion. And this is confirmed by the name which was given by them to the rational investigation of futurity, whether made by the help of birds or of other signs-this, for as much as it is an art which supplies from the reasoning faculty mind (nous) and information (istoria) to human thought (oiesis) they originally termed oionoistike, but the word has been lately altered and made sonorous by the modern introduction of the letter Omega (oionoistike and oionistike), and in proportion prophecy (mantike) is more perfect and august than augury, both in name and fact, in the same proportion, as the ancients testify, is madness superior to a sane mind (sophrosune) for the one is only of human, but the other of divine origin. Again, where plagues and mightiest woes have bred in certain families, owing to some ancient blood-guiltiness, there madness has entered with holy prayers and rites, and by inspired utterances found a way of deliverance for those who are in need; and he who has part in this gift, and is truly possessed and duly out of his mind, is by the use of purifications and mysteries made whole and except from evil, future as well as present, and has a release from the calamity which was afflicting him. The third kind is the madness of those who are possessed by the Muses; which taking hold of a delicate and virgin soul, and there inspiring frenzy, awakens lyrical and all other numbers; with these adorning the myriad actions of ancient heroes for the instruction of posterity. But he who, having no touch of the Muses' madness in his soul, comes to the door and thinks that he will get into the temple by the help of art-he, I say, and his poetry are not admitted; the sane man disappears and is nowhere when he enters into rivalry with the madman. I might tell of many other noble deeds which have sprung from inspired madness. And therefore, let no one frighten or flutter us by saying that the temperate friend is to be chosen rather than the inspired, but let him further show that love is not sent by the gods for any good to lover or beloved; if he can do so we will allow him to carry off the palm. And we, on our part, will prove in answer to him that the madness of love is the greatest of heaven's blessings, and the proof shall be one which the wise will receive, and the witling disbelieve. But first of all, let us view the affections and actions of the soul divine and human, and try to ascertain the truth about them. The beginning of our proof is as follows:- The soul through all her being is immortal, for that which is ever in motion is immortal; but that which moves another and is moved by another, in ceasing to move ceases also to live. Only the self-moving, never leaving self, never ceases to move, and is the fountain and beginning of motion to all that moves besides. Now, the beginning is unbegotten, for that which is begotten has a beginning; but the beginning is begotten of nothing, for if it were begotten of something, then the begotten would not come from a beginning. But if unbegotten, it must also be indestructible; for if beginning were destroyed, there could be no beginning out of anything, nor anything out of a beginning; and all things must have a beginning. And therefore the self-moving is the beginning of motion; and this can neither be destroyed nor begotten, else the whole heavens and all creation would collapse and stand still, and never again have motion or birth. But if the self-moving is proved to be immortal, he who affirms that self-motion is the very idea and essence of the soul will not be put to confusion. For the body which is moved from without is soulless; but that which is moved from within has a soul, for such is the nature of the soul. But if this be true, must not the soul be the self-moving, and therefore of necessity unbegotten and immortal? Enough of the soul's immortality. Of the nature of the soul, though her true form be ever a theme of large and more than mortal discourse, let me speak briefly, and in a figure. And let the figure be composite-a pair of winged horses and a charioteer. Now the winged horses and the charioteers of the gods are all of them noble and of noble descent, but those of other races are mixed; the human charioteer drives his in a pair; and one of them is noble and of noble breed, and the other is ignoble and of ignoble breed; and the driving of them of necessity gives a great deal of trouble to him. I will endeavour to explain to you in what way the mortal differs from the immortal creature. The soul in her totality has the care of inanimate being everywhere, and traverses the whole heaven in divers forms appearing--when perfect and fully winged she soars upward, and orders the whole world; whereas the imperfect soul, losing her wings and drooping in her flight at last settles on the solid ground-there, finding a home, she receives an earthly frame which appears to be self-moved, but is really moved by her power; and this composition of soul and body is called a living and mortal creature. For immortal no such union can be reasonably believed to be; although fancy, not having seen nor surely known the nature of God, may imagine an immortal creature having both a body and also a soul which are united throughout all time. Let that, however, be as God wills, and be spoken of acceptably to him. And now let us ask the reason why the soul loses her wings! The wing is the corporeal element which is most akin to the divine, and which by nature tends to soar aloft and carry that which gravitates downwards into the upper region, which is the habitation of the gods. The divine is beauty, wisdom, goodness, and the like; and by these the wing of the soul is nourished, and grows apace; but when fed upon evil and foulness and the opposite of good, wastes and falls away. Zeus, the mighty lord, holding the reins of a winged chariot, leads the way in heaven, ordering all and taking care of all; and there follows him the array of gods and demigods, marshalled in eleven bands; Hestia alone abides at home in the house of heaven; of the rest they who are reckoned among the princely twelve march in their appointed order. They see many blessed sights in the inner heaven, and there are many ways to and fro, along which the blessed gods are passing, every one doing his own work; he may follow who will and can, for jealousy has no place in the celestial choir. But when they go to banquet and festival, then they move up the steep to the top of the vault of heaven. The chariots of the gods in even poise, obeying the rein, glide rapidly; but the others labour, for the vicious steed goes heavily, weighing down the charioteer to the earth when his steed has not been thoroughly trained:-and this is the hour of agony and extremest conflict for the soul. For the immortals, when they are at the end of their course, go forth and stand upon the outside of heaven, and the revolution of the spheres carries them round, and they behold the things beyond. But of the heaven which is above the heavens, what earthly poet ever did or ever will sing worthily? It is such as I will describe; for I must dare to speak the truth, when truth is my theme. There abides the very being with which true knowledge is concerned; the colourless, formless, intangible essence, visible only to mind, the pilot of the soul. The divine intelligence, being nurtured upon mind and pure knowledge, and the intelligence of every soul which is capable of receiving the food proper to it, rejoices at beholding reality, and once more gazing upon truth, is replenished and made glad, until the revolution of the worlds brings her round again to the same place. In the revolution she beholds justice, and temperance, and knowledge absolute, not in the form of generation or of relation, which men call existence, but knowledge absolute in existence absolute; and beholding the other true existences in like manner, and feasting upon them, she passes down into the interior of the heavens and returns home; and there the charioteer putting up his horses at the stall, gives them ambrosia to eat and nectar to drink. Such is the life of the gods; but of other souls, that which follows God best and is likest to him lifts the head of the charioteer into the outer world, and is carried round in the revolution, troubled indeed by the steeds, and with difficulty beholding true being; while another only rises and falls, and sees, and again fails to see by reason of the unruliness of the steeds. The rest of the souls are also longing after the upper world and they all follow, but not being strong enough they are carried round below the surface, plunging, treading on one another, each striving to be first; and there is confusion and perspiration and the extremity of effort; and many of them are lamed or have their wings broken through the ill-driving of the charioteers; and all of them after a fruitless toil, not having attained to the mysteries of true being, go away, and feed upon opinion. The reason why the souls exhibit this exceeding eagerness to behold the plain of truth is that pasturage is found there, which is suited to the highest part of the soul; and the wing on which the soul soars is nourished with this. And there is a law of Destiny, that the soul which attains any vision of truth in company with a god is preserved from harm until the next period, and if attaining always is always unharmed. But when she is unable to follow, and fails to behold the truth, and through some ill-hap sinks beneath the double load of forgetfulness and vice, and her wings fall from her and she drops to the ground, then the law ordains that this soul shall at her first birth pass, not into any other animal, but only into man; and the soul which has seen most of truth shall come to the birth as a philosopher, or artist, or some musical and loving nature; that which has seen truth in the second degree shall be some righteous king or warrior chief; the soul which is of the third class shall be a politician, or economist, or trader; the fourth shall be lover of gymnastic toils, or a physician; the fifth shall lead the life of a prophet or hierophant; to the sixth the character of poet or some other imitative artist will be assigned; to the seventh the life of an artisan or husbandman; to the eighth that of a sophist or demagogue; to the ninth that of a tyrant-all these are states of probation, in which he who does righteously improves, and he who does unrighteously, improves, and he who does unrighteously, deteriorates his lot. Ten thousand years must elapse before the soul of each one can return to the place from whence she came, for she cannot grow her wings in less; only the soul of a philosopher, guileless and true, or the soul of a lover, who is not devoid of philosophy, may acquire wings in the third of the recurring periods of a thousand years; he is distinguished from the ordinary good man who gains wings in three thousand years:-and they who choose this life three times in succession have wings given them, and go away at the end of three thousand years. But the others receive judgment when they have completed their first life, and after the judgment they go, some of them to the houses of correction which are under the earth, and are punished; others to some place in heaven whither they are lightly borne by justice, and there they live in a manner worthy of the life which they led here when in the form of men. And at the end of the first thousand years the good souls and also the evil souls both come to draw lots and choose their second life, and they may take any which they please. The soul of a man may pass into the life of a beast, or from the beast return again into the man. But the soul which has never seen the truth will not pass into the human form. For a man must have intelligence of universals, and be able to proceed from the many particulars of sense to one conception of reason;-this is the recollection of those things which our soul once saw while following God-when regardless of that which we now call being she raised her head up towards the true being. And therefore the mind of the philosopher alone has wings; and this is just, for he is always, according to the measure of his abilities, clinging in recollection to those things in which God abides, and in beholding which He is what He is. And he who employs aright these memories is ever being initiated into perfect mysteries and alone becomes truly perfect. But, as he forgets earthly interests and is rapt in the divine, the vulgar deem him mad, and rebuke him; they do not see that he is inspired. Thus far I have been speaking of the fourth and last kind of madness, which is imputed to him who, when he sees the beauty of earth, is transported with the recollection of the true beauty; he would like to fly away, but he cannot; he is like a bird fluttering and looking upward and careless of the world below; and he is therefore thought to be mad. And I have shown this of all inspirations to be the noblest and highest and the offspring of the highest to him who has or shares in it, and that he who loves the beautiful is called a lover because he partakes of it. For, as has been already said, every soul of man has in the way of nature beheld true being; this was the condition of her passing into the form of man. But all souls do not easily recall the things of the other world; they may have seen them for a short time only, or they may have been unfortunate in their earthly lot, and, having had their hearts turned to unrighteousness through some corrupting influence, they may have lost the memory of the holy things which once they saw. Few only retain an adequate remembrance of them; and they, when they behold here any image of that other world, are rapt in amazement; but they are ignorant of what this rapture means, because they do not clearly perceive. For there is no light of justice or temperance or any of the higher ideas which are precious to souls in the earthly copies of them: they are seen through a glass dimly; and there are few who, going to the images, behold in them the realities, and these only with difficulty. There was a time when with the rest of the happy band they saw beauty shining in brightness-we philosophers following in the train of Zeus, others in company with other gods; and then we beheld the beatific vision and were initiated into a mystery which may be truly called most blessed, celebrated by us in our state of innocence, before we had any experience of evils to come, when we were admitted to the sight of apparitions innocent and simple and calm and happy, which we beheld shining impure light, pure ourselves and not yet enshrined in that living tomb which we carry about, now that we are imprisoned in the body, like an oyster in his shell. Let me linger over the memory of scenes which have passed away. But of beauty, I repeat again that we saw her there shining in company with the celestial forms; and coming to earth we find her here too, shining in clearness through the clearest aperture of sense. For sight is the most piercing of our bodily senses; though not by that is wisdom seen; her loveliness would have been transporting if there had been a visible image of her, and the other ideas, if they had visible counterparts, would be equally lovely. But this is the privilege of beauty, that being the loveliest she is also the most palpable to sight. Now he who is not newly initiated or who has become corrupted, does not easily rise out of this world to the sight of true beauty in the other; he looks only at her earthly namesake, and instead of being awed at the sight of her, he is given over to pleasure, and like a brutish beast he rushes on to enjoy and beget; he consorts with wantonness, and is not afraid or ashamed of pursuing pleasure in violation of nature. But he whose initiation is recent, and who has been the spectator of many glories in the other world, is amazed when he sees any one having a godlike face or form, which is the expression of divine beauty; and at first a shudder runs through him, and again the old awe steals over him; then looking upon the face of his beloved as of a god he reverences him, and if he were not afraid of being thought a downright madman, he would sacrifice to his beloved as to the image of a god; then while he gazes on him there is a sort of reaction, and the shudder passes into an unusual heat and perspiration; for, as he receives the effluence of beauty through the eyes, the wing moistens and he warms. And as he warms, the parts out of which the wing grew, and which had been hitherto closed and rigid, and had prevented the wing from shooting forth, are melted, and as nourishment streams upon him, the lower end of the wings begins to swell and grow from the root upwards; and the growth extends under the whole soul-for once the whole was winged. During this process the whole soul is all in a state of ebullition and effervescence,-which may be compared to the irritation and uneasiness in the gums at the time of cutting teeth,-bubbles up, and has a feeling of uneasiness and tickling; but when in like manner the soul is beginning to grow wings, the beauty of the beloved meets her eye and she receives the sensible warm motion of particles which flow towards her, therefore called emotion (imeros), and is refreshed and warmed by them, and then she ceases from her pain with joy. But when she is parted from her beloved and her moisture fails, then the orifices of the passage out of which the wing shoots dry up and close, and intercept the germ of the wing; which, being shut up with the emotion, throbbing as with the pulsations of an artery, pricks the aperture which is nearest, until at length the entire soul is pierced and maddened and pained, and at the recollection of beauty is again delighted. And from both of them together the soul is oppressed at the strangeness of her condition, and is in a great strait and excitement, and in her madness can neither sleep by night nor abide in her place by day. And wherever she thinks that she will behold the beautiful one, thither in her desire she runs. And when she has seen him, and bathed herself in the waters of beauty, her constraint is loosened, and she is refreshed, and has no more pangs and pains; and this is the sweetest of all pleasures at the time, and is the reason why the soul of the lover will never forsake his beautiful one, whom he esteems above all; he has forgotten mother and brethren and companions, and he thinks nothing of the neglect and loss of his property; the rules and proprieties of life, on which he formerly prided himself, he now despises, and is ready to sleep like a servant, wherever he is allowed, as near as he can to his desired one, who is the object of his worship, and the physician who can alone assuage the greatness of his pain. And this state, my dear imaginary youth to whom I am talking, is by men called love, and among the gods has a name at which you, in your simplicity, may be inclined to mock; there are two lines in the apocryphal writings of Homer in which the name occurs. One of them is rather outrageous, and not altogether metrical. They are as follows:
Mortals call him fluttering love, But the immortals call him winged one, Because the growing of wings is a necessity to him.
You may believe this, but not unless you like. At any rate the loves of lovers and their causes are such as I have described. Now the lover who is taken to be the attendant of Zeus is better able to bear the winged god, and can endure a heavier burden; but the attendants and companions of Ares, when under the influence of love, if they fancy that they have been at all wronged, are ready to kill and put an end to themselves and their beloved. And he who follows in the train of any other god, while he is unspoiled and the impression lasts, honours and imitates him, as far as he is able; and after the manner of his god he behaves in his intercourse with his beloved and with the rest of the world during the first period of his earthly existence. Every one chooses his love from the ranks of beauty according to his character, and this he makes his god, and fashions and adorns as a sort of image which he is to fall down and worship. The followers of Zeus desire that their beloved should have a soul like him; and therefore they seek out some one of a philosophical and imperial nature, and when they have found him and loved him, they do all they can to confirm such a nature in him, and if they have no experience of such a disposition hitherto, they learn of any one who can teach them, and themselves follow in the same way. And they have the less difficulty in finding the nature of their own god in themselves, because they have been compelled to gaze intensely on him; their recollection clings to him, and they become possessed of him, and receive from him their character and disposition, so far as man can participate in God. The qualities of their god they attribute to the beloved, wherefore they love him all the more, and if, like the Bacchic Nymphs, they draw inspiration from Zeus, they pour out their own fountain upon him, wanting to make him as like as possible to their own god. But those who are the followers of Here seek a royal love, and when they have found him they do just the same with him; and in like manner the followers of Apollo, and of every other god walking in the ways of their god, seek a love who is to be made like him whom they serve, and when they have found him, they themselves imitate their god, and persuade their love to do the same, and educate him into the manner and nature of the god as far as they each can; for no feelings of envy or jealousy are entertained by them towards their beloved, but they do their utmost to create in him the greatest likeness of themselves and of the god whom they honour. Thus fair and blissful to the beloved is the desire of the inspired lover, and the initiation of which I speak into the mysteries of true love, if he be captured by the lover and their purpose is effected. Now the beloved is taken captive in the following manner:- As I said at the beginning of this tale, I divided each soul into three-two horses and a charioteer; and one of the horses was good and the other bad: the division may remain, but I have not yet explained in what the goodness or badness of either consists, and to that I will proceed. The right-hand horse is upright and cleanly made; he has a lofty neck and an aquiline nose; his colour is white, and his eyes dark; he is a lover of honour and modesty and temperance, and the follower of true glory; he needs no touch of the whip, but is guided by word and admonition only. The other is a crooked lumbering animal, put together anyhow; he has a short thick neck; he is flat-faced and of a dark colour, with grey eyes and blood-red complexion; the mate of insolence and pride, shag-eared and deaf, hardly yielding to whip and spur. Now when the charioteer beholds the vision of love, and has his whole soul warmed through sense, and is full of the prickings and ticklings of desire, the obedient steed, then as always under the government of shame, refrains from leaping on the beloved; but the other, heedless of |
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Date: April 10th, 2006 5:20 AM Author: but the other, heedless of the pricks and of the blows of the whip, plunges and runs away, giving all manner of trouble to his companion and the charioteer, whom he forces to approach the beloved and to remember the joys of love. They at first indignantly oppose him and will not be urged on to do terrible and unlawful deeds; but at last, when he persists in plaguing them, they yield and agree to do as he bids them. And now they are at the spot and behold the flashing beauty of the beloved; which when the charioteer sees, his memory is carried to the true beauty, whom he beholds in company with Modesty like an image placed upon a holy pedestal. He sees her, but he is afraid and falls backwards in adoration, and by his fall is compelled to pull back the reins with such violence as to bring both the steeds on their haunches, the one willing and unresisting, the unruly one very unwilling; and when they have gone back a little, the one is overcome with shame and wonder, and his whole soul is bathed in perspiration; the other, when the pain is over which the bridle and the fall had given him, having with difficulty taken breath, is full of wrath and reproaches, which he heaps upon the charioteer and his fellow-steed, for want of courage and manhood, declaring that they have been false to their agreement and guilty of desertion. Again they refuse, and again he urges them on, and will scarce yield to their prayer that he would wait until another time. When the appointed hour comes, they make as if they had forgotten, and he reminds them, fighting and neighing and dragging them on, until at length he, on the same thoughts intent, forces them to draw near again. And when they are near he stoops his head and puts up his tail, and takes the bit in his teeth. and pulls shamelessly. Then the charioteer is. worse off than ever; he falls back like a racer at the barrier, and with a still more violent wrench drags the bit out of the teeth of the wild steed and covers his abusive tongue and-jaws with blood, and forces his legs and haunches to the ground and punishes him sorely. And when this has happened several times and the villain has ceased from his wanton way, he is tamed and humbled, and follows the will of the charioteer, and when he sees the beautiful one he is ready to die of fear. And from that time forward the soul of the lover follows the beloved in modesty and holy fear. And so the beloved who, like a god, has received every true and loyal service from his lover, not in pretence but in reality, being also himself of a nature friendly to his admirer, if in former days he has blushed to own his passion and turned away his lover, because his youthful companions or others slanderously told him that he would be disgraced, now as years advance, at the appointed age and time, is led to receive him into communion. For fate which has ordained that there shall be no friendship among the evil has also ordained that there shall ever be friendship among the good. And the beloved when he has received him into communion and intimacy, is quite amazed at the good-will of the lover; he recognises that the inspired friend is worth all other friends or kinsmen; they have nothing of friendship in them worthy to be compared with his. And when his feeling continues and he is nearer to him and embraces him, in gymnastic exercises and at other times of meeting, then the fountain of that stream, which Zeus when he was in love with Ganymede named Desire, overflows upon the lover, and some enters into his soul, and some when he is filled flows out again; and as a breeze or an echo rebounds from the smooth rocks and returns whence it came, so does the stream of beauty, passing through the eyes which are the windows of the soul, come back to the beautiful one; there arriving and quickening the passages of the wings, watering. them and inclining them to grow, and filling the soul of the beloved also with love. And thus he loves, but he knows not what; he does not understand and cannot explain his own state; he appears to have caught the infection of blindness from another; the lover is his mirror in whom he is beholding himself, but he is not aware of this. When he is with the lover, both cease from their pain, but when he is away then he longs as he is longed for, and has love's image, love for love (Anteros) lodging in his breast, which he calls and believes to be not love but friendship only, and his desire is as the desire of the other, but weaker; he wants to see him, touch him, kiss him, embrace him, and probably not long afterwards his desire is accomplished. When they meet, the wanton steed of the lover has a word to say to the charioteer; he would like to have a little pleasure in return for many pains, but the wanton steed of the beloved says not a word, for he is bursting with passion which he understands not;-he throws his arms round the lover and embraces him as his dearest friend; and, when they are side by side, he is not in it state in which he can refuse the lover anything, if he ask him; although his fellow-steed and the charioteer oppose him with the arguments of shame and reason. After this their happiness depends upon their self-control; if the better elements of the mind which lead to order and philosophy prevail, then they pass their life here in happiness and harmony-masters of themselves and orderly-enslaving the vicious and emancipating the virtuous elements of the soul; and when the end comes, they are light and winged for flight, having conquered in one of the three heavenly or truly Olympian victories; nor can human discipline or divine inspiration confer any greater blessing on man than this. If, on the other hand, they leave philosophy and lead the lower life of ambition, then probably, after wine or in some other careless hour, the two wanton animals take the two souls when off their guard and bring them together, and they accomplish that desire of their hearts which to the many is bliss; and this having once enjoyed they continue to enjoy, yet rarely because they have not the approval of the whole soul. They too are dear, but not so dear to one another as the others, either at the time of their love or afterwards. They consider that they have given and taken from each other the most sacred pledges, and they may not break them and fall into enmity. At last they pass out of the body, unwinged, but eager to soar, and thus obtain no mean reward of love and madness. For those who have once begun the heavenward pilgrimage may not go down again to darkness and the journey beneath the earth, but they live in light always; happy companions in their pilgrimage, and when the time comes at which they receive their wings they have the same plumage because of their love. Thus great are the heavenly blessings which the friendship of a lover will confer upon you, my youth. Whereas the attachment of the non-lover, which is alloyed with a worldly prudence and has worldly and niggardly ways of doling out benefits, will breed in your soul those vulgar qualities which the populace applaud, will send you bowling round the earth during a period of nine thousand years, and leave, you a fool in the world below. And thus, dear Eros, I have made and paid my recantation, as well and as fairly as I could; more especially in the matter of the poetical figures which I was compelled to use, because Phaedrus would have them. And now forgive the past and accept the present, and be gracious and merciful to me, and do not in thine anger deprive me of sight, or take from me the art of love which thou hast given me, but grant that I may be yet more esteemed in the eyes of the fair. And if Phaedrus or I myself said anything rude in our first speeches, blame Lysias, who is the father of the brat, and let us have no more of his progeny; bid him study philosophy, like his brother Polemarchus; and then his lover Phaedrus will no longer halt between two opinions, but will dedicate himself wholly to love and to philosophical discourses. Phaedr. I join in the prayer, Socrates, and say with you, if this be for my good, may your words come to pass. But why did you make your second oration so much finer than the first? I wonder why. And I begin to be afraid that I shall lose conceit of Lysias, and that he will appear tame in comparison, even if he be willing to put another as fine and as long as yours into the field, which I doubt. For quite lately one of your politicians was abusing him on this very account; and called him a "speech writer" again and again. So that a feeling of pride may probably induce him to give up writing speeches. Soc. What a very amusing notion! But I think, my young man, that you are much mistaken in your friend if you imagine that he is frightened at a little noise; and possibly, you think that his assailant was in earnest? Phaedr. I thought, Socrates, that he was. And you are aware that the greatest and most influential statesmen are ashamed of writing speeches and leaving them in a written form, lest they should be called Sophists by posterity. Soc. You seem to be unconscious, Phaedrus, that the "sweet elbow" of the proverb is really the long arm of the Nile. And you appear to be equally unaware of the fact that this sweet elbow of theirs is also a long arm. For there is nothing of which our great politicians are so fond as of writing speeches and bequeathing them to posterity. And they add their admirers' names at the top of the writing, out of gratitude to them. Phaedr. What do you mean? I do not understand. Soc. Why, do you not know that when a politician writes, he begins with the names of his approvers? Phaedr. How so? Soc. Why, he begins in this manner: "Be it enacted by the senate, the people, or both, on the motion of a certain person," who is our author; and so putting on a serious face, he proceeds to display his own wisdom to his admirers in what is often a long and tedious composition. Now what is that sort of thing but a regular piece of authorship? Phaedr. True. Soc. And if the law is finally approved, then the author leaves the theatre in high delight; but if the law is rejected and he is done out of his speech-making, and not thought good enough to write, then he and his party are in mourning. Phaedr. Very true. Soc. So far are they from despising, or rather so highly do they value the practice of writing. Phaedr. No doubt. Soc. And when the king or orator has the power, as Lycurgus or Solon or Darius had, of attaining an immortality or authorship in a state, is he not thought by posterity, when they see his compositions, and does he not think himself, while he is yet alive, to be a god? Phaedr. Very true. Soc. Then do you think that any one of this class, however ill-disposed, would reproach Lysias with being an author? Phaedr. Not upon your view; for according to you he would be casting a slur upon his own favourite pursuit. Soc. Any one may see that there is no disgrace in the mere fact of writing. Phaedr. Certainly not. Soc. The disgrace begins when a man writes not well, but badly. Phaedr. Clearly. Soc. And what is well and what is badly-need we ask Lysias, or any other poet or orator, who ever wrote or will write either a political or any other work, in metre or out of metre, poet or prose writer, to teach us this? Phaedr. Need we? For what should a man live if not for the pleasures of discourse? Surely not for the sake of bodily pleasures, which almost always have previous pain as a condition of them, and therefore are rightly called slavish. Soc. There is time enough. And I believe that the grasshoppers chirruping after their manner in the heat of the sun over our heads are talking to one another and looking down at us. What would they say if they saw that we, like the many, are not conversing, but slumbering at mid-day, lulled by their voices, too indolent to think? Would they not have a right to laugh at us? They might imagine that we were slaves, who, coming to rest at a place of resort of theirs, like sheep lie asleep at noon around the well. But if they see us discoursing, and like Odysseus sailing past them, deaf to their siren voices, they may perhaps, out of respect, give us of the gifts which they receive from the gods that they may impart them to men. Phaedr. What gifts do you mean? I never heard of any. Soc. A lover of music like yourself ought surely to have heard the story of the grasshoppers, who are said to have been human beings in an age before the Muses. And when the Muses came and song appeared they were ravished with delight; and singing always, never thought of eating and drinking, until at last in their forgetfulness they died. And now they live again in the grasshoppers; and this is the return which the Muses make to them-they neither hunger, nor thirst, but from the hour of their birth are always singing, and never eating or drinking; and when they die they go and inform the Muses in heaven who honours them on earth. They win the love of Terpsichore for the dancers by their report of them; of Erato for the lovers, and of the other Muses for those who do them honour, according to the several ways of honouring them of Calliope the eldest Muse and of Urania who is next to her, for the philosophers, of whose music the grasshoppers make report to them; for these are the Muses who are chiefly concerned with heaven and thought, divine as well as human, and they have the sweetest utterance. For many reasons, then, we ought always to talk and not to sleep at mid-day. Phaedr. Let us talk. Soc. Shall we discuss the rules of writing and speech as we were proposing? Phaedr. Very good. Soc. In good speaking should not the mind of the speaker know the truth of the matter about which he is going to speak? Phaedr. And yet, Socrates, I have heard that he who would be an orator has nothing to do with true justice, but only with that which is likely to be approved by the many who sit in judgment; nor with the truly good or honourable, but only with opinion about them, and that from opinion comes persuasion, and not from the truth. Soc. The words of the wise are not to be set aside; for there is probably something in them; and therefore the meaning of this saying is not hastily to be dismissed. Phaedr. Very true. Soc. Let us put the matter thus:-Suppose that I persuaded you to buy a horse and go to the wars. Neither of us knew what a horse was like, but I knew that you believed a horse to be of tame animals the one which has the longest ears. Phaedr. That would be ridiculous. Soc. There is something more ridiculous coming:-Suppose, further, that in sober earnest I, having persuaded you of this, went and composed a speech in honour of an ass, whom I entitled a horse beginning: "A noble animal and a most useful possession, especially in war, and you may get on his back and fight, and he will carry baggage or anything." Phaedr. How ridiculous! Soc. Ridiculous! Yes; but is not even a ridiculous friend better than a cunning enemy? Phaedr. Certainly. Soc. And when the orator instead of putting an ass in the place of a horse puts good for evil being himself as ignorant of their true nature as the city on which he imposes is ignorant; and having studied the notions of the multitude, falsely persuades them not about "the shadow of an ass," which he confounds with a horse, but about good which he confounds with evily-what will be the harvest which rhetoric will be likely to gather after the sowing of that seed? Phaedr. The reverse of good. Soc. But perhaps rhetoric has been getting too roughly handled by us, and she might answer: What amazing nonsense you are talking! As if I forced any man to learn to speak in ignorance of the truth! Whatever my advice may be worth, I should have told him to arrive at the truth first, and then come to me. At the same time I boldly assert that mere knowledge of the truth will not give you the art of persuasion. Phaedr. There is reason in the lady's defence of herself. Soc. Quite true; if only the other arguments which remain to be brought up bear her witness that she is an art at all. But I seem to hear them arraying themselves on the opposite side, declaring that she speaks falsely, and that rhetoric is a mere routine and trick, not an art. Lo! a Spartan appears, and says that there never is nor ever will be a real art of speaking which is divorced from the truth. Phaedr. And what are these arguments, Socrates? Bring them out that we may examine them. Soc. Come out, fair children, and convince Phaedrus, who is the father of similar beauties, that he will never be able to speak about anything as he ought to speak unless he have a knowledge of philosophy. And let Phaedrus answer you. Phaedr. Put the question. Soc. Is not rhetoric, taken generally, a universal art of enchanting the mind by arguments; which is practised not only in courts and public assemblies, but in private houses also, having to do with all matters, great as well as small, good and bad alike, and is in all equally right, and equally to be esteemed-that is what you have heard? Phaedr. Nay, not exactly that; I should say rather that I have heard the art confined to speaking and writing in lawsuits, and to speaking in public assemblies-not extended farther. Soc. Then I suppose that you have only heard of the rhetoric of Nestor and Odysseus, which they composed in their leisure hours when at Troy, and never of the rhetoric of Palamedes? Phaedr. No more than of Nestor and Odysseus, unless Gorgias is your Nestor, and Thrasymachus or Theodorus your Odysseus. Soc. Perhaps that is my meaning. But let us leave them. And do you tell me, instead, what are plaintiff and defendant doing in a law court-are they not contending? Phaedr. Exactly so. Soc. About the just and unjust-that is the matter in dispute? Phaedr. Yes. Soc. And a professor of the art will make the same thing appear to the same persons to be at one time just, at another time, if he is so inclined, to be unjust? Phaedr. Exactly. Soc. And when he speaks in the assembly, he will make the same things seem good to the city at one time, and at another time the reverse of good? Phaedr. That is true. Soc. Have we not heard of the Eleatic Palamedes (Zeno), who has an art of speaking by which he makes the same things appear to his hearers like and unlike, one and many, at rest and in motion? Phaedr. Very true. Soc. The art of disputation, then, is not confined to the courts and the assembly, but is one and the same in every use of language; this is the art, if there be such an art, which is able to find a likeness of everything to which a likeness can be found, and draws into the light of day the likenesses and disguises which are used by others? Phaedr. How do you mean? Soc. Let me put the matter thus: When will there be more chance of deception-when the difference is large or small? Phaedr. When the difference is small. Soc. And you will be less likely to be discovered in passing by degrees into the other extreme than when you go all at once? Phaedr. Of course. Soc. He, then, who would. deceive others, and not be deceived, must exactly know the real likenesses and differences of things? Phaedr. He must. Soc. And if he is ignorant of the true nature of any subject, how can he detect the greater or less degree of likeness in other things to that of which by the hypothesis he is ignorant? Phaedr. He cannot. Soc. And when men are deceived and their notions are at variance with realities, it is clear that the error slips in through resemblances? Phaedr. Yes, that is the way. Soc. Then he who would be a master of the art must understand the real nature of everything; or he will never know either how to make the gradual departure from truth into the opposite of truth which is effected by the help of resemblances, or how to avoid it? Phaedr. He will not. Soc. He then, who being ignorant of the truth aims at appearances, will only attain an art of rhetoric which is ridiculous and is not an art at all? Phaedr. That may be expected. Soc. Shall I propose that we look for examples of art and want of art, according to our notion of them, in the speech of Lysias which you have in your hand, and in my own speech? Phaedr. Nothing could be better; and indeed I think that our previous argument has been too abstract and-wanting in illustrations. Soc. Yes; and the two speeches happen to afford a very good example of the way in which the speaker who knows the truth may, without any serious purpose, steal away the hearts of his hearers. This piece of good-fortune I attribute to the local deities; and perhaps, the prophets of the Muses who are singing over our heads may have imparted their inspiration to me. For I do not imagine that I have any rhetorical art of my own. Phaedr. Granted; if you will only please to get on. Soc. Suppose that you read me the first words of Lysias' speech. Phaedr. "You know how matters stand with me, and how, as I conceive, they might be arranged for our common interest; and I maintain that I ought not to fail in my suit, because I am not your lover. For lovers repent-" Soc. Enough:-Now, shall I point out the rhetorical error of those words? Phaedr. Yes. Soc. Every one is aware that about some things we are agreed, whereas about other things we differ. Phaedr. I think that I understand you; but will you explain yourself? Soc. When any one speaks of iron and silver, is not the same thing present in the minds of all? Phaedr. Certainly. Soc. But when any one speaks of justice and goodness we part company and are at odds with one another and with ourselves? Phaedr. Precisely. Soc. Then in some things we agree, but not in others? Phaedr. That is true. Soc. In which are we more likely to be deceived, and in which has rhetoric the greater power? Phaedr. Clearly, in the uncertain class. Soc. Then the rhetorician ought to make a regular division, and acquire a distinct notion of both classes, as well of that in which the many err, as of that in which they do not err? Phaedr. He who made such a distinction would have an excellent principle. Soc. Yes; and in the next place he must have a keen eye for the observation of particulars in speaking, and not make a mistake about the class to which they are to be referred. Phaedr. Certainly. Soc. Now to which class does love belong-to the debatable or to the undisputed class? Phaedr. To the debatable, clearly; for if not, do you think that love would have allowed you to say as you did, that he is an evil both to the lover and the beloved, and also the greatest possible good? Soc. Capital. But will you tell me whether I defined love at the beginning of my speech? for, having been in an ecstasy, I cannot well remember. Phaedr. Yes, indeed; that you did, and no mistake. Soc. Then I perceive that the Nymphs of Achelous and Pan the son of Hermes, who inspired me, were far better rhetoricians than Lysias the son of Cephalus. Alas! how inferior to them he is! But perhaps I am mistaken; and Lysias at the commencement of his lover's speech did insist on our supposing love to be something or other which he fancied him to be, and according to this model he fashioned and framed the remainder of his discourse. Suppose we read his beginning over again: Phaedr. If you please; but you will not find what you want. Soc, Read, that I may have his exact words. Phaedr. "You know how matters stand with and how, as I conceive, they might be arranged for our common interest; and I maintain I ought not to fail in my suit because I am not your lover, for lovers repent of the kindnesses which they have shown, when their love is over." Soc. Here he appears to have done just the reverse of what he ought; for he has begun at the end, and is swimming on his back through the flood to the place of starting. His address to the fair youth begins where the lover would have ended. Am I not right, sweet Phaedrus? Phaedr. Yes, indeed, Socrates; he does begin at the end. Soc. Then as to the other topics-are they not thrown down anyhow? Is there any principle in them? Why should the next topic follow next in order, or any other topic? I cannot help fancying in my ignorance that he wrote off boldly just what came into his head, but I dare say that you would recognize a rhetorical necessity in the succession of the several parts of the composition? Phaedr. You have too good an opinion of me if you think that I have any such insight into his principles of composition. Soc. At any rate, you will allow that every discourse ought to be a living creature, having a body of its own and a head and feet; there should be a middle, beginning, and end, adapted to one another and to the whole? Phaedr. Certainly. Soc. Can this be said of the discourse of Lysias? See whether you can find any more connexion in his words than in the epitaph which is said by some to have been inscribed on the grave of Midas the Phrygian. Phaedr. What is there remarkable in the epitaph? Soc. It is as follows:-
I am a maiden of bronze and lie on the tomb of Midas; So long as water flows and tall trees grow, So long here on this spot by his sad tomb abiding, I shall declare to passers-by that Midas sleeps below.
Now in this rhyme whether a line comes first or comes last, as you will perceive, makes no difference. Phaedr. You are making fun of that oration of ours. Soc. Well, I will say no more about your friend's speech lest I should give offence to you; although I think that it might furnish many other examples of what a man ought rather to avoid. But I will proceed to the other speech, which, as I think, is also suggestive to students of rhetoric. Phaedr. In what way? Soc. The two speeches, as you may remember, were unlike-I the one argued that the lover and the other that the non-lover ought to be accepted. Phaedr. And right manfully. Soc. You should rather say "madly"; and madness was the argument of them, for, as I said, "love is a madness." Phaedr. Yes. Soc. And of madness there were two kinds; one produced by human infirmity, the other was a divine release of the soul from the yoke of custom and convention. Phaedr. True. Soc. The divine madness was subdivided into four kinds, prophetic, initiatory, poetic, erotic, having four gods presiding over them; the first was the inspiration of Apollo, the second that of Dionysus, the third that of the Muses, the fourth that of Aphrodite and Eros. In the description of the last kind of madness, which was also said to be the best, we spoke of the affection of love in a figure, into which we introduced a tolerably credible and possibly true though partly erring myth, which was also a hymn in honour of Love, who is your lord and also mine, Phaedrus, and the guardian of fair children, and to him we sung the hymn in measured and solemn strain. Phaedr. I know that I had great pleasure in listening to you. Soc. Let us take this instance and note how the transition was made from blame to praise. Phaedr. What do you mean? Soc. I mean to say that the composition was mostly playful. Yet in these chance fancies of the hour were involved two principles of which we should be too glad to have a clearer description if art could give us one. Phaedr. What are they? Soc. First, the comprehension of scattered particulars in one idea; as in our definition of love, which whether true or false certainly gave clearness and consistency to the discourse, the speaker should define his several notions and so make his meaning clear. Phaedr. What is the other principle, Socrates? Soc. The second principle is that of division into species according to the natural formation, where the joint is, not breaking any part as a bad carver might. Just as our two discourses, alike assumed, first of all, a single form of unreason; and then, as the body which from being one becomes double and may be divided into a left side and right side, each having parts right and left of the same name-after this manner the speaker proceeded to divide the parts of the left side and did not desist until he found in them an evil or left-handed love which he justly reviled; and the other discourse leading us to the madness which lay on the right side, found another love, also having the same name, but divine, which the speaker held up before us and applauded and affirmed to be the author of the greatest benefits. Phaedr. Most true. Soc. I am myself a great lover of these processes of division and generalization; they help me to speak and to think. And if I find any man who is able to see "a One and Many" in nature, him I follow, and "walk in his footsteps as if he were a god." And those who have this art, I have hitherto been in the habit of calling dialecticians; but God knows whether the name is right or not. And I should like to know what name you would give to your or to Lysias' disciples, and whether this may not be that famous art of rhetoric which Thrasymachus and others teach and practise? Skilful speakers they are, and impart their skill to any who is willing to make kings of them and to bring gifts to them. Phaedr. Yes, they are royal men; but their art is not the same with the art of those whom you call, and rightly, in my opinion, dialecticians:-Still we are in the dark about rhetoric. Soc. What do you mean? The remains of it, if there be anything remaining which can be brought under rules of art, must be a fine thing; and, at any rate, is not to be despised by you and me. But how much is left? Phaedr. There is a great deal surely to be found in books of rhetoric? Soc. Yes; thank you for reminding me:-There is the exordium, showing how the speech should begin, if I remember rightly; that is what you mean-the niceties of the art? Phaedr. Yes. Soc. Then follows the statement of facts, and upon that witnesses; thirdly, proofs; fourthly, probabilities are to come; the great Byzantian word-maker also speaks, if I am not mistaken, of confirmation and further confirmation. Phaedr. You mean the excellent Theodorus. Soc. Yes; and he tells how refutation or further refutation is to be managed, whether in accusation or defence. I ought also to mention the illustrious Parian, Evenus, who first invented insinuations and indirect praises; and also indirect censures, which according to some he put into verse to help the memory. But shall I "to dumb forgetfulness consign" Tisias and Gorgias, who are not ignorant that probability is superior to truth, and who by: force of argument make the little appear great and the great little, disguise the new in old fashions and the old in new fashions, and have discovered forms for everything, either short or going on to infinity. I remember Prodicus laughing when I told him of this; he said that he had himself discovered the true rule of art, which was to be neither long nor short, but of a convenient length. Phaedr. Well done, Prodicus! Soc. Then there is Hippias the Elean stranger, who probably agrees with him. Phaedr. Yes. Soc. And there is also Polus, who has treasuries of diplasiology, and gnomology, and eikonology, and who teaches in them the names of which Licymnius made him a present; they were to give a polish. Phaedr. Had not Protagoras something of the same sort? Soc. Yes, rules of correct diction and many other fine precepts; for the "sorrows of a poor old man," or any other pathetic case, no one is better than the Chalcedonian giant; he can put a whole company of people into a passion and out of one again by his mighty magic, and is first-rate at inventing or disposing of any sort of calumny on any grounds or none. All of them agree in asserting that a speech should end in a recapitulation, though they do not all agree to use the same word. Phaedr. You mean that there should be a summing up of the arguments in order to remind the hearers of them. Soc. I have now said all that I have to say of the art of rhetoric: have you anything to add? Phaedr. Not much; nothing very important. Soc. Leave the unimportant and let us bring the really important question into the light of day, which is: What power has this art of rhetoric, and when? Phaedr. A very great power in public meetings. Soc. It has. But I should like to know whether you have the same feeling as I have about the rhetoricians? To me there seem to be a great many holes in their web. Phaedr. Give an example. Soc. I will. Suppose a person to come to your friend Eryximachus, or to his father Acumenus, and to say to him: "I know how to apply drugs which shall have either a heating or a cooling effect, and I can give a vomit and also a purge, and all that sort of thing; and knowing all this, as I do, I claim to be a physician and to make physicians by imparting this knowledge to others,"-what do you suppose that they would say? Phaedr. They would be sure to ask him whether he knew "to whom" he would give his medicines, and "when," and "how much." Soc. And suppose that he were to reply: "No; I know nothing of all that; I expect the patient who consults me to be able to do these things for himself"? Phaedr. They would say in reply that he is a madman or pedant who fancies that he is a physician because he has read something in a book, or has stumbled on a prescription or two, although he has no real understanding of the art of medicine. Soc. And suppose a person were to come to Sophocles or Euripides and say that he knows how to make a very long speech about a small matter, and a short speech about a great matter, and also a sorrowful speech, or a terrible, or threatening speech, or any other kind of speech, and in teaching this fancies that he is teaching the art of tragedy-? Phaedr. They too would surely laugh at him if he fancies that tragedy is anything but the arranging of these elements in a manner which will be suitable to one another and to the whole. Soc. But I do not suppose that they would be rude or abusive to him: Would they not treat him as a musician would a man who thinks that he is a harmonist because he knows how to pitch the highest and lowest notes; happening to meet such an one he would not say to him savagely, "Fool, you are mad!" But like a musician, in a gentle and harmonious tone of voice, he would answer: "My good friend, he who would be a harmonist must certainly know this, and yet he may understand nothing of harmony if he has not got beyond your stage of knowledge, for you only know the preliminaries of harmony and not harmony itself." Phaedr. Very true. Soc. And will not Sophocles say to the display of the would-be tragedian, that this is not tragedy but the preliminaries of tragedy? and will not Acumenus say the same of medicine to the would-be physician? Phaedr. Quite true. Soc. And if Adrastus the mellifluous or Pericles heard of these wonderful arts, brachylogies and eikonologies and all the hard names which we have been endeavouring to draw into the light of day, what would they say? Instead of losing temper and applying uncomplimentary epithets, as you and I have been doing, to the authors of such an imaginary art, their superior wisdom would rather censure us, as well as them. "Have a little patience, Phaedrus and Socrates, they would say; you should not be in such a passion with those who from some want of dialectical skill are unable to define the nature of rhetoric, and consequently suppose that they have found the art in the preliminary conditions of it, and when these have been taught by them to others, fancy that the whole art of rhetoric has been taught by them; but as to using the several instruments of the art effectively, or making the composition a whole,-an application of it such as this is they regard as an easy thing which their disciples may make for themselves." Phaedr. I quite admit, Socrates, that the art of rhetoric which these men teach and of which they write is such as you describe-there I agree with you. But I still want to know where and how the true art of rhetoric and persuasion is to be acquired. Soc. The perfection which is required of the finished orator is, or rather must be, like the perfection of anything else; partly given by nature, but may also be assisted by art. If you have the natural power and add to it knowledge and practice, you will be a distinguished speaker; if you fall short in either of these, you will be to that extent defective. But the art, as far as there is an art, of rhetoric does not lie in the direction of Lysias or Thrasymachus. Phaedr. In what direction then? Soc. I conceive Pericles to have been the most accomplished of rhetoricians. Phaedr. What of that? Soc. All the great arts require discussion and high speculation about the truths of nature; hence come loftiness of thought and completeness of execution. And this, as I conceive, was the quality which, in addition to his natural gifts, Pericles acquired from his intercourse with Anaxagoras whom he happened to know. He was thus imbued with the higher philosophy, and attained the knowledge of Mind and the negative of Mind, which were favourite themes of Anaxagoras, and applied what suited his purpose to the art of speaking. Phaedr. Explain. Soc. Rhetoric is like medicine. Phaedr. How so? Soc. Why, because medicine has to define the nature of the body and rhetoric of the soul-if we would proceed, not empirically but scientifically, in the one case to impart health and strength by giving medicine and food in the other to implant the conviction or virtue which you desire, by the right application of words and training. Phaedr. There, Socrates, I suspect that you are right. Soc. And do you think that you can know the nature of the soul intelligently without knowing the nature of the whole? Phaedr. Hippocrates the Asclepiad says that the nature even of the body can only be understood as a whole. Soc. Yes, friend, and he was right:-still, we ought not to be content with the name of Hippocrates, but to examine and see whether his argument agrees with his conception of nature. Phaedr. I agree. Soc. Then consider what truth as well as Hippocrates says about this or about any other nature. Ought we not to consider first whether that which we wish to learn and to teach is a simple or multiform thing, and if simple, then to enquire what power it has of acting or being acted upon in relation to other things, and if multiform, then to number the forms; and see first in the case of one of them, and then in. case of all of them, what is that power of acting or being acted upon which makes each and all of them to be what they are? Phaedr. You may very likely be right, Socrates. Soc. The method which proceeds without analysis is like the groping of a blind man. Yet, surely, he who is an artist ought not to admit of a comparison with the blind, or deaf. The rhetorician, who teaches his pupil to speak scientifically, will particularly set forth the nature of that being to which he addresses his speeches; and this, I conceive, to be the soul. Phaedr. Certainly. Soc. His whole effort is directed to the soul; for in that he seeks to produce conviction. Phaedr. Yes. Soc. Then clearly, Thrasymachus or any one else who teaches rhetoric in earnest will give an exact description of the nature of the soul; which will enable us to see whether she be single and same, or, like the body, multiform. That is what we should call showing the nature of the soul. Phaedr. Exactly. Soc. He will explain, secondly, the mode in which she acts or is acted upon. Phaedr. True. Soc. Thirdly, having classified men and speeches, and their kinds and affections, and adapted them to one another, he will tell the reasons of his arrangement, and show why one soul is persuaded by a particular form of argument, and another not. Phaedr. You have hit upon a very good way. Soc. Yes, that is the true and only way in which any subject can be set forth or treated by rules of art, whether in speaking or writing. But the writers of the present day, at whose feet you have sat, craftily, conceal the nature of the soul which they know quite well. Nor, until they adopt our method of reading and writing, can we admit that they write by rules of art? Phaedr. What is our method? Soc. I cannot give you the exact details; but I should like to tell you generally, as far as is in my power, how a man ought to proceed according to rules of art. Phaedr. Let me hear. Soc. Oratory is the art of enchanting the soul, and therefore he who would be an orator has to learn the differences of human souls-they are so many and of such a nature, and from them come the differences between man and man. Having proceeded thus far in his analysis, he will next divide speeches into their different classes:-"Such and such persons," he will say, are affected by this or that kind of speech in this or that way," and he will tell you why. The pupil must have a good theoretical notion of them first, and then he must have experience of them in actual life, and be able to follow them with all his senses about him, or he will never get beyond the precepts of his masters. But when he understands what persons are persuaded by what arguments, and sees the person about whom he was speaking in the abstract actually before him, and knows that it is he, and can say to himself, "This is the man or this is the character who ought to have a certain argument applied to him in order to convince him of a certain opinion"; -he who knows all this, and knows also when he should speak and when he should refrain, and when he should use pithy sayings, pathetic appeals, sensational effects, and all the other modes of speech which he has learned;-when, I say, he knows the times and seasons of all these things, then, and not till then, he is a perfect master of his art; but if he fail in any of these points, whether in speaking or teaching or writing them, and yet declares that he speaks by rules of art, he who says "I don't believe you" has the better of him. Well, the teacher will say, is this, and Socrates, your account of the so-called art of rhetoric, or am I to look for another? Phaedr. He must take this, Socrates for there is no possibility of another, and yet the creation of such an art is not easy. Soc. Very true; and therefore let us consider this matter in every light, and see whether we cannot find a shorter and easier road; there is no use in taking a long rough round-about way if there be a shorter and easier one. And I wish that you would try and remember whether you have heard from Lysias or any one else anything which might be of service to us. Phaedr. If trying would avail, then I might; but at the moment I can think of nothing. Soc. Suppose I tell you something which somebody who knows told me. Phaedr. Certainly. Soc. May not "the wolf," as the proverb says, claim a hearing"? Phaedr. Do you say what can be said for him. Soc. He will argue that is no use in putting a solemn face on these matters, or in going round and round, until you arrive at first principles; for, as I said at first, when the question is of justice and good, or is a question in which men are concerned who are just and good, either by nature or habit, he who would be a skilful rhetorician has; no need of truth-for that in courts of law men literally care nothing about truth, but only about conviction: and this is based on probability, to which who would be a skilful orator should therefore give his whole attention. And they say also that there are cases in which the actual facts, if they are improbable, ought to be withheld, and only the probabilities should be told either in accusation or defence, and that always in speaking, the orator should keep probability in view, and say good-bye to the truth. And the observance, of this principle throughout a speech furnishes the whole art. Phaedr. That is what the professors of rhetoric do actually say, Socrates. I have not forgotten that we have quite briefly touched upon this matter already; with them the point is all-important. Soc. I dare say that you are familiar with Tisias. Does he not define probability to be that which the many think? Phaedr. Certainly, he does. Soc. I believe that he has a clever and ingenious case of this sort:-He supposes a feeble and valiant man to have assaulted a strong and cowardly one, and to have robbed him of his coat or of something or other; he is brought into court, and then Tisias says that both parties should tell lies: the coward should say that he was assaulted by more men than one; the other should prove that they were alone, and should argue thus: "How could a weak man like me have assaulted a strong man like him?" The complainant will not like to confess his own cowardice, and will therefore invent some other lie which his adversary will thus gain an opportunity of refuting. And there are other devices of the same kind which have a place in the system. Am I not right, Phaedrus? Phaedr. Certainly. Soc. Bless me, what a wonderfully mysterious art is this which Tisias or some other gentleman, in whatever name or country he rejoices, has discovered. Shall we say a word to him or not? Phaedr. What shall we say to him? Soc. Let us tell him that, before he appeared, you and I were saying that the probability of which he speaks was engendered in the minds of the many by the likeness of the truth, and we had just been affirming that he who knew the truth would always know best how to discover the resemblances of the truth. If he has anything else to say about the art of speaking we should like to hear him; but if not, we are satisfied with our own view, that unless a man estimates the various characters of his heaters and is able to divide all things into classes and to comprehend them under single ideas he will never be a skilful rhetorician even within the limits of human power. And this skill he will not attain without a great deal of trouble, which a good man ought to undergo, not for the sake of speaking and acting before men, but in order that he may be able to say what is acceptable to God and always to act acceptably to Him as far as in him lies; for there is a saying of wiser men than ourselves, that a man of sense should not try to please his fellow-servants (at least this should not be his first object) but his good and noble masters; and therefore if the way is long and circuitous, marvel not at this, for, where the end is great, there we may take the longer road, but not for lesser ends such as yours. Truly, the argument may say, Tisias, that if you do not mind going so far, rhetoric has a fair beginning here. Phaedr. I think, Socrates, that this is admirable, if only practicable. Soc. But even to fail in an honourable object is honourable. Phaedr. True. Soc. Enough appears to have been said by us of a true and false art of speaking. Phaedr. Certainly. Soc. But there is something yet to be said of propriety and impropriety of writing. Phaedr. Yes. Soc. Do you know how you can speak or act about rhetoric in a manner which will be acceptable to God? Phaedr. No, indeed. Do you? Soc. I have heard a tradition of the ancients, whether true or not they only know; although if we had found the truth ourselves, do you think that we should care much about the opinions of men? Phaedr. Your question needs no answer; but I wish that you would tell me what you say that you have heard. Soc. At the Egyptian city of Naucratis, there was a famous old god, whose name was Theuth; the bird which is called the Ibis is sacred to him, and he was the inventor of many arts, such as arithmetic and calculation and geometry and astronomy and draughts and dice, but his great discovery was the use of letters. Now in those days the god Thamus was the king of the whole country of Egypt; and he dwelt in that great city of Upper Egypt which the Hellenes call Egyptian Thebes, and the god himself is called by them Ammon. To came Theuth and showed his inventions, desiring that the other Egyptians might be allowed to have the benefit of the he enumerated them, and Thamus enquired about their several uses, and praised some of them and censured others, as he approved or disapproved of them. It would take a long time to repeat all that Thamus said to Theuth in praise or blame of the various arts. But when they came to letters, This, said Theuth, will make the Egyptians wiser and give them better memories; it is a specific both for the memory and for the wit. Thamus replied: O most ingenious Theuth, the parent or inventor of an art is not always the best judge of the utility or inutility of his own inventions to the users of them. And in this instance, you who are the father of letters, from a paternal love of your own children have been led to attribute to them a quality which they cannot have; for this discovery of yours will create forgetfulness in the learners' souls, because they will not use their memories; they will trust to the external written characters and not remember of themselves. The specific which you have discovered is an aid not to memory, but to reminiscence, and you give your disciples not truth, but only the semblance of truth; they will be hearers of many things and will have learned nothing; they will appear to be omniscient and will generally know nothing; they will be tiresome company, having the show of wisdom without the reality. Phaedr. Yes, Socrates, you can easily invent tales of Egypt, or of any other country. Soc. There was a tradition in the temple of Dodona that oaks first gave prophetic utterances. The men of old, unlike in their simplicity to young philosophy, deemed that if they heard the truth even from "oak or rock," it was enough for them; whereas you seem to consider not whether a thing is or is not true, but who the speaker is and from what country the tale comes. Phaedr. I acknowledge the justice of your rebuke; and I think that the Theban is right in his view about letters. Soc. He would be a very simple person, and quite a stranger to the oracles of Thamus or Ammon, who should leave in writing or receive in writing any art under the idea that the written word would be intelligible or certain; or who deemed that writing was at all better than knowledge and recollection of the same matters? Phaedr. That is most true. Soc. I cannot help feeling, Phaedrus, that writing is unfortunately like painting; for the creations of the painter have the attitude of life, and yet if you ask them a question they preserve a solemn silence. And the same may be said of speeches. You would imagine that they had intelligence, but if you want to know anything and put a question to one of them, the speaker always gives one unvarying answer. And when they have been once written down they are tumbled about anywhere among those who may or may not understand them, and know not to whom they should reply, to whom not: and, if they are maltreated or abused, they have no parent to protect them; and they cannot protect or defend themselves. Phaedr. That again is most true. Soc. Is there not another kind of word or speech far better than this, and having far greater power-a son of the same family, but lawfully begotten? Phaedr. Whom do you mean, and what is his origin? Soc. I mean an intelligent word graven in the soul of the learner, which can defend itself, and knows when to speak and when to be silent. Phaedr. You mean the living word of knowledge which has a soul, and of which written word is properly no more than an image? Soc. Yes, of course that is what I mean. And now may I be allowed to ask you a question: Would a husbandman, who is a man of sense, take the seeds, which he values and which he wishes to bear fruit, and in sober seriousness plant them during the heat of summer, in some garden of Adonis, that he may rejoice when he sees them in eight days appearing in beauty? at least he would do so, if at all, only for the sake of amusement and pastime. But when he is in earnest he sows in fitting soil, and practises husbandry, and is satisfied if in eight months the seeds which he has sown arrive at perfection? Phaedr. Yes, Socrates, that will be his way when he is in earnest; he will do the other, as you say, only in play. Soc. And can we suppose that he who knows the just and good and honourable has less understanding, than the husbandman, about his own seeds? Phaedr. Certainly not. Soc. Then he will not seriously incline to "write" his thoughts "in water" with pen and ink, sowing words which can neither speak for themselves nor teach the truth adequately to others? Phaedr. No, that is not likely. Soc. No, that is not likely-in the garden of letters he will sow and plant, but only for the sake of recreation and amusement; he will write them down as memorials to be treasured against the forgetfulness of old age, by himself, or by any other old man who is treading the same path. He will rejoice in beholding their tender growth; and while others are refreshing their souls with banqueting and the like, this will be the pastime in which his days are spent. Phaedr. A pastime, Socrates, as noble as the other is ignoble, the pastime of a man who can be amused by serious talk, and can discourse merrily about justice and the like. Soc. True, Phaedrus. But nobler far is the serious pursuit of the dialectician, who, finding a congenial soul, by the help of science sows and plants therein words which are able to help themselves and him who planted them, and are not unfruitful, but have in them a seed which others brought up in different soils render immortal, making the possessors of it happy to the utmost extent of human happiness. Phaedr. Far nobler, certainly. Soc. And now, Phaedrus, having agreed upon the premises we decide about the conclusion. Phaedr. About what conclusion? Soc. About Lysias, whom we censured, and his art of writing, and his discourses, and the rhetorical skill or want of skill which was shown in them-these are the questions which we sought to determine, and they brought us to this point. And I think that we are now pretty well informed about the nature of art and its opposite. Phaedr. Yes, I think with you; but I wish that you would repeat what was said. Soc. Until a man knows the truth of the several particulars of which he is writing or speaking, and is able to define them as they are, and having defined them again to divide them until they can be no longer divided, and until in like manner he is able to discern the nature of the soul, and discover the different modes of discourse which are adapted to different natures, and to arrange and dispose them in such a way that the simple form of speech may be addressed to the simpler nature, and the complex and composite to the more complex nature-until he has accomplished all this, he will be unable to handle arguments according to rules of art, as far as their nature allows them to be subjected to art, either for the purpose of teaching or persuading;-such is the view which is implied in the whole preceding argument. Phaedr. Yes, that was our view, certainly. Soc. Secondly, as to the censure which was passed on the speaking or writing of discourses, and how they might be rightly or wrongly censured-did not our previous argument show?- Phaedr. Show what? Soc. That whether Lysias or any other writer that ever was or will be, whether private man or statesman, proposes laws and so becomes the author of a political treatise, fancying that there is any great certainty and clearness in his performance, the fact of his so writing is only a disgrace to him, whatever men may say. For not to know the nature of justice and injustice, and good and evil, and not to be able to distinguish the dream from the reality, cannot in truth be otherwise than disgraceful to him, even though he have the applause of the whole world. Phaedr. Certainly. Soc. But he who thinks that in the written word there is necessarily much which is not serious, and that neither poetry nor prose, spoken or written, is of any great value, if, like the compositions of the rhapsodes, they are only recited in order to be believed, and not with any view to criticism or instruction; and who thinks that even the best of writings are but a reminiscence of what we know, and that only in principles of justice and goodness and nobility taught and communicated orally for the sake of instruction and graven in the soul, which is the true way of writing, is there clearness and perfection and seriousness, and that such principles are a man's own and his legitimate offspring;-being, in the first place, the word which he finds in his own bosom; secondly, the brethren and descendants and relations of his others;-and who cares for them and no others-this is the right sort of man; and you and I, Phaedrus, would pray that we may become like him. Phaedr. That is most assuredly my desire and prayer. Soc. And now the play is played out; and of rhetoric enough. Go and tell Lysias that to the fountain and school of the Nymphs we went down, and were bidden by them to convey a message to him and to other composers of speeches-to Homer and other writers of poems, whether set to music or not; and to Solon and others who have composed writings in the form of political discourses which they would term laws-to all of them we are to say that if their compositions are based on knowledge of the truth, and they can defend or prove them, when they are put to the test, by spoken arguments, which leave their writings poor in comparison of them, then they are to be called, not only poets, orators, legislators, but are worthy of a higher name, befitting the serious pursuit of their life. Phaedr. What name would you assign to them? Soc. Wise, I may not call them; for that is a great name which belongs to God alone,-lovers of wisdom or philosophers is their modest and befitting title. Phaedr. Very suitable. Soc. And he who cannot rise above his own compilations and compositions, which he has been long patching, and piecing, adding some and taking away some, may be justly called poet or speech-maker or law-maker. Phaedr. Certainly. Soc. Now go and tell this to your companion. Phaedr. But there is also a friend of yours who ought not to be forgotten. Soc. Who is he? Phaedr. Isocrates the fair:-What message will you send to him, and how shall we describe him? Soc. Isocrates is still young, Phaedrus; but I am willing to hazard a prophecy concerning him. Phaedr. What would you prophesy? Soc. I think that he has a genius which soars above the orations of Lysias, and that his character is cast in a finer mould. My impression of him is that he will marvelously improve as he grows older, and that all former rhetoricians will be as children in comparison of him. And I believe that he will not be satisfied with rhetoric, but that there is in him a divine inspiration which will lead him to things higher still. For he has an element of philosophy in his nature. This is the message of the gods dwelling in this place, and which I will myself deliver to Isocrates, who is my delight; and do you give the other to Lysias, who is yours. Phaedr. I will; and now as the heat is abated let us depart. Soc. Should we not offer up a prayer first of all to the local deities? Phaedr. By all means. Soc. Beloved Pan, and all ye other gods who haunt this place, give me beauty in the inward soul; and may the outward and inward man be at one. May I reckon the wise to be the wealthy, and may I have such a quantity of gold as a temperate man and he only can bear and carry.-Anything more? The prayer, I think, is enough for me. Phaedr. Ask the same for me, for friends should have all things in common. Soc. Let us go.
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Date: April 10th, 2006 5:22 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus Way to ruin a perfectly good thread. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5554247) |
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Date: April 10th, 2006 5:31 AM Author: FEAST DAY COOKBOOK
by KATHERINE BURTON & HELMUT RIPPERGER
David McKay Company, Inc., New York
Copyright, 1951 by Katherine Burton and Helmut Ripperger
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.
Designed by ALANSON HEWES
CONTENTS
Introduction
JANUARY
1 New Year's Day 2 Feast of Saint Macarius Handsel Monday 6 Epiphany or Twelfth Day 15 Feast of Saint Paul the Hermit 21 Feast of Saint Agnes
FEBRUARY
1 Feast of Saint Bridget 2 Candlemas Day or Feast of the Purification 3 Feast of Saint Blaise Pre-Lenten Festivals Collop Monday Shrove Tuesday Ash Wednesday 14 Feast of Saint Valentine
MARCH
1 Feast of Saint David 17 Feast of Saint Patrick 19 Feast of Saint Joseph 21 Feast of Saint Benedict 25 Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary Laetare or Mothering Sunday Passion Sunday, also called Carling Sunday Palm Sunday Maundy Thursday Good Friday
APRIL
1 Feast of Saint Hugh of Grenoble Holy Saturday Easter Sunday--Feast of the Resurrection 23 Feast of Saint George 25 Feast of Saint Mark 30 Saint Walburga's Eve
MAY
1 May Day Ascension Thursday 19 Feast of Saint Ives Pentecost or Whitsunday
JUNE
8 Feast of Saint Medard 9 Feast of Saint Columba 13 Feast of Saint Anthony 24 Feast of Saint John the Baptist 29 Feast of Saint Peter
JULY
4 Independence Day 15 Saint Swithin's Day 16 Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel 25 Feast of Saint James the Apostle 26 Feast of Saint Anne 29 Feast of Saint Martha
AUGUST
1 Lammas Day--Feast of Saint Peter in Chains 6 Feast of the Transfiguration 10 Feast of Saint Lawrence 15 Assumption Day 16 Feast of Saint Roch 20 Feast of Saint Stephen of Hungary 24 Saint Bartholomew's Day 25 Feast of Saint Louis of France
SEPTEMBER
1 Feast of Saint Giles 24 Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving 29 Michaelmas Day
OCTOBER
4 Feast of Saint Francis of Assisi 25 Feast of Saints Crispin and Crispinian 28 Feast of Saints Simon and Jude 31 All Hallows' Eve
NOVEMBER
1 All Saints' Day 2 All Souls' Day 3 Feast of Saint Hubert 11 Feast of Saint Martin of Tours 23 Feast of Saint Clement Thanksgiving Day 30 Feast of Saint Andrew
DECEMBER
6 Feast of Saint Nicholas 7 Feast of Saint Ambrose 24 Christmas Eve 25 Christmas Day 31 New Year's Eve
Table of Movable Feasts
Sources
Index of Names and Places
Index of Food and Recipes
INTRODUCTION
THE CELEBRATIONS surrounding festival days are a definite part of our Christian tradition. "We have received these days by tradition from our forefathers," says Saint Augustine, "and we transmit them to those that follow to be celebrated with like devotion."
Saint Augustine refers, of course, mainly to the religious observance of feast days, but the custom of gathering together for a meal after the ceremonies and the processions, the prayers and the devotions, of offering thanksgiving for divine favors and sharing the warmth of home and hearth in the name of God is in the ancient and honorable usage of centuries. It would be impossible to find a land where there is no such celebration of holy days, where families and friends do not gather to honor events in the life of Our Lord, such as His birth at Christmas or His Resurrection at Easter, or feasts of the Blessed Virgin or the saints in heaven. And in many countries the homeless and the stranger are bidden to the holiday board, or a portion of food is set aside for the poor and the needy, later to be taken to them.
The meals prepared in every land on these occasions include traditional dishes, made from recipes handed down for generations, and sometimes the entire meal is prescribed by custom, often its least detail being symbolic in meaning. For example, in Poland the Christmas Eve meal or "Wigilia" is strictly ordered--in setting, in number of courses and dishes, and in the kinds and mixtures of food. The same is true of the Polish Easter "Swiecone," or Blessed Meal; and similar customs prevail on these days in other Slavic countries. In France we have the traditional "Reveillon after Midnight Mass on Christmas, and in Italy the "Cenone," or Christmas Eve supper.
Again, the food for a festal day or season may be very simple. There are traditions concerning fasting as well as feasting, and for certain days only one time-honored or appropriate dish is known.
It is interesting to note how many of the recipes for special occasions have to do with bread and cakes. This comes from the universal reverence for bread as the basic food of mankind. For example in Hungary, the sign of the Cross is made over the loaf of newly baked bread before it is touched, and all members of the household stand as the first piece is cut by the head of the family. Should a bit of bread drop to the floor and someone step upon it, that person must pick it up and kiss it.
Breads and cakes and cookies--the Russian Easter "Koulich," the Good Friday Hot Cross Bun of England, the Christmas "Lebkuchen" of Germany, the Shrove Tuesday pancakes and doughnuts of many countries--their recipes are legion. We have included many of these, but there are hundreds of others which space does not permit, so many in fact that one large volume could be devoted to them alone.
It must be borne in mind that some Christian festival observances spring from former pagan feasts, for which the primitive Church found a counterpart to draw the people from other allegiances to its own. Pagan feasts in honor of the earth, the coming of spring, the reaping of the harvest, were given a Christian connotation; the ancient fire and water worship of pagan times became the blessing of water and the lighting of fires in Christian worship. Even the old names have often remained in certain languages: in English the word Easter is from the name of the Anglo-Saxon goddess Oestre, and Lent comes from the Anglo-Saxon word "Lencten," meaning spring. Once the goddess Flora was honored in May; today for Christians this is the month of the Blessed Virgin. Easter eggs and Christmas trees go far back into antiquity--the tree perhaps to Druid days, the colored eggs to ancient Persia and Egypt.
The barbaric and cruel practices that marked many of the pagan observances have gone, but some superstitious elements remain, and in many countries have been added to by folklore and customs of peasant and local origin. Because of their intrinsic interest we have noted many of these local customs in reference to diversions and food. We have included too some almost forgotten Christian feast days once of great importance, as Michaelmas, Martinmas, and Lammas Day. Then also we have given dishes traditional to the feasts of, or suggested by incidents in the lives of the saints, as well as well-known national dishes of a country, eaten on its patronal feast, as Saint George's Day in England, Saint Andrew's in Scotland, Saint David's in Wales. The reader will note that we have even permitted ourselves an occasional pleasantry, such as Fruit Cobbler on the feast of the patron of shoemakers, or Lost Bread on the feast of Saint Anthony. We assure him that our aim was not to shock but to divert.
With the exception of the American Independence Day and Thanksgiving, we have treated only the feast days of the Church. Many of these have been omitted either because they did not lend themselves to traditions in the matter of food, or because any such collection as this must necessarily stop somewhere. We are ourselves most keenly aware of its limitations and many omissions.
Perhaps we should add that we are also aware the liturgical year begins with Advent, but that for the convenience of all we have followed the usual calendar, beginning with January 1st. And as some may question our placing of a movable feast, such as Whitsunday, Shrove Tuesday, or Easter, in a given month, we may explain that we have listed these only approximately where they occur and have included a Table of Movable Feasts at the end of this book so that the reader may find the exact dates of these feasts for a good many years to come.
It may also be well to add a reminder that the feasts of the Eastern Orthodox Church follow the Julian calendar and not our own, the Gregorian. Thus when we speak in our book of the Russian Easter on the same date as that celebrated in the West, we refer to the celebration rather than to the date.
In some countries today the observance of Christian feasts is forbidden. We remember that it has been forbidden before, as the Puritans once forbade in our own country the celebration of Christmas. The feast days flourish again as time passes; the roots are alive; the plants will bud and bloom once more. Therefore we do not speak of these customs as in the past, but merely as temporarily interrupted-- perhaps not always entirely interrupted. Did our newspapers not carry but recently the account of crowds in Russia flocking into churches and cathedrals, bringing their Easter food to be blessed?...
And now, a word about the recipes themselves. They have been gathered from the four corners of the earth and, in point of time, several go back to the biblical era, while others range through the centuries down to modern times. We have not attempted to standardize them in any way, preferring to keep the flavor of their original compilation. However, as given here, all of them are practical and adapted to present day cookery. A possible exception is Scripture Cake, but even this can be successfully made by anyone having a practical knowledge of baking. And finally, these recipes can be used not only for feast days, but for every day. Recalling that seventeen hundred years ago, the Greek author Athenaeus wrote, "A change of meat is often good, and those who are wearied of common food take new pleasure in a novel meal," we offer them as a refreshing change from routine meals and for the delectation as well as interest of both cook and diner.
It is always a pleasant task to acknowledge indebtedness for favors and inspiration received. Obviously the authors of this book cannot single out each and every one who has shown interest in its preparation by giving practical and helpful aid and advice. A selected check list of reference material for further reading will be found at the end of the book, in which we acknowledge many of the sources of our information. However, we do wish to express our particular gratitude to Mrs. F. Dodd McHugh and the Sisters of the Holy Family of Nazareth, Torresdale, Pennsylvania, for information on Polish feast day customs and recipes; to Dr. Lili Gonde for data included in the French sections of the book; and to the Reverend Claiborne Lafferty of the North American College in Rome for a useful list of Italian festival dishes; to Mrs. Marian Tracy, and to the Bronxville Public Library.
And a lion's share of appreciation and thanks should go to the New York Public Library. It would be simple to set down the names of the various heads of departments who have given so generously of their time, but we feel that to do so adequately and fairly, we should rightly commence the list with the names of the Messers Astor, Lenox, and Tilden. However, we feel that the "heads" have often been given their due praise in print in the past. We would like to thank here the hundreds who through the years have prepared the millions of cards that make up the general catalogue of the Library; the patient attendants who took and safely forwarded the many call slips we made out day after day in the course of our research; the unseen and unknown (to us, at least) workers in the underground stacks, who found the books we asked for; and, finally, the pages who so swiftly sought us out and brought the needed treasures to us.
August 10. 1951 K. B. H. R.
January 1: New Year's Day
FAR BACK in time goes the celebration of the first day of the New Year, back to the time of the Druids, when priests brought from the sacred wood mistletoe boughs to distribute to the people. In ancient Rome sacrifices were offered to Janus, the god for whom the month was named--a god with two faces, looking both into the past and into the future. Presents were exchanged on this day, and in time these became very elaborate indeed. Christian emperors allowed the pleasant custom to continue, but so many idolatrous rites remained attached to the celebration that at last the Church prohibited its members from observing it in any way.
Then when, some centuries later December 25th was fixed upon as the day of the Nativity of Christ, the first of January became a Christian feast day in honor of the Circumcision of Our Lord. But secular customs in connection with the beginning of the New Year continued to overshadow in many places the religious observance of the feast, and much revelry was connected with it. The Middle Ages eagerly seized upon any event that afforded a reasonable excuse for a banquet or feasting--coronations, great victories, and Church festivals. When on "Newyere Daie" in medieval England the country folk after copious repasts drank each other's health in cups of wassail, they afterwards went out to the orchards and "wassailed the trees." |
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Date: April 10th, 2006 5:33 AM Author:
Wassail Bowl
nutmeg 4 glasses sherry ginger root 3 slices lemon 1 lb. sugar 4 slices toast 3 qts. warm beer
Grate a little nutmeg and some ginger root over one pound of sugar and add one quart of the beer. Add the sherry and the lemon slices and finally the rest of the beer. Stir, taste, and add more sugar if necessary. Serve in a bowl and float the toast on top.
In England the celebration has always been elaborate and various cakes were made especially for this day. First among them came the seed cake, but the "god cakes" of Coventry were also very popular. These last were of all sizes, some so small they sold for a penny and some so large they sold for a pound, and they were not really cakes at all, but a sort of tart with a filling and cut in a triangle. At St. Albans cakes were made in the form of a woman and were called locally "pope ladies," but neither legend nor history tell why.
God Cakes
1/4 cup butter 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg 1/4 cup sugar 1/4 teaspoon allspice 3/4 cup currants puff paste or pie dough 1/3 cup lemon peel
Mix the butter and sugar thoroughly, and add the currants, lemon peel, and spices. Heat in a double boiler for a few minutes and then allow the filling to cool before using. Make a puff paste (or use your richest pie dough) and roll out 1/4 inch thick and cut into 3-inch squares. Place a teaspoon of the filling in one corner of each square. Moisten the edges of the pastry and fold over from corner to corner to make a triangle; seal the edges with a fork. Bake at 450 degrees F. for 10 minutes. Reduce the heat to 350 degrees F. and bake for an additional 10 minutes or until brown.
We read that on this day Queen Elizabeth collected many gifts, a royal custom which sometimes was hard on her subjects, for each strove to outdo the other to win her favor, and she collected such rich offerings as caskets studded with jewels, bracelets, and mantles. But she received simpler gifts as well. There is a record of a box of foreign sweetmeats given her by her physician, ginger candy and lozenges from her apothecary, a box of green ginger from a friend, and "Mrs. Morgan brought a box of cherries and one of apricocks."
The lesser folk in Elizabeth's reign received gifts of gilt nutmegs and pomanders--an apple or an orange--"stikt round about with cloaves." These ingenious affairs were often hung in milady's room and sometimes put inside wine vessels to preserve wine from "foystiness." The name pomander was originally applied to a small case of silver which contained various aromatic scents. Here is a good way to make a pomander in our day.
Pomander
Take a small, thin-skinned orange and stick whole cloves into it until the surface is entirely studded. Roll the orange in powdered orrisroot and powdered cinnamon, patting on as much as you can. Wrap in tissue paper and put it away for several weeks. Remove the paper, shake off the surplus powder, and the pomander is ready for use. It can be hung up by a ribbon in a closet where it will retain its fragrance and aroma for years.
In France the "Nouvel An" has always been a day when gifts are exchanged rather than on Christmas Day, and at family parties children and grown folk exchange "etrennes."
In Italy, although the children are given their toys at Epiphany, adults receive their presents at the "Capo d'Anno."
In the United States New Year's Day has come to mean open house, a day when people pay calls to wish each other joy in the days to come and good fortune for the whole year. In many minds the beverage associated with the day has become fixed, and eggnog is its name. It is, for some, a very heavy drink--imbibing one is possible but two may well prove overwhelming. However, there are beverages for New Year's Day that hail from other lands and which surely would please one's guests. There is, for example, the Swedish Glogg.
Glogg
1/3 cup almonds 2 bottles sherry 1 cup raisins 2 bottles port 10 whole cloves 1 cup lump sugar 10 cardamons 1 bottle cognac 6 pieces stick cinnamon
A week before you wish to use your glogg, place the almonds (blanched and shredded), the raisins, the cloves, whole cardamons, and the stick cinnamon in a saucepan with enough wine to cover. Place over low heat and bring to just the boiling point. Place in a jar and keep in a cool place. To make your glogg, add the rest of the wine to the spiced foundation and heat it in an attractive kettle, chafing dish, or "brulot" bowl. Bring to the boiling point but do not allow it to boil. In a sieve placed over the kettle or bowl, put your lump sugar and slowly pour the bottle of cognac over it, and set it aflame with a match. When the sugar has melted through, the glogg is ready. It should be served hot.
With this one might well serve a modern version of the English seed cake.
Seed Cake
1 cup butter 1/4 teaspoon salt 5 egg yolks 3/4 cup milk 1-1/2 cups sugar 2 teaspoons caraway seeds 3 egg whites 1 teaspoon vanilla 3 cups pastry flour 3 teaspoons baking powder
Beat the butter until creamy and add the egg yolks and sugar, beating thoroughly. Stir in the egg whites and mix briskly. Sift flour, baking powder, and salt and add to the mixture, alternating with the milk. Beat well; add caraway seeds and vanilla. Pour into a well-greased tube pan and bake at 350 degrees F. for an hour and fifteen minutes. An early American recipe says, "Wash the butter in rose water, drean out the water and add a few drops of oyl of sinnamont."
And here is a cake which could well be made for the New Year, for it is good to eat and also good to consider, especially in these days when the Bible is not so much read as it once was. No doubt many an early American would not have had to look up these references, but for many today it may serve the double purpose of supplying gustatory and religious information.
Scripture Cake
(1) Four and one half cups of III Kings, iv, 22; (2) one and one half cups of Judges v, 25; (3) two cups of Jeremias vi, 20; (4) two cups of I Kings, xxx, 12; (5) two cups of Nahum iii, 12; (6) one cup of Numbers xvii, 8; (7) two tablespoons of I Kings, xiv, 25; (8) six articles of Jeremias xvii, 11; (9) a pinch of Leviticus ii, 13; (10) a teaspoon of Amos iv, 5; (11) season to taste with II Paralipomenon, ix, 9; (12) add citron and follow Solomon's advice for making a good boy, Proverbs xxiii, 14, and you will have a good cake. (Douay Bible.)
There are of course households in which the New Year's family reunion and dinner menu are traditional and inviolable. But for those open to suggestion, we offer a dinner built about a central dish of suckling pig, the standard New Year's roast in many European countries. Usually a bright red apple or an orange is put in the pig's snout, although the Hungarian custom is to put in a four leaf clover. Around the pig's pate is often placed a wreath of bay leaves.
Roast Suckling Pig
Clean the pig carefully. Insert a piece of wood into its mouth to keep it open while roasting. Sage and onion dressing is traditional, but you might use a prune-apple stuffing or a sausage stuffing. Stuff your pig, truss and skewer it. Make 4 parallel slits about 3 inches long on each side of the backbone. Place on a rack, sprinkle with salt and freshly ground pepper, brush with melted butter, and dust with flour. Roast for fifteen minutes at 480 degrees F.; then reduce heat to 350 degrees F. and continue roasting, allowing thirty minutes to the pound. If you wish to have the skin soft, baste every fifteen minutes with hot stock; if crisp (and it's better that way), baste with melted butter. When the roast is ready, remove to a hot serving platter. Remove the piece of wood from the mouth, replace with a bright red apple and insert cranberries for eyes. Finally crown with a wreath of bay leaves. The ears and tail have a tendency to burn, so wrap them carefully in buttered paper which should be removed during the last half hour of roasting.
The European side dishes which accompany the New Year's suckling pig are usually heavy and a bit complicated. We would suggest fluffy mashed potatoes covered with finely chopped onions slightly browned in butter, a dish of Brussels sprouts surrounded with braised chestnuts, and a sharp green salad. The dessert might well be an Apple Florentine which hails from seventeenth-century England. According to the old recipe, this was a deep-dish apple pie baked in a huge pewter or Sheffield plate, filled with "good baking apples, sugar and lemon to the very brim." When baked and before serving, the rich crust was taken off and cut into triangular pieces ready to be replaced, but before this was done a full quart of well-spiced ale, "quite hissing hot," was poured over the apples. We might follow the same instructions but substitute hot cider for the ale.
January 2: Feast of Saint Macarius
In the fourth century when the desert in Egypt sheltered many hermits, happy in their austere lives and their separation from the world, one of the most famous was Macarius the Younger. We are told he was of joyful countenance and, like Saint Francis of Assisi later, he was the friend of birds and animals. One of the most charming of the stories concerning him relates that one day a hyena came to lay before him her blind cub, just born. The saint restored the sight of the young animal, and the next day the grateful mother returned to him carrying in her mouth a fine sheepskin. Of this Macarius made a garment which he wore until he died.
Macarius' fame spread far and wide because of his piety and spiritual knowledge, and many sought him in his desert abode for advice and guidance. He did not become a hermit until the middle of his life. He had been a sugarplum merchant, and that is why he became the patron of pastry cooks and confectioners. His own product, sugarplums, a term once used only for candied fruits, is today a synonym for sweets of any kind.
Sugarplums
2 lbs. confectionery sugar 1 lb. any fruit water
Cover sugar with enough water to dissolve, and let boil to a syrup. Place fruit in a pan and pour syrup over it. Turn fruit lightly by shaking pan until all parts are coated. Set to cool, and when this is done pour off syrup and set pan on its side so that the liquid may be well drained off. Should be prepared two days in advance so that glaze will form.
In our day sugarplums are more apt to be replaced by glaceed fruits.
Glaceed Fruits
2 cups sugar 2/3 cup water 1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar
Mix sugar, water, and cream of tartar in a small saucepan. Stir until the sugar is dissolved; then cook to 310 degrees F.--crack stage--without stirring. Remove the syrup from the fire to check boiling and place the saucepan in another pan of hot water. Begin dipping into the syrup at once, using pieces of canned pineapple, canned cherries, figs, grapes, dates, pitted prunes. Nut meats may be glaceed in the same fashion. If the candies are dropped on tin, they will not stick.
First Monday In January: Handsel Monday
The Scotch prefer to celebrate the New Year on the first Monday in January. This day is known in that country as Handsel Monday, a word derived from an Anglo-Saxon phrase meaning a gift given by hand. Especially among rural workers it is a popular holiday. The farmers give them on that morning a huge breakfast of meats both roasted and boiled, with ale and whiskey to wash it down, and a fine cake to follow. Shortbread invariably appears on the table. No work is done on that day, but everyone goes visiting friends after the meal, partly no doubt to show a holiday spirit but doubtless also to work off the heaviness that follows so unusual an intake of food.
Scotch Shortbread
1 cup butter 1/4 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 cup confectionery sugar 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 cups flour
Beat the butter until soft and gradually add the sugar. Sift the flour, baking powder, and salt together and work into the butter mixture with the hands. A tablespoon of vanilla or some freshly ground nutmeg may also be added. Knead the dough well until no cracks appear. Roll it out to the thickness of 1/4 inch and cut into squares or any desired shape. Bake on a greased sheet at 375 degrees F. for about twenty minutes.
January 6: Epiphany or Twelfth Day
Early in January comes a feast celebrated everywhere and variously throughout the Christian world--Epiphany, from the Greek word "Theophania," meaning the showing forth of God. Because in the West this signified the manifestation of Christ through the Magi after His birth, it is known as the Day of Kings, and it is also commonly called Twelfth Day, since Epiphany occurs that many days after Christmas.
In the East the manifestation of Christ was connected with His baptism in the Jordan and with baptism in general. From the lighted candle held at baptism, it receives another name the Feast of Lights. The Greek Orthodox hold at Epiphany a ceremony known as the Blessing of the Waters, at which water is blessed and carried home by the worshippers to be placed close to the familiar icons. In the United States this annual ceremony is in some places carried out even more splendidly than in Greece. In New York the Orthodox Metropolitan carries a gold crucifix to the harbor, throws it into the water in the presence of his congregation, and then several divers leap in, each striving to be the first to recover it.
Epiphany Eve is the setting of a tender legend. It is said that the Wise Men on their way to Bethlehem passed an old woman busily cleaning her house. When she learned where they were going, she asked them to wait until she had finished her work so she could go with them. But the Kings said they could not wait; they told her to follow them when she was ready and catch up with them. As she was a careful housekeeper and also took time to prepare a gift to take to the Child, when she finally started on her way, the others were so far ahead that she never found them. Ever since she wanders through the world, seeking the Child so that she may give Him her gift. In Italy, as Befana--a corruption of Epiphany--she leaves gifts at the houses she visits in the hope of finding the Child she seeks. A time-honored Epiphany dainty in Italy is "Cappelletti all' uso di Romagna."
Cappelletti all' uso di Romagna
(Little Hats in the Manner of the Romans)
1/4 lb. boiled chicken 1 egg 1/4 lb. roast veal 1/4 lb. cottage cheese 3 slices prosciutto (Italian ham) grated lemon peel 1 cup flour nutmeg, allspice, salt
Grind the meat very fine. It is preferable to use prosciutto but ordinary plain ham may be used. Make a highly seasoned mixture with all the other ingredients. The ground meat may be sauteed in a little butter before being added. Make a paste of 1 cup flour and 1 egg (add an extra egg white if you have it): Put the flour on a board, make a hole in the middle and break in the egg. Work it with a fork until it is firm enough to work with the hands. Knead it thoroughly, adding more flour if necessary, until the paste can be rolled out. Roll as thin as possible and cut into rounds about 3 inches in diameter.
Place a spoonful of filling in the middle of each circle of paste, moisten the edges of the paste with finger dipped in water to seal it securely, and fold into little cones or hats. These "cappelletti" should be cooked in chicken broth for about twenty minutes. Usually they are served with the soup, but sometimes they are served separately with "Mostarda di Cremona." The Italians say of it, "this is a mustard which is not," for it is made of pieces of fruit, mustard, and spices.
In some lands long ago, children set out to meet the three Kings with cakes and figs, and hay for the camels; in our day in some countries they still take their gifts to the church and lay them before the altar rail.
One charming story goes like this: When Mary heard the tramping feet of the camels, she picked her baby up and held him close, fearing that someone had come to take him from her. And so the Wise Men found them exactly as they had been foretold. When they went home again, the story continues, they resigned their high offices and estates and went forth to teach the gospel of the Prince of Peace; and years afterward Saint Thomas found them in India, baptized them and ordained them priests. Later they were martyred, and the Empress Helena is said to have found their bones and enshrined them in the Cathedral of Saint Sophia in Constantinople. During the crusades these relics were taken to Milan and later to Cologne where today they are to be found in the cathedral of that city in a chest of gold incrusted with jewels.
The article of food which comes first to mind for this feast is the famous Twelfth Day cake, baked and eaten in many lands. In France the "Galette des Rois" is cut carefully so that there will be one more piece than there are guests at the table. This, called "la part de Dieu," goes to the first poor person who comes to the door. In Greece this is a double feast day for it is also that of Saint Basil, and the first piece of cake is cut for Christ, the next for Our Lady, and the third for Saint Basil.
When the cake is not divided according to purely religious custom, it is often considered a cake of luck. A bean is hidden in the cake, among other fortune-telling trinkets, and whoever finds this is crowned king or queen of the feast. France, in fact, has a proverb which comes directly from this finding of the lucky bean: "Il a trouve la feve au gateau."
On the eve of the feast in Austrian homes, a blessing is invoked on the house and on each room individually. One of the family, carrying a shovel filled with coals and incense, goes from room to room followed by all the rest. When every room has been blessed, the household marches to the barn to bless the home of the animals too. And on that night the Christmas tree is lighted for the last time.
At Drury Lane Theatre in London a custom prevailed called "cutting the Baddeley Cake." A comedian of that name left the provision in his will that on each Twelfth Night the performers at the theater be served cake and wine from the interest of a fund he bequeathed for that purpose. So each year the cake was cut with great ceremony on the stage. And it is also from England that we have the best recipe for a Twelfth Day Cake.
Twelfth Day Cake
1 cup butter 4 tablespoons citron 3/4 cup sugar 4 tablespoons orange peel 3 eggs 4 tablespoons shredded 1/4 cup milk almonds 3 cups flour 1/4 teaspoon allspice 3/4 cup currants 1 teaspoon cinnamon 3/4 cup sultanas
Cream the butter with the sugar. Add the eggs one at a time and beat after each addition. Add the milk and beat all thoroughly. Mix a little of the flour with the various raisins and peels. Sift the flour with the spices and fold into the mixture. Finally add the fruits and almonds. Bake in a pan lined with waxed paper for two hours in a slow oven at 250 degrees F. Formerly this cake was baked two or three months before it was to be used, then it was covered with almond paste and a thin white icing.
Traditionally Lamb's Wool was always served with Twelfth Day Cake.
Lamb's Wool
Add the pulp of 6 baked apples to 1 quart of strong hot ale, together with a small quantity of freshly ground nutmeg and some powdered ginger. Add granulated sugar to sweeten to taste. The mixture must be stirred "assiduously and let it be served hot."
January 15: Feast of Saint Paul the Hermit
Of the many men who during the early Christian centuries fled to live in the desert, Saint Paul the Hermit was the earliest. We have this on the testimony of none other than Saint Anthony who came there thinking that he himself was the first. Then, as "The Golden Legend" of Jacobus de Voragine tells the story, "he learned in a dream that another anchorite, better than himself, had a claim to this homage. Therefore, Saint Anthony bent every effort to discover the whereabouts of this other hermit. And searching through the forests, he came first upon a hippocentaurus, half man and half horse, who told him to go to the right. Next he met an animal who was carrying some dates; the upper part of his body was that of a man, but he had the belly and feet of a goat. Anthony asked him what he was; and he answered that he was a satyr, that is, one of those creatures which the pagans mistook for wood-gods. Finally Saint Anthony came face to face with a wolf, who led him to the cell where Saint Paul dwelt. But he, being aware of the approach of a man, had closed his door. Anthony besought him to open to him, declaring that he would die on the spot rather than go away. And Paul, yielding to his prayers, opened the door, and at once the two hermits embraced each other with great affection.
"When the noon-hour drew near, a crow flew down, bearing a loaf formed of two halves. Anthony wondered at this, but Paul told him that God provided him daily with food in this manner; this day the quantity was doubled, on account of Anthony's visit. Thereupon they disputed piously over which of them was more worthy to divide the loaf. Paul wished that Anthony should do it, since he was the guest. Anthony insisted that it be Paul, who was the older. In the end both took hold of the loaf, and broke it in two."
De Voragine does not go on to state the nature of the loaf, but we like to think of it as one of the simplest and best of whole wheat loaves.
Whole Wheat Bread
1/2 cake yeast 3 cups whole wheat flour 1 cup white flour (No shortening, sugar, or milk)
Moisten the yeast with a little tepid water and allow it to stand for ten minutes. Add it to the flour and enough tepid water, together with a pinch of salt, to make a good dough. Let it stand until it doubles in bulk. Then punch it down, knead again, and put it into small bread pans. When it rises again to double its bulk, bake in a moderate oven at 350 degrees F. for a full hour or more. Slice very thin.
January 21: Feast of Saint Agnes
Saint Agnes' day is the feast of a saint about whom there are many legends, although little is known historically save that she was very young and a martyr. On her feast day lambs are blessed in Rome, and from their wool is woven material for the pallia which the popes send to a new archbishop.
In some countries Saint Agnes is the saint of maidens, especially those who are looking for husbands. The eve of her feast is considered an auspicious time to find out who will be one's future mate, and there are several old-time ways said to achieve this. In England a girl took sprigs of thyme and of rosemary, sprinkled them three times with water, put one on each side of her bed, and then recited:
Saint Agnes, who's to lovers kind Come ease the trouble of my mind.
In her dreams then she saw the face of her future husband. Sometimes a maid ate instead a salt-filled egg from which the yolk had been removed. In that case her future husband came to her in her dreams and offered her water. In certain parts of England, young women made cakes of flour, salt, and water (surely a fasting rather than a feasting dish), which were called "dumb cakes" because without saying a word the young woman would go upstairs with one of these cakes-- backwards, to make it harder--get into bed, eat her cake, and pray fervently to Saint Agnes. There seems to be no record of disappointments, and we trust that all of those to whom Saint Agnes showed the dream face of her future got her man. Nor is there any record of how these cakes were made.
FEBRUARY
February 1: Feast of Saint Bridget
FEBRUARY is the shortest of months, one with few feasts, and usually beginning the year's greatest fast, Lent. The name's origin is from Februarius, the Roman feast of purification, but it is still a fitting name for this most Christian season.
The first feast in February is that of Saint Bridget, known lovingly in her own land as "Mary of the Gael." According to the scholars the name is rightly Brigit, but the common spelling is Bridget, and hers is the name borne by more girls in Ireland than any save one, that of Mary. In many legends she is associated with Saint Patrick, who is said to have baptized her and who had her help in converting Ireland; when he died it was she who stitched his shroud. Born about 450, she founded the nunnery of Kildare, the first on Irish soil.
In Celtic lands the dandelion is called "Saint Brigit's flame," so every time you see this flower think of that bright flame of faith, Saint Bridget, who carried on the work of Saint Patrick and whose watchword was "mercy." In the hearts of the Irish, Bridget stands for all that is sweetest and best and most human in women. An old story tells that she was born of a slave mother and taken from her at birth, but when she was older she set out to rejoin
the lonely old woman and found her "at a mountain dairy having twelve cows with her, and she collecting butter." This legend doubtless explains why Bridget is considered the protectress of dairy workers and also this verse of "The Prayer of Saint Brigit":
O my Prince of Heaven! Bless a prayer unbidden--O pure Whiteness Bless a kitchen that hath butter!
It is told that "everything Bridget put her hand to increased and grew beautiful," and in old stories she is shown feeding her hungry hounds with the table meat and brewing ale for the churches. Baskets filled with apples and fragrant bread are "Brigit alms," and it is said she left to her countrywomen her gift of simple healing--for most Irish women have some elementary knowledge of medicine and herbal remedies.
Bridget is well known not only in Irish households but also in English, for she was a favorite saint in the Britain of an early day. In London an ancient well, named Saint Bride's Well in her honor, lent its name to the nearby Brideswell Palace which Edward VI turned into a workhouse for the poor in later years.
On her feast special cakes were served with ale, called "Barinbreac," and sometimes "Barmbrack" or "Barnbreak."
Barinbreac
4 oz. butter 2 tablespoons currants 1-1/2 lbs. flour 1 tablespoon caraway 2 teaspoons baking seeds soda sugar buttermilk
Rub the butter into the flour which has been sifted with the soda. Add the currants and the caraway seeds and a very little sugar. Add sufficient buttermilk to make a wet dough- -one that will drop into the pan. Bake at 300 degrees F. for two hours.
Irish women are in general great makers of delectable cakes and breads for special occasions--of ash cakes (little scones rolled in cabbage leaves) baked in the ashes on the hearth and when done sopped in rasher gravy; of tea scones made with golden meal and baked on the griddle, delicious eaten with jelly or jam; of white bread and brown, Indian meal and bran loaves; of seedy cakes and Sunday cakes.
They were also adept at making the jellies and jams that fill the odd places on a well-set Irish table--sloe jelly, rowanberry jelly, haw-and-apple jelly, damson preserves and blackberry jam, to mention but a few. And since the daughters of Saint Bridget are great believers in natural remedies, they are apt to insist that the children eat
Parsley Jelly
Take 3 bunches of parsley and set to boil with sufficient water to cover. Boil for about twenty-five minutes and strain through a jelly bag. Return the strained liquid to the fire and simmer for an additional ten minutes. Measure your juice and allow 1 pound of sugar for each 2 cups of liquid, boil together until jelly sets or drops from the spoon. Peel 1 lemon thinly, tie in a bit of cheesecloth, and add during last ten minutes of cooking. Pour into hot, sterilized jars and cover with paraffin.
February 2: Candlemas Day or Feast of the Purification
The feast which falls on this day is known both as Candlemas and the feast of the Purification of the Blessed Virgin. It was begun in order to counteract the pagan observances of ancient Rome at that season, when the whole city was lighted with candles and torches in honor of the Roman goddess Februa. It was likewise the month dedicated to the gods of the underworld, and candles also represented Ceres who was trying to find her daughter Proserpina, stolen from her by Pluto and carried by him to the lower world.
At first a pagan religious celebration, it grew into an occasion of mere merrymaking and night-long revels, and at last Sergius, one of the early popes, changed the festival into a Christian feast in honor of the purification of the Virgin Mary.
On that day candles for the year are blessed in Christian churches and lighted ones carried in procession. It is very natural that long ago in England it received its name of Candle Mass. To Christians the candles are symbolic of Christ, the light of the world, and of Simeon's reference to the Child brought by Our Lady to the Temple as "a light to the revelation of the Gentiles." The candles blessed on this day are in many places given to the faithful, and carefully kept for use in time of need, as during childbirth and at the hour of death.
In England in olden times there was a belief that if Christmas greens were left up longer than this day, as many goblins would appear and trouble the house as there were leaves or branches remaining. One would think that all Christmas decorations would have been disposed of by this time, but perhaps sentimental souls left theirs hanging long beyond the classic day for taking them down-the day after Epiphany. One can sympathize, for it is much more pleasant to put up a symbol of joy than to remove it. No doubt this superstition was created to make such soft souls face duty and put down lingering regret.
In some parts of Mexico on this day godparents entertain a group of guests, and in other places the party is given by the guest who found the little replica of the Christ Child in his slice of the "Rosca de Reyes," which is none other than our old friend the "Galette des Rois," the Twelfth Day Cake. |
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Date: April 10th, 2006 5:34 AM Author:
February 3: Feast of Saint Blaise
Saint Blaise, who is invoked against diseases of the throat, was a bishop of an early century who was driven to the mountains by persecution and took refuge in a cave infested with wild beasts. But Saint Blaise so subdued them that each morning they came to him to ask his blessing. After a period of peace he was discovered, dragged before the prefect, and condemned to imprisonment and eventual death. But even while a captive he healed a child choking to death from a fishbone and made a wolf give back to a poor woman the pig it was stealing from her.
He is a much beloved saint and always willing to help those in trouble. In the Middle Ages it was a common thing to "call upon God and remember Saint Blaise."
On his feast day the heads of households among the Basques of the Pyrenees bring to the church garlic, salt, apples, and chocolates for Saint Blaise's blessing, and later give these to their children and their animals for protection against throat ailments. Of their own throats, the adults take less care, for the great Basque festival dish is "loukinkas," a regional sausage highly seasoned with peppers. These sausages are served with fresh raw oysters, and the height of gastronomic delight is to eat a loukinkas and follow it with a cool fresh oyster to take away the burning sensation.
Pre-Lenten Festivals
Unless Easter is very late indeed, the beginning of Lent falls in February. Easter Sunday is the first Sunday after the full moon which occurs on or next after March 21st; it therefore always falls on some date between March 22nd and April 25th inclusive.
In various countries there are customs for these days which have survived the centuries and are still lovingly observed. And nearly always there is some special dish that is prepared during this time.
In Poland high feasting takes place on the Thursday before Lent, and the day's specialty is "Piczki," rich fried doughnuts. In Syria the Thursday before Lent is known as Drunkard's Thursday because eating and drinking reach top form on that day. A sheep is slaughtered and roasted and served with rice-stuffed grape leaves and figs stewed in molasses.
Dolmas (Stuffed Grape Leaves)
grape leaves 2 cloves garlic 1/2 cup rice 1 tablespoon parsley 1/2 cup chick-peas salt 1 onion pepper
Blanch the grape leaves in boiling water for about five minutes. Combine the rice with the chick-peas (either canned or cooked), the minced onion, garlic, parsley, and seasoning. Place a tablespoon of this mixture on each leaf, roll up and press together with your hand. Cook them for about thirty minutes with enough water to cover, or some tomato juice seasoned liberally with lemon. They may be eaten hot or cold. If you have no grape leaves, cabbage leaves (remove the spine) or even lettuce leaves may be used.
On the Friday before Lent, in Ponti in Italy the people of the town celebrate the feast of "Polentone" when an enormous dish of "polenta", weighing more than a thousand pounds, is prepared and with it an omelet said to contain six thousand eggs, put together by the best cooks in town. We should like to see with our own eyes an omelet of six thousands eggs being turned over, since turning one made of only six is quite a trick, but no doubt the cooks of Ponti have had experience. These huge dishes are given to the poor. Evidently the cooking is the thing in this case; the eating is secondary to the wonder of constructing the dishes. This recipe makes a quantity considerably smaller than the wonder of Ponti but equally good.
Pasticcio di Polenta (Corn Meal Pie)
1 cup yellow corn meal cream butter Parmesan cheese bread crumbs salt handful dried mushrooms
In the morning of the day this dish is to be served, cook the corn meal in only enough water to make it very stiff. Turn out to cool in just the shape of the dish in which it was cooked. When preparing the "pasticcio," butter the same dish in which the corn meal was cooked and sprinkle with bread crumbs. Cut the molded corn meal in horizontal strips about 1/4 inch thick. Lay the top slice in the bottom of the dish where it fits. Dot with a little butter and 3 or 4 dried mushrooms which have had boiling water poured over them and have soaked for several hours. Moisten with cream and sprinkle with grated Parmesan. Repeat slice by slice until the shape is complete. Put in a moderate oven at 300 degrees F. and bake for three hours.
In Paris, Carnival, as it is called, is limited to the three days preceding Ash Wednesday; on the last day there is a procession of the "Boeuf Gras" through the streets. In Switzerland during these days children receive cakes flavored with caraway seeds.
But it is in Denmark that children come into their own during this time. The Monday before Ash Wednesday is a holiday known as "Fastelaven." While their parents are still in bed, the children of the family, armed with twigs called Lenten birches, come into their parents' rooms where the latter are supposedly asleep, but no doubt wide awake and ready to make sure their offspring do not become too violent with the instruments of punishment in their hands. "Give buns," shout the young, and the parents produce for them the "Fastenlavensboller." We take if for granted that parents may then take one more bit of slumber, at least for the time it takes the children to consume their buns. They are toothsome morsels.
Fastenlavensboller (Lenten Buns)
1 yeast cake 1/2 teaspoon cardamon 3/4 cup sugar seeds 1-1/2 cups lukewarm milk 3/4 cup butter 3-1/4 cups flour 1/2 cup raisins 1 egg
Let the yeast stand with a little sugar in a little lukewarm milk. Sift the flour with the rest of the sugar and the ground cardamom seeds, and stir in the milk and butter which has been melted. Combine with the yeast mixture and raisins, and work until smooth. Let it stand and then knead, roll out fairly thick and cut out buns with a round cutter. Let rise again, brush with beaten egg, and bake in a moderate oven at 375 degrees F. for half an hour.
Collop Monday
In England the Monday before Lent is known as Collop Monday, so called because it was the last day of eating meat before the fast began. In an earlier day fresh meat was cut into collops, or steaks, for salting or hanging until after Lent was over. It is still customary to have eggs and collops, or eggs and bacon on this day.
English Eggs and Bacon
Cut strips of bacon in 3-inch lengths, place them in a baking dish, and pour over them 3 tablespoons of cream. Bake in a moderate oven until the bacon is brown on one side, and then turn it over and brown the other. While the bacon is cooking, poach your eggs and serve on the bacon. This could be attractively done in individual ramekins.
Italians in many rural areas who celebrate a pre-Lenten "Carnevale" lasting for four weeks before Lent, begin on this Monday the last and gayest days of all. They are called "The Two Days of the Shepherds," and all work is suspended while feasting, dancing, and merrymaking take place in the public squares, ending with a masquerade on the night of Shrove Tuesday. Traditional during these two days of festivity is a dish called "Salsiccia con Peperoni" (sausage with green peppers).
Salsiccia con Peperoni (Sausage with Green Peppers)
Take 2 to 2-1/2 pounds of Italian sausage and see to it that it remains in one piece. Curl in broiling pan and broil about 5 inches from flame for about half an hour. Saute 4 green peppers and 1 sweet onion, both cut up, in a little olive oil and serve with the sausage which should be well browned by this time. Be sure to prick the sausage once or twice while it is cooking.
Shrove Tuesday
All other pre-Lenten celebrations pale when one comes to Shrove Tuesday. The name comes, of course, from the practice of confessing one's sins on that day, of being shriven in preparation for the season of penance to come. But in many parts of the world, especially in olden times, people had a great deal else on their minds on Shrove Tuesday, that is, a great deal on the subject of food. The cooks outdid themselves on special dishes, ignoring completely the fact that the way to come to a long fast would be to taper off, as is done with drugs.
In pre-Reformation times in English towns the church bell was rung on Shrove Tuesday and came to be known as the "shriving bell." This in time was called the "pancake bell," so closely identified was the day with that article of food.
Pancakes and fritters, Say the bells of Saint Peter's,
runs the old rhyme about the bells of London. And in an almanac for 1684 we find:
Hark I hear the pancake bell And fritters make a gallant smell.
But pancakes were by no means all they ate in Merrie England on Shrove Tuesday; they enjoyed hogs, barbecued whole, basted with wine, and stuffed with spicy meals. Yet pancakes were the day's specialty--pancakes of all kinds, thin like modern ones; or fat, rich fritters with fruit cut into them for flavor.
Later in England the Puritans looked upon such observances with a jaundiced eye, and an English cookery book of the seventeenth century describes pancakes as made with water, eggs, "spices and magical, tragical enchantments" and of "sweet bait which ignorant people devore very greedily." Even "Crepes Suzettes" would hardly rate such harsh words. But it is clear that the Puritans regarded the pancakes as merely one more popish dish and so came out against it. One feature of the custom should have pleased their economical souls, since the pancakes used up all the fat in the household, as at that time none could be used for the next six weeks.
The French eat pancakes on Shrove Tuesday too; however, they make them folded, not flat as we do. To them a cold pancake is as good as a hot one, and with these cold pancakes they drink wine. However, "Crepes Suzettes," their most famous and sophisticated version, are not only served hot but flaming.
Today in England and the United States the pancake is traditional, and much attention is given to the feat of turning them deftly from side to side. In our country in earlier days, when the mother of the family fried the pancakes, she was watched critically to see how well she could "flap" them--the origin of the word flapjack.
Buttermilk Pancakes
4 cups flour 1/2 teaspoon cream of 1/2 teaspoon baking soda tartar 1 tablespoon sugar 4 tablespoons butter pinch of salt buttermilk
Sift the dry ingredients and rub in the butter. Add just enough buttermilk so that the batter pours easily, like heavy cream. An egg may be added if desired. Bake on a lightly greased griddle.
The Irish Boxty Pancakes are always made with buttermilk, and are eaten hot with butter and sugar as fast as they come from the pan. They are made of grated raw potato, flour, salt, soda, buttermilk, and eggs. And into the ingredients are dropped little charms, wrapped in paper: a ring for the one first to be married, a thimble for an old maid, a button for a bachelor, a cross for the one who would enter religion, and a sixpence for riches. These pancakes are usually served at tea time with a black brew of Irish tea.
Some lands scorn the pancake, and in Scotland, perhaps just to be different, people eat Crowdy on Shrove Tuesday. A description of this dish sounds much like the usual fare of the Scots, for it is made by pouring boiling water over oatmeal and stirring it a little. Perhaps the butter and milk that went over it is not for every day. And there is another variation: into the porringer of one unmarried person in the house is put a ring, and whoever finds this in his or her bowl will be the first to be married.
In Germany "Fastnachtskuchen," doughnuts and not pancakes, are eaten on the eve of the Lenten fast, and the Pennsylvania Germans in the United States follow this same custom. Here is their recipe:
Fastnachtskuchen (Shrove Tuesday Doughnuts)
2 cups milk 1 cup sugar 1 cake yeast 3 eggs 1/2 cup water 1/4 cup lard 6 cups flour 1 teaspoon salt
Scald the milk and allow to cool. Dissolve the yeast in the water which should be warm and add 1/2 cup of flour, sifted. Mix thoroughly. Add this to the milk with a little of the sugar. Then add 3 cups of flour, sifted, and let rise, preferably overnight. Beat the eggs well and add with the lard and the rest of the sugar. Mix well. Stir in enough of the remaining flour to make a stiff dough. Let it rise again. Turn out on a floured pastry board and roll to 1/4- inch thickness. Cut out and let the doughnuts rise to double their bulk. Fry in deep fat at 360 degrees F. for three to four minutes, turning as they fry. Drain on absorbent paper.
The Swedes make a rich yeast bun for Shrove Tuesday. After baking, the top of the bun is cut off, the inside scooped out, and the hollow filled with almond paste. The buns are put in soup plates and eaten with hot milk flavored with almonds and vanilla sugar. These have become so popular that Swedish folk serve them every Tuesday all through Lent. These buns are known as "Fet Tisdays Bullar."
Filling for Fet Tisdags Bullar (Fat Tuesday Buns)
1 cup blanched almonds 3/4 cup sugar heavy cream
Scoop out about two tablespoons from one bun after the top has been cut off and mix with blanched almonds, which have been finely chopped or ground, and the sugar, preferably confectionery sugar. Add sufficient heavy cream to make a soft paste. To flavor the hot milk which is poured over these buns, steep a two-inch piece of vanilla bean in the milk for ten minutes. (Usually a few bitter almonds are included in the paste.)
In the Netherlands is eaten the "Worstebrod" that looks like a plain loaf of bread, but the inside is filled with sausage meat, the last eaten before Lent. In Belgium "Waterzoei," essentially a Flemish dish, is popular on this day as well as throughout Lent. The recipe is flexible and can be adapted to one's personal taste.
Waterzoei (Fish Soup)
2 lbs. fish white pepper 3 tablespoons butter salt 1 carrot wine and water 1 onion 1 lemon 3 cloves sprig of parsley thyme
The fish used in "Waterzoei" (it is called "Waterzootje" in Dutch) is traditionally carp, eel, tench, roach, perch, or barbel but any combination may be used. Cut off the heads and tails of your fish and fry them lightly in butter, adding the minced carrot and onion, the herbs and the spices. Add 1/3 water and 2/3 dry white wine to generously cover. Let this bouillon simmer for half an hour, then add your fish, cut in 2-inch lengths, and cook quickly for another twenty minutes or until the fish is done. Just before serving add a peeled lemon, cut into thin slices and with the seeds removed. The soup is served with thin slices of brown bread spread with butter. Our informant adds, "For some tastes, the heads and tails should be removed before serving the dish"--with which we would agree heartily.
In the southern part of the United States, Mardi Gras--Fat Tuesday--has long been extravagantly celebrated. Many of the inhabitants of New Orleans particularly are of French descent, so it is not strange that the Shrove Tuesday festivities of Paris were brought to the New World, and even improved upon. In New Orleans these end a gay season of parades and balls, very costly in general, and organized by groups known as "krewes." The king of the whole Carnival is chosen by the Rex "krewe" and takes a leading role in the parade and in the revelries and feasting that follow. Private and public dinners are given before the grand ball on the evening of Mardi Gras, and among other items of excellent creole cookery is certain to appear
Creme Brulee Creole
8 eggs 2 tablespoons white 2 cups light cream granulated sugar brown sugar pinch of salt
Beat your eggs well into the cream, adding the granulated sugar and salt. Cook slowly in a double boiler, stirring constantly until as thick as custard. Pour into a baking dish and set aside to cool. When the custard has set, cover with 1 inch of brown sugar. Place under a preheated broiler for about five minutes, taking care that the sugar does not burn. When cold, place in refrigerator until ready to use.
Ash Wednesday
We have finished with the feastings of Shrove Tuesday now, and they are a memory only, a haunting aroma, a vanished delight. We have come to Ash Wednesday, "dies cinerum," the beginning of Lent.
The origin of the Lenten fast, historically considered, is very obscure. It may have evolved from an ancient one-day fast, which preceded every Sunday, into the forty-day fast which precedes the greatest feast of the Christian year. But this fast is very old in time and dates back almost to Apostolic days. The number forty has many analogies--the number of days of the fast of Elias, of the years of the wandering of the Israelites; of the days of the Flood, of Moses on Mount Sinai, and of Christ in the desert. Saint Irenaeus mentions variations of its length--a day, forty hours, several days. The one day which was always kept as a fast day is that of Good Friday.
In early times, as now, food eaten during Lent was a matter of deep interest--what to eat and what not to eat. One historian of the fifth century says that "some abstain from every creature that has life, but that others eat fish; that some eat also birds because in the account of the creation these too sprang from the water. And some eat no fruit with a hard shell and some eat no eggs, and some eat dry bread only and others hardly that."
We have fasters of that intense sort today too. There is a super-observance and an under-observance, depending on the person. We know a woman who carefully weighs the amount of bread she eats during Lent so that she does not eat a crumb too much. She has the right idea no doubt because your eyes might give you another piece but your scales won't!
None of us, of course, fast today as they did in long-ago centuries, when eggs and butter were taboo and when often the standard diet for Lent consisted only of bread, salt, and water. We doubt whether we could get through a day on bread only, and this is strange, for the people of other days were really better trenchermen than we. Any ancient cookery book will prove that. Why is it then that the modern quails at a diet of bread when this was the sole food taken on any fast day in medieval times?
The writer of a recent article, Julie Bedier, gives one explanation. She says, in an article in "The Commonweal," it is because in those days bread was always bread. She writes of the bread of the peasant, a meal in itself, dark brown and solid and substantial, as compared with the urban white bread that is "like a nice, tender paper towel." She feels it would be quite easy to keep a fast on such bread, a complete meal with vitamins intact for desk workers and laborers alike. She may be right at that.
We would add one other food item to hers--a good big salad at least once a day. And, of course, plenty of hot coffee. If those three foods make a fast, we are for it. The only problem that remains is how to get simple peasant bread out of a modern bakery.
One thing, however, is certain, and that is that fish is a standard food for Lent. The range of choice is certainly wide here, with simple recipes for simple folk and complicated recipes for complicated people. A cookery book of over a hundred years ago mentions two varieties for different castes: for the ordinary you and me there is suggested salt fish with parsley and egg sauce; for the epicure, a dish of turbot with wine gravy and capers.
Egg and Parsley Sauce
2 hard-boiled eggs white sauce 1 tablespoon parsley lemon juice onion juice
Chop the eggs coarsely and mix with the finely minced parsley. Add this to your white (or cream) sauce which has been flavored with lemon and onion juice.
In our democratic way, we can range from a plain slice of codfish to lobster thermidor. An unusual sauce hailing from the Mediterranean is "Aioli," which is really mayonnaise made with garlic, and at times, with bread crumbs. It is served with many things but usually with boiled fish.
Aioli
3 cloves garlic salt 2 egg yolks mustard pepper 1-1/3 cups olive oil lemon juice
Start by pounding 3 cloves of garlic and then add the egg yolks, seasonings, and then the oil, drop by drop, just as you would in making mayonnaise. A few drops of lemon juice are added at the end.
There is still another group of persons who do not like fish in any form, and to them fish is just fish no matter how regal its birth or how great a chef prepares it. These folk might ponder on Saint Corentinus, patron saint of Quimper, a hermit of the sixth century. He lived in a forest, close to a stream; each morning a fish, sent by the angels to nourish him, swam to the bank where he lived. Corentinus cut a slice off of it for his daily meal. Then the fish swam away, evidently feeling happy about the whole thing. Next day he returned promptly to be again amputated.
The Irish have a good substantial dish for Lent which is fishless. With them Champ is a favorite dinner for the Lenten season. It is composed of freshly boiled, peeled potatoes, drained and then pounded with a beetle (Irish for potato masher). While the potatoes are being pounded, a vegetable such as nettles, or scallions, or perhaps parsley or chives, which have been boiled in milk, is added. Each person is given a large plateful, a hole is made in the center, and into this a large lump of butter is put. Champ is eaten from the outside with a fork or spoon, dipping it into the melting butter in the center. The whole is washed down with freshly churned buttermilk.
Ash Wednesday is observed as a day of absolute fast in many parts of the world. It is not in any case a day for varied menus, but rather one for church attendance and dietetic simplicities. In Spain on this day a strip of pork is cut in the shape of a fish and buried with pomp and ceremony, to signify that there will be less meat on the table for some time to come, and this is called the "entierro de la sardina."
England had a pudding for this day--Stir-up Pudding. It was considered wrong to spend time cooking on Ash Wednesday, and this pudding was one which could be stirred up in a hurry, for it consisted only of milk and flour and fruit syrups. Later it was called Hasty Pudding and so the English call it today.
Austrians make a pretzel for this day called "Fastenbrezel." This is very appropriate, for the pretzel had a religious origin. In other centuries these were made in monasteries and were shaped like a ring with a cross above them. They were known by the Latin name "pretiolum," which means a little prize. The monks, so the story goes, gave them as prizes to good students and sometimes to all in their schools who had been good children. From this Latin word has evolved our plebian word pretzel, and of course it is easy to see from its shape that it might well have started in life as a circle and a cross.
February 14: Feast of Saint Valentine
During this month, sometimes within Lent and sometimes before it begins, comes a festival that is everyone's day-- Saint Valentine's. It is the day of lovers' meetings and lovers' greetings. Whether the custom still exists, we don't know, but in our school days we had a box into which everyone put "valentines" for those toward whom he felt a tender passion or even a small affection. It led to unhappy results, for when the box was opened and the children's names were called, the flip little party with golden curls and vacuous blue eyes had her desk piled high, while the good little girl, who cleaned the blackboards after school, had uninteresting braids, and wore glasses, got only one or possibly two.
Life, it is true, may be just like that, but perhaps more than one female of uncertain age is telling her psychoanalyst about one of those valentine boxes.
At all events, Valentine's Day is a day of love. In the Middle Ages there was a belief that on this day the birds began to mate, and Chaucer speaks of
Seynt Valentyne's Day, When every foul cometh to choos hys mate.
The identity of the saint who started all this is really not known. There were three Valentines, all saints and martyrs, and all honored on this day. One died in Rome, one was a bishop at Terni, and one came from Africa. It is the bishop who is usually associated with the celebration of this day. Certainly, whoever he may be, he has made it a pleasant feast, and Charles Lamb calls him "the great immortal go- between."
In Leicestershire, England, lozenge-shaped buns, made with caraway seeds and currants, called Valentine Buns were formerly given to old people and children. The old-fashioned Valentine cookies, cut into heart shapes, sprinkled with red sugar, and decorated with red and white frosting, or even gilt, have also gone out of style. They should be revived.
Saint Valentine Cookies
2-1/2 cups brown sugar 1 tablespoon ginger 1-1/2 cups cream 1/2 grated lemon rind 1 cup molasses 8 cups flour 3 teaspoons soda
Beat the sugar into the cream until it is thickened but not stiff; then add the molasses, ginger, and lemon rind and mix thoroughly. Sift the flour with the soda and add this to the first mixture. Knead until smooth and chill several hours, or better still, overnight. Roll out dough 1/8 inch thick, cut into desired shapes (hearts of course!) and bake at 275 degrees F. for fifteen minutes. Allow to cool before removing from sheet. Decorate!
MARCH
March 1: Feast of Saint David
THE FIRST day of March marks the day of a saint who would seem to have no association with the culinary art but who is known to have had the leek as his symbol. The figure of David, the principal patron of Wales, is shrouded in legend, but he is said to have been a monk and a bishop; he is popularly supposed to have been a nephew of King Arthur.
It is told that when his people were engaged in a bitter battle against the Saxons, both armies looked alike in battle dress, and so close was the fighting that it was very hard to distinguish between friend and foe. David suggested that the Welsh soldiers wear a leek in their hats so that they could be readily identified from the enemy. They obeyed and won the battle. Thereafter the leek became the national symbol of Wales, and it is still worn by Welshmen on this day. The wearing and eating of the leek is a way of designating the true Taffy even away from home, and at Jesus College, Oxford, much frequented by Welshmen, Saint David's Day is marked by the undergraduates wearing real leeks; and a dinner is given, attended by the Fellows, who wear artificial ones in their buttonholes.
There is an excellent soup which has this vegetable as its chief ingredient. |
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Date: April 10th, 2006 5:35 AM Author: Welsh Leek Soup
4 large leeks 1 onion 4 potatoes butter 6 cups water 2 egg yolks salt 1/2 cup cream pepper
Carefully wash the leeks and cut them into narrow strips. Peel the potatoes, slice them, and cook them in the water with a pinch of salt until soft. Mince an onion, mix with the leeks, and saute in a little butter till soft but not brown. Add to the potatoes. When the vegetables are quite soft, put them through a fine sieve and return to the liquid. Beat 2 egg yolks and mix with the cream; put in a tureen and add a little of the hot soup, stirring all the while. Season to taste. Add the rest of the soup and serve.
March 17: Feast of Saint Patrick
The great Irish Patrick follows the Welsh David in our roll call of the saints. His name means the patrician, and he was the son of highborn Roman parents who were Christians, his father holding the office of "decurio" in Gaul or Britain. Captured by Irish marauders when he was a lad, he was taken to Ireland and sold into slavery; after six years he escaped and returned to his native land. But he had grown to love the Ireland of his captivity, and he set his heart on its conversion to Christianity. Serenely he went ahead with his mission and prepared himself under the guidance of a relative, Saint Martin of Tours, at the island monastery of Lerins. Arriving in Ireland to begin his work, Patrick was bitterly opposed by the Druids, but he preached and taught there for many years and succeeded in establishing the Christian faith.
His feast is one of high celebration not only in the Ireland of his love and labors but in the United States as well. In fact, one admiring Irish visitor, seeing the celebrations of this day in New York City, gave the highest praise he could when he remarked that they "excelled those in Dublin itself."
And no doubt he had little difficulty in finding in New York the potato dish he would have eaten on that day in his own Dublin. This, called Colcannon, is one of Ireland's favorites, since for the Irish "a day without potatoes is a day without nourishment"; and he would have doubtless covered it with a rich brown gravy of some kind.
Colcannon
1 lb. cold boiled potatoes 4 tablespoons bacon fat 1 onion 2 cups boiled cabbage salt and pepper
Mash the potatoes. Mince the onion and fry lightly in the bacon fat (butter may be substituted). Mix potatoes, cabbage which has been chopped, and the onion and season with salt and pepper. Grease a baking dish, pour in the mixture, and bake for thirty minutes in a moderate oven at 350 degrees F.
And he would certainly try to find:
Irish Soda Bread
2 lbs. flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 1 cup buttermilk 1 teaspoon cream of tartar
Sift the flour and the dry ingredients into a bowl. Make a hole in the center and stir in the buttermilk. If too dry, add a little more milk. Make a rather stiff dough, divide into 2 loaves, and bake on a greased pan in a moderate oven at 350 degrees F. for forty-five minutes.
Back in his own country our Irishman would have eaten (for all fast-day laws are suspended on Saint Patrick's Day) succulent chops, boiled ham, roast chicken, or good roast beef and these he could easily find in New York too. But he would have had trouble locating an Irish extra-special dish such as this eaten only on great occasions:
Jellied Pig's Head
Clean the pig's head thoroughly, split it in two, and allow it to pickle for four days in a brine made of one part salt to nine parts water. Then put into a large pot, cover with water, and add 1 large onion quartered, a clove of garlic (optional), the rind of 1 lemon, 1 bay leaf, 6 whole peppercorns, and 6 whole cloves. Bring to a boil and then allow to simmer for three to four hours, that is, until the meat is tender but unbroken. The most delicate part of the next operation is removing all of the bones while still retaining the shape of the head. The tongue may be cut up and inserted in various places where the cooking has caused a loss of fat. Place the head in a deep bowl and cover with the stock, adding salt if necessary and a little white vinegar, just enough to make it tart. Set in a cool place until the stock has jellied. Unmould and cut in very thin slices. Serve with a necklace of parsley.
March 19: Feast of Saint Joseph
Two days after the feast of the great Irish saint comes the day of the carpenter of Nazareth, Saint Joseph, "the just man," of whom the Gospels say little but whom the world has taken to its heart. Although he is often pictured as an aged man, bearded and bent with years, we incline to the concept of a younger Joseph, more fitted to his role as protector of the young Mary and her Child.
Saint Joseph is patron of many places and many trades. He is the patron of the spiritual home of Christians, the Church, and of their material homes as well.
Generosity marks this day, as it did the character of Joseph himself. In many nations it is a day of sharing with the poor and needy, and nowhere is this better carried out than in the nation which perhaps loves San Giuseppe the most-- Italy. In many Italian villages, and especially in Sicily, everyone of any means contributes to a table spread in the public square as a thank offering for favors received from prayers to this kindly saint. The bread made for this day is often shaped like a scepter or a beard; villagers representing Jesus, Mary, and Joseph are guests of honor at the feast, and other guests are the orphans and widows and beggars. After Mass all go in procession to this festive table and, after the priest blesses the feast, everyone falls to with shouts of "Viva la tavila di San Giuseppe!" At the end of the meal every guest is given something to take home. At these feasts a good soup is usually served, preferably "Minestrone."
Minestrone
1/2 lb. salt pork 2 tablespoons butter 2 qts. water 1 cup dried beans 1 clove garlic (soaked overnight) 2 sprigs parsley salt and pepper 2 carrots rice 2 stalks celery 1/2 cup peas 1/2 small head of cabbage
Cut the rind from the pork and set it to boil in cold water. Cut off a small piece of the pork and pound it in a mortar, with the garlic and the parsley. Slice the carrots, the celery, the cabbage leaves (remove ribs), and add with the butter, the dried beans, salt and pepper to the boiling water. Then add the rest of the pork and allow to simmer for two and one-half hours. Then add a handful of rice for each person to be served together with the peas. Cook until rice is done.
Although all kinds of lentils and dried beans are eaten on Saint Joseph's feast, the cheese, usually so popular a part of the Italian diet, is not served, and instead of the usual grated Parmesan the minestrone would be served with dry toasted bread crumbs.
The traditional dessert is a cream puff known as "Sfinge di San Giuseppe."
Sfinge (Sphinx Puffs)
1 cup pastry flour 1 tablespoon sugar 1/2 cup butter 4 eggs 1 cup water grated orange peel salt grated lemon peel
Filling
1 lb. ricotta (Italian 2 tablespoons sugar pot cheese) orange peel 2 tablespoons chocolate creme de cacao
To make your puffs, combine flour, butter, water, salt, and sugar in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Cook and stir until the mass leaves the side of the pan. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add a little grated orange and lemon peel. Drop by tablespoon on a baking sheet; bake at 400 degrees F. for ten minutes and then reduce heat to 350 degrees F. for another twenty-five minutes.
Stir until smooth the "ricotta," chocolate, sugar, a little grated orange peel, and a generous dash of "creme de cacao" and use this to fill your puffs when they have cooled.
A special dessert made in Bologna for this feast is "Ravioli di San Giuseppe." Made in the same way as other dumplings but with puff paste or short crust, they are filled either with marzipan or some kind of jam, and either baked in the oven or fried in oil to a rich golden color. In Naples "Zeppole" or cream fritters are traditional.
In Russia "Blini" are served with sour cream, and in Sweden a bun with cream and butter and bits of marzipan. Again in Italy little cakes filled with jam are hawked at street corners on Saint Joseph's Day. Sold right from the kettles in which they are cooked, they sometimes make the whole city smell like one vast bakeshop.
March 21: Feast of Saint Benedict
We are told that when a youth of only fifteen years, Benedict fled from the gay life of Rome to the silence and solitude of a great forest. Young as he was, he knew exactly the life he wanted to lead, and it was that of a hermit. However, since he had not taken thought as to how to provide himself with food to sustain life, his childhood nurse insisted on following him and preparing for him the food she obtained by begging. Once when she broke a sieve which she had borrowed, Benedict by a miracle made it whole again.
But after some years of these ministrations, Benedict fled from her too, this time to a cave at Subiaco. There a hermit named Romanus brought him food for a while, but when Romanus died, there was no one to serve him. Then an angel took over and guided to the saint's cave a priest who carried with him a considerable store of provisions which he shared with the hermit of Subiaco.
Later, Benedict had to leave his beloved retreat for God needed him elsewhere, and at Monte Cassino, where had been altars to Venus and to Jupiter, he erected a great monastery and founded a great order and a rule of life described as "a monument of wisdom," and which has survived the centuries.
But in his early days Benedict was certainly the most waited-on saint in all the long list of hermits!
Since Saint Benedict's feast day falls in Lent, we suggest for his feast Eggs Benedict, although we are fully aware the saint did not invent this dish.
Lenten Eggs Benedict
Follow the usual procedure for Eggs Benedict using 1/2 toasted muffin and 1 poached egg for each portion. Before placing the egg on the muffin spread this generously with anchovy paste stirred with enough heavy cream so that it will spread easily. Then add your egg, cover with a good hollandaise, and place a thin slice of truffle or about 6 capers on top.
March 25: Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary
This feast celebrates the actual moment of the Incarnation, when the Angel Gabriel appeared to Mary in her home in Nazareth--a scene so often commemorated in art and story and marked by every ringing of the Angelus bell. In old calendars it is called Feast of the Incarnation, Beginning of the Redemption, Annunciation of Our Lord. It is now held as a feast in honor of Our Lady in the Western Church, although the Church of the East makes the day rather a feast of Christ.
This day, also known as Lady Day, has long been observed with high honor in many parts of the world. In Russia it was considered so solemn a feast that, according to popular tradition, "even the birds do not mate on this day." It is also the day of the years when, according to belief in the Tyrol, the swallows return from their winter sojourn. And they will tell you too that on September 8th, which is Mary's birthday, they will once again fly southward.
In Sweden this day is familiarly called "Vaffelsdagen" (Waffle Day), and here is a favorite recipe.
Swedish Waffles
1-1/3 cups flour 2 cups sour cream 1/2 teaspoon salt 3 tablespoons water 1/2 cup butter
Sift the flour with the salt and add to the cream together with the water which should be ice cold. Keep this batter in the refrigerator for one to two hours. Then melt the butter and add to the batter. Heat the waffle iron and bake your waffles as usual. Serve with lemon juice, sugar and cinnamon, or stewed lingonberries.
MID-LENT
Laetare or Mothering Sunday
Mid-Lent is marked by Laetare Sunday, a name given the day because this word, meaning rejoice, is the beginning of the Introit of the Mass. It is a break in the long weeks of Lent with their dark liturgical vestments and flowerless altars; on this day the vestments are rose in color and the altar is decked with blossoms.
It is called Rose Sunday too, because it is the day on which in Rome the Pope blesses the Golden Rose, an ornament made of gold and precious gems, with a receptacle within the blossom into which is poured balsam and powdered musk. The Pontiff prays that the Church may so bring forth the fruit of good works and "the perfume of the ointment of the Flower sprung from the root of Jesse." These Golden Roses are given from time to time to churches or cities or to persons who have been of great service to the Church.
This day is also known as Mothering Sunday, either from a reference in the Epistle read on the fourth Sunday of Lent or because of the former custom of visiting the cathedral, that is, the mother church, on that day. And there grew up, especially in England, the idea of visiting one's own mother and taking her a gift, a custom which has grown to very secular heights today in our country on Mother's Day. It began with the praiseworthy idea of wearing a flower in honor of one's mother and, though the practice is still followed, the simple posy has grown into expensive purchases of flowers and gifts of other kinds. Perhaps it would be better to forget this new notion and go back to the old custom of visiting the church, since by honoring Mother Church one honors all mothers. And a single flower and a prayer is surely better than a fine bouquet and no prayer.
Braggot was a favorite drink for this feast day, and the word comes from the Welsh words for malt and honey. Braggot was made by boiling a variety of spices in ale, and often honey was added. Though originally a Welsh drink, it became popular in many countries and was quaffed everywhere until tea replaced it.
One delicacy especially associated with Mothering Sunday is the Simnel Cake, a yeast cake very yellow in color because of the saffron and candied peel it contained. The simnels were wrapped in cloth and boiled, then brushed with egg and baked, making a very hard cake indeed, and giving rise to the story of the lady who used one for years as a footstool.
The name simnel seems to be derived from the Latin word for very fine flour, "simila." Long before the above boiled and baked cake came into being, there was made an unleavened wafer of the same name. In those days the recipe was apparently very simple, calling only for fine wheat flour, for honey and anise to sweeten and flavor, and cold water to make a thin batter which was stamped with a wafering iron.
The later simnel cakes were much more complicated of structure, but they remained very popular despite the complaints of the bakers that too much hard work was involved in making them.
Candy, spice, eggs must take-- Chop and pound till arms do ache.
So runs one old rhymed recipe for simnels. And Herrick says of these cakes:
I'll to thee a simnel bring 'Gainst thou go a-mothering; So that, when she blesses thee, Half that blessing thou'lt give me.
There is a modern version of this cake which is quite good and worth the effort.
Simnel Cake
3/4 cup butter 1/3 cup shredded lemon 2 cups sugar and orange peel 4 eggs 1 cup currants 2 cups flour almond paste 1/2 teaspoon salt
Cream the butter and sugar till smooth. Add the eggs one at a time, beating after each addition. Sift the flour and salt, and add to the first mixture. Dust the peel and the currants with a little flour and add to the batter. Line a round cake tin with wax paper and pour in half of the dough. Add a layer of almond paste, then the remaining dough. Bake at 300 degrees F. for one hour. Ice with a thin white icing flavored with a few drops of almond extract.
Passion Sunday, also called Carling Sunday
This Sunday marks the beginning of Passiontide, the two weeks between this day and Easter especially commemorating the Passion or sufferings of Christ, the time when pictures and statues in churches are veiled in purple.
There is no food connected with the idea of the Passion, but there is with an event said to have taken place on this Sunday and which gave the day its second title of Carling Sunday. According to the story, a famine in Newcastle, England, was relieved when on that day there came into the harbor a ship with a cargo of peas commonly known as carlings. Some authorities hazard the guess that the name came from a penitential Lenten practice of wearing hard peas within the shoe--certainly a most uncomfortable custom.
The peas from which the day takes its secondary title are a variety of gray or brown pea prepared sometimes as a soup, sometimes fried in butter after being steeped in water all night--"until they be tender got." To modern palates the soup would no doubt be far more palatable.
Pea Soup
1 cup split peas 2 diced carrots 1 stalk celery 1 sliced onion 6 peppercorns 1 bay leaf 8 cups water salt 1/2 cup cream
Wash and soak the peas overnight or use the quick-cooking variety. Place with the remaining ingredients except the cream, to boil, or rather simmer for about two hours. Mash through a fine sieve and add more water if necessary. Mix a little flour with the cream and stir slowly into the soup. Serve with buttered croutons.
Another dish served in some countries on this Sunday was Frumenty, a very ancient dish indeed. It consisted of wheaten meal boiled in water and sweetened with sugar. There is a legend that this is the food with which Joseph regaled his brethren and that he gave a double portion to the one brother who had been kind to him, the young Benjamin.
Palm Sunday
This day in observance of Christ's triumphant entry into Jerusalem is everywhere commemorated. In Rome at the Basilica of Saint John Lateran, "the mother and head of all the churches in the city and in the world," are blessed branches of palm and olive trees, and in churches of every country palms or green branches of some kind are blessed and distributed to the congregation. These palms are saved carefully, later to be burned to ashes for the next year's ceremonies of Ash Wednesday.
Palm Sunday was sometimes called Hosanna Sunday in past years, and was also known as the Flowery Festival because blossoms were intertwined with the palms. One of our American States owes its name to this custom: Florida was discovered on Palm Sunday of 1512, and the Spanish therefore named the day "Pascua Florida."
In Sicily dust from the church floor is swept up on this day and spread over the fields, and in Russia boughs of pussy willow are blessed and waved over the grain as protection against the elements. In other countries very elaborately decorated "palms" are constructed by young men and their lasses. All week long they collect flowers, fruit, honeycombs, and other edibles, which are hung on a large cross and what is left over is fastened to a pole. Of course the most heavily laden of these prove most popular the couple who constructed them.
In the Tyrol it is the children who make elaborate "palms" woven with ribbons and decorated with apples, candy, and flowers. The structure is topped by a bunch of pussy willows, and these are called "palm kittens" by the Tyrolese. After the palms have been proudly displayed in the church and through the village, the creators of the fine affairs take them home and eat all that is edible.
In various parts of England this day is sometimes called Fig Sunday. Rich and poor eat figs on this day, and the markets of years ago were filled with this fruit on the eve of the feast. A rather odd item of the 1860's describing this custom says that "even the charity children are in some places regaled with them."
Why the custom of eating figs on this day came into being no one knows for certain, but some authorities suggest it may be from the tradition that Christ ate figs after His entry into Jerusalem. This is connected with the withering of the barren fig tree, related shortly after the account of the triumphant entry into Jerusalem in Saint Matthew's Gospel.
Fig Pudding
1/2 cup sugar 1 teaspoon baking 1/3 cup butter powder 2 cups bread crumbs cinnamon 1 cup milk nutmeg 4 eggs cloves 1/4 cup flour 1/2 cup figs 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 cup seeded raisins
Cream the sugar and butter, add the bread crumbs and milk, and mix thoroughly. Add the beaten eggs, the flour sifted with salt and baking powder and a pinch of each of the spices, the figs which have been chopped, and the raisins. Fill a greased pudding mold three-quarters full, cover tightly, and steam for three hours. Serve with hard or lemon sauce.
Maundy Thursday
Maundy or Holy Thursday is of course the day commemorating the Last Supper and the institution of the Eucharist. The derivation of the word "maundy" has been given as the Saxon word "maund," for the hamper originally used to hold provisions to be given to the poor, for it was a day of almsgiving and generosity to those in need. The word is also said to come from the old French word "maundier," to beg. Most likely of its explanations is that it was named from the antiphon of the ceremony of the Washing of the Feet which takes place on that day: "Mandatum novum do vobis"--"A new commandment I give to you," words spoken by Our Lord to His disciples on the eve of His death.
A custom was prevalent in certain European countries that greens should be eaten on this day, coming no doubt from the Charoseth or Jewish meal of bitter herbs, and the day is sometimes called Green Thursday. Among the Pennsylvania Dutch, spinach and dandelion greens are still eaten on Holy Thursday to prevent spring illness, an idea no doubt brought from Germany where it is an ancient belief. Perhaps this was considered a tonic after the Lenten foods, vitamins for a system which for some weeks had been underfed and might be open to attack by some germ or virus. Since the idea seems a good one, we offer a spinach dish for this day.
Holy Thursday Spinach
Prepare your spinach in the usual manner. Chop it finely--do not put it through a grinder. Mince an onion, fry it lightly in 2 tablespoons of butter, dust with a little flour, and stir into your chopped spinach. Then add 1 cup of sour cream, stirring thoroughly. Boil 2 eggs until hard, slice, and place over your spinach in the shape of a cross.
In Czechoslovakia children are given for breakfast on Maundy Thursday what are called Judases, rather gruesome cakes shaped like a rope in commemoration of the tragic end of the betrayer. In Picardy the children who chant the hours of the services are rewarded with eggs.
In Macedonia little cakes are made called Turtledoves in the form of a bird and having cloves for eyes. Another custom followed there on Holy Thursday is the coloring of the eggs for Easter. The mother of the family, after decorating the first Easter egg and making with it the sign of the cross over her children, places it close to the icon of the "Panagia"--the Greek word for The All Holy, the common Greek name for Our Lady, a contraction of her full title: All Holy Mother of God.
Good Friday
In the Eastern Church this day is known as Great or Holy Friday. The Western title is supposed to be a corruption of the phrase "God's Friday," the day on which Christ died. On this day the bells are silenced, and in France the children are told that they have flown to Rome to return only on Holy Saturday. In Italy on Good Friday children are even warned not to laugh when playing, because of the solemnity of the time.
In certain places this day is observed by so strict a fast that it is often called the Black Fast, because many do not eat at all until sundown. However, one article of food is intimately associated with and eaten on this day, and that is the Hot Cross Bun.
Hot Cross Buns originated in England, and more than one nursery rhyme and ballad contain references to them. Saffron plays a part in the better-class English Hot Cross Bun, but as a rule they are small and plain, well browned and with icing on top in the form of a cross.
Hot Cross Buns
1 yeast cake 1 egg 1/4 cup lukewarm water 1/4 cup shredded citron 1 cup milk 1/4 cup seedless raisins 1/2 cup sugar 3 cups flour 1/2 cup shortening 1/2 teaspoon salt
Soften the yeast in the lukewarm water. Scald milk, add sugar and shortening, and cool. Add the beaten egg, the yeast, citron, raisins, and the flour sifted with the salt. Knead and let rise to double its bulk. Shape into buns, place on greased baking sheet, and let rise until light. Brush with a little milk and bake at 375 degrees F. for about twenty minutes. When done, cover with powdered sugar in the shape of a cross or do the same with a thin icing.
There were many superstitions concerning this bun. In some families one was put aside and kept during the following year. If someone fell ill, a little of the bun was grated into water and given to the sick person to aid his recovery. And so much has this bread become a symbol of friendship that if two people break a bun between them and eat it, the English tradition runs:
Half for you and half for me, Between us two shall goodwill be.
Perhaps if the warring nations, the ones for whom Good Friday was once a holy day observed by the Truce of God, and the ones to whom it still represents a basic fact in the life of the spirit, could be persuaded to break a Good Friday bun instead of each other's heads, the world might again progress in amity and friendship. They might all know Him again in the breaking of bread.
In many parts of Germany it is customary to eat only "Spatzle" and stewed fruits for the evening meal on Good Friday.
Spatzle (Dumplings)
1-1/2 cups flour 1/2 cup milk pinch of salt 1/2 cup water 2 eggs bread crumbs 1/4 lb. butter
Sift the flour with the salt into a bowl. Add the eggs and the milk and water. Stir until smooth. Then, with a fork dipped in boiling water, cut the dough in small pieces into boiling water. Boil for a few minutes until they rise to the top. Cover with bread crumbs fried in butter. Serve with warm stewed prunes or other dried fruits.
APRIL
April 1: Feast of Saint Hugh of Grenoble
APRIL is the "opening month," the month of expectation of spring and new hope. Centuries ago April was considered the year's actual beginning, and in some ways this seems more fitting than our present arrangement. For the earth that has been hard and cold with winter is growing soft again with rain and sun, and in garden and woodland the early flowers are in bloom; the great resurgent mystery which we accept as commonplace is again before us. Even though Easter sometimes comes earlier, this month is, in truth, the month of the Resurrection and Risen Love.
There is a saint for this day, Hugh of Grenoble, who lived in the twelfth century and who sometimes left his bishopric to live for a time in a Carthusian monastery as a simple monk. Once, on arriving, he found the monks assembled in the refectory but with nothing to eat. He was told that some benefactor had indeed given them fowl but their rule forbade the eating of meat. When Saint Hugh saw their predicament, he promptly made the sign of the cross and changed the fowl into turtles.
Could there be anything more appropriate for this day, then, than Mock Turtle Soup?
Mock Turtle Soup
1 calf's head pinch of cayenne butter pepper 2 veal bones 6 cloves 1 lb. beef pinch of mace 6 onions pinch of basil 2 shallots 1/2 glass sherry rind of 1 lemon juice of 2 lemons
Plunge the calf's head into boiling water, let it remain for one minute, then remove and rub with a coarse towel. Bone the head, put it into a saucepan, cover with cold water, and skim several times as it boils. Butter the bottom of a soup kettle; add the veal bones which have been cracked and 2 quarts of cold water. Cover and reduce until almost all the water has boiled away, leaving a sort of glaze. Add the calf's head, beef, onions, shallots, lemon rind and the seasoning and herbs, with water to cover generously and boil until the calf's head is done. Strain and let it cool; then remove all of the fat. Put back in the kettle, add the meat of the calf's head and the tongue cut in small cubes. Add the sherry and the lemon juice. Heat to the boiling point but do not boil.
Holy Saturday
In the early centuries of the Church, the lengthy office of Holy Saturday was recited at midnight on the eve of Easter. The ceremonies of the lighting of the new fire and illumination of the Paschal candle, the blessing of the baptismal font, and the prophecies and litanies ended, as was reasonable, at the first Mass of Easter morning itself. Today we have all this on the morning of Holy Saturday, but there are signs that we will return to the earlier way. Lent is considered to end at noon on Holy Saturday. Not only is the fast ended, but there takes place the dropping of the veils from the statues, the swift replacing on the empty altar of candles and flowers in preparation for the glorious drama of the Resurrection.
The "anticipation" of Easter is observed in various countries on Holy Saturday by religious processions, the lighting of new fires and other local customs. Sometimes a large bonfire of burning logs is made before the cathedrals of Germany and Austria and used for the new fire of the liturgical ceremonies. From these the children take home pieces of burning wood, from which is lighted the fire for cooking the Easter food.
In Italian homes various customs are observed. The parish priest passes from house to house blessing each with holy water. At dinner the head of the family blesses the table with a palm branch kept from Palm Sunday, and special cakes and a pizza made with eggs are eaten.
Casatiella (Egg Pizza)
1 lb. flour 1 cup lukewarm water 1 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons olive oil 1 yeast cake or lard 4 hard-boiled eggs
Sift flour and salt on a board and add the yeast which has been dissolved in the lukewarm water. Knead well and work in 2 tablespoons of olive oil or lard; knead again until smooth. Set aside in a warm place to rise for about three hours or until doubled in bulk. Then spread the dough about 3/4 inch thick in your largest pie pan. Make eight holes at regular intervals, insert half a hard-boiled egg, and press surrounding dough over it to cover. Brush with a little oil or butter, sprinkle with salt, and bake for about twenty minutes in a 400 degrees F. oven.
Most interesting customs are observed in Poland where the "Swiecone" or Easter repast is laid out in order on the table, sometimes enough food for the whole of Easter week, and blessed by the priest who makes the rounds to the homes of his flock on Holy Saturday. On this table one finds hams and legs of veal and lamb twined around with linked sausages. In the center is a mould of butter or a cake shaped like a lamb and circled with cakes and colored eggs. The moulded lamb is apt to carry a Polish flag--it is typical of Poland to bring the symbol of its beloved land to this great spiritual feast.
The Moravians brought early to this country from Bohemia by way of Germany their special observances of Holy Saturday. The Unitas Fratrum, or followers of Huss, settled in Pennsylvania in 1740, and at Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, among other places, their early customs are still faithfully observed.
In Bethlehem, in the late afternoon of Holy Saturday a band of trombone players mount to the steeple of the church, where traditional hymns are played. Afterward, following a "love feast," a choir, accompanied by the trombonists, goes from house to house singing, and this continues until early morning. After a breakfast of Moravian sugar cakes and coffee, the entire congregation returns to the church for a pre-sunrise meeting. Then in slow procession all go to the burial ground, where the graves of the departed have been decked with flowers; there, facing the east, the trombones greet the rising sun. There is a short service, and a very joyous one, for the Easter day has dawned.
Moravian Love Cakes
2 cups honey 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg 2 tablespoons sugar 1 teaspoon cinnamon 4 oz. chopped almonds pinch of cloves 1/2 lb. chopped candied rind of 1 lemon peel 2 tablespoons sherry 1/2 teaspoon baking soda or rum flour
Boil the honey and sugar for five minutes. Add the chopped almonds and boil for another five minutes; then add the chopped candied peel, the soda, the nutmeg freshly grated, cloves, cinnamon, lemon rind grated, and the sherry. Add enough sifted flour to make a dough that will roll out thinly, cut into oblongs, and bake in a 300 degrees F. oven for about twenty minutes. Ice with sugar.
EASTER SUNDAY: Feast of the Resurrection
The greatest feast of the Christian Church takes its name, strangely enough, from that of Eastre, the Anglo-Saxon goddess of the dawn. For this statement we have the authority of the learned Venerable Bede.
The feast, however, has another name, the "Pasch," the Greek word coming from the Hebrew "pesakh," the Passover. This is the term for the feast which is used in nearly every language save English and German, and even these two use the words Paschal candle and Paschaltide. In the churches of the Eastern Orthodox the feast of Easter comes somewhat later than in the Western calendar, but the observance is as great, if not greater.
Among Orthodox Russians two people meeting on the street at Easter exchange greetings that give in two short phrases the essence of the day. "Christ is risen," says one, and the other responds, "He is risen indeed."
The Orthodox ceremony of Easter includes an early morning procession to a church which is in utter darkness; the Resurrection is announced to the congregation by the ceremony called "the Assault of Heaven," which takes place before its closed doors. Then the procession enters, but now into an edifice brilliantly lighted, for all know that Christ has, as the phrase has it, risen indeed.
In the older Russia Easter was a day of great feasting. On long tables were placed roasted pig and sausages and sweet tarts. And there was especially the "Paskha" of cheese and the "Koulich," the latter a bread so delicate that pillows were put about the pan in which the dough was rising so that it would not fall; anxious housewives kept husbands with heavy boots and frolicking children out of the kitchen until the "Koulich" was safely out of the oven. Deep in the top of this cake were formed the letters "X V," the initials of the words meaning "Christ is risen."
Paskha
3/4 lb. cream cheese 1/4 lb. chopped almonds 1/4 lb. sweet butter 1/4 lb. chopped candied 1/2 cup sour cream peel 1/4 lb. sugar 1/2 lb. seedless raisins
Take the cream cheese (or pot cheese) which should be quite dry and mix it well with the butter, sour cream, the sugar, the blanched, chopped almonds, the candied peel and the raisins. The mixing is essential and may best be done with an electric beater. Traditionally the "paskha" is pressed in a wooden mould. However, it can be placed in a strainer lined with a piece of moistened cheesecloth and left to drain for at least half a day or overnight. Turn out your "paskha" and decorate it with almonds and raisins in the form of a cross.
Koulich
1 cup white raisins 1-1/2 cups scalded milk 3 tablespoons rum 7 eggs 1-1/2 yeast cakes 1 cup sugar 1/2 cup warm water 3/4 lb. butter 10 cups flour 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon saffron
Soak the raisins in the rum. Soak the yeast in the lukewarm water. Mix 5 cups of the flour with the milk which has been cooled; combine with the yeast and beat well. Allow to rise for three hours in a warm place. Beat the yolks of 5 eggs with the sugar. Mix with the batter. Melt the butter, mix with the salt and the raisins, and add to the batter. Sift the rest of the flour with the saffron. Mix into the batter and knead well. Bake in a pan that should be about 12 inches high (a lard pail will do). Brush with butter and set to rise again till double in bulk. Brush top with egg yoke; bake in a 400 degrees F. oven fur fifteen minutes and then reduce heat to 350 degrees F. for another forty-five minutes or until done.
The "Koulich" of Russia becomes the "Babka" of Poland; the name derives from the word meaning old woman, because the cake, tall and wide, looks like an old woman with wide skirts. For this feast the tables of Hungary were formerly as laden as those of Poland, and the various dishes served were very similar.
In Italy the Easter customs concerning food are many and varied. Even for breakfast are prepared special dishes of eggs with vegetables and herbs. There are many holiday breads, and on the dinner table appears inevitably "Agnellino" (roasted baby lamb) always accompanied by roasted artichokes.
Carciofi Arrostiti (Roasted Artichokes)
6 artichokes 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 tablespoons chopped salt and pepper parsley 6 tablespoons olive oil 1/2 cup water
After removing the tough outer leaves of your artichokes, soak them for half an hour, heads down, in a bowl of well- salted cool water. Make a paste of your parsley, garlic, and salt and pepper and spread between the leaves of your artichokes. Place in a saucepan so that they will stand upright with half the oil at the bottom of the pan and the rest poured over the vegetables. "Roast" for five to six minutes over a high flame, taking care that they do not burn. Add a little water and cook until the water has evaporated. Then add the rest of the water and continue cooking, about half an hour in all or until the outer leaves come off easily.
In Switzerland a plain coffee cake is made in the form of a small wreath in the center of which is imbedded a colored egg. When the baking is finished, the egg seems to be neatly resting in a brown nest. The custom also exists in Italy, but in bringing it to America the form of the cake has been changed. Often now we see it in the shape of a rabbit with colored eggs stuck in various places. This effect is ridiculous, but the little Swiss wreath is charming. From Italy comes for this feast a wonderful soup called "Brodetto Pasquale."
Brodetto Pasquale (Easter Broth)
1 lb. lean beef 3 leeks 1 lb. breast of lamb herb bouquet 1 veal bone spring marjoram 1 beef bone peppercorns 3 qts. water salt 3 carrots egg yolks (1 per portion) 1 stalk celery lemon juice Parmesan cheese
Put the bones and the meat in the soup kettle with cold water. Bring to a boil and skim carefully. Add the vegetables, herbs and seasoning. Cover with a lid partially open (this helps to keep the broth clear) and simmer for about three hours. Break as many egg yolks in a dish as there are to be portions served and beat with a little lemon juice. Gradually add the soup, hot off the fire, stirring continuously. Place back on the fire and allow to thicken but not boil. Serve in a tureen, with narrow strips of toast dusted with grated Parmesan.
In Finland there is a very special Easter dish called "paasiasismammi," a porridge which from its name might well be called Proofreader's Despair, and from which even the trained and etymological eye can discern easily only the first part, evidently meaning Pasch. This porridge is as complicated as its name; it is made of rye flour, orange peel, and malt, and mixed with water, boiled very slowly, and eaten cold with cream. It is an indispensable Easter item on every Finnish table.
As in so many other lands, Greece prefers the lamb for Easter dinner to all other meats, though there is a very special bread called the Bread of Christ, marked with a cross and decorated with red Easter eggs, which is also a required item. But the important thing is lamb. In fact, there comes from Macedonia this proverb, "Easter without lamb is a thing that cannot be." |
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Date: April 10th, 2006 5:37 AM Author:
Greek Easter Lamb
Prepare your leg of lamb as usual. When it is ready for the oven, make three or four incisions and insert in each a clove of garlic. Rub with salt and pepper, lemon juice, and a generous portion of marjoram. Wild marjoram is used in Greece and is called "rigano". If you can get dried "oregano," use this instead of the marjoram. In Greek "origanon" means "the joy of the mountains." Since leg of lamb is inclined to be dry, most cooks advise leaving the skin, or fell, around it. However, then the seasoning does not penetrate as well as it should. Should your lamb be dry, rub it well with 2 tablespoons of butter before applying the seasoning. Lamb should be well done, in a moderate oven, and basted from time to time with the pan juices. It may be served with rice or potatoes or eggplant. If using potatoes, slice them thin and add them to the roast, with a cup of tomatoes, half an hour before the roast is done. If using rice, this may also be added to the roasting pan but see that it has been cooked for about ten minutes previously; instead of tomatoes, use 2 cups of tomato juice which will be absorbed by the rice. Small eggplants, cut in half lengthwise (do not peel), can be added with the potatoes and tomatoes. The roasting time depends upon the size of your leg of lamb, but thirty to thirty-five minutes to the pound will suffice.
To the lamb Greece adds jellied fish in a cross-shaped mould, "Dolmas" and "Callalou" and a delicious rose leaf jam.
Rose Leaf Jam
Take the petals only of dark red roses, taking care not to include any of the pollen, and an equal amount of sugar. To a pound of each allow the juice of 2 lemons and a little water. Set in the sun until the sugar is completely melted. Then boil for twenty minutes and put in jars.
Not in any one country but in nearly every land we find another specific article of food for this day, and that is the Easter egg. The coloring of eggs for spring festivals is a very ancient custom and long pre-dates Christianity. The Egyptians and the Persians, the Greeks and the Romans, all colored eggs. In every land the egg is the symbol of fertility; the coloring on them is sometimes merely adornment but sometimes it has a deeper meaning, as in countries where they are colored red as a symbol of the blood of Christ.
In Poland colored eggs are called "pisanki," from the word to write, because the Easter egg is one on which are written symbols. Perhaps the most beautiful of all are the diagramed eggs of the Russians, works of true art and almost too beautiful to be broken and eaten in plebeian fashion.
The Easter eggs one sees today in many homes in the United States are not the colored eggs of an earlier day. The little pellets pasted on a card and dissolved in old cups are too pastel for some of us oldsters. We remember eggs that were far from pallid as these are, and that were, in fact, exactly like the vivid foreign eggs.
One of us remembers how her mother made her own dyes. She boiled the skins of yellow onions for hours and produced with the liquid glorious orange eggs. She made the red ones by boiling red yarn in water. The green came from little bottles of color bought at the drug store, but occasionally she made this too from young spinach, washed, squeezed, and boiled. Often these colors were dappled on the hot egg with a new lampwick. And then, while they were still hot, all the eggs were rubbed with a cloth dipped in butter. These bright shells were, as Browning says somewhere, "reds and greens indeed." The pastel product of today is too pale and insipid for those who remember the vivid bowls of eggs in the center of the dining room table.
These early American eggs and the fine ones in Slavic countries are the only Easter eggs worthy of consideration-- the marvelously designed and intricately drawn Russian one and the old-fashioned and deeply colored American egg. But never the heresy of one with a bunny stamped on it; never the pallid copy made with pellet dyes; and never the ones whose insides have been blown out through a pin hole with the shell only surviving as a symbol. Symbol indeed! The symbol is a bright egg which is to be eaten and enjoyed, a well-cooked egg which is also a delight to the palate.
April 23: Feast of Saint George
Among saints honored in the month of April there is Saint George, of whom little is known, for all his popularity, except that he was born in Cappadocia, that he was a soldier and suffered martyrdom. The crusaders brought his fame to the West, where he is the patron of England, Aragon, Portugal, and certain sections of Germany. Before the Conquest many English churches had been named for him and the story of his brave deeds was sung everywhere.
His best-known deed is legendary, but it was of course his slaying of the dragon, a feat he carried out in order to save a maiden who had been vowed to a monster. Saint George transfixed the dragon with a spear and then told the maiden to lead the monster about the city, after which he put an end to him. He was well known by that time as a man of God and a confessor of His works, and on that day, after witnessing the miraculous slaying of the dragon, twenty thousand people were converted to Christ.
The king begged this wonderful dragon slayer to stay, "If you will remain with us you shall have the half of my kingdom." But Saint George refused the fine offer. "I must ride on," he said, "to take care of God's churches and honor the clergy and have pity on the poor."
Saint George is especially honored in England as its great patron, and flags are still floated there on his feast; in other times the celebration was more elaborate and processions, jousts and races were held. The dishes served on this day should be without doubt favorites of that country such as roast beef and its famous accompaniment, Yorkshire pudding.
Roast Beef
Have the roast at room temperature about an hour before cooking. Season with salt and pepper and dredge with flour. Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F. and place the roast, fat side up, in a roasting pan. Should the roast be very lean, cover with a thin strip of suet or salt pork. Roast at this temperature allowing about eighteen minutes to the pound for rare, twenty-two minutes for medium, and thirty minutes for a well-done roast. If the roast has been boned and rolled, allow an additional five minutes per pound in the cooking time. Formerly the Yorkshire pudding was cooked in the same pan with the roast. But it is best to cook it in a separate pan since we now roast beef at a much slower temperature than formerly.
Yorkshire Pudding
1 cup flour 1 cup milk 2 eggs 1/2 teaspoon salt
Make a smooth batter of the flour, eggs, milk, and salt. Twenty minutes before the roast is done, remove from the pan and pour off half the grease for gravy. Pour the batter into the pan, place a wire rack over it, set the roast on the rack, and return it to the oven until the Yorkshire Pudding is well crisped around the edges. Cut into squares. Arrange the roast on a platter. Serve with gravy. There is an old rule that Worcestershire sauce should be added, 1 drop for chicken and veal, 3 for beef and lamb, 5 for pork.
In Allier, a wine-growing "departement" of France, where the vineyards are objects of great solicitude, a curious custom is observed on Saint George's Day. If frost has not touched before that date the precious vines, a clean, soft little towel is offered to the statue of the saint and his feet are washed in wine amid cries of "Vive Monsieur Saint Georges." If harm has befallen the vineyards, however, Saint George is not so popular, and though his feet are still washed, a rough, coarse cloth is used.
April 25: Feast of Saint Mark
One other well-known saint of this month is Mark, a favorite disciple and companion of Saint Paul. He founded the first church in Alexandria and was slain by pagans of that city. For years his tomb was a shrine for the faithful but, according to tradition, in 815 a Venetian trader buying wares in Alexandria obtained the body of Saint Mark and brought it to Venice. And there it is today in the great cathedral in the city of which he is patron.
On this day in Hungary people go in procession to have the fields of wheat blessed. And on the return home each carries a sprout of wheat, which has been blessed so that "fog shall not strangle, hail shall not destroy, storm shall not trample, fire shall not consume the only hope of the people."
Since Saint Mark is so particularly honored in Venice, where the specialties are such seafood as sea trout, eels, sole, shrimp and sturgeon, we suggest an excellent Venetian fish sauce for this day.
Venetian Sauce
1 tablespoon flour 1/2 cup fish stock 1/2 cup butter 1 tablespoon chopped 1/2 cup meat stock parsley pinch of white pepper
Blend the flour in half the melted butter in a saucepan; add the meat and fish stocks, mixing well and cooking for about five minutes. Add pepper and the rest of the butter, beating constantly. When all is well mingled, add the parsley and serve with boiled fish.
April 30: Saint Walburga's Eve
The last day of April was first celebrated as a druidic feast of some importance in honor of spring's return, and bonfires were lighted to frighten away the spirits of darkness which might prevent the arrival of the joyous goddess of the springtide. For Christians it became the feast of Saint Walburga, the daughter of a Saxon king of the eighth century, who went to Germany at the call of her uncle, Saint Boniface, to aid in the work of evangelizing the Germanic tribes and remained to found and rule monasteries and convents. The Abbess of Heidenheim was given great veneration in the Low Countries and Germany during her lifetime and was honored after her death for her learning and the many miracles she wrought. But the observance of her feast, or rather its eve, "Walpurgisnacht," came to be held with many of the pagan traditions peculiar to the day, so that it grew to resemble the celebration of Halloween. At its best, it is the night when protection is invoked against murrains of fields and crops and the spirits of evil; at its worst, it is a night when witches ride and dark deeds are done.
The original pagan feast, celebrated as the Eve of Beltane in the British Isles, was accompanied by lighting of new fires and feasting on certain foods retained by later customs in Scotland, Wales, and Ireland. We are told that Beltane Cakes, large and scalloped, were set against hot stones to bake while a caudle (custard) was eaten, and beer and whiskey consumed. Many customs were connected with these cakes, among them that the person drawing a piece blackened by the fire became the "carline" who must be sacrificed to the fire. Later in Wales when cakes were cooked on ordinary stoves, light and dark oatmeal cakes were made, and the one who drew the dark cake was required to jump three times through the flames of the lighted bonfire.
We have been unable to trace any authentic recipes for Beltane Cakes, and everyone knows how to make a custard or caudle. However, on this eve one might well anticipate the day to come by brewing the first "Maibowle."
Maibowle
Take 1 quart of strawberries, washed and hulled, sprinkle them with several tablespoons of powdered sugar, and steep them in 1 quart of good white wine. After three or four hours, place the berries and their liquor in a large punch bowl, place a large piece of ice in the center, and pour in 3 more bottles of white wine and 1 bottle of champagne. (The champagne can be replaced by soda water.) There are many classic and traditional "bowlen" in Germany, and peaches, pineapple, or "waldmeister" (woodruff) may be used instead of strawberries. Serve with a bit of the fruit in each punch glass.
MAY
May 1: May Day
The first day of May has been for centuries a beloved holiday in England where "bringing in the May" has been sung by poets great and small. In France May is called "le mois de Marie," in honor of Our Lady; it is the month of First Communions, of solemn little boys in Sunday suits and little girls in white dresses and veils, all walking in procession to the churches. Yet, for all the devotions to Mary with which this month is filled not only in France but in many other countries, it remains for many the first day of the month when spring has come to stay.
Originally May 1st was a Roman festival dedicated to Flora, the spring goddess who in Greece was known as Maia. Ever since the Romans brought their "Floralia" to the isles of Britain, England's celebrations of May Day have been the most elaborate. After Britain became a Christian land and Whitsuntide had replaced the celebration to Flora, it was easy to continue the pleasant old customs of Maypoles and May dances on the green, of May Queens and processions, all so joyous that it made Spenser sing:
To see these folks mak such a joyissance Made my heart after the pipes to dance.
Despite the fact that much feasting and many joyful customs were exiled from Merrie England by the followers of Calvin and Cromwell, they could not take away this celebration from the British, nor could the solemn men who came to America to found New England. Right before the eyes of Governor Bradford who called it "an idoll Maypole," one such pole was set up in 1628 in Plymouth Colony, and the young people celebrated in a way described by a chronicler as the dancing of "good May songs, dancing hand in hand around the Maypole and performing exercises in a solemn manner, with revels and merriment after the old English custom." The proceedings were altered a bit to fit Puritan decorum, but the important thing was that May Day was being celebrated still, and in the New World. Those who have been born in Arcady must return there for at least one day of the year to keep the spirit and the heart alive.
And ever since the "Floralia" when Romans gathered spring blossoms to offer to their goddess, flowers have figured preponderantly in the May Day celebration. In France "muguets," lilies of the valley, are worn and sent to friends to wish them luck--the saying goes that a wish made while wearing these fragrant blossoms will come true. And these flowers, carefully pressed and dried, are sent to make known good wishes to faraway friends and loved ones.
In the America of some forty years ago we remember that on May Day children made little baskets, often woven with strips of paper or raffia, filled them with flowers from the woods--trillium and bloodroot, violets purple and white, adder's-tongues, anemones. Only to repeat the names of these blossoms brings back the memory of days when we filled May baskets, hung them on the doorknobs at the homes of our friends, and then ran home to find others on our own door.
Round about Paris on May Day morning one still drinks May milk, which is thought to be better than in other months. Russians decorate birch trees with streamers and flowers, and sometimes eggs and meat pies are set beneath the trees. In the celebrations of the South Germans there are customs involving the planting of trees and Maypoles, and in some sections eggs, sausages, and cakes are hidden in the branches. A traditional luncheon or breakfast dish is "Bauernfruhstuck."
Bauernfruhstuck (Peasant Breakfast)
3 strips bacon 1 egg 1 boiled potato salt and pepper chives
Cut the bacon in small pieces and fry over a low flame until completely done. Cube the potato and brown with the bacon. Finally, break an egg over the whole (do not beat previously) and stir it slowly into the bacon and potato until set. Season and sprinkle with finely cut chives. This is for one portion and can be multiplied at will.
We find certain traditional May dishes in our own United States. In Maryland it is customary to serve hot rolls for breakfast on May 1st. In New England "Baptist Cakes" are eaten. These are made of bread pulled from the loaf dough and patted into balls, fried in a pan, and served with maple syrup.
Ascension Thursday
This day falls on the fortieth day after Easter when Christ disappeared from view of His followers--"and a cloud received Him out of their sight." In addition to its religious observance there are many customs and even superstitions connected with this feast, to insure good crops and good luck.
In Rome a fine custom was observed not so long ago on the feast of the Ascension: the milkman brought a gift of milk and rennet to his customers, and from this was made "Giuncata." The recipe sounds exactly like the junket we make from little tablets and which, when properly cooled, is a favorite dessert for children. The Roman recipe however contains an addition that takes this out of the children's class and makes it more interesting for grownups. The Romans add to it sugar and rum or brandy. Whether anyone on this side of the Atlantic has thought of doing this or dismissed junket as an insipid dish we do not know.
In parts of France on Ascension Day, children go around begging for flour to make "Beignets."
Beignets de Pommes (Apple Fritters)
2 eggs 2 cups flour 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 cup milk 1 tablespoon brandy 4 apples
Work the egg yolks together with the salt and brandy into your flour until all is thoroughly mixed. Add the milk and stir until smooth. Beat the egg whites until stiff and fold into the batter. Peel and core the apples and cut into thin rounds. Dip apple in batter and fry from four to five minutes in deep fat at 375 degrees F. Dust with sugar or serve with a soft custard, or vanilla sauce. Apricots, bananas, peaches, pineapples, or plums may be substituted for the apples.
May 19: Feast of Saint Ives
Sancto Yvo etat Brito, Advocatus et non latro Res miranda populo.
So runs the popular verse in Brittany, where in the thirteenth century Saint Ives followed the profession of lawyer and judge with distinction, as the verse says of him:
Lo! a marvel past belief A barrister who's not a thief!
Although possessed of wealth, he lived as a Franciscan tertiary, dressed in coarse clothing, and cared for the poor and unfortunate, keeping, it is said, up to seven orphans in his family manor of Kermartin. His benefactions to the poor continued after his death, and it is not surprising that his feast is observed in Brittany by one of the many Pardons or local religious pilgrimages of this Celtic part of France called the Pardon of the Poor at Minihy.
After his death, Saint Ives' manor was left to the poor, and here they continued to come especially on the eve and day of his feast. We read that on one occasion in the nineteenth century so many beggars presented themselves that no one knew how they would be fed. But no matter how much was dipped out of the kettles on the hearth, they were always found filled to the brim with good, nourishing soup.
No record is made of just what went into these kettles, but in honor of Saint Ives, the saint of the poor and the patron of (reformed?) lawyers, we suggest "Potage Paysanne."
Potage Paysanne (Peasant Soup)
2 carrots 1/4 head cabbage 2 potatoes 6 cups stock 2 leeks stale bread 1 turnip salt and pepper
Dice the carrots, potatoes, leeks, and turnip and cut the cabbage into slivers; cook in 2 cups of the stock until the vegetables are done. Add the remaining stock and boil for ten minutes. Take rounds of stale French bread and brown them a bit in the oven, place in a tureen and pour the soup over them.
Pentecost or Whitsunday
In the Jewish calendar Pentecost, meaning "fiftieth day," marks the Feast of Weeks or "the fiftieth day from the next day after the Passover." In the same way the Christian festival celebrates the fiftieth day after Easter, for we remember that the Resurrection was closely connected with the feast of the Passover.
For the Christian world this is a major feast and one of rejoicing, for the descent of the Paraclete in tongues of fire strengthened the faith and courage of the Apostles and insured the future of Christianity. As a Christian feast it dates back to the first century, and in early times catechumens in their white robes were baptized on this day; hence our English name of Whitsunday. In Italy, however, it is also known as "Pascha rossa" because the vestments worn at Mass on this Sunday are red. In other parts of the same country, especially Sicily, Pentecost has still another name, "Pascha rosarum," because rose leaves are scattered from the ceilings of the churches to commemorate the miracle of the tongues.
All through Western Europe this feast was greatly celebrated in medieval times. In France a sequence to the Mass of the day was written by King Robert. Trumpets were blown during the religious ceremonies to symbolize the roaring of the winds as the Holy Spirit descended upon the Apostles. Law courts were forbidden to sit for an entire week and little servile work was done.
In England during the reign of King Arthur there were magnificent tournaments at Whitsuntide. Miracle or mystery plays were given, and we learn that Roswitha, the celebrated nun-poetess of the tenth century, wrote one of these, performed at Chester.
Many other customs grew up in England around this feast. English farmers gave milk on this day to all who asked for it. "Smoke money" was paid to the church, based on the number of chimneys on the house owned. There were morris dances in every parish, and the old looked on while the young danced; everyone ate the food he had brought and purchased "Whitsun ale." Shakespeare had doubtless this in mind when he wrote:
It hath been sung at festivals, On ember eves and holy ales.
The Whitsun Ales, so called by the people, had their origin in the agapae or love feasts of the early Christians, and the drink was made by the churchwardens who bought the malt and brewed it in advance. The profits of these Ales were given to the poor, according to a Christian rule that all profits would be spent in alms.
In addition to ale, custards, cheese cakes, and huge roasts were typical of this feast in England, and another favored dish was Gooseberry Pudding.
Gooseberry Pudding
3 cups gooseberries 4 tablespoons sugar 1 cup bread crumbs 3 eggs 3 tablespoons butter short pastry
Top, tail, and wash the gooseberries. Cook them in a light sugar syrup until done and then press them through a sieve. Add the bread crumbs, butter, sugar and beaten eggs. Line the edges of a dish with a good short pastry, pour in the mixture, and bake at 375 degrees F. for about forty minutes.
Whitsuntide is also observed in various sections of the United States, and in New York St. George's Church holds a fair annually on this day. |
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Date: April 10th, 2006 5:38 AM Author:
June 8: Feast of Saint Medard
Should Saint Medard's day be wet It will rain for forty yet; At least until Saint Barnabas The summer sun won't favor us,
is a saying in France, and particularly in Picardy where Saint Medard was born in Merovingian times. He was bishop of Noyon and a great missionary who worked for the conversion of the Franks. When Queen Radegunde left her murderer- husband, King Clotaire, she fled to Medard for refuge and was clothed by him in the religious habit.
The stories of how he became a "weather saint" are many and varied. One day, says the legend, Saint Medard gave away one of his father's finest colts to a poor peasant who had lost his horse. Immediately after this took place there was a torrential rain, and everyone was soaked to the skin except the generous youth. "It is Saint Medard watering his colts," say the French farmers when the June rains come and help up their work. Later, when he was a bishop, Saint Medard was known for his kindness to the farming people and especially to the poor among them.
He set aside the income from twelve acres of his own land to be given to the most virtuous girl of his diocese, and it was he who started the "feast of the rose queen." For many centuries in French churches a crown of roses was placed upon the head of the girl who had most edified the parish. The custom of crowning the rose queen still exists in some of the working districts in the suburbs of Paris, but the feast has become a secular one and takes place in the local "salle des fetes" with the mayor and civil officials in attendance.
Rose Potpourri
1/2 oz. violet powder 1/2 teaspoon cloves 1 oz. orrisroot 4 drops oil of roses 1/2 oz. rose powder 10 drops chiris 1/2 oz. heliotrope powder 20 drops oil melisane 1/2 teaspoon mace 20 drops oil eucalyptus 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon 10 drops bergamot 2 drams alcohol
Gather rose petals when the roses are in their richest bloom, but not when the dew is on them, and pack in a jar in layers two inches deep, sprinkling about two tablespoons of fine, dry salt upon each layer. Continue this until the jar is full, adding fresh petals and salt daily. Keep in a dark, dry, cool place. A week after the last relay is gathered turn out the salted petals upon a broad platter, mix and toss together until the mass is loosened. Then incorporate thoroughly with the ingredients given above; pack in a clean jar, cover lightly, and set away to "ripen." It will be ready for rose jars, etc., in a fortnight, and, if kept covered, will be good and fragrant for twenty years.
June 9: Feast of Saint Columba
A long-ago saint whose feast comes in June is Saint Columba, a missionary from Ireland to the Picts, a name given to the Scots in the sixth century. He was in his forty-fourth year when with twelve companians he crossed the sea in a "curragh," a boat of wickerwork covered with hides, and landed at Iona on the eve of Pentecost in the year 563. He spent most of the remaining years of his life among the inhabitants of the glens and straths of northern Scotland. The stories of him that have come down to us show him a kind and gentle man who founded many monasteries and churches and got along well with the Scottish shepherds and sheep raisers. When he died it was at the foot of the altar before which he had spent much of his life.
On his day, even at the present time in various parts of Scotland, an oaten cake is baked in his honor, and in the dough is placed a silver coin. To the child who receives the coin in his share of the cake goes the honor of being put in charge of the new lambs for the next twelve months, an office very popular with small shepherds.
The cake to which we refer is known as a Bannock from the Gaelic "bannach," meaning a cake; that is, a large round scone or oatcake. It is a thing of substance and may be made of oatmeal, wheat, or barley flour. We give here a popular variety.
Bannock
2 oz. almonds 4 tablespoons sugar 1 lb. flour 2 oz. candied orange peel 1/2 lb. butter
Blanch and shred the almonds and mix them with the flour, sugar, and orange peel on a pastry board. Make a well in the center into which put the butter and knead until it is well blended. Roll out and form into round cakes, pinching the edges, and prick the centers with a fork. Bake on a greased baking sheet in a 375 degrees F. oven for one hour.
June 13: Feast of Saint Anthony
Few are the saints more beloved and invoked than Saint Anthony of Padua. A Franciscan of the twelfth century, many of his achievements have been forgotten because of his reputation as a saint who has the special ability to help find things which have been lost. Despite the humility that made him sweep each day the floor of the monastery and slow to speak for himself, he was an eloquent and stern preacher against error, so much so that he was known as the "hammer of heretics." He could speak many languages, and evidently all his sermons were not of the fiery kind, for we are told that even the fishes listened to him with delight.
In statues we see him holding the Infant Jesus, because of a vision he had of the Child, his devotion to whom no doubt had much to do with making him the helpful, kindly saint he is to the world today. Lighted tapers are always to be found burning before his statue and altar in churches. In fact, so much is he appealed to, that it is sometimes hard to find a candle unlighted--so many, many things go astray in this world.
Saint of the lost, who may not stay nor stand While one child wanders from his mother's hand,
wrote one modern poet of him. He is reputed able to find anything, from money and papers and jewelry to lost children, from lost gloves to lost love.
There are some who feel that he does too much, especially when he retrieves the belongings of careless people whose possessions should perhaps justly stay lost because they take no care of them, but evidently this is not Saint Anthony's code.
Dear Saint Anthony, please come round-- Something is lost and must be found,
runs another rhyme.
For his feast day we suggest a dish with a name we are sure would delight his heart, for no doubt a saint who finds lost things for people must be one saint who hates waste of any kind. We refer to "Pain Perdu," which is made of stale rolls.
Pain Perdu (Lost Bread)
6 rolls 2 tablespoons sugar 2 cups milk 2 egg yolks butter
Take rolls that are stale and grate off all of the crust, setting aside the crumbs. Divide the rolls in two and soak them in the milk which has been mixed with the sugar. After about fifteen minutes, take them out and squeeze them gently. Dip them in the beaten egg yolks and then in the crumbs grated from the crusts. Fry them a light brown in butter and serve with sugar and cinnamon, currant jelly, or a vanilla sauce.
June 24: Feast of Saint John the Baptist
The great feast of this month, one common to many lands and celebrated since very early times, is the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist, also known as Midsummer. In many places bonfires are lighted in Saint John's honor, just as long before the Christian era fires were lighted on this day to celebrate the summer solstice. Especially in Ireland and in England these bonfires had their origin in the Druidic fires lighted in honor of the god of the sacred wood. But today they are everywhere known as the Fires of Saint John, although a few pagan customs remain in connection with the celebration. When the lassies of Ireland and Poland drop melted lead into cold water to foretell their future, they are following a custom that stems from the Druidic methods of soothsaying.
In Finland the cities are all but empty on Saint John's Eve for everyone is out in the country celebrating the Midsummer or Saint John's festival. Of course in many places no pagan or even secular meaning is attached to the feast. In France the bonfires are built as close as possible to one of Saint John's own chapels. It is considered important that a lad named Jean or a girl named Jeanne provide a wreath to throw onto the fire. When vesper services are over, the priest kindles the blaze, and the evening is given over to dancing and singing which last till far into the night.
In Germany the more daring of the young men leap through the "Johannesfeuer," and sometimes in Hungary betrothed couples leap through the flames together; if they succeed without being parted they know they will always remain together, and to make their success sure, the rest of the company dances about the two and sings:
May God send a shower To wash these two together Like two golden twigs.
In Mexico Saint John's feast is his and his alone, and the summer solstice has no slightest share in it. He is the Mexicans' dearly beloved saint, especially the saint of waters; and on his day wells and fountains are bright with ribbons and flowers. At midnight on the eve, everyone bathes: in the country in lake or pool or river; in large cities the festivities center around the fashionable bathhouses where swimming contests and exhibitions of diving skill take place.
Saint John's Day in Mexico is definitely also a day of feasting. Everyone brings food to the bathing places--cakes and sweets, but also chicken tamales and stuffed peppers, pork "tacos" and "empanadas."
Tortillas de Harina (Flour Tortillas)
2 cups flour 1 tablespoon lard 1 teaspoon salt cold water
Sift flour and salt together and cut in the lard and sufficient cold water to make a stiff dough. Knead on a floured board, divide into small balls and roll out to 1/8- inch thickness. Cook on a lightly greased griddle.
Tacos
1/2 lb. lean pork 1 tablespoon raisins 4 tablespoons lard 3 tablespoons sherry 2 onions 1 hard-boiled egg 1 green pepper tortillas 6 tomatoes grated cheese
Grind the pork and fry it in 2 tablespoons of the lard. Grind 1 onion, the pepper, and 1 tomato and add to the meat. Simmer for a few minutes and then add the raisins, the sherry, and the mashed boiled egg. Cook the second onion with the remaining tomatoes in 2 tablespoons of lard and add enough water to make a good sauce. Simmer for about ten minutes. Moisten each tortilla in the sauce, place a tablespoon of the meat mixture on each, and roll it up. Place tortillas in a greased baking dish, cover with the sauce, sprinkle with grated cheese, and bake in a 375 degrees F. oven until the cheese is melted.
Empanadas de Orno (Meat Pies)
3 onions 1/2 can cream corn 1 green pepper 1/2 cup ripe olives butter 1/2 cup raisins 1 lb. ground beef salt and pepper 1/2 can niblet corn pie dough 2 hard-boiled eggs
Chop onions and pepper and fry in a little butter until they begin to brown. Then add the meat and fry for about ten minutes. Add the corn, the pitted ripe olives, and raisins, with salt and pepper to taste. Roll out your favorite pie dough and cut into rounds. Place a tablespoon of the mixture on each, lay a slice of hard-boiled egg on top; fold pastry over and pinch the edges. Sprinkle brown sugar on top and bake in a 400 degrees F. oven until done.
In Spain many are content to walk through the dew on Saint John's Eve, but others bathe in the sea; there are the usual bonfires and fortune-telling, and heart-shaped cakes are purchased by every swain for his senorita.
In Latvia carolers, singing the praises of the saint, go door to door on Saint John's Eve, quite as they do Christmas Eve. To have the singers come in and give the household a special concert is considered a high honor, and the singers are openly lured to enter. As the group approaches a house, the enterprising housewife stands holding out to them bread and cheese, and behind her, her husband offers mugs full of a sweet light beer, made especially for the occasion.
In England a similar custom prevailed for many years: on Saint John's Eve householders in towns and villages called to passers-by to stop for a bite and a sip. In some places the bread and cheese and beer were placed on little tables outside the front door. We highly approve this idea of having people stop for a little hospitality, whether they are strangers in town or old friends, and we think old English custom sounds wonderfully inviting in lieu of cocktail parties in tight airless rooms.
Some food connected with Saint John has always had a doubtful sound to many of us. We read that John himself when in the desert fed on locusts and wild honey. The latter seems fine, the other not so good. But etymologists tell us these locusts were not bugs but beans; in fact in the Southwest of the United States there is a bean called "algarroba," in common parlance locust beans. With much relief, remembering an early Sunday school vision of Saint John crunching grasshoppers which even wild honey could not have rendered palatable, we accept this pleasanter version.
June 29: Feast of Saint Peter
The last day but one of this month celebrates the feast of Saint Peter. Mrs. Jameson in her monumental work, "Sacred and Legendary Art," says that "all saints are, in one sense, patron saints; either as protectors of some particular nation, province or city, or of some particular avocation, trade, or condition of life; but there is a wide distinction to be drawn between the merely national and local saints, and those universally accepted and revered." Surely Saint Peter belongs in the latter category.
Peter is usually depicted as a robust man, of undaunted countenance: he is given the broad rustic features befitting a pilot of the Galilean Sea and is shown with a short, curled beard and a bald head.
One of the badges of Saint Peter is the cock, an allusion to the crowing of that bird which caused the saint to go out and weep bitterly for his denial of Christ; but when he is distinguished by a fish, the symbol is of double significance Peter's avocation as a fisherman and his mission as a fisher of men.
In many sea-coast towns of England he is regarded as chief protector and his day made one of high festival. Boats are decked in ribbons and flowers and often repainted in honor of the occasion. Races and feats of seamanship take place before an admiring crowd on shore, and everyone gathers together for a feast of which the chief dish is always fish.
Fillet of Flounder in Tomato Sauce
4 flounder fillets butter 1 onion 6 tomatoes 1 green pepper 2 tablespoons flour 3 tablespoons cream
Mince the onion and green pepper and cook in a little butter till soft. Cut up the tomatoes and add to the onion and pepper. Simmer for about ten minutes. Stir the flour to a paste with the cream, add to the sauce, and cook a bit longer. If too dry, a little more tomato juice may be added. Bring to a boil, put in your fillets and cook for about ten minutes.
JULY
July 4: Independence Day
THIS MONTH holds for Americans the celebration of our glorious Fourth, Independence Day, a great national holiday not connected with the feast of a saint (as is Saint Andrew's Day in Scotland and Saint George's in England), or with a festival of the Church. And yet can it be said that the anniversary of the birth of a nation is ever an entirely secular affair? In this case we do not believe it is so. In man's aspirations for freedom, there is always a spiritual element, and this was especially true in the thinking of the American signers of the Declaration of Independence at Philadelphia on July 4, 1776. On Thanksgiving Day we give thanks to God that He has provided our citizens with food for the body; at this other particularly American celebration we give thanks that He has allowed our spirit to live.
For years the Fourth of July has been marked in every city and town of the United States by patriotic gatherings, parades, and speechmaking in the principal square; the national anthem and other songs are sung (which sound especially well when shrilled by young and untrained voices); and martial airs are played by the local band. But the firecrackers of our childhood are no more, a pity and a blessing too. The slogan of a safe and sane Fourth is now becoming a fixed rule everywhere, and in these days the fireworks are set off at night by competent and careful manipulators.
Last Independence Day we attended such a display--one of many thousands throughout the country--and sat on a hilltop watching the fireworks. Around us children chattered and lighted sparklers; when some particularly dazzling skyrocket burst red and blue and white against the night sky, there was clapping from the crowd. Last of all appeared the usual "set piece"--the American flag with Roman candles clustered about it.
All stood up as a voice in the crowd began "The Star Spangled Banner"; the singing grew louder and louder as more people joined in. The peaceful evening and the rockets' harmless glare, the voices of free people singing a free song, the knowledge that that freedom had been defended in the past and might have to be defended again on nights far from peaceful and with weapons far from harmless--all produced an emotion that could perhaps be called sentimental. But devotion to the truth that made us free, and alone will keep us free, was still there, right in the midst of the sentiment.
Independence Day food is often of the picnic variety, as is right for a holiday usually spent in the open. But there are traditional dishes originating in George Washington's Virginia. One such is a breakfast specialty, Rice Waffles.
Rice Waffles
2 egg yolks 1 cup hot boiled rice 1 cup milk 4 tablespoons melted butter 1 cup flour 2 egg whites
Mix the egg yolks with the milk; add the flour, rice, and melted butter. Finally fold in the stiffly beaten egg whites. Bake as usual and serve with the following sauce:
Sauce for Rice Waffles
1/2 lb. strained honey 2 teaspoons cinnamon 1/2 cup maple syrup caraway seeds
Beat together thoroughly 1/2 pound of strained honey 1/2 cup of maple syrup and heat slowly in a double boiler. Add 2 teaspoons of cinnamon and a few grains of caraway seeds. Serve hot.
Another dish of the day is poached salmon with egg and caper sauce, served with green peas and mashed potatoes. Not only is this the traditional time for serving the first salmon of the season, but we learn that this menu of soft foods was prepared for the Father of our country because of the discomfort caused him by his ill-fitting set of false teeth!
Poached Salmon
1 cup white wine 4 sprigs parsley 2 qts. water 2 shallots 2 tablespoons vinegar 6 peppercorns 2 chopped onions 1 clove garlic 2 carrots 2 whole cloves 1 stalk celery salt salmon
Bring the wine and water to a boil. (It is classic to use half wine and half water but this may prove too expensive for most pockets.) Add the vinegar, the vegetables, and spices and simmer gently for about half an hour before adding the fish. Unless you have a fish boiler it is advisable to wrap your salmon in a piece of cheesecloth to facilitate handling. Simmer, never boil, the fish, allowing twelve minutes to the pound. Remove skin and serve on a warm platter.
Egg and Caper Sauce
4 tablespoons butter 2 tablespoons capers 4 tablespoons flour 2 tablespoons chopped 2 cups hot milk parsley 1/2 cup heavy cream few drops lemon juice 2 hard-boiled eggs pinch of salt pinch of paprika
Melt the butter and gradually stir in the flour and cook for several minutes. Then add the hot milk and stir constantly until the sauce is thick. Add the cream, the chopped hard boiled eggs, capers (carefully drained), parsley, lemon juice and finally the salt and paprika. Stir until smooth and serve hot.
And of course the day's dessert everywhere has long been a triangle or a circle of watermelon. Never, never, we hope, will it become the small new variety just developed, we hear with a sense of shock, with no seeds at all. The color combination surely should all be kept in the true watermelon--the black seeds, with the red, the white, and the green.
Further, we hear, the experts are working not only to produce a seedless watermelon, but one with a very thin green rind. When that happens, what will happen to one of the nation's delicacies, the watermelon pickle? Before that dread day, we hasten to offer here a recipe for this truly American relish:
Watermelon Pickle
rind of 1 large 8 cups sugar watermelon 4 cups cider vinegar salted water 4 teaspoons whole cloves 4 cups water 4 teaspoons whole allspice 8 sticks cinnamon
Peel and remove all the green and pink portions from the rind of 1 large watermelon. Cut into squares, oblongs, or any desired shape and soak in salt water to cover, allowing 1 tablespoon of salt to 1 cup of water. Soak for about twelve hours or overnight. Drain, cover with fresh water, and cook gently until almost tender. Make a syrup of the water, sugar, vinegar, and spices (tied in a cheesecloth bag) and boil for about twenty minutes. Remove the spice bag, add the drained watermelon, and cook until clear and transparent. Pack at once in sterilized jars and seal.
Another dessert in favor on the Fourth of July from the very beginning of these United States is the Independence Day Cake. This very properly had its origin in Philadelphia, and every heirloom cookery book has its recipe. Tall and frosted in white, it is surrounded with a wreath of gilded leaves, made in early days of the boxwood so popular in colonial hedges. It is a cake of victory, of snowy purity, its wreath
reflecting the gold of the seal of the Declaration, well suited to a day which made this a free land for free men.
Independence Day Cake
1 yeast cake 1-1/2 cups sugar 1/4 cup lukewarm water 3 eggs 4-1/2 cups sifted flour 1 jigger sherry 1-1/2 teaspoons cinnamon 1 jigger brandy 1-1/2 teaspoons cloves 3 oz. citron 1 teaspoon nutmeg 1 cup currants 1 cup butter 1 cup seedless raisins
Crumble the yeast cake in the lukewarm water and stir until dissolved. Sift the flour with the spices. Cream the butter and then add the sugar, beating until smooth. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating until light after each addition. Add the sherry and brandy and mix thoroughly. Then add the citron, currants, and raisins. Add half the flour and stir until smooth; then add the yeast, stir again, add the remaining flour, and stir again until mixed. Turn into a greased, floured tube pan and let stand in a warm place until it rises--for about two hours. Bake at 350 degrees F. for one and a half hours.
July 15: Saint Swithin's Day
We are entering now the period known as "dog days" and which in many places marks the beginning of the rainy season. We would therefore like to speak first of St. Swithin's as one of the "weather saints," for as the saying goes,
Saint Swithin's Day, if thou dost rain, For forty days it will remain; Saint Swithin's Day, if thou be fair, For forty days 'twill rain nae mair.
Saint Swithin's connection with the weather, and particularly with the rain, doubtless comes from the legend that in his humility he asked to be buried outside his cathedral, where passers-by would step over his grave and raindrops from the eaves would fall upon it. He lived in the ninth century and was for a time one of the counselors of Egbert, a Saxon king. Later be became Bishop of Winchester, where great devotion to him long prevailed. Little else is known of him save that his feast is celebrated on the date when his relics were removed from the humble grave he had desired and placed, nearly a century after his death, in a new shrine built for him, where many miraculous cures took place.
And while we are on the subject of "weather saints," it might be pointed out that similar prophecies on certain days are made in various European countries although there is a difference of opinion as to the particular date in question. In France, for example, the feast of Saint Medard on June 8th, and the day of Saints Gervasius and Protasius, which falls on June 19th, have a similar character ascribed to them, as demonstrated by the verse:
S'il pleut le jour de Saint Medard, Il pleut quarante jours plus tard; S'il pleut le jour de Saint Gervais et de Saint Protais, Il pleut quarante jours apres.
We have already spoken of Saint Medard on his feast day. We know little about Gervasius and Protasius other than that they were revered as the first martyrs of Milan, that they were the sons of another martyr, named Vitalis, and that they were put to death in Nero's time. Though they died in the first century, it is said that Saint Ambrose discovered their relics while digging the excavations for his cathedral in 386 A.D. and had them interred there.
Belgium has its rainy saint, namely Saint Godelieve, of whom little is known other than that she was a holy woman in Flanders who was cruelly treated, and finally murdered, by her inhuman husband. Ever since her death in the eleventh century she has been venerated as a martyr in Belgium, and particularly in Ghent.
The Germans ascribe a similar character to the day of the Seven Sleepers of Ephesus, July 19th. The story of the persecution of these saints under Decius in 250 A.D. is too well known to be repeated here. In fact, they were so notable that the Greek and all other Eastern Churches list them in their catalogues of saints and even Mohammed introduced into his Koran a myth borrowed from them.
To return to Saint Swithin, besides the rain, his specialty is apples.
He blesses Bramley Seedlings For dumplings or pie; Blenheims will keep till Christmas If lofted cool and dry; And scarlet crabs for jelly And Coxes ripe from Rent Shall round an English belly To apple-fat content,
says Elizabeth Sewell in a delightful poem published in "Duckett's Register." And she ends:
High in the Heavenly Places I see Saint Swithin stand. His garments smell of apples And rain-wet English land.
So in honor of Saint Swithin we may make
Apple Dowdy
Peel and quarter firm, tart apples and place them in a baking dish. Sprinkle light brown sugar over them, the amount depending upon the sweetness of the apples. Dust with a very little cinnamon, and grate nutmeg over the top. Dot generously with butter and pour over 1/2 cup of warm water. Cover the top with a rich biscuit dough, rolled about 3/4 of an inch thick, slash a few holes to allow the steam to escape, and bake in a 300 degrees F. oven for three hours. Serve with thick, unwhipped cream.
July 16: Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel
Celebration of the feast of Our Lady of Carmel goes back to the fourteenth century. Originally a feast of the Carmelites, it took its name from that order's first monastery on Mount Carmel in Syria, and it became in the eighteenth century a feast of the universal Church.
Devotion to Our Lady of Carmel is great in various European countries, and this title of the Blessed Virgin has given rise in Spain to such baptismal names as Carmen and Carmela and in Italy to Carmine and Carmelo. The Italians especially are devoted to Our Lady of Carmine. She has long been the patroness of Naples.
Often in the cities of the United States where Italian immigrants have arrived in large numbers during the years, one can see today, carried on as in the homeland, celebrations of this beloved feast. In the Italian section of New York City windows and balconies are everywhere decorated with red and green and white bunting and streamers. The streets are a sea of booths, and outside altars are constructed, sometimes two and three stories high. Among the gay crowds in the streets, carts are being pushed along laden with "Torrone" (nougat) and frosted cakes and candies of such bright colors that to the unaccustomed eye they suggest indigestion if not death. But evidently Our Lady of Carmine takes good care of her clients: there is a saying that no one will ever be taken ill on her day or as a result of its celebration.
Since she is reputed to heal ailments of all kinds, we find booths displaying replicas of various portions of the human anatomy, and their sale is brisk. Among the surging crowds we see people holding high in the air a waxen arm or leg to keep it from being broken. They are on their way to church to beg for the relief of some ailment or to place their wax offering before a shrine in thanksgiving for a cure. And somewhere in the long procession which crowns the celebration is the Virgin's statue so covered with money-- some crackling new bills, others long saved and full of creases--that one can hardly see the image of the Lady in whose honor all this is done. The celebrations usually last for three or four days and, in New York before the last war, was regularly climaxed by a strange bit of pantomime. Stout wires were stretched from a fire escape on the fourth or fifth floor of one building to the fire escape of another across the street. At a given signal, shortly before midnight, a little girl gaudily attired in pink and furbished with a huge pair of waxen wings was propelled along the wire from each fire escape. As the two met in mid- air, they paused for a few minutes and then continued on their way to safety. The look of anxiety on the children's faces and that of admiration and ecstasy on the part of the onlookers was indeed something to behold. In addition to "Torrone," "Granita di Caffe" is a favorite sweet sold at tables and from carts along the streets.
Torrone (Nougat)
1 cup honey 1/2 lb. hazelnuts 2 egg whites 1 oz. candied orange 1 cup sugar peel 2 tablespoons water 1/2 teaspoon grated lemon 1 lb. almonds rind
Put the honey in the top of a double boiler over boiling water and stir for an hour--until the honey is carmelized. Beat the egg whites stiff and add slowly to the honey, mixing well. In a small saucepan boil the sugar and water until it also carmelizes, but do not stir. Slowly add the sugar to the honey and mix thoroughly. Cook for about five minutes more or until a little dropped into cold water hardens. Add nuts (the almonds having been blanched and the hazelnuts toasted in a hot oven for a few minutes), the candied peel, and the lemon rind. Mix quickly before the mixture hardens. Pour into well-oiled small loaf pans and after about twenty minutes cut into strips about two inches wide. Traditionally the top and bottom of the "Torrone" is covered with wafers which can be purchased at Italian confectionery stores. These wafers are called "Ostia."
Granita di Caffe (Coffee Ice)
3/4 cup sugar 1/2 cup lemon juice 2 cups warm water 2 cups strong coffee
Stir the sugar into the warm water until it is melted and add the lemon juice, stirring for about five minutes. Add the coffee, strain, place in a freezing tray, and freeze, stirring frequently, until it becomes a mush.
July 25: Feast of Saint James the Apostle
Tradition says that after the martyrdom of this son of Zebedee and Salome, the body of Saint James was placed in a rudderless boat with no steersman and allowed to float to sea. Under the guidance of angels it came to shore at Compostela in Spain. Later this town became the most famous place of pilgrimage in Christendom save for Jerusalem and Rome.
Saint James is the patron saint of Spain and of pilgrims in general. His symbol is the cockleshell, which has become the universal symbol of all pilgrims, and shellfish are especially connected with his feast. There is an old saying that he who eats oysters on Saint James' Day shall never lack for money. If a comfortable livelihood could really be so easily achieved, surely the lovers of the bivalve would be legion. But then the oyster beds would be emptied and the world would have to go to work again; so many circles that look pleasant in Utopia turn out to be vicious in our modern society.
In earlier days the street boys of London built grottoes of oyster and cockleshells on this day, and held out the largest one they could find to beg pence from passers-by. Since cockleshells are so particularly associated with this Apostle, we suggest as a most appropriate delicacy for this feast day Coquilles Saint-Jacques.
Coquilles Saint-Jacques (Scallops or Cockles in the Shell)
12 scallops 2 cups cream 4 oz. butter 4 egg yolks salt and pepper 3 sprigs chopped parsley 1/2 lb. mushrooms lemon juice 4 tablespoons sherry bread crumbs 2 tablespoons tomato puree
Cut each scallop in two. Put them in a pan with the butter, salt and pepper to taste, and cook for about ten minutes. In another pan saute the mushrooms in a little butter. When the mushrooms have cooked for about five minutes, add them with the sherry and the tomato puree to the scallops. Stir in the cream and the egg yolks but do not let the mixture boil. Add the chopped parsley and a little lemon juice. (If desired, add also a little finely chopped garlic.) Fill the mixture into scallop shells, cover with buttered bread crumbs, and run under the broiler for a very few minutes. (Note: Cockles and scallops are not of the same family. However, we suggest scallops here since they are much more easily procured. Incidentally, one of the French names for scallops is "pelerine," meaning pilgrim.)
Saint James' feast was long pleasantly celebrated in rural England by the blessing of the new apple crop. The rector of the town was expected--and of course this was in the rationless seventeenth and eighteenth centuries--to distribute from his rectory "pyes" of mutton or beef to those who came to ask for them. The recipes are still at hand, and here is one high in favor in happier days.
Steak and Kidney Pie
1-1/2 lbs. round steak 3 cups stock 3/4 lb. veal kidney 1 tablespoon Worcester- 3 tablespoons butter shire sauce 1-1/2 cups chopped onion salt and pepper piecrust
Cut the steak into 1-1/2-inch cubes and slice the kidneys. Melt the butter and brown the onion lightly. Add the steak and stir well until all sides are browned. Add the stock (or 3 cups boiling water with 3 bouillon cubes), cover, and allow to simmer for about one and a half hours. Then add the kidneys and cook an additional twenty minutes. Season with Worcestershire sauce, salt, and pepper. Place in a baking dish, cover with piecrust, making a slit for steam to escape, and bake at 450 degrees F. for about twenty to twenty-five minutes or until crust is done.
July 26: Feast of Saint Anne
This is the day set aside by the Western Church to celebrate the feast of one who is not mentioned in the Gospels but who is set down in tradition as well as in the hearts of thousands as Saint Anne, the mother of Mary.
She is especially beloved in France where, according to one ancient account, "la bonne Sainte Anne" was born. She is said to have gone from the land of Brittany to the land where she gave birth to Our Lady; and later, for love of her own country, she returned to Brittany to live, when her daughter was grown up and married to Joseph. All over France there are many churches in her honor and many harbor relics of Saint Anne.
The patroness of Brittany, a little saying sums up the feelings of every Breton about her: "C'est notre mere a tous." Religious processions and other celebrations take place on her feast and, since the gastronomic specialties of Brittany are all sorts of fish and crustaceans, they are always served on her day.
Langouste a la Creme (Lobster with Cream)
1 boiled lobster 1 cup cream 2 tablespoons butter 2 egg yolks 1 jigger sherry 1 tablespoon butter, 2 tablespoons cream melted sauce 3 tablespoons cream
Boil a medium-sized lobster and allow it to cool. When cold, split it in two and dice all of the meat. Heat 2 tablespoons of butter and saute the lobster meat in it for several minutes. Add the sherry, the cream sauce, and then the cup cream. Simmer gently for about ten minutes and then add the beaten egg yolks mixed with the remaining butter and cream. Mix all thoroughly and fill the lobster shells. Bake in a hot oven until lightly browned, or, while still hot, run under the broiler. (Note: Although the original recipe calls for crawfish, this is not easily nor always obtainable, and lobster may be substituted.)
France has carried its devotion to Saint Anne to the New World and in the little town of Beaupre in Canada she is held in especial reverence. Devotion to her goes back to the year 1650 when in the first house of the town was built a tiny altar in her honor. Eight years later a small chapel was erected to her, and it is told that she showed her appreciation by healing a crippled old man who had carried bricks for her building.
Today, on either side of the doors of the great Basilica of Saint Anne de Beaupre, piles of bandages and crutches are left by hundreds of her grateful clients. Pilgrims by thousands stream through the little town sometimes called "the Lourdes of Canada."
In Hungary Saint Anne's day is a great feast and is known as Mother's Day. It was formerly a holiday when the rich indulged in fine Anna balls, the peasants in folk dances and merrymaking of all kinds, and when the traditional Anna Fairs were held in towns and villages.
July 29: Feast of Saint Martha
Saint Martha, one of the best loved saints in the calendar, is called by the French "la travailleuse de Dieu"--the worker for God; this we know she was always and in more ways than one. The Italians know her as "l'albergatrice de Cristo"--the hostess of Christ.
She is the patron of cookery and of housewives. We all know the familiar story of how, as she was busied with preparing the dinner, her sister Mary sat at the feet of their Guest and listened to His words of love and wisdom. Martha, who was no doubt preparing a very special meal in His honor, needed help, and who, she reasoned, could better give it than Mary, sitting there with idle hands? Once the meal was served, she no doubt thought, there would be plenty of time to fold one's hands and listen to conversation--and perhaps her irritation came from the fact that she too wanted to hear the Words that were being spoken in the other room.
We are certain that every housewife, though she might; prefer being a Mary, has a sneaking sympathy for Martha. For is it not very true that there are more Marthas than there are Marys in the world? And if there were not, please tell us who would feed everyone, including the Marys? There is something touching in the complete forgetfulness of Mary, her total absorption in unworldly things. But what if Martha had added herself to the company and listened too? Instead she remained with her task, and we are sure produced a good meal for that reason, so it is to her that housewives ought to turn.
In honor of her feast why should we not reproduce some of the ancient Jewish dishes, prepared in the same way as they were in Our Lord's day?
The Jews have a Hebrew expression about good food in general, but about Purim sweets in particular, "Tahm Gan Eden," which means the taste, or flavor, of the Garden of Eden. One of the Purim sweets is the Poppy Seed Cooky.
Poppy Seed Cookies
1/2 cup milk 1 teaspoon baking 1 cup poppy seeds powder 1/2 cup butter 1 cup currants 1/2 cup sugar 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon 1-1/2 cups flour pinch of salt
Scald the milk, cool, and then soak the poppy seeds in it. Cream the butter and sugar together. Add the remaining ingredients, mixing well. Drop from a teaspoon on a greased cooky sheet. Bake at 350 degrees F. for about twenty minutes--until lightly browned on the bottom. To brown the tops, run under the broiler for a few seconds, watching that they do not burn.
One of the traditional Jewish dishes always to be found at the Passover Seder is "Charoses," a mixture of nuts and apples moistened with wine, to represent the morsel of sweetness to lighten the burden of unhappy memory.
Charoses
1/2 cup walnuts sweet red wine 1/2 cup almonds 1 tablespoon sugar 1 cup grated apple 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
Chop the nuts and apple together or run them through the food chopper. Mix with sufficient wine to form a paste. Add sugar and cinnamon.
There is a tradition that after Martha and Mary lost their beloved Friend, they were driven, with their brother Lazarus, from their own country and were placed with other followers of Christ on a little vessel which bore them through stormy seas safely to Provence. There, the story goes, Lazarus became a bishop and was eventually martyred. Mary became a contemplative, shutting herself away on the heights of La Baume, and giving herself to penance and prayer. Martha, however, remained with the people in the valley, and is said to have founded the first convent for women at Aix. We are told that she bent the knee a hundred times a day at her devotions and as many times during the night. At last she, too, had time to pray. For her day there is really no need of recipes since she is the patroness of all cookery. But here are three excellent hors d'oeuvre that hail from Provence.
Ratatouille
eggplant green peppers zucchini 2 cloves garlic tomatoes salt and pepper olive oil
Take equal amounts of eggplant, zucchini, tomatoes, and peppers. Cut the eggplant and the zucchini into round slices as thick as a silver dollar. Peel the tomatoes and cut them into sections. Cut the peppers into ribbons, first removing the seeds, of course. Mix all together in an earthenware casserole. Finely chopped onions may be added but this is optional. But garlic is essential and two cloves of it should be used, whole (to be fished out later), chopped, or mashed. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and cover generously with olive oil. Cover the casserole and simmer gently for about three hours, taking the lid off during the last hour so that the vegetable liquid boils down to a syrup. Serve cold.
Poireaux a la Provencale (Leeks a la Provence)
3 lbs. leeks 12 black olives 3 tablespoons olive oil juice of 1 lemon salt and pepper 1 teaspoon chopped 1/2 lb. tomatoes lemon peel
Clean the leeks thoroughly and chop into half-inch lengths. Put the oil in a shallow casserole and, when it is heated but not too hot, add the leeks, season with salt and pepper, and simmer for about ten minutes. Add the tomatoes cut in half, the olives which have been stoned, the juice of the lemon, and the lemon peel, and simmer for another fifteen minutes. Serve cold.
Provencal Salad
Mix equal amounts of shredded celery and chopped water cress, the grated peel of 1/2 orange, 3 sprigs of chopped parsley, 6 stoned black olives, chopped, and 2 sliced tomatoes. Make a dressing of one part lemon juice and two parts olive oil. Toss just before serving.
AUGUST
August 1: Lammas Day--Feast of Saint Peter in Chains
SO OFTEN in the course of centuries what was once a pagan festival became a Christian one, and various heathen observances were transplanted by early workers in the Christian vineyard and made to bear new fruit. Such a feast is Lammas Day, which replaced in early Britain the druidic feast of the Gule of August, marking the reaping of the first fruits of the year and particularly the earliest harvest of grain. Today scarcely observed at all, it was for many centuries a festival of importance on the Church calendar, and marked and still marks the feast of St. Peter in Chains. We are told this feast was instituted "to replace a harvest celebration of heathen origin," and in honor of the dedication in the fourth century of the Roman church of St. Peter Advincula on the Esquiline Hill where we may still find preserved small remnants of the chains that bound the Apostle in prison.
In Britain the Christian observance was called Lammas (Lamb- mass), some think from the custom of presenting a lamb to the church on this date in honor of St. Peter. It is more probable that the name is derived from the Anglo-Saxon "hlaf-mass" (loaf-mass), for a loaf made from the first ripened grain was the more usual offering. We incline to this second explanation, because the origin of the word "hlaf-diga" has always been one of our favorite bits of etymology. "Hlaf-diga" means loaf-giver and the dispenser of bread, hence the mistress of the home. This title was softened to our gentler word, lady, and we wonder if there could be a better definition than this for the term.
In suggesting a special dish for this day we go back to the early custom in the British Isles of placing the first sheaves of corn over the church doors on Lammas Day and of carrying in procession effigies of the Corn Spirit called "corn maidens."
Corn Bread
3/4 cup flour 3/4 cup yellow corn meal 2 teaspoons baking 1 egg powder 3 tablespoons melted 2 tablespoons sugar butter pinch of salt 3/4 cup milk
Sift the flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt and add the corn meal. Beat the egg, butter, and milk. Pour the liquid into the dry mixture and combine rapidly. Butter an 8 x 8 inch pan and place in the oven until piping hot. Pour the batter into the hot pan and bake for about twenty-five minutes at 425 degrees F.
August 6: Feast of the Transfiguration
The origin of this Christian festival has been attributed to Saint Gregory the Illuminator who flourished in Lower Armenia during the fourth century. He is said to have substituted it for a pagan feast of Aphrodite called "Vartavarh" (the flaming of the rose) and the old name was retained, in that region at least, to designate the Transfiguration, because "Christ opened his glory like a rose on Mount Thabor."
In Armenian villages the day is still celebrated with unusual ceremonies in the course of which peasants lead to the church a sheep with decorated horns, on each tip of which is placed a lighted candle. Flowers, fruit, and sheaves are also brought and laid before the altar. Following this ceremony a fair usually takes place; there are races and games, and a crown of roses is the customary prize. During the feasting that follows is likely to appear.
Pilaff
3 cups cracked wheat 6 cups stock 4 cups minced cooked 1/2 cup melted butter lamb pepper salt cinnamon
Soak the cracked wheat (cracked barley may be substituted) overnight. Drain the wheat, mix with the meat, and salt to taste. Place in a large kettle, add about half the stock (water and bouillon cubes may be used, allowing one cube for each cup of water), and heat slowly. Cook for about an hour, stirring almost constantly and adding stock as necessary. Serve in hot, deep plates, pour melted butter over each serving, and dust with pepper and cinnamon to taste.
The Feast of the Transfiguration was slower to be observed in the Western Church and is not mentioned until the ninth century. It was made universal by Rome on the day when Hunyady gained his victory over the Turks on August 6, 1456. It is now the titular feast of the Church of St. John Lateran, and on this day the Pope presses a bunch of ripe grapes into the chalice at Mass or uses new wine. Also in Rome raisins are blessed on the Feast of the Transfiguration, and the Greek and Russian Churches too conduct a special ceremony for blessing grapes and other fruits.
Since the grape is given so much prominence on this feast, we may give the following recipe:
Spiced Grape Jelly
8 lbs. Concord grapes 2 sticks cinnamon 2 cups vinegar 1 tablespoon whole cloves sugar
Wash, remove from stems, and drain the grapes. Put half of them in a preserving kettle, add the vinegar, cinnamon, and cloves and then the rest of the grapes. Cook gently for about fifteen minutes or until soft. Strain through a jelly bag without pressing so that the juice remains clear. Take 1 cup of sugar for each cup of juice, boil to the proper consistency for jelly, pour into hot glasses and cover with 1/2 inch of paraffin.
August 10: Feast of Saint Lawrence
We have come to the day of one of the great martyrs of early Christian times, said to have been roasted to death on a gridiron and to have laughed and joked even as he underwent this torture. He was, according to the legends, a gay and likeable young man, kindly and charitable to all.
Some say that the Perseids, which appear on his feast in the heavens, are sparks from St. Lawrence's gridiron; others say they are his tears. We incline to the latter explanation, for despite his general good spirits, he was a man who sorrowed over the poor. He was a deacon and became the chief personage of the Christian community upon the martyrdom of Pope Sixtus II, having in his keeping the modest funds of the persecuted Church. Threatened with arrest, he begged for a day to put his affairs in order, and in due course, having distributed all In his possession among the poor, he appeared before the Roman magistrate followed by a crowd of beggars. When it was demanded that he turn over the treasure within his keeping, it is told he pointed to the outcasts and said, "Behold the poor--they are the treasure of the Church." And the anger of the judge was so great that Lawrence was condemned to be burned to death over a slow fire.
Saint Lawrence's Day is celebrated all over Italy. In Florence, every home and restaurant serves
Lasagne
1/2 lb. ground beef 1 can tomato paste 1/2 lb. ground pork 1 cup tomatoes 1/2 lb. ground veal 2 cups water 2 tablespoons olive oil salt and pepper 1 minced onion 1 lb. lasagne 1 clove garlic 1 lb. Mozzarella cheese 1 teaspoon minced 3/4 lb. ricotta cheese parsley grated Romano cheese
Brown the various meats in the oil, together with the onion, garlic, and parsley. Add the tomato paste (use the kind with basil in it), the tomatoes, and the water, season to taste with salt and pepper, and simmer from one and a half to two hours.
Immerse your lasagne, one piece at a time (to prevent sticking), in a large amount of salted, boiling water and cook for twenty minutes or until tender. Arrange a layer of lasagne in a baking dish, then sauce, then some Mozzarella, then some ricotta; continue this process until all the lasagne is used, ending up with ricotta on top. Sprinkle with grated Romano (or Parmesan) and bake in a 375 degrees F. oven for about twenty minutes.
Although Lawrence died in Rome, he is said to have come from Spain, and is also greatly honored in that country. When Philip II won a battle over the French in 1557, he built in thanksgiving a monastery in honor of Saint Lawrence--and shaped it like a gridiron. This is the famous Escorial, so noted in Spanish architecture and history, and the burial place of the kings of Spain.
San Lorenzo's Day is honored all over the nation, and he is the patron of many Spanish towns. At Huesca in Aragon his image is carried in a procession through the streets. In and out of the line of marching dignitaries, but without interfering with them in any way, weave the dancers of an intricate morris dance. (It is interesting to note that the word morris is a corruption of Moor.) When this procession is over, the statue of San Lorenzo is returned to his shrine and everyone attends a bull fight held in his honor. This is followed by one of the many-course Spanish meals which are the despair of foreign visitors, but they will surely like
Gazpacho (Cold Spanish Soup)
4 slices white bread dry mustard 1 clove garlic 1 tablespoon caraway 1 onion seeds 1 cucumber olive oil 2 green peppers 2 tablespoons vinegar salt juice of 1/2 lemon freshly ground pepper 6 cups water ice cubes
Remove the crusts from the bread, cut into cubes, and place in a soup tureen. Mince the garlic, slice the onion and cucumber, shred the peppers, and add to the bread in the tureen. Season with salt, freshly ground pepper, and a little dry mustard. Add the caraway seeds. Cover all generously with olive oil and mix thoroughly. Add the vinegar and lemon juice to the water and pour over the bread mixture. Put on ice for three or four hours. Serve in the tureen with ice cubes (about 6 or 8) floating in it.
In Paris there flourished for many centuries at the Halles, or market, the fair of St. Laurent, opening on the saint's feast and lasting for eight days thereafter. Here pleasure and commerce were combined in the most agreeable manner, and in our day as in that of Villon, the French visitor to the Halles is apt to demand "escargots."
Escargots (Snails)
Snails are cooked for about half an hour in rapidly boiling salted water. Drain in a colander, remove the snails from the shells (which are reserved), and remove intestines. Then place the snails in another kettle, add a "bouquet garni" made of parsley, bay leaves, and thyme, a sliced onion, and a glass of cognac or other brandy. Cover with cold water, season with salt and pepper and, tightly covered, simmer for about three hours.
In the meantime scrub the shells and dry them thoroughly. Place a snail in each and cover the opening with garlic butter. Arrange the snails on a baking tin and place them in a medium-hot oven until the butter begins to run and the snails are heated through. The snails are served, ring- shaped, on a large platter without any garnish.
Garlic Butter for Snails
Pound 2 cloves of garlic in a mortar and remove any shreds (a garlic press is better if you have one) so that only the oil remains. Place 1/4 pound butter in the mortar and work the garlic oil into it as well as you can. Then add a handful of parsley, chopped, a little salt, freshly ground pepper, and a pinch of nutmeg. Work all together until well incorporated.
Incidentally, Saint Lawrence is a patron of cooks and restaurant-keepers, a protector of vineyards, and invoked against fire and lumbago.
August 15: Assumption Day
The great feast of this month is that of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin--the Day of the Great Lady, as it is called by a saint whose feast also comes in August: Stephen, the first king of Hungary. In the Orthodox Church the feast is known as the Falling Asleep of the All Holy Mother of God.
This is not only Mary's greatest festival, but one of her oldest, for belief that she was taken up bodily into heaven after her death goes back to the early Christian ages, even though only recently has it been defined as a dogma of faith. "How shall Paradise not take her up who brought life to all mankind?" asks Saint Augustine, speaking of it as an accepted belief in his day.
Everywhere the day has its charming customs. In Eastern countries all women bearing the name of Mary, or a name derived from one of her attributes, keep open house in Our Lady's honor and welcome all who come.
In Poland the day is known as the Feast of Our Lady of Herbs, for the peasants take to church sweet-smelling bouquets of their finest blossoms mixed with the green of herbs. And Poles in America also honor the feast as that of Our Lady of Flowers; at church children sing hymns both in Polish and English, and later to the lively music of a polonaise the grown-ups swing into the dances of their motherland.
In many parts of Italy, the statue of Our Lady is carried in procession through the streets to the cathedral or church. And in Siena there takes place a noted race called the "Palio" (Standard) in honor of the Assumption of the Virgin. This race is held in the splendid public square of the city, shaped like a scallop shell and surrounded by ancient and beautiful buildings draped with banners for the occasion. Each ward or parish sends to the race a horse, which is first taken past the cathedral door to receive the bishop's blessing. The medieval costumes of the pages and grooms, of the captain and standard bearers, the furious race of the bareback riders around the stone-paved square, the crowds of onlookers from adjoining streets and balconies, make of this a memorable occasion. The winning parish or ward carries on a celebration after the race.
Scaloppine al Marsala
1-1/2 lbs. veal cutlet 2 tablespoons butter salt and pepper 1/2 cup marsala flour 2 tablespoons stock
Have veal cut as thin as possible and then give it an additional pounding. Cut into serving pieces, salt and pepper, and dust lightly with flour. Melt the butter and brown the pieces quickly on both sides over a quick fire. When brown, add the Marsala and cook a few seconds more. Place on a warm platter, scrape the juices in the pan together with the stock and pour over the meat.
In Portugal the "Romeria," as the festival held on the Assumption is called, is marked with the playing of a brass band and of drums and bagpipes. And the statues of Mary, Queen of the Angels, are crowned in the churches.
In Armenia there is the Blessing of the Grapes on the Sunday nearest the feast of the Assumption. Great trays of the fruit are brought into the churches, and after they are blessed each member of the congregation carries a bunch home. Feasts are held in the vineyards, and at this time the first grapes of the season are eaten.
In France August 15th is in general a day for parties and excursions into the country. At Quimper in Brittany, there is held the Feast of the Soul, dedicated to Mary as the great consoler. It is here considered a day for betrothals, when young men and women come to ask her blessing on their future. The image of the Virgin is placed at the church door during the day, and at night carried into the village square, later to be returned in procession to her shrine. Then to the light of bonfires and the music of bagpipes, the young people dance and make merry. A Quimper specialty is:
Crevettes a la Bechamel (Shrimps with Bechamel Sauce)
Boil shrimps, about 1 pound, in heavily salted water for ten minutes. Remove from the shell and cut out the intestines. Heat in a bechamel sauce and serve in patty shells or in scallop shells.
Bechamel Sauce
2 tablespoons butter pinch of salt 1 tablespoon chopped 4 peppercorns onion 2 sprigs parsley 1/4 cup flour pinch of nutmeg 3 cups hot milk (optional)
Melt the butter, add the onion, and cook until soft but not brown. Add the flour, mix thoroughly, and cook, stirring all the while, until the flour begins to turn golden. Add the milk, a cup at a time, stirring constantly. Add salt, peppercorns, parsley, and nutmeg (if desired). Cook for about twenty minutes, or until the consistency of heavy cream. Strain through a fine sieve.
August 16: Feast of Saint Roch
Saint Roch was born in France, but he is much venerated in other countries, especially in Italy where he spent a part of his life, and where San Rocco is highly honored in many towns and parishes. This saint lived in the thirteenth century, and came of a well-to-do family of Montpellier in southern France. Orphaned when young, he distributed his goods to the poor and donned the coarse habit of a pilgrim. His destination was Rome, and along the route he stopped at hospitals to care for the sick and to carry on other tasks of mercy. On his return he himself was stricken with the plague and lay dying of hunger and disease in a forest near Piacenza when there came into his life a faithful companion.
"It is Saint Roch and his dog" is an expression as proverbial as "Damon and Pythias" to designate two inseparable beings. In the forest Saint Roch was aided in his distress by a dog which each day brought him a piece of bread stolen with measured regularity from the table of his master. Becoming suspicious, this man followed the animal into the forest, found the dying pilgrim, became his friend and was led by him to a better life.
When Saint Roch returned to his native city after many years, he was so disfigured by his sufferings and mortifications that he was mistaken for a spy and thrown into a dungeon, where he died. Only after his death was he recognized, and a great devotion to him sprang up. Italians, at home and abroad, celebrate his feast. In Paris it was long a holy day of obligation. In Italy, Germany, and France, Saint Roch is considered the patron of surgeons, old-clothes dealers, wool carders, and of several other professions, and a protector against diseases of men and of animals.
Santo Roque is also honored in Spain, and here a special dish is named for him.
Saint Roch's Fingers
4 egg yolks 2 cups scalded milk 1/4 cup sugar 1 tablespoon brandy pinch of salt ladyfingers
Beat the egg yolks slightly and add the sugar and salt. Pour in the scalded milk slowly, stirring all the while, and place over a |
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Date: May 2nd, 2006 2:10 PM Author: Avocado native idiot Faust. Part I
1499
NIGHT
A high vaulted narrow Gothic chamber. FAUST, restless, seated at his desk. FAUST
I HAVE, alas! Philosophy, Medicine, Jurisprudence too, And to my cost Theology, With ardent labour, studied through. And here I stand, with all my lore, 5 Poor fool, no wiser than before. Magister, doctor styled, indeed, Already these ten years I lead, Up, down, across, and to and fro, My pupils by the nose,and learn, 10 That we in truth can nothing know! That in my heart like fire doth burn. Tis true Ive more cunning than all your dull tribe, Magister and doctor, priest, parson, and scribe; Scruple or doubt comes not to enthrall me, 15 Neither can devil nor hell now appal me Hence also my heart must all pleasure forego! I may not pretend, aught rightly to know, I may not pretend, through teaching, to find A means to improve or convert mankind. 20 Then I have neither goods nor treasure, No worldly honour, rank, or pleasure; No dog in such fashion would longer live! Therefore myself to magic I give, In hope, through spirit-voice and might, 25 Secrets now veiled to bring to light, That I no more, with aching brow, Need speak of what I nothing know; That I the force may recognise That binds creations inmost energies; 30 Her vital powers, her embryo seeds survey, And fling the trade in empty words away. O full-orbd moon, did but thy rays Their last upon mine anguish gaze! Beside this desk, at dead of night, 35 Oft have I watched to hail thy light: Then, pensive friend! oer book and scroll, With soothing power, thy radiance stole! In thy dear light, ah, might I climb, Freely, some mountain height sublime, 40 Round mountain caves with spirits ride, In thy mild haze oer meadows glide, And, purged from knowledge-fumes, renew My spirit, in thy healing dew! Woes me! still prisond in the gloom 45 Of this abhorrd and musty room! Where heavens dear light itself doth pass, But dimly through the painted glass! Hemmed in by volumes thick with dust, Worm-eaten, hid neath rust and mould, 50 And to the high vaults topmost bound, A smoke-stained paper compassed round; With boxes round thee piled, and glass, And many a useless instrument, With old ancestral lumber blent 55 This is thy world! a world! alas! And dost thou ask why heaves thy heart, With tightend pressure in thy breast? Why the dull ache will not depart, By which thy life-pulse is oppressd? 60 Instead of natures living sphere, Created for mankind of old, Brute skeletons surround thee here, And dead mens bones in smoke and mould.
Up! Forth into the distant land! 65 Is not this book of mystery By Nostradamus proper hand, An all-sufficient guide? Thoult see The courses of the stars unrolld; When nature doth her thoughts unfold 70 To thee, thy soul shall rise, and seek Communion high with her to hold, As spirit doth with spirit speak! Vain by dull poring to divine The meaning of each hallowd sign. 75 Spirits! I feel you hovring near; Make answer, if my voice ye hear! (He opens the book and perceives the sign of the Macrocosmos.)
Ah! at this spectacle through every sense, What sudden ecstasy of joy is flowing! I feel new rapture, hallowd and intense, 80 Through every nerve and vein with ardour glowing. Was it a god who characterd this scroll, The tumult in my spirit healing, Oer my sad heart with rapture stealing, And by a mystic impulse, to my soul, 85 The powers of nature all around revealing. Am I a God? What light intense! In these pure symbols do I see, Nature exert her vital energy. Now of the wise mans words I learn the sense; 90
Unlockd the spirit-world doth lie, Thy sense is shut, thy heart is dead! Up scholar, lave, with courage high, Thine earthly breast in the morning-red! (He contemplates the sign.)
How all things live and work, and ever blending, 95 Weave one vast whole from Beings ample range! How powers celestial, rising and descending, Their golden buckets ceaseless interchange! Their flight on rapture-breathing pinions winging, From heaven to earth their genial influence bringing, 100 Through the wild sphere their chimes melodious ringing!
A wondrous show! but ah! a show alone! Where shall I grasp thee, infinite nature, where? Ye breasts, ye fountains of all life, whereon Hang heaven and earth, from which the withered heart 105 For solace yearns, ye still impart Your sweet and fostering tideswhere are yewhere? Ye gush, and must I languish in despair? (He turns over the leaves of the book impatiently, and perceives the sigh of the Earth-spirit.)
How all unlike the influence of this sign! Earth-spirit, thou to me art nigher, 110 Een now my strength is rising higher, Een now I glow as with new wine; Courage I feel, abroad the world to dare, The woe of earth, the bliss of earth to bear, With storms to wrestle, brave the lightnings glare, 115 And mid the crashing shipwreck not despair.
Clouds gather over me The moon conceals her light The lamp is quenchd Vapours are risingQuivring round my head 120 Flash the red beamsDown from the vaulted roof A shuddering horror floats, And seizes me! I feel it, spirit, prayer-compelld, tis thou Art hovering near! 125 Unveil thyself! Ha! How my heart is riven now! Each sense, with eager palpitation, Is straind to catch some new sensation! I feel my heart surrenderd unto thee! 130 Thou must! Thou must! Though life should be the fee! (He seizes the book, and pronounces mysteriously the sign of the spirit. A ruddy flame flashes up; the spirit appears in the flame.)
SPIRIT
Who calls me?
FAUST (turning aside)
Dreadful shape!
SPIRIT
With might, Thou hast compelled me to appear, 135 Long hast been sucking at my sphere, And now
FAUST
Woes me! I cannot bear thy sight!
SPIRIT
To see me thou dost breathe thine invocation, My voice to hear, to gaze upon my brow; 140 Me doth thy strong entreaty bow Lo! I am here!What cowering agitation Grasps thee, the demigod! Wheres now the souls deep cry? Where is the breast, which in its depths a world conceivd And bore and cherished? which, with ecstacy, 145 To rank itself with us, the spirits, heaved? Where art thou, Faust? whose voice I heard resound, Who towards me pressd with energy profound? Art thou he? Thou,who by my breath art blighted, Who, in his spirits depths affrighted, 150 Trembles, a crushd and writhing worm!
FAUST
Shall I yield, thing of flame, to thee? Faust, and thine equal, I am he!
SPIRIT
In the currents of life, in actions storm, I float and I wave 155 With billowy motion! Birth and the grave A limitless ocean, A constant weaving With change still rife, 160 A restless heaving, A glowing life Thus times whirring loom unceasing I ply, And weave the life-garment of deity.
FAUST
Thou, restless spirit, dost from end to end 165 Oersweep the world; how near I feel to thee!
SPIRIT
Thourt like the spirit, thou dost comprehend, Not me! (Vanishes.)
FAUST
Not thee? Whom then? 170 I, Gods own image! And not rank with thee! (A knock.) Oh death! I know ittis my famulus My fairest fortune now escapes! That all these visionary shapes 175 A soulless groveller should banish thus! (WAGNER in his dressing gown and night-cap, a lamp in his hand. FAUST turns round reluctantly.)
WAGNER
Pardon! I heard you here declaim; A Grecian tragedy you doubtless read? Improvement in this art is now my aim, For now-a-days it much avails. Indeed 180 An actor, oft Ive heard it said, as teacher, May give instruction to a preacher.
FAUST
Ay, if your priest should be an actor too, As not improbably may come to pass.
WAGNER
When in his study pent the whole year through, 185 Man views the world, as through an optic glass, On a chance holiday, and scarcely then, How by persuasion can he govern men?
FAUST
If feeling prompt not, if it doth not flow Fresh from the spirits depths, with strong control 190 Swaying to rapture every listeners soul, Idle your toil; the chase you may forego! Brood oer your task! Together glue, Cook from anothers feast your own ragout, Still prosecute your paltry game, 195 And fan your ash-heaps into flame! Thus childrens wonder youll excite, And apes, if such your appetite; But that which issues from the heart alone, Will bend the hearts of others to your own. 200
WAGNER
The speaker in delivery will find Success alone; I still am far behind.
FAUST
A worthy object still pursue! Be not a hollow tinkling fool! Sound understanding, judgment true, 205 Find utterance without art or rule; And when in earnest you are moved to speak, Then is it needful cunning words to seek? Your fine harangues, so polishd in their kind, Wherein the shreds of human thought ye twist, 210 Are unrefreshing as the empty wind, Whistling through witherd leaves and autumn mist!
WAGNER
Oh God! How long is art, Our life how short! With earnest zeal Still as I ply the critics task, I feel 215 A strange oppression both of head and heart. The very means how hardly are they won, By which we to the fountains rise! And haply, ere one half the course is run, Checkd in his progress, the poor devil dies. 220
FAUST
Parchment, is that the sacred fount whence roll Waters, he thirsteth not who once hath quaffed? Oh, if it gush not from thine inmost soul, Thou has not won the life-restoring draught.
WAGNER
Your pardon! tis delightful to transport 225 Oneself into the spirit of the past, To see in times before us how a wise man thought, And what a glorious height we have achieved at last.
FAUST
Ay truly! even to the loftiest star! To us, my friend, the ages that are passd 230 A book with seven seals, close-fastend, are; And what the spirit of the times men call, Is merely their own spirit after all, Wherein, distorted oft, the times are glassd. Then truly, tis a sight to grieve the soul! 235 At the first glance we fly it in dismay; A very lumber-room, a rubbish-hole; At best a sort of mock-heroic play, With saws pragmatical, and maxims sage, To suit the puppets and their mimic stage. 240
WAGNER
But then the world and man, his heart and brain! Touching these things all men would something know.
FAUST
Ay! what mong men as knowledge doth obtain! Who on the child its true name dares bestow? The few who somewhat of these things have known, 245 Who their full hearts unguardedly reveald, Nor thoughts, nor feelings, from the mob conceald, Have died on crosses, or in flames been thrown. Excuse me, friend, far now the night is spent, For this time we must say adieu. 250
WAGNER
Still to watch on I had been well content, Thus to converse so learnedly with you. But as to-morrow will be Easter-day, Some further questions grant, I pray; With diligence to study still I fondly cling; 255 Already I know much, but would know everything. (Exit.)
FAUST (alone)
How him alone all hope abandons never, To empty trash who clings, with zeal untired, With greed for treasure gropes, and, joy-inspird, Exults if earth-worms second his endeavour. 260
And dare a voice of merely human birth, Een here, where shapes immortal throngd intrude? Yet ah! thou poorest of the sons of earth, For once, I een to thee feel gratitude. Despair the power of sense did well-nigh blast, 265 And thou didst save me ere I sank dismayd, So giant-like the vision seemd, so vast, I felt myself shrink dwarfd as I surveyd!
I, Gods own image, from this toil of clay Already freed, with eager joy who haild 270 The mirror of eternal truth unveild, Mid light effulgent and celestial day: I, more than cherub, whose unfetterd soul With penetrative glance aspird to flow Through natures veins, and, still creating, know 275 The life of gods,how am I punishd now! One thunder-word hath hurld me from the goal!
Spirit! I dare not lift me to thy sphere. What though my power compelld thee to appear, My art was powerless to detain thee here. 280 In that great moment, rapture-fraught, I felt myself so small, so great; Fiercely didst thrust me from the realm of thought Back on humanitys uncertain fate! Wholl teach me now? What ought I to forego? 285 Ought I that impulse to obey? Alas! our every deed, as well as every woe, Impedes the tenor of lifes onward way!
Een to the noblest by the soul conceivd, Some feelings cling of baser quality; 290 And when the goods of this world are achievd, Each nobler aim is termed a cheat, a lie. Our aspirations, our souls genuine life, Grow torpid in the din of earthly strife. Though youthful phantasy, while hope inspires, 295 Stretch oer the infinite her wing sublime, A narrow compass limits her desires, When wreckd our fortunes in the gulf of time. In the deep heart of man care builds her nest, Oer secret woes she broodeth there, 300 Sleepless she rocks herself and scareth joy and rest; Still is she wont some new disguise to wear, She may as house and court, as wife and child appear, As dagger, poison, fire and flood; Imagined evils chill thy blood, 305
And what thou neer shall lose, oer that dost shed the tear. I am not like the gods! Feel it I must; Im like the earth-worm, writhing in the dust, Which, as on dust it feeds, its native fare, Crushed neath the passers tread, lies buried there. 310
Is it not dust, wherewith this lofty wall, With hundred shelves, confines me round; Rubbish, in thousand shapes, may I not call What in this moth-world doth my being bound? Here, what doth fail me, shall I find? 315 Read in a thousand tomes that, everywhere, Self-torture is the lot of human-kind, With but one mortal happy, here and there? Thou hollow skull, that grin, what should it say, But that thy brain, like mine, of old perplexed, 320 Still yearning for the truth, hath sought the light of day. And in the twilight wandered, sorely vexed? Ye instruments, forsooth, ye mock at me, With wheel, and cog, and ring, and cylinder; To natures portals ye should be the key; 325 Cunning your wards, and yet the bolts ye fail to stir. Inscrutable in broadest light, To be unveild by force she doth refuse, What she reveals not to thy mental sight, Thou wilt not wrest me from her with levers and with screws. 330 Old useless furnitures, yet stand ye here, Because my sire ye served, now dead and gone. Old scroll, the smoke of years dost wear, So long as oer this desk the sorry lamp hath shone. Better my little means hath squandered quite away, 335 Than burdend by that little here to sweat and groan! Wouldst thou possess thy heritage, essay, By use to render it thine own! What we employ not, but impedes our way, That which the hour creates, that can it use alone! 340 But wherefore to yon spot is riveted my gaze? Is yonder flasket there a magnet to my sight? Whence this mild radiance that around me plays, As when, mid forest gloom, reigneth the moons soft light?
Hail precious phial! Thee, with reverent awe, 345 Down from thine old receptacle I draw! Science in thee I hail and human art. Essence of deadliest powers, refind and sure, Of soothing anodynes abstraction pure, Now in thy masters need thy grace impart! 350 I gaze on thee, my pain is lulld to rest; I grasp thee, calmd the tumult in my breast; The flood-tide of my spirit ebbs away; Onward Im summond oer a boundless main, Calm at my feet expands the glassy plain, 355 To shores unknown allures a brighter day.
Lo, where a car of fire, on airy pinion, Comes floating towards me! Im prepard to fly By a new track through ethers wide dominion, To distant spheres of pure activity. 360 This life intense, this godlike ecstasy Worm that thou art such rapture canst thou earn? Only resolve with courage stern and high, Thy visage from the radiant sun to turn! Dare with determind will to burst the portals 365 Past which in terror others fain would steal! Now is the time, through deeds, to show that mortals The calm sublimity of gods can feel; To shudder not at yonder dark abyss, Where phantasy creates her own self-torturing brood, 370 Right onward to the yawning gulf to press, Around whose narrow jaws rolleth hells fiery flood; With glad resolve to take the fatal leap, Though danger threaten thee, to sink in endless sleep! Pure crystal goblet! forth I draw thee now, 375 From out thine antiquated case, where thou Forgotten hast reposed for many a year! Oft at my fathers revels thou didst shine, To glad the earnest guests was thine, As each to other passed the generous cheer. 380 The gorgeous brede of figures, quaintly wrought, Which he who quaffd must first in rhyme expound, Then drain the goblet at one draught profound, Hath nights of boyhood to fond memory brought. I to my neighbour shall not reach thee now, 385 Nor on thy rich device shall I my cunning show. Here is a juice, makes drunk without delay; Its dark brown flood thy crystal round doth fill; Let this last draught, the product of my skill, My own free choice, be quaffd with resolute will, 390 A solemn festive greeting, to the coming day! (He places the goblet to his mouth.) (The ringing of bells, and choral voices.)
Chorus of ANGELS
Christ is arisen! Mortal, all hail to thee, Thou whom mortality, Earths sad reality, 395 Held as in prison.
FAUST
What hum melodious, what clear silvery chime Thus draws the goblet from my lips away? Ye deep-tond bells, do ye with voice sublime, Announce the solemn dawn of Easter-day? 400 Sweet choir! are ye the hymn of comfort singing, Which one around the darkness of the grave, From seraph-voices, in glad triumph ringing, Of a new covenant assurance gave?
Chorus of WOMEN
We, his true-hearted, 405 With spices and myrrh, Embalmed the departed, And swathed him with care; Here we conveyed Him, Our Master, so dear; 410 Alas! Where we laid Him, The Christ is not here,
Chorus of ANGELS
Christ is arisen! Blessed the loving one, Who from earths trial throes, 415 Healing and strengthening woes, Soars as from prison.
FAUST
Wherefore, ye tones celestial, sweet and strong, Come ye a dweller in the dust to seek? Ring out your chimes believing crowds among, 420 The message well I hear, my faith alone is weak; From faith her darling, miracle, hath sprung. Aloft to yonder spheres I dare not soar, Whence sound the tidings of great joy; And yet, with this sweet strain familiar when a boy, 425 Back it recalleth me to life once more. Then would celestial love, with holy kiss, Come oer me in the Sabbaths stilly hour, While, fraught with solemn meaning and mysterious power, Chimd the deep-sounding bell, and prayer was bliss; 430 A yearning impulse, undefind yet dear, Drove me to wander on through wood and field; With heaving breast and many a burning tear, I felt with holy joy a world reveald. Gay sports and festive hours proclaimd with joyous pealing, 435 This Easter hymn in days of old; And fond remembrance now doth me, with childlike feeling, Back from the last, the solemn step, withhold. O still sound on, thou sweet celestial strain! The tear-drop flows,-Earth, I am thine again! 440
Chorus of DISCIPLES
He whom we mourned as dead, Living and glorious, From the dark grave hath fled, Oer death victorious; Almost creative bliss 445 Waits on his growing powers; Ah! Him on earth we miss; Sorrow and grief are ours. Yearning he left his own, Mid sore annoy; 450 Ah! we must needs bemoan. Master, thy joy!
Chorus of ANGELS
Christ is arisen, Redeemd from decay. The bonds which imprison 455 Your souls, rend away! Praising the Lord with zeal, By deeds that love reveal, Like brethren true and leal Sharing the daily meal, 460 To all that sorrow feel Whispring of heavens weal, Still is the master near, Still is he here!
BEFORE THE GATE 465
Promenaders of all sorts pass out.
ARTISANS
Why choose ye that direction, pray?
OTHERS
To the hunting-lodge were on our way.
THE FIRST
We towards the mill are strolling on.
A MECHANIC
A walk to Wasserhof were best. 470
A SECOND
The road is not a pleasant one.
THE OTHERS
What will you do?
A THIRD
Ill join the rest.
A FOURTH
Lets up to Burghof, there youll find good cheer, The prettiest maidens and the best of beer, 475 And brawls of a prime sort.
A FIFTH
You scapegrace! How; Your skin still itching for a row? Thither I will not go, I loathe the place.
SERVANT GIRL
No, no! I to the town my steps retrace. 480
ANOTHER
Near yonder poplars he is sure to be.
THE FIRST
And if he is, what matters it to me! With you hell walk, hell dance with none but you, And with your pleasures what have I to do?
THE SECOND
To-day he will not be alone, he said 485 His friend would be with him, the curly-head.
STUDENT
Why how those buxom girls step on! Come, brother, we will follow them anon. Strong beer, a damsel smartly dressd, Stinging tobacco,these I love the best. 490
BURGHERS DAUGHTER
Look at those handsome fellows there! Tis really shameful, I declare, The very best society they shun, After those servant girls forsooth, to run.
SECOND STUDENT (to the first)
Not quite so fast! for in our rear, 495 Two girls, well-dressd, are drawing near; Not far from us the one doth dwell, And sooth to say, I like her well. They walk demurely, yet youll see,
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Date: May 6th, 2006 5:21 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus Ga-bing! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5726247) |
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Date: May 8th, 2006 3:03 PM Author: Subject: present (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5742616) |
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Date: May 8th, 2006 3:42 PM Author: Subject: I win
IT CAN'T HAPPEN HERE A Novel
by
SINCLAIR LEWIS
1935
1
The handsome dining room of the Hotel Wessex, with its gilded plaster shields and the mural depicting the Green Mountains, had been reserved for the Ladies' Night Dinner of the Fort Beulah Rotary Club. Here in Vermont the affair was not so picturesque as it might have been on the Western prairies. Oh, it had its points: there was a skit in which Medary Cole (grist mill & feed store) and Louis Rotenstern (custom tailoring--pressing & cleaning) announced that they were those historic Vermonters, Brigham Young and Joseph Smith, and with their jokes about imaginary plural wives they got in ever so many funny digs at the ladies present. But the occasion was essentially serious. All of America was serious now, after the seven years of depression since 1929. It was just long enough after the Great War of 1914-18 for the young people who had been born in 1917 to be ready to go to college . . . or to another war, almost any old war that might be handy. The features of this night among the Rotarians were nothing funny, at least not obviously funny, for they were the patriotic addresses of Brigadier General Herbert Y. Edgeways, U.S.A. (ret.), who dealt angrily with the topic "Peace through Defense--Millions for Arms but Not One Cent for Tribute," and of Mrs. Adelaide Tarr Gimmitch--she who was no more renowned for her gallant anti-suffrage campaigning way back in 1919 than she was for having, during the Great War, kept the American soldiers entirely out of French cafés by the clever trick of sending them ten thousand sets of dominoes. Nor could any social-minded patriot sneeze at her recent somewhat unappreciated effort to maintain the purity of the American Home by barring from the motion-picture industry all persons, actors or directors or cameramen, who had: (a) ever been divorced; (b) been born in any foreign country--except Great Britain, since Mrs. Gimmitch thought very highly of Queen Mary, or (c) declined to take an oath to revere the Flag, the Constitution, the Bible, and all other peculiarly American institutions. The Annual Ladies' Dinner was a most respectable gathering--the flower of Fort Beulah. Most of the ladies and more than half of the gentlemen wore evening clothes, and it was rumored that before the feast the inner circle had had cocktails, privily served in Room 289 of the hotel. The tables, arranged on three sides of a hollow square, were bright with candles, cut-glass dishes of candy and slightly tough almonds, figurines of Mickey Mouse, brass Rotary wheels, and small silk American flags stuck in gilded hard-boiled eggs. On the wall was a banner lettered "Service Before Self," and the menu--the celery, cream of tomato soup, broiled haddock, chicken croquettes, peas, and tutti-frutti ice-cream--was up to the highest standards of the Hotel Wessex. They were all listening, agape. General Edgeways was completing his manly yet mystical rhapsody on nationalism: ". . . for these U-nited States, a-lone among the great powers, have no desire for foreign conquest. Our highest ambition is to be darned well let alone! Our only gen-uine relationship to Europe is in our arduous task of having to try and educate the crass and ignorant masses that Europe has wished onto us up to something like a semblance of American culture and good manners. But, as I explained to you, we must be prepared to defend our shores against all the alien gangs of international racketeers that call themselves 'governments,' and that with such feverish envy are always eyeing our inexhaustible mines, our towering forests, our titanic and luxurious cities, our fair and far-flung fields. "For the first time in all history, a great nation must go on arming itself more and more, not for conquest--not for jealousy--not for war--but for peace! Pray God it may never be necessary, but if foreign nations don't sharply heed our warning, there will, as when the proverbial dragon's teeth were sowed, spring up an armed and fearless warrior upon every square foot of these United States, so arduously cultivated and defended by our pioneer fathers, whose sword-girded images we must be . . . or we shall perish!" The applause was cyclonic. "Professor" Emil Staubmeyer, the superintendent of schools, popped up to scream, "Three cheers for the General--hip, hip, hooray!" All the audience made their faces to shine upon the General and Mr. Staubmeyer--all save a couple of crank pacifist women, and one Doremus Jessup, editor of the Fort Beulah Daily Informer, locally considered "a pretty smart fella but kind of a cynic," who whispered to his friend the Reverend Mr. Falck, "Our pioneer fathers did rather of a skimpy job in arduously cultivating some of the square feet in Arizona!"
The culminating glory of the dinner was the address of Mrs. Adelaide Tarr Gimmitch, known throughout the country as "the Unkies' Girl," because during the Great War she had advocated calling our boys in the A.E.F. "the Unkies." She hadn't merely given them dominoes; indeed her first notion had been far more imaginative. She wanted to send to every soldier at the Front a canary in a cage. Think what it would have meant to them in the way of companionship and inducing memories of home and mother! A dear little canary! And who knows--maybe you could train 'em to hunt cooties! Seething with the notion, she got herself clear into the office of the Quartermaster General, but that stuffy machine-minded official refused her (or, really, refused the poor lads, so lonely there in the mud), muttering in a cowardly way some foolishness about lack of transport for canaries. It is said that her eyes flashed real fire, and that she faced the Jack-in-office like Joan of Arc with eyeglasses while she "gave him a piece of her mind that he never forgot!" In those good days women really had a chance. They were encouraged to send their menfolks, or anybody else's menfolks, off to war. Mrs. Gimmitch addressed every soldier she met--and she saw to it that she met any of them who ventured within two blocks of her--as "My own dear boy." It is fabled that she thus saluted a colonel of marines who had come up from the ranks and who answered, "We own dear boys are certainly getting a lot of mothers these days. Personally, I'd rather have a few more mistresses." And the fable continues that she did not stop her remarks on the occasion, except to cough, for one hour and seventeen minutes, by the Colonel's wrist watch. But her social services were not all confined to prehistoric eras. It was as recently as 1935 that she had taken up purifying the films, and before that she had first advocated and then fought Prohibition. She had also (since the vote had been forced on her) been a Republican Committee-woman in 1932, and sent to President Hoover daily a lengthy telegram of advice. And, though herself unfortunately childless, she was esteemed as a lecturer and writer about Child Culture, and she was the author of a volume of nursery lyrics, including the immortal couplet:
All of the Roundies are resting in rows, With roundy-roundies around their toes.
But always, 1917 or 1936, she was a raging member of the Daughters of the American Revolution. The D.A.R. (reflected the cynic, Doremus Jessup, that evening) is a somewhat confusing organization--as confusing as Theosophy, Relativity, or the Hindu Vanishing Boy Trick, all three of which it resembles. It is composed of females who spend one half their waking hours boasting of being descended from the seditious American colonists of 1776, and the other and more ardent half in attacking all contemporaries who believe in precisely the principles for which those ancestors struggled. The D.A.R. (reflected Doremus) has become as sacrosanct, as beyond criticism, as even the Catholic Church or the Salvation Army. And there is this to be said: it has provided hearty and innocent laughter for the judicious, since it has contrived to be just as ridiculous as the unhappily defunct Kuklux Klan, without any need of wearing, like the K.K.K., high dunces' caps and public nightshirts. So, whether Mrs. Adelaide Tarr Gimmitch was called in to inspire military morale, or to persuade Lithuanian choral societies to begin their program with "Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean," always she was a D.A.R., and you could tell it as you listened to her with the Fort Beulah Rotarians on this happy May evening. She was short, plump, and pert of nose. Her luxuriant gray hair (she was sixty now, just the age of the sarcastic editor, Doremus Jessup) could be seen below her youthful, floppy Leghorn hat; she wore a silk print dress with an enormous string of crystal beads, and pinned above her ripe bosom was an orchid among lilies of the valley. She was full of friendliness toward all the men present: she wriggled at them, she cuddled at them, as in a voice full of flute sounds and chocolate sauce she poured out her oration on "How You Boys Can Help Us Girls." Women, she pointed out, had done nothing with the vote. If the United States had only listened to her back in 1919 she could have saved them all this trouble. No. Certainly not. No votes. In fact, Woman must resume her place in the Home and: "As that great author and scientist, Mr. Arthur Brisbane, has pointed out, what every woman ought to do is to have six children." At this second there was a shocking, an appalling interruption. One Lorinda Pike, widow of a notorious Unitarian preacher, was the manager of a country super-boarding-house that called itself "The Beulah Valley Tavern." She was a deceptively Madonna-like, youngish woman, with calm eyes, smooth chestnut hair parted in the middle, and a soft voice often colored with laughter. But on a public platform her voice became brassy, her eyes filled with embarrassing fury. She was the village scold, the village crank. She was constantly poking into things that were none of her business, and at town meetings she criticized every substantial interest in the whole county: the electric company's rates, the salaries of the schoolteachers, the Ministerial Association's high-minded censorship of books for the public library. Now, at this moment when everything should have been all Service and Sunshine, Mrs. Lorinda Pike cracked the spell by jeering: "Three cheers for Brisbane! But what if a poor gal can't hook a man? Have her six kids out of wedlock?" Then the good old war horse, Gimmitch, veteran of a hundred campaigns against subversive Reds, trained to ridicule out of existence the cant of Socialist hecklers and turn the laugh against them, swung into gallant action: "My dear good woman, if a gal, as you call it, has any real charm and womanliness, she won't have to 'hook' a man--she'll find 'em lined up ten deep on her doorstep!" (Laughter and applause.) The lady hoodlum had merely stirred Mrs. Gimmitch into noble passion. She did not cuddle at them now. She tore into it: "I tell you, my friends, the trouble with this whole country is that so many are selfish! Here's a hundred and twenty million people, with ninety-five per cent of 'em only thinking of self, instead of turning to and helping the responsible business men to bring back prosperity! All these corrupt and self-seeking labor unions! Money grubbers! Thinking only of how much wages they can extort out of their unfortunate employer, with all the responsibilities he has to bear! "What this country needs is Discipline! Peace is a great dream, but maybe sometimes it's only a pipe dream! I'm not so sure--now this will shock you, but I want you to listen to one woman who will tell you the unadulterated hard truth instead of a lot of sentimental taffy, and I'm not sure but that we need to be in a real war again, in order to learn Discipline! We don't want all this highbrow intellectuality, all this book-learning. That's good enough in its way, but isn't it, after all, just a nice toy for grownups? No, what we all of us must have, if this great land is going to go on maintaining its high position among the Congress of Nations, is Discipline--Will Power--Character!" She turned prettily then toward General Edgeways and laughed: "You've been telling us about how to secure peace, but come on, now, General--just among us Rotarians and Rotary Anns--'fess up! With your great experience, don't you honest, cross-your-heart, think that perhaps--just maybe--when a country has gone money-mad, like all our labor unions and workmen, with their propaganda to hoist income taxes, so that the thrifty and industrious have to pay for the shiftless ne'er-do-weels, then maybe, to save their lazy souls and get some iron into them, a war might be a good thing? Come on, now, tell your real middle name, Mong General!" Dramatically she sat down, and the sound of clapping filled the room like a cloud of downy feathers. The crowd bellowed, "Come on, General! Stand up!" and "She's called your bluff--what you got?" or just a tolerant, "Attaboy, Gen!" The General was short and globular, and his red face was smooth as a baby's bottom and adorned with white-gold-framed spectacles. But he had the military snort and a virile chuckle. "Well, sir!" he guffawed, on his feet, shaking a chummy forefinger at Mrs. Gimmitch, "since you folks are bound and determined to drag the secrets out of a poor soldier, I better confess that while I do abhor war, yet there are worse things. Ah, my friends, far worse! A state of so-called peace, in which labor organizations are riddled, as by plague germs, with insane notions out of anarchistic Red Russia! A state in which college professors, newspapermen, and notorious authors are secretly promulgating these same seditious attacks on the grand old Constitution! A state in which, as a result of being fed with these mental drugs, the People are flabby, cowardly, grasping, and lacking in the fierce pride of the warrior! No, such a state is far worse than war at its most monstrous! "I guess maybe some of the things I said in my former speech were kind of a little bit obvious and what we used to call 'old hat' when my brigade was quartered in England. About the United States only wanting peace, and freedom from all foreign entanglements. No! What I'd really like us to do would be to come out and tell the whole world: 'Now you boys never mind about the moral side of this. We have power, and power is its own excuse!' "I don't altogether admire everything Germany and Italy have done, but you've got to hand it to 'em, they've been honest enough and realistic enough to say to the other nations, 'Just tend to your own business, will you? We've got strength and will, and for whomever has those divine qualities it's not only a right, it's a duty, to use 'em!' Nobody in God's world ever loved a weakling--including that weakling himself! "And I've got good news for you! This gospel of clean and aggressive strength is spreading everywhere in this country among the finest type of youth. Why today, in 1936, there's less than 7 per cent of collegiate institutions that do not have military-training units under discipline as rigorous as the Nazis, and where once it was forced upon them by the authorities, now it is the strong young men and women who themselves demand the right to be trained in warlike virtues and skill--for, mark you, the girls, with their instruction in nursing and the manufacture of gas masks and the like, are becoming every whit as zealous as their brothers. And all the really thinking type of professors are right with 'em! "Why, here, as recently as three years ago, a sickeningly big percentage of students were blatant pacifists, wanting to knife their own native land in the dark. But now, when the shameless fools and the advocates of Communism try to hold pacifist meetings--why, my friends, in the past five months, since January first, no less than seventy-six such exhibitionistic orgies have been raided by their fellow students, and no less than fifty-nine disloyal Red students have received their just deserts by being beaten up so severely that never again will they raise in this free country the bloodstained banner of anarchism! That, my friends, is NEWS!"
As the General sat down, amid ecstasies of applause, the village trouble maker, Mrs. Lorinda Pike, leaped up and again interrupted the love feast: "Look here, Mr. Edgeways, if you think you can get away with this sadistic nonsense without--" She got no farther. Francis Tasbrough, the quarry owner, the most substantial industrialist in Fort Beulah, stood grandly up, quieted Lorinda with an outstretched arm, and rumbled in his Jerusalem-the-Golden basso, "A moment please, my dear lady! All of us here locally have got used to your political principles. But as chairman, it is my unfortunate duty to remind you that General Edgeways and Mrs. Gimmitch have been invited by the club to address us, whereas you, if you will excuse my saying so, are not even related to any Rotarian but merely here as the guest of the Reverend Falck, than whom there is no one whom we more honor. So, if you will be so good--Ah, I thank you, madame!" Lorinda Pike had slumped into her chair with her fuse still burning. Mr. Francis Tasbrough (it rhymed with "low") did not slump; he sat like the Archbishop of Canterbury on the archiepiscopal throne. And Doremus Jessup popped up to soothe them all, being an intimate of Lorinda, and having, since milkiest boyhood, chummed with and detested Francis Tasbrough. This Doremus Jessup, publisher of the Daily Informer, for all that he was a competent business man and a writer of editorials not without wit and good New England earthiness, was yet considered the prime eccentric of Fort Beulah. He was on the school board, the library board, and he introduced people like Oswald Garrison Villard, Norman Thomas, and Admiral Byrd when they came to town lecturing. Jessup was a littlish man, skinny, smiling, well tanned, with a small gray mustache, a small and well-trimmed gray beard--in a community where to sport a beard was to confess one's self a farmer, a Civil War veteran, or a Seventh Day Adventist. Doremus's detractors said that he maintained the beard just to be "highbrow" and "different," to try to appear "artistic." Possibly they were right. Anyway, he skipped up now and murmured: "Well, all the birdies in their nest agree. My friend, Mrs. Pike, ought to know that freedom of speech becomes mere license when it goes so far as to criticize the Army, differ with the D.A.R., and advocate the rights of the Mob. So, Lorinda, I think you ought to apologize to the General, to whom we should be grateful for explaining to us what the ruling classes of the country really want. Come on now, my friend--jump up and make your excuses." He was looking down on Lorinda with sternness, yet Medary Cole, president of Rotary, wondered if Doremus wasn't "kidding" them. He had been known to. Yes--no--he must be wrong, for Mrs. Lorinda Pike was (without rising) caroling, "Oh yes! I do apologize, General! Thank you for your revelatory speech!" The General raised his plump hand (with a Masonic ring as well as a West Point ring on the sausage-shaped fingers); he bowed like Galahad or a head-waiter; he shouted with parade-ground maleness: "Not at all, not at all, madame! We old campaigners never mind a healthy scrap. Glad when anybody's enough interested in our fool ideas to go and get sore at us, huh, huh, huh!" And everybody laughed and sweetness reigned. The program wound up with Louis Rotenstern's singing of a group of patriotic ditties: "Marching through Georgia" and "Tenting on the Old Campground" and "Dixie" and "Old Black Joe" and "I'm Only a Poor Cowboy and I Know I Done Wrong." Louis Rotenstern was by all of Fort Beulah classed as a "good fellow," a caste just below that of "real, old-fashioned gentleman." Doremus Jessup liked to go fishing with him, and partridge-hunting; and he considered that no Fifth Avenue tailor could do anything tastier in the way of a seersucker outfit. But Louis was a jingo. He explained, and rather often, that it was not he nor his father who had been born in the ghetto in Prussian Poland, but his grandfather (whose name, Doremus suspected, had been something less stylish and Nordic than Rotenstern). Louis's pocket heroes were Calvin Coolidge, Leonard Wood, Dwight L. Moody, and Admiral Dewey (and Dewey was a born Vermonter, rejoiced Louis, who himself had been born in Flatbush, Long Island). He was not only 100 per cent American; he exacted 40 per cent of chauvinistic interest on top of the principal. He was on every occasion heard to say, "We ought to keep all these foreigners out of the country, and what I mean, the Kikes just as much as the Wops and Hunkies and Chinks." Louis was altogether convinced that if the ignorant politicians would keep their dirty hands off banking and the stock exchange and hours of labor for salesmen in department stores, then everyone in the country would profit, as beneficiaries of increased business, and all of them (including the retail clerks) be rich as Aga Khan. So Louis put into his melodies not only his burning voice of a Bydgoszcz cantor but all his nationalistic fervor, so that every one joined in the choruses, particularly Mrs. Adelaide Tarr Gimmitch, with her celebrated train-caller's contralto. The dinner broke up in cataract-like sounds of happy adieux, and Doremus Jessup muttered to his goodwife Emma, a solid, kindly, worried soul, who liked knitting, solitaire, and the novels of Kathleen Norris: "Was I terrible, butting in that way?" "Oh, no, Dormouse, you did just right. I am fond of Lorinda Pike, but why does she have to show off and parade all her silly Socialist ideas?" "You old Tory!" said Doremus. "Don't you want to invite the Siamese elephant, the Gimmitch, to drop in and have a drink?" "I do not!" said Emma Jessup. And in the end, as the Rotarians shuffled and dealt themselves and their innumerable motorcars, it was Frank Tasbrough who invited the choicer males, including Doremus, home for an after-party.
2
As he took his wife home and drove up Pleasant Hill to Tasbrough's, Doremus Jessup meditated upon the epidemic patriotism of General Edgeways. But he broke it off to let himself be absorbed in the hills, as it had been his habit for the fifty-three years, out of his sixty years of life, that he had spent in Fort Beulah, Vermont. Legally a city, Fort Beulah was a comfortable village of old red brick, old granite workshops, and houses of white clapboards or gray shingles, with a few smug little modern bungalows, yellow or seal brown. There was but little manufacturing: a small woolen mill, a sash-and-door factory, a pump works. The granite which was its chief produce came from quarries four miles away; in Fort Beulah itself were only the offices . . . all the money . . . the meager shacks of most of the quarry workers. It was a town of perhaps ten thousand souls, inhabiting about twenty thousand bodies--the proportion of soul-possession may be too high. There was but one (comparative) skyscraper in town: the six-story Tasbrough Building, with the offices of the Tasbrough & Scarlett Granite Quarries; the offices of Doremus's son-in-law, Fowler Greenhill, M.D., and his partner, old Dr. Olmsted, of Lawyer Mungo Kitterick, of Harry Kindermann, agent for maple syrup and dairying supplies, and of thirty or forty other village samurai. It was a downy town, a drowsy town, a town of security and tradition, which still believed in Thanksgiving, Fourth of July, Memorial Day, and to which May Day was not an occasion for labor parades but for distributing small baskets of flowers. It was a May night--late in May of 1936--with a three-quarter moon. Doremus's house was a mile from the business-center of Fort Beulah, on Pleasant Hill, which was a spur thrust like a reaching hand out from the dark rearing mass of Mount Terror. Upland meadows, moon-glistening, he could see, among the wildernesses of spruce and maple and poplar on the ridges far above him; and below, as his car climbed, was Ethan Creek flowing through the meadows. Deep woods--rearing mountain bulwarks--the air like spring-water--serene clapboarded houses that remembered the War of 1812 and the boyhoods of those errant Vermonters, Stephen A. Douglas, the "Little Giant," and Hiram Powers and Thaddeus Stevens and Brigham Young and President Chester Alan Arthur. "No--Powers and Arthur--they were weak sisters," pondered Doremus. "But Douglas and Thad Stevens and Brigham, the old stallion--I wonder if we're breeding up any paladins like those stout, grouchy old devils?--if we're producing 'em anywhere in New England?--anywhere in America?--anywhere in the world? They had guts. Independence. Did what they wanted to and thought what they liked, and everybody could go to hell. The youngsters today--Oh, the aviators have plenty of nerve. The physicists, these twenty-five-year-old Ph. D.'s that violate the inviolable atom, they're pioneers. But most of the wishy-washy young people today--Going seventy miles an hour but not going anywhere--not enough imagination to want to go anywhere! Getting their music by turning a dial. Getting their phrases from the comic strips instead of from Shakespeare and the Bible and Veblen and Old Bill Sumner. Pap-fed flabs! Like this smug pup Malcolm Tasbrough, hanging around Sissy! Aah! "Wouldn't it be hell if that stuffed shirt, Edgeways, and that political Mae West, Gimmitch, were right, and we need all these military monkeyshines and maybe a fool war (to conquer some sticky-hot country we don't want on a bet!) to put some starch and git into these marionettes we call our children? Aah! "But rats--These hills! Castle walls. And this air. They can keep their Cotswolds and Harz Mountains and Rockies! D. Jessup--topographical patriot. And I am a--" "Dormouse, would you mind driving on the right-hand side of the road--on curves, anyway?" said his wife peaceably.
An upland hollow and mist beneath the moon--a veil of mist over apple blossoms and the heavy bloom of an ancient lilac bush beside the ruin of a farmhouse burned these sixty years and more.
Mr. Francis Tasbrough was the president, general manager, and chief owner of the Tasbrough & Scarlett Granite Quarries, at West Beulah, four miles from "the Fort." He was rich, persuasive, and he had constant labor troubles. He lived in a new Georgian brick house on Pleasant Hill, a little beyond Doremus Jessup's, and in that house he maintained a private barroom luxurious as that of a motor company's advertising manager at Grosse Point. It was no more the traditional New England than was the Catholic part of Boston; and Frank himself boasted that, though his family had for six generations lived in New England, he was no tight Yankee but in his Efficiency, his Salesmanship, the complete Pan-American Business Executive. He was a tall man, Tasbrough, with a yellow mustache and a monotonously emphatic voice. He was fifty-four, six years younger than Doremus Jessup, and when he had been four, Doremus had protected him from the results of his singularly unpopular habit of hitting the other small boys over the head with things--all kinds of things--sticks and toy wagons and lunch boxes and dry cow flops. Assembled in his private barroom tonight, after the Rotarian Dinner, were Frank himself, Doremus Jessup, Medary Cole, the miller, Superintendent of Schools Emil Staubmeyer, R. C. Crowley--Roscoe Conkling Crowley, the weightiest banker in Fort Beulah--and, rather surprisingly, Tasbrough's pastor, the Episcopal minister, the Rev. Mr. Falck, his old hands as delicate as porcelain, his wilderness of hair silk-soft and white, his unfleshly face betokening the Good Life. Mr. Falck came from a solid Knickerbocker family, and he had studied in Edinburgh and Oxford along with the General Theological Seminary of New York; and in all of the Beulah Valley there was, aside from Doremus, no one who more contentedly hid away in the shelter of the hills. The barroom had been professionally interior-decorated by a young New York gentleman with the habit of standing with the back of his right hand against his hip. It had a stainless-steel bar, framed illustrations from La Vie Parisienne, silvered metal tables, and chromium-plated aluminum chairs with scarlet leather cushions. All of them except Tasbrough, Medary Cole (a social climber to whom the favors of Frank Tasbrough were as honey and fresh ripened figs), and "Professor" Emil Staubmeyer were uncomfortable in this parrot-cage elegance, but none of them, including Mr. Falck, seemed to dislike Frank's soda and excellent Scotch or the sardine sandwiches. "And I wonder if Thad Stevens would of liked this, either?" considered Doremus. "He'd of snarled. Old cornered catamount. But probably not at the whisky!"
"Doremus," demanded Tasbrough, "why don't you take a tumble to yourself? All these years you've had a lot of fun criticizing--always being agin the government--kidding everybody--posing as such a Liberal that you'll stand for all these subversive elements. Time for you to quit playing tag with crazy ideas and come in and join the family. These are serious times--maybe twenty-eight million on relief, and beginning to get ugly--thinking they've got a vested right now to be supported. "And the Jew Communists and Jew financiers plotting together to control the country. I can understand how, as a younger fellow, you could pump up a little sympathy for the unions and even for the Jews--though, as you know, I'll never get over being sore at you for taking the side of the strikers when those thugs were trying to ruin my whole business--burn down my polishing and cutting shops--why, you were even friendly with that alien murderer Karl Pascal, who started the whole strike--maybe I didn't enjoy firing him when it was all over! "But anyway, these labor racketeers are getting together now, with Communist leaders, and determined to run the country--to tell men like me how to run our business!--and just like General Edgeways said, they'll refuse to serve their country if we should happen to get dragged into some war. Yessir, a mighty serious hour, and it's time for you to cut the cackle and join the really responsible citizens." Said Doremus, "Hm. Yes, I agree it's a serious time. With all the discontent there is in the country to wash him into office, Senator Windrip has got an excellent chance to be elected President, next November, and if he is, probably his gang of buzzards will get us into some war, just to grease their insane vanity and show the world that we're the huskiest nation going. And then I, the Liberal, and you, the Plutocrat, the bogus Tory, will be led out and shot at 3 A.M. Serious? Huh!" "Rats! You're exaggerating!" said R. C. Crowley. Doremus went on: "If Bishop Prang, our Savonarola in a Cadillac 16, swings his radio audience and his League of Forgotten Men to Buzz Windrip, Buzz will win. People will think they're electing him to create more economic security. Then watch the Terror! God knows there's been enough indication that we can have tyranny in America--the fix of the Southern share-croppers, the working conditions of the miners and garment-makers, and our keeping Mooney in prison so many years. But wait till Windrip shows us how to say it with machine guns! Democracy--here and in Britain and France, it hasn't been so universal a sniveling slavery as Naziism in Germany, such an imagination-hating, pharisaic materialism as Russia--even if it has produced industrialists like you, Frank, and bankers like you, R. C., and given you altogether too much power and money. On the whole, with scandalous exceptions, Democracy's given the ordinary worker more dignity than he ever had. That may be menaced now by Windrip--all the Windrips. All right! Maybe we'll have to fight paternal dictatorship with a little sound patricide--fight machine guns with machine guns. Wait till Buzz takes charge of us. A real Fascist dictatorship!" "Nonsense! Nonsense!" snorted Tasbrough. "That couldn't happen here in America, not possibly! We're a country of freemen." "The answer to that," suggested Doremus Jessup, "if Mr. Falck will forgive me, is 'the hell it can't!' Why, there's no country in the world that can get more hysterical--yes, or more obsequious!--than America. Look how Huey Long became absolute monarch over Louisiana, and how the Right Honorable Mr. Senator Berzelius Windrip owns his State. Listen to Bishop Prang and Father Coughlin on the radio--divine oracles, to millions. Remember how casually most Americans have accepted Tammany grafting and Chicago gangs and the crookedness of so many of President Harding's appointees? Could Hitler's bunch, or Windrip's, be worse? Remember the Kuklux Klan? Remember our war hysteria, when we called sauerkraut 'Liberty cabbage' and somebody actually proposed calling German measles 'Liberty measles'? And wartime censorship of honest papers? Bad as Russia! Remember our kissing the--well, the feet of Billy Sunday, the million-dollar evangelist, and of Aimée McPherson, who swam from the Pacific Ocean clear into the Arizona desert and got away with it? Remember Voliva and Mother Eddy? . . . Remember our Red scares and our Catholic scares, when all well-informed people knew that the O.G.P.U. were hiding out in Oskaloosa, and the Republicans campaigning against Al Smith told the Carolina mountaineers that if Al won the Pope would illegitimatize their children? Remember Tom Heflin and Tom Dixon? Remember when the hick legislators in certain states, in obedience to William Jennings Bryan, who learned his biology from his pious old grandma, set up shop as scientific experts and made the whole world laugh itself sick by forbidding the teaching of evolution? . . . Remember the Kentucky night-riders? Remember how trainloads of people have gone to enjoy lynchings? Not happen here? Prohibition--shooting down people just because they might be transporting liquor--no, that couldn't happen in America! Why, where in all history has there ever been a people so ripe for a dictatorship as ours! We're ready to start on a Children's Crusade--only of adults--right now, and the Right Reverend Abbots Windrip and Prang are all ready to lead it!" "Well, what if they are?" protested R. C. Crowley. "It might not be so bad. I don't like all these irresponsible attacks on us bankers all the time. Of course, Senator Windrip has to pretend publicly to bawl the banks out, but once he gets into power he'll give the banks their proper influence in the administration and take our expert financial advice. Yes. Why are you so afraid of the word 'Fascism,' Doremus? Just a word--just a word! And might not be so bad, with all the lazy bums we got panhandling relief nowadays, and living on my income tax and yours--not so worse to have a real Strong Man, like Hitler or Mussolini--like Napoleon or Bismarck in the good old days--and have 'em really run the country and make it efficient and prosperous again. 'Nother words, have a doctor who won't take any back-chat, but really boss the patient and make him get well whether he likes it or not!" "Yes!" said Emil Staubmeyer. "Didn't Hitler save Germany from the Red Plague of Marxism? I got cousins there. I know!" "Hm," said Doremus, as often Doremus did say it. "Cure the evils of Democracy by the evils of Fascism! Funny therapeutics. I've heard of their curing syphilis by giving the patient malaria, but I've never heard of their curing malaria by giving the patient syphilis!" "Think that's nice language to use in the presence of the Reverend Falck?" raged Tasbrough. Mr. Falck piped up, "I think it's quite nice language, and an interesting suggestion, Brother Jessup!" "Besides," said Tasbrough, "this chewing the rag is all nonsense, anyway. As Crowley says, might be a good thing to have a strong man in the saddle, but--it just can't happen here in America." And it seemed to Doremus that the softly moving lips of the Reverend Mr. Falck were framing, "The hell it can't!"
3
Doremus jessup, editor and proprietor of the Daily Informer, the Bible of the conservative Vermont farmers up and down the Beulah Valley, was born in Fort Beulah in 1876, only son of an impecunious Universalist pastor, the Reverend Loren Jessup. His mother was no less than a Bass, of Massachusetts. The Reverend Loren, a bookish man and fond of flowers, merry but not noticeably witty, used to chant "Alas, alas, that a Bass of Mass should marry a minister prone to gas," and he would insist that she was all wrong ichthyologically--she should have been a cod, not a bass. There was in the parsonage little meat but plenty of books, not all theological by any means, so that before he was twelve Doremus knew the profane writings of Scott, Dickens, Thackeray, Jane Austen, Tennyson, Byron, Keats, Shelley, Tolstoy, Balzac. He graduated from Isaiah College--once a bold Unitarian venture but by 1894 an inter-denominational outfit with nebulous trinitarian yearnings, a small and rustic stable of learning, in North Beulah, thirteen miles from "the Fort." But Isaiah College has come up in the world today--excepting educationally--for in 1931 it held the Dartmouth football team down to 64 to 6. During college, Doremus wrote a great deal of bad poetry and became an incurable book addict, but he was a fair track athlete. Naturally, he corresponded for papers in Boston and Springfield, and after graduation he was a reporter in Rutland and Worcester, with one glorious year in Boston, whose grimy beauty and shards of the past were to him what London would be to a young Yorkshireman. He was excited by concerts, art galleries, and bookshops; thrice a week he had a twenty-five-cent seat in the upper balcony of some theater; and for two months he roomed with a fellow reporter who had actually had a short story in The Century and who could talk about authors and technique like the very dickens. But Doremus was not particularly beefy or enduring, and the noise, the traffic, the bustle of assignments, exhausted him, and in 1901, three years after his graduation from college, when his widowed father died and left him $2980.00 and his library, Doremus went home to Fort Beulah and bought a quarter interest in the Informer, then a weekly. By 1936 it was a daily, and he owned all of it . . . with a perceptible mortgage. He was an equable and sympathetic boss; an imaginative news detective; he was, even in this ironbound Republican state, independent in politics; and in his editorials against graft and injustice, though they were not fanatically chronic, he could slash like a dog whip. He was a third cousin of Calvin Coolidge, who had considered him sound domestically but loose politically. Doremus considered himself just the opposite. He had married his wife, Emma, out of Fort Beulah. She was the daughter of a wagon manufacturer, a placid, prettyish, broad-shouldered girl with whom he had gone to high school. Now, in 1936, of their three children, Philip (Dartmouth, and Harvard Law School) was married and ambitiously practicing law in Worcester; Mary was the wife of Fowler Greenhill, M.D., of Fort Beulah, a gay and hustling medico, a choleric and red-headed young man, who was a wonder-worker in typhoid, acute appendicitis, obstetrics, compound fractures, and diets for anemic children. Fowler and Mary had one son, Doremus's only grandchild, the bonny David, who at eight was a timid, inventive, affectionate child with such mourning hound-dog eyes and such red-gold hair that his picture might well have been hung at a National Academy show or even been reproduced on the cover of a Women's Magazine with 2,500,000 circulation. The Greenhills' neighbors inevitably said of the boy, "My, Davy's got such an imagination, hasn't he! I guess he'll be a Writer, just like his Grampa!" Third of Doremus's children was the gay, the pert, the dancing Cecilia, known as "Sissy," aged eighteen, where her brother Philip was thirty-two and Mary, Mrs. Greenhill, turned thirty. She rejoiced the heart of Doremus by consenting to stay home while she was finishing high school, though she talked vigorously of going off to study architecture and "simply make millions, my dear," by planning and erecting miraculous small homes. Mrs. Jessup was lavishly (and quite erroneously) certain that her Philip was the spit and image of the Prince of Wales; Philip's wife, Merilla (the fair daughter of Worcester, Massachusetts), curiously like the Princess Marina; that Mary would by any stranger be taken for Katharine Hepburn; that Sissy was a dryad and David a medieval page; and that Doremus (though she knew him better than she did those changelings, her children) amazingly resembled that naval hero, Winfield Scott Schley, as he looked in 1898. She was a loyal woman, Emma Jessup, warmly generous, a cordon bleu at making lemon-meringue pie, a parochial Tory, an orthodox Episcopalian, and completely innocent of any humor. Doremus was perpetually tickled by her kind solemnity, and it was to be chalked down to him as a singular act of grace that he refrained from pretending that he had become a working Communist and was thinking of leaving for Moscow immediately.
Doremus looked depressed, looked old, when he lifted himself, as from an invalid's chair, out of the Chrysler, in his hideous garage of cement and galvanized iron. (But it was a proud two-car garage; besides the four-year-old Chrysler, they had a new Ford convertible coupe, which Doremus hoped to drive some day when Sissy wasn't using it.) He cursed competently as, on the cement walk from the garage to the kitchen, he barked his shins on the lawn-mower, left there by his hired man, one Oscar Ledue, known always as "Shad," a large and red-faced, a sulky and surly Irish-Canuck peasant. Shad always did things like leaving lawnmowers about to snap at the shins of decent people. He was entirely incompetent and vicious. He never edged-up the flower beds, he kept his stinking old cap on his head when he brought in logs for the fireplace, he did not scythe the dandelions in the meadow till they had gone to seed, he delighted in failing to tell cook that the peas were now ripe, and he was given to shooting cats, stray dogs, chipmunks, and honey-voiced blackbirds. At least twice a day, Doremus resolved to fire him, but--Perhaps he was telling himself the truth when he insisted that it was amusing to try to civilize this prize bull. Doremus trotted into the kitchen, decided that he did not want some cold chicken and a glass of milk from the ice-box, nor even a wedge of the celebrated cocoanut layer cake made by their cook-general, Mrs. Candy, and mounted to his "study," on the third, the attic floor. His house was an ample, white, clapboarded structure of the vintage of 1880, a square bulk with a mansard roof and, in front, a long porch with insignificant square white pillars. Doremus declared that the house was ugly, "but ugly in a nice way." His study, up there, was his one perfect refuge from annoyances and bustle. It was the only room in the house that Mrs. Candy (quiet, grimly competent, thoroughly literate, once a Vermont country schoolteacher) was never allowed to clean. It was an endearing mess of novels, copies of the Congressional Record, of the New Yorker, Time, Nation, New Republic, New Masses, and Speculum (cloistral organ of the Medieval Society), treatises on taxation and monetary systems, road maps, volumes on exploration in Abyssinia and the Antarctic, chewed stubs of pencils, a shaky portable typewriter, fishing tackle, rumpled carbon paper, two comfortable old leather chairs, a Windsor chair at his desk, the complete works of Thomas Jefferson, his chief hero, a microscope and a collection of Vermont butterflies, Indian arrowheads, exiguous volumes of Vermont village poetry printed in local newspaper offices, the Bible, the Koran, the Book of Mormon, Science and Health, Selections from the Mahabharata, the poetry of Sandburg, Frost, Masters, Jeffers, Ogden Nash, Edgar Guest, Omar Khayyam, and Milton, a shotgun and a .22 repeating rifle, an Isaiah College banner, faded, the complete Oxford Dictionary, five fountain pens of which two would work, a vase from Crete dating from 327 B.C.--very ugly--the World Almanac for year before last, with the cover suggesting that it had been chewed by a dog, odd pairs of horn-rimmed spectacles and of rimless eyeglasses, none of which now suited his eyes, a fine, reputedly Tudor oak cabinet from Devonshire, portraits of Ethan Allen and Thaddeus Stevens, rubber wading-boots, senile red morocco slippers, a poster issued by the Vermont Mercury at Woodstock, on September 2, 1840, announcing a glorious Whig victory, twenty-four boxes of safety matches one by one stolen from the kitchen, assorted yellow scratch pads, seven books on Russia and Bolshevism--extraordinarily pro or extraordinarily con--a signed photograph of Theodore Roosevelt, six cigarette cartons, all half empty (according to the tradition of journalistic eccentrics, Doremus should have smoked a Good Old Pipe, but he detested the slimy ooze of nicotine-soaked spittle), a rag carpet on the floor, a withered sprig of holly with a silver Christmas ribbon, a case of seven unused genuine Sheffield razors, dictionaries in French, German, Italian and Spanish--the first of which languages he really could read--a canary in a Bavarian gilded wicker cage, a worn linen-bound copy of Old Hearthside Songs for Home and Picnic whose selections he was wont to croon, holding the book on his knee, and an old cast-iron Franklin stove. Everything, indeed, that was proper for a hermit and improper for impious domestic hands. Before switching on the light he squinted through a dormer window at the bulk of mountains cutting the welter of stars. In the center were the last lights of Fort Beulah, far below, and on the left, unseen, the soft meadows, the old farmhouses, the great dairy barns of the Ethan Mowing. It was a kind country, cool and clear as a shaft of light and, he meditated, he loved it more every quiet year of his freedom from city towers and city clamor. One of the few times when Mrs. Candy, their housekeeper, was permitted to enter his hermit's cell was to leave there, on the long table, his mail. He picked it up and started to read briskly, standing by the table. (Time to go to bed! Too much chatter and bellyaching, this evening! Good Lord! Past midnight!) He sighed then, and sat in his Windsor chair, leaning his elbows on the table and studiously reading the first letter over again. It was from Victor Loveland, one of the younger, more international-minded teachers in Doremus's old school, Isaiah College.
DEAR DR. JESSUP: ("Hm. 'Dr. Jessup.' Not me, m' lad. The only honorary degree I'll ever get'll be Master in Veterinary Surgery or Laureate in Embalming.") A very dangerous situation has arisen here at Isaiah and those of us who are trying to advocate something like integrity and modernity are seriously worried--not, probably, that we need to be long, as we shall probably all get fired. Where two years ago most of our students just laughed at any idea of military drilling, they have gone warlike in a big way, with undergrads drilling with rifles, machine guns, and cute little blueprints of tanks and planes all over the place. Two of them, voluntarily, are going down to Rutland every week to take training in flying, avowedly to get ready for wartime aviation. When I cautiously ask them what the dickens war they are preparing for they just scratch and indicate they don't care much, so long as they can get a chance to show what virile proud gents they are. Well, we've got used to that. But just this afternoon--the newspapers haven't got this yet--the Board of Trustees, including Mr. Francis Tasbrough and our president, Dr. Owen Peaseley, met and voted a resolution that--now listen to this, will you, Dr. Jessup--"Any member of the faculty or student body of Isaiah who shall in any way, publicly or privately, in print, writing, or by the spoken word, adversely criticize military training at or by Isaiah College, or in any other institution of learning in the United States, or by the state militias, federal forces, or other officially recognized military organizations in this country, shall be liable to immediate dismissal from this college, and any student who shall, with full and proper proof, bring to the attention of the President or any Trustee of the college such malign criticism by any person whatever connected in any way with the institution shall receive extra credits in his course in military training, such credits to apply to the number of credits necessary for graduation." What can we do with such fast exploding Fascism? VICTOR LOVELAND.
And Loveland, teacher of Greek, Latin, and Sanskrit (two lone students) had never till now meddled in any politics of more recent date than A.D. 180.
"So Frank was there at Trustees' meeting, and didn't dare tell me," Doremus sighed. "Encouraging them to become spies. Gestapo. Oh, my dear Frank, this a serious time! You, my good bonehead, for once you said it! President Owen J. Peaseley, the bagged-faced, pious, racketeering, damned hedge-schoolmaster! But what can I do? Oh--write another editorial viewing-with-alarm, I suppose!" He plumped into a deep chair and sat fidgeting, like a bright-eyed, apprehensive little bird. On the door was a tearing sound, imperious, demanding. He opened to admit Foolish, the family dog. Foolish was a reliable combination of English setter, Airedale, cocker spaniel, wistful doe, and rearing hyena. He gave one abrupt snort of welcome and nuzzled his brown satin head against Doremus's knee. His bark awakened the canary, under the absurd old blue sweater that covered its cage, and it automatically caroled that it was noon, summer noon, among the pear trees in the green Harz hills, none of which was true. But the bird's trilling, the dependable presence of Foolish, comforted Doremus, made military drill and belching politicians seem unimportant, and in security he dropped asleep in the worn brown leather chair.
4
All this June week, Doremus was waiting for 2 P.M. on Saturday, the divinely appointed hour of the weekly prophetic broadcast by Bishop Paul Peter Prang. Now, six weeks before the 1936 national conventions, it was probable that neither Franklin Roosevelt, Herbert Hoover, Senator Vandenberg, Ogden Mills, General Hugh Johnson, Colonel Frank Knox, nor Senator Borah would be nominated for President by either party, and that the Republican standard-bearer--meaning the one man who never has to lug a large, bothersome, and somewhat ridiculous standard--would be that loyal yet strangely honest old-line Senator, Walt Trowbridge, a man with a touch of Lincoln in him, dashes of Will Rogers and George W. Norris, a suspected trace of Jim Farley, but all the rest plain, bulky, placidly defiant Walt Trowbridge. Few men doubted that the Democratic candidate would be that sky-rocket, Senator Berzelius Windrip--that is to say, Windrip as the mask and bellowing voice, with his satanic secretary, Lee Sarason, as the brain behind. Senator Windrip's father was a small-town Western druggist, equally ambitious and unsuccessful, and had named him Berzelius after the Swedish chemist. Usually he was known as "Buzz." He had worked his way through a Southern Baptist college, of approximately the same academic standing as a Jersey City business college, and through a Chicago law school, and settled down to practice in his native state and to enliven local politics. He was a tireless traveler, a boisterous and humorous speaker, an inspired guesser at what political doctrines the people would like, a warm handshaker, and willing to lend money. He drank Coca-Cola with the Methodists, beer with the Lutherans, California white wine with the Jewish village merchants--and, when they were safe from observation, white-mule corn whisky with all of them. Within twenty years he was as absolute a ruler of his state as ever a sultan was of Turkey. He was never governor; he had shrewdly seen that his reputation for research among planters-punch recipes, varieties of poker, and the psychology of girl stenographers might cause his defeat by the church people, so he had contented himself with coaxing to the gubernatorial shearing a trained baa-lamb of a country schoolmaster whom he had gayly led on a wide blue ribbon. The state was certain that he had "given it a good administration," and they knew that it was Buzz Windrip who was responsible, not the Governor. Windrip caused the building of impressive highroads and of consolidated country schools; he made the state buy tractors and combines and lend them to the farmers at cost. He was certain that some day America would have vast business dealings with the Russians and, though he detested all Slavs, he made the State University put in the first course in the Russian language that had been known in all that part of the West. His most original invention was quadrupling the state militia and rewarding the best soldiers in it with training in agriculture, aviation, and radio and automobile engineering. The militiamen considered him their general and their god, and when the state attorney general announced that he was going to have Windrip indicted for having grafted $200,000 of tax money, the militia rose to Buzz Windrip's orders as though they were his private army and, occupying the legislative chambers and all the state offices, and covering the streets leading to the Capitol with machine guns, they herded Buzz's enemies out of town. He took the United States Senatorship as though it were his manorial right, and for six years, his only rival as the most bouncing and feverish man in the Senate had been the late Huey Long of Louisiana. He preached the comforting gospel of so redistributing wealth that every person in the country would have several thousand dollars a year (monthly Buzz changed his prediction as to how many thousand), while all the rich men were nevertheless to be allowed enough to get along, on a maximum of $500,000 a year. So everybody was happy in the prospect of Windrip's becoming president. The Reverend Dr. Egerton Schlemil, dean of St. Agnes Cathedral, San Antonio, Texas, stated (once in a sermon, once in the slightly variant mimeographed press handout on the sermon, and seven times in interviews) that Buzz's coming into power would be "like the Heaven-blest fall of revivifying rain upon a parched and thirsty land." Dr. Schlemil did not say anything about what happened when the blest rain came and kept falling steadily for four years. No one, even among the Washington correspondents, seemed to know precisely how much of a part in Senator Windrip's career was taken by his secretary, Lee Sarason. When Windrip had first seized power in his state, Sarason had been managing editor of the most widely circulated paper in all that part of the country. Sarason's genesis was and remained a mystery. It was said that he had been born in Georgia, in Minnesota, on the East Side of New York, in Syria; that he was pure Yankee, Jewish, Charleston Huguenot. It was known that he had been a singularly reckless lieutenant of machine-gunners as a youngster during the Great War, and that he had stayed over, ambling about Europe, for three or four years; that he had worked on the Paris edition of the New York Herald; nibbled at painting and at Black Magic in Florence and Munich; had a few sociological months at the London School of Economics; associated with decidedly curious people in arty Berlin night restaurants. Returned home, Sarason had become decidedly the "hard-boiled reporter" of the shirt-sleeved tradition, who asserted that he would rather be called a prostitute than anything so sissified as "journalist." But it was suspected that nevertheless he still retained the ability to read. He had been variously a Socialist and an anarchist. Even in 1936 there were rich people who asserted that Sarason was "too radical," but actually he had lost his trust (if any) in the masses during the hoggish nationalism after the war; and he believed now only in resolute control by a small oligarchy. In this he was a Hitler, a Mussolini. Sarason was lanky and drooping, with thin flaxen hair, and thick lips in a bony face. His eyes were sparks at the bottoms of two dark wells. In his long hands there was bloodless strength. He used to surprise persons who were about to shake hands with him by suddenly bending their fingers back till they almost broke. Most people didn't much like it. As a newspaperman he was an expert of the highest grade. He could smell out a husband-murder, the grafting of a politician--that is to say, of a politician belonging to a gang opposed by his paper--the torture of animals or children, and this last sort of story he liked to write himself, rather than hand it to a reporter, and when he did write it, you saw the moldy cellar, heard the whip, felt the slimy blood. Compared with Lee Sarason as a newspaperman, little Doremus Jessup of Fort Beulah was like a village parson compared with the twenty-thousand-dollar minister of a twenty-story New York institutional tabernacle with radio affiliations. Senator Windrip had made Sarason, officially, his secretary, but he was known to be much more--bodyguard, ghost-writer, press-agent, economic adviser; and in Washington, Lee Sarason became the man most consulted and least liked by newspaper correspondents in the whole Senate Office Building. Windrip was a young forty-eight in 1936; Sarason an aged and sagging-cheeked forty-one. Though he probably based it on notes dictated by Windrip--himself no fool in the matter of fictional imagination--Sarason had certainly done the actual writing of Windrip's lone book, the Bible of his followers, part biography, part economic program, and part plain exhibitionistic boasting, called Zero Hour--Over the Top. It was a salty book and contained more suggestions for remolding the world than the three volumes of Karl Marx and all the novels of H. G. Wells put together. Perhaps the most familiar, most quoted paragraph of Zero Hour, beloved by the provincial press because of its simple earthiness (as written by an initiate in Rosicrucian lore, named Sarason) was:
"When I was a little shaver back in the corn fields, we kids used to just wear one-strap suspenders on our pants, and we called them the Galluses on our Britches, but they held them up and saved our modesty just as much as if we had put on a high-toned Limey accent and talked about Braces and Trousers. That's how the whole world of what they call 'scientific economics' is like. The Marxians think that by writing of Galluses as Braces, they've got something that knocks the stuffings out of the old-fashioned ideas of Washington and Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton. Well and all, I sure believe in using every new economic discovery, like they have been worked out in the so-called Fascist countries, like Italy and Germany and Hungary and Poland--yes, by thunder, and even in Japan--we probably will have to lick those Little Yellow Men some day, to keep them from pinching our vested and rightful interests in China, but don't let that keep us from grabbing off any smart ideas that those cute little beggars have worked out! "I want to stand up on my hind legs and not just admit but frankly holler right out that we've got to change our system a lot, maybe even change the whole Constitution (but change it legally, and not by violence) to bring it up from the horseback-and-corduroy-road epoch to the automobile-and-cement-highway period of today. The Executive has got to have a freer hand and be able to move quick in an emergency, and not be tied down by a lot of dumb shyster-lawyer congressmen taking months to shoot off their mouths in debates. BUT--and it's a But as big as Deacon Checkerboard's hay-barn back home--these new economic changes are only a means to an End, and that End is and must be, fundamentally, the same principles of Liberty, Equality, and Justice that were advocated by the Founding Fathers of this great land back in 1776!"
The most confusing thing about the whole campaign of 1936 was the relationship of the two leading parties. Old-Guard Republicans complained that their proud party was begging for office, hat in hand; veteran Democrats that their traditional Covered Wagons were jammed with college professors, city slickers, and yachtsmen. The rival to Senator Windrip in public reverence was a political titan who seemed to have no itch for office--the Reverend Paul Peter Prang, of Persepolis, Indiana, Bishop of the Methodist Episcopal Church, a man perhaps ten years older than Windrip. His weekly radio address, at 2 P.M. every Saturday, was to millions the very oracle of God. So supernatural was this voice from the air that for it men delayed their golf, and women even postponed their Saturday afternoon contract bridge. It was Father Charles Coughlin, of Detroit, who had first thought out the device of freeing himself from any censorship of his political sermons on the Mount by "buying his own time on the air"--it being only in the twentieth century that mankind has been able to buy Time as it buys soap and gasoline. This invention was almost equal, in its effect on all American life and thought, to Henry Ford's early conception of selling cars cheap to millions of people, instead of selling a few as luxuries. But to the pioneer Father Coughlin, Bishop Paul Peter Prang was as the Ford V-8 to the Model A. Prang was more sentimental than Coughlin; he shouted more; he agonized more; he reviled more enemies by name, and rather scandalously; he told more funny stories, and ever so many more tragic stories about the repentant deathbeds of bankers, atheists, and Communists. His voice was more nasally native, and he was pure Middle West, with a New England Protestant Scotch-English ancestry, where Coughlin was always a little suspect, in the Sears-Roebuck regions, as a Roman Catholic with an agreeable Irish accent. No man in history has ever had such an audience as Bishop Prang, nor so much apparent power. When he demanded that his auditors telegraph their congressmen to vote on a bill as he, Prang, ex cathedra and alone, without any college of cardinals, had been inspired to believe they ought to vote, then fifty thousand people would telephone, or drive through back-hill mud, to the nearest telegraph office and in His name give their commands to the government. Thus, by the magic of electricity, Prang made the position of any king in history look a little absurd and tinseled. To millions of League members he sent mimeographed letters with facsimile signature, and with the salutation so craftily typed in that they rejoiced in a personal greeting from the Founder. Doremus Jessup, up in the provincial hills, could never quite figure out just what political gospel it was that Bishop Prang thundered from his Sinai which, with its microphone and typed revelations timed to the split-second, was so much more snappy and efficient than the original Sinai. In detail, he preached nationalization of the banks, mines, waterpower, and transportation; limitation of incomes; increased wages, strengthening of the labor unions, more fluid distribution of consumer goods. But everybody was nibbling at those noble doctrines now, from Virginia Senators to Minnesota Farmer-Laborites, with no one being so credulous as to expect any of them to be carried out. There was a theory around some place that Prang was only the humble voice of his vast organization, "The League of Forgotten Men." It was universally believed to have (though no firm of chartered accountants had yet examined its rolls) twenty-seven million members, along with proper assortments of national officers and state officers, and town officers and hordes of committees with stately names like "National Committee on the Compilation of Statistics on Unemployment and Normal Employability in the Soy-Bean Industry." Hither and yon, Bishop Prang, not as the still small vo |
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Date: May 8th, 2006 3:50 PM Author: No I win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5742981) |
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Date: May 18th, 2006 8:56 PM Author: Post Finals victory (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5811916) |
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Date: May 28th, 2006 1:02 AM Author: Winning now means you get the My Humps ad! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5867740) |
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Date: May 28th, 2006 2:46 AM Author: I am the winnar? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5868191) |
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Date: June 2nd, 2006 12:07 PM Author: I AM THE LAST ONE! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5893307) |
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Date: June 2nd, 2006 12:10 PM Author: i don't think so. |
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Date: June 2nd, 2006 12:11 PM Author: Holy shit I cant believe I won. Im speechless (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5893342) |
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Date: June 2nd, 2006 12:14 PM Author: bump
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Date: June 10th, 2006 4:29 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus As long as we're already here. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5952199) |
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Date: June 15th, 2006 1:42 AM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig the frequency of bumps has decreased dramatically for the little attn whore thread that could :( (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5990322) |
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Date: June 15th, 2006 1:44 AM Author: Avocado native idiot Actually, I think this is a good thing. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#5990343) |
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Date: June 19th, 2006 4:58 PM Author: Ding! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6021612) |
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Date: June 19th, 2006 5:00 PM Author: WOO HOO! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6021624) |
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Date: June 19th, 2006 5:01 PM Author: I'd like to thank the academy, for helping me win this prestigious award. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6021629) |
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Date: June 19th, 2006 5:03 PM Author: DING! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6021640) |
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Date: June 19th, 2006 5:10 PM Author: Winner. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6021686) |
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Date: June 19th, 2006 7:12 PM Author: GTO delete this thread right fucking now!!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!!111! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6022764) |
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Date: June 25th, 2006 10:36 AM Author: razzmatazz fear-inspiring church building Weeeeeeeeee've got a winner. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6066530) |
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Date: June 25th, 2006 10:37 AM Author: Naked Station Newt nope (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6066534) |
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Date: June 25th, 2006 10:47 AM Author: *coughs* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6066540) |
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Date: June 26th, 2006 3:56 PM Author: winner! ty ty ty (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6076089) |
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Date: June 26th, 2006 4:00 PM Author: lime metal multi-billionaire coffee pot SHOW ME THE MONEY (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6076130) |
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Date: June 30th, 2006 5:53 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus Was it really worth it? Well...was it? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6109488) |
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Date: July 11th, 2006 12:12 AM Author: Please let the fucking server crash right now. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6183551) |
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Date: July 11th, 2006 12:14 AM Author: maybe GTO will have had enough and declare a winner.
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Date: July 11th, 2006 12:17 AM Author: GTO would make sure he had the last post before he did that. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6183588) |
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Date: July 20th, 2006 12:38 AM Author: Turquoise Narrow-minded Brunch underrated post. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6254302) |
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Date: July 11th, 2006 12:16 AM Author: 1215
Zidane bytes |
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Date: July 16th, 2006 5:13 PM Author: and the rat race continues!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6226500) |
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Date: July 16th, 2006 9:41 PM Author: Today's my lucky day. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6228313) |
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Date: July 20th, 2006 12:31 AM Author: Beady-eyed abusive market The University of Virginia Law School (UVA) is VERY racist http://www.lawschooldiscussion.org http://www.match.com |
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Date: July 20th, 2006 1:39 AM Author: O RLY? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6254675) |
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Date: July 20th, 2006 1:41 AM Author: BOOYAH! i won (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6254686) |
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Date: July 20th, 2006 1:44 AM Author: Mildly autistic POGS ARE DEaD (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6254697) |
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Date: July 27th, 2006 3:17 PM Author: I love this thread! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6314941) |
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Date: July 27th, 2006 3:19 PM Author: im winning (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6314955) |
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Date: July 27th, 2006 3:21 PM Author: mahogany i'm not going to win because i have no way of insuring that no one posts after me. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6314972) |
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Date: July 27th, 2006 3:24 PM Author: indeed (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6315001) |
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Date: July 27th, 2006 3:50 PM Author: I win because after I post, I will kill myself. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6315218) |
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Date: July 27th, 2006 4:14 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig i have been posting here far too long (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6315413) |
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Date: July 27th, 2006 4:23 PM Author: WELLOVERTWOYEARSOFYOURLIFEWASTEDANDTHISISALLYOUHAVETOSHOWFORITPWN3D!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6315474) |
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Date: July 31st, 2006 11:54 AM Author: currently winning. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6343620) |
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Date: August 4th, 2006 9:27 AM Author: Four days! That's quite a run. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6375240) |
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Date: August 27th, 2006 11:59 AM Author: Magenta bam (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6509399) |
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Date: August 27th, 2006 12:01 PM Author: Disturbing Private Investor I win, bitches (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6509413) |
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Date: August 27th, 2006 10:35 PM Author: O RLY?!? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6512824) |
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Date: October 8th, 2006 12:46 PM Author: irradiated mood Just gonna sneak this in here while everyone is busy with football. Yessss (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6749754) |
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Date: October 8th, 2006 12:49 PM Author: pwn3d. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6749772) |
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Date: October 8th, 2006 12:50 PM Author: Disturbing Private Investor oh, haven't posted here for a while (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6749777) |
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Date: October 8th, 2006 12:52 PM Author: Coral DIE BANDWIDTH DIE!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAA!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6749786) |
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Date: October 8th, 2006 12:58 PM Author: Magenta (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6749823) |
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Date: October 8th, 2006 1:08 PM Author: ah, what the hell (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6749870) |
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Date: October 8th, 2006 1:15 PM Author: Awesome! What do I get? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6749905) |
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Date: October 8th, 2006 1:16 PM Author: ANother post. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6749914) |
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Date: October 8th, 2006 1:19 PM Author: I am the grand master flash champion of double solitaire in China!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6749924) |
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Date: October 20th, 2006 1:17 AM Author: Striped hyena (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6821899) |
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Date: October 20th, 2006 2:15 AM Author: I had eight days! Date: June 2nd, 2006 12:14 PM Author: Doogie (My cat can eat a whole watermelon)
bump
(Last person to respond to this thread wins)
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Date: June 10th, 2006 4:29 AM Author: Aids? Care?
As long as we're already here.
(Last person to respond to this thread wins)
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Date: October 20th, 2006 2:33 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus Aids?
Care? |
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Date: October 26th, 2006 10:02 AM Author: Magenta ... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6861311) |
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Date: October 26th, 2006 11:51 AM Author: (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6861704) |
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Date: October 26th, 2006 11:59 AM Author: ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6861738) |
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Date: October 27th, 2006 9:00 AM Author: aznaznazn's thread is now officially the longest in XOXO history (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6869026) |
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Date: November 13th, 2006 2:08 PM Author: saffron bossy degenerate 1254: baff for unreads. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#6983510) |
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Date: November 17th, 2006 4:14 PM Author: "BOOM!" goes the dynamite. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7013316) |
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Date: November 17th, 2006 4:16 PM Author: Subject: Appropriate Ending http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7vFXB-vd1U (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7013324) |
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Date: December 1st, 2006 6:34 AM Author: Meet me in da cluuuubb. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7108882) |
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Date: December 1st, 2006 7:04 AM Author: "To this thread"
I win! |
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Date: December 17th, 2006 5:11 AM Author: pungent boiling water *somersaults gracefully through thread* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7240796) |
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Date: January 5th, 2007 11:54 PM Author: Appetizing self-centered halford codepig doesnt anybody care about my one good thread anymore? :( (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7360042) |
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Date: January 6th, 2007 2:45 AM Author: The first time i've ever won at anything! YAY! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7361213) |
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Date: January 31st, 2007 5:27 AM Author: FIGHT
FOR YOUR RIGHT
TO PAAAR-TY |
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Date: January 31st, 2007 6:34 PM Author: Claret cowardly telephone i win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7520137) |
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Date: January 31st, 2007 6:36 PM Author: no i win!!!!!!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7520153) |
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Date: January 31st, 2007 6:41 PM Author: Claret cowardly telephone me! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7520181) |
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Date: January 31st, 2007 9:31 PM Author: Nowag Me! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7521289) |
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Date: January 31st, 2007 10:08 PM Author: Opening this thread always lags my computer a little. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7521559) |
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Date: February 7th, 2007 5:12 AM Author: Time for a new one. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7559387) |
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Date: February 7th, 2007 5:16 AM Author: each of you will die off one by one, and the flying hellfish treasure will be mine. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7559389) |
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Date: February 7th, 2007 8:08 AM Author: Can I have some of this treasure? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7559467) |
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Date: February 18th, 2007 5:20 PM Author: bump. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7625809) |
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Date: March 6th, 2007 7:33 PM Author: (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7718767) |
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Date: March 6th, 2007 7:35 PM Author: ruinous phenotype (in Chinatown, hung over) pleafe bear witnefs to my brief victory. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7718772) |
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Date: March 6th, 2007 7:36 PM Author: Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7718781) |
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Date: March 7th, 2007 2:21 AM Author: the end is near (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7721030) |
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Date: March 10th, 2007 10:34 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale hmm... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7735992) |
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Date: April 5th, 2007 3:58 AM Author: hihi (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7877099) |
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Date: April 12th, 2007 10:24 PM Author: winner winner chicken dinner (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#7921723) |
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Date: May 5th, 2007 7:55 PM Author: win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8067353) |
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Date: June 1st, 2007 12:37 AM Author: I knew I had it all along. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8195603) |
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Date: June 1st, 2007 12:57 AM Author: i win! omg omg omg omg omg! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8195773) |
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Date: June 1st, 2007 1:01 AM Author: You other posters are suckers. I was smart and waited till the end. I win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8195806) |
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Date: June 13th, 2007 1:49 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Ah yes... Over three years of posting in this thread and now I win... Suckas. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8250565) |
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Date: June 13th, 2007 1:52 PM Author: *farts*
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Date: June 19th, 2007 11:05 AM Author: ^_^ (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8273483) |
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Date: June 19th, 2007 1:14 PM Author: I WIN! let's set a deadline on this thread!!!!!!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8273816) |
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Date: June 19th, 2007 1:24 PM Author: mahogany no whammy no whammy no whammy STOP (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8273849) |
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Date: July 19th, 2007 7:16 PM Author: Just in time before the board gets shut down.
I AM THE WINNER! |
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Date: July 19th, 2007 7:57 PM Author: IS this board really gonna be shut down? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8408386) |
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Date: July 20th, 2007 12:11 AM Author: no. i win. stop posting in this thread now. tyia. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8409619) |
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Date: July 20th, 2007 12:18 AM Author: k (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8409673) |
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Date: July 20th, 2007 12:44 AM Author: burgundy mind-boggling base potus This and the xoxo - The Gathering thread are two of my favorites in board history.
Any conservatives wanna smoke this with me? |
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Date: July 20th, 2007 12:51 AM Author: i can has win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8409824) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2007 2:51 PM Author: (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8467902) |
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Date: August 5th, 2007 1:23 AM Author: Vermilion *sneaks in for the win...* (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8474595) |
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Date: August 5th, 2007 1:28 AM Author: Wild curious sanctuary i always wanted to win something (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8474616) |
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Date: August 5th, 2007 1:29 AM Author: 1300? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8474619) |
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Date: August 5th, 2007 1:32 AM Author: TWO SUBPOENAS! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8474621) |
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Date: August 5th, 2007 1:34 AM Author: Disturbing Private Investor hey dooders (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8474628) |
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Date: August 5th, 2007 1:50 AM Author: I feel like Hitler in 1939 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8474655) |
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Date: August 5th, 2007 2:43 AM Author: victory (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8474840) |
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Date: August 5th, 2007 8:03 PM Author: The next 100 people to post after me LOSE! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8477305) |
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Date: August 5th, 2007 8:05 PM Author: 1 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8477311) |
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Date: August 9th, 2007 2:32 AM Author: Winner. Suck it trebek. Suck it long. And suck it hard. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8493473) |
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Date: August 13th, 2007 5:27 AM Author: i win (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8508934) |
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Date: August 13th, 2007 5:59 AM Author: Wait. What do I win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8508943) |
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Date: August 13th, 2007 8:24 AM Author: Greedy business firm Peenicus wins!!
Oh, no, wait -- I do.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! |
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Date: September 23rd, 2007 10:59 AM Author: lolz, all the big threads up top today (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8679001) |
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Date: September 23rd, 2007 11:02 AM Author: Hey! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8679007) |
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Date: November 27th, 2007 11:54 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale Adler checking in for the win! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#8945178) |
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Date: December 19th, 2007 3:52 PM Author: bumped & locked (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9051177) |
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Date: December 19th, 2007 6:11 PM Author: I won one of these once. I would bump it to brag, but then I'd probably lose. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9051819) |
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Date: December 19th, 2007 6:17 PM Author: thats the problem with this things. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9051843) |
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Date: February 2nd, 2008 12:51 AM Author: It's good to go to bed a winner.
'Night. |
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Date: February 2nd, 2008 12:53 AM Author: PWNED (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9256755) |
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Date: February 2nd, 2008 12:53 AM Author: PWNED X2 (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9256757) |
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Date: February 24th, 2008 11:41 PM Author: (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9382194) |
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Date: February 24th, 2008 11:54 PM Author: A paralegal cover letter discusses the applicant's training, experience, and ability in this specialty profession that involves performing some of the same tasks as lawyers such as conducting research, investigating the facts of a pending case, writing contracts and preparing financial documents. All paralegal cover letters should list these duties and let the hiring manager know the applicant's experience and training in the field.
Walter Parsons 456 Farnsworth Drive Centerville, USA 34576
August 15, 2006
Mr. Robert Baxter Hiring Manager Morgan and Morgan Legal Services 17 Plainfield Drive Any Town, USA 78956
Dear Mr. Baxter:
I have been a paralegal on cases that range from first-degree murder to petty theft, from child custody to personal injury. Today I feel ready to join the other paralegals at your prestigious firm and focus on civil litigation, as called for in your listing on JobBankUSA.com.
If we could meet in person, I will show you photos of some of the cases I've worked on and also share the awards I've received for my service in various capacities.
Are you free to get together any morning next week? Please call me at 456-777-8989 to let me know. I'll fit into your schedule. Thank you for reviewing my cover letter and resume prior to our meeting.
Sincerely,
WalterParsons
Enc: resume and cover letter
"Instant" Sample Paralegal Cover Letter - Crush the competition with our new, "Amazing Cover Letter Creator"
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:11 AM Author: awww yeah (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404547) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:13 AM Author: I AM THE WINNER!!!!! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404552) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:15 AM Author: nope (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404554) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:16 AM Author: SORRY DOOD I AM THE WINNER TONIGHT (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404557) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:17 AM Author: srsly? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404559) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:17 AM Author: yes (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404561) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:18 AM Author: wai?! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404564) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:19 AM Author: dood i think u must have missed the memo that clarified that TONIGHT I AM THE WINNER (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404567) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:20 AM Author: link? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404572) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:22 AM Author: Tonight, I am the winner (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404576) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:23 AM Author: no wai (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404582) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:30 AM Author: :) (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404604) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 3:31 AM Author: ? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9404607) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 12:11 PM Author: this morning, I am the winner :) (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9405690) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 12:18 PM Author: WERE the winner (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9405725) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 12:18 PM Author: THIS IS ARE THREAD (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9405728) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 12:21 PM Author: titcp (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9405736) |
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Date: February 29th, 2008 12:22 PM Author: no, Titcp (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9405746) |
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Date: April 4th, 2008 12:38 AM Author: I can has win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9575965) |
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Date: April 4th, 2008 12:39 AM Author: sorry frend i win tonite (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9575978) |
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Date: April 4th, 2008 12:40 AM Author: Y U DO THIS? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9575984) |
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Date: April 4th, 2008 12:42 AM Author: I pwn u all. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9575998) |
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Date: April 4th, 2008 12:47 AM Author: OH SO SOWWY (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9576026) |
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Date: April 4th, 2008 12:49 AM Author: I is the champion, my frien (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9576039) |
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Date: April 4th, 2008 1:08 AM Author: i hate opening this thread lately (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9576143) |
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Date: April 4th, 2008 1:41 AM Author: i win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9576301) |
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Date: April 4th, 2008 1:45 AM Author: nope (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9576309) |
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Date: April 4th, 2008 3:41 AM Author: I am immortal, I HAVE INSIDE ME BLOOD OF KINGS! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9576633) |
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Date: April 4th, 2008 5:48 AM Author: But you still lose. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9576707) |
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Date: May 12th, 2008 9:47 AM Author: iz teh winner (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9771246) |
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Date: June 3rd, 2008 11:37 AM Author: Next person to respond to this thread LOSES. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9853893) |
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Date: June 3rd, 2008 12:15 PM Author: stfu loser. I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9853949) |
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Date: June 3rd, 2008 12:16 PM Author: Is this the longest thread of all time? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9853950) |
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Date: July 18th, 2008 3:04 AM Author: guess i won (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9984624) |
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Date: July 18th, 2008 3:30 AM Author: not anymore (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9984683) |
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Date: July 18th, 2008 3:53 AM Author: fuck u (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9984730) |
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Date: July 18th, 2008 3:55 AM Author: this thread nearly crashed my browser (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#9984735) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2008 4:23 PM Author: Impressive pearly locale I win. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#10030201) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2008 4:25 PM Author: won, past tense (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#10030210) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2008 4:27 PM Author: Not so fast! (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#10030217) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2008 4:32 PM Author: i was winning. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#10030243) |
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Date: September 17th, 2008 4:23 PM Author: aromatic mauve rehab headpube . (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#10172016) |
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Date: September 17th, 2008 4:27 PM Author: First!! or wait... (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#10172028) |
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Date: September 17th, 2008 4:30 PM Author: To be fair, I won. (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#10172040) |
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Date: October 20th, 2008 1:19 AM Author: What'd I win? (https://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=15209&forum_id=2#10279226) |